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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread˛

  1. #41
    CM: Wai, we need us a plan. Your the resident strategist of this here battlefield, so whip up something good.

    CM: Mimiru, do what you do best. Scout out ahead and see what you can find.

    CM: Absolver, what skills do you have?

    Absolver: Charm, grace, love, beauty, charisma, passion...

    CM: EE! Shut up already! How about you tend to Subaru over there or something?

    Absolver: As you wish, milord.

    CM: ...mmm k? TLTE, what about you?

    TLTE: Guns. My skills exceed wonder with them. May I recommend a sniping position? I shall defend our rear while we plan for our attack.

    CM: Sounds good. Wai! How's those plans going, by the way?

    Wai: Multi-tasking == bad. CM == No Speak == good.

    CM: Right. I guess I'll check on Mimiru then...

    *Wipe left to scene with Mimiru and CM approaching*

    CM: How you doing?

    Mimiru: Well, it's heavily defended, that is for sure. Seems to be some weaknesses on the sides we might be able to take advantage of though.

    CM: No, I meant you.

    Mimiru: You know I am alright. I don't know if we can pull this off though.

    CM: Nothing comes easy.

    Mimiru: That may be so, but ... well... it seems so futile. Even if we are to take the sanctum, how will we hold it? We need more people.

    CM: The heroes are few at this time, you and I both know that. I am sure Gebohq and the others are working tirelessly elsewhere to help with the threat.

    Mimiru: I just don't have a good feeling about this, CM. I mean, why Hell? Would it really be that much of a loss?

    CM: But if they take Hell, they will continue to push. They will break to the surface, and fight there. If we don't bring the fight to them, they will bring it to us. And I don't think we could win at that point. We have no choice, we have to go for it now. Go report your findings to Wai. I'll walk you back.

    Mimiru: *Sigh* I guess so. Let's go.

    *Zoom to hellish fires burning around a large tower, surrounded by a black wall of volcanic rock. Then proceed to wipe left to Geb and the gang.*

    *All but Sarn are still staring in awe of the beautiful speech*

    Sarn: Cheapskate pizza guy, he didn't bring the breadsticks!

    Geb: OK Boys, lets load it up!

    *The group breaks apart, and runs to their respective weapon stockpiles*

    Geb (Walking by everyone preparing, as if a General preparing for battle): Bring everything you can carry. This will not be an easy fight. No weapon is too inhumane. Remember, this is demons we are dealing with! We will strike fast, and strike hard. Their lines will break, and their flanks will be turned! We will not lose! Defeat is not an option! This, boys, is WAR!

    MZZT: Good God ya'll!

    Otter: What is it good for?

    MZZT: Absolutely Nuthin!

    Otter: War! Hu-h!

    MZZT: Good God ya'll!!!

    Otter: What is it good for?

    MZZT: Absolutely Nuthin!

    MZZT: Say it againnnn!!

    Geb: ALRIGHT ALREADY!

    Maybechild: But we were just getting into it!

    Geb: Let's ride out!

    Otter: Wait wait! Where are we going?

    Geb: To hell!

    Otter: I know that! But I mean, where?

    Geb: No really, hell! The place!

    Otter: You just said that! I wanna know what location we will be fighting at!

    Geb: WE'RE FIGHTING IN HELL!

    Otter: I know it's like hell. There's demon's for crying out loud! But where will we be at?

    Geb: Home of Evil! Opposite of Heaven! BIG HOT DEATH PLACE! HELL!!!

    Otter: Will you stop saying that!!! How the hell...

    Geb: EXACTLY! HELL!

    Otter: ARGH! How the heck are we supposed to get there if we don't know where we are going, other than it's like hell?

    Geb: IT REALLY IS HELL!

    Otter: Well where in hell is that?

    Geb: Probably the center part...

    Otter: NO I MEAN WHERE IS THE FREAKIN PLACE THAT WE WILL BE FIGHTING IN?

    Geb: HELL! FOR THE LAST TIME!

    Otter: Oh for cripes sake! Why don't you just lead us there?

    Geb: That's what I am trying to do!

    MZZT: Okay okay, I'll lead. Follow the leader, ya'll!

    And so the heroes begin their journey to hell...

    Otter: Where?

    I mean the place where they will be fighting, and prepare for battle. Meanwhile, Absolver, CM, Subaru, TLTE, and Wai prepare for their strike on the inner sanctum. The suspense is building... can you feel it? STAY T00NZ0R!

    ------------------
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

  2. #42
    (NSP: Okay, now I'm really confused. Is the fight with Helebon going on in the year 2011, or did another continuity error somehow transport the heroes to an alternate dimension? If it's a plot hole...come *on*, people.)


    [Now I'm even more confused. Geb & co. were at the HoH (which is supposed to be demolished, but nevermind...), and the next minute they're transported to a fiery volcano thing in hell (the battle is going on in hell, right?). I know NeS can get confusing when a dozen different heroes are running around alternate realities and stuff, but please try to put more work into the "research" aspect of your writing - it's really frusterating to work on something and then have it completely invalidated because the next guy didn't read carefully enough. Solving problems with a magical plothole device isn't too satisfying, either...]
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    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 22, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 23, 2004).]
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  3. #43
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Tracer:
    (NSP: Okay, now I'm really confused. Is the fight with Helebon going on in the year 2011, or did another continuity error somehow transport the heroes to an alternate dimension. If it's a plot hole...come *on*, people.)

    </font>
    NSP: Nonononono.... the fight is going on in 2004. The 2011 event is after Helebon has completely taken over, and Geb and the gang have formed a resistance.

    Right now is when Helebon is taking over. Supposedly. Someone feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

    EDIT: In response to Tracer's edit:
    Well, they haven't actually left yet. They were just departing "HoH". They haven't arrived at Hell yet.

    ------------------
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

    [This message has been edited by Tsukasa (edited January 23, 2004).]
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

  4. #44
    (NSP: Okay, but then why has downtown London somehow transformed into a hellish, fiery landscape?)

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    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  5. #45
    (NSP: Tracer -- I'm not sure about JediKirby's post (or whoever it is you're referring to), but due to the Final Battle in Post 1999 of NeS London really is supposed to be pretty much toast. Sort of a post-apocalyptic thing. Dagnabit, I need to hurry up and finish that thing -- er, with Geb's help of course . I knew it wasn't a great idea to start NeSquared before finishing NeS. )

    FROM GEBOHQ (because I'm oppose to making my own NSP's for some odd reason): No, it wasn't a bad idea to start NeSquared. NeS is just working out its kinks, both in and out of the story. If there are any inconsistencies, blame it on plot-hole fallout from the epic battle with EeP and the working out of kinks in general. The main dealy-bob is that there's a questionable family feud in Hell and NeS is in the middle of it. If things need to be changed, ignored, added, etc., then do so. Remember, this is NeS; story good, plot bad

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    "Well, it could be worse -- it could be windy!" -popular Canadian saying.

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 23, 2004).]
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  6. #46
    WHY OH WHY HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?

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    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  7. #47
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Posts
    17,363
    NSP:

    Here's the layout, for those of you who seem to not understand.

    Gebohq and the heroes are in the HoH, while Geb is wandering the forest. Now, They don't know about helabong and jim7's fued in hell... Yet. The future part was what London would look like, had Helibun taken over in 2011. Now see, my post was the rebirth of the kirbys who all died in the fight against TLTEKirby. These reborn kirby's are willing to fight for Gebohq... once he's learned that the war is even going on. I'm too lazy to read CM's stuff, but I'm sure it's just CM finding WAI and all that fun rebuttle stuff.

    My only request is that Geb find out about the war so I can make another post.

    JediKirby

    ------------------
    "I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
    - ]-[ellequin
    ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  8. #48
    NSP: I am just going to ignore any sort of plot-hole that may have developed, since fixing it might be quite hard. Anyway, this is my understanding. Geb and the gang are heading to Hell. They know of the war. CM and TLTE's gang are IN hell, and they are about to strike the inner sanctum, the tower that holds Helebon. And that is where I am starting this post:

    Wai: Performing final dependency check... Check complete. Plan is forged. Preparing display device...

    *A hologram of the area around them appears before the group*

    Wai: As you can see, the tower is surrounding by a tall wall of volcanic rock. This rock is highly unstable, and very hot. Nearly impossible to go over. However, to the side, as Mimiru mentioned, is a weak spot. There is an unopened gate, probably used for moving small troops. We should be able to sneak in via that gate.

    Wai: After this, we will need to rely on Cool Matty's Smoke skill. Using this, we should be able sneak by in a cloud of smoke. After reaching the tower wall, we will come to a sewer grate. We will proceed through the grate, and into the tower. Unfortunately, I am unable to find any schematics of the building, but it is a safe assumption that our target will be located in the top of the tower. The sewer should lead to a door, according to my long-range scan, but this is only an estimation.

    TLTE: Sounds risky.

    Absolver: My type of plan!

    Mimiru: What about Subaru?

    Subaru: Oh, I'll be fine.

    CM: Are you sure? I could probably manage to warp you out of here...

    Subaru: You'll be too weak afterwards. No, I'll join you. It's just a bump on the head, that's all.

    Wai: Then it is settled?

    TLTE: Let us go, for the good of NeS!

    All: For the good of NeS!

    *The gang proceeds as planned. They sneak their way to the gate, and manage to slip through without trouble.*

    Mimiru: So far so good... Ready CM?

    CM: Yea, give me a second.

    CM: Smoke!

    *A dark grey smoke pours from CM's staff, and surrounds them. It continues to build and build till nothing is visible.*

    CM: Okay, I'm done. Wai, you have infared vision. You lead from here.

    Wai: Due north.

    *Again, they proceed, without trouble. Not minutes later, they reach the tower.*

    TLTE: Truly, I am surprised of the lack of resistance. I was sure more would be on alert. It's as if their forces are elsewhere. Maybe looking for us?

    Absolver: Or maybe the heroes...

    TLTE: Yes, maybe. Well, no time to stall. Where's that grate?

    Wai: Right here.

    *A grate, approximately a meter tall, is in front of them. It's grimy, and small bits of sewage flow out.*

    Absolver: Oh, what a wonderful smell. I do truly hope my swords do not rust in this place. That stuff must be corrosive.

    CM: We're killing time, lets go.

    *The gang pulls off the grate (mostly with CM's telekinetic ability, since no one wants to touch the grate), and they all duck inside*

    CM: Wai, a bit of light, please?

    Wai: Ahem, I may be a robot, but I am NOT a simple flashlight.

    CM: Do it or I light you on fire and impale you on a stick, thus creating a torch of silicon.

    Wai: If robots had rights, I'd sue. You know that, right?

    CM: That's why you aren't in government. No go.

    *Wai's eyes light up, and illuminate the sewer. It seems to go forever.*

    Subaru: Oh, wonderful. There better be some hidden door in the next few feet, or someone is getting me a new pair of shoes.

    *The gang wobbles along, and finally reaches a door.*

    TLTE: Wai, could you perhaps get a reading on any life on the other side?

    Wai: Too much metal. I'd blow a circuit just trying to find you.

    Absolver: When in doubt, CHARGE IT!

    *Absolver, taking the initiative, takes his shoulder and slams right into the door. The door flies open, and the gang is introduced to what seems to be a large cafeteria for the troops. And unfortunately, it seems to be lunchtime.*

    Mimiru: Not...

    CM: Good...

    TLTE: EVERYONE, SCATTER. WE'LL TAKE THEM BETTER IF WE BREAK UP!

    *The group splits and runs towards the nearest Demon. The demons just now recover from the shock and begin pulling their swords*

    TLTE: Hah! Such futile and barbaric weapons! *Ka-Pow* to the chest, my good demon!

    CM: Eat steel rod to the head, ghoul!

    Mimiru: Hyaaa!!!! *Insert awe-inspiring sword attack here, followed by a counter of a demon's swing, and the decapitation of yet ANOTHER demon. All in a 2-3 second period.*

    Subaru: This axe wasn't meant for wood, it was meant for your head! Please, let me demonstrate! *Off with a demon's head, and she does a 180 to nail another demon behind her in the ribs.*

    Absolver: Two against one, is it? Well, I have a blade for each of you! Hai-ya!!! *Absolver immediatly advances, stabbing one in the gut. He uses the momentum from this strike to swing around the demon, and strike the other in the back.*

    *The battle continues, with hundreds of demons falling by the minute. But suddenly, it grows quiet. All the demons disappear with a puff of smoke.*

    ???: Such weaklings.

    TLTE: Who are you?

    *A black shadow emerges from around a corner. She seems to be robed, and quite tall.*

    Lillith: If you require a name, address me as Lillith. Not that you'll be alive long enough to remember it.

    Absolver: Quite an ego, don't you think TLTE?

    TLTE: Quite.

    Absolver: Well, what makes you think you can defeat us?

    Lillith: I am trained for just this sort of occassion. A bunch of rats, infiltrating my master's house. I am the exterminator.

    Absolver: (Or the house-wife. Whichever you perfer. *snicker*)

    Lillith: SILENCE! You have spoke your last! Prepare for battle!

    Absolver: Waaaait! I am not ready! I need a stockpile of guns, gernades, nukes, assassin droids, a few getaway cars, maybe some cash...

