I originally started a thread called "A.H.N.U.L.D.: A Story of Robotic Proportions" which was supposed to tell the story of before he got tangled up with the NeS storyline. The thread died because I didn't feel the story was progressing the way I wanted it to. I ended up writing some awful stuff that was just too wacky for even me. So I took the first few parts of the story and left them the same. I cut the story off at the part where it started getting stupid and am now re-writing the story. Part II is almost finished, and I'll post it later.
The original story is written by Daft_Vader, Yecti, and myself. When the story is completed it is going to consist of 4 parts. So here it goes...
Down in an unknown small village, a scientist and his assistant are hard at work, for they have been building one of the potentially greatest robots ever. This village is hidden deep inside of a mountainside, where no naked eye can see, and no human can reach. It is a rather warm place where until a few years ago people have lived with no fear what so ever, where the sound of birds and the smell of flowers is always present. This Robot called A.H.N.U.L.D. was originally created to save the town from certain disaster. Now, with the town safe again, A.H.N.U.L.D. is being built to protect the town to make sure such a disaster will never occur again. He will be so strong that he can lift up to 10 times his body weight (He weighs a little over 20 tons). A.H.N.U.L.D. will even use a skin coating system and a top of the line vocal system. He will look and feel exactly like a human, the only difference is he will weigh an extremely lot more. A.H.N.U.L.D. is nearing his completion, it’s been three full years and the townsfolk are anxiously awaiting his arrival.
Scientist: Almost Finished, I just need to tweak this...and yes here we are.
Jake (The Scientists assistant): Is it ready?
Scientist: Yes, yes I believe it is, let me just turn him on.
The scientist reaches for a small button located on the back of the robot. He then flips the switch, and after several seconds the robots eyes open....but then shut shortly after. The scientist and Jake stare at the robot.
Jake: Was that supposed to happen?
Scientist: Really, what do you think!?
The scientist barked back at Jake.
Scientist: Lets see what went wrong THIS time.
The scientist walks over to his computer, types something in and a paper prints out.
“Booting up A.H.N.U.L.D.
...10010
100
011101 1001 10 100 10000110101110
Start sequence – Loaded...
Knowledge – Loaded...
Personality – Loaded...
V-caps – Loaded...
A.I. Files 1 – Loaded...
A.I. Files 2 – Loaded...
Starting Windows 98...
Loading...
Loading...
Flagrant error. Shutting down.
00100 01000111010 0
10001 001
0
111001000001 ”
Scientist: Blasted Windows!!! Jake!!!!
Jake: Yes sir?
Scientist: Get me...*sigh*..get..
Jake: What is it sir?
Scientist: Get me Linux
Jake stares at the scientist, he drops the tools that he was holding.
Jake: Sir, no..y..you need to rest, that’s all. Sir, please. Reconsider. There must be, there just has to be another way.
Scientist: I’m sorry Jake, there isn’t..Now get me Linux!
Jake stands still, almost as if he were afraid to move.
Scientist: Now listen to me Jake, we are going to have to take away many of Ahnuld's capabilities. Some of his knowledge, he speech, and even some of his games, Linux won’t support them. I..I’m sorry Jake.
Jake: Hey, well at least he won’t crash anymore, right?
The scientist afraid to answer his question, looks back at Ahnuld and continues talking.
Scientist: Just get me Linux...
After the instillation of Linux, the robot known as Ahuld started up just fine.
Ahnuld: Hello, my name is Ahnuld. I am a machine. How might I fulfill my programming?
Scientist: Tell me, how do you feel?
Ahnuld: I am a machine . . . I do not feel.
Scientist: Alright, alright, tell me how your systems running?
Ahnuld: They are running an optimum efficiency, but I do need to go to the bathroom.
Scientist: I see. Well, be quick about it.
Ahnuld runs off to the nearest bathroom clutching his nether-regions.
