You may be a liberal/democrat if:

You think George W. Bush is a bigger threat to world peace than Saddam Hussein

You think every problem is the direct result of the government not spending enough to solve it

You think making $100,000/yr makes you "rich".

You think Fox News is a biased network, and Al Jazeerah isn't

You think suicide bombers and other terrorists are "militants"

The answer to every problem in the Middle East is the end of Israel

You think Castro is anything other than a petty dictator

You think a tax cut is bad for, but a tax hike helps the poor

You think the Dixie Chicks and Tim Robbins should say what they want, but O'reilly, Hannity, and Limbaugh should shut up

You trust CNN for anything beyond the current temperature

You think SUVs are supportive of terrorists, but houses with 19 car garages are AOK

You think the deaths of soldiers is preferrable to another term of GWB as President

You liken the Perdue factory to a concentration camp

You think Clinton was a paragon of ethics

You think the 2000 election was "stolen"

You feel my pain

You think "choice" applies only to abortion

You think Mumia is a political prisoner

You think that every misbehaving child has ADD or needs therapy

You think that the answer to discrimination is more discrimination

You think that women and men are basically alike and essentially interchangeable, that 'gender' is a result of culturally imposed norms, not innate, natural dispositions

You think that people are born with sexual 'orientation,' but that sex (or 'gender') can be changed with a knife

You think that racial hatred is wrong, but class hatred is acceptable

You think that poverty is caused by the wealthy

If you condemn Israel and the US for fighting terrorism, but turn a blind eye when another civilian cafe or bus station is blown up by radical fundies

You call Conservative millionaires "greedy", while calling Liberal millionaires "hard working", "creative", or "clever"

One day you label President Bush as just a "stupid hick from the sticks" and the next day call him an "diabolical genius"

You support killing of babies, but rush to the defense of hardened criminals

You believe that 6 month old babies and old ladies should be frisked at the airport, because focusing on swarthy-looking young Arabs would be
discriminatory

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

You named your children Moonglow and Arizona.

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic.

You've ever referred to the "root cause" of something.

You pray to "The Woman Upstairs."

You think we never gave peace a chance.

You had to be told that "Manhattan," "menopause" and "boycott" were not sexist words

You begin sentences with the words "I feel."

Your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough.

You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense.

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers.

You think Julia Sugarbaker is an astute social commentator.

You think it takes a village.

You think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally.

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate.

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated.

You ever wore earth shoes.

You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?"

You think the New York Times prints all the news that's fit.

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer.

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling.

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair.

You think that the really dangerous McCarthy was Joe, not Eugene.

You blame the Unabomber's parents.

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon.

You have ever agreed with Martin Sheen or Barbra Streisand

You are against the war on terrorism, but are only too happy to make millions of dollars making movies about it

You preach about the evils of capitalism from the comfort of your $50,000,000 Beverly Hills mansion

You think that being able to play the President on a TV show automatically grants "political expertise" in real life.

You claim that there is too much violence in the movies....then you beat up anybody who disagrees with you

You think that more taxes are an "economic cure-all"

You think Hollywood is some kind of "supreme god" who can do and say no wrong, and should be worshipped 24/7

You call lies "truth" and you call truth "propaganda"

You believed Al Gore when he said he "invented the Internet"

You believed Bill Clinton when he said he "felt your pain".

You turn a blind eye to the suicide bombings at the hands of radical fanatics, but condemn Israel and the Western World for wanting to keep their people safe

You think Freedom of Speech means freedom from responsibility for what you say

You believe that Freedom of Speech only applies to a certain percentage of America, but not everybody else.

You think if a crime is committed with a gun, the gun is responsible, and NOT the offender

You blame the NRA, and not the criminals, for violent crime with guns

You think that another person's rights are an infringement upon your own rights

You think the Corporations are evil, but Communism and dictatorships are "noble"

You think the UN is an efficient governmental body

You say you fight discrimination, then you give minorities extra "perks" simply because of race.

You think the Kennedy Family was a "respectable family" but call George Bush a "Hitler"

You think traits like honesty and character are "out-dated"

You think that the minority should have the right to force their will upon the majority

You somehow think taking guns away from honest citizens will reduce crime by violent offenders

You somehow think Saddam and Bin Laden are better for the world than President Bush

You believe people should do what you say, but not what you do

You preach "peace" and "love" and "non-violence" and "anti-gun laws" but appear in movies that glorify guns, explosives and twisting people's heads of with martial arts to win over the bad guys.

You deride Bush for landing on a plane to boost moral and show his gratitude to the troops but you praise Clinton for using the military as a social program to force gays into the ranks and lowering moral.

You think the "all Men are created equal" comments in the Declaration Of Independance means that they are actually equal in ability (as opposed to being given equal opportunity) and no one should make a choice about them based on their actual abilities to perform.