    *Without warning, an arm flies out of the cloaked figure. It strikes Absolver straight in the chest, throwing him into the wall behind him. The arm immediately retracts again.*

    CM: What the... that arm was like 15 feet long!

    TLTE: Absolver! Are you alright?

    Absolver: Uhhh... yea. But that girl doesn't play around. Burned a hole straight through my armor!

    Mimiru: What is that THING?

    Lillith: A hell spawn, maybe you could call me a fallen angel. Whatever your term, it does not matter. It ends here.

    *Showing that she is not messing around, three more arms fly out, striking CM once, and TLTE twice.*

    CM: JEBUS! Those things hurt! And they are fast!!!

    Mimiru: Come on Subaru, let's get her while she's defenseless!

    *Subaru attacks first, making a direct hit into the skull of Lillith. The cut goes cleanly to the neck, cleaving the head in two. Mimiru follows, continuing the cut down to the lower chest region.*

    Lillith: You irritate me!

    *Lillith immediately reforms. Two arms go flying out, knocking over Mimiru and Subaru.*

    CM: Wai, do something!

    Wai: We can't hit her! Her body is not on a physical plane! It is like cutting through air!

    TLTE: Then how can she be hitting us?

    *They continue to fight, trying many attacks in hopes of making contact. CM even tries his trusty Phoenix Gale, but to no avail. The gang becomes seriously worn, and hurt. It seems to be a desperate situation, and the outlook is grim.*

    Absolver: Is there no way we can kill her?

    TLTE: There must be a weakness. There has to be!!!

    CM: But what?

    TLTE: That's it! I've got it!

    Mimiru: What?

    TLTE: Absolver, run at her, make her angry. Get her to attack you. When she attacks, we'll attack her.

    *Absolver charges Lillith, in a near-suicidal attack.*

    Absolver: MY GRACE AND GLORY BLESS MY SWORDS!

    *As before, Lillith counters the attack easily, whipping an arm out and catching Absolver in the leg. However, at the same time, Subaru strikes the arm, and TLTE stabs her stomach.*

    Lillith: AH! What? How can this be? How could they have hit me?

    Mimiru: Of course! She switches forms when she attacks, to strike her opponents!

    CM: Quick, everyone, attack! She is weakened, and hasn't changed form!

    *CM blasts her with a Fire Ball, Mimiru makes a strong cut at her arm, TLTE fires a shot at her chest, and in perfect style, Absolver rises to slice Lillith's head off.*

    *A high-pitched scream is heard. Lillith falls, dead.*

    Absolver: HAHAHA! We did it baby! You and me!

    Mimiru: Get away from me you freak!

    Absolver: Oh come here and gimme some lovin! You know you love me!

    Mimiru: Come any closer and you'll wish you were dead.

    Absolver: Well, how about a song?

    Absolver: SING US A SONG PIANO MAN!!!

    Absolver: Sing us a song toniiiteee!

    CM: Well we're all in the mood for a melody...

    TLTE (*looks around*): And you got us feeling alright?

    Absolver: Its a pretty good crowd, for a saturday...

    CM: And the manager gives me a smile... *looks in Mimiru's direction*

    Mimiru *blushing*: Because they know that it's me they've been coming to see, to forget about life for a while...

    Absolver: AND THE PIANO SOUNDS LIKE A CARNIVAL, AND THE MICROPHONE SMELLS LIKE A BEERRR...

    CM: And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say man, what are you doing here?

    TLTE: Oh la la la ladedaaa... la la de daaa da daaaa....

    Absolver: Sing us a song piano man, sing us a song toniiiiteee!!

    CM: Well we're all in the mood for a melody...

    Subaru: And you got us feeling alright...

    *Absolver breaks out into the final harmonica solo and continues dancing like a drunk.*

    TLTE: Absolver... are you quite done? I mean, its kinda old now. And it's getting a bit smokey...

    *The room fills with smoke, but finally clears. When the smoke dissapates, they notice they are no longer in the cafeteria. Lillith is also gone.*

    Subaru: Uhh... Where are we now?

    Wai: We... are at the top of the tower!

    CM: Are you sure?

    Wai: Most definately. My statistical equipment is getting a clear reading of...

    CM: Blah blah. So where's Helebon?

    Voice: Ah, looking for me?

    TLTE: HELEBON! Is that you? Display yourself, coward!

    Helebon: I am afraid I cannot do that. You see, I knew you would come. I trusted that Lillith would defeat you, but I wasn't ignorant. I took precautions. No, I am far away from the Inner Sanctum now.

    Mimiru: So this was all a waste?

    CM: Ssshhh...

    Helebon: No, you may try as you might, but you will not defeat me. I have seen the future, and it is good. That is, for me at least.

    Absolver: TLTE, he can see the future? Can he really do that?

    TLTE: Honestly, I don't know. But I have no reason not to believe him however.

    Helebon: Even now, my forces continue to advance. Run. While you're still alive. You won't survive much longer here. You all may be skilled, but you are no match for 750 million troops. Enjoy your last moments of freedom in NeS. I will soon own the story, and I shall become overlord of the NeS!

    Subaru: We can't let this happen. We've got to find Gebohq, and help him.

    TLTE: Agreed. We've no time to waste. Wai, find us a route out of here.

    *And that's where I'll be stopping for the nite. Either ya'll get your butts in gear, or I'll be writing this whole fractal myself. Quit arguin over small holes and look for the big picture! *

    EDIT: Due to popular demand, the victory dance/song is now in the post. Be sure to check it out!
    ------------------
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

    [This message has been edited by Tsukasa (edited January 23, 2004).]
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

  9. #49
    Meanwhile in the year 2004, after Helebon's entire army was defeated in Hell, and Helebon escaped to the NeS alone, and couldn't possibly have an army, we see Jim7 sitting in his office.

    Tony: Boss! We did it!

    Jim7: You stole a QRIO?

    Tony: Yeah here it is...

    Tony sits the robot on the table

    Jim7: At last I can use Sony's own evil against them.

    Jim7 switches the QRIO on and it talks in a little kid voice... Jim7 quickly switches it back off

    Jim7: I will have to take this to the lab.

    Jim7 carries the QRIO down to his lab walking past many rooms where odd experiments are taking place including one very ominous looking door labeled "Cloning Facility B4-RN3-Y"... Jim7 walks into the doors to "Room 13"

    Scientist: Ah, Mr. Lucifer, have you come to check on the progress of your special project?

    Jim7 stares into a tube large enough to fit a large person inside of... the tube is filled with strange liquid and inside is what appears to be a person...

    Scientist: It is coming along fine, should be ready in only a matter of days.

    Jim7: That isn't exactly why I'm here... I brought the QRIO... we need to reprogram it.

    Jim7 places the small robot on a lab table and leaves.... a few hours later the scientist walks into Jim7's office with the newly reprogrammed QRIO

    QRIO: KILL! KILL! KILL!!!!

    Tony: Is that John DiMaggio's voice?

    Jim7: yeah that little kid voice was just...

    all at once: creepy

    OMG THAT LITTLE KID VOICE WAS CREEPY...

    ------------------
    wang is within all
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  10. #50
    (NSP: I have a very large request to ask you all. Upon re-reading NeSquared and NeShattered (a subthread and parallel story arc to NeS/this thread), rather large, apparent connections have been smacking me in the head, and I think I can shed light on the foundation for both story arcs and put to rest the confusion and perceived holes in the story. While it was not my first option to ask for a hold on writing, I did not have the time to build, much less write, the post(s) I had in mind.

    So I ask if you all will give me some time, at least a day, to formulate this stuff and write a post. I wish not to impend on any plans you may have had (what? plans? What fool would try to PLAN something in NeS?) so PLEASE, make them known to at least me as quickly as possible or, well... I suppose it's really no different than now, except that I feel my post might make some rather LARGE steps, steps you all feel might go completely against what you had in mind. But the point is, if you don't tell me, I can't consciously leave my super-post open to your ideas to what I don't know. So even if you've already told me such, please let me know again. You can either e-mail me if you really wish only myself to know, or you can post such on the NeS Workshop thread.

    Thank you, and here's to making this endeavor worthwhile )

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 24, 2004).]
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  11. #51
    Its a cold, bleek, misrable day in London. Buildings appeared war-torn, fires found in sprouts on corners and alleyways, and overall depression within the city population. All in all, a normal day in England. The only mark of interest in any of the local newspapers were small articles concerning the recent need for renovation on Big Ben. You know, that place where the Hall of Heroes can be found. Or rather, was found. Only bits and pieces of it remain identifiable these days, one of those pieces being the Thingy, a teleportation device allowing the heroes easy access to any realm, even teh depths of Hell.

    Gebohq removes a wooden beam that had fallen close by the Thingy while Maybechild, The Otter, The Mega_ZZTer, Ford, Krig the Viking, Mavispoo, and CookedHaggis, among other heroes, stand looking at the questionable teleportation contraption with concern.


    Maybe: Do we have to go using that thing?

    Geb: What's wrong with using the Thingy?

    A spark flies from one of the consoles.

    Maybe: I can't imagine it's very safe. We could be fried going through.

    Geb: Nonsense! It's perfectly--

    Gebohq backs his hand away from the Thingy as another spark lights off.

    Geb: ...perfectly fine. You won't feel anything!

    Maybe: That's what you said LAST time, and it hurt like the dickens! And that was when it was working with no problems!

    Krig: Strange device no good. Krig smash?

    Geb: We have a call to answer as heroes here! You want to back out because of a few... few technical issues?

    Moans and sighs can be heard from the other heroes.

    MZZT: There's got to be another way to get to Hell, isn't there?

    Haggis: I can think of a few...

    Ford: Unfortunately, not really. Hell, being what it is, isn't easy to get within its borders. Not without getting into some philosophical debates anyway, and surely none less potentially dangerous than that.

    Ford points at the Thingy.

    Maeve: This doesn't sound good at all.

    Ford: Hey, I don't like it either, but we are heroes. I think.

    Otter: We could all get really drunk before going through.

    The other heroes look at Otter.

    Otter: What? You sure as hell don't want to go to Hell sober, do you?

    Mutterings of agreement rise. Suddenly, unfamiliar lights light beyond a corner of the dark remains of the corridors of the Hall of Heroes. Everybody turns to the growing lightsources.

    Geb: I thought I told everybody to meet here!

    Ford: We are all here, Geb.

    Geb: Oh...

    A pair of voices can be heard, but their words can't be made out. The heroes stiffen as two pale green-glowing humans float through the wall, the greener of the two appearing male and the other female. They turn their attention to the heroes.

    male figure: Hi.

    Haggis: It can see us! But I don't believe in ghosts!

    Ford: Looks pretty ghostly to me. Walking through walls, greenish glow--

    Haggis: Shut up!

    female figure: Ghosts?

    Geb: *standing foreward, weapon drawn* What are you? What do you want?

    male figure: We don't mean any harm...

    The male figure looks at himself and his companion and chuckles. He brushes at what appear to be his garments, and both figures sharpen in form, recognizable now as Ping_Me and Pristine.

    Ping: Reception problems, how odd.

    Ford: Alright, so they're not ghosts.

    MZZT: I'd take a wild guess and say "holograms."

    Pristine: We're very real!

    Ping: Calm down, dear. Yes, we're holograms. What my significant other meant was that we're our own beings, not mere programs. My name is Ping, and hers is Pristine. We were just trying to find a couple friendly faces.

    Geb: Wait a minute... don't I know you? Back at the Arena, when I was fighting Ares?

    Ping: Maybe. I was watching for a while. Are you and the viking by chance familiar with a dark wizard named Bazaal?

    Geb: Huh?

    Ping: Nevermind.

    (NSP: There's more, so if you can, please wait a little while longer. Sorry to keep you all waiting, I'll work some more tomorrow. I'm slow, I know. So you all know, I'm giving TLTE 'permission' to post his bit before I finish the rest. Nevermind the plotholes for now.)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 26, 2004).]
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  12. #52
    The Mini Interview with the one and only... Cool Matty!

    Wai: So, how are you doing today CM?

    CM: Oh, quite well. Snow's falling, things are well. Nothing like a 4-day week to keep you happy!

    Wai: Glad to hear it! Now, there have been some rumblings, whispers if you will, of a delay of the Neverending Story2, would you like to comment?

    CM: Ah yes. Well, it seems that Gebohq is working on his "Ultimate Post of 2004" or to some such effect, and has given the orders to not post until he is finished, I would assume a delay would be unavoidable.

    Wai: Interesting. And, how long do you think this delay will be?

    CM: Hard to say. First you must factor in the weird time scale of NeS, and then multiply that by the conjugate of the recipricol of Geb's laziness all over Geb's carpel tunnel syndrome. It's a complex case, to say the least.

    Wai: I see. Well, how do you feel about this delay?

    CM: Annoyed. Very... annoyed. Simply put, it's like a man-made writers block. I think Geb plans to take us all down, by making us forget our wonderful ideas, and develop a sort of Alzheimers when it comes to NeS. I just knew he'd try to backstab me someday... but watch yourself Geb, I'm onto you...

    Wai: eh... Well.. that's all well and good, but

    CM: Yes... I am onto you Geb. My steel rod seeks justice. Do not stand in the way of justice, Geb. DO YOU HEAR ME? JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED!!!

    Wai:...errm I think that's all we got for today... stay tuned next week for...

