IT WAS DESTROYED BY A UFO!

Hahahaha.

Good one. >.>

Can't say I do. Explain in spoilers :p

Nevermind. It's kinda a hard joke to understand. Anyways...

A guy walks into a bar, walks straight up to the bartender, and says to him, "I will bet you a free beer that I can bite my own left eye."
The bartender is taken aback, but shrugs and responds, "OK. But otherwise you're paying, buddy."
The man nods and pulls his right eye out of it's socket and bites it. It's a glass eye.
The bartender laughs, serves him his beer, and gets back to whatever important bartending duties he has. The man drinks, then he buys some more drinks, then he starts watching the game.
A few hours later, it's half-time, and the guy is totally sloshed. He turns to the bartender and shouts, "Barkeep!"
The bartender sighs, being used to drunks, and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
"Will you give me a free beer if I bite my own left eye?"
The bartenter is again taken aback, as no man can have two glass eyes, can he?
"Sure, buddy. I'll give you a free beer if you can bite your own left eye."
The man pulls his false teeth out and bites his own left eye.

If you're American in the living room and American in the bedroom and American in the kitchen what are you in the bathroom?

-European!

... what?

Here's a classic blonde joke:
These two blondes are walking in a forest, when they see some tracks.
"What kind of animal leaves these tracks?" one asks the other.
"I don't know! Let's follow and find out."
So, the blondes follow the tracks for about a mile, when suddenly they hear a loud noise behind them. They turn around in terror...
and get hit by the train.

Another one:
A blonde is driving down the road, when she sees a young brunette woman hopping up and down on the side of the road, chanting "72... 72... 72...". The blonde stops, and gets out.
"Excuse me," she asks, "what are you doing?"
"I'm playing a game!" the brunette says, then resumes chanting "72... 72... 72..."
The blonde, in a blonde moment, asks, "Can I play?"
The brunette looks at her as she hops up and down on one foot for a moment before answering, "All right, but you have to play out there, I'm playing here." She points to the middle of the road.
The blonde moment continues.
"OK!" she shouts in joy, and runs out into the middle of the road and stops. She turns back and shouts "Hey! How do I play?"
"You just hop up and down on one foot and chant 72!" the brunette responds and resumes her chanting.
The blonde nods and begins to jump up and down on one foot while chanting "72! 72! 72! 7-"
A bus hit the blond! The blonde is instantly torn in half, her corpse flying everywhere! The road is showered with her blood! The bus screeches to a halt, the driver jumps out, looks around, then gets back in and drives away.
But that brunette... they say she's still there, still hopping on one foot... still chanting...
"73... 73... 73..."

-A classic.

Look at the words he put in bold. It first says the guy bets that he can bite his own LEFT eye.

Then it says, after he's drunk, that he would bite his own LEFT eye (again) for another free beer.

He doesnt need 2 glass eyes to bite his own left eye twice...

2 nuns are driving a car down a road in Transylvania on a dark and stormy night, when suddenly, a vampire jumps onto the hood of the car.
The driving nun screams at the other "Quick! Show him your cross"
So the second nun pops her head out the window and yells "Get off our car you toothy git!!"

****, you're right. I've been telling that joke that same way for about 13 years now, that's the first time I've typed it that way.

-Hell, make it Right. It says he ends up biting his own right eye, so whatever.

[QUOTE=Glyde Bane]Can't say I do. Explain in spoilers :p[/QUOTE]

Ha, I get it (I've heard it told a little different) but I won't explain, that would be spoiling, ay bearded_jarl?

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butt! er! O h my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful, CAREFUL. I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."


oh and..

A day at the office

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady. Standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her "Your hair smells nice."

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."

and the irish...

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night?

She said "Aye, did ye now, And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself....You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.

cant remember more...

Bill Brasky can hit a backhand in pong.
Bill Brasky's penis has a toenail on the end of it.
Bill Brasy went public with his own buttocks and made $20 million.
If you put a phonograph needle to Bill brasky's nipple it plays the Beach Boys "Pet Sounds".

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

-Scientifically proven to b the funniest joke in the world.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a drink."

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not "kick the **** out of him."
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-A- Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yea God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[ROFLigion.]

Those are great, Homicide.

