First: if you're reading this and had a tough day, things will get better.

So now that my trapped soul has been given back a voice, a few thing:

1) If I ever hurt your feelings, I'm sorry about that. I can get really fired up about the topics I care deeply about (writing, legalization of marijuana -- btw, kudos, U.S.). Negativity rarely creates positivity, so I'll try to pace myself from now on. I hope that if anyone vehemently disagrees with something I say they take the same approach, but if not, I'll do my best to be polite either way.

2) If anyone here is a freelancer / self-employed ... how do you do it? How do you manage to keep the laziness at bay?

I've been freelance for about 3 years now since I'd quit Oracle (not counting a 3 month stint as a Customer Support agent when I was very disappointed with the experience of working full time as a narrative designer on a certain project before accidentally getting involved in one I actually believe in by pure chance [well, and going to a game dev conference on April 20 in Croatia with no intention of looking for jobs but with at least 12 games to my name by then because I became picky AF and realized I can't do this for money alone, interestingly that actually lead to an intriguing development]). My biggest issue is: laziness. I am 30 years old, and like Eminem, success is my only mother#*&$#ing option, failure's not. But this procrastination, this laziness, this lack of oversight is just killing me.

I *know* I am if not talented then at least skilled (I've co-written a novella with a Hugo-nominated SF writer the other month, one of my 2 favorite SF writers alive, actually), and I love what I do, I just ... I'm just lazy, really. And lack of oversight means I more or less do everything in the last minute because I gotta do it so I can feed myself and my family, but it's not enough.

If you've been in a similar situation, how did you deal with it? I was considering 2 hour "productivity sessions" but so far all I've been doing is failing to live up to my own (perhaps overly high) expectations. It's not that I want to be famous or rich (I do want to be able to afford a house with my future wife and be able to afford tution for my current and hopefully future children), I just want to make a better living doing what I do. I feel that I've been blessed with opportunity and a so-far very happy personal life not counting bouts of depression I occasionally have that are the direct outcome of my lack of action, but ... yeah. I guess this is just for myself, really. I know what I have to do (exercise, write every day, finish the most important and most ambitious personal project of my video game writing career I'd attempted so far -- and one that people gave me their trust and money for, even, and it's only 1/3rd done), win a contest, "backup" writing jobs (writing an interactive audio story for a running app, space opera, really interesting) ... except when I say "writing" what I'm doing is whining here atm, so I guess I better get back to it. So yeah. Any tips for those who've been running their own freelance businesses for a few years on how not to get too comfortable / organization, would be appreciated.

3) Anyone working on video games here? I believe we had somebody working for Gearbox; hope you weren't too affected by the Alien: Colonial Marines fiasco, there's just SO MANY THINGS that can go wrong at any time in this industry it's no wonder the engine programmers I'd met drink like it's the apocalypse and do hard drugs.

4) Anyone still editing anything here? In parallel to my 100 other projects (more like 3, but still), I'm working on opening a video game studio in the next few years, so am working / designing my own game. The idea: there's a dream game I want to make, but I've no resources or team (actually I do have 2 programmers I managed to seduce to work for rev-share, but I have a feeling I might have to program it myself, which is theoretically realistic), so I thought, I'd build a game smaller in scale (or, cheaper to produce would be more correct perhaps), and then wok my way up from there. I've more or less succeeded in everything I'd ever put my mind to (except in getting that one girl in high school to date me, lol), never to the point of a mega-breakthrough, but to a degree that was at least satisfactory. It's not because I'm so special or smart or anything, I just don't give up if I really believe in something, which I think is an essential quality for running a biz or being a writer because there will be people who will try to knock you down for whatever reason. Anyway. Would love to hear what people are up to these days.

5) Me, me, me, me, me. Guess I just wanted to share. Really gotta finish this coffee and start working on that audio SF drama yeee. Tis all good. I like this community because of the very talented people, most of which have left now, and some who apparently abandoned working on games / modding, and some simply kind & nice folks. Peace.

here's to wokking your way up, everybody

noice. i guess re: all these things, just put your mind to it, then

Oh yeah, for sure, it's just that it took me way too long up to this point.
I just gotta fix my work ethic.
Which I will. Thanks though. We'll see what happens.

if within 5 years you can play at least 1 game made by
-=Digital We'd=-
we'd have succeeded.

I plan each day the night before. That's pretty much it. That way I'm accountable to myself for getting as much done as I thought I could when I wasn't feeling so lazy.

Also helps not to have quite so much on the go at once.