    CM: I WILL FIND YOU GEB, AND TAKE YOU DOWN, AND BEAT YOU WITH MY STEEL...

    Wai: ... STAY tuned next week for... "THE ULTIMATE POST OF 2004"... SOMEBODY TRANQUILIZE THIS MAN!!! HURRY, SEDATE HIM OR SOMETHING! I THINK HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!

    CM: COM'ERE WAI! I KNOW YOU WERE INVOLVED!!!

    WAI: SOMEONE GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!! AHHHHH!!!

    ------------------
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

  13. #53
    Back at teh secret base of Jim7 Jim7 sits behind his desk looking out the window having a flashback to the bginning os "the secret project"

    *flashabck wavy effect*

    Tony, Jim7, and the scientist stand over a table with a sleeping person on it

    scientist: I can't do it... it would be defying the very laws of nature...

    Jim7: It must be done, he only survives because he has an excessive ammount of good luck, but what if his luck runs out and he dies? Then the NeS will fall into chaos... we must have a replacement...

    scientist: ok i will do it... but i can't make any guarantees about the end result.. he could turn out very different from the original...

    *end flashback*

    Tony: Boss... it's time

    Jim7 heads down to Room 13

    scientist: I am ready to open the cloning tube...

    Jim7: open it...

    The tube opens and the clone walks out

    Jim7: What is wrong with the left eye?

    scientist: sometimes this happens looks like it won't affect his vision

    The clone is an exact physical match for Gebohq except for the left eye which is a very pale shade of grey

    Jim7: Your name and purpose.

    clone: I am Qhobeg, my purpose is to fight the bad guys and keep Gebohq from doing something stupid.

    Jim7: You are ready... now get dressed and head to the Arena for training.. the one i called shall meet you there....

    OMG THEY CLONED GEB?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    *NSP*Please leave Qhobeg alone I would like to make the post with his arrival to the Arena for training*NSP*

    ------------------
    wang is within all
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  14. #54
    (NSP: Just as a continuity note, I'd just like to say that by the end of the climactic battle of NeS post 1999, the Arena*™ will be completely destroyed. As in reduced to rubble. So if anyone is planning on using the Arena™ in their post *coughJim7cough*, I'd suggest either making it a different arena type place, or else explain how or why it was rebuilt or whatever.

    Continuity is our friend. We must use it wisely. That is all.

    *Krig wanders away to start to finish NeS post 1999.*)

    ------------------
    "Well, it could be worse -- it could be windy!" -popular Canadian saying.
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  15. #55
    In the Massassi Temple Forums Building

    *The once efficient ISB offices have been reduced to bedlam. All the writers, crowding into a conference room, are yelling in an attempt to draw attention to their ideas.*

    Krig The Writer: "Krig friends with continuity!"

    Cool Matty the Writer: "Forget it! We just have to press on and make the best of things - besides, you can barely speak English."

    Krig the Writer: "AAR!"

    *Enraged, Krig grabs a fake office plant and hurls it at Cool Matty. Desperate to salvage the situation, Geb frantically points at a whiteboard with an incomprehensible diagram scribbled upon it.*

    Geb the Writer: "Look, it all makes sense! We just have to send half of the heroes to the moon, execute the remainder and then start the alternate universe crossover! It can work!"

    CookedHaggis the Writer: "I daresay that sounds a bit extreme, Gebohq. By my count we've already killed off most of the heroes."

    Otter the Writer: "So what's a few more? Lost your taste for the really provocative stories, Haggis?"

    CookedHaggis the Writer: "Now look here, sir. I attended Oxford University -"

    Otter the Writer: "We could even start by offing French characters that have an inexplicable British accent. I mean what, are you trying to be Patrick Stewart or something?"

    CookedHaggis the Writer: (sputtering) "Patrick Stewart?!"

    Gebohq the Writer: "Patrick Stewart? Brilliant!"

    *Geb begins to furiously alter his diagram, presumably incorporating Captain Picard in some manner.*

    Tracer the Writer: "This is too much. I can't take this."

    *Clutching pages of manuscript to his chest Tracer watches as his fellow writers continue with the insanity. Of course, his small protest is barely audible amongst the chaos and objects continue to be thrown, paper continues to be waved in the air and0 people continue to yell.*

    Tracer the Writer: "I feel dizzy..."

    *Tracer slumps foreward and thuds against the conference table. Startled by the sound, everyone looks at him.*

    Sarn Cadrill the Writer: "We...we've killed him."

    CookedHaggis the Writer: "Nonsense, chap. He's merely fainted. The strain was a bit too much for the poor fellow, I suppose. Not to worry, I'll dial an ambulance..."

    *Haggis picks up the phone and begins to dial.*

    Otter the Writer: "Yeah, and why don't you dial some Star Trek: the Next Generation while you're at it, Jean-Luc."

    CookedHaggis the Writer: "Oh, so that's how you feel, is it? Fine, then I'm *not* going to call the paramedics."

    *Haggis stomps out of the room.*

    Otter the Writer: (indifferently) "Fine, I guess somebody isn't having an emergency trip to the hospital!"

    ------------------
    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 29, 2004).]
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  16. #56
    Geb: So, not to be rude, but we should have been going off into the depths of Hell already, Mr. Hologram-man. Got to answer the call of the hero and whatnot.

    Ping: Then perhaps we can be of assistance...Gebohq is it? We know little of this place, but we have travelled many other realms beforehand. And please, call me Ping.

    Geb: Sure thing. And you can call me Geb. The short Viking guy is Krig, MZZT here knows his computer stuff, the present magic expert over there is Ford, the new girl Maeve is still pretty quiet, and of course The Otter and-- hey, you guys alright?

    The Otter and Maybechild, among a few other heroes, appear to be experiencing discomfort.

    Maybe: My muscles are feeling really stiff for some reason...I should be alright though.

    Geb: Let me know if it gets worse. We need to get going now, though. You can get to know the others later, Ping.

    Gebohq presses a button, and a portal opens in the Thingy.

    Geb: The Thingy is all ready, let's get to it! Go go go!

    The heroes appear confused yet are driven to jump through the portal one by one, a distant yell of pain echoing from beyond the portal opening as they enter. Now only Ping and Pristine stand in the ruined chamber with Gebohq. Pristine gives Ping a reluctant look.

    Ping: We'll just give this place a shot, OK Pristine? I'll be right behind you.

    Pristine: I hope you know what you're doing...

    Pristine jumps through the portal. Ping gives Gebohq one last look as he stands by the portal.

    Ping: I hope I know what I'm doing too...

    Ping hops into the portal. Gebohq approaches the portal opening, looking into it with some curiousity.

    Geb: I wonder why we never used this much before?

    Gebohq slowly puts his hand into the portal, and his eyes widden as he is being pulled into the portal.

    Geb: Oh crap, I remember now! No wait--THE PAIN! AAAAAAhhhhhhhhh!...

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Meanwhile (NeS count: square root of -42), back in the depths of Hell, high on top of the tallest tower of the Black Fortress, CoolMatty, Mimiru, Subaru, Wai, Absolver, and TLTE search for an escape route. The portal from which Helebon jumped through some time before still floats high above them, out of reach. Helebon's voice is heard beyond the portal.

    Helebon: I hope you enjoy the view of Hell, you all will get to see a lot more of it when you die! Now to conquor NeS! Looks nothing like I thought it would...

    Helebon's voice trails off as he apparently walks away from the portal on the other end, and the portal itself by the heroes hovers around, moving without any predictable pattern by some imperceivable wind.

    TLTE: Ugh. Such power-hungry types like Helebon make me sick to my stomach.

    Absolver: Is anyone else here feeling a little warm?

    Wai: This is Hell.

    Absolver: Right. I knew that.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    Geb: Well this is odd. I don't remember Hell being this quiet before.

    Ford: That's because we aren't, Geb.

    Gebohq looks around the empty, silent void, broken only by the presence of himself and the other heroes. That, and a dark mass encircling them.

    Pristine: I don't like this...

    Ping: Geb, I thought you said we were going to Hell?

    Geb: I thought so too. These things happen though. What can you do, right?

    MZZT: Uh, guys?

    The Mega_ZZTer motions to the encircling dark mass, and the others stand in a defensive position. The mass becomes more clear as it approaches, and soon the group can tell that it is, in fact, a mass of Kirbies. JK the White approaches Gebohq.

    JK the White: I apologize for all this, Weilder of NeS, but it was important that we contacted you.

    Geb: Kirby? The Kirby Army?! I thought they all died!

    Gebohq holds his weapon at JK the White, who holds up his hands in peace.

    JK the White: All is not what it seems. The Army before you is indeed the same that you fought before, yet they are not.

    Geb: Huh?

    JK the White: You see, every Kirby works behind the scenes of the NeS, whether staging a scene or filling in as a Character's double or what have you. By chance, the way of NeS had called for a multitude of Kirbies, so those you see before you became that which you know as the Kirby Army, and they were defeated. Every Kirby then returned to their duty, unseen and nameless behind the scenes of NeS. But now, after having nearly lost that which we serve, we have no choice. Our time has come.

    Geb: Er... could you explain that again?

    JK the White: When the hour approaches, you must summon us, and we shall rewrite what has been written in the pages of NeS!

    Geb: What? How will I summon --wait!

    Gebohq's plea was lost as he and the others faded out of the silent space known as 1337.

    --------------------------------------------------------------

    (NSP: I still got one more post, probably the important part (heh), to come, but I wanted to put this up now.)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 31, 2004).]
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  17. #57
    Within the tallest tower of the Black Fortress...

    Subaru: I can hear them coming up the stairs now!

    TLTE: I wish I knew why my chest was hurting...

    Absolver: Yeah, and this place is killing my skin!

    Mimiru pushes a stone, revealing a secret staircase down.

    Mimiru: Look what I found!

    CM: Ah give your ego a rest.

    CoolMatty, Mimiru, Subaru, Wai, TLTE and Absolver make haste down the stairs, which lead them to the main floor. They snuck past the multitude of demons pouring in, and outside, making some distance now from the Black Fortress.

    CM: We gotta get back and warn Geb! I dunno if I can use my teleport now though, much less on all of us...

    Just then, Gebohq and company appear via the portal made by the Thingy right beside CoolMatty and THIR company, once again creating the staple "crowd of heroes way too big for anyone to keep straight."

    CM: Well that was convinient.

    Geb: CoolMatty? The Last True Evil?!? What are you all doing here?

    CM: Long story. We need your help with Helebon--

    CoolMatty is interrupted as Jim7 approaches Gebohq.

    Jim: Geb, we have problems.

    Geb: Helebon, I know.

    Jim: Not quite. It's worse. I can only hope my forces can stabilize the Black Fortress.

    CM: Wait, those were YOUR demons?

    Geb: Worse?

    A bright flash shatters from the tallest tower of the Black Fortress, and all the heroes and Jim shield themselves. A protective field crystalizes over the surface of the Fortress, and slowly across the grounds of Hell. A familiar voice eminates around Gebohq and the others.

    Voice: Prepare for the coming of a new age of NeS! Prepare for a new ruler of Hell!

    All the heroes turn to Gebohq, who himself is thoroughly confused.

    Ping: This sounds all too familiar...

    Jim: You see, Gebohq, when you defeated EeP and squared the NeS thread of existence, everything didn't turn out happily ever after. The battle with EeP left some plot hole fallout, and a rather seriously shattered NeS running parallel to the squared one. Your shattered counterpart apparently found his way here...

    Demons high above the fortress begin to rain down, battling Jim's forces once again. Helebon then screams from the tower, amplified by his demonic power.

    Helebon: You will all die, fools!

    Jim: *to Geb* ...with the help of Helebon. And myself not being a Protector of the PlotFractal anymore isn't going to help us either.

    Geb: ...is there any good news?

    Jim: Well, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

    (NSP: Aaaaaaand I'm done with NeSquared. Still got a NeShattered post to do, but it deals with the Tribunal, and most of it's a bunch of talking among themselves about the situation at hand. Real big difference now thanks to my posts: there's an evil Geb from NeShattered who wishes to take Geb's place and weild NeS using Helebon. From there, it's all game. If you have any questions, concerns, etc. ask me in the NeS workshop thread. Sorry again to keep you all waiting for so long -- hope it's worth it!)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 31, 2004).]
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  18. #58
    Back in the NeS Qhobeg walks up to the remains of the once great Arena

    Qhobeg: What a dump...

    Just then ghostly dude appears...

    GD: You have been sent here to be trained in the ways of the warrior... you will face many challenges here... good luck.

    Qhobeg: Yeah... whatever... bring it on [censored for the wimps]

    Just then a figure appears from behind the smoke rising from one of the holes in the ground... it is none other than...

    Ares: Wait a sec... I think i've seen this movie before...

    Qhobeg: Isn't your name supposed to be spelled Aries?

    Ares: Your mind tricks won't work on me!

    GD: Your training begins... now...

    WILL QHOBEG SURVIVE HIS TRAINING? WILL ARES GET HURT? HEY ISN'T IS SUPPOSED TO BE SPELLED ARIES? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF G.I. JOE!!!

    ------------------
    wang is within all
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  19. #59
    CM: Hrmm... quite a predicament, don't you think, my love?

    Mimiru: As usual. Whenever I'm around you, it seems...

