how to be a good republican

1)you have to believe that the nations eight-year unpresidented prosperity was due to the work of ronald regan and george bush(senior), but that today's gas prices are all clintons fault.

2)you have to believe that those privlaged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3)you have to be agianst government programs, but expect your social security cheques on time.

4)you have to belive that the government should stay out of peoples lives, yet want government control to regulate only opposite-gender marriages, what a women does to her uterus, and what your officail language should be.

5)you have to believe that polution is OK so long as it makes a profit.

6)you have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha or the Goddess.

7)you have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

there is more but I can't be bothered to put them in. I got this from a comedy book I bought today.

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your curiosity will get the better of YOU one day.
alpha1: winner of the 2003 tfti award.

...

Thanks for that rather useless piece of text. I kind of enjoyed it.

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Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here, this was my dream, my wish, and it didn't come true. So I'm takin' it back. I'm takin' 'em all back.

HA!

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To artificial life, all reality is virtual.

Is it really a joke?

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

Yeah, its not really a joke.. or dissing anything.. its just the way it is

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Happy "Diseased" dud: You said I'd be like this guy. Boycotting everything..
Happy "Diseased" dud: ted kazcnisky. That's who it was.
Happy "Diseased" dud: Wait, That's the unibomer.
Happy "Diseased" dud: Wrong guy.

Being British, None Of That Made Sense.

hahahaha though.

ps. Whats a republican...apart from resembling Nixon.

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"I never dreamed I'd love somebody like you...
I never dreamed I'd loose someone like you."

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

There are essentially two political parties in the U.S:

Democrat: Liberal, believes in big spending for government programs to improve society, believe that there should be a redistribution of wealth: putting money in the hands of the lower classes will promote buying and stimulate the economy, considered to be morally loose by republicans.

Republican: Conservative, believes that the government should be as small as possible and not butt into people's lives, believe that money should be put in the hands of big corporations and wealthy people so that it will trickle down to the lower classes, pretty much oppose any new or radical way of thinking, including non-Christian religions, homosexuality, abortion, stem-cell research, minorities, etc.

The last 12 American presidents:
Franklin D. Roosevelt: Democrat
Harry S Truman: Democrat
Dwight D. Eisenhower: Republican
John F. Kennedy: Democrat
Lyndon B. Johnson: Democrat
Richard M. Nixon: Republican
Gerald Ford: Republican
Jimmy Carter: Democrat
Ronald Reagan: Republican
George Bush: Republican
Bill Clinton: Democrat
George W. Bush: Republican

Democratic National Committee
Republican National Committee

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Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here.

[This message has been edited by CygnusX (edited December 20, 2003).]

Surely a merging of these two would be fruitful?

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"I never dreamed I'd love somebody like you...
I never dreamed I'd loose someone like you."

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

You'd think so, but when you look at what Ahnold has done for California so far...

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The Matrix: Unplugged

Yup, the US is doomed.

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Snail racing: (500 posts per line)
---@%

Cygnus is right, although there have been some odd developments lately. Namely a Democrat (Clinton) turning a Republican's (GB Sr.) record-breaking deficit into a surplus, only to have another Republican (GWB) turn it back into another record-breaking deficit. Fiscal conservatism always used to be a Republican platform. Some have begun labelling the trend in the Republican party as "neo-conservatism": a big-spending, expansionist, realpolitik kind of evil.

I'm a non-partisan moderate. This allows me to make fun of everyone.

A merging of the two parties is unlikely, though it's where America found its roots. When initially founded, candidates for elected offices were expected to run because they wanted to serve the people out of good will. Political parties were considered to corrupt these ideals, and divide the nation.

Looks like they were right. I, myself, can not ally myself with Democrats or Republicans - I agree with both on issues, and strongly disagree with them on others. Of course, I'll probably vote Lieberman if he gets the nomination... *crosses fingers*

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"LC Tusken: the idiot is the person who follows the idiot and your not following me your insulting me your following the path of a idiot so that makes you the idiot"
Jack Chick preaches it
NMGOH

"Hey Lois look, the two symbols of the Republican Party; an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change!" - Peter Griffin

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Get busy living or get busy dying. - Andy Dufresne

/huggles family guy

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Happy "Diseased" dud: You said I'd be like this guy. Boycotting everything..
Happy "Diseased" dud: ted kazcnisky. That's who it was.
Happy "Diseased" dud: Wait, That's the unibomer.
Happy "Diseased" dud: Wrong guy.

Hehehe, I foudn that amusing.

However, in these modern days, I can't look at any government without laughing. They're all as bad as each other.

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GhostOfYoda - General doer of stuff.

It was. Don't tell me that raising taxes to levels not seen since the mid 40s stimulated the economy.

Wrong wrong and more wrong. ANYONE can achieve success. Some might have to work harder than others but success is attainable. I don't care what socioeconomic background you have, put in a little elbow grease and you can have success. It's what our nation was founded on. WORK!

