This is not a personal problem. I view myself as the most awesome, kick-assest dude in the universe, but a close friend of mine suffers from extremely low self-esteem and it causes her (Yes, it's a girl surprised?) a lot of grief and hardship. What can I do to help? (And she's actually good looking and smart and kind and all that stuff, unlike most people these days.)

Well, I don't know her exact situation, but I have crappy self-esteem myself, and the thing I think would most help me would be having friends who want to do stuff with me. I never get invited to go places or do anything...

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All the prism in the world couldn't make hue.

"And she's actually good looking and smart and kind and all that stuff"

Tell her that...

There's only so much you can physically do, there will come a point will she will have to get out of it herself - without other people

OMG A GIRL LOLOLOLOLOL

but seriously, just show her that she is really a good person and that she means alot to other people and that she can do anything she wants to do

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*landfish 'splodes*
7 of 14

Telling her would do wonders. Just be like "You look fantastic today!", be sure not to make them in a like "ohh... sex" way though, unless that's another goal you have.

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free mp3 ~Jump - Young America

new album comes out April 20th

What does she have low self-esteem about? ANYthing? Or just things like looks, or smarts, or whatever else?


I dunno..

When you have the opportunity just make little comments to make her feel good or something. Like for example say for some reason she says she "likes how this other girls hair was that day" say you like hers better.


Just small comments about anything, even the dumbest thing can make a person feel good about themselves..

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I'm like a superhero with no powers or motivation.

See, the problem is I try all that and I get stuff like
"Oh yeah, name one thing I'm good at"
"Drawing"
"All my drawings suck"

or

"You look good today"
"Oh yeah? Says who"
"Well I think you look good"
"Well you're the only one."

I dunno if you're like this or if shes the type of girl you can be more friendly or whatever with, but try just calling her a hotty and stuff or something everytime she says shes not.

"You look good today"
"Oh yeah? Says who"
"Well I think you look good"
"Well you're the only one."

No I'm not, you're a hotty/cutey/whatever else! (include the smile!)

Eventually its bound to make her feel a little better.. Or if you're out some place tell her "that guy just checked you out" and stuff


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"So tell me why should we stay.. A prisoner of today.."

[This message has been edited by LightStaff (edited April 06, 2004).]

Then bark at her.

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When bread becomes toast, it can never go back to being bread again.

Maybe she doesn't know how to be prideful... show her how it works!

"You look good today!"
"Says who?"
"I do."
"Well you're the only one."
"Oh yeah, the only one that counts, baby!"



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Do you have stairs in your house?

Then go grab some stranger, put a gun discreetly to his back and tell him to play along, and bring him along and make him tell her she looks fantastic.

"Doesn't <girl's name> look fantastic? Doesn't she? DOESN'T SHE??"
"Y-y-y-yes! You look f-f-f-f-fan-fantastic! Don't hurt me.."


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MadQuack on Military school: Pro's: I get to shoot a gun. Con's: Everything else.
"I'm going to beat you until the laws of physics are violated!!" ! Maeve's Warcry

RIP -MaDaVentor-. You will be missed.

She needs to get laid.

Why dont you help her then, Hurricane?

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In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03

Ubuu, much love. haha

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free mp3 ~Jump - Young America

new album comes out April 20th

Yeah, hook her up.

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The Massassi-Map
There is no spoon.

That might hurt a little bit

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

I would, but I don't wanna stir your porridge. Ha..ha...ha.

A lot of guys dont realize that girls react to depression and sadness much differently than guys do. Guys tend to distract themselves with hobbies and other things when they are feeling down, while girls tend to dwell on their depression. Girls need to hit rock bottom before they can start improving; trying to explain to them how irrational they are being and why they shouldnt feel depressed will only make them feel worse and prolong the process. The best thing that you can do is to just be there for her as she goes through this process, listen to her, and tell her that you understand what she is going through (even if you dont). This will make her feel alot better... Sometimes girls need a good cry now and then, and they usually feel a lot better afterwards.

I also agree with what other people have said; see to it that she gets included in activities with you and your friends. Call her up, ask her if she wants to hang out, go to the movies or something.

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And everything under the sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon...
DSettahr's Homepage | Cantina Cloud | Rally NY

[This message has been edited by DSettahr (edited April 07, 2004).]

Give her attention if she doesn't already have it.

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Eat the pudding.

Give her a kiss and a cuddle.
Tell her she's wonderful.