Billy and Bob are out in the wilderness camping. Billy strolls a little way from the camp to take a leak, he unzips his fly, flops it out, and BAM! snake bites him right where you would want it the least.
Bob calls the poison control, tells them about the snake bite, and gets a description of Billy (through various gasps for air and cries of 'oh god oh god')
The poison control guy says "OK ok, don't panic, theres still time. But I'm afraid your going to suck the poison out or he'll die in the next ten minutes"
Bob is stunned, he turns to Billy, white-faced and dumbfounded.
Billy let's out a scream and then demands that Bob tell him what the poison control person said.
"Billy" says Bob "It's bad news... you're going to die in 10 minutes"

wow

What's big, green, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pooltable.
It's funny because you wouldn't expect it to even be in a tree.

What's worse than a worm in your apple?
The holocaust!

Two muffins are in an oven, baking.
One muffin says to the other, "Boy it's getting hot in here, huh?"
The other muffin responds "HOLY **** A TALKING MUFFIN!"

A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.
The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

And finally, some one-liners.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

The candle factory in my town burned down on saturday. Everyone stood aruond singig "Happy Birthday".

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

The icecream truck in my negihborhood plays "Helter Skelter".

A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has.

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

A computer beat me at chess once, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...

How young can you die of old age?

bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

I have a box of powdered water. I never know what to add.

I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

I locked my keys in the car the other day. But it was alright; I was still inside.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds *amazing*.

I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

I think it's wrong that the game Monopoly is made by only one company.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but ice cubes went up my nose.

I want to get a full body tattoo of myself, only bigger.

I was an only child....eventually.

I woke up one day and everything was replaced with an exact replica.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

-Steven Wright is t3h funnay.

These 4 win, especially the 3rd and 4th.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

So I was ****ing this chick yesterday when I pulled my cock out and stuck it up her ***. She turned around and said "Isn't that a bit presumptuous of you?" and I just responded "Isn't 'Presumptuous' an awfully big word for a 12 year old?"

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.
God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?
The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

Guy walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic and his lifestyle is affecting his health and his family.
Anti-humor, folks.

Stock Brokers discuss Bill Brasky

Bill Brasky's funeral

My son looks up at me and says,
"Dad, what's a deviant?"
I look down at him, and say,
"Shut up, and keep sucking!"

Two farmers are in a field.
First farmer points to a tree and says, "See that tree? That's where I lost my virginity."
Second farmer says, "Yeah? Was it good?"
First farmer says, "Yeah, till her mom showed up."
Second farmer says, "No way! What'd she say!"
First farmer says, "Baaaaaaaaaaa."

Hey, what do guys with big dicks eat for breakfast?
I didn't think you'd know.

One evening a convenience store worker was sitting around waiting for a customer. At midnight the doors swung open and a duck walked in. “Do you have any duck food?” the duck asked.
“No we don't got any duck food,” answered the clerk.
“Okay, thanks anyway,” said the duck, and walked out.
The next evening at midnight the doors swung open again, and the same duck walked in. “Got any duck food?” he asked.
The clerk is a little annoyed. “No! We don't sell duck food!”
“Fine.” the duck said, and walked out.
The third evening at midnight the doors again swung open and the duck waddled up to the counter. “Got any duck food?”
Now the clerk is getting angry. “No” he yelled. “We don't have any duck food! We didn't have any yesterday we don't have any today and we wont have any tomorrow. And if you come in here again and ask if we have any duck food I'll nail your little webbed feet to the floor!”
The duck turned and walked out the door.
On the fourth evening at midnight the doors swung open again and the duck slowly walked in. “Got any nails?” the duck asked.
“No we don't got any nails,” answered the clerk.
“Well then ...” said the duck, “got any duck food?”

A man walked into a bar and ordered three shots of Scotch whisky, which he quickly drank one after another. When he finished the last one, he ordered three more. The bartender said, "You know, that isn't good for you."
"I know," the man replied, "particularly with what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender asked.
"One dollar."

You know how I know you're gay?
Your dick tastes like ****.

You know how I know you're gay?
You shave your balls.

You know how I know you're gay?
You shaved my balls.

You know how I know you're gay?
You liked it when I ****ed you in the *** when we first met.

You know how I know you're gay?
You gave me a reach-around when you ****ed me in the *** when we first met.
(well that's just good manners)

A blonde comes home from kindergarten one day. She walks up to her grandmother and says, "Nana, I noticed something weird today."
"What was it, sweety?"
"Well, I was in the bathroom with the other girls, and I noticed that they all have flat chests, and I have big round boobs. Is it because I'm blonde?"
"No dear, it's because you're 24."

