Warning - this is a "wtf boys? huh?" thread - but the forum isn't updating fast enough for me so I figure maybe I'll give it a little life? eh?

okay so background: this guy I have a bit of a crush on, and he was definitely acting like he felt the same, yadda yadda yadda, but I had no idea what was going on, ebcause one second it would be like "There no way he could freaking be like that and not like me" and then there was the "Um...except maybe not" going on. then my friend had said that he didn't want a long distance relatioship but he efinitely liked me and I said "fair enough" but we're still pretty close friends. So tonight he was being all contemplative and we started discussing relationships.

me: well what you question are you pondering?
mike: the rest of college, future, and i want a relationship
mike: but not just any relationship
me: right
mike: and the whole college and relationship thing is conflicting not letting me solve either one
mike: gotcha there
mike: it seems like what i can have i dont want and what i wont let myself have i want
me: ?

(he didn't really say much of anything in response, but then)

mike: why are all the cool people so far away
me: because
me: haha the only remotely witty thing I had to say was "because god obviously hates you"
me: but I figured that wouldn't be very nice
mike: well thats fun
mike: i debating somthings
mike: something*
me: I tarzan, you jane?
me: what are you debating?
mike: how much to spill

(yadda yadda)

mike: i think about things to logicially so when i see the outcome of something not being good i dont even take the 1st step
mike: what i mean by that is if i know i am about to argue with a closed minded person that will not change their mind i dont argue with them
me: right
mike: so if i have a friend that i like but i dont think a relationship would work i dont try
me: I can understand that
mike: and as soon as i find a great girl she is my friend, and i dont push the envelope
mike: and i am not to good at cold starts
me: right
mike: and the couple of ones that have decided that they would like to persue me, i am not interested in them in that way
mike: and i cant seem to put myself in a relationship that i dont feel the same has her
me: um, you shouldn't
me: put yourself in that kind of relationship I mean
mike: i understood
me: gotcha
me: well just because it will only end badly in my humble opinion
mike: i agree
me: haha well I'm glad
me: but somehow I don't think that was all you had to say on the matter?
mike: that was me speaking in generalities
me: well I figured at much
me: since what you said was pretty much
me: general
mike: yup
me: haha alrighty
mike: i am trying to find me equal, the closest matches wont work
me: closest in what sense
me: ?
mike: someone i could see myself with
mike: their personality
me: so the people who are most like you won't work?
mike: or i wont give them a chance
me: dumbing it down even further then, you don't see people who are a lot like you working
me: correct?
mike: you think i look for reasons not to try
me: no
me: I'm trying to make sure I have it right is all
me: or that I'm understanding
me: there is no way I would be the hypocrite and accuse you of looking for reasons not to try
me: but was what I said correct?
me: that and do YOU think you look for reasons not to try?
me: now answer my questions beyotch!
me:
mike: well i dont look for reasons, they are jsut there
mike: and on the odd chance have been agrees apon

(yadda yadda)

mike: the biggest reason, distance
me: right
me: that always makes things rough
mike: i tried it once, got burned
me: I'm sorry
mike: there is not need for you to apologise
me: I obviously don't have any experience with that, but I'm told it sucks
me: haha fine, I am unhappy that you had an unpleasant experience
mike: bah
me: bah
me: yourself

(yadda yadda)

mike: dont worry, i am more venting then anything else
me: go for it
mike: i want to but i cant
me: can't vent you mean?
mike: yes
me: well it's obviously up to you
me: if I'm going to be blunt? honestly if I'm involved you can still vent
mike: i just suck at venting
me: mike, you need psychiatric help
me: how do you suck at ranting?
mike: because i am specail
me:
mike: that is why i am stuck looking for the right person so i have someone to rant to
me: haha
me: someone who won't say you need psychiatric help you mean?
mike: thats right you had me right up untill you said that
me: knew it!
mike: you are a good person steph
me: ahh well I try
me: haha
mike: it still irks me that you waited so long for your 1st kiss to be a jerk
me: haha
me: I think I'll survive

(then we went on to talk about frank sinatra and grey's anatomy and such)

okay so I'm having a double you tee eff moment. there's some debate over whether it's a "he can't like me like that" or a "I really like you but I just can't date you" situation (though I tihnk it's the former) and while it doesn' t matter much since the outome's the same, I'm still just a tad confused about what the hell just happened.