    Geb: So err... what are we going to do?

    Absolver: I'M GOING TO DISNE...

    TLTE: Not YET Avenger... maybe later...

    Absolver: Awwww.... Sea World?

    TLTE: No.

    Absolver: Six Flags?

    TLTE: NO.

    Absolver: Epcot?

    TLTE: THAT IS DISNEYLAND!

    Absolver: So is that a yes?

    TLTE: ARGH!

    Wai: I suggest we form another plan before the forces ... well... decend upon us?

    All the rest: WHO ASKED YOU?!

    Otter: I knew we shouldn't have used the thingy...

    Maybe: Well, not your fault Otter.

    RAM: Hello? NeSians? Isn't there like ...a big horde of evil flowing down at you from the tower or something?

    Geb: Huh? What's that?

    RAM: And I quote... "Demons high above the fortress begin to rain down, battling Jim's forces once again."

    Geb: Oh... that's ok. Sounds like satan is on the job. I mean, what are they going to do? Kill him?

    CookedHaggis: Uh... guys?

    Absolver: I'm telling you, Universal Studios is fun for the whole family!!!!

    CH: GUYS?

    TLTE: Will you shut up about the stupid parks? We aren't going to one, and that's final!

    CH: NES TO WRITERS, NES TO WRITERS, WE HAVE INCOMING HORDE OF DEMONS!!!!

    Suddenly, the group looks up from their bickering, and notices what looks to be a large black dust cloud moving rapidly away from the tower, towards them.

    Geb: I didn't know there was dust storms down here...

    Mimiru: That's no dust storm...

    Otter: IT'S A SPACE STATION!!!

    All eyes fall on Otter

    Otter: What?

    CM: Incoming!!!!

    The first of the huge cloud of flying demons comes at the group. Everyone jumps to the ground, except for Wai, who for some reason stays standing.

    Subaru: WAI! GET DOWN!!!

    Wai suddenly sidesteps to his left, and continues to stand there. Due to his immense robotic strength, no one is able to pull the load of steel to the ground.

    CM: Wai, they're gonna kill you for cripes sake! Get DOWN!

    Wai, still ignoring the group, ducks quickly. He then stands back up, and turns to speak to them...

    Wai: It's not exactly dangerous. Do you see me in shreds?

    Otter: He does seem to be in good condition... for a robot...

    Wai: It's an illusion. There is really only a few demon's flying around out there.

    As he says this, Wai reaches his hand up quickly, grabbing a single demon from the cloud by the throat, and nailing him to the ground.

    Wai: Here's one of the few...

    Geb: Is it possible, then, that most of Helebon's army is just an illusion?

    CM: Maybe ... but why didn't you say something before, Wai?

    Wai: Because before, they were real, or something. To tell you the truth, my sensors are having a heck of a time with this illusion. The real demons have heat signatures, while the illusions do not, at least MOST of them. Some do, to a slight degree. It throws me off, and requires me to analyze the area around them to see if they are real. It's the first time I've ever seen an illusion with a heat signature. Before, all the demons had these heat signatures, so I assumed, of course, that they were real. It seems the numbers, or the power behind it is dwindling...

    Geb: Maybe ... maybe somehow the shattered ones' grip on this parallel is slipping.

    CH: But why would they attempt it in the first place, if they could not hold it?

    Geb: They must need something. Maybe a firm location, like the fortress.

    Jim: I know exactly what they're looking for...

    Everyone spins to see that Jim has rejoined them, after commanding his forces for a while.

    Jim: In hell, there is a large powersource. Obviously, if they were to acquire that source, they could maintain the connection. That's why they attacked hell first.

    Geb: That's good! Then we can stop him!

    Jim: There's a problem. I can't let you all into the powersource. If I do, you'll all die, instantly. It has to do with the location. But, we can defend the door to it. If we can do this, the shattered fiends should lose their control here, and return to their parallel, at least for now.

    CM: Well, let's quit killing time, and get to it!

    Jim begins to lead the others to the door of the powersource. Meanwhile, the dust cloud of demons continue to grow thicker. The group is forced to fight a few small battles, using Wai as their eyes. It poses no real threat to them, but they must make it to the powersource before the shattered ones do. Will they make it? And what will happen if they do/don't? STAY BABOONED!

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

    [This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited January 31, 2004).]

  20. #60
    *The now medium-sized party continue in their trek to the mysterious 'powersource' of Hell, in a new and desperate bid to stop Helebon's armies before all is lost. Jim leads the group, his keen eyes searching ever forward, obviously familiar with the territory. Flanking him are TLTE and CM, maintaining an equal vigil on both Jim's progress and their own parties. Gebohq strides thoughtfully behind with Wai, both of them content to ponder the (more than usually) fractured nature of the NeS at present.*

    Gebohq: Could it be that the NeS has changed from a plotfractal into another medium, following the trauma caused by creating a sequel?

    Wai: Unlikely. Though the plotfractal is indeed 'catching up with itself' at the moment, this stress is not indicative of-

    TLTE: Wait, what did you say?

    Wai: I beg your pardon?

    TLTE: You said that the NeS is 'catching up with itself' still. What do you mean?

    Wai: Well, obviously the NeS fractal culminates in the much-anticipated 'NeS 1999' post and then continues here...except for the fact that it hasn't been written yet.

    *And somewhere far, far away, a disgruntled Viking murmurs "When it's done".*

    Wai: Thusly, we have missed a large chunk of story and action. But the NeS is filling itself in...

    TLTE: Filling itself in...ABSOLVER!

    *Absolver, who has been walking ahead and using the reflective surfaces of his swords to spy on the girls, looks up.*

    Absolver: Yeah mate?

    TLTE: Come here for a second!

    *Absolver swaggers over, tipping an imaginary hat and bowing majestically. TLTE grabs him roughly and rolls up his sleeves to reveal arms with quite serious burn marks on them.*

    Absolver: Ay, mind the merchandise!

    TLTE: Look at this...I can attest that this man has not been near a heat source for the entire time I have known him, for obvious reasons. Yet these burn marks are appearing all over him. You think...

    Wai: It is entirely possible that Absolver is badly burned in the NeS 1999 post, yes. This 'catching up' as the 1999th post nears appears to be a good sign.

    Absolver: A good sign?! I ain't nobody's fryin' pan, buddy!

    Gebohq: I think he means that we're lucky the 1999th post is working out, and forthcoming.

    *But in Gebohq's mind, thoughts of fear and wonderment abound. The battle against the EeP must have been difficult, and losses were inevitable...*

    Jim: Hurry up you lot! We are nearly there...just over this mound...

    *CM strides ahead, scouting ahead for danger with Jim. TLTE smiles in approval.*

    TLTE: He is a good leader, Gebohq. He directs his own group admirably.

    Gebohq: Yes, CM is a welcome addition to our group. A real hero for every ten blue-collar cowards, renegade spies and irritable monosyllabic Vikings and we'll be in fairly good stead.

    *They both laugh. Jim and CM spin and urge them to be quiet.*

    Jim: We're here.

    They're HERE! Quick! Get the chips and sauce! Does everyone remember their lines? And watch out for Absolver - he double-dips! Find out more on the next episode of NESQUARED!!!
    The Last True Evil - consistent nobody in the Discussion Forum since 1998

  21. #61
    And the heroes prepare for the largest defensive battle of their lives... or non-lives... or whatever you call it when your in hell, yet not really dead, but dead a while ago, but ... AHHH BRAIN CRASH!!!

    Wai: We should make a defensive barrier. Melee-types in front, Ranged/Melee types behind, and of course, me behind you all.

    CM: Better plan. When they arrive, talk them to sleep, and we'll start to slaughter them.

    Wai: Didn't you suggest that before already?

    CM: Yea, I'm getting unoriginal. In hell, the jokes get worse.

    Mimiru: Well, what about trenches?

    Geb: Not enough time.

    TLTE: Geb's right. They should be upon us anytime now.

    Absolver: Can't be hard to miss! It's a big black cloud of demons!

    In the distance, the heroes see the black fortress. It's on fire with a green flame. Demons pour out from the tower like water. And suddenly, a rumbling is heard...

    Wai: Sensors are reading high concentration of lifeforms...

    Geb: That has to be them, everyone get ready!!!

    Suddenly, the first of the demons appear over the hill.

    CM: PHOENIX GALE!!!

    CM's firebird flies from the sky, swooping up the first of the demons, turning them instantly to ash.

    TLTE: Time to eat lead, demons.

    TLTE raises his gun, pulls the trigger, and nothing but a click.

    TLTE: Strange, I thought I loaded it...

    TLTE starts loading it, and notices that he has a hard time getting ammo from his belt.

    TLTE: Wow, I must be getting arthritis or something... I feel so stiff...

    TLTE finally loads his weapons, just as CM's phoenix dissapates from duration. He fires some shots at the crowd of demons, easily taking down multiple demons at once.

    Absolver: I would NOT want to be on the receiving end of those shots...

    Soon, the demons draw close enough for melee battle. Everyone draws their melee weapons, and gets into fighting stances.

    Geb: READY EVERYONE?

    Geb: CHARGE!!!!!

    And I'm done, it's getting late. Maybe more tomorrow, if someone else doesn't get to it before me.

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  22. #62
    The hordes of demons fall like rain upon the heroes - then fall like flies upon TLTE's bullets. Yet still more come.

    Geb: *petrifying demons to stone with his lackadaisical smile* Come on, NeSians, we must fight!

    TLTE: *firing bullets into the demons* Ahahahahahaha! Bring 'em on!

    RAM: *interjecting annoying comments into the storyline* THAT was rather of character for you, don't you think?

    Absolver: Shaddup. He's finally learned how to have a good time fighting, so stuff it.

    Before that particular RAM can respond, his head is sliced off by a demon who also found his interjected comments annoying.

    And so it continues, bedlam and bloodshed and barbarism.


    Geb: *petrifying another quartet of demons* Uh, guys?

    He looks around, and notices that, in the dust of battle, he has been separated from his friends. He suddenly hears a strangely familiar voice, quoting a proverb.

    Strangely Familiar Voice: "A brother is born in adversity."

    Geb looks around to see a man in dark clothing and a cape, with a horrid smile in twisted reflection of his own, coming out of the clouds of battle.

    Strangely Famililar Voice: I am Gebohq, of the Shattered Thread.

    Geb: What?

    Shattered Gebohq: Don't you get it? It was all explained in previous posts.

    Geb: I can't hear you! I've been temporarily deafened by the explosions!

    Shattered Gebohq: Oh. *shouting* I am Gebohq of the Shattered Thread!

    Geb: Oh! *extends hand* Nice to meet you, Mr. Gebohq of the- whoa!

    Shattered Gebohq: Yes. You realize who I am - who YOU are.

    A sword forged of the very character of God slices down through the sky from the hellish horizon, implanting itself in the ground directly between the two Gebohqs.

    A figure, hooded and cloaked in a robe of blue so dark it's almost black, appears, standing over seven feet, with long fingers so gaunt as to appear skeletal, and a face hidden in shadows blacker than the depths of the Tenth Hell - the Sepulchral Phantom.


    Sepulchral Phantom: Excellent. Only one of you can wield the NeSword. Only one can wield the unlimited powers of the NeS.

    -----

    In the year 2011, above the lava pit that is London, amidst the hellstorm that is Helebon's power, hovers Helebon's castle. In the highest spire, towering high above the clouds but still surrounded by the hellstorm, is the throne room.

    Helebon: My rule is unchallenged but for the puny rebels under my now powerless son. Yet, I sense a disturbance in the ripples of time. It can only be one thing. The Sepulchral Phantom has entered the thread. *bending his enormous psychic abilities to the task* Yes, so it is. And the two Gebs fight for supremacy. I must use this to my advantage, so that the Phantom does not ruin my plans. Hmmm. . .

    -----

    NSP: Let GEB do the battle between the two Gebohqs, y'all. Thanks!

    ------------------
    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=http://com3.runboard.com/blazaruscitadel]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  23. #63
    Back at the party in 1999... errm 2004 the wars continue, with Geb suddenly missing. Everyone is too busy to notice however.

    Wai: LITTLE HELP HERE?

    Wai is nearly covered with demons now, all trying to tackle him to the ground so they can shut him off.

    Absolver: Hold on my friend, I shall rescue you!!!

    Absolver disembowles the demon in front of him, then dashes in Wai's direction. However, before he can reach Wai, a loud cry is heard emanating from his direction...

    Wai: AHHHH!!!!

    Wai: No... not that... pleassse!!!!

    Suddenly, Wai falls silent. The demons throw him to the ground with a tremendous thud.

    Absolver: ... Wai???

    CM(Still fighting): Absolver, what's happening over there?!

    Absolver: I think Wai is hurt!!!!

    CM: Wai?! No!!

    CM calls out "Firewall". A wall of blue flame appears in front of him, giving him the chance to run for Wai.

    CM: Move out of the way!

    He pushes a bunch of demons out of his way with strength he never before possessed. He finally arrives to Wai's location, where Absolver had just cleared the area of demons.

    CM: Jebus... what happened to him?!

    Absolver: I don't know, he was like that when I got here...

    CM walks over to Wai, and kneels before him...

    CM: He's offline... he won't turn on. He must be really damaged...