You think a person's sexual preference, and not their ability to perform, should be the deciding factor in who-gets-what job.

You think demanding respect is more important that actually doing something to earn it

You think the "right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances" means breaking into military installations during wartime, stopping commerce, and breaking nudity laws are what the founding fathers meant.

You think the meaning of the Constitution changes with your moods or to suit your own ideals and/or agendas.

You think freedom OF religion means annihilation of any reference religion.

You think that rights of gays, lesbians, drag queens (or kings) should be forcibly recognized, but rights of Christians or other religious groups should be taken away

You think if anybody disagrees with you, they are challenging your rights to Free Speech

You think burning the American Flag is protected by Freedom of Speech, but those who disagree are not.

When you boycott a Conservative person and/or company you call it "Freedom of Choice"....but when Conservatives boycott, you call it "McCarthyism".

You think convicted criminals and democratic politicians who screw up are worth understanding and forgiving but conservative politicians and religious people who speak their opinion should be banned from public service.

You think that tolerance equals acceptance and anyone who doesn't accept a liberal cause is a racist or bigot.

You throw down the "race card" as your only argument.

You think terrorists and arsonists who burn down private property and harass businesses are noble but the troops who liberated Iraqis are war criminals.

You think that violent protests and domestic terrorism are how you affect change in our country instead of voting.

You ban Tom Sawyer from schools for being "racist" but you approve of My Two Moms as wholesome and acceptable.

You think that you can understand politics from Hollywood and activist celebrities without doing any research yourself.

You frown upon self-thought and independent thought.

You feel people should "share the wealth" (as long as your money is not the one being "shared")

You think pedophilia is ok, but God must be banned

You believe people are owed restitution for injuries inflicted on their long-dead ancestors.

You find charisma to be an appropriate replacement for honesty.

You find flashy rhetoric to be a suitable substitute for sincerity.

You don't believe willful omissions of facts should be considered lying.

You have a problem with the mention of God in the Pledge of Allegiance, but have no qualms about it being printed on your wonderful money.

You simultaneously piss on our country and its system while reaping its rewards.

You refuse to acknowledge any contributions to society that were not made by minorities.

You believe if Martin Sheen or Sean Penn said so, it has to be a universally known fact

You try to make excuses for and justify terrorism

You think every problem can be solved with bigger Government

You believe that we can "spend our way" out of the deficit

You think Saddam Hussein, Bin Laden and Hitler were just "misunderstood"

You believe that people should not have to be expected to take responsibility for their actions

Mothers who are drug addicts should be allowed to have children and to raise them while they're addicted.

Capitalism oppresses people and Socialism liberates people.

You do not believe that violent criminals should be subject to the death penalty because it's "inhumane" but at the same time, you refuse to lift a finger to save an un-born child

The government should provide cradle to grave entitlement programs for everyone.

No trees should be cut down, even if they're dead.

The government should tax every last bit of your paycheck.

You think that Saddam, Stalin, and Hitler were "noble" and in the same breath, you call President Bush "evil".

You take a trip over to a foreign country to profess how horrible America is.

You believe in choice except when it comes to retirement, schools, and health care

You think Clinton was an "honest and virtuous man"

You believe that unwed teenage mothers should get a paycheck from the Government

You ignore more than 50 years of medical warnings about tobacco use, but when you get cancer, the tobacco company is to blame.

You want to reward those who do not wish to work, and at the same time, punish those who do work

You think since Clinton only "smoked and didn't inhale" pot, it's OK

You think society "owes you a living"

You somehow believe that George Bush is more dangerous than Bin Laden, Saddam, Hitler, ect.

You believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

You believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

You somehow think that a President who lied under oath, compromised with fanatical dicators, and gave military secrets to hostile regimes is somehow better for America than the present Administration.

You believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of a fanatical hate-filled dictator.

You believe that 9/11 was an "Israeli conspiracy" and could never have been carried out by Bin Laden or his croonies

You think the best way to deal with terrorist regimes is to appease and compromise with them.

You think SUVs are responsible for the rising cost of gas

You believe that morals and integrity should never get in the way of popular opinion

You want to legalize drugs but outlaw tobacco.

You want what you feel "you deserve", instead of what you earn

You think it's OK to be dis-honest, if personal gain is at stake

You can exaggerate the facts and make up fiction to prove your point

You think trial Lawyers suing big corporations with lawsuits that deny arguments of personal responsibility is a "good thing"

You spew out your rhetoric, but have nothing to back it up.

You think that "truth" is irrelevant.

You think Ah-Nold should not have been allowed to run for Gov, because he's "just a celebrity", but at the same time, you would have had no problem endorsing Babs, Tim Robbins, or Martin Sheen based on that very criteria.

You refuse to ever fly the American flag or any other show of patriotism because this country has so many things wrong with it.

