I know, this isn't really the place to be posting this...again, but I can't help it. I feel to unbelievably angry - seriously, I have never in my life felt this kind of rage - and frustrated that I really don't know what to do exceot vent about it. I'm not really asking for opinions on this, because this is massassi after all, though I'm more than happy to hear them, but I know she wouldn't want be to tell this to people she knows, so I figure an anonymous forum where no one knows her it basically my only option left. Which means, Fish and Dud, that I would rather you didn't read it, as much as I adore you both, but if you do, please do not mention it to ANYONE.

I wrote about my friend who was in this relationship. The last I reported, for those who don't remember, here's a reminder:

Tony's absurdly jealous. She can't go to a club with her brother on vacation, she can't dance, she can't wear a miniskirt, she can't dance with anyone, she can't go to parties - he is extremely, and violently protective. Even sending her abusive text messages about how she's probably ****ing every guy around It came out that he cheated on her at school, so she gets angry and goes to a party with her girl friends at a guy's house she knows from high school. He see's a "james" in her recent calls list and flipps out and smashes her phone. they argue, I don't know what was said, but he tosses his drink all over her, she slapps him, he looks like he's going to hit her back, so she starts to leave, only to have him take her keys and drive off to his house with her car, key her car and throw her keys in the weeds, leaving her to walk to 7-11 to call me.

I can't remember the ins and outs of what all happened after that, but the next big event was this. He was not allowed at her sister's wedding. The guards were shown pictures of him to ensure that. We were sure that he would try something, so when the wedding and reception went off perfectly, we were pleasantly surprised. The next day, her parents had a pool party to celebrate the wedding, and that's when she finds out. He broke into her house during the wedding and stole her laptop, her diary, a box full of pictures and 2 bathing suits (he didn't want her swimming because there would be single guys there. in a wonderful show of backbone, she borrows her sister's suit which is too small for her) and he let the air out of her tires. He didn't actually break anything, he had the garage code, and there'sno proof, besides that she didn't want to to go the police.

wonderful part of this - while he was there, there was a 14 year old babysitting a 1 year old in the basement. Fortunately, she didn't hear anything, and nothing happened.

They broke up, and things were looking up, but then they freaking got back together recently. I cannot even fathom her reasoning, except that he's made her into a totally dependent person, and while she come back to life a little with me and our friend kirsten, he comes along and it's 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. It's like a sickness. Anyway - so most recent event, and why I finally lost it.

She was at his house for 4 days. Her parents finally managed to get her out, I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I know it was an ordeal, but the ****ing ******* actually hit her. He punched her in the eye. Black eye. I know, I knew it was going to happen, but knowing it's going to happen and having it actually happen are 2 different things. THAT ******* GAVE HER A BLACK EYE. And she was going to stay there, and anywhere away from home, until the bruise healed.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I was so, unbelievably pissed off that I immediately stormed off to take a walk outside, which of course, was pretty dumb, because it was dark out. Not to mention that I was wearing this rediclous spandex legging with gym shorts combination with my hair not brushed. Oh and that her parents were worried that Tony would think she came here and come after me. (He didnt', obviously, no worries) But still, I know, pretty stupid, but I couldn't help it.

Anyway, I heard about this because her parents called me up and told me about it, asking me if i knew where she went. I called her up (which was relief #1 she answered the phone for me) and I told her that she could come here and she just said that she wanted to get away from everyone, and so she's on her way to richmond to meet kirsten, which was another kind of relief, since it's far away from him. THat and she seemed pretty calm, if a little shaken up, which is good since her parents said taht when she left she was a wreck.

I don't konw what I'm hoping to accomlish by this, again, it's just that I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get it out there, that and I feel like I'm at my wits end. Like there should freaking be something I can do or some such, even though I know there's not really. And I know that last time a lot of people told me to let her see how far she can fall without us as her safety net - but guys, that's exactly what Tony tried to do - the first thing that guys like taht do. Isolate her from her friends and family. So not being there is exactly what he wants - this is according to her psychiatrist and her mother, who has been reading up on cases like this.