    Wai: grzzzt

    Absolver: Wai... did Wai just say something?

    CM: I don't ...

    Wai: gzzzgttz

    Wai suddenly rises forcefully. His fake skin falls from him, revealing his intricate metalwork inside. CM sights a cut wire in the back.

    CM: That wire must have been cut... I'll need to patch it...

    However, before CM is able to do anything, Wai takes off. He runs straight to the horde of demons, and begins decimating them without mercy or reason. Wai loses all logical thought, and senselessly kills, and kills. He literally walks right through demons, killing them instantly. Nothing but blood and limbs is left in his wake

    CM: That is NOT good... something's wrong with him...

    Absolver(Who is now reengaged in fighting): It doesn't matter right now, we're a bit busy. And he's killing demons, doesn't seem to be bad to me!

    Suddenly realizing how dire the situation around him became, CM jumps back into action, trying to put Wai in the back of his mind... trying at least.

    Mimiru: Subaru, to your right!

    Subaru: Got it!

    Subaru spins, connecting her axe with the ribs of a demon on her right.

    Subaru: Watch it Mimiru, above you!!

    Mimiru: What?

    Mimiru looks up, and sees a demon flying right for her. She starts to bring her sword up, but suddenly notices it is stuck in one of dead demons. She struggles quickly to get it loose, but suddenly the demon drops to the ground.

    TLTE (Reloading his rifle): You can thank me later.

    As TLTE reloads, he pulls the bolt back, which suddenly gives him a sharp pain in the chest, and forces him to the ground with a cry.

    TLTE: Aghhhhh!!!!! It hurts!!! What devilish works is this?!

    CookedHaggis: TLTE! Are you alright?

    TLTE: I ... I think I'll be alright ... I just need a few moments...

    CH calls over to Otter to help protect TLTE for a while, and they surround TLTE. And the battle continues, with no end to the demons in sight. What will happen to Wai? What is wrong with TLTE? Will they make it alive? And WHERE IS GEB?

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  24. #64
    The heroes who have been fighting the demons suddenly hear an odd noise coming from behind and just above them... suddenly a ball of green energy flies over their heads and into the cloud of demons disintegrating a large number of them... the heroes turn and look to see Deimos holding a rather large piece of weaponry

    Absolver: whoa cool...

    Deimos steps down and joins the heroes as the demons stand around confused for a moment.

    Jim7: Good... you made it...

    CH looks at Deimos's weapon and notices a combination of numbers and letters etched into the side of the weapon that read "B.F.G. 9000"

    CH: what's a B.F.G. 9000?

    Deimos: it's a big... uh... freakin gun

    CH: oh...

    OH HELL YEAH!!! BFG TIME!!!

    ------------------
    wang is within all

    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited February 05, 2004).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  25. #65
    *The terrible battle for the powersource of Hell has reached its epic climax. The heroes' makeshift line has been broken, the onslaught of the demonic forces proving far too much, and each hero is now caught in a pitched battle for their own survival atop the plateau. Jim alone stands at the summit, guarding the wide portal-door to Hell's powersource, scattering the evil before him in amazing blasts of power.*

    Jim: EVERYONE, FIGHT ON! THEY CAN'T GET THROUGH THIS DOOR!

    TLTE: HOLD ON, JIM!

    *Sword and gun work in unison as TLTE, flanked protectively by Otter and CookedHaggis, rush to help, sprinting past a maelstrom of warring individuals. Absolver and Maybechild stand in the rough centre of the onslaught, gaping at the sheer force of numbers that their enemy possesses.*

    Maybechild: What are we going to do? There's so many...

    *Absolver's swords fly into his hands, and on cue they walk together into the bastion of evil.*

    Absolver: JUST SWING, DARLIN'! CHANCES ARE YOU'LL HIT SOMETHIN' BAD!!!

    *Maybechild heeds his advice. Meanwhile, barely twenty feet away Subaru and Mimiru are engaged in the battle of their lives with two master demon swordsmen. Possessing eight arms, the demons swiftly disarm the duo, forcing them to dodge and weave as sixteen razor-sharp blades hunt them through the air.*

    Deimos: BOTH OF YOU, DUCK!!

    *Having no other alternative, Mimiru and Subaru drop backwards to the floor. Their nemeses stand over them, leering - and are promptly vaporised by a BFG blast.*

    Subaru: Thanks, Deimos!

    *But Deimos is already elsewhere, readying another salvo. At that moment, CM launches a final Phoenix Gale, scattering the demon forces long enough to reach Wai, who has gone completely berserk and is carving a bloody path diagonally through the demon ranks. Though the demons retaliate with sword, mace, club and magic, no damage seems to halt the maddened robot.*

    CM: WAI, STOP!

    *But Wai continues his rampage-*

    ???: GRIEF-TORRENT!

    *Suddenly, a deluge of black liquid blasts both CM and Wai, instantly killing the demons around them and sending them sprawling.*

    CM: Ugh...that was...WAI!

    *CM sits up and crawls next to Wai, who is lying still. His circuits are overloaded with the hellish liquid, and there is no indication of functionality.*

    CM: Wai...get up!

    ???: He is quite dead, human. If you could ever have called him 'alive', that is.

    *CM stands and looks upon his attacker. A demon mage stands before him, easily seven feet tall, clad in a shimmering robe that defies colour. A deformed red staff that appears to be aflame is in his right hand, and a glistening black war-pike is in his left. On his head is a jewelled circlet.*

    CM: What are you?

    ???: Lord Mage Vukothrax, commander of this army and Master Helebon's personal guard. I was sent here simply to scatter the heroes and devour Jim's soul, but you look like you have some skill in the magic arts.

    CM: More than some, and enough to send you back to your master in pieces!

    Vukothrax: Spirit, how wonderful! I will enjoy feasting on it. Come, strike at me...

    It gets worse and worse! Are the beloved NeS heroes over their heads this time? How is Gebohq faring? How is Gebohq not faring? Mysterious, but we'll soon know in the next episode of NESQUARED!!!


    [This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited February 07, 2004).]
    The Last True Evil - consistent nobody in the Discussion Forum since 1998

  26. #66
    Meanwhile, at the gates, it's business as usual kinda

    damned soul #894759284368678975987465876587964395264358743
    6594376549873265478652987436598743265439875643
    9287659843276593874654389765928374654387658974
    3265389742654398765439786523987465987432659874
    3298369583247659874326549873659832756387465293
    8457643298765439872659723649583274698796532874
    6529876419127239870493275830987465234568927345
    6798512786432765723469875643579843278959872346
    5874365983453532654764276837724546687454512255
    6468955008854869787598368576775823929256682093: Where am I?

    Dirk, Hell's Greeter: Welcome Jeremy Thomas, welcome to HELL!!!

    Jeremy: But... I lived a good life...

    Dirk: Yeah but remember when you were looking at your friend's wife and thought to yourself... *looks it up on his laptop* "Man I'd like to get me a piece of that"?

    Jeremy: ...yeah

    Dirk: ok... yeah welcom to hell... today all new souls get free admission to Mordorland, there's the bus have a good day

    WHOA COOL FREE ADMISSION TO MORDORLAND... BUT THEY AREN'T RIDING THE NAZGUL NIGHTMARE IN REVERSE SO...

    ------------------
    wang is within all
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  27. #67
    CM: Teleport!

    CM teleports in his trusty Staff of Kings. The staff appears in his hand, replacing his old staff. He also draws out a blood-stained rusty dagger with his other hand.

    CM: Flame!!!

    CM's Staff of Kings erupts in flames. A small blade suddenly pops out of the bottom, apparently because of the fire.

    Vuko: Are you ready yet, mortal?

    CM: I should be asking you!

    Vuko: Please, do hurry. I DO have an army to lead.

    On cue, CM charges at Vuko, looking ready to take down an army. Vuko moves into a defensive stance, and prepares for the first strike.

    Vuke (In his head, thinking): Strange ... why isn't he using his magic? Is he out of power, or does he detect my abilities? Couldn't be... only a choice few know of them! Nevertheless, I won't be smacked around by a pitiful human.

    At that moment, CM takes his first swing. He brings his staff out, blade first. Vuko easily knocks the attack away to the right. But CM is ready for it, and comes up with the rusty dagger in his other hand. The dagger hits its mark, a large slash across the abdomen.

    Vuko: Haha... it'll take more than that to send me back to MY maker!

    Vuko, seemingly unphased by the attack, swings his staff, nailing CM in the neck. CM flies to his right, falling towards the ground. Already, Vuko works on a quick spell. The ground begins to tremble. A hole appears where CM is falling, and CM falls into the pit that appears. Quickly, the dirt falls on top of CM. About 20 yards away, Mimiru sees CM go down.

    Mimiru: Matt!!! MATT!!!?

    Mimiru wastes no time, and immediately rushes for CM.

    Vuko: Not so fast!

    Vuko lifts his staff into the air, and a barrier appears. Mimiru slams headfirst into it, falling to the ground.

    Vuko: It'll take an act of god to break that barrier. Don't waste your energy. Just a minute more, and your poor friend here will be dead, if he isn't already.

    Mimiru looks on, and tries uselessly to cleave the barrier apart, but only tires herself in the process. She then gets an idea.

    Mimiru: Deimos! Need some help here!

    Deimos spins, and fires the BFG at the barrier. It shimmers, but seems unaffected.

    Deimos: Only the devil himself could possibly block that! How is it that powerful?

    Jim: This does not bode well for CoolMatty... but I do not have the power to take that barrier down, not right now. This gate is more important than his, or anyone's life.

    Deimos: Understood.

    Mimiru stands, staring into the barrier. A tear falls from her eye, and she prays that CM will be alright. Meanwhile, the dirt has not moved for a while now.

    Vuko: Haha, so much for CoolMatty. Separate them, and they are all weak! Just like his parents. So easy... didn't even have time to beg! Hahahahahahahaa!!!!!

    Suddenly, the dirt shifts, slightly.

    Vuko: No... it couldn't be. My eyes play tricks upon me!

    Again the dirt moves, but suddenly, out bursts CM!

    CM: IT WAS YOU!!!! YOU KILLED MY PARENTS!!!!

    Vuko: Not directly, but if you had to blame someone, I can take as much as anyone. But what will you do about it?

    CM:I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!!! I WILL AVENGE MY PARENTS, AND YOU WILL DIE, VUKOTHRAX!

    CM: NAPALM!!!!!

    A large cloud appears at the top of the barrier, and lights into blue flame

    Vuko: How? You don't even have your staff to assist you! You'll kill yourself again!!!!

    The cloud of blue flame finishes building, and falls. An immense explosion occurs, and the barrier barely contains the blast. Everything inside the barrier dissappears in a blue flash of light.

    Mimiru: MATTHEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

    The smoke clears, and Vuko is still standing. On the ground, is CM. He is severely injured, but alive. Vuko is not exactly in great condition either, and his staff is completely incinerated. The ground is scorched black, and smoke still rises from the ground

    Vuko: A powerful... a powerful attack, CM, but I am afraid it will take more than that to kill me.

    Vuko raises his hand, and prepares to fire a blast of energy at CM. CM rises, barely, with his rusty dagger in his right hand.

    CM: You... you won't live. I'll take you down, in any way I can. My parents, my SISTER, they will not be disgraced in this way!!!

    Vuko fires the blast. Suddenly, CM moves, with lightning speed. He dodges the blast, and nails Vuko, right in the heart. The dagger goes deep, and nearly breaks out the back. Vuko screams in pain, and finally, falls to the ground.

    CM: *Cough*... Your done, demon.

    The barrier falls. Mimiru rushes in, just in time to see CM hit the ground beside the demon. He is now unconcious, and near death.

    Mimiru: No... CM... You can't die... not again! You aren't done here! I still need you, Matt.... I still need you! DON'T DIE ON ME, DAMMIT!

    Mimiru rises in a fit of rage, and takes off for the nearest demon pack, a trail of tears behind her.

    What will happen now? Will CM survive? Can the group hold on to the gate? And WHERE THE HECK IS GEB?! Stay BAMBOOZLED!

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  28. #68
    i'd'W'n'E|

    Turn it upside-down...
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  29. #69
    Sepulchral Phantom: Only one can wield the unlimited powers of the NeS.

    Shattered Geb: You said that already.

    S.P.: That was an echo.

    The Gebohq from the shattered Never-ending Story thread (as known as NeShattered) narrows his eyes as he peers into the impenetrable darkness of the Sepulchral Phantom's hood. The Gebohq we all know and love, however, was wide-eyed at the both of them.

    S. Geb: The NeSword is not a source of wielding the power of NeS, but simply a tool to do so.

    S.P.: You might wish to tell him that.

    The Shattered Geb -- aw heck, let's just call him evil, it's easier -- EVIL Geb looks to the NeSword and sees good Geb lunging for it. Evil Geb darts his hand out, and the NeSword dissapears, reappearing into his own hand. He then begins to draw out something from beneath his cloak when the good Gebohq brandishes his weapon, a modified plot-hole pistol, and shoots, scoring a direct hit on the hilt of the NeSword, the blade dissapearing in a mystical swirl. Clentching his fists, evil Geb turns his full attention to the good Gebohq.

    S. Geb: Why did you do that?!

    Geb: Why are you in league with Helebon?

