to MentatMM: well no, now she's a somewhat safe 2 hours away from him. I think, that's where she said she was going anyway. But her parents have talked to the police, and as long as she doesn't want to do anything about it, they can't help.

haha, aids can solve any problem.

No offence, but your friend should have her head checked.

assuming the guy is the first one to have sex with your friend, i find it simply amazing how clingy girls get after giving it up.

Love is like sand.

Sand can blind you.

And sand can tell you when your relationship is up in an hourglass.

rotlfmaobaffles

Oh my, truly blinded I would say. But like others said, not much can be done until she wakes up and realises that that man is no good for her and that she's better up leaving him. But she is the one that has to do the waking up still.

But the human heart can be weird like that, once fallen for someone they can be the most abusive jerks around, they'll just cling on to them in the idle hope that they'll improve or that they can possibly help them and bring back the person they fell for. Or something like that.

Even I want to take a sturdy plank to this guy, and I don't know anyone involved. Considering the circumstances, I would think you'd be able to find someone who's just itching to put Tony in his place and could do it.

That would require telling people what's going on though. Telling an anonymous forum where noone knows her, nor will they probably ever know her, is one thing. Telling people she knows isn't something she would apreciate too much, but there are several people who are about ready to up and kick his ***. the problem being that most of them are girls, since he told her she couldn't hang out with her guy friends anymore. She didn't obey that implicitly, but she's still not very close to her remaining male friends. Not enough for them to know about any of this anyway.

Part of me thinks that they ought to know no matter what she thinks about it, and that she lost the right to try and handle this situation herself when she decided to start being stupid. Blunt, I know, but it describes the way she's acting.

Then again, that's probably just the part of me that thinks the only appropriate solution to this problem is one that involves violence.

Several people have suggested the police, and if she won't call them, and Tony's dad won't call them, anonymous tips happen all the time. If you can get some proof, and call the police...

....the police won't do anything, because she won't press charges.

Nobody knows she won't press charges if someone else involves the police. Sometimes all it takes is a little push to get the ball rolling. I would call the police on her behalf, and leave the rest up to her.

The problem with that idea is the possibility that they call the police, she still refuses to press charges, goes back to him, and gets a second, more-severe beating. This can't happen unless she wants it to.

how about this option?

They keep dating.

They marry.

She becomes a spineless, submissibe wife to an obnoxious womanbeater.

During there 40s sometime she gets pissed off and stabs him 40 times with a large kitchen knife.

*shrug*

well I wouldn't mind that last part if the rest didn't come with it

hah, twas only a joke, but really, it happened near to my house, the man was found with 40+ stab wounds.

Her story?

"he fell on the knife".

Seriously, for a story that ****ty she must have been at her wits end.

To get to the question of "what would you do?" I would attempt to convince the friend that she needs to drop Tony like the bad habit that he is. If she refuses to after a reasonable amount of prodding, I'd simply say, "Fine, **** it. Your life, your mess."

its cliche but..."no man is worth your tears (or her's) and the one who is, wont make you cry" I learned that one the hard way. tell her to ditch him. if a guy cant make up his mind or treats you bad, cut your losses early and get to packing, something better WILL come along. hope all works out

Eh...I was going to post something simular to this earlier, but I'd rather let things be. I agree with Wolfy. If she's dumb enough to stay after you do everything you can, let her learn the hard way.

Sometimes it's better that people do.

[QUOTE=Mr. Stafford]hah, twas only a joke, but really, it happened near to my house, the man was found with 40+ stab wounds.

Her story?

"he fell on the knife".

Seriously, for a story that ****ty she must have been at her wits end.[/QUOTE]

Nah, happens all the time.

Isn't there some way around this, legally? Hell, if I knew some guy was beating his girlfriend, I'd break into his house while he was out, turn his stereo all the way up, leave about a quarter pound of weed somewhere obvious, and then call the cops about noise ordanance violation.

And then pay off his bunkmate in the bighouse to take extra special care of him. In the butt.

And then you'll end up sitting in jail for breaking into somebody's home and framing someone for a crime they didn't commit, oh and for purchasing illegal drugs. Good job.

