Here is an account of what I shall call the Week of Nightmares:

Sat - begin taking antidepressants. Went out drinking a bit.
Insomnia.

Sun - Feel odd. Legs shaking. Dizzy. Feel hot. Feeling anger for no reason. Insomnia.

Mon - Mood going up and down. Still shaking. Now I feel cold. Rob comes over, a friend of someone who knew amanda, th girl I said we see each other again. But apparently, Rob advices I forget her. I get the point. Suddenly depression becomes paralysing.
Whilst doing dishes, I take sharp knife and cut into my left wrist.
Not very deep, no biggie. But I dont care.

Tues - Too sad to get up. Afraid to go out and see people. Get dragged out to sports convention. See Amanda's housemates.
Become euphoric for no reason when I leave, visit bar where my mates are. Dont drink. Run back to house, and discover that tablets make me run faster and longer.
Can anyone explain this?
Feel amazing. text amanda to see how she is. she texts back immeditiately, but I dont read it.

Wed - I feel great. I go climbing as soon as I wake up. Tablet makes me stronger and I climb better. Feel happy, ideal time to read text from amanda. read it, she is polite but basically doesnt give a crap about me. I get depressed. Go back home, have shower, take knife and cut deeply into wrists. I drink blood from wounds. Stay in self harming uncaring trance till I drift into sleep.

Thurs - Feel nothing. No side effects. Still wish I was rather dead.

Fri - Feel nothing. Headache. Still want to die.


yep, things arent going too well.
Comments? Any advice?

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Do you feel you have a purpose to live for? Any goals in life?

Yeah, that was a good question, make someone feel worse

Anyways, i'd just try and do something that you really enjoy with your time, all the time, something'll change quick and should be ok

you know you should probably be off anti depressents when....


im know absolutely nothing about that stuff but cant those things just make things even worse?

you know... being anti-depressants... i don't think they were MADE to make things worse... but... who knows! ever see milk go bad a week before the posted expiration date? lol

yea obviously they're not made that way but i know some of those kinda things have different effects on certain people...... for better or worse

Doctor. Now. Tell him/her everything you just told us. We all have your best interest at heart and while it's good that you can talk about it here, if you are having suicidal thoughts and engaging in self-harm you need to speak to a health care professional. Like right now.

If your current doctor isn't taking this seriously or being proactive enough, see someone else. I can't imagine that you want to stay like this, so please go and talk to a doctor. They can help you but only if they know what is going on.

Seek counselling fast, like tonight (I'm serious), and see your psychiatrist/doctor ASAP for a quick rework on your meds. Either the medication your on is too high a dosage or the medication isn't agreeing perfectly with your wiring (your head). Also, with all due respect, I would not suggest posting about such things on public internet forums. Your going through what is obviously a very rough time in your life, and most of what you just posted, most people here are going to have a very tough time relating too. I understand your cry for help, but when it comes to personal issues as serious as what's happening to you, you'll find real people you can actually talk to one on one are what will help the most.

Don't fear what is happening to you, accept it and realize over-time it will pass. Your current goal right now should be just to get somewhere where you feel safe. Stay with a friend or some relatives tonight, or if you get to the point where you feel like hurting yourself again, get to hospital.

If you need any further advice or want someone to talk to, my first and most obvious suggestion is talk to someone you trust an incredible amount about what's happening to you. If for some reason your unable to do this, I have no problem shooting off with you about what's going on. I've been, and am still going through similar experiences myself, so I have no trouble talking with you about anything. My screename on AIM is cddxtreme, feel free to contact me anytime. I'll stay on as long as I can tonight,

That's one of the things your doctor should have warned you about. Go see him/her IMMEDIATELY. Rollercoaster emotions like that are a side-effect, if I'm not mistaken. GO SEE THE DOCTOR RIGHT NOW.

Been there done that.. I went through enough relationship problems.. I've learned.. Once your out of one, and things hurt.. S**T happens.. Move on and live life.. Make it better then the last time.. I am a charming guy.. I got out of this bs episode over a month ago.. clan.. me and you buddy.. We went through the same stick! If she hurt you, leave it be.. Move on and find life elsewhere.. I mean, dont live the same routines.. Just make new ones, and change your worest side of your own humanity..

Only difference is I am not on anti-depressiants.. I was on insomia sleeping pills roughly.. 5 months ago, now I just sleep no matter what.. Show me a bed and I am out like a lamp! ummm.. Go out, meet new people (Work usually is a good place to start!) and that shall help! It did for me!

I'm not positive, but aren't you not supposed to drink while on most anti-depressants?

dude i feel sorry for you. my advice: see a doctor or do something.


but yeah, why do they make him run faster and feel stronger.

i say you realease some anger and take some pills go to the gym and workout intensively, to realease anger and get fit.

Quit drinking while you're on em. Alcohol is a depressent, and mixing that with anti-depressents or mAOI inhibitors is not good.

Also, if you're comfortable, I'm curious to know what your 'script is for exactly.

Please see a doctor. Now. Before anything else happens that you might regret. No one here has the knowledge to help you, but we all want to see you feeling better and none of us want to see you hurt in anyway. You know that's not healthy, you must or else you wouldn't be posting here, which also indicates that you want help (especially since your exact words included "help" :)), but none of us are qualified or know nearly enough to help you out with this stuff. Please, don't drink anymore alcohol, and see a doctor as soon as posisble.