    S. Geb: Because I'm a villian!

    Geb: And I'm a hero!

    S.P.: We are clear on who is who, and who did what and why. Wonderful.

    Geb: Nice alliteration.

    S.P.: Thanks.

    S. Geb: *turning to S.P.* Except we don't know who you are, phantom. Care to shed some light on yourself?

    S.P.: No. Not yet at least. Though I really should not have to with the two of you.

    S. Geb: I'll deal with you later.

    The evil Gebohq advances toward Gebohq, who holds his plot-hole pistol up to fire at his opponent. A kick from evil Geb cracks the air, which knocks the pistol flying out of Gebohq's hand. Another kick follows, and Gebohq pulls back to avoid. Using his momentum, Gebohq spins to strike evil Geb, his back now against his opponent. The strike is easily avoided, and evil Geb moves to jab Gebohq's neck. Gebohq falls foreward onto the ground before it can connect, then attempts to kick himself back up and knock evil Geb in the process. Gebohq only succeeds in standing back up, however, as evil Geb strafes to avoid the spinning kick. It is apparent that each can avoid as quickly as they can attack.

    (NSP: There's more I can do, but I'm stopping and posting what I got as of now, in case I continue to be slow with the posting and others wish to move on. I intend to leave the fight open-ended either way, if that makes a difference.)
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  30. #70
    Suddenly, to break up the quick-paced fighting going on... a ringing is heard.

    S.P.: Erm.. oh that's me. Hold on.

    S.P. takes a jet black cell phone and opens it up.

    S.P.: Uh... hello? Who is this?

    S.P: What's that? You want to talk to Geb?

    S.P.: Yes, yes he's here...

    S.P.: Uh... which one you want to talk to?

    S.P.: I know Geb! But there are two Gebs! Do you want to Upside or the Downside?

    S.P.: Oh.. alright hold on..

    S.PHolding the phone to his chest...): Good Geb... it's a call for you, from Satan?

    G.Geb(While dodging a punch):Oh! Jim! Yea, lemme talk to him. Would ya hold on a sec E.Geb? I gotta take this.

    S.P. hands his phone to G.Geb, which proceeds to answer it.

    G.Geb: Geb speaking...

    G.Geb: I .. uhh.. don't really know where I am.

    G.Geb: OK, I know I'm in hell still, its really raunchy, just like your armpits. But as to where, I don't know. I don't got a freakin map. I don't exactly visit Hell often...

    G.Geb: Look.. I'm kinda busy here... ya know, dual personalities of the same person fighting against eachother for domination... that sort of thing...

    G.Geb: You want me to come back and help you fight to defend a power outlet? There's millions of them, what makes that one important?

    G.Geb: Ohhhh I see... not a power OUTLET ... a power SOURCE. Well your Satan, this is your turf. You take care of it. This E.Geb here isn't looking too happy.

    Across from G.Geb, is E.Geb, glaring at G.Geb. He proceeds to crack his knuckles in anticipation.

    E.Geb: Mind if you HURRY UP?

    G.Geb: YEA YEA hold on...

    G.Geb: Look Jim, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later.

    G.Geb closes the phone, and acts to hand it back to S.P. At the last possible moment, however, he flings it at E.Geb, nailing him in the face.

    E.Geb(Grabbing his nose): THAT WASN'T NICE!

    S.P.: THAT'S A $100 PHONE! One of you is paying for it after this...

    And so the fighting continues. How will the fight turn out? And what is going on back at the power source? Stay POPOLOZZIED!

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

    [This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited February 18, 2004).]

  31. #71
    Septic strides to the bar 1000 miles away, sits down and orders a double Jack Daniels and coke, he watches some nature programmes on the pubs huge projection TV and sips his drink.

    At this moment, somewhere in the region of 30 people walk into the pub and start a fight with Septic, because he told them they all had sexy parents.

    Septic: Umm... keep back, otherwise i'll be forced to kick your asses, good and proper!

    Rowdy Croud: HAHAHAH, WE HAVE POINTY STICKS AND BLUNTY CLUBS, YOU DIE!

    Septic: Bah!

    Septic then tears all of his clothes and skin off... to reveal that he is a ninja in disguise. He then goes on to kick the asses of the rowdy croud, and anybody else whom looks at him funny.

    Septic continues with his drink, patiently waiting for his friend to arrive, because he wants to steal a cigarette.

    ------------------
    Drugs & Stupidity, Tons of it.

  32. #72
    Back at the gate to the Power Source...

    Jim: We need more people...

    Deimos: I assume Geb couldn't come through...

    Jim: He seems to have his own problems. I just want to know where all these demons are coming from!

    Wai: I think... I .. think I can answer... that...

    Deimos spins quickly, aiming the BFG right at Wai's metal head. Wai seems to be heavily damaged, and missing an arm.

    Jim: I thought you were down there fighting...

    Wai: I was... it was crazy... I have no idea what I was doing. I think something malfunctioned. I am sorry for my malfunction and any damage caused. Maybe I can .... I can assist you as payment for any damages?

    Jim: You said you knew where the demons are coming from...

    Wai: Oh... yes. While down there in my 'rampage', my sensors detected a tremendous heat source.

    Jim: Did you investigate?

    Wai: Not at the time... but I did just now. Do you recall the malfunctioning portals you have?

    Jim: Yes.

    Wai: They seem to be using one as a portal. I don't know where they are coming FROM, but they are definately appearing out of that portal.

    Jim: Very good Wai. Deimos, protect Wai while he works on repairs. I'm going to scrounge up a detachment to take out that portal.

    Deimos: Understood. Good luck, Jim.

    Jim: They won't be taking my Hell from me, not until Hell freezes over!

    Deimos: That might happen, at the rate this is going.

    Jim: Not if you do your job and defend that power source. I've got to go. Good luck with the gate.

    Deimos: Good luck to you... may God once again bless you...

    To be finished later.... or someone else can take it. Whatever



    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  33. #73
    Jim walks down the side of the hill they were standing on, towards the area where TLTE and Absolver are standing. Many demons walk in front of him, but Jim just knocks them away with a swift snap of the wrist.

    Jim: The Last True Evil, Absolver ... you're coming with me.

    Absolver: Hey.. wait! Where are we going?

    Jim: Nevermind that, just come.

    Absolver: But it was just getting good!

    TLTE: Com'on Absolver... you don't say no to Satan... or something.

    TLTE grabs Absolver by the collar and drags him along. Jim leads them to hill near the portal.

    Jim: See that? We have to destroy it.

    TLTE: Interesting proposition... but how can we help?

    Jim: I can shut the portal down, but I need some meat shields to keep the demons off of me while I work.

    Absolver: And... we're the meatshields...

    Jim: I knew that fruit of the tree would knock sense into your pitiful race at some point...

    TLTE: Well... alright I guess. Got any sort of plan on how you going to do this?

    Jim: What plan have I ever used?

    TLTE: Okay.... fine then. I'll snipe a way for you to get to the portal, and Absolver here can hold them off. I'll continue sniping from here.

    Jim: Good enough for me. Let's get going. The longer we wait... the more demons appear...

    TLTE: So that's why... alright. Let's do this.

    TLTE loads his guns. Absolver, in true style, yells out a taunt for the demons below, and charges. Jim follows close behind, and makes it for the portal. Absolver finally meets the swarm of demons, and begins attacking. Jim takes a side route, and makes it to the portal. Not a moment after he arrives, demons come after him. Suddenly, two demons drop dead, a smoking bullet hole visible in their chest.

    Jim(to self): I've got to hurry. Damn portal... thing only works when I don't need it.

    And so it continues. TLTE keeps the demons off of Jim, and Absolver provides a decent distraction. However, a demon finally makes it to Jim.

    Demon: Prepare to die, filth.

    Jim: What? How'd you manage to make it here? No matter.

    A fire erupts below the demon's feet, and turns the Demon to ash.

    Jim: Amateur.

    Up above, on the hill, TLTE is on the ground, in prone position. He doesn't seem to be moving however...

    TLTE: What... what is wrong with me? Why do I feel so weak? And this incessant pain... I can barely move....AUGHHH!!!!

    TLTE suddenly vomits blood, and grabs his chest.

    TLTE: Jim... I'm sorry.... I can't even lift my gun...

    CM: Seems like you could use some help... heh...

    TLTE: CM! I thought you were dead... at least injured...

    CM: Don't get me wrong... I'm not doing great... but I think I can still snipe some demons... heh. Never could resist sniping.

    CM: So what is ... what is wrong with you?

    TLTE: Heh... if .. if only I knew... I just keep getting these severe pains...

    CM: We'll have to have that checked out after this. Don't worry... I'll cover ya... heh...

    TLTE: heh... well get going, CM. Jim doesn't look to be doing very good...

    CM: Oh, right.

    CM lays down, and takes TLTE's rifle.

    CM: Hope you don't mind... I'm totally out of power...

    TLTE: Yea, go ahead... I can't even load the damn things anymore...

    CM loads the rifle, and begins sniping. Although not as fast or efficient as TLTE, he gets the job done. Finally, Jim finishes with his work.

    Jim: Well, that seems to be it. Now to tear this peice of junk down and get my damn refund!

    Jim gives the portal a well placed kick, and the entire four-story structure falls to peices. The demons stop flowing out, and it becomes suddenly quieter.

    Jim: That'll make it easier... com'on Absolver, time to head back to the gate.

    Absolver: EVERY TIME I GET INTO MY GROOVE!!!

    Jim(With Demonic Loudness): NOW!

    Absolver: Aight! Geez, don't do that to me!

    Jim: TLTE, you to! .... TLTE?

    CM: He's really hurting, something is wrong with him!

    Absolver: Wow, it's CM! I thought he died or something.

    Jim: Shush. CM! Did a demon get him?

    CM: I don't think so! He doesn't seem to have any visible wounds! But he's really sick. He's throwing up blood!

    Jim: Alright, I'll get him out of here. The rest of you head back to the gate and protect it. And let Deimos know the portal has fallen, and the cleansing can begin. He'll know what to do.

    Absolver: Erm... creepy. Alright then... I'm comin' up there CM, so just hold for a second.

    CM: Okay!

    Absolver and CM meet up, and run back to the gate to tell Deimos the news. Jim picks up TLTE.

    Jim: I don't know what is going on with you, but I know someone who does. Someone I haven't met in a long, long time. A long time indeed.

    Jim walks off to a building that seems to stretch to the top of Hell. He presses a button near the door.

    Jim: I can't follow you up, but I know he'll help. I may be Satan, but dammit, this is too far.

    Suddenly the doors open. Jim lays TLTE down on the floor, and reaches in to press the floor labeled "1337".

    Jim: Good luck TLTE. Maybe I'll be able to return there someday. Maybe.

    Meanwhile, CM and Absolver arrive at the gate, and tell Deimos the recent happenings.

    CM: And he told us to tell you: "The cleansing can begin."

    Deimos: Really. Well boys, things just got a mighty bit more interesting.

    Deimos(Shouting): ALRIGHT EVERYONE, RETREAT TO THE GATE! IT'S TIME TO WIPE THIS PLACE CLEAN!

    Everyone rushes to the top of the hill, and Deimos flips a switch on his BFG. It switches from "Stun" to "Kill".

    CM: You trying to tell me that gun was only on STUN?!

    Mimiru: ... Wow! Oh... CM! You're OK!!!!

    CM: Not now... we don't have time for simple "I love you" scenes.

    Mimiru: Bah, you never have time for them.

    Deimos: Time to let loose!

    Deimos puts both hands on the gun, and holds tight. He then pulls the trigger. A blob of green energy flies out of the gun, nearly five meters wide. The blast lands in the middle of the demon horde, annihilating millions at once.

    Absolver(whistling in astonishment):Whewwww... Now THAT had to hurt!

    Deimos: Indeed.

    The crew guards Deimos, while Deimos lets loose on the BFG. Jim stands by the elevator, watching the floor numbers go by. And an unconcious TLTE has almost arrived at Heaven. What will happen next? Stay ---

    CM: You come up with another stupid "BAMFLOCKSTNAKZED" word and I smack you upside the head.

    Erm... sorry. Stay Tuned! (How was that?)

    CM: Better.

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

    [This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited February 19, 2004).]

  34. #74
    The two Gebohqs circle each other. One steps to attack, but is mirrored by the other thinking to do the same, much like trying to pass someone in a hallway coming the other direction and failing. A smirk cracks across the evil Gebohq's face. He darts foreward, and Gebohq throws out a fist in reflex, which does not connect. The evil Gebohq continues to throw attacks at Gebohq, though they never seem to quite follow through as Gebohq aims to avoid and deal damage himself.

    E. Geb: We don't have to fight, Gebohq.

    G. Geb: Yes we do. You work with Helebon. You're a villian.

    E. Geb: And you'll fight evil until you're dead, right? Never to run away?

    G. Geb: I will not run this time, not from my darker self!

    Gebohq takes the initiative now, launching himself at the evil Gebohq, who is now more on the defense.

    E. Geb: You would be so quick to strike me down, yet you fight side by side with the Devil himself. Why?

    G. Geb: He doesn't seem that bad...

    E. Geb: Listen to yourself! He's the Prince of Darkness! He's not even a Protector of the Plotfractal anymore. Don't you think that is absurd?

