Ok. I'll explain a back story first..

About 2 years ago, I began to not really trust my girlfriend. Basically, she did nothing for me to not trust her, however I've just been that kind of person.

2 years ago in january, I installed a keylogger on her computer (some of you may remember this) and I monitored her chats for a few months (yes, horrible I know, even I felt bad) but around september, I came across one very vulgar...er...cyber sex chat with another male. It was the fist one that I seen her do, but it wasn't something that was meant in "fun purposes". It was real, and everything that was being said was real. We had our fight over it, and ended up staying together obviously.

3 years later, I begin to not trust her again, as before, when somethning like that happens, you never really trust someone again fully unless they somehow proove themselves.

A couple days ago, I checked agian on the keylogger status and got her email password. I sifted through her contacts and looke dup the profiles of a lot of people on her list.. A lot of the guys on her list have pictures of them in their profiles half nude shirtless, or are male models, or something to this degree. On top of this, a lot of these guys are on her "block" list on MSN..

I don't want to confront her, but I do. But I know if i do, I blow my chances of finding anything further out again if there is anything..

How would you react?
what would you think?
And what would you do?


Please..no scorning me for the keylogger thing.. As I said I already feel bad enough for it, adn I did it based off my personality. That point is moot to me right now, so there's no point arguing it wiht me.

You can't trust her, she can't trust you. If you can't figure it out from that . . .

Well
A. It her buisness
B. Follow you'r feelings

you used a keylogger on your gf.. you jerk.
:p

Just joking...

I don't know dude.. If you don't feel like you can trust her, you probably shouldn't be dating her... Plus it sounds like she doesn't realy respect you. I'd drop her.

Avenger, I didn't ask for advice on my relationship. Dont take it wrong, but I didn't want that kidn of advice.. I meant advice on the situation..

I also realise it's her business. But to me, given her past, it just seems wierd that she would have these kind of people on he rlist, and moreso, them mostly being on block.

It would be the same if she checked my MSN and found nothing but profiles of girls naked or something. I KNOW a girl would be pissed off about that.

Also, we'v ebeen together for 5 years now.

irrelevant but...

Feed yourself you angsty, whiney, son of a...

What?...

First, you're an ***.

Second, your numbers don't add up. 2 years ago this, now, three years later that... huh?

Third, I really don't care.

i was responding to your sig.. just ignore me. sorry.

How am I an ***? I had my suspisions, and they were correct. I agree what I did wasn't the right thing to do, but neither was what SHE did. On top of that, I dont see how that makes me an ***.

What numbers dont add up?

2 years ago in Jan, installation of keylogger
2 years ago in Sept - found her cyber ****ing another guy, getting off to it
2-3 years later, still together.

We've been together 5 years.

See, when you have a problem with someone, instead of being an ***, what you are supposed to do is talk to the person you have problem with, not go and invade their privacy, like an insecure, untrusting ***.

There are certain situations where it's best not to do that.

If I had have just blown up one day and said "HEY ***** I DONT ****ING TRUST YOU IM BREAKING UP WITH YOU" I would have both looked crazy, and been an ***.

At least I did what I had to do to find out the TRUTH before I confronted her. And as I said, that doesn't make me right nor does it make what I did OK.

The only way I found out that my ex was cheating on me was by checking her chat logs. I had been asking her what she was up to with the guy and she kept getting upset at me for not trusting her.

Hypocritical b*tch.

Note that I said "talk", not "scream", "yell", "insult", "strike", or "mock".

Sounds like you have some sort of deep-seated personal insecurites and, true to your alias, a warped and quick temper.

I agree with Hellequin.

You don't deserve her trust for keylogging.

She doesn't deserve your trust for what she did.

End the relationship already.

Hellequin - If you cant post something constructive, don't post here in my topic. If you've got a problem with me and what I've posted/done, I suggest you deal with it. I'm not turning this into a debate. Go start your own thread for that if you want.

You want something constructive? Here:

If you want to keep her...