The first and foremost thing you must do when dealing with people like that is A) remain rational and B) don't step down to their level and thus C) stay on the right side of the law/justice.

[QUOTE=Pedro T Hutt]The first and foremost thing you must do when dealing with people like that is A) remain rational and B) don't step down to their level and thus C) stay on the right side of the law/justice.[/QUOTE]

The first and foremost thing you must do when dealing with people like that is beat them with something heavy.

[QUOTE=Michael MacFarlane]The first and foremost thing you must do when dealing with people like that is beat them with something heavy.[/QUOTE]
Being internet male like will not solve the crisis. Although, yes, it is probably much deserved that he be struck down to pulp, it will only land YOU in hot water.

You'd think the boy friend would have already done that by now. She's pretty dumb. Maybe this will teach her, maybe it won't. That kind of stupidity punishes it-self. If she doesn't pick up on this she's headed for some bad times.

*sigh* I know I really can't get irritated or blame you guys for calling her dumb based on the circumstances but I would appreciate it if you didn't, I mean she's not a dumb girl, she's just acting dumb about this. No, I really can't explain how someone with half a brain would stick with someone like that, but it's more psychologically complicated than that.

No excuse, I know but please, try not to call her dumb

What the-- how'd I get involved in this? <_<;; Don't get me wrong -- I'll fight the unbeatable foe, but there's nothing sayin' I'm going to win such a fight...

As for advice, my only input on the matter is the following:

1) There's got to be some case to be had here on your friend's ability to make her own decisions. It sounds like, at this point, there's a serious psychological case (understatement of the year) that could be proven that she is no longer in control over her perceptions, and behavior, on the matter, like hostage/kidnapper situations, or some form of addiction or something. Really, I can find no other logical explination to this (other than what's already been said.)

2) Again, what everyone said about the police and the like. She may not like it -- she'll have to deal. Any addict doesn't like being called out on their addiction and made to seperate from it (see above), but it has to be done if anything's going to change.

In other news, you (sugarless) need female friends who AREN'T in **** relationships.

There is, and congrats on being one of the first to see such a fact. The rest of you who keep saying "beat him up!" have been pissing me off for the past 3 days, and frankly, I would be willing to get banned again for telling you just how dumb an idea it is.

Well, the guy should really get the beating of his life too, but that isn't going to solve anything except make us feel better.

And it'll force him, an abusive male (who tend to be that way for power and self-esteme issues), to realize that people around him are now aware that he's a d***, which, come on kiddies, what happens when you corner an obsessive butthole with low self-esteme? That's right! They take it out on those they're not affraid of! (i.e. this friend of Sugarless)

her parents are actually considering having her locked up somewhere.

And Geb - I do need friends who aren' in **** relationships, and I have some, just not as many as I would like, and thankfully, nothing else like this.

Beating him up would be both incredibly satisfying and unbelievably stupid.

(ps - how dorky is it that I'm using the internet from a library at the beach? yeah, that's what I thought)

Pretty dorky. You make all of us Massassi junkies proud!

I guess I have to give you credit now too... bah.

as a little update - she's been missing for 5 days. Her mom tried to track her ATM card and the last transaction was on friday, tony says she's not with him and her phone has been off for the whole time. Last time anyone heard from her was on friday when she called me. She was lost at VTech, which is his school, on his move in day and she wanted me to call tony because he wasn't picking up for her. When we got off the phone, she promised me she was going to make the 4 hour drive back to Richmond to stay with her friend again. I told her ot call me when she got on the road and that I would call her in an hour if she didn't. She didn't pick up and no one's heard from her since.

So she's missing.... that doesn't sound very comforting. Call the police?

done - she's 20 and she left willingly. Not calling your parents isn't a crime. Even if it's for 5 days

Disturbing.

Oh dear.

Can you think of any place she could be? Isn't there anyone she would go to in desperate times?

No, it's not a crime, but you could still look into filing a missing person report.

*tries sending the good vibes*

IN other news, why are you on the Internet and not enjoying your vacation?

just got back. The reason I was on the internet was that my friend went to the library to get books to read on the beach, so I popped online on their computers for a sec, and today as we were leaving she dropped in again to return the book.

And her mom has called the police, but they told her they couldnt' do anything