Delph, I've been dealing with SA since I was around Sixteen (I'm 21 now) and I can honestly say that It will get better with time and experience.
It used to be unbearable for me to even leave the house for a time in my youth(not only because of the SA I was going through but a series of traumatic events that happened to me all at the same time.) but of course with time I managed to get out more gradually and I began to become more comfortable in an outside environment. I am at the point right now where I am letting myself feel comfortable enough around people to where I can actually have an intelligent conversion with them rather then the usual awkward small talk followed by me feeling like I've only succeeded in making an *** of myself.

It's pretty precise and frickin' mature of you to arrive at that conclusion while your still experiencing strong feelings of SA, so I'd like to commend you on that, when I first developed my SA disorder I thought I was the lone person on the planet who felt as I did and just wanted to die (melodramatic, yes[i/] but I was Sixteen at the time and I didn't know any better :P)

Anyway I hope that helped at all, cheers to you Delph and to anyone else who is going through SA right now, I can almost certainly promise you that it will get better with experience and time.

I have some social anxiety. Mostly due to the fact that I just don't like interacting with people if I don't have to because I'm usually in my own world and people have trouble keeping up with my thought track. I just prefer to stay away from them and this in turn has caused me to go into slight social anxiety.

The relieving thing though is I can supress it if need be. Theres been a few times when people have started talking to me and I can have a conversation, especially when it's about a topic I'm familiar with. In general though, the anxiety is a bad side effect of not wanting to be around the people here.

when i had short hair and awful spots when I was 19-20 (very ugly back then) I was too scared to go out. I didnt have a social life or meet people until I was 19, so it was very difficult to start at such a late age.

Due to my life braking down after my first "gf" aka evil b**** from the an*s of hell I was a very angry and paranoid person at the age of 19. To me, 99% of other guys were sex obsessed football obsessed un intelligent jocks, and 99% of women were boozed up slags who only had interest in the afore mentioned jocks.

I found solace in computer games, and dreamless sleep where I couldnt feel pain.

Even when i found a new woman, she messed around and me feel worse.

But over time, very gradually, I became better at social events.

By september 2004 I could go out and enjoy myself, but was still self concious of my looks and that I wasnt butch enough like other guys who I hated for no good reason.

As months flew by, women started to act interested, even really beautiful ones, gave me attention without all the complications of a reltionship (which is what I need) and as I felt better about myself, I became more easy going and friendly, and quickly everyone, whether females or males attracted to me physically or not, invited me places and wanted to hang out with me, I had crossed the barrier from social anxiety to being popular, and it was much better.


....

But dont get me wrong, to this day, if i had the choice between going out to a bar with loud obnoxious slaygs and jocks (yes I still see them taht way I just look DOWN on them now lol) and getting drunk and happy, or staying in with a cup of tee, some chocolate, and some stargate SG1 DVDs and modding and computer games, 90%, I'd rather stay in.

ANd I hope many of you are akin to me in this.

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Social anxiety, depression and other mental disorders are best treated by someone who knows what they're talking about. Counseling/talk therapy helps a *lot* with depression and social anxiety, I know first hand. Medications, antidepressants can also help you get through tough times. No, you don't have to be on them your whole life and no, they do not "make you happy". SSRIs can be used to treat a lot of mental disorders. Depression, anxiety, social anxiety, etc. I know from first AND second hand that they help A LOT. For patients with depression, antidepressants are usually taken for 6 months to a year after everything seems to be "cured". Hopping on and off reduces their effectiveness, and each depressive episode can be worse than the last. This also probably applies to social anxiety. Which reminds me, your symptoms are also that of depression. Really the most effective thing is to see a psychiatrist who can accurately diagnose you. Even your primary doctor will prescribe mediciations for mild symptoms, but in your case it's really best to see a specialist I think.

Now I'll put on my flamesuit.