Maybe you can combine Jon`C's technique with the following scoring system in order to keep yourself honest:

Thank you. I know it probably annoys people when this shows up a lot but I appreciate people wishing other people good days. It has fixed some really **** days that I've had in the last two years to have at least one person wish me a good day. I don't mind if it mildly annoys others if it provides that boost for someone.

Re: the first part, if you're claiming failure isn't an option then you've clearly got your motivation down pat. If you're lazy, then failure is an option. Part of the fix to that is to stop being lazy. The way to stop being lazy is to just do stuff, in my experience. That's not satisfying, but it's been what gets me by. Just sit down and do something, anything, productive. Just start writing, or coding, or sweeping, or running, or whatever you need to do.

Usually you want to do these things because you enjoy them in some capacity, and usually I quit doing something when I reach an annoying point and can't be assed to keep working that day. The hart part is knowing that to get started again, I have to get past that annoying point and then I can do the fun work again. Typically this is a "grit your teeth and get it over with" kind of situation, and then I recognize why I have fun doing what I do again.

Re: the second part, no one gives a single **** how good of a writer you think you are, or with whom you've co-written novellas. I don't care. No one else here cares. No one reading a book of yours really cares. What people care about is that you produce something that they find good. Any sort of awards or pats on the back that you have (or people you work with who were nominated but didn't win awards) don't validate anything about your ability to continue doing that good of work. Your next book will be good if you write a good book. It will not be good because your last book was good. You are not immune to doing not-good work just because something went well for you once; do not convince yourself otherwise.

Everybody has moments of laziness. You overcome it by being organized enough so that it doesn't take a massive effort to pick up the threads of where you were when you last ran out of steam. Getting organized is something you have to consciously commit to.

I suspect though that the problem isn't just laziness. As someone with the personality of an artist, you likely either suffer from delusions of grandeur (thinking your awards actually mean ****), or perfectionism (thinking nothing you have done is yet up to your standards completely). Both possibilities (arrogance and perfectionism, respectively) can lead to something that superficially resembles laziness, but instead is actually procrastination, which is closer to paralyzing anxiety than poor motivation.

If you really do lack motivation, then you are totally screwed, and all I can say is that you need to be harsher on your ability to consistently work harder and more systematically (see my first paragraph).



The other thing I can think of is that the best kind of environment to be in is a supportive but humbling one. If you see yourself as the smartest / most creative / whatever person in the room, then you are totally ****ed.

The other thing I can recommend is to talk things out. I have found that the act of speaking is incredibly therapeutic in helping me clarify my ideas and beliefs in sufficient detail that I can intuit just how much effort I ought to still dedicate to a beleaguered effort, or move past it.

tl;dr: surround yourself with great people. They also keep you in check.

If you have to be alone and play the artist, find positive channels for depression like playing a musical instrument or something, or draw stuff when you are in a weird mood. But def. being around people you aspire to be like beats isolation, for all the reasons I cited above. Esp. keep away from dependence on substances when you are alone.

Also if you are conflicted about having set your goals too high in life, well eventually you'll be forced to cut your losses and compromise, perhaps when enough time goes by to make it painfully apparent that your goals are out of sync with your accomplishments. You can try to turn this around as you see it happening, but that can fail too. At any rate compromises can often be temporary and can help you reinvigorate if they get you going in a productive way again.

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans." -John Lennon

Also, I would tell you to read biographies of cautionary tails of failed artist who never got off their asses, but they don't make biographies about average people.

As for tricks: I recommend making lists, and then picking from them on a whim. That takes the pressure off, and you can work on things in non-linear order, and remind yourself if your other goals while forcing yourself to pick one to focus on for the moment.

it's true

Perhaps, if you were obsessed enough with anime in high school to have learned Nikumubekese, you may decipher the wisdom enshrined upon this bag

[/URL]

(Or just go by the diagram)

decoder rin g

Also, if I point out that FGR is clearly not a failed artist do I risk turning this thread into a giant advert for TODOA?

[RARE HONEST NIKUMUPOST TIME] You know, the only way I could get the One True Nikumuproject realized is if I took a loan for 100,000-1 million dollaroos and, well, hired a bunch of other people to do it for me.

I actually looked into the matter in my bank and apparently I'd need to own a forest or something as a "guarantee" or whatever.[/RARITY OVER]

Back to crotch slinging it is! play toads

Isn't that what Hans Zimmer does?

Also George Lucas

tl;dr version:

Appreciate the support and the helpful advice. Thank you very much. I'm having a bit of a crisis. I'll deal with it. You have all been very helpful. I probably won't be around for a while because, well, I've ********tons of things to do.

long version:



Thank you. I will try that. I wrote down "do this every day" list a few times and I've a whiteboard in my "office" listing some priorities, but perhaps the actual act of writing things down every day can help me get my **** in gear.