I wanted to say more but this is all that would come out. Maybe tomorrow. I'm tired. /_\

I don't think he'd be telling you all this if he wanted to go out with you.

tc;dr

(Too complicated, didn't read)

Naw, I read it, but I don't really know what to say. You seem to be okay with being blunt, so be blunter and just give him the WTF you're giving us :p

I know he doesn't, I just feel like something somewhat important just happened and I have no idea what the crap it was.

does it really matter "what happened" if neither of you are going to act on it?


definitly sounds like he wants you though

By the power of MSs autosummarize feature, I have come up with a condensed version of those chatlogs:

sugarless: Instead of giggling, hopping around like a giddy fool and speculating openly on whether or not he "likes you", perhaps one of you should make a move? Since this boy seems pathologically incapable of doing so, and has bluntly and openly told you such, I suggest this person be you.

Otherwise I would recommend that you continue mulling this subject by yourself via the traditional method of pulling petals off of a flower, because we know neither you nor him well enough to determine what can generally only be known through telepathy.

Pardon my harshness, but this is my least-favorite double standard.

He is admitting to wanting to have a relationship with you, but he doubts the stability of a long distance history, right?
He seems like a very analytical and indesisive person. First off, he needs you to make the first move, and you need to convince him that you are not going to be like his last experience. However, it is then up to you to make the long distance relationship work and remove his doubt. Overall, you are the one to take initiative.


You: Hey, I understand that you have doubts about starting a relationship, but, I just want you to know, I really enjoy being with you and want to be with you. You are a joy to me and make me feel so great... (yadda yadda yadda) Would you just give me a chance.

Him1: I really like you a lot. You know? I think we can make this work.

You: Woot!

Or

Him2: While I really like you and all, I just don't think that would work out.

//At this point you have a couple of options:

You: I promise things wont be like last time... (yadda yadda yadda). Please.

Or

You: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I still really respect you your decision. I would still love to maintain the close friendship that we share... (blah blah blah)

Him: Ok that's cool.




I think a lot like this guy. My wonderful, 7-month-and-counting girlfriend was in a similar situation before she asked me. Hah!

Hope I helped.
What will happen?! Find out next time on DR. PHILL Z!!!!!!!

it's not that I tihnk the girl can't ask a guy out! he knows I like him. he knows it very well, honeslty I've made itmore than obvious. At tis point I'm not even clear of his feeligns in general. But what I got out of that was a "sorry but it's not happening" vibe. but then other things made me go "huh?" so I'm going to let him make the decision. I'm not going to ruin a really great friendship by pushing it too much ad at this point I don't know what pushing it would be.

Oh oh oh, I have a fun game.

I'm going to spend a great deal of time trying to get you to assume something about me without me actually saying what it is. Ready?

Round 1: "Wow, no one said how nice my new hair cut looked today!"

Round 2: "Man, if you were trying to borrow money from a friend, how would you go about it?"

Round 3: "I like a girl, but I can't tell her that I like her. If a guy liked you, what would you say if he said so?"

I call it "Insechurades"

pffft, I'd like to see one person on these forums who isn't insecure, kirb.

That and every female I've talked to had the same reaction. "What just happened?" That's why I brought it here, apparently it's glaringly obvious to guys.

Ask him to stop using placeholders and vague references and generalizations. Ask him exactly what he means.

Notice how he keeps saying "But I'm just talking generally." Ask yourself why he keeps justifying himself like "ignore me, I'm just ranting."

He's justifying himself talking about these things because he needs an excuse to talk about it because he doesn't want to come out and say it. He's talking general because he's trying to not be too obvious but to give you a hint. He's beating around the bush because he's an insecure nitwit who doesn't understand human interaction.

"I like you, but I don't know if we can be together because of the distance. I obviously like you a lot because I have to tell myself that we can't be together."

I think the problem is that we feel like there's got to be a question or a request or some sort of segway to solving the issue included. That's what keeps us from putting it out there.

[edit]I'm possibly the least insecure person in the world. I'll try anything, do anything, and say anything. I am secure in knowing that I might not know or be able to do everything, but that there's no harm in trying. No one has ever called or considered me insecure. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying: Insecurity isn't universal.[/edit]

Alright - I'm not mincing words. - I am your best friend and (as you know) if I really wanted something (or someone) bad enough I would go for it - life is far too short to waste on confusing conversations - such time is far better spent on things like food, rollercoasters or making out. The only reason I wouldn't make a move (no matter the distance) is if I really didn't think it was worth it. Look - I know you're worth it and if he doesn't perhaps you should recommend some surgery to remove his head from his rectum! There are plenty of amazing guys out there who think you are worth any amount of effort needed and as your friend I am well aware of your ability to attract said amazing men. So stop pondering this - I suggest we do what we always do when confused or frustrated by the male sex - We resurrect our illicit affair with Ben and Jerry and spend countless hours watching movies where either lots of things get blown up or there are multiple graphic decapitations...something cheery like the Godfather or the Die Hard Trilogy...such things are timeless remedies ...just tell him to go and meditate on how stupid he was when you're with someone way better who appreciates your value from the onset

You are a beautiful person.

