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Thread: Human Being Recall Notice

  1. #1

    Human Being Recall Notice

    This notice applies to all human beings, no exceptions. Read carefully.

    The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

    This defect has been technically termed, "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality," or more commonly known as "SIN".

    Some Symptoms:

    1. Loss of direction
    2. Lack of peace and joy
    3. Depression or confusion in the mental component
    4. Foul vocal emissions
    5. Selfish, violent behavior
    6. Amnesia of origin
    7. Fearfulness
    8. Rebellion
    9. Pride

    To correct this SIN defect, the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.

    There is no additional fee required.
    The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

    Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

    No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

    1. Love
    2. Joy
    3. Peace
    4. Kindness
    5. Goodness
    6. Faithfulness
    7. Gentleness
    8. Patience
    9. Self-control

    Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units direct monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, the HOLY SPIRIT. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and He will take up residence on the premises.

    WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without making these corrections voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to many dangers and problems --- and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

    For free emergency service, call on JESUS. - Thank you for your attention.

  2. #2
    I can't tell. Is this spam, or is this clever writing?

  3. #3
    It's not as good as Bloody Sandwich.

  4. #4
    Argh.

    So when I first saw this thread, I really wanted to turn it into a potential interactive story thread. It'd have been set in the literal apocalypse of mankind, where the only humans left are the meek ones and evil ones. The earth would be split open and blood would run in the waters and the sky would be ash and dusk and 80's techno-metal would rock (because, let's face it, the world was meant to have ended in the 80's). The meek would face their own challenge of faith and fear in the midst of hell on earth. I really have a soft spot for these sort of stories.

    However, I came across some problems.

    The major problem I faced was that I couldn't think of a good way to incorporate the first post into the backstory. I thought at first that the whole "humans as machines" metaphor/imagery might add a good, unique identity to such a story, but then, as I tried to think of ways to work it in the plot, it seemed to either turn the story in my head into something lacking all the things I love about apocalypse stories, or it became meaningless "comic relief" to the story to come. I didn't have any desire to go either direction.

    There are, of course, religious issues to deal with as well. I'm not actually terribly concerned about this as far as offending people, but more so worried about conflicting assumptions if such a story were to be written. I, for one, would be writing up angels and demons left and right, but with few-to-no "good guys" and no mention of God, Satan, the Messiah or the Anti-Christ. I'm a fan of putting characters through a moral crucible, as oppose to just having a "good versus evil" showdown, but I imagine that, if any type of story would make people want to write the latter, it would be the apocalyptic kind. Point being, though, the assumptions we made could make writing such a story conflicting in themes, among other things.

    Finally, I admittedly don't have much of an idea for an actual plot. I suppose that, even if everyone loved writing these sort of stories as much as I do, we could get by with just awesome, concrete descriptions of the environment as our characters kicked demon butt and cursed at God, but the short-story route can only go so far, especially if we'd avoid actually confronting the Antichrist/etc. figure in some all-or-nothing last stand, which is the natural direction for a climax.

    If any of you feel such a story shouldn't be abandoned, speak up! Otherwise, I'll be keeping my focus on NeS and the stuff I already had in mind for the ISB.

  5. #5
    Ugh, this is worse than that "The Candymaker" pamphlet bull**** that my aunt was passing out on Christmas.

  6. #6
    Child's Play CharitySon of Krokodile XVI
    Posts
    4,960
    Well...it's better than the NeS, I suppose.
    Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.

  7. #7
    YOU LOUSY FIN

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