I suppose it does. And with that, I'll make a few posts here, go eat a pizza / watch a movie and then write the 6k words I got to write today to meet a deadline. :/ But yes, you're absolutely correct. Even if there are tons of projects going on, focusing on only one at a time definitely makes sense.

[quote=Reverend Jones]Maybe you can combine Jon`C's technique with the following scoring system in order to keep yourself honest[/quote]

Hey, I was actually considering writing a screenplay for a fiction feature or a short about this guy one day. I don't think I will, but I might try to get more info on the guy anyway as he's had quite a life, apparently. Thanks for bringing him up, apparently there's a movie about his life already, too. Didn't know that.

What's keeping me honest is basically that I know if I don't do what I need getting done, I will feel dissatisfied with myself, sometimes bordering on depressed, which lasts between a few days and weeks, up to a month (of doing nothing), which is then followed by frantic action; I do everything that's due in a short amount of time.

That is neither healthy nor sustainable.

Forming habits is the way to go from everywhere I'd read; in fact, it appears to be the most sure route of stopping being disappointed with myself. We'll see how that goes.



Working on it. Yeah. Definitely. And then doing it regularly. You're absolutely right; also, Joe Rogan was saying about how "discomfort is your friend" on a podcast somewhere, so all what's left is for me to stop being lazy and do things, true enough.

Like I'd mentioned in the OP, my laziness is my enemy; it has been like that all my life, and it probably has something to do with my privileged upbringing / getting moderately successful at most things I'd tried without too much effort through sheer stubborness (hence, taking a long time usually).

You're absolutely right. If I do allow myself to continue being lazy, failure is realistically an option.

Which, to me, is unacceptable. It's like throwing away all the great opportunities (my mind, my body, material things) I've been given into a trash can.

And in case anyone's wondering, yes, I'm having a bit of a crisis. I told myself I'd change my ways from being a lazyboy when I turn 30, that was back in November, it's now the end of July. I'm still doing the same bs I always did.



I estimated I'd need at least $100k for a project I want to make as well, but I don't think it's unrealistic. AS LONG AS I'M NOT LAZY. And it will take a few years. Yeah.

I would highly discourage people from taking loans, however, especially if the said project is connected to the video game industry.

Forests are cool, though.

Everyone loves forests.

This kind of stuff isn't for everyone, but one of my hobbies is investigating productivity systems (so that I can not use any of them and continue to be worthless, which is actually fulfilling for me) so check out:

the classic - http://gettingthingsdone.com
a stripped down version all those minimalist *******s love - https://zenhabits.net/zen-to-done-ztd-the-ultimate-simple-productivity-system/
one designed by asians (I guess that makes it more effective) - http://www.asianefficiency.com
kanban based on agile - http://kanbanblog.com/explained/

some people do really well with overall organizing systems like that, some people only need smaller task techniques that are usually incorporated into the ones above like

the pomodoro technique - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique
that seinfeld chain thing - https://lifehacker.com/281626/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-secret

and some people just need a to do list, usually nightly like Jon was saying

the bigger organization systems are good for when you or working on a project managing other people.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, just remember, nothing you do matters and everything is pointless. I always find that perspective invigorating and exciting!

General advice: when you're stuck in a rut, it could help to go outside your comfort zone for a bit and try something new, meet new people, challenge yourself in at least one way you've always been stubborn about, etc, and you might see that the things you think are so hard are much simpler once you've seen life from a slightly different point of view.

I was going to quote Morty on that one similar thing he said that one time, but not only did it turn out to be much darker than I remembered, but it also ended with "come watch TV", which is probably a bad thing to recommend to someone who wants to be less lazy.

"You pass butter"

yeah welcome to the club pal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBRqu0YOH14

I think that video just makes people care less about the beliefs they've aquired for egotistical reasons.

Personally? I've never felt the need to give up egotistical sources of motivation in order to resolve existential dread (I made peace with that kind of philosophical stuff in my middle 20's, mostly by appeal to the anthropic principle, along with the very bizarre starting assumption that the universe existed at least once in the first place).

Just giving you more options to quote

Speaking of existential things to quote (and butter-passing robots aside), I still find this one somewhat mysterious:



Oddly enough, that thread seems relevant to this one. Koobie didn't participate, though.

strange loops are always mysterioussssss

How's that for the ad you wanted, Jones?

Also thanks to Spook for using the perfect words for this. It's like I almost want you to record your fart so I can make a JK mod out of it. I won't, tho'

I will record it but I need to save up enough cum in my ass to make it truly spectacular