You think that the Fourth of July is an evil holiday and refuse to celebrate it.

You have always been constantly complaining, whining, and saying how much you absolutely hate this country despite the fact that you have been living here all your life and pay taxes and support the economy.

You believe that the term 'illegal immigrant' is profane.

You are a college professor at a big university.

You believe that we deserved and asked for the Sept. 11 attacks.

You think of our servicemen/women as being brainwashed, manipulated zombies.

You think that we have no business saying how Iraq should be run and therefore Saddam should of stayed in power.

You think that any WMD's that will be found were planted there by the Bush admin.

You have ever made a donation to Greenpeace

You protest Ah-Nold's alleged "groping" of women while cheering when Bill Clinton admitted to sexual mis-conduct

You believe that an accusation against a Conservative should not be concerned with whether or not that accusation is a lie or the truth but should be wholly concerned with the seriousness of the accusation.

If you decry every mention of Christian faith but demand a paid day off on Christmas

You think Yassar Arrafat really cares about peace

You think Jacque Chirac deserves a Nobel Prize

And Finally.......................

You think Ralph Nader cares about consumers, Unions care about their members, the ACLU cares about civil liberties, the National Education Association cares about education, People for the American Way care about the American way, and Bill Clinton cares about anything other than Bill Clinton.

------------------
Ω of 14
Half-Life 2 Central: your definitive source for everything HL2!

Oh, and no, I can't take credit for those of course, they're from various sources. So don't credit me for the hilarity.

------------------
Ω of 14
Half-Life 2 Central: your definitive source for everything HL2!

I'm such a hypocrite, oh well.

[This message has been edited by Jedi Legend (edited December 20, 2003).]

I'll reply in a week with how funny I found it. Y'know, after I've finished reading it all.

------------------
"When all else fails, eat pie."
-¬thoughts from beyond observance

i'm gonna just post this then roll my eyes and walk away

i'll laugh on the same day that i buy duke nukem forever, a warm coat, and a shotgun so i can shoot pigs out of the sky... oh and the same goes for alpha1's thread

------------------
LONG LIVE DREAMCAST!!!

Simply...owned.



------------------
"Did you just say.....Birthday Party?...."

Wow, that's a lot

I'll say the same as I did in the last thread: Is it really a joke?

------------------
I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

Pathetic, Brad, really.

Jesus Christ, Sine Nomen, I don't think you could have done a better job of ignoring the original post/topic.

But really, where do you get off vehemently defending alpha1 and giving me crap? WTF kind of BS is that?

------------------
Ω of 14
Half-Life 2 Central: your definitive source for everything HL2!

I'm not offended. I don't even disagree with half the post. It's pathetic that you felt compelled to respond to a stupid ****ing joke.

Two way street

------------------
I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

I'm not allowed to post jokes of my own? I've had this list for a long long time, and upon reading alpha1's topic, remembered that I had it. Honestly, grow up.

------------------
Ω of 14
Half-Life 2 Central: your definitive source for everything HL2!

Ach, politics. How ugly it can get...

------------------
Check out the following stories over at the Interactive Story Board:
The Never-ending Story Thread or visit the new webcomic version!
The Vision Cycle series
Featured Story: Dead

um... I stopped reading about halfway, they just stopped being funny... not because they werent funny, but because of the sheer number of them. You should've broken it up a bit into several posts here and there.

------------------
<< start the revolution >>

As much as I'd like to sarcastically agree that this wasn't a petty retort, I'll be consistent and stop. Enjoy your thread.

ok I finished reading them and some of them repeated basically the same thing, but still pretty funny. Even though I didnt find anything wrong with what some of them said.... heh.

------------------
<< start the revolution >>

He used the Lord's name in vain...he's obviously a democrat.


------------------
I'm going to go out and do stuff, like besides work. Call up ben, hang out. Maybe see the last samurai, go skydiving, whatever.
Get back into the gym...
I want to do stuff that prevents me from playin video games so I can only play them a few hours a day, basically.
(Formally Veger, who died when he lost his e-mail adress, and his password. Veeger still looks for his old pass...)

Most of your points are idiotic (please show me a "liberal" saying that Hitler was misundertsood), and this thread is quickly combusting, but I have to mention that once I made the mistake of visiting a forum where people used "girlcott". Earnestly.

I find these things hilarious, because they are so true.

From these two threads, I have drawn a conclusion. Politians all suck. Why can't we have a true democracy where the people rule? Why do we have to have a society where the people who have the money make the laws?

------------------
GhostOfYoda - General doer of stuff.

I hate the pigeonholing of liberal/democrat and conservative/republican personally...turns a grey world into a stupidly black and white one.

------------------
Cantina Cloud | BCF | The Massassian & A Very Massassian Xmas
Corrupting the kiddies since '97

[This message has been edited by Jaiph (edited December 21, 2003).]