Scientist: Ahh, I had foreseen this problem. One of the few disadvantages of his "realism" plus the fact he's about 1,000 pounds - that's gotta generate some serious blockage. Personally, I think they overdid the detail. For goodness sake, why would a robot need muscles that size, makes him look like the Michelin Man on steroids! And then theres . . .well, let's not go there.
Jake: Hey, I'm just happy the thing works . . . **mutters** despite Linux **mutters**
Ahnuld returns, letting out a big sigh of relief.
Scientist: For the love of decency, put some pants on would you! Jake, fetch the clothing line.
Jake runs off and brings back a clothes rack on wheels with a label across the side reading "Experimental Clothesline: Wear at Your Own Risk" and places it beside Ahnuld, who arches his left eyebrow and has a look.
Scientist: These should look suit you perfectly. How about our new Mag sealed Weapon-Resistant Spandex suit. And here's an Ergonomically-designed Spee...uh, yeah, and a black leather trech coat, or maybe even Ralph Lauren...never mind. I'm sure we've got something else here...
Ahnuld: Give me your clothes. Now.
Scientist: Uhh, come again?
Ahnuld: Never mind, obsolete programming. I'll take the trench coat.
Jake selects the trench coat off the rack, hands it to Ahnuld, who puts it on carefully.
Scientist and Jake: Wow, it makes you look a lot thinner.
Scientist: Wow, that was cool we just said th..
Scientist and Jake: ..e exact same thing.
The scientist glares at Jake
Jake: Sorry.
Scientist: He's missing something..hmm..
Ahnuld looks down, then back up at the scientist
Scientist: Oh, wow, yes..pants. Wow, did I really build you that hu...never mind. Here take these.
The scientist looks around for pants
Scientist: Umm..Wow, this is a bit of a problem, I never thought about clothes while I was building you...I never really left the house for three years, unless I needed food or parts, so I never really bought new clothes...We can't let you out in public like this so...Oh!
The scientist turns and looks at Jake
Scientist: Hey Jake can I h..
Jake: No.
Scientist: *Hmph* Jake, give me your pants now......JAKE!!
Jake: Ugh, god dang-it. Fine. here.
Jake removes his pants and hands them to Ahnuld
Ahnuld: Thank you for your pants.
Ahnuld slips the pants on, and his bulky muscle filled legs rip them to what looks like shorts for The Hulk.
Jake: Oh jeeze, those pants cost a fortune!
Scientist: ...Well, it will have to do for now, I guess we c...DEAR GOD! Jake?! What is wrong with you! Go put on some pants.
Jake: You just made me give them to Ah..
Scientist: Jake, no. I don't even want to know, just go get some pants on.
Jake goes to find some more pants while the Scientist looks over Ahnuld. Ahnuld blinks and his fake eye ball rolls out of his skull, revealing his red glowing robotic eye.
Scientist: Oh my, I am supposed to present you in less then an hour and you are missing an eye...Gah, and you have no shirt on..just a coat..Jake give Ahnuld your sh..hey where did he go? Oh well, here Ahnuld take these sunglasses, that should cover you up until I can fix your eye.
Ahnuld: Thank you. Oh and..by the way, why don't I just put that shirt on..behind the rack of experimental clothes...
Ahnuld pushes the experimental clothes out of the way
Scientist: Well I suppose you could do that. Here, have this tight black shirt...
Ahnuld puts on the tight black shirt, which fits him like a tight glove...tightly
Ahnuld: Where are we going now?
Scientist: Well, we are going to show you off to the towns folk Ahnuld. You are the strongest robot ever to exist. You are also the smartest one!...Errm...well to run on Linux.
Ahnuld: Oh umm..Lin-ux, yes...Let us go show me off. I just can't wait to get out there and show off my sexy, muscles. I am such a machine.
Scientist: (wary) Uhh, Ahnuld, you are a machine.
The two of them depart from the laboratory, not waiting for Jake, and walk out into the city streets where people flock left and right in hopes of getting a glimpse of the machine' tremendous figure, though mainly just to google at his tight pants.
Ahnuld: I see penguins. Does not compute.
