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☖ Forums → Discussion Forum → Your Funeral
12
Your Funeral
2006-08-27, 11:32 AM #1
Before anyone points out that we've had threads like this before, I'm very aware.

I have a simple question to ask. What would happen at your ideal funeral?

Personally I'd like it to be similar to some kind of broadway show finale, however as that's never going to happen I've deceided that I want Going Underground by The Jam played as my coffin is lowered. [I thought of this after a mishap happened when my mate was in the pub with a load of drunk glaswegians singing it, not know there was a funeral service next door. :P]

So, your funeral?
nope.
2006-08-27, 11:35 AM #2
massive amounts of kegs
"Nulla tenaci invia est via"
2006-08-27, 11:38 AM #3
Well, I would have made a farewell video where I speculate how did I die and perhaps remind people what have I done. Maybe.

And then... uh, lasers. My ashes would be in a jar which would have a speaker on its side, which would play stuff like: "I'M TRAPPED IN A JAR GET ME OUT" and then it is revealed that the jar is on a rocket which goes high up in the sky and explodes.

Or something.

I want to make some kind of a farewell video though. Involving lasers.
Star Wars: TODOA | DXN - Deus Ex: Nihilum
2006-08-27, 11:41 AM #4
I would cremate myself. The funeral would consist of burying the jar.

When everyone is done eating at the funeral party, a man will go up, as instructed in my will, in front of the guests and say, "He was a very good man, and we hope his spirit will live on in each of us. Let's give our last prayers." After a silence from the audience as they all bow, the man will then say, "You know what? Actually he IS in all of you!" The man will lift up a pepper shaker with my ashes in it, "I hope you all enjoyed your meals."
SnailIracing:n(500tpostshpereline)pants
-----------------------------@%
2006-08-27, 11:51 AM #5
I would have myself burnt into ashes. Then, I would have my family and friends spread my ashes all over the world.....even if it's illegal
"Oh my god. That just made me want to start cutting" - Aglar
"Why do people from ALL OVER NORTH AMERICA keep asking about CATS?" - Steven, 4/1/2009
2006-08-27, 11:56 AM #6
My ideal funeral would be one that doesn't happen.
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2006-08-27, 11:56 AM #7
Originally posted by Echoman:
I would cremate myself. The funeral would consist of burying the jar.

When everyone is done eating at the funeral party, a man will go up, as instructed in my will, in front of the guests and say, "He was a very good man, and we hope his spirit will live on in each of us. Let's give our last prayers." After a silence from the audience as they all bow, the man will then say, "You know what? Actually he IS in all of you!" The man will lift up a pepper shaker with my ashes in it, "I hope you all enjoyed your meals."


That's sick!
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2006-08-27, 11:57 AM #8
I would die the american way, and have a soldier's funeral.
Nothing to see here, move along.
2006-08-27, 12:14 PM #9
I would have a Zoroastrian funeral:

Four days after my death (to give my soul time to depart), my body would be taken to a high place outside of town and placed inside a tower of silence (a circular stone structure with no roof). There, the vultures and other scavenging birds would consume my flesh until only the bones are left. These will be interred in a pit inside the tower.
Why do the heathens rage behind the firehouse?
2006-08-27, 12:22 PM #10
My ideal funeral would be NOT HAVING ONE. I'd be pissed if anyone held a funeral for me. I'd prefer to go off into the wilderness to die and leave it at that, or possibly be cremated and spread around.
"it is time to get a credit card to complete my financial independance" — Tibby, Aug. 2009
2006-08-27, 12:28 PM #11
first and foremost I want to be cremated

2ndly I'd prob. have them play Frank Sinatra's My Way, and then just have people discuss whether or not I effected their lifes (hopefully in a positive way)
2006-08-27, 12:55 PM #12
Originally posted by Baconfish:
Before anyone points out that we've had threads like this before, I'm very aware.

I have a simple question to ask. What would happen at your ideal funeral?

Personally I'd like it to be similar to some kind of broadway show finale, however as that's never going to happen I've deceided that I want Going Underground by The Jam played as my coffin is lowered. [I thought of this after a mishap happened when my mate was in the pub with a load of drunk glaswegians singing it, not know there was a funeral service next door. :P]

So, your funeral?

Nothing i ain;t spending money on something im never gonaa use. Much less see.
2006-08-27, 12:57 PM #13
no freakin crying. you bastards all better get ****ing wasted and laugh about good times, and stuff.

oh and i want to be shot into space.
My girlfriend paid a lot of money for that tv; I want to watch ALL OF IT. - JM
2006-08-27, 12:58 PM #14
A big jazz parade through town escorting my coffin and then one hell of a drinking fest where every drink is downed with "To Sami!" and only my favorite music is played. I want people to have a blast at my funeral.
Yeah, you stay here and take life seriously. I'll go and have some fun.
2006-08-27, 4:58 PM #15
Strippers. Lots and lots of strippers. Oh, and bourbon. Lots and lots of bourbon.
2006-08-27, 5:10 PM #16
When I go I'm taking everyone else with me. Inside my coffin will be the doomsday device.
2006-08-27, 5:15 PM #17
I want the Feds to come in the middle of the service to claim my body for the Body Farm.
omnia mea mecum porto
2006-08-27, 5:29 PM #18
I want a good old fashion viking funeral. Everyone will be issued those cool horned helmits, and I'll be loaded unto a longboat filled with gold and set on fire.
It took a while for you to find me; I was hiding in the lime tree.
2006-08-27, 5:59 PM #19
Two words.

