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Thread: Exsanguination v.1

  1. #1

    Exsanguination v.1

    This is a story I've been trying to work on for a while. This is the first "chapter" sorta thing... um. I don't think it's particularly good, and it's in need of editing. But I'm going for a vaguely noir sort of feel and any suggestions with the helpfulness toward that goal would be shiny.


    “If the red slayer think he slays,
    Or if the slain think he is slain,
    They know not well the subtle ways,
    I keep and pass and turn again.”
    – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Jerradine waited next to a file cabinet for the man and the woman to pass. No one would notice her, sequestered between a file cabinet and a divider wall; humans nowadays were horribly unaware of their surroundings. Perhaps it was because they no longer were at the bottom of a very hungry food chain, safe in their rising metropolises of metal and man-made materials. They had lost their instincts as prey.

    Which makes it an opportune time to wake and hunt. The thought made the edges of her lips twitch slightly in humor as the couple walked by. Their body language was fascinating, new to her, but still following the patterns passed down from ages past.

    They passed, the smell of their perfume and deodorants barely masking the ephemeral scents of their pheromones mingling in the artificially air conditioned. Inhaling deeply, she could smell them, almost taste them. In response, her pupils dilated in an age old instinct of her own. Irritated that she was letting herself get distracted, she shook her head and inched forward in the abandoned cubicle to peer around the corner of the file cabinet.

    Her quick scan found the hallway beyond the labyrinth of dividers and machines clear of occupants. Taking a deep breath, her senses confirmed her supposition that the man and woman were the only two to have gone down that hallway all day. The smell of sex wafted in the air and she stilled a snort of amusement. That at least had not changed.

    Moving from her hiding spot, she straightened her tailored business suit and assumed an air of unquestionable authority. Her back straight, she strode down the hallway towards the only door with a security lock next to it, her steps sure and her manner indicating that anyone who would stop her had better have a damn good reason to do so.

    The door lock was going to be an inconvenience. Humans had gotten more sophisticated since she was last awake and older methods were no longer applicable in some situations. Such as this... she pursed her lips and looked at the glowing numbers on the keypad. Her sources had not been able to secure the combination for this particular lock, although they had provided her the access codes for the doors before it. Footsteps sounded behind her and she turned to see one of the employees approaching. Damn.

    Facing him, she sized him up. He was well groomed, and possibly attractive, although it had been quite some time since she had cared to evaluate a human as such. He was beginning to show a middle aged spread in his abdomen, and he obviously tried to cover it with loose clothes. As he neared, he smiled at her, showing bleached teeth.

    “The door stuck again?” He asked with out preamble.

    She nodded, her expression guarded as he closed the distance between them, standing in her personal space as he pretended to peer at the door lock while not very obtrusively checking out her curves. Her form had always been attractive to humans and it occurred to her that perhaps this would be an opportune time to try an alternate tactic other than merely breaking his neck.

    “It always does this to me.” She said waving her hand vaguely toward the lock, hoping that her slight accent was not too out of place.

    He nodded wisely, as if they were speaking of matters less mundane than the functionality of the door’s security system. “Lemme see if I can get it to work for you…” He obviously expected that she would return the favor in a manner to his liking.

    She stifled her amusement and assumed an expression of aloof gratitude while he punched the appropriate code into the troublesome pad. He made an expression of disgust when it beeped impertinently and uncooperatively at him. “That stupid three always sticks wrong.” He commented, as if she needed an explanation. In response, she merely nodded as if she knew exactly what he was talking about.

    He began to say more, but under her steady gaze, he apparently decided against it and tried the combination again. After several more attempts, he managed to hit the buttons correctly, and the door unlatched with an audible snick.

    Opening the door with a flourish and a satisfied smile, he held it open for her to enter. As she passed, he spoke up, “I didn’t catch your name…”

    “And?” She raised an eyebrow, the gesture more of a threat than an indication of a question.

    Opening his mouth as if to respond, he closed it quickly when he saw her expression. Nodding in satisfaction, she turned her back on him and strode purposefully down the continuing hall to the door at the end. The man stood for a moment or two, then followed her down the hall, as it appeared that it had been his original intention to enter the secured areas as well.

    He caught up with her, obviously intent on continuing their one-sided conversation, “My name is Derek, I’m the senior manager of planning. You must be with the overseas company.” He stated, rather than asked.

    Jerradine gave him another look. It was becoming quite obvious that Derek was going to persist in making himself a nuisance. She was not very proficient at being cordial to humans, much less flirtatious, but it was quickly becoming apparent that her distant attitude was making her more attractive to this idiotic creature.

    Turning her gaze from him, she saw that they were near an unmarked door and reached for the handle, hoping to find a room where she could wait until he left before continuing.

    “Oh, you must not know the labs very well, that’s the janitor’s closet.” He told her, reaching to stop her. As his hand grazed her shoulder, time seemed to pause as sensations overwhelmed her. She tensed, her pupils dilating as the smell of him increased. She could feel the feathery faint beat of his heart through the fingertips that barely touched the shoulder of her blazer.

    “That was a mistake.” She said, turning a dire gaze upon him. He stood transfixed, like the prey he was. Yanking the door to the closet open, she pulled him in.


    (I apologize for the necessity of the spaces between the paragraphs, but I realized it was almost impossible to read otherwise on a screen).

  2. #2
    Yeah, the forums are lame like that -- they won't indent, so you have to stick spaces in between them.

    I found it entertaining! If you really want, I can try and scan for nitpick technical stuff or something, but I think it was awesome. I hope you post more!
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

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