What's the difference between pink and purple?
Your grip.

Why do scots wear kilts? Because goats can hear zippers.

A man goes to see Mel Gibson's new movie, The Passion of Christ, and is
inspired to take his family to Israel to see the places where Jesus lived
and died.
While on vacation, his mother-in-law dies. An undertaker in Tel Aviv
explains that they can ship the body home to Wisconsin at a cost of $10,000
or the mother-in-law could be buried in Israel for US $500.
The man says, "We'll ship her home."
The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and
we can do a very nice burial here."
The man says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three
days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is
attacked by a vicious Rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge
it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and
stopping its attack.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
interview the boy.
" Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal ..." he starts writing in
his notebook.
"But, I'm not a Bruins Fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said the reporter
and starts again.
" Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack ..." he continued writing
in his notebook.
"I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said.
"I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox. So,
what team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in
his notebook and writes:
" Little ******* from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet. "

A small-town minister and deacon get together one Saturday afternoon for lunch. After eating, the minister says to the deacon, "I'm really upset. Someone stole my bike last night."
The deacon says, "That's terrible! I can't believe that someone in our small town would do something like that!"
The minister replies, "I know, but I don't know what to do about it."
The deacon says, "You know what? Everyone in this town comes to church on Sunday. Tomorrow, why don't you give your sermon about the 10 Commandments? And when you get to 'Thou shalt not steal,' really get into and drive it home. Hopefully, the person that stole your bike will feel so guilty that they'll return your bike to you."
The minister thinks that's is a pretty good idea, and agrees to do just that.
During the following morning's sermon, the minister talks about the 10 Commandments, gets to the 'Thou shalt not steal' Commandment, and proceeds through it without any particular emphasis on it.
After church is over and the congregation has all left, the deacon comes up to the minister and says, "What happened? I thought you were going to hammer on the 'Thou shalt not steal' Commandment!"
The minister replies, "I was, I was! But when I got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my bike!"

Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

Why is Helen Keller such a bad driver?
She's a woman.

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”
The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”
The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
One, if you give him some shingles and wait long enough.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday
evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that
read as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the
Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You
being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54
many more times than 54 goes into 18.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's daddy," says Bob, "is mummy near the phone?"
"No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an uncle Frank,
honey!"
"Yes I have, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mummy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to mummy and uncle
Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I
did what you said, daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window
and now she's all dead."
"Oh my god... And what about uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and
he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have
forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he
hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? Is this 333-0671?"

A man is out in a boat on a lake fishing with his priest,

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The bartender saunters over to him and asks him what he wants to drink.
"3 double whiskeys, fast."
The bartender, with all his skill and experience, lines the man up with his drinks, takes the money, and walks off to serve someone else. On his way back down the bar, he sees the man's already polished off each of the drinks.
"You finished those pretty quick," the bartender says, "What'll it be this time?"
"3 double whiskeys, fast."
Once again, the bartender gets the guy his drinks. Right in front of him, the man downs each one in quick succession.
"So, what's the occasion?" the bartender asks.
"I just had my first BJ," the man replies.
"Congratulations! Here's another double whiskey, on the house."
The man gets up to leave.
"No thanks," he says, "if the first six didn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

A guy walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Sorry.

A man is on plane headed to Madagascar. He is smoking a large cigars which is disturbing the woman next to him.
She has a large squawking parrot on her shoulder. The woman and the man begin to argue. The woman tells the man that his cigar is extremely gastly and the man replys by telling her that the parrot on her shoulding is much too loud and annoying.
After much arguing a flight attendant gets fed up with the conflict and throws the cigar and the parrot out the window.
The man and woman are mortified and look out the window to see the parrot flying next to the plane. And what did the parrot have in his mouth?

-The brick.

it's very late here.

but..


what??

(brick? dont get it.)

Not that funny, but here's a somewhat funny story.

Last night I was watching the Professionals with my uncle and dad. My uncle was toasted, and when Lee Marvin asked how they were going to get the chick out of Rozza's camp, my uncle spoke up and said "Disguise her as an elephant!" and I blurted out "Then change your name to Hannibal and ride her over the mountains!"

I've never seen my uncle laugh so long, nor have I ever seen him cry he was lauguhing so hard.

Funnier if you were there.

TEH BRIK FRO HIS OTHER JOKE

The parrot grabbed it

omq spoilerz u jerker.

<3 I'm going to use that sometime

Better than using it is spoiling it.