-Lethal Crossfire.
2006-08-27, 6:47 PM #20
"Once before I go" but be sung by a very attractive guy who's a great singer. with emotion. with tears. I don't even hav eto know him.
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-08-27, 7:31 PM #21
As far as I'm concerned, the only fitting memorial to my life would be a bunch of people having a good time. My funeral had better be a crazy awesome party.

And like MentatMM said, lots and lots of bourbon.
If you think the waiters are rude, you should see the manager.
2006-08-27, 7:43 PM #22
All I know is that if I'm murdered or killed by someone. My body will be cremated and put into gunpowder. The bullets that its used in would be used to exact my revenge on the person who killed me. Whoever kills the guy with the bullets gets everything in my will, or at least thats the plan.
2006-08-27, 7:58 PM #23
Moody funeral procession to the coast from the palatial statue complex. My cremated remains are placed in some sort of cannon and shot into the sun.
Cordially,
Lord Tiberius Grismath
1473 for '1337' posts.
2006-08-27, 7:59 PM #24
oh and there'd better be good food, it would hardly be a tribute to me if the food was crap. and an even better dessert
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-08-27, 8:00 PM #25
I like how your being threatening even in death.
"If you watch television news, you will know less about the world than if you just drink gin straight out of the bottle."
--Garrison Keillor
2006-08-27, 8:02 PM #26
of course! I want to stay true to my memory
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-08-27, 8:49 PM #27
Never gonna happen.
2006-08-27, 10:04 PM #28
I always wanted to die in a huge dogfight and then when my X-Wing gets blown up there won't be anything left of me.
So they'd put my belongings in a torpedo tube and shoot them off into space and salute.


Realisticly speaking I'll probably survive the X-Wing exploding because I'll eject and get sucked into the engines of a passerby ship, worst case scenerio.
2006-08-27, 10:24 PM #29
Why would ship's engines need to suck anything in?
2006-08-27, 10:34 PM #30
For dramatic effect since there isn't actually anything that they need to suck in being in space and all :psyduck:
2006-08-27, 11:09 PM #31
I would want them to play the video in which I explain how and why I suicidebombed the White House :v:
ORJ / My Level: ORJ Temple Tournament I
2006-08-27, 11:48 PM #32
I'm not going to die.


:confused:
2006-08-28, 1:57 AM #33
Originally posted by ORJ_JoS:
I would want them to play the video in which I explain how and why I suicidebombed the White House :v:



HAHAHAHA, Dutch activist!


Really, that was lame.
2006-08-28, 2:40 AM #34
Do any of you remember Andy's funeral from Doonesbury in the 80's? Anyone?

Well I think it would be nice to have a funeral like his. Record myself directing the service from my deathbed, introducing the eulogy givers, joking around a bit.

If I don't have a deathbed then my funeral will have some good old fashion keening and wailing and then a big cathartic explosion at the end.
Ban Jin!
Nobody really needs work when you have awesome. - xhuxus
2006-08-28, 2:44 AM #35
I want to attend my own funeral.

I'd seriously blow the cash to have a faux funeral that i could attend. The hard part would be convincing all my friends I'm dead.
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2006-08-28, 8:30 AM #36
I'm stealing my old camp counselor Keir's idea.
Die. Get cremated.
Have ashes baked into brownies.
Serve brownies out of open casket so people go "lol wtf".
Have cardboard cutout of the Grim Reaper on top of the casket witht he caption "Nice Try, Jarl."

-Only with my acutal name.
2006-08-28, 8:38 AM #37
i know exactly what my funeral will be.

Everyone will drink straight vodka and be forced to be sad and to cry.

They will drink straight vodka and be upset.

after that they drink straight vodka and go to some party.

then they drink straight vodka and go get drunk.

all the time they must be sobbing and feeling suicidal with their depression whilst drinking straight vodka.

as for my corpse, i want to be stuffed and put in someones front window.
2006-08-28, 9:18 AM #38
Jarl and Spe win.
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-08-28, 12:35 PM #39
All I'm gonna say is you all better be at my funeral. Yup.

OK, I lied. There better be partying at my funeral, like everyone else said.

Oh, and hire some random celebrity to come to my funeral, cry, and leave. The everyone will wonder if I knew the person or something. Or have a close-casket funeral and then BAM! Lights go out, spotlight on my body dropping down from the ceiling, then techno music as my dead body swings around. ....ok, maybe not, but I like ripping from stand-up comics.

Also, there should be lots of sexy ladies all sad that they weren't my women when I was alive. Yup.
The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
http://forums.theplothole.net
2006-08-28, 1:17 PM #40
And ofcourse there'd probably be a small room to the side where the entire story of NeS is read from start to current place by Stephen Fry.
nope.
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