Scientist: Ahh, that would be Linux. Just ignore it, must be a, watermark...
Jake squeezes through the massive crowd and rejoins them.
Scientist: What on earth are you wearing? They're pretty colorful.
Jake: Some clothes I stole off a mannequin. I know the owner, so I worked something out. What's up with Ahnuld?
Scientist: He's seeing penguins. Must be a side-effect of Linux - I reckon it's a watermark.
Jake: But we made him?
Scientist: Try telling Linux CEOs that.
They enter the town square, and the scientist and Jake step up to a podium to speak while Ahnuld ascends a tall, wooden platform, which trembles under his wait and collapses. A new, metal one is brought out, but when Ahnuld stands on that, it falls through the entire stage. Eventually he just stands out on the ground. Crowds of people flock from all around.
Scientist: I now, proudly present to you, none other than Ahnuld!
The Scientist turns to Ahnuld, as the townsfolk are all yelling and clapping and screaming 'Ahnuld! Ahnuld!'..Ahnuld isn't moving
Scientist: Ahnuld...AHNULD!? What's wrong..*to the townsfolk* Please, be quiet...Ahnuld isn't responding.
The townsfolk all simmer down and stare at Ahnuld confused and saddened
Ahnuld: There. Look. *Points in front of him* Penguin.
The scientist looks as he speaks
Scientist: Ahnuld, I am telling you it's a Linu...Oh sweet lord...a penguin.
Ahnuld: Penguin. Why?
Jake approaches the penguin
Penguin: Hello?
Jake: AHH! It can talk!
Penguin: Hey! Woah! Wait! Calm down! Of course I can talk. I mean, I know penguins in this dimension can't talk, but seriously, listen, it's really simple.
Jake: Ahnuld...
Ahnuld: Yes?
Jake: ATTACK! KILL KILL KILL! EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ahnuld: ...What? You want me to kill that cute innocent creature?
Random Townsfolk #1: Ummm, this is just my opinion here, and maybe it's totally out there, but just hear me out.... ... ...umm ... ... ... ...uhhh ... ... ... ... ... ...
Ahnuld: Well? Are you going to tell us?
Random Townsfolk #1: Yes, sorry. It's just that I wanted to wait for permission before talking. I mean, you are a gigantic robot....and I mean, uhh...ummm... GOD, would you get him some darker sunglasses. Come on! I can see that glowing red eye right through them. It just creeps me out! If he's meant to be good, why would you make his freaking eyes RED?! Don't you people watch movies, I mean red is usually a sign of evil!
Scientist: Hey, shut up! When you spend three years of your life doing nothing but building a robot to save the stupid town you live in, let me know how many mistakes you make!
Random Townsfolk #2: It took you three years, too bad the town was saved by Professor Qwerty's robot a year and a half ago!
Scientist: Professor Qwerty stole my design! PROFESSOR QWERTY IS A THIEF AND A LIAR! Ahnuld would have been done sooner if it wasn't for him! I had to start from scratch a year ago! Try building the best robot ever in ONE year without taking shortcuts!
Ahnuld: Wait....you took shortcuts in building me.
Scientist: ...Uhh...No! Listen Ahnuld, I mean, no, I would never.
As his sentence ends a great rumbling sound takes the town by surprise. The source of the sound is coming from Ahnuld...Suddenly Ahnulds pants rip to shreds and his....."unit" collapses to the ground crushing Random Townsfolk #1's legs.
Ahnuld: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Ahnuld runs off into the distance sobbing and yelling. His mighty footsteps leave gigantic holes in the ground. After Ahnuld is a fair distance away from the town, the rumbling continues.
Scientist: Ahnuld! Come back! No! Three years of my LIFE! FOR NOTHING!
The rumbling gets louder by the second
Jake: Ahnuld is gone, where is that rumbling coming from?
Penguin: Look up!
The entire population of the town looks up at once to see gigantic pieces of the mountians above them collapsing down.
Ramdom Townsfolk #3: You created him to protect us, and now he's doomed us all!
