And the problem won't magically go away when she turns 18, or 20, or 25, or 40. It'll will only change if the daughter asserts her independence.

hey, you know as long as she's not homophobic, that idea may have some merit

[edit: that one was to Ruthven]

Are you kidding me? When I was 16 if I had tried to "assert my independence" my mother would have said "Fine. Be as indepent as you want. Clearly, you being dependant on me for food, clothing, shelter and medical bills is getting in the way of your independence"

Granted, my mom's not anywhere near as unreasonable, and our situations are clearly very different, but still. He needs an ally within the house, loosing the father as such would be the wrong thing to do. Trying to say "I'm an adult now, I can take care of myself" sounds like a petulant teenager, which is what we want to prove she isn't. Gain the father's trust, keep him as an ally. You life, or at least your relationship with her, will be much easier if you do. If either of them oversteps their bounds in their quest for independence, the father will immediately take the mother's side because it will almost prove that she was right all along. It's not fair to put the girl in a situation where her relationship with her father is in jepardy, since he's the one that she seems to love and respect. If you do decide to try to assert your independence, tread very, very carefully, because there is a thin line that will be hell to cross.

erm, wow I really didn't mean to sound that melodramatic, how about I sum it ll up. When trying to assert independence, tread carefully, it's dicey.

Exactly.

Oh, for sure. As long as you're still relying on parents for money, there's only so much you can do. But, at the same time, a controlling parent isn't going to let your financial independence get in their way.

not likely.. 2 cartons would equal 400 cigerattes.. on average I would say it takes 5 minutes to smoke 1 cigarette. If you smoked cigarette after cigarette it would take your about 33 hours to smoke 2 cartoons, which is more than 1 day.

I have to agree with sugarless. If it seriously can't be solved any other way, we'll take the approach of asserting her independance seriously. SHE wants to do that already, but I'm warning her to have some caution, because we WON'T win if we don't play by her rules. And I REALLY don't want to make an enemy out of my girlfriend's mother. At all. Ever.

Oh, and he smokes about 2 cartons a day. Probably 1 and a half plus/minus some.

And WHY is it amazing that I believe in sex after wedding? I don't want to have a kid when I'm not going to be with the person I love. I realize sex != baby, but I'm overly cautious, and I really don't see a point in growing up any faster than I have to. I can get my rockets off the ground without risking having a baby, an she can EVEN be in the same room. I see the NEED to penetrate a little childish, and somewhat characteristic of male control issues.

Don't threaten power.

Your dad is in trouble.

I don't think it's amazing.

lol I think they're talking about the fact that everyone (that I know of) believes in sex after marriage, fewer people believe in no sex until then.

Anovis - very machievellian way of looking at it. Very valid way of looking at it, and I obviously agree, but that amused me.

i dident read the whole thread so i dont know if this has been suggested before.

what if you and your gf went to her mom and told her that you wernt haveing sex, when she doesnt believe you, ask her if you could get protection (condoms, birthcontroll) through her. not that your having sex, but so that if you and your gf considered it, that you would have thoes options available to you. i know that there are plenty of ways of getting these things on your own, but maby allowing her mother to think that she is controllign the situation like that might make her shut up/ give her a project to work on. after all, she will believe what she wants to believe, dispite what is true.

(edit: you problly could carry this as far as you had to, ie: getting contraceptives from her and not usuing them; or even usuing them if you wanted)

You don't find that a little anal? I'd think she'd HATE to hear me say "But we'll take condoms anyway!"

it was just a suggestion...

better safe than sorry

I see where you're coming from. I don't think it'll work for this particular mother, but I can definitely understand the thought process there.

She's almost out of college, I think she can make her own decisions, personally.