...apologize for being an *** (use the word *** when you apologize, like this "Look baby, I'm sorry I was an ***...").

...take her someplace or buy her something nice (not necessarily expensive) to prove that you are apologetic.

...tell her you'll be more of a man, so she doesn't have to go looking around to get what she wants.

If you don't want to keep her:

...proceed as you have been doing (being an ***).

Although Helle said it in the most self-rigteous, ***-baggish way possible; he's right.

The fact that you felt you had to install the keylogger is enough. Get out. It's not worth your time. You know you can't trust her, so stop wasting your time.

If you came here looking for sympathy though, you probably won't get it. Even though I completely understand what you are going through, the fact that you went into creepy stalker mode really bothers me.

Final Verdict: Move on, grow up a little before you get a new girl. If you can't trust her, maybe it's something deeper inside of yourself you have trouble trusting as well.

@ Temp: Dude, no one has a problem. Don't get all pissy at us because you're pissed at your GF.

And I'm sorry you can't handle the cold hard truth, but the fact is you've both done things to break each other's trust. What makes you think that is ever going to change?

If I wanted sympathy, belive me, I wouldnt ask for it here. Nor an internet.

I was merely asking for advice.. Note, I only asked "HOW WOULD YOU REACT" "What woudl you think" and "What would you do" Not "Bash me for what I did even though I made it clear I knew what was wrong and even though it came out that SHE ****ed around and I'm only asking for advice on what you would REACT like and nothing more"


No offense, I appreciate the advice. But a lot of you don't have to be such pricks about it. There are much fairer words to put your statements in than calling someone an *** and a pussy and saying he isn't a man. That's just damn insulting.

he's kind of right, guys.. Your reactions are a bit over the top. and he did say he didn't want an argument about that...

but:
FTW.
Dude, I know you've been in this relationship for 5 years, and it would suck to end it, but seriously I don't think it's working out. You could try counseling...

If she's that important to you, tell her that you don't feel liek you can trust her but that because she means so much to you you're willing to pay for couples counseling. If she agrees then it shows that both of you have the maturity to work through your problems. If she isn't willing to do the counseling, then you really shoudl think about ending the relationship.

Tear down your fake-*** walls and admit you came here for support. You weren't posting this out of boredom. Christ.

Yes, you have some DEEP seated issues with trust. You can't just go invading people's privacy like that, especially in a relationship. Honestly dude, the minute I had a notion about installing a keylogger, I would've realized that the relationship's too far gone--the old saying "relationships are built on trust" isn't just a cliche.

After reading this thread, I think Tempermental just doesn't want to break up with her. You'd have to be a fool to not realize that, like everyone else has said, a relationship isn't going to work if a KEYLOGGER had to be installed.

And you wanted to know how they'd react, they're saying THEY WOULD BREAK UP WITH HER. They've given their advice, listen to it. It IS what you wanted you know.

Dude, just accept that you need to break up with her. How could a relationship be going very well at all if you needed to install a keylogger to see if she was doing anything wrong, and she was. She still may be. Don't get all pissed off at people for telling you what NEEDS TO BE DONE, and then tell them that's not what you wanted.

It's...just..WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


Zlocista.

You don't trust her. If she finds out what you've done, she won't trust you, and she has no reason to, as it is. You're both in a relationship you should both obviously get out of.

Dump her.

Coming at this from a different direction:

What have you found? Evidence of sexually explicit conversations with other people online (that she probably doesn't know in the outside world), pictures of attractive males, etc.

Am I the only one who doesn't see this as a gross violation of the rules? The cybering sort of pushes it, but I don't think it's that far out there.

Temp- Going out on a limb here, you look at porn. How different is that to her pictures in her email? One might even say that what you're doing is worse. Cybering is basically porn with text, but you're participating instead of just reading.

I don't know. Obviously, I can see where you'd be angry and frustrated about it. But on the other hand, females aren't sexdriveless mammals of pureness and perfection. Girls have sexual urges too.