You reminded me of the fact that while I'm generally rather shy, I have little problem performing for an audience. Talking, however, I do not like.

actually, I'm a very social person and I love performing on stage and such, so I probably can't help much, but I do kind of understand a little paranoia in some social situations. In what ways is it affecting your girlfriend?

Thanks, Detic. It really helps to know I'm not the only one going through these problems. And hearing from someone who has overcome it is comforting.:)

Now you see, I have very little problem getting up in front of a big crowd and giving a speech, as long as I have it planned out. I actually like all the attention on me, but when it comes down to personal, one-on-one interaction, I have a really hard time with it. It's like Jonny Carson (sp?). He had social anxiety but he loved the spotlight. That's totally me.

The problem I have with my girlfriend is that I can't seem to break beyond the barrier of small-talk into the ocean of deeper subjects, and I have good reason to blame myself. We're always talking about factual things, never anything deeper. And I can never think of things to say. I know she notices this. Natalie's a really outgoing and fun girl, and I'm not sure how much she wants to be with a seemingly boring and no fun guy like I. I love her, and she loves me dearly. But I think sooner or later she'll want to move on if I don't change. Thus, this scenario creates even more pressure and anxiety on me. It can be overwhelming, and I can try to suck it in, but that helps only for a short while. (sorry I'm unloading on you guys )

ive been on SSRI's since september 2004, i got worse before I got better, but i also think they helped me get better. I suffered very bad depression.

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

That can happen...some SSRIs work better for some than others, some can make you worse. That's why patients on SSRI should really be under close supervision.

Can't help you much with this over the internet, but I think the key to getting rid of social anxiety is getting rid of outcome dependence.

That's my problem exactly. For whatever reason, I just shut down when I'm around strangers, and I can't seem to get over that.

You suffer social anxiety but you have a girlfriend?

Yeah.. that is very weird

Well, I didn't exactly ask her out, we started as friends and we both realized we really liked eachother. So we gradually got closer. I couldn't quite choke up the courage to ask her out, but she understands. I love her extremely because she's so fun and understanding. We're both artistic, so I tend to express myself through some of my artwork I give her. We have a lot of the same interests, I've found. But every time I go over to her place and we're on the couch watching TV or a movie with her family, I just sit there silent, though I smile alot. If someone asks me a question, I can't really find the words to answer it for fear of sounding dumb and not fitting in. But I don't really want to fit in, I just want to be myself. People just see me as a quiet, observervant artist person, but that's really not who I am, as I've stated earlier. Sorry I'm just dumping all this stuff on you guys, I know you can't really give me any advice, but your comments are appreciated.

I don't know if this would be helpful at all, but my old girlfriend used to always volunteer to play her flute infront of the class and would try out for all of the state bands and solo and ensymble, just because she was deathly afraid of playing in public and was trying to get used to it.

Maybe you could do the same kind of thing?

I used to. I guess. I don't believe that American teenagers have actually manifested mental illnesses in unprecedented numbers in the last couple decades, unmatched by any other population at any other time. Overdiagnosis, clever marketing, and a twisted perspective on what constitutes an acceptable life are clearly at play.

Anyway, a couple things helped me a lot.

First, taking a less epic view of my life. Perfectionism was a big deal for me. I'd not sleep or study or whatever before tests, just so I could justify my possible failure. I'd write papers in a single draft the night before they were due to excuse their errors. I'd not say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. I wouldn't cultivate friendships for fear of ruining them. The solution, in my case, was actual failure. As in, out of college. Once I got through and was okay with that, saying the wrong thing in some random conversation seemed really damned irrevelent. There is probably a better path to the same perspective, but whatever.

Second, self-sufficiency. "**** them" is a bravado-charged approximation, but works too. You are responsible for your own happiness. If social situations seriously stress you out, do the monastic shut-in thing until you don't feel guilty anymore, until you know you could be happy being alone for the rest of your life. Then take the next opportunity to hang out with friends and/or strangers. It's a lot easier and a lot more fun once you don't feel obligated or dependant on other people for your own wellbeing. It's not quite not caring what other people think, but the end effect is the same.