If it were me, i'd draw attention to my own particular crap life in comparison to hers (most have better lives), and say something to make her laugh. Friend or lover, it doesnt matter

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

I already have a girlfriend so... I can't exactly do a lot of the stuff you folks are suggesting

God, people here can be real idiots...

Honestly, I'm not so sure there's a whole lot you can do for her, unfortunately. The problem with low self esteem is that she's going to TRY and pick out something wrong with herself, no matter what you say. I know how that feels, and I'm sure most everybody here does (admit it, we've all had times like that. maybe they didn't last as long, but every human being has felt that way at one point.)
Most of the suggestions given have been good ones, and I'd follow through with them and hope for the best, but chances are they're not going to help a whole lot. Maybe she just wants the attention (because that's exactly how I get when I'm feeling attention-deprived... ) and if that's the case, she probably needs it. Spend a lot of time with her - make her feel accepted, like people want to be around her. I think that's probably about all you can do... :\

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Do you have stairs in your house?

I would, but frankly I can't because I have an excellent life, really. I've got a girl and lots of friends, good family, good marks... Anything else that I can do to help a friend besides having sex with her (Real mature guys )

[This message has been edited by DrakenX (edited April 07, 2004).]

Go out with her to occasions where alcohol flows

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"Music is the universal language and the
dialect we speak in is Hip Hop!" - King Solomon

(oops, double post)
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Men and their wars!... I think that men raise flags when they can't get anything else up!
~from Pippin

[This message has been edited by sugarless5 (edited April 07, 2004).]

(that'll will probably make her laugh too)



just pointing out some of what I tihnk is excellent advice

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Men and their wars!... I think that men raise flags when they can't get anything else up!
~from Pippin

so what if she has problems? you have problems of your own, everyone does. It's her life, let her deal with it just like you have to deal with your own. HMany chicks are usually morbidly insecure-- it's how they are. There's nothing you could do about it really, so just leave it alone. It's not like giving sympathy makes any real problems go away.

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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited April 07, 2004).]

Some of us have concerns outside ourselves.

I realize that, but i've found it to be more effective when you teach people how to solve their own problems instead of just giving them an ego boost. (which ultimately doesn't help them in the long run).



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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

You know how a lot of people solve their own problems? Suicide. Good work Captain Tact.

That was very inconsiderate of you to say Pagewizard. If he has an excelent life, then why not help other people get what he has?

You have a girlfriend, so theres not much you can do, except the little things. Which were previously mentioned.

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"Bantha's are filthy animals.......I don't eat filthy animals."

"Laugh it up Fuzzball!"
-Han Solo

Well, you have to want to be helped for the help to actually help

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"Music is the universal language and the
dialect we speak in is Hip Hop!" - King Solomon

Of course. Except why give it to them when you can help them more in the long run by teaching them how to do it for themselves? You should encourage them at first of course, but gradually people should learn how to become self-sufficient.

I am very seldfom plagued by problems because I've learned how to tackle each objective and find solutions on my own rather than depending on other people for support. Surely you would agree that that is a better way.

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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited April 07, 2004).]

. . . emotional problems don't work like that. You, of all people, show know this, being the smart, attractive, friendly, and all around great guy that you so much claim to be.

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Do you have stairs in your house?

[This message has been edited by Correction (edited April 07, 2004).]

most people are plagued with multiple problems/obstacles in their lives, whether or not they are self-sufficient

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Men and their wars!... I think that men raise flags when they can't get anything else up!
~from Pippin

then by all means explain.

I used to be plagued with it myself years and years ago, but then everything changed and I became who I am now. If you take to mind what I've been telling you, then none of these problems will ever be able to touch you again.



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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Because, like I said, she may just feel attention-deprived, and if that's the case, she IS trying to solve it herself... by drawing attention to herself.

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Do you have stairs in your house?

to solve these self-esteem problems, drawing attention to yourself is a temporary solution at best. Ultimately it does nothing to help you, and you come to rely on the attention that other people give you to feel good about yourself. Without it, you feel like oyu have no purpose.

The only permanent solution is to completely rebuild your personality from the ground up like i did. I threw aside everything that I used to be, and i isolated the traits that I wanted to master. I then worked at improving myself for three long years, and gradually, I became what I always wanted to be. It's not an easy process, but it can be done if someone is willing to put aside everything that they know and are willing to change how they think and view life.


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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited April 07, 2004).]

I think he just wants his friend to feel better about herself, not become a totally different person. we're kind of talking 2 different things here

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Men and their wars!... I think that men raise flags when they can't get anything else up!
~from Pippin