I don't know. What would you guys do? i'm usually pretty decent in a crisis, but I have to say taht my friends and I have lived pretty charmed lives. We've each had out problems, but nothing at all like this. So while I don't really think there's antything else I can do other than just making sure she knows I'm there, it just doesnt feel like enough. BAH! Thanks for listening, and if anyone here ever treats anyone like that, I swear to you, I will hunt you down. Um, yeah, thanks for the rant, I'm not so much explosively angry anymore as much as I'm just drained. And I need something to escape in, but I finished all of my books. Which is upsetting. okay. yeah. the end.

It's a really bad spot to be in, but there's nothing you can really do. Nothing is going to change until she decides she wants change. There are probably a lot of other underlying issues here too, sadly.

At first sign of physical violence, I would strongly suggest calling the police. I mean, wouldn't just go downhill from there even more violently?

Did she call the police?

Of course not, she still loves him

I swear, you'll get her just about to the point where she's going to do something about it and then go running back to him.

You mention she is quite "dependent" of this man. How so?

Even if you "cannot even fathom her reasoning", is there a core element that somehow lets her accept him into a relationship?

How the hell can she still love him? Why the hell does she keep getting back together with him? Because she's dependent on him? How is she dependent? Is she perhaps dependent on getting treated like crap by this monster? As much as I think this is all caused by him, I don't understand her.

family intervention?

"Hey (name)! We're throwing a party! Wanna come?"

*bam*door lock, talking time

Kill him.

Slowly.

I'm actually in favor of JG's plan - and if I thought I could take him on I completely would. Same with her parents. I mean, her mother is a force to be reckoned with, but she's only 4' 11", as much as she wants to run over there and kis his ***. And her dad really couldn't take him on either. I mean, they're not voilent people at all, but they're being pushed.

Anyway, so you who asked what I mean by dependent: He has some kind of hold on her that I can't understand, so I can't really go about breaking it. He was her first boyfriend and she did loose her virginity to him, so I can kind of understand some attachment, but of course it has to be more than that. By trying to isolate her, he's trying to make her dependent on him as well. I don't kow if dependant is the right word, btu I can't think of another. It's like his voice is now firmly inside her head, telling her that she's not good enough, that she causes trouble to anyone she knows, she's a slut, she's a liar, everything is her fault, etc... Even when she starts to make up her mind to lose him, she ends up talking her way out of it. And since he's so charming and seemed so wonderful when they first started dating, she can't get that part of the relationship out of her mind. it's almost like she's holding out for it to be like it was again.

Does Tony have a dad?

If that was my sister (being hit by a boyfriend) my dad would tear him apart.

As would I in fact.

Tony's dad is terrified of him.

Youch. In which case it would be police time.

(As in called for by Ton'y dad)

in my opinion, it's been police time for a long time. But I don't think that they'll be calling the police anytime soon. my friend's parents had to basically pull their hair to even get them involved in having her leave the house. They basically don't want to have to deal with him at all.

What's her dad like?

Then his anger will go unchecked, he will unleash it upon any unsuspecting person. And someone will be gravely hurt. Something has to be done for the sake of your friend and just about everyone else around him.

I love her parents. He's usually pretty levelheaded and very friendly, always wanting to impart his wisdom to you, no matter how much everyone rolls their eyes. In relation to the whole situation though? We'll they're both at their wit's end. He wants to kill Tony, but of course, isn't going to - mainly because he's no match for Tony, but also because I couldn't imagine him hitting anyone. If there is someone he would beat up though, Tony's the guy. He longs to smash his face in.

I agree, JG, but what on earth can I do?! I mean, it's only going to get worse, but without cooperation from his parents or from her, the police can't touch him, and he's not exactly a minor anymore anyway.

Ugh, I hate men like that. Reminds me of a storyline on Degrassi where the girl ended up in a coma because her boyfriend pushed her down too hard. It also reminds me of a Tool song...

But anyway, you have to make it clear to her that it's a bad relationship, and that she's confusing her 'dependance' on him for love.

Ok, her dad sounds nice. When did she start dating Tony?

the end of her junior year in HS - so over 2 years, since she's going to be a sophomore in college

There may not be much that you can do. He's got all the power because everyone's scared ****less of him. Convince one to stand up and perhaps they all will.