HAHAHA what happened to the yacht and beautiful babies, eh?

In short: more or less what the majority here have said. I'll be sending out the good vibes whatever the case.

Also, Milady wins.

Quoted for all the right reasons.

Counter-examples in this thread aside, I think I speak for most guys when I say: Hell, I don't know!

That guy is doing exactly what I would have done had I decided that long-distance relationships could actually work.

He's dropping the cues for you to act on, except girls never act on these cues, it's why I don't do it anymore.

Even if you think you've dropped enough hints you probably haven't. An insecure guy probably won't act on anything short of "I really like you". I've had lady friends who've exhibited every hint and mannerism in the book and have still turned me down. Both you and he need to understand that hints just don't work.

Ever look at the hints in the first level of a videogame? "Press C to jump". It's great advice, except by the time you're aware of the hint you've already jumped making it useless. Or worse, to get the hint you actually have to jump. This jumping metaphor is pretty good.

So why'd you kiss a jerk first?

i'm not reading all that, but my advice is: just screw him/her/it and then dumb him/her/it

Ignore him and go out with me, and Cavey, simultaneously. /chef

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Not that I've heard him, but Ruth does live in England, and American girls do seem to have an illogical absurdly-high turn-on for guys with certain English accents...

Also, Detty makes a good point with the hints and the jumping analogy, but I don't think that was news to you. You're just being giddy and forgetting your strengths.

Also-also, there's talk about problems with "long distance" here, but isn't he only, like, an hour away or some non-sense like that? I mean, it's not your golden 20-minute-or-less drive ideal, but really, if he's worth half his salt, he'll be visiting every damn chance he can get, high gas prices be damned. I know a couple where the guy drove from Annapolis to William and Mary like every other weekend, and I doubt Mike's drive is nearly that bad. I could be wrong though.

it's about 2 hours, a little more I think. You're right, Ruthy, what are you doing this weekend? got time for a flight to the US?

And I don't know what strengths you're talking about. I love me and all, but I border on mental retardation where flirting and the like are concerned

...hehehe... Come ON - You're not THAT bad! You tend to really shine when chocolate is involved - *cough*Lindt Guy*cough*

(though there have been some memorable moments...:D - your biggest problem is realizing when a guy is hitting on you...which also has led to some memorable moments...)

I said this before, and I reiterate with confidence.

Appear at his dorm / house naked and force yourself upon him. After that, let the chips fall where they may.

*scratches head*

Eh, if only I knew what sort of advice to give... but I don't know. =\

I seem to have the same trends as Mike here:

I can tell you, this is what has kept me single to this point -- uncertainty and hesitation.

I think this has been said already, but if you want a relationship with this guy, you'll probably have to be the one that starts it. If he's anything like me he probably won't make a move even though he probably really wants to.

I dunno, I might be speaking out of my rumpus for all I know. I'm still at 0 experience with this topic (though I've found that it doesn't really bother me)

Fish makes a good point... >.>

Milady: I'm sensing dumb blonde jokes arising...

milady: You were totally flirting with that Lindt guy!
me: What? I was not!
milady: Yes you were!
me: That's bull. I was flirting with the chocolate. He just got in the way.

i'm with most people in this thread in saying you should just openly blatently bluntly say "Dude, i totally think you're hot, and a really cool guy. make out with me"

'swhat i would do.

In my experience both guys and girls both spend way too much time beating around the bush, which is exactly what that guy is saying. He basically pulled a "Hey, I have something to tell you!.....*long pause*....Uh, I just wanted to tell you to have a good day!" If you don't make a move then probably nothing will happen.

I agree with Bobbert. Try making a move because this guy may never. Also, guys tend to be oblivious..even if you gave all the signs, if you haven't directly told him that you like him there's a really good chance he has no clue.

uhh... I think you should tell him that analyzing everything and thinking logically doesn't work with relationships.... lol Just tell him to follow his damn heart and the rest will follow.

My you have a lot of problems.

Read and obey

Hi! I'm Aaron (Yecti). I'm not insecure at all. Point made, game set and match.

But in response to your thread, he's saying "omg I like u but I r teh scared. what if things don't work? I <3 friendship" Seems rational and easy enough to understand. If anything, he sounds like a girl in that he cares about you if things go awry.

But you're Geek Squadian. You reek of nerd! :p

No no... Not nerd. Nerds don't know that they're nerds (and are inherently inferior). I'm a Geek. And contrary to popular belief, I'm a Geek with a life (as Yoshi and MB can attest to with my inability to commit to RTfM). Furthermore, I live with my girlfriend.

I like to consider myself well rounded. And cocky.