I agree with Jaiph. Where's the love, people?

------------------
"When all else fails, eat pie."
-¬thoughts from beyond observance

Thats why Ive converted to socialism.. Theres no anti-Socialism literature out on the bookshelves are there!!

------------------
Happy "Diseased" dud: You said I'd be like this guy. Boycotting everything..
Happy "Diseased" dud: ted kazcnisky. That's who it was.
Happy "Diseased" dud: Wait, That's the unibomer.
Happy "Diseased" dud: Wrong guy.

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.

That had me rofl-ing.

------------------
"For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries."
-Robert Jastrow

Right! Exactly!

Don't you understand what you've just said? In the conservative-bashing thread you felt compelled to respond to every point and explain why it was wrong, but in the liberal-bashing thread it's funny because it's true.

And yeah Os, this is pathetic. Alpha1's thread was stupid and immature to begin with, but this response isn't helping. No wonder America is so screwed up - instead of actually thinking about the problems, people just get behind an ideology and scream at the opposing camp as hard as they can. Maybe if you'd take the time to step back and think for a change, stuff would start getting fixed.

For the record, I'm Canadian, and while this kind of thing does occur in our politics, it's not anywhere near the same level. Jesus.

------------------
Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

This is almost as unfunny as the Republican thread. Grow up. All of you.

alpha1 probably just copied and pasted, whereas...

------------------
Of war, we don't speak anymore

The problem with both threads is that between all the lines which are quite funny there are lines which are downright insulting when placed in the same list as some of the others.



It doesn't? I'd love to earn that much in 10 years, I don't hold much hope though. Really, how is this funny at all? There are plenty of others like this.

This thread would be much better if the list just contained the funny bits (it would also be much shorter).

Not funny. At all.

I found some of them funny but I do think it could have ben condensed... At least to about half its length. This and the other are pretty much every little thing that could come up in a politcial argument. And end ugly.

------------------
"So there I was completely naked and covered in tartar sauce..."

Get off my plane, you Democrat.

------------------
1 of 14 - The Coucil still lives
6-16 Never Forget.
Click.

The only solution I see is to abolish any form of government and allow the biker-gangs to do their work.

------------------
Roach - It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.

The mental patient sits and stares.

0 of 14.

Not clever. Stupid.

Yes.

Unfortunately.

Dont worry, i wont.

The first 20 or so were actually funny, because they were pretty right, but after that it just reached a point of making fun of everyone, and half of your 'democrat' points sound more like 'republican' points, additionally some were good, some were just stupid...

Ahh.... doesn’t matter anyway, democrats and republicans are more alike than most people think, they may speak with different voices, but in the end they act pretty much the same...

------------------
"Well, if I am not drunk, I am mad, but I trust I can behave like a gentleman in either
condition."... G. K. Chesterton

Matthew Pate, Jaiph and Det said it best so I'm just going to agree with them.

How about I start a thread:

You may be a f***ing moron if...

You post threads about government

LOLOLOL I R TEH FUNNAY BECOUZ SI TROO!

You can't group conservatives and liberals with democrats and republicans and so many items on both of the lists in both of the threads are just plain stupid. Maybe if you had compiled the ones that actually make sense it would be OK - Having
"You think 100k makes you rich" and
"You think the poor need tax hikes" the same list is oxymoronic.

------------------
June 16 - A night to remember
Ex-Council of 14
Miken
"The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself?"

Wow Brad. This is really sad. Not only are they unfunny, I thought you were a lot more mature than this, and take those jokes so much at heart to come back. I agree with everything Sine said.

------------------
In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03

dude, i do think i said that i got it from a book. not quite copying and pasting but close enough. brad also admited to not makeing them up himself. he just used multiple websites.

------------------
your curiosity will get the better of YOU one day.
alpha1: winner of the 2003 tfti award.

that list is way too long, way too not funny.

I don't much care politics..so either one of this treads don't offend me, But yours oSiRiS
is Much more insulting then that last one

It seems to me, that your trying to start a flame war, and a Moderator
should be above that sort of thing



[This message has been edited by Grim Zombie (edited December 21, 2003).]

i have removed the ones that are either oppinionated, actualy true, bitter complianing about something or just a disgusting accusation(see the serviceman are zombies.) do you seriously think that the U.S has learned nothing from vietnam(that people in the service are not to blaim as they are only following orders.)

i have added comments to some that i don't think are so horrible they should be deleated but bad enough to deserve a critisism.

p.s. hardly any of these seem to be actual jokes and the only joke is that you think they are funny.

------------------
your curiosity will get the better of YOU one day.
alpha1: winner of the 2003 tfti award.

Oh geez.

------------------
Cantina Cloud | BCF | The Massassian & A Very Massassian Xmas
Corrupting the kiddies since '97