I keep an extensive quotes collection. Here are a few examples...
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
-- Abraham Lincoln
...Like the great Olympian Neil Gartinamo, world record holder in both the javelin and the hundred-yard dash. Only person who ever died by throwing a spear into his own back.
-- Dogbert
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
-- Weird Al
We should have a Vollyballocracy. We elect a six-pack of presidents. Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.
-- Dennis Miller
Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans; it's lovely to be silly at the right moment.
-- Horace
UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things.
-- Doug Gwyn
You just haven't lived until you've written your own scripting language.
-- Nigel Mull (an old friend of mine, and one of the most brilliant programmers Ive ever known...and yes, I took his advice)
Perl is a stalker's language. I can imagine stalkers coding in Perl... Everytime I see a Perl bumper-sticker, I say "hey, theres a stalker!"...
-- Nigel Mull
Who would be a poor man, a beggarman, a thief; If he had a rich man in his hand?
-- Jethro Tull
When used seperately, women and alcohol can be alot of fun. But when you use them togther, they can turn you into a dumbass.
-- Red Forman, That 70s Show
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
-- Einstein
The computer should be doing the hard work. That's what it's paid to do, after all.
-- Larry Wall in <199709012312.QAA08121@wall.org>
I just don't know why they're shooting at us. All we want to do is bring them democracy and white bread. Transplant the American dream. Freedom. Achievement. Hyperacidity. Affluence. Flatulence. Technology. Tension. The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back.
-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them.
-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
Its ironic, these old people being kept alive by the organs of the young people they run over...
-- Chief Wiggum, Simpsons
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
-- Mark Twain
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-- Einstein
You're a moderately unattractive girl, with a serious need for attention. You also have enormous, bountiful boobs that smurfs would be glad to call the rolling hills of smurfville. Gargamel must live on one of those things. Sweet Jesus.
-- Yectiwang
"Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with melting snowballs."
--Larry Wall
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.
-- Robert D. Sprecht, Rand Corp.
"Dating IS prostitution, just you dont always get what you paid for"
-- Hyde, "That 70's show"
Anyone who can appease a man's conscience can take his freedom away from him.
-- C.G.B. Spender
Men can never be free... because they are weak, corrupt, worthless and restless.
-- C.G.B. Spender
The most extraordinary of men are often tempted by the most ordinary of things.
-- C.G.B. Spender
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut.
-- Channing Pollock
It is undignified for a woman to play servant to a man who is not hers.
-- Spock, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7
The big question in our lives is how to be at the same time a hedonist and in a hurry.
-- Alain Ducasse
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
-- Albert Einstein
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
-- Matt Groening
"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
-Aristotle
Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.
-- Frank Herbert, Dune
"When you have reached the end of the road, then you an decide wheter to go the the left or the right. To fire or to water. If you make those decisions before you even set foot upon the road, it will take you nowhere. Except to a bad end."
-- Galen the Technomage, Babylon 5: Crusade
There's too much beauty upon this earth for lonely men to bear.
-- Richard Le Gallienne
Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
-- Alfred Hitchcock
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"; they say "President", we say "Stupid psychopathic git."
-- Alexi Sayle
When in doubt, do it. It's much easier to apologize than to get permission.
-- Grace Murray Hopper
Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...
-- Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones.
-- La Rochefoucauld
Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves.
-- George Gordon Noel Byron
"Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done".
--Linus Torvalds
Perl isn't really about safety. It's about getting where you're going, and enjoying the trip. It's more important to be a good driver than to have seven feet of sponge rubber all around your car.
-- Larry Wall
Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly.
-- Robert Doisneau
Your job is being a professor and researcher: That's one hell of a good excuse for some of the brain-damages of minix.
-- Linus Torvalds to Andrew Tanenbaum
Gonads are useful for their purpose, but they are no substitute for brains.
-- Paul Harvey
"I believe in the Golden Rule - The Man with the Gold... Rules."
-- Mr. T
Im not gonna give up. Not as long as the truth is out there.
-- Fox Mulder
So many women, so little nerve.
-- Bruce Sherrod
And when the moment is right, I'm gonna fly a kite.