Sounds like some extreme mania or reaction to the drugs.....mixing with alcohol as mentioned previously is just such a big no. So yeah, you really need to seek professional advice for anything more detailed, no-one here is remotely informed enough to offer any truly indepth advice....even me after dealing with bipolar myself and in my family and counselled people with mental illness. Support, though, that we can do

I don't pretend to be a doctor but I know when my doctor put me on anti depressents he ordered no booze of any kind... its dangerous to drink and take medication.

Man hope you see the light and pull out of that state your in. you depressed me man but stay positive.

Mikus still lurves you Aaron.

Go see a doctor, please. Don't put it off, do it today.

Again with the doctor.

Please.

Aint it fun when your life drives you to the point of complete insanity? I can definately relate to that.

i think anti-depressants take about 3 weeks to start kicking in properly anyway.

the only advice i can give is to stop focusing and brewing over the same thoughts constantly running through your mind, try and distract yourself and cut out the self harm, it may feel like you're getting some satisfaction from the pain, but its just a waste... this is just one time in your life, things wont always be this way, dont let bad times get you down so much.

and although i've tried to be as general as possible so far, if this is all just about that amanda lassie, and this may seem like cliched advice, but dont take it to heart too much, theres plenty more fish in the sea is a very true statement.... if she aint interested in you then it wasnt bound to last.... go find someone worthy of your time.

that is all... sorry if i seemed a bit blunt and harsh, but it seems like a difficult spot your in, so maybe if i can put some thoughts into your head about various issues, it could help towards rigging everything better.


[edit]after reading some other posts about a doctor, although i'm not saying do not do it... it just seems like a strange idea to me to put YOUR mentality into the hands of someone else.[/edit]

True (as has been said in this thread before my post).

It's supposed to be rare, but for an alarming number of people some types of anti-depressants generate suicidal tendencies, from mild to severe. There have been lawsuits over this by families of suicide committers. This issue definitely needs more public attention, but the big drug companies have a lot of money to shell on protecting their image.

Hang in there and, like everyone's saying, get in contact with the professionals.

Your depression is irrational. I hope you're cogniscent of this. This means that since it is chemical, you can overcome it. The drinking is not a good idea and you should not screw around with your medication. Don't expect the stuff to work all at once, and don't abuse it. Notice what that's been leading you to do. I see the fact that you posted this chain of events as a self-acknowledged cry for help as meaning that you're aware that what you're doing is obviously harmful and that while you may not be feeling wrong about harming yourself anymore, you should not continue doing so.

And keep in mind that you are not alone, and I'm sure that you have the support of a great many of us here at Massassi.

1. Go see a doctor, quick.

2. Do not ever drink alcohol while taking anti-depressants. If your doctor didn't tell you this, get a new doctor.

Some anti-depressants actually worsen depression for some people, but since you just started on it, I would assume it's the (I assume) heavy drinking. You're not supposed to mix alcohol and depression like, at all. You should go to the hospital now. You'll be in a place where you'll be taken care of until you can get counseling or just see a doctor.

go to a doctor this is our advice.

Go kill something. That will make you feel LOADS better.
Plus it's fun. Let's see. Just remember that you have some weird chemicals in your head. Ignore them. Unless you can think of a logical reason to bump your self off don't do it. After that, go easy yon the forums for a bit. They can make you depressed. Or, if none of the above works, go join the Marines. Trust me, they will put you straight. My Dad joined the joined the Marines before he got married, and boy did they fix him up. Seriously, you should do it. It will give your life lots and lots of meaning. If you have a goal to like, make it though boot camp, you’ll be suppressed how much better you’ll feel. Of course, to really, truly be happy you’ll need to come to Christ.

Let's reviews the nos when speaking to suicidal people who are going through an extremely hard time in their lives:

1) "Go kill something"
2) "Ignore all impulses of 'wrongness' you may have"
3) "You can only be truly happy through accepting Christ into your life"

No matter how true you may think the 3rd one is, others just may not see it that way, and the time of a major crisis like this is more of a time for him to get himSELF together, not a time to be switching religions.

Don't drink alcohol.

Assuming 0 is a baseline of normal, moderately happy person.

Depressant + depression + anti-depressant < 0

fixed

clan damn man your the best looking kid on here you need to chill out or somehtign cuz there is no reason for you to be acting like that... seriously man your taleneted and you seem like a great person... realize who you are and how irrational you are acting...

Damn, Obi. WTF is wrong with you?

I'm no expert on depression, but it seemed like oyu were doing great until you heard from this Amanda chick. It seems to me like she is the source of the problem.

Page, I suggest not to say stuff like that if you don't know who Amanda is.

Basically, what everyone else said: Visit a doctor. Also, try to be on MSN a bit more, just to give you a form of destraction from all the **** that's going on.

[Let's not insult people and call them ugly names, ok? Now you have some time out.]

Msn saved my life many times, good distraction. Go on msn

alright then, who is she?

It might sound stupid but it works... trust me MSN, IRC, ICQ... basically talking with people... I'm sure if you came into #massassi you'ed fine someone anytime a day to talk to... expecially if your feeling down.