I do not demand a social security check. I will never demand a social security check. I think social security is a defunct system that was designed for use in the 30s. Too many people are dependant on it.

This is the United States of America. We speak English here. We do not speak French, German, Russian, Arabic, Spanish, Portugese, Japanese, Korean, Polish, or Yiddish. We speak English. If you're going to live in this nation, learn English. I shouldn't have to learn your language to communicate with you in MY nation. As far as what a woman does to her uterus, I consider that practice of killing human lives. I don't know how anyone can condone such a practice (there's a Pandora's box I just opened).

Pollution is NOT ok. You think I enjoy breathing that crappy air?? There is a way to make a profit more cleanly. See "elbow grease" comment.

Prayer in school is a GOOD thing. I don't care what religion. It's just become the fact that you can pray in school as long as you're not a Christian. Jewish, Islam, Buddhist, go ahead! But you Christans, don't EVEN think about praying or we will sue you so fast and furious. Please tell me you even slightly notice that something's amiss with that.

I would like to believe that. I believe you should WAIT. Some parents teach their children morals and values. Parents would like to see if they succeded in that effort.

There. My cruxifiction may begin now.



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<scribbly handwriting barely resembling name>

Of course the government "controls" what the OFFICIAL language is. By the way, the official language is the one spoken by the majority, so you can say that it is chosen democratically.

Are you a Republican, Gandalf?

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June 16 - A night to remember
Ex-Council of 14
Miken
"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself?"

Jesus Christ, Gandalf, I don't think you could have done a better job of ignoring the original post.

It was a joke. Do not turn this thread into a political debate.

Gandalf wasn't the first one to miss the "joke".

I wouldn't mind reading a political debate...although that might hijack the thread.

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Snail racing: (500 posts per line)
---@%


[This message has been edited by Echoman (edited December 20, 2003).]

Gandalf:

I'm sorry but if I'm "dissed" for my beliefs do I not have a right to defend myself? But whatever, I don't care anymore. I'll shut up now and remove my presence.

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<scribbly handwriting barely resembling name>

So you're going to deny a republican the right to defend himself? A joke is one thing but others have already taken the opportunity to turn this into a republican-bashing thread.

Well, it's not like anybody actually wants to listen to your goofy republican ideas. Massassi = left.

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Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

This is a rare instance where a heated, political debate might just increase the intelligence of a thread.

Even though that was a really lame joke, there is no reason to start ****ing your pants about it.

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You will respect my authoritah!

[as I already said, this thread is not the place for a political debate.]

[This message has been edited by Sine Nomen (edited December 20, 2003).]

I'm tempted to make a thread called: funny joke. warning: if you are offended by jokes that diss other races, do not enter., and then spew a bunch of racial jokes.

You know what would happen? I'd get banned. This is akin to saying "Let me say whatever I want, just don't reply to it if you disagree".

Complete and total bull.

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http://www.4guys-1dragoon.cjb.net -No porn. We promise*

I don't think that the original post could be classified as a joke. It wasn't funny and was obviously posted to bash republicans. If you want to create jokes that poke fun at republicans, try using some facts instead of unfounded prejudices.

I'm with Wolfy on this one. I'm a registered independent who finds himself in agreement with both of the major parties on certain issues. I too have the ability to sit back and laugh at you goofballs.




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http://www.napalmdeathsquad.com

Of course people are going to be upset by this joke as it mocks their beliefs. Simply putting a warning on it isn't going to stop people from reading it either, this is a public forum. When it comes to politics and religion people are hesitant to laugh at themselves.

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Cantina Cloud | BCF | The Massassian & A Very Massassian Xmas
Corrupting the kiddies since '97

Someone like you?

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Roach - It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.

The mental patient sits and stares.

0 of 14.

No.

Unfortunately.

[This message has been edited by Ictus (edited December 20, 2003).]

"everyone"? No duh. some? Possible. btw....*sniff sniff* That "statistic" smells like you pulled it out of your ***.

omg you need a life. THEY ARE POLITICAL JOKE! NOT RASCIST! That disclaimer is supposed to mean "If you are whiny, then don't come in here." So why are you here?

Jesus Christ, if you are going to insult the joke or joker, do it because the joke was stupid as hell. Not because of some retarded "political discrimination" idea.

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You will respect my authoritah!

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited December 20, 2003).]

[no]

[This message has been edited by Sine Nomen (edited December 20, 2003).]

[see above]


[This message has been edited by Sine Nomen (edited December 20, 2003).]

[no]

[This message has been edited by Sine Nomen (edited December 20, 2003).]

Kieran: sarcasm

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

Were those jokes, or uneducated allegations?

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Archimedes: Pseudo-intellectual since 1986
www.retronetworks.com

political debates are ONLY a good way of letting people expose their stupidity

political debates are a waste of time if you see yourself getting into one WALK AWAY do something constructive with your time instead...

anyway i don't know why i came here... oh well

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LONG LIVE DREAMCAST!!!