Mythos of Man: Book of Beginnings: Chapter 3
Adam and Eve hold hands as they survey Eden in their nakedness. The CensorGod swoops over, placing bushes and leaves in places just so none of the audience can see the good parts. The two humans stare in confusion as the random bushes and such move in inexplicable ways, shrug, and move on.
The two see a sign planted in the ground by a nearby fruit tree.
Eve: "What is it?"
Adam: "I believe it's a sign. I can't be sure, though, since I can't read."
The WriterGod appears, throwing his arms up in exacerbation.
WriterGod: "It says 'Don't eat from this tree'."
Adam: "Why not?"
WriterGod: "Why would you want to? There's plenty of other things to eat. I'll take care of any other trees not giving you fruit if you call me. Call for delivery, if you want. Just don't eat from the tree."
Adam: "Why?"
WriterGod: "Because you don't want what's from that tree."
Adam: "Why?"
WriterGod: "Because it's bad for you."
Adam: "Why?"
WriterGod: "Because the tree is mean like that."
Adam: "Why?"
WriterGod: "Because that's just how the tree is."
Adam: "Why?"
WriterGod: "Because some things are, and some things aren't."
Adam: "Why?"
WriterGod: "Because... because I said so. Just go back to living the good life already."
Before Adam could ask 'Why?' again, the WriterGod disappeared. Adam and Eve look at each other in confusion.
Eve: "I'll go ask the guy at the gate if he has any delivery suggestions. Whatever 'delivery' even is."
Eve leaves, while Adam stares at the forbidden tree. A snake slithers into view onto one of the branches.
Snake: "Hey, man. How're you?"
Adam: "I don't know. I want to know why I can't eat from this tree."
Snake: "This one I'm on? Maybe the branches are too high? Here."
The snake plucks one of the fruit from the tree with its tail and lowers it down to Adam's height.
Adam: "I mean that I was told I shouldn't eat from it. That it would be bad for me."
Snake: "By that WriterGod guy? Did he tell you that this was the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil?"
Adam pauses. He takes the apple from the snake.
Snake: "He probably really wants you to have it anyway. The WriterGod's always going on about free will, so he's probably just seeing if you'll do as your told or do as you want. Here--"
The snake tosses down a second and winks.
Snake: "--for your lady friend."
Just then, Eve comes back with a bunch of paper menus.
Eve: "It looks like we have mostly something called Chinese that delivers. They have pictures on them, at least."
Adam offers one of the fruit to Eve. Having been born yesterday, Eve doesn't think much of it.
Eve: "Thanks! This whole delivery thing might have taken a while anyway."
The two eat their fruit as they look at the menu. At one point, they look at each other with wide eyes.
Eve: "You're naked! You'll get your penis sunburned like that!"
Adam: "And you'll get chilly during the cold nights without something to wear!"
Eve: "Wow, we're dumb. We should make some clothes."
Adam: "Good idea. Good... I didn't realize what that was until just now."
Snake: "Clothes, huh? You humans are weird."
As Adam and Eve rummage through the bushes for leaves to wear, the WriterGod comes back.
WriterGod: "I came back because a writer isn't much good to those who can't read, so-- why are you two hiding in the bushes?"
Eve: "Because we're trying to make clothes!"
WriterGod: "You ate from the tree, didn't you?"
Adam: "What tree?"
WriterGod: "The tree I told you not to eat from."
Adam: "Oh right... I forgot."
Eve: "We ate from
that tree?"
WriterGod: "And now you're lying."
Adam: "Well I'm not very good at it yet! Why did you forbid us from eating from a tree that made us smart? How could we have possibly know not to eat from a tree when we didn't know what was good and bad?"
WriterGod: "Because I told you."
Adam: "And yet you're always telling us to use our free will, then you go telling us not to do something. That snake told me you were probably testing us."
Snake: "Hey! Don't throw me under the bus, man."
Adam: "Under what?"
WriterGod: "I now deem that all snakes must crawl on their bellies wherever they go."
Snake: "Dude, I already do that."
WriterGod: "...I now deem a new trope that all snakes are evil."
Snake: "Well screw you guys, then! I'm out of here."
WriterGod: "As for you two... you'll have to leave Eden now."
Adam and Eve: "What?!"
An angel begins to escort them out of the gates and away from Eden.
WriterGod: "You'll never be allowed to return, either. Life outside of Eden is a rough world too. You'll have to do a lot of backbreaking labor, and having kids is going to be a real pain."
Eve: "This isn't fair!"
Adam: "Punish me, if you must, but allow Eve to stay! She didn't know."
The WriterGod seems to consider with sadness.
WriterGod: "No, you must both go, for your own good."
Eve: "Good. I go where Adam goes."
Fury builds in Adam.
Adam: "You're not making any sense!"
WriterGod: "And the story-world you enter in now will only be more nonsensical. I will leave you two with one final gift... the gift of Potential."
At that moment, the WriterGod touches the two on their foreheads.
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Adam and Eve wake up, their heads filled with many conflicting thoughts.
Adam: "Were you and I just kicked out of Eden? Or are we but the first humans with self-awareness? Or am I a man once named Soriel? Or one of the other ten thousand other memories I have?"
Eve: "I don't know..."
She looks at Adam.
Eve: "...and I don't care. Our potentials before us are our own."
She waggles her eyebrows knowingly.
Adam: "We won't need clothes if we keep each other warm... and take turns blocking each other from the sun..."
He waggles his eyebrows knowingly.
She waggles.
He waggles.
They embrace and fall to the ground.
The snake watches from above, wearing sunglasses and with a camcorder beside him.
Snake: "Awww yiss."