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ForumsDiscussion Forum → Some issues
Some issues
2013-01-13, 10:30 PM #1
I apologize in advance, as I am a long time member of this board, although not active, but I registered a new username to be anonymous to you all, plus some family, as they know my screen name, and I don't wish for this to become public knowledge. If any admins recognize this, please delete this account and switch my real account name to this.

Over this past year, roughly, I have been in quite a state of unknown. My issues, which have caused quite a bit of stress on me, are those of gender issues. I did not know where else to turn to, but perhaps you have some sort of advice or thoughts.

Some times, I feel as if I do belong to the correct sex/gender. While some would say that I should conform to what I feel, this is not as simple as that. This is a fluid issue, in which there are times as if I feel I should be how I was born - a man, but there are many times in which I feel that I should be a female. This feeling can change a few times within even a day, which is what is so hard to deal with.

I am generally a private person. Even among some of my good friends, there has been no discussion of this. I come to you all to see what advice might be offered, as I do not wish to feel so lost so often. This would be much easier if it was a clear cut "one way or the other" case, but unfortunately, it is not.

Please, Massassi, give me some advice or thoughts to go off.
2013-01-14, 4:06 AM #2
And when the moment is right, I'm gonna fly a kite.
2013-01-14, 4:24 AM #3
If this feeling is becoming more frequent, then my guess is that something has changed recently either physically or mentally. So I would see a doctor, take your pick of Physician or Psychologist since I guessing that one will refer you to the other in order to make a diagnosis. It's also probably a good first step to talking about this issue with others in 'real life' since doctors are obligated to keep your condition/treatment confidential.
My favorite JKDF2 h4x:
EAH XMAS v2
MANIPULATOR GUN
EAH SMOOTH SNIPER
2013-01-14, 5:27 AM #4
Go see a doctor.
幻術
2013-01-14, 5:51 AM #5
Definitely see a psychiatrist or similar.
Don't take that to mean I think you're crazy, because you aren't. A psychiatrist can help you get to a better place within yourself, and that doesn't mean "make you 'normal'" it means make you comfortable with who you are. If that means you are someone who identifies yourself as a different gender, so be it!
Also there are a lot of people out there like you, and I think that finding some to talk to could really help you out.
You can't judge a book by it's file size
2013-01-14, 6:28 AM #6
You may want to look up if there are any GLBTQ support groups near you. Often the colleges will have a group if nothing else. Could be really good to get to mingle and chat with others. Also not everybody feels bound to or represents just one sex/gender (eg bigender/genderfluid/genderqueer), so don't feel like any feelings of fluidity or inconsistency invalidate any other feelings. There is a great deal more diversity out there than the heteronormative sex+gender conflated binary dogma presumes upon people.

Also there are a lot of really good sites on the Internets with information. Eg, Transwhat and t-vox are both very good resources.

Edit: Also also, while it can be good to get advice and insight and shared experience from others, ultimately your identity is exactly that. Yours and yours alone. Nobody can make that call for you, but also leave yourself open to your identity potentially evolving over time.
Also, I can kill you with my brain.
2013-01-14, 2:04 PM #7
What Dormouse said. Whatever you identify as (and whenever you do) is great, and other people are asses for making you feel otherwise.

For what it's worth, though, you're not alone and it often helps to find someone to talk to. My partner sounds a lot like you: she identifies with one gender much of the time, but not always. It's a tough situation to be in. One thing that helped her was to start identifying as genderqueer rather than trans. She also was a lot happier with her self-image once she cut her hair & started dressing in a way that she felt could express either gender: it may not help other people to see you the right way all the time, but it can make a big difference to your self-esteem if you always feel right when you look in the mirror.
2013-01-14, 3:01 PM #8
I agree with the above. However, although you will be able to find help on the internet... I'd suggest Massassi, despite you feeling comfortable posting here, probably isn't the best place to get informed and sensible opinions on what is likely to be a very complex and delicate issue. I'd suggest following Dormouse's advice and asking people who've been through what you feel, felt what you feel and will simply be able to help! That's not to say you shouldn't be posting here... but that Massassi, as a community, probably isn't as well equipped to help as others.
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2013-01-14, 9:11 PM #9
I know much of what has been said. I should see a doctor/psychiatrist. I should try to allow myself more chance to transition between the two. I am just a very private person, so it's been hard to do much. I've had these issues for a while, I've believe, but for much of the time, I was able to ignore them. About a year and a half ago, I became sick, and it took many months before it was discovered the reason and lead to surgery. During this time, I developed a panic/anxiety disorder. Because of this, I became much more aware of what I felt throughout my body, and I believe this may have something to do with this becoming that much more prevalent.