Police time definately comes to mind.

As far as anything else you can do, just give her a place to stay and give her your listening time without too much "I told you so," not that you would "I told you so," but you (hopefully) know what I mean. Let her vent, then try your best to keep her away from this creep. I can't stand a guy that will rough up a girl for no reason. If anything else, I wil drive to Maryland and kick his ***.

Yes. Another Massassian meet-up in Maryland, except, this time, in an angry mob form.

YES! I'll pay you. Hell, her parents will pay you!

Geb Smash?!?
Geb Pillage?!?
Fishstickz Accidently Killed In Pitchfork And Tar Accident?

In any case, you shouldn't be losing any sleep over this (if you are). As hard as it may seem, you have to become somewhat emotionally detached for the whole situation. As I think I said in the last thread on the topic, I've been a part of situation like this before, and even though I wasn't directly related to it, it was still possibly the worst 6-8 months of my life. This girl is going down, it seems, and while you can, and maybe should, help her as much as you can, you can't go down with her.

The police might be able to help, but there is a lot of red tape and other crap in the way. She kind of has to be the one to press charges or get a restraining order. Or at least that was the line I was always fed.

Anyway, good luck with it all. Not a fun place to be, for any of the parties.

Somebody need somebody whacked?

A bunch of nerds. Toy lightsabers. One hell of an attitude.

The guy sounds like one who gives the rest of us guys a bad name.
I think any dude who will hit a girl should be terminated with extreme prejudice.
Definitely sounds like a "meeting" with a baseball bat is in order. Or maybe a tazer.

There was a quote I read on these forums once. Can't remember it exactly, but it went something like, "There's no advantage that can't be overcome by surprise and a baseball bat."

But failing that, I think the police need to be involved. I don't know what it's like in America, but I believe over here the police can press charges without the victim's permission in situations like this.

That's disgusting, but she's sure as hell going to be stupider if this continues.

as the Maryland Mob advances with their lightsabers. Voodoo rallies the Ohioans . Maybe this mob might grow into an intergalatic Massassi coalition ready to help your friend all she has to do is say she needs help.

yeah it woulda been cop time a long time ago, but thats what hes done intimidated everyone to be afraid of his retaliation if you did anything. So how many people say if she did decide (or was persuaded) to press charges would be on her side? how many people would back tony up? doesn't sound like his own dad would. Look she allready has people who don't even know her ready take care of the *******. If it that she is afraid of what he might do or how is she going to be able to survive with out em, let her know she has people to back her up. sounds like you allready have professionals (her psychiatrist) that know about the situation I would think they know of places she could go and numbers she could call even if her friends and family couldn't help.

but this is the frustrating thing as said before sometimes you can't intervene unless they say they need it, unless you think they are about to harm themselves or others, in this case we know that Tony already has caused harm...time to be calling some authorities.

I would first pray, also I would try to get any evidence, video, tape recordings.... something done without their knowing. If you go to the police i doubt she'd be willing to admit all the wrong and probably would defend him. Then report your evidence to the police. Yeah, i'm a snitch, but i hate evil :p

Ah. Yet another who doesnt know about my personal pitchfork / trident energy shield. This works well into my plans.

This sounds like a problem that can be easily solved with a liberal application of violence.

Doesn't this girl have any male friends who can stand up for her? I mean, I think that any kind of physical confrontation should be absolutely the last resort, but in some cases it's the only way to go. Because some people are too dumb for their own good. Much unfortunately.

find a tough aids riddled giggalo and pay him $5 to rape him.

[QUOTE=Mr. Stafford]find a tough aids riddled giggalo and pay him $5 to rape him.[/QUOTE]And then when he rapes her, she gets it.

lesson learned

edit: emphasis - why would she still be around? he has the aids!

Speak to a police officer and a lawyer to determine what needs to be done. Every second you waste on Massassi is another second your friend could be getting her face busted in.

[QUOTE=Mr. Stafford]edit: emphasis - why would she still be around? he has the aids![/QUOTE]Because sharing an STD will bring them closer together, and maybe he won't have to hit her anymore!