The entire town breaks into a panic. Women, children, and men alike are screaming at the top of their lungs and running around hopelessly.
Who will save them? What has become of Ahnuld (and his unit)? Who is this mysterious penguin? Why can he talk? Find out soon...
The original story is written by Daft_Vader, Yecti, and myself. When the story is completed it is going to consist of 4 parts. So here it goes...
Down in an unknown small village, a scientist and his assistant are hard at work, for they have been building one of the potentially greatest robots ever. This village is hidden deep inside of a mountainside, where no naked eye can see, and no human can reach. It is a rather warm place where until a few years ago people have lived with no fear what so ever, where the sound of birds and the smell of flowers is always present. This Robot called A.H.N.U.L.D. was originally created to save the town from certain disaster. Now, with the town safe again, A.H.N.U.L.D. is being built to protect the town to make sure such a disaster will never occur again. He will be so strong that he can lift up to 10 times his body weight (He weighs a little over 20 tons). A.H.N.U.L.D. will even use a skin coating system and a top of the line vocal system. He will look and feel exactly like a human, the only difference is he will weigh an extremely lot more. A.H.N.U.L.D. is nearing his completion, it’s been three full years and the townsfolk are anxiously awaiting his arrival.
Scientist: Almost Finished, I just need to tweak this...and yes here we are.
Jake (The Scientists assistant): Is it ready?
Scientist: Yes, yes I believe it is, let me just turn him on.
The scientist reaches for a small button located on the back of the robot. He then flips the switch, and after several seconds the robots eyes open....but then shut shortly after. The scientist and Jake stare at the robot.
Jake: Was that supposed to happen?
Scientist: Really, what do you think!?
The scientist barked back at Jake.
Scientist: Lets see what went wrong THIS time.
The scientist walks over to his computer, types something in and a paper prints out.
“Booting up A.H.N.U.L.D.
...10010
100
011101 1001 10 100 10000110101110
Start sequence – Loaded...
Knowledge – Loaded...
Personality – Loaded...
V-caps – Loaded...
A.I. Files 1 – Loaded...
A.I. Files 2 – Loaded...
Starting Windows 98...
Loading...
Loading...
Flagrant error. Shutting down.
00100 01000111010 0
10001 001
0
111001000001 ”
Scientist: Blasted Windows!!! Jake!!!!
Jake: Yes sir?
Scientist: Get me...*sigh*..get..
Jake: What is it sir?
Scientist: Get me Linux
Jake stares at the scientist, he drops the tools that he was holding.
Jake: Sir, no..y..you need to rest, that’s all. Sir, please. Reconsider. There must be, there just has to be another way.
Scientist: I’m sorry Jake, there isn’t..Now get me Linux!
Jake stands still, almost as if he were afraid to move.
Scientist: Now listen to me Jake, we are going to have to take away many of Ahnuld's capabilities. Some of his knowledge, he speech, and even some of his games, Linux won’t support them. I..I’m sorry Jake.
Jake: Hey, well at least he won’t crash anymore, right?
The scientist afraid to answer his question, looks back at Ahnuld and continues talking.
Scientist: Just get me Linux...
After the instillation of Linux, the robot known as Ahuld started up just fine.
Ahnuld: Hello, my name is Ahnuld. I am a machine. How might I fulfill my programming?
Scientist: Tell me, how do you feel?
Ahnuld: I am a machine . . . I do not feel.
Scientist: Alright, alright, tell me how your systems running?
Ahnuld: They are running an optimum efficiency, but I do need to go to the bathroom.
Scientist: I see. Well, be quick about it.
Ahnuld runs off to the nearest bathroom clutching his nether-regions.
Scientist: Ahh, I had foreseen this problem. One of the few disadvantages of his "realism" plus the fact he's about 1,000 pounds - that's gotta generate some serious blockage. Personally, I think they overdid the detail. For goodness sake, why would a robot need muscles that size, makes him look like the Michelin Man on steroids! And then theres . . .well, let's not go there.
