haha <3 that's a great quote. In the movie when he's under hypnosis, and he blurts out hungry hungry hippos...haha oh that was classic, I burst into laughter

Laura:D

Eric: Mom, maybe you should stop worrying about everyone else so much and start thinking about yourself. Maybe you should find something to enrich your life. Oh, may I suggest the teachings of the Jedi?
Red: May I suggest the footing of your a**?
Eric: This is not the a** you are looking for
Red: *stare*
Eric: See, now you don't know what to do

Jackie: Steven, you cannot go to your first day at your dad's company dressed like that. You're working there, not digging a ditch to there.

Stewie tries to watch TV as Lois is teaching some kid how to play piano.
*piano playing*
*Lois goes upstairs*
*loud ***-beating noises ensue*
Lois: I got the mus... OH MY GOD! Jimmy what happened?!
Stewie: Yes Jimmy.. what happened?
Jimmy: Ugh... I fell..

Bert:
[Gets out of bed and gets dressed]
Ernie: Bert, I wish you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
Bert: Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat cookies in the DAMN BED!
Ernie: Bert, you're shouting again, Bert.

How have I never seen that? Oh well, I can visualize it quite well.

Giggity gigitty gig!

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through

Episode 7x05 - It's Only Rock and Roll

my sig:D

I'll continue the Quagmire trend.

When he discovers a cheerleader left bound and gagged by Stewie....

"Dear Diary.......jackpot."

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

Quagmire tries to hit on some women at a lesbian bar
Glen Quagmire: Hey, any of you ladies been penetrated?

showing his crotch to Peter
Glen Quagmire: Does this look like a Q to you?

Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg Griffin: No.
Glen Quagmire: Turns to Chris Hey Chris, how's it going?

Glen Quagmire: Tuesdays in the '80s I was always in bed by 8... and home by 11.

Glen Quagmire: Don't look at me like that. Fat chicks need love too... but they got to pay.

Meg walks in on Quagmire with a hooker
Glen Quagmire: Hey, Meg, you just bought me another three minutes. Giggidy giggidy giggidy.

Peter Griffin: I'm going to microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Glen Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge.

Peter Griffin: What's Lois doing with Ross Fishman?
Glen Quagmire: Is it possible she's a whore? You know, like on weekends to pay for her mom's dialysis... as in my fantasy.
pause
Glen Quagmire: You know what, let's start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire.

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Glen Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Glen Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Glen Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Quagmire: Hello there, cutie. How old are you?
Girl: Sixteen.
Quagmire: Eighteen? You're first.
Girl: MOM.
Quagmire: I like where this is going.

UPS Woman: I've got a package for Glen Quagmire.
Quagmire: I'll be right back
Closes door, then returns a moment later, naked
Quagmire: And I've got a package for you too! Oh!
she maces him
Quagmire: Nice try, but I've built up an immunity.

Quagmire: Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. Where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I.
Cleveland: Quagmire, you forgot to say "Oh".
Quagmire: Really? I could've sworn... just to be on the safe side, "OH."

Brian: You recently returned from the Philippines. Where you made love to two Filipino women. And a man.
Quagmire: You mean THREE Filipino women.
pauses
Quagmire: Ahhhhhhh.

Glen Quagmire: to feminist woman The plight of women in this hemisphere is deplorable.
Glen Quagmire: to woman who likes strong men I can bench press 800 pounds.
Glen Quagmire: to woman who loves jazz music You, me and Coltrane till dawn, baby. Giggedy, giggedy, giggedy, giggedy!

hitting on a girl waiting in line for a roller coaster
Glen Quagmire: Hello there. You must be *this* beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

Glen Quagmire: Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side.
Woman (in deep voice): Sure.
Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off. Wait a minute... pre-op or post-op?
Woman: Pre-op.
Glen Quagmire: Whoa. Transvestite, back off.

Glen Quagmire: Hey Peter, you can't drink that outside. You're gonna end up in jail. And not the good jail you see on Cinemax. The man jail

Glen Quagmire: HEY GET THE HELL OFF MY... well hello lips, legs, breasts, and ***.

Quagmire: walks between two women sorry, I didnt mean to come between you... or did I?

Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
Brian: What the hell are you talking about?

You know like in the movies just as the good guy is about to kill the bad guy, he cocks his gun. Now why didn't he have it cocked? Because that sound is scary. - Phone Booth

But let's not get a good thread down:

Lois: Peter, you're scaring me.
Peter: Good, Lois. Embrace the fear! Dance with me, Lois! Dance the dance of life! *dances around room, breaks every piece of furniture Chris Farley style and gets concussion*

all quotes are welcomed. that's hilarious though I saw that episode again the other night.

everyone has great quotes .the thread doesnt need to be strictly family guy, but all those quotes are great. hehe that show is great. lol I <3 family guy

Laura

"I have killed mothers and their babies..." and all those good undead assassin speeches.