    G. Geb: But NeS is suppose to be absurd.

    E. Geb: Yes, the Never-ending Story. While it grows in pages, it weakens in spirit. Do you not notice how plot-like it has become in its complexity, in its indistinguishable cast of characters dropping in and out? The Ever-ending Plot is suppose to be all-evil, yet without it, the NeS shattered and only I -- we -- kept it alive.

    Gebohq continues to punch and kick the evil Geb, though it is evident that the evil Gebohq is not having any difficulty avoiding the attacks, nor is he attacking back anymore. At least, the evil Gebohq is not attacking with hands and feet...

    E. Geb: Can you not tell how much NeS needs us? You and I, Gebohq, to wield its power. Among all others, we have the ability and drive to shape it for the better. Even the writers themselves are too intertwined in NeS to seperate the reality of NeS apart from their own and make any real difference. You and I, only us. And yet for all the effort we put out, for all the optimism we would hold on to, we are failures in wielding NeS to its true potential. You and I, Gebohq, we can succeed though, and wield NeS to its never-ending potential!

    G. Geb: And what price must it pay for this eternal life? What what you have us call necessary, or certain, or required?

    The Sepulchral Phantom continues to watch as Gebohq continues to attack the evil Gebohq.

    E. Geb: You must for the sake of the story. Don't be a fool!

    Gebohq is not paying attention to his counterpart now, however, and attempts to focus soley on bringing his opponent down.

    E. Geb: You're an idiot!

    G. Geb: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never--

    Gebohq doubles over as Gebohq of the shattered thread delivers a single, powerful jab, then knees him in the chin. A kick powered by his ability to wield NeS sends Gebohq to the ground. The evil Gebohq stands above him, ready to deliver the killing blow...

    (NSP: It's your turn in the spotlight now, TLTE. Go for it .)
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  35. #75
    *As Evil Geb's fist draws back in a killer blow, his face contorted in a final grimace of triumph, an ethereal hand snakes down from the clouds and presses the 'pause' button on a spiritual remote. Time as we know it stands still...for now.*

    Ethereal Figure: There. Things were moving too bloody fast for me anyway. Now we can talk a bit!

    *The spiritual emissiary turns back to a very ragged-looking and confused TLTE. They are standing literally in the heavens, atop a nice fluffy white cloud.*

    Ethereal Figure: This is your second time here in so many months, isn't it? Things just aren't going well for you, are they?

    TLTE: What's...happening to me?

    Ethereal Figure: Well, you picked the hard one first, didn't you?

    *He dims the lights - how exactly is best not chronicled here, for reasons of sanity - and activates a miniature projector. TLTE is uncomfortably reminded of Bill Gates' sinister NeS presentation many a post ago.*

    EF: You see, TLTE, the much-anticipated final post of the NeS ended in an Armaggeddon of sorts. You don't know about this yet, of course...no one does. But this is how it inevitably must be.

    *A Bible-esque portrait flashes onto the fluffy white cloud serving as a screen. The NeS arena is depicted, with several dozen epic battles all around its hallowed ground. The faces of all the heroes are instantly recognisable, though some of them are decidedly worse for wear.*

    EF: Of the several thousand that walked into that arena on that fateful day, one walked out.

    TLTE: Gebohq. Man, I really must learn how to geb it.

    ?: Don't we all.

    *TLTE turns to see a familiar robed figure walk towards him, smiling gently. There is, however, a noticeable undercurrent of sorrow beneath his proud features.*

    TLTE: JK the White!

    *The wizard nods, sharing a meaningful glance with the Ethereal Figure, who turns to leave.*

    TLTE: Wait, where are you going? I thought you said-

    EF: You're dying. Not dead. You'll be back shortly, though. Until then.

    *Ethereally, he wafts away. TLTE levels his revolver at JK, who holds his hands up.*

    JK the White: I mean you no harm, TLTE. I just thought you might want answers, is all.

    TLTE: I do. Tell me things. NOW!

    *JK nods again, somewhat sadly, then motions to the projector, which turns on again and moves on to another image.*

    JK the White: Naturally you're wondering the fundamental paradox in the final post of the NeS...

    TLTE:...if only Gebohq survived, what are we all still doing here? And why am I dying now?!

    JK: Quite right. Revealing the details to you now would ruin the 1999th post somewhat badly, so I will only say this - your death brought us here.

    *He switches the projector to another image. TLTE cannot believe what he is seeing. Geb is there, and himself...but Gebohq is...*

    TLTE: It can't be. Why...?

    JK: Like all of us, you will have to read the 'final' post of the NeS to find out.

    *He switches the projector off and looks at TLTE solemnly.*

    JK the White: This is why you are dying, and everyone else is not. The NeS needed a sacrifice to save it from the EeP, and indeed many people gave their lives that night to do just that. Yours, however, was the metaphorical seal on the envelope. Whereas everyone else can simply shrug off their deaths with a conventional, everyday plothole, for you to do the same would open a gaping wound in the continuity of the NeS.

    TLTE: Meaning exactly what?

    JK: I'm not exactly sure. One possibility is that the universe would erupt in a ball of cataclysmic, unholy fire. Another is that we'd all suddenly, horribly blink out into absolute nothingness.

    TLTE: So it's a bad thing. Definitely a bad thing?

    *JK rolls his eyes.*

    JK: I'm sorry, but things are too complicated around here already.

    TLTE: What do you mean?

    *JK the White points down to the frozen scene of chaos. The veritable war for the powersource, still raging. Endless bloodshed. Gebohq and his shattered counterpart.*

    JK: We thought we had...destroyed the Ever-ending Plot, TLTE. Through blood and pain we thought we purchased our freedom, and earned our right to return the NeS to its zanier roots. But plot has followed us into this thread too. I'm not sure what will happen if this continues...this story arc must end!

    *He looks sadly out on the state of affairs. TLTE looks out with him, his face becoming gradually more set and determined.*

    TLTE: So be it. Send me down there.

    JK the White: You mean it?

    TLTE: Yes. Send me to Gebohq. If I have to die three times for death to stick, I'll bloody well sort it out!

    *JK the White smiles, the sadness gone.*

    JK: Then go, and good luck.

    *In a flash of ethereal light, TLTE is gone.*

    Ethereal Figure: Would you turn off the projector when you're done with it?!!

    (NSP: Part 1 over. Part 2 happening after dinner...)





    [This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited February 23, 2004).]
    The Last True Evil - consistent nobody in the Discussion Forum since 1998

  36. #76
    *The world unfreezes. With a primal scream, Evil Gebohq's fist thunders down and-*

    TLTE: NO!

    *The Russian's revolver fires a warning shot into the air. Evil Gebohq looks up, glaring at the new arrival.*

    E. Geb: TLTE...I suppose it's just my luck that you're as self-righteous in this reality as you are in my own!

    *The normal Gebohq struggles to clear his head, lying on the ground under his evil self, but cannot seem to gather his senses. Above him, Evil Gebohq tries a different tactic.*

    E. Geb: Come on, TLTE...help me destroy this fool. With him out of the way, who would assume the mantle of the NeS Wielder? A rampant four-foot tall Norseman? A janitor? Satan himself? A collection of rag-tag misfits are not worthy to the power he has, and he belongs with them.

    *TLTE shakes his head, shaking out long-held dreams of power and glory with it. Good Gebohq stirs, listening in silently.*

    TLTE: Gebohq may be a misfit. A bit simple. Slightly clumsy. Definitely goofy. And granted, we all know what he's like with the women. Furthermore...

    Good Geb: All right, can we move on to the good part?!

    *TLTE and E. Geb look at him, startled. Tactfully, Good Geb loses consciousness.*

    TLTE: ...he may be all of these, but people both humble and exceptional have saved him so far, and I count myself no different to them. Now leave him alone.

    *Evil Geb smiles, feigns to get off him, then before TLTE can react he attacks with lightning-fast fury-*

    E. Geb: AAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGGGHH!

    *Evil Gebohq's hand flies away through the crimson air. Evil Geb spins to see none other than Absolver, brandishing his golden cutlasses with a not insignificant amount of smugness.*

    Absolver: Somethin' I said, mate?? You seem a little underhanded...

    *Distantly, a ba-dum psssh is heard.*

    TLTE: Absolver? What are you doing here?

    Absolver: Well, the battle for the powersource wasn't going too flash, to be honest. The Let's Save Absolver's Good Looks Committee therefore sent me to find you blokes before harm befell my dainty features...

    Good Geb: And you just...happened upon us?

    Absolver: Well, nothin' quite so coincidental, mate. I just told myself I deserved to find you amongst the endless deserts of pain and misery here, and lo and behold here I am!

    TLTE: You...deserved to find us?

    *Absolver stares at him for a moment, as if a very obvious fact is missing.*

    Absolver: Because I'm so charming!

    Good Geb: Oh, I see. Very...sensible.

    Helebon: ENOUGH OF THIS!

    *The demon lord himself descends from above, looking not at all chirpy. TLTE aims, but his gun catches fire and he drops it with a yelp. Absolver and Gebohq are thrown backwards with a blast of hellfire, and they all land in a heap.*

    Helebon: This is getting ridiculous. Obviously this idiot here is incapable of living up to his end of the bargain...

    *Evil Geb is still lying on the floor, bemoaning the loss of a good hand.*

    Helebon: ...so I'll have to kill you all myself!

    Voice: I don't think that's necessary, Lord Helebon.

    *Everyone turns to see the Sepulchral Phantom, who has been content to watch the display so far.*

    Helebon: And why exactly is that?

    SP: Because in...

    *He checks a grim-looking watch.*

    SP: ...fifty-seven seconds, time is going to catch up with TLTE, and the NeS fractal becomes a plotline, dooming everything as we know it. You're about to rule a dead story, Helebon.

    *Everyone, realising fully the time constraints, acts as one.*

    All: Why?

    *The Sepulchral Phantom laughs, then draws in a deep breath and talks quickly.*

    SP: The 1999th post was completed under the notion that the death/sacrifice of TLTE would cement it as 'done', allowing the heroes to escape via a decent-sized plothole to this, NeSquared, whereby they could begin again, free of the undercurrent of seriousness and general plot that had befallen them during the attack of the EeP. But they were wrong. Very wrong. In fact, they probably did the opposite of what they should have. Ending the NeS with TLTE's death didn't offer closure. It offered a metaphysical bridge for the serious, heavy-handed plot, the ghost of the EeP if you will, to follow you all here to NeSquared!

    *Everyone is silent. Gebohq himself is stunned, realising the depth of his own error. Of everyone's errors.*

    SP: Had you ended with, say, a crazy musical finale, or a parody of a famous ending like Casablanca or Forrest Gump, then all may have been restored to normal. But you didn't. Instead, you doomed yourselves to weighing the NeS down with a plot, a fact which becomes official in...*checks watch* twelve seconds. Any last questions before you go the way of every ISB story?

    *TLTE steps forward.*

    TLTE: Why did you do this?

    *The Sepulchral Phantom says nothing for a precious second, but instead points at the now-unconscious form of Evil Gebohq.*

    SP: You should have asked him. Oh well, too late. Farewell, gentlemen.

    *Before anyone can stop him, he vanishes in a puff of smoke. TLTE and Gebohq share a panicked glance.*

    Gebohq: What are we going to-

    *Suddenly, time runs out. With a noise like a dying screech, Gebohq's NeSword tears back into existence thirty feet above them. Spinning through the air like destiny, inevitability, it arcs down toward TLTE's already bleeding chest. TLTE tries to move, but it feels like rigor mortis has already set in. He drops to his knees, as everyone shuts their eyes.*

    *There is a hum, then a whine, then the unmistakeable rending of flesh giving way to steel. Then, silence.*

    TLTE: ...

    *Gebohq stands, rushing to TLTE.*

    Gebohq: Are you-

    *But he cuts himself off immediately. TLTE is fine. The wounds in his chest are healing magically, undoing as if they never were.*

    Gebohq: Oh, no...

    TLTE: ....Absolver?!

    *The charming rogue stands directly in front of TLTE, his arms open, his chest run through with the glimmering NeSword. His normal, affable smile is still there, but pain is starting to crack it.*

    Absolver: ...owie.

    *He falls to the ground. Gebohq and TLTE cradle his still form as gradually the ground starts to shake.*

    Absolver: Sorry, mate....hope you don't mind me stealin' the spotlight..it was all gettin' a bit too grim..

    *TLTE fights back a grin, then gives in to it.*

    TLTE: Tovarish, I think you may have just saved us all...

    *Absolver's charming grin is back, and broader than ever. Absently he dabs at the blood trickling from his mouth.*

    Absolver: Well, you know mate...I always considered myself the spiritual 'mecca' of the NeS...just didn't want to be the first to say it, you know?!

    *TLTE and Geb both laugh. Absolver's grin turns to Geb.*

    Absolver: Commander Geb, mate...pleasure to save your little story. Maybe one day at the end of time, when we finally publish this baby, we can call this chapter 'How Absolver Saved the World', eh?

    *Geb smiles sadly and nods.*

    Gebohq: I'll pass the title onto the WriterGod immediately. Thank you.

    Narrator: What the hell is going on here??! It's total pandemonium!! The plot is going out the bloody window!! Erheiorhcnaozvnzbca-

    *The gibberish is cut off abruptly. Absolver nods to both of them.*

    Absolver: Well, you blokes have got....work to do...and here's my...check out...

