I do, and it ****ing sucks ***. I want to do things and talk to people, but my fear is holding me back totally. It's really hard to keep it under control; one might say I'm paranoid to an extent. I'm always afraid people are watching me and judging me, and as irrational as it may sound, I can never relax in situations in which I don't know the people very well. I also fear it may be slowly eating away my beautiful relationship with my girlfriend. I don't know how much more she can take. This isn't how I want to be.

Does anyone feel this way, even a little bit?

A lot of times if I am on a bus and I hear people snickering or laughing at someone I automatically assume it's me. It's silly, but I just get paranoid. Also In school I always used to look around to see if someone is looking at me. Around sometime last year I basically decided I don't care what other people think, they are just being jerks, and I'm going to act and do as I please. Now I don't care who laughs or whos looking at me.

I dont.. but if I happen to see someone looking at me I stare untill they look away first... if not a fight may break out.. but usually just a node of the head makes things cool.

Yeah, I'm sorta a nut case like that, but other times it's like I have ADD.

I used to have that problem, but I grew out of it

Well I hope I do.

When I was younger, not anymore.

I just kinda grew out of it.

I'm not a total wuss, so no.

I am a total wuss, so yes.

But then again, I change my personality depending on who I'm with. And get hyper on sugar, which complicates things.

Yes, I often feel that way. However, that will have to come to an end quickly as I start college in about a week, and I'm staying in the dorms. I imagine I'll be getting quite used to people in short order.

I think it's all part of modern growing up. In high school there's this dreadful social hierarchy, but once you're free of that and manage to mature into your own identity it won't be an issue at all.

I used to be. But then I realized one very important thing. Now, it's very profound, so I'm going to give you a moment to brace yourself.



Most profound statement of the century
-----> **** 'em. <-----

I used to be exrtemely shy in social situations with people I didn't know, but I got over it through experience. You do it once and it sucks, but it gts a little better each time.

Sometimes my dignity takes control, and I kind of shy away from people. But I have a fail-safe! The dignity/shyness keeps building and building until it's very bad, and once it's at that level, it just dies. Overloads, you might say.

However, it's not so great, because with my dignity temporarily dead I'm liable to say or do something thoughtless, stupid, or dangerous to my health (and not caring about it at all). My dignity only dies out for a few minutes, though, so I'm soon back to my normal dignified self, and the process starts all over, slowly.

Kind of like how throwing up relieves the nausea that's been building in your stomach since you ate some of Grandma Agnes's Jell-o mold.

I grew out of it too, I was once shy, but now I can make a friend in 5 minutes. It was a very gradual move though it didn't happen overnight.

I have two words to solve all of your problems: Social Drinking.

Drinking only seems to make me more inhibited. It's like, it takes my shyness and magnifies it by about 10.

Then you're not drinking enough. :p

I used to be that way cause I used to be chunky. Then I started working out and running and now I have complete self confidence. I talk to everyone.

Yeah, it doesn't happen so much for me anymore.

Delphian, you should do several things to solve your problem (they've worked for me.)

1. Wave at the drivers of passing cars. Beware that you may not always get a positive response or gesture.

2. Make light conversation with children sticking their heads out of schoolbus windows. The kids will usually shy away and retreat further into the bus. This is the response you want.

3. Make light conversation with the waiters at restaurants. This one is easy because they always start the conversation with a question related to food, which is something that everybody likes.

It may seem like a cheap attempt at humour, but actually do these things. I'm serious, they really work, at least for me. Perhaps for you as well.

I'm very sorry to hear this Delphian.

Feel free to PM me sometime and describe a specific situation, I'm sure I can relate to you, if you really are undergoing social anxiety.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is a very complicated neurological disorder, often described as High-Functioning Autism. Either way, I have suffered from depression in the past and am a very anxious individual who can have a hard time fitting in with other people. I don't read facial expressions very well, finding it hard to understand how other people are feeling - I lack empathy at many times. I also feel varying degrees of paranoia and can easily obsess over things which other people aren't at all bothered by.

But I've improved greatly, although I still struggle with his, and most likely will to some extent for the rest of my life. I have a very understanding and loving family, take medication to help my mood-swings and temperament, and also go to a see a Pastoral Counselor once every two weeks. Although I feel uncomfortable in crowds of people, I am now capable of enjoying myself with a small group of close friends or one person.

Again, I understand the pressure on you to fit in, and please, feel free to talk with me about it privately sometime!

It's all about stealing the spotlights.

That's exactly how celebrities keep their composure during premieres.

The one solution to your problem:

Quit bein' a pussy.

Now is this shyness, or social anxiety? I think many Massassians, through no fault of their own, are confusing the two and oversymplyfying the situation. There is a BIG difference between shyness and social anxiety, the latter being a clinical disorder. Many people here are talking about simply "growing out of it" - if this is as serious as I think, it is not that simple. Although you can alleviate the situation, and learn techniques to help you deal with it, I don't think it's as easy as snapping your fingers, and waking up one morning felling all better. This will be something you will have to work at constantly if it is serious, and may never completely go away. As I said above, medication might be a good option to help you with this, but this is only a possible suggestion. I probably don't know enough to say much more at the moment, but I'd like to better understand the problem in hopes of helping.

