Originally posted by Jarl:
Oh trust me, that can REALLY backfire on ya.
I was gonna search for this long account of my... "experiments"... but I can't find it, so I'll give you the short version.
I was experimenting with lubricants that could be found anywhere at anytime for any use, if you know what I mean ( masturbation ). I tried, at various times, shampoo, which works great; toothpaste, which I thought would effervesce but only stung really really really badly on my penis ; tanning oil, which isn't so bad; actual proper sexual lubricant which I found in the laundromat at our apartment complex, which was pretty darn good but not as good as regular saliva ; and, uh, hair conditioner.
Er...
It had adverse effects.
My penis started to burn before I was finished masturbating . I went to sleep that night with sharp pain all over my groin . When I woke up the next morning, my penis was GONE. Seriously. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me. You see, my penis and balls had shrivled up, shrunk, and... like... fused together. The whole thing was covered in this thick orange skin. It was terrible.
Two weeks later, it started to peel. Keep in mind, this is two weeks in puberty during which erections were incredibly painful, as was sweating and other wonderful things. Well, when it started to peel, huge chunks of skin would come off. It was the worst two days of my life.
Sure looked nice afterwards, though.
-I'm sorry... was that too much information?
I was gonna search for this long account of my... "experiments"... but I can't find it, so I'll give you the short version.
I was experimenting with lubricants that could be found anywhere at anytime for any use, if you know what I mean ( masturbation ). I tried, at various times, shampoo, which works great; toothpaste, which I thought would effervesce but only stung really really really badly on my penis ; tanning oil, which isn't so bad; actual proper sexual lubricant which I found in the laundromat at our apartment complex, which was pretty darn good but not as good as regular saliva ; and, uh, hair conditioner.
Er...
It had adverse effects.
My penis started to burn before I was finished masturbating . I went to sleep that night with sharp pain all over my groin . When I woke up the next morning, my penis was GONE. Seriously. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me. You see, my penis and balls had shrivled up, shrunk, and... like... fused together. The whole thing was covered in this thick orange skin. It was terrible.
Two weeks later, it started to peel. Keep in mind, this is two weeks in puberty during which erections were incredibly painful, as was sweating and other wonderful things. Well, when it started to peel, huge chunks of skin would come off. It was the worst two days of my life.
Sure looked nice afterwards, though.
-I'm sorry... was that too much information?
First off, that really made me laugh given my drunken state. Second, I think he was literally talking about soften the hair.