Jake: Hey, I'm just happy the thing works . . . **mutters** despite Linux **mutters**
Ahnuld returns, letting out a big sigh of relief.
Scientist: For the love of decency, put some pants on would you! Jake, fetch the clothing line.
Jake runs off and brings back a clothes rack on wheels with a label across the side reading "Experimental Clothesline: Wear at Your Own Risk" and places it beside Ahnuld, who arches his left eyebrow and has a look.
Scientist: These should look suit you perfectly. How about our new Mag sealed Weapon-Resistant Spandex suit. And here's an Ergonomically-designed Spee...uh, yeah, and a black leather trech coat, or maybe even Ralph Lauren...never mind. I'm sure we've got something else here...
Ahnuld: Give me your clothes. Now.
Scientist: Uhh, come again?
Ahnuld: Never mind, obsolete programming. I'll take the trench coat.
Jake selects the trench coat off the rack, hands it to Ahnuld, who puts it on carefully.
Scientist and Jake: Wow, it makes you look a lot thinner.
Scientist: Wow, that was cool we just said th..
Scientist and Jake: ..e exact same thing.
The scientist glares at Jake
Jake: Sorry.
Scientist: He's missing something..hmm..
Ahnuld looks down, then back up at the scientist
Scientist: Oh, wow, yes..pants. Wow, did I really build you that hu...never mind. Here take these.
The scientist looks around for pants
Scientist: Umm..Wow, this is a bit of a problem, I never thought about clothes while I was building you...I never really left the house for three years, unless I needed food or parts, so I never really bought new clothes...We can't let you out in public like this so...Oh!
The scientist turns and looks at Jake
Scientist: Hey Jake can I h..
Jake: No.
Scientist: *Hmph* Jake, give me your pants now......JAKE!!
Jake: Ugh, god dang-it. Fine. here.
Jake removes his pants and hands them to Ahnuld
Ahnuld: Thank you for your pants.
Ahnuld slips the pants on, and his bulky muscle filled legs rip them to what looks like shorts for The Hulk.
Jake: Oh jeeze, those pants cost a fortune!
Scientist: ...Well, it will have to do for now, I guess we c...DEAR GOD! Jake?! What is wrong with you! Go put on some pants.
Jake: You just made me give them to Ah..
Scientist: Jake, no. I don't even want to know, just go get some pants on.
Jake goes to find some more pants while the Scientist looks over Ahnuld. Ahnuld blinks and his fake eye ball rolls out of his skull, revealing his red glowing robotic eye.
Scientist: Oh my, I am supposed to present you in less then an hour and you are missing an eye...Gah, and you have no shirt on..just a coat..Jake give Ahnuld your sh..hey where did he go? Oh well, here Ahnuld take these sunglasses, that should cover you up until I can fix your eye.
Ahnuld: Thank you. Oh and..by the way, why don't I just put that shirt on..behind the rack of experimental clothes...
Ahnuld pushes the experimental clothes out of the way
Scientist: Well I suppose you could do that. Here, have this tight black shirt...
Ahnuld puts on the tight black shirt, which fits him like a tight glove...tightly
Ahnuld: Where are we going now?
Scientist: Well, we are going to show you off to the towns folk Ahnuld. You are the strongest robot ever to exist. You are also the smartest one!...Errm...well to run on Linux.
Ahnuld: Oh umm..Lin-ux, yes...Let us go show me off. I just can't wait to get out there and show off my sexy, muscles. I am such a machine.
Scientist: (wary) Uhh, Ahnuld, you are a machine.
The two of them depart from the laboratory, not waiting for Jake, and walk out into the city streets where people flock left and right in hopes of getting a glimpse of the machine' tremendous figure, though mainly just to google at his tight pants.
Ahnuld: I see penguins. Does not compute.
Scientist: Ahh, that would be Linux. Just ignore it, must be a, watermark...
Jake squeezes through the massive crowd and rejoins them.
Scientist: What on earth are you wearing? They're pretty colorful.
Jake: Some clothes I stole off a mannequin. I know the owner, so I worked something out. What's up with Ahnuld?