I have talked to a couple people that I know in real life about this. I haven't been real sure where to turn to as far as people that such things have affected. The reason I posted this here is that I've spent half my life, 13 years, on here. If my real nick were to be known, I'm sure there would be several that recognized me. My family also knows about this site, and to be extra safe, I created this account. Almost every time I try to do something that might make me happier in this aspect, I talk myself out of it due to just being too afraid of what people that I don't even know might say about buying various pieces of clothing and the like.

I thank most of you for being supportive in this. As for gbk, who posted such a horrible video, please realize that this is a very serious issue. Although I never could do such a thing to myself, I have been depressed to the point of wishing that I was no longer here. And if you truly believe that suicide is painless, as per the video, then perhaps you need to get in touch with reality. Even if it is painless for the person committing suicide, it is hardly painless for the family and friends left behind. But I guess for gbk, that Kentucky conservative attitude has gone a bit too far.
2013-01-14, 9:32 PM #10
If you feel more comfortable, see a doctor only for unrelated anxiety/depression issues, at least at first. I would try to find a psychologist in your area that specializes in gender issues. You can start by going to the websites of local hospitals and searching for doctors there. You can take your time talking to them and seeing how much you feel like you can trust them. They understand it can be hard and should not be pushing you to share information you don't feel comfortable sharing. Working on that, either through psychotherapy, medication or both can help set a good baseline for mood that can help you tackle other issues.

If you don't feel ready to see someone in person (or don't want to at all), pursue additional online forums related to LGBTQ. Being anonymous can make things a lot easier, and there's nothing wrong with that. Don't feel like you should be "supposed" to go to a doctor, especially if you feel that it's not appropriate at this time.
Bassoon, n. A brazen instrument into which a fool blows out his brains.
2013-01-14, 9:44 PM #11
I was on an anti-depressant medication that was supposed to deal with both depression and anxiety, but it didn't work well at all. Honestly, the doctor I have been going to, I don't know if I feel comfortable talking about these issues. With most men, I would feel very inadequate and judged, regardless of reality. There's another female doctor I have thought about contacting to see if she's accepting new patients. Finding someone around here that has experience with this kind of thing is probably futile. I live in a small state and an even smaller area. Trying to expand this range right now would be even more of a hardship as I am so busy with other things, especially work.

If I were to ever express this feelings at work, despite whether I would be let go because of them, I would be ridiculed to the point of where I would have to leave. It is a very conservative office, and acceptance would be not at all. The fact that I am in no financial state to even think about this just makes things that much worse.
2013-01-14, 9:52 PM #12
i didn't know tibby was genderqueer
2013-01-15, 12:21 AM #13
well, I feel like i am probably just repeating what others have been saying at this point, but finding and engaging in an online GLBTQ community could be really beneficial. I think talking with real people who have shared similar experiences face to face would be even more helpful, but you know, obviously that is a huge undertaking in putting yourself out there. Since as you already said you are a very private person, an online community might be a really great first step in that it will still give you a certain anonymity while at the same time letting you talk to and get support from people who may have similar experiences to yours.

I also think if you can find one you are comfortable with, it would be a good thing to see a doctor about the anxiety and depression issues you mentioned. maybe they will have a new or better approach than the last one you went to?
Welcome to the douchebag club. We'd give you some cookies, but some douche ate all of them. -Rob
2013-01-15, 12:39 AM #14
Originally posted by GenderDelusions:
I was on an anti-depressant medication that was supposed to deal with both depression and anxiety, but it didn't work well at all.

There are a lot of medications that work in very different ways and thus have varying effects on different people. If you can find a better doctor in your area that's willing to work with you on it, it's worth a shot.