    *TLTE and Geb nod solemnly, placing Absolver's cutlasses in his hands and standing up.*

    Absolver: See...you boys...in the sequel, eh?

    TLTE: See you then, my friend.

    *TLTE and Geb salute him. Absolver grins his last charming grin, then shuts his eyes. He moves no more.*

    TLTE: So what now?

    Gebohq: Well, we're free of the plotline...time to do what any wielder of a crazy, zany plotfractal would do...

    TLTE: And what is that?

    Gebohq: Blast us all into the ow!

    *The camera pans in too fast and hits him on the head. Geb steadies and regroups.*

    Gebohq: I mean...BLAST US ALL INTO THE EIGHTH DIMENSION!!!

    *With that, he draws his plothole pistol and fires. Everyone, hero and villain alike, flies into the eighth dimension....*

    WHOA! That was crazy! Unexpected! Or was it just what NeSquared needs?! Whatever the case, Chapter 143,32: 'How Absolver Saved the World' is over! Stay tuned for Chapter 143,33: 'Writing in Eight Dimensions is Harder Than It Looks!

    (NSP: No, I'm not an idiot, I got permission from Geb to do this Step outside the square and try something original. Come onnn, you know you want to...)

    The Last True Evil - consistent nobody in the Discussion Forum since 1998

  37. #77
    Not Suitable for Motor Vehicles
    Posts
    4,265
    *SCENE: Underwater. Little fishies swim by in schools, followed by something that looks like an exploded potato.*

    Good Evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to The Never-ending Story.

    *Camera pans down to an underwater city which looks nothing like, yet remarkably similar to Atlantis.*

    When last we left our heroines, they had just captured the infamous villain Lucky the Incandescant Lungfish, after a long and arduous journey through the underwater city of Pacifica to his central lair, the Dome of the Upsidedown Fishbowl.

    *Zoom to something that looks like a giant upsidedown fishbowl. duh. what were you expecting, something extravagent?*

    Join us now as Lucky reveals his evil plot.

    *zoom through the glass to where a particularly ugly green scaly fishy thing is bound by ropes, and surrounded by a rag-tag group of scuba-gear clad girls + a dude.*

    Ottress: so lemme get this straight...You, old butt-ugly scaly, wanted to...i cant even say it.

    Lucky: Yes thats right. I was planning to hoard all the foodstuffs, hoping all the males of my species would die off, leaving me, the last Lungfish on earth, to finally get to mate. and i would have gotten away with it if it werent for you meddling kids and that stupid dog.

    *zip-pan to scooby-doo*

    Scooby-doo: Ron't rook at ree. rye rust rot here.

    *pan back to Lucky.*

    Lucky: You see...i just have trouble with women. they dont like me you see. *sniffle* why do they hate me!?

    Cool Mary: awww, there there. it cant be so bad. i'm sure you could find someone just as ugly as you are to mate with. you're just setting your standards too high.

    Gebina: Yes, i mean really, who's to say there isnt some lungfish waiting for someone just like you to come and sweep her off her feet...er...i mean fins. there are other fish in the sea you know...er..pardon the expression.

    Maevar:*his voice is gruff, and he seems uncomfortable* Can we just get the fark outta here? i just wanna get outta this wetsuit, and maybe help you outta yours Ottress. *he tips her a lewd wink*

    *ottress conks him upside the helmet, and turns back to Lucky the Lungfish. He wipes a tear with one long fin from his eye, and looks at them all doe-eyed.*

    Lucky: You really *sniff* think so?

    Forque: Oh yeah, you've certainly got...something...

    Luck: How can i ever thank you for this?

    Forque: well you do have a madatory sentance of 4 mating cycles of community service unter the careful watch of Maevar.

    Maevar: Buh?!

    Forque: But i'm sure if you do a good job and are really nice, he'll let you off sometime, let you cruise the dating scene. hang around in a couple bars maybe. Maevar is good like that.

    Lucky: Oh, thank you. you are too generous! i'll get started right away. but first i need to be free of these ropes.

    Gebina: oh sure. let me get that for you! *unties teh ropes*

    Lucky: Ha ha! foolish humans! *swims away quickly* i knew you'd fall for it! *swims away looking back tauntingly* ha ha hahahaahah

    Forque: Carp! we're too slow to catch him again! and we're almost out of air!

    *just the lucky hits his head on the side of his Upsidedown fishbowl. he floats to the top unconscios.*

    Ottress: Well that takes care of that.

    Cool Mary: So what now fearless leader?

    Forque: We leave him to Maevar, and head to the surface. he doesnt need our help.

    Maevar: *grunt*

    How interesting no? Tune in next week for The Never-ending Story, we laugh at our own jokes so you dont have to!

    ------------------
    &lt;Dormouse&gt; there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

    We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

    &lt;Dormouse&gt; it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute
    My girlfriend paid a lot of money for that tv; I want to watch ALL OF IT. - JM

  38. #78
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    Posts
    166
    Geb: Woah...where am I?

    Mysterious Voice: You are in the *ahem* 8th Dimen- *cough* *cough* splutter...

    Geb: Er..

    Mysterious Voice: The 8th Dim-*cough* *hack*

    Geb: Uh...the 8th Dimension?

    Mysterious Voice: No! Shut up. It's the 8th Dimensh-sh-sh-...BOLLOCKS! I can never bloody say it!

    Geb: Oh...isn't that, like, your job? You know, to say the "8th dimension"?

    Mysterious Voice: Shut up Geb.

    Geb: Hey, I know you!

    Mysterious Voice: DUN DUN DUUUN! *ahem* Yes, yes you do.

    Geb: Mr Coney! My 5th grade gym teacher!

    Mysterious Voice: Yes! Wait, no, no I'm not.

    Geb: Oh...Mr Johnson? My gruff but loveable local store owner from whose shop I used to steal caffiene pills and copies of the readers digest, hustler and writer's monthly?

    Mysterious Voice: you pesky kid! But no, No I'm not. I'm none other than-

    Geb: Haggis? CookedHagiis? The weird waiter guy who hung around even though we didn't really like him?

    Mysterious Voice: Who?

    Geb: You know. The waiter guy. He was English. Or snooty. or something.

    Mysterious Voice: Oh, no. I think he's dead.

    Geb: Really?

    Mysterious Voice: Yeah. back on page 1 of NeS2.

    Geb: Oh. Bummer.

    Mysterious Voice: Yeah, sucks to be him. Yeah, so anyway, I'm none other than Brodie Thomas, your former cute but rather irratating neighbour.

    Geb: Who?

    Brodie: Brodie. I lived next door to you for 6 years man.

    Geb: You sure?

    Brodie: Yeah. I used to have a pair of binoculars in our bathroom, because I could see your shower and your sister was hot man!

    Geb: Yu little son of a...

    Brodie: But anyway, I'm here to tell you about THE 8TH DIMENSION!

  39. #79
    Meanwhile... on a planet far away... on... GHOST PLANET!

    Cool Ghosty: Hello everyone and welcome to Cool Ghosty, Coast to Coast, a talk show where we interview popular celebrities! I'd first like to introduce the staff to you all before we get started. First off is our musical director: Zorwai.

    Zorwai: Burn. In. Hell.

    CG: Quite a nice fellow, don't you think? Well, now for the main director: Moltmiru.

    Moltmiru: Hello....

    CG: So how is it back in the control room.

    MM: Hot... very hot. Thanks to you, cheap-o. Got all the AC blowing on you.

    CG: It's how I stay "Cool"!.

    MM: Right. Remind me again why I stay on this show...

    CG: Because I blast your head off with my plasma ray?

    MM: But I am made of lava... that would be like throwing water at water...

    CG: And now I'll introduce you all to our first guest: The Last True Celebrity. Welcome TLTC!

    TLTC: Hello, Cool Ghosty.

    CG: So, tell us a little about yourself.

    TLTC: Well, I was an evil, power-seeking hungry freak who wanted the world, but I changed and went for the true and righteous way.

    Zorwai: I hate the world, I hate life, but most importantly, I hate you.

    CG: Sorry, did you say something Zorwai?

    ZW: Oh sorry, I didn't say anything that was meant as an insult to you or your guest in any sort of way.

    CG: Okay, just chec...

    ZW (Under breath): Sike.

    CG: What?

    ZW: Nothing.

    CG: Okay... Now TLTC... what's your curre...

    ZW: Moron.

    CG: AHEM what's your current care...

    ZW: Complete. Moron.

    CG: Aight... that's it.

    Cool Ghosty blasts Zorwai with his PLASMA RAY. Zorwai falls silent, being turned to a crisp

    CG: As I was saying... What is your career now?

    TLTC: Well, I work for the United States Postal Service.

    CG: I thought you were a celebrity.

    TLTC: Well, that's only what my name says. Sorry bout the confusion, you can blame my parents for that.

    CG: Interesting... MOLTMIRU!!!!

    Moltmiru: What?!

    CG: What possessed you to get this guy?

    MM: You told me to.

    CG: Oh. Well don't you know any better by now?

    MM: Yes, but the show is much better when it's YOU who makes the mistakes.

    CG: Well put someone else on.

    MM: Sorry, the next celebrity isn't lined up to come on for another ... minute and a half.

    CG: Well... crap. Ok, FAKE CELEBRITY... how is your "Posta..."

    Zorwai: Your mother was a hamster...

    CG: *cough* How is your "Postal Service" jo...

    ZW: And your father smelt of ELDERBERRIES!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DI-REC-TION!

    CG: I thought I disintegrated you!

    ZW: I ducked.

    CG: Behind what?

    ZW: Uh... real low... behind ... a rock.

    CG: But this is a studio... there aren't any rocks here!

    ZW: Come over here and look!

    Cool Ghosty walks over to where ZW is sitting, around his keyboard.

    ZW: Just look down... right there... no ... a little to the left... a little more ... a little more..

    Suddenly, ZW takes a book and smacks CG with a book titled "War and Peace", with the peace scratched out in red pen.

    CG: OW! THAT HURT!

    ZW: Well duh, it was supposed to!

    CG: Why you little...

    The two commence fighting. The camera jumps back to Moltmiru back in the control room.
    Moltmiru: Uh... the scenes are a bit... okay VERY VIOLENT. I think I'll just end the show here... you definately don't want to ...Oh man, that had to hurt! OUCH! Wow... that was nice...
    Oh, right. Well, thanks for watching ... and uhh.. I think there is a basketball game on Channel 12 if you want to watch that... or something. Thanks...

    Transmission lost flashes on the Control Room Screen.

    Moltmiru: Oh dammit... it's all fun and games till they break a camera...

    Until Next time... this is Cool Ghosty: Coast to Coast Narrator... signing off.

    ------------------
    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  40. #80
    (NSP: Make sure you check the NeS workshop thread if you haven't already. This particular randomness might make more sense. You all should also read and reply to the State of Massassi thread concerning with the future of Massassi. It's not quite as urgent as when we thought Massassi would die when UGO left, but it's up there. If worse comes to worse, we may need to find a new home for NeS...)

    Geb: No, this isn't right. I think...

    The scene changes again. Gebohq and the heroes are on the moon. Which is made of cheese. They are all decked out in colorful Star Trek-esque uniforms. Evil Geb stands nearby, now with a goatee.

    Evil Geb: I really hope this isn't the eigth dimension...

    Lt. Ford: I really hope Geb learns to wield NeS better, and soon...

    Ensign Wai: I really hope I don't die -- wait, I'm an ensign. ...crap.

    Capt. Geb: *to Evil Geb* Give up now, we have you surrounded!

    evil Geb: Not quite. Look behind you!

    Capt. Geb: Like I'd fall for that one. We both know that's how we run away best--

    The Last True Commander (TLTC): Uh...

    Capt. Geb: What is it?

    TLTC: Behind us, sir.

    Captain Gebohq turns around, and sees a 50 foot scaly moon beast covered in moldy scales with 40 arms and 40 legs and 40 heads and only 2 eyes, hands and feet total. Its many mouths snarled, and it lunges towards the NeS crew. It promply eats Ensign Wai and a number of other nameless crewmen.

    Ensign Wai: But I'm not nameless--oh sh--AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    The moon beasts then snaps towards Counselor Maeve, who rolls out of danger. Chief Engineer Krig attempts to grapple the beast, but is flung far in the low gravity by one of it's arms-lacking-a-hand.

    Doctor CoolMatty: My tricorder readings tell me that it's susceptible to phasers.

    TLTC: I don't think we need a tricorder to tell us that.

    Doc. CM: I'm a doctor, not a -- oh forget it.

    The crew take pot-shots at the moon beast with their phasers, and finally bring it down. Captian Gebohq turns to his evil counterpart.

    Capt. Geb: Now as for you...

    Evil Geb: Like hell I'll accept this as the eigth dimension!

    Evil Gebohq clutches onto Gebohq's head, and Gebohq in turn does the same. Their surroundings shift and clash with each other, with slash marks and eraser-marks and white blotches over the landscape. Gebohq then head-butts the evil Gebohq and fires his modified plothole pistol at him, and the scene solidifies once more...

    (NSP: Keep tossing those ideas out, or just let loose and write what comes to your mind . We'll get to the eigth dimension... eventually.)
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

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