I no longer know who to agree with, but if Delph actually suffers from true social anxiety, it's not fair to call him a pussy.

Aggreed, that was totally uncalled for on -Monoxide-'s part. :-/

I did, but then I realized that deep down I hated and despised all humans. I haven't noticed any problem since then.

Monoxide is the tough dude! Wra!

As for social anx, nah. No problems. Except sometimes when performing or talking to a huuuuuuuuge crowd.

Are you being serious? I really can't tell...but if you are...your crazy. Literally insane. What kind of advice is this? It's the weirdest frickin advice I've ever seen. Make conversation with little kids in an attempt to get them to shy away before you do? What the hell is that going to accomplish? Make you feel socially superior to little kids? Waving at people?? WTF?? If you want to beat anxiety, you have to make friends with real people, not stupid things like this. As for me, I get the symptoms you said, such as on the bus I alwayd think people may be judging me or whatever, and in conversations Im always overly aware of what im saying and what others are saying. But this hasnt stopped me from having tons of friends and whatnot...it mainly bothers me with strangers. And when I get drunk it completely loosens me up...

meh. I just sit there with my laptop at the Y, and they come to me. Actually, they kinda get on my nerves, especially when they ask



my GOD!

of COURSE not you MORON! what does it LOOK like??

[QUOTE=Kieran Horn] Most profound statement of the century
-----> **** 'em. <-----[/QUOTE]My thoughts exactly.

I think I may have it, but I'm not 100% sure. I can be extremely social, outgoing, fun, etc with people I know, or that way toward strangers as long as I'm with people I know. However, if I'm totally alone with strangers, then I totally shut down and really struggle to make even simple conversation. The problem is about 100 times worse with girls, which is the main reason why I haven't ever had a girlfriend. I also am scared to death of public speaking, although I think I am getting slightly better at that.


I do that too.


So I don't really know. I don't think I have it too severe if I have it, because I do have a lot of friends and my life isn't falling apart or anything, but I still struggle to make new friends or even make small-talk with strangers, so I might have a mild case of it.

No, I think what I have is full blown anxiety, not just simple shyness. Sorry, I confuse the two often, and I know there is a massive difference.

I've conlcuded that the core of my anxiety is merely a lack of experience. Naturally, I'm not a shy, mean, or shady person, I'm extremely wild and free around my family and people I know quite well. But it's that feeling of discomfort around people I'm not too aquainted with that makes me tense up and nervous. I just can't seem to be myself, as much as I want to, and it's embarrasing.

To many, if not most, extrovert people, my anxiety probably sounds like a selfish excuse to be a lazy, wimpy "pussy", as -Monoxide- so kindly stated. Well let me tell you something. You think people like me actually want to be this way, always afraid of just going someplace to socialize, or even take out the trash? I hate that part of me so much. I don't want it to be there. I wish it could just vanish in an instant. Well, I've tried just not givin a damn about anything, just letting loose all my cares, and that didn't work; I ended up saying and doing things I regret deeply. Forced uninhibition doesn't work for me. It needs to be gradual, but I don't know where to start.

That was rude -Monoxide-, but I have stronger feelings than those that would be devastated by such an insult. Seriously, try to be a little more sensitive?

Daft, I have heard of Asperger's, and I'm sorry you have it. Personally, I can't really equate the severity of my anxiety to most symptoms of Asperger's. I can only imagine what you've been through, and I respect you for that.

3 words for you...



Get.


Over.


It.

How about you, Macro, stop trolling.


Anyway, going first in presentations and public speaking seems to help social anxiety. (atleast for me) It helps attack the anxiety head on, imo. Waiting for other people to speak and present seems to only add to the anxiety.

will do, Echo

No seriously, leave these boards. I think we've all had enough of your childish trolling. Ya know, it's always the same when little kids come to these boards, they act like little idiots and everyone starts to hate them...Maybe that's a sign? Come back in a few years when you know a little more about life.

Nope.
I don't care what people think of me. I'll start talking to a stranger like I would a best friend. I'm not an outgoing person by far, but I am not a person who hides in the shadows either. Put me in a conversation or a group of people and I'll be the life of moment.. or not at all. Really depends on my mood. I don't seek attention or to make friends as often as I could, but if I want to I won't hold back the least bit.

Macro, you have no idea how much I wish I could just get over it. But obviously it's beyond your comprehension that certain obstacles in life take more effort to overcome than snapping your fingers and wishing them gone.

Anywho, the point of this thread, at least I thought, was not to have a pity-party for me, but for other people with social anxiety to share their thoughts and maybe give some insight on how to, er, well..."get over it".