If it's that hard in your area I'd suggest looking for support groups, online or offline.
Bassoon, n. A brazen instrument into which a fool blows out his brains.
2013-01-15, 6:09 PM #15
Also feel free to PM me. As someone who identifies as some variation of trans*/genderqueer I have a lot of resources I could list for you.
Also, I can kill you with my brain.
2013-01-15, 10:03 PM #16
Go see a psych
2013-01-16, 1:46 AM #17
As already mentioned by lots of folk, seeking out specific online support seems like a good first step - there you should be able to find advice that fits your situation better, whether that is to seek professional support now or not. One thing I'd like to add, following what you've said about your work and the impossibility of coming out etc., is to try not to get ahead of yourself. Just asking for help here is a massive step (even if anonymous, and despite the peculiarities of the massassi community). You may find that being part of an online community that is able to speak more in-depth about gender is sufficient right now. By focussing on things such as how you would approach an actual period of transition in your work and external life, I think you could scare yourself away from even taking that first step. You may discover that you don't even want/need to come out at all, that simply having the space to explore your identity is enough. Or you may come to a place where leaving that work seems a reasonable/feasible option. Or something else entirely. Everyone I know who has gone through any form of social and/or physical transition took a LONG time between starting to explore these feelings and making any significant changes. So take your time and don't judge yourself for taking that time.

I was recently involved in the UK Trans Mental Health study, the largest of its kind in Europe (similar work has been done by the trans PULSE project in Canada, I don't know if there is anything in the US). If you think it might be helpful to see some of the statistics and quotes from individuals relating to their mental health before, during, and after transition, the study is here: http://www.scottishtrans.org/Uploads/Resources/trans_mh_study.pdf
<spe> maevie - proving dykes can't fly

<Dor> You're levelling up and gaining more polys!
2013-01-16, 2:24 AM #18
The only thing I can think of to suggest would be to fire up an irc client and find #xkcd, they're pretty filled with people with similar issues and kind ears.
error; function{getsig} returns 'null'
2013-01-16, 6:10 PM #19
(It's not me btw.)
2013-01-16, 7:16 PM #20
Thanks for posting, Vin.
2013-01-22, 9:45 PM #21
We're here to support you, ragna.
:master::master::master:
2013-01-22, 9:55 PM #22
Originally posted by Vin:
(It's not me btw.)


When did anyone say it was?
>>untie shoes
2013-01-22, 10:21 PM #23
OP: Is it a matter of sexual desires?
2013-01-23, 8:39 AM #24
It's pretty simple, unless you're genetically messed up and hermaphroditic. Don't think about your gender. What are your uglies, and which other uglies do you like to bump them with? Use the following chart if you're confused:


YOU OTHER SEXUAL ORIENTATION
--- ----- ------------------
Penis Vagina Straight
Penis Penis/ASS HelloooOoo, gay
Penis Both BiSEXual
Vagina Penis Straight
Vagina Vagina Interested in MFF threesome?
Vagina Both Interested in MFF threesome?


I am straight and have a horse-dick, sorry stat.
2013-01-23, 5:18 PM #25
ITT: Stat/Reid thinks it's funny (it's not), ragna doesn't understand the topic, Vin thinks being gay means he might be confused with someone struggling with gender identity, and Tibby gives bad advice.

Anyway, definitely heed Dormouse's advice. And take her up on her PM offer :P
2013-01-23, 6:34 PM #26
ragna, that is a remarkably poignant demonstration of how utterly clueless you are about the matter. Gender identity != gender expression != gender role != sex != sexual orientation != romantic orientation.

The world is much more complex than that.
Also, I can kill you with my brain.
2013-01-24, 12:02 AM #27
I feel bad for people like ragna because they are missing out on so many interesting people.

And some really hot ones too.
Epstein didn't kill himself.
2013-01-24, 1:28 PM #28
Yeah... I don't think I can say anything nice here.
2013-01-24, 2:00 PM #29
Originally posted by ragna:
Yeah... I don't think I can say anything nice here.


Don't worry ragna, Massassi expects nothing less than the worst from you.
2013-01-24, 2:43 PM #30
I'm feeling a lot of love in this room... Group hug?
You can't judge a book by it's file size

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