I don't really see it as that huge of a trust violation.

How I would have felt? If I had suspicions of infidelity, I would not go as far as spying on her. I would be quite pissed, yes. But installing keyloggers? Noooo way. I would have just casually observed her demeanor for signs of infidelity. Perhaps ask friends. Or perhaps confront her directly.

Happydud: Very good points.

According to him, he doesn't look at porn, so your point is null and void. Either way, cybering really isn't breaking any kind of pact of trust (or obviously a supreme lack thereof, more like getting out frustrations).

Amen, dud.

Although I'm not the leading expert, I'm sure it's not extremely easy to simply just dump a girl you've been with for three years (is it three?). You guys are treating it like you're just throwing out yesterday's moldy bread, but maybe Tempermental wants to save this relationship? Just maybe?

Looks like she cares enough that she can't leave you but at the same time, it looks like she isn't getting what she thinks she should be getting out of you in the relationship.

Also, how old is she?

MY experience with this:

I had one that fooled around like yours, playing around with other guys, chatting with them strangley (I read over her shoulder once when I was over). Couldn't trust her, and I ended up getting extremely hurt because she was trying to hide a lot of stuff behind my back, and eventually a friend of hers told me everything. I don't think shes good for you man, but that's just my opinion.

1) It's not easy, but it's necessary.
2) The way to save a relationship is NOT to break her trust further after she's broken yours.
3) See 2

LOL she did nothing to you and you install a keylogger on her computer, check up on her, take her email password, go through her email contacts or whatever and you say SHE cant be trusted?

you're a dumbass, heh

My reaction to that?

My reaction would be me shooting myself in the foot and calling myself an idiot for the rest of my life. What the hell were you thinking when you installed a keylogger on her PC?

Did the idea of "This is illegal" ever enter your head? Unless she specifically allowed you to obtain that information, it's illegal. If you don't have enough moral standing to realize that was incredibly wrong to do, at least follow the damn law.

Yeah yeah, she cheats, etc etc. But you know what? There are infinately better ways of going about finding out such matters, or even not trying at all. People who cheat usually slip up somehow anyway, so you'd have found out sooner or later. And you'd be on much better ground to boot. Now you're just as untrustworthy as she is, hell, for what little she has done, I'd say you are MORE untrustworthy than her.

look i know it sounds stupid, but you should not leave room for misunderstandings if your serious about htis relationship. tell her something to the effect of:"hey im really serious about you,. but if your not going to be faithful to me then we cant be together... blah...blah." and make sure she understands what exactly it is that you would consider to be "unfaithful" cause it seems like you got kind of a scetchy definition of it there.

Im not even going to boether.. you guys are so quick to want to find things to jump down my throat about, just because you don't really hodl me in the highest reagard.

I SAID MORE THAN ONCE, I DO NOT WISH TO DISCUSS OR ASK OPINIONS ON WHAT I DID ABOUT THE KEYLOGGEr ONLY OPINIONS ON HOW YOU WOULD REACT IF YOU FOUND TEH SAME SORT OF ****. Jesus christ people. Stop finding reasons to jump on me.

Then you never should have brought it up.

Ok, based on the whole "a couple of days ago" bit, as far as you know she's done nothing wrong.

There is nothing to confront her with, but you'll quite justifiably lose her trust if you try to anyway. You've screwed yourself over because it's going to be utter hell trying to find some way to trust her again without invalidating her trust in you.

If someone I was going out with had guys with high opinions of their bodies on her contact list, i'd be a little miffed, I might even tell her i'm not pleased. But here's the kicker, I wouldn't have found out by using a keylogger.

Exactly. I'm not trying to jump on you, and I don't think anyone else is either--but it's hard not to when we see the actions you've taken in your relationship. We're expressing our opinions--you can't force us not to (as you're not an admin :p). We're not your robot slaves that will give you what you want and only what you want--we give you everything whether you like it or not. ****, that's life man, learn to deal with it.