"You live and you learn... I guess if you are killed you don't have to worry about the learning part..."
-My Dad

"Roses are red, violets are blue, you slept with him, now you're buried somewhere in the desert of New-Mexico."

By Ishi, if memory serves.

Skill is tightrope walking across Niagra Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago.


If anyone can tell me what that second one means, you get a piece of cake.

I'll pull out my favorite:

God save us from an Earth in which all men are the same. God save us from a colony where that is the goal, or a culture that assumes that for its norm. Give me a thousand people speaking different tongues, worshiping different gods, and dreaming different dreams, and I will make of them a greater nation than you can make with ten thousand of your gengineered duplicates. For mine will have the spark of greatness in them, while yours live for conformity, worship mediocrity, and take their carefully modulated delight in predigested dreams.

- Reigning in Chaos: the founding of Guera Colony
(Historical Archives, Hellsgate Station)

-C.S. Friedman, "This Alien Shore"

I've thought about it before. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with not being able to change fate. It's basically saying that even if you know everything about NOW, fate was still set in stone (cooked) a long time ago. That's how I interpreted it, anyway. I could be way off though. I forget the rest of the dialogue in the Stargate episode that was in, and I bet that would help a lot too.

New Mexico does not contain a dash.

I didn't make the image.

Damn. I guess it isn't funny anymore.

"Stephanie? Um, no thanks. She's probably got more diseases than a European sewer rat."

- a friend of mine.



"Roses are red, violets are blue. I have genital herpes, type two."

- Johnny Cunningham, another friend of mine.



"I'd hit that! I'd hit that! I'd hit that!"

- PSP squirrels

MORE BILL HICKS!

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
...what the ****?

From long ago, someone I knew at school. Not so much the words as the delivery that was funny

And while playing JK, Zack grabbed a donut and the camera rotated around Kyle doing his idle animation...
"Ponder what you will, Katarn, you don't have doughnuts"
-Zack, my roommate next year

"Crap muffins, poop heads, and flying pajamas!"
-Zack

"Holy buttmuffins and monkeys with their pants inside out"
-Zack, yet again

Me: What about a one tentacled octopus?
Zack: That's not even a creature -- that's an oversized sperm cell

A myspace survey asked for one's worst injury, and this was one response:
"I ran into a wall and a tooth went through my lip, I cracked my head open, I poked myself in the eye with a coat hanger... damn, I was a stupid kid and not much has changed"
-Scott, my roommate from this past year

Scott: I'm just glad I'm out of Pritchard
Torria: lol. That place is wierd. Even the roaches die there.

"Wow... that is hotter than a fat guy's underwear."
-Michelle(?), a friend of a friend of mine

"Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously." - G.K. Chesterton

He said THAT?

RALLY THE TROOPS! And by that i mean...

GET YER PITCHFORKS!

Ohh! I know this drill!

This is what we did when I got a virus email that claimed to be from madaventor's address (memories)

uncyclopedia, silly boy

Oh, don't you worry. The rest of the dialogue goes something like:

Monk: If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago.
Daniel: Yeah... see.. the thing is.. I have no idea what that means.

"You must learn to control your anger or-"
"Or my anger will control me? That's what you were going to say, right?"
"... not necessarily."
-Mystery Men

-Hey, my friend and I can't seem to accurately place this precise quote: "There is no good or evil. There is only power, and those too weak to use it." The consensus so far is "in a Harry Potter movie or something."

Google seems to think you are right: It's Professor Quirrell's line to Harry Potter. It's an interesting line, and moreover so because I also remembered it, even though I'm not really a HP fan, and haven't even read the books, only watched the movies.

Indeed, because I made it.