Scientist: He's seeing penguins. Must be a side-effect of Linux - I reckon it's a watermark.
Jake: But we made him?
Scientist: Try telling Linux CEOs that.
They enter the town square, and the scientist and Jake step up to a podium to speak while Ahnuld ascends a tall, wooden platform, which trembles under his wait and collapses. A new, metal one is brought out, but when Ahnuld stands on that, it falls through the entire stage. Eventually he just stands out on the ground. Crowds of people flock from all around.
Scientist: I now, proudly present to you, none other than Ahnuld!
The Scientist turns to Ahnuld, as the townsfolk are all yelling and clapping and screaming 'Ahnuld! Ahnuld!'..Ahnuld isn't moving
Scientist: Ahnuld...AHNULD!? What's wrong..*to the townsfolk* Please, be quiet...Ahnuld isn't responding.
The townsfolk all simmer down and stare at Ahnuld confused and saddened
Ahnuld: There. Look. *Points in front of him* Penguin.
The scientist looks as he speaks
Scientist: Ahnuld, I am telling you it's a Linu...Oh sweet lord...a penguin.
Ahnuld: Penguin. Why?
Jake approaches the penguin
Penguin: Hello?
Jake: AHH! It can talk!
Penguin: Hey! Woah! Wait! Calm down! Of course I can talk. I mean, I know penguins in this dimension can't talk, but seriously, listen, it's really simple.
Jake: Ahnuld...
Ahnuld: Yes?
Jake: ATTACK! KILL KILL KILL! EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ahnuld: ...What? You want me to kill that cute innocent creature?
Random Townsfolk #1: Ummm, this is just my opinion here, and maybe it's totally out there, but just hear me out.... ... ...umm ... ... ... ...uhhh ... ... ... ... ... ...
Ahnuld: Well? Are you going to tell us?
Random Townsfolk #1: Yes, sorry. It's just that I wanted to wait for permission before talking. I mean, you are a gigantic robot....and I mean, uhh...ummm... GOD, would you get him some darker sunglasses. Come on! I can see that glowing red eye right through them. It just creeps me out! If he's meant to be good, why would you make his freaking eyes RED?! Don't you people watch movies, I mean red is usually a sign of evil!
Scientist: Hey, shut up! When you spend three years of your life doing nothing but building a robot to save the stupid town you live in, let me know how many mistakes you make!
Random Townsfolk #2: It took you three years, too bad the town was saved by Professor Qwerty's robot a year and a half ago!
Scientist: Professor Qwerty stole my design! PROFESSOR QWERTY IS A THIEF AND A LIAR! Ahnuld would have been done sooner if it wasn't for him! I had to start from scratch a year ago! Try building the best robot ever in ONE year without taking shortcuts!
Ahnuld: Wait....you took shortcuts in building me.
Scientist: ...Uhh...No! Listen Ahnuld, I mean, no, I would never.
As his sentence ends a great rumbling sound takes the town by surprise. The source of the sound is coming from Ahnuld...Suddenly Ahnulds pants rip to shreds and his....."unit" collapses to the ground crushing Random Townsfolk #1's legs.
Ahnuld: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Ahnuld runs off into the distance sobbing and yelling. His mighty footsteps leave gigantic holes in the ground. After Ahnuld is a fair distance away from the town, the rumbling continues.
Scientist: Ahnuld! Come back! No! Three years of my LIFE! FOR NOTHING!
The rumbling gets louder by the second
Jake: Ahnuld is gone, where is that rumbling coming from?
Penguin: Look up!
The entire population of the town looks up at once to see gigantic pieces of the mountians above them collapsing down.
Ramdom Townsfolk #3: You created him to protect us, and now he's doomed us all!
The entire town breaks into a panic. Women, children, and men alike are screaming at the top of their lungs and running around hopelessly.
Who will save them? What has become of Ahnuld (and his unit)? Who is this mysterious penguin? Why can he talk? Find out soon...
Think while it's still legal.