Warning [/color] post ahead, but I feel the need to vent, and this is the only place I'm almost certain she won't come across it.

Synopsis: all signs pointed to yes, but she said "no". What was the best weekend of my life turned out to be the worst.

Preface: there's a girl I graduated high school with - we'll call her Jenny. Jenny was always a pretty and smart girl, but I had off-and-on contact with her during the first few years of college. She started going out with my best friend, and, consequently, we hung out more frequently. I developed a little bit of a crush on her, but (and all indications point to that I succeeded) I managed to not let this interfere with our friendship or their relationship.

She had said that she had a crush on someone. I was one of two guys that she said she felt she could talk to - 50/50 chance, at face value, that I was one of the guys she had a crush on.

It should also be noted that I am almost phobic of physical contact with the opposite sex, beyond a friendly hug, for the simple reason that I've always associated such things with more intimately-acquainted people.

-----------------------------

Fast Forward to now:
Well, a month ago, Jenny and my best friend broke up. We annually all get together, get drunk, hang out, watch movies, etc., etc., and it occurred to me that, since they had broken up before this scheduled get-together (and, as the best bud was the host, she was no longer invited due simply to the awkwardness that such a thing would present), I may not get to hang out with her at all before I end up wherever it is that I end up working. I invite her and a couple of friends down to Columbia for rounds and more drinking. She and her friend from KC come down.

So, we hang out and do friendly things on Friday. Saturday, we have many drinks (three Fosters, 11 Coors, 2 pale ales, a couple of porters, and two shots of tequila for me). We end up dancing at 3 AM - nothing sexual. My arms are wrapped around her waist, my chin on her shoulder, and I was whispering sweet things into her ear. She gave me no indication that she wanted this to stop.

So, we decide it's time to crash. I pop the South Park movie into the DVD player, and we curl up on the couch, quietly whispering along to the songs as we sink closer to unconsciousness. She's got her head on my chest, her legs curled up in my lap, and my arm wrapped around her. She's holding my right hand, and I'm using my thumb to gently stroke the back of her hand. I rest my head against hers and close my eyes, trying to get to sleep. My back hurts, I can't get to sleep from the awkward position of my back, and I'm losing feeling in my left arm, but I couldn't be happier. I was in bliss.

We woke up about two hours later, and I offered the idea that we move up to my bedroom (nothing planned, but it'd just be more comfortable). If there was ever a chance for her to stop this now, this would be it. All she would have to say is, "I think I'll just sleep here on the couch", I would have gotten the message, and retired a bit saddened, but in a finer state than now.

She says, "Okay", and we both go lie down on my bed, snuggled together with my arm wrapped around her. I drift in and out of consciousness (I'm a little hungover) as I try to sleep, and she can't get to sleep. I give her a back rub (note: touchaphobe); she sleeps for a little bit, but keeps waking back up. My bed is against the wall, and she was on the side that was away from the wall, so there was absolutely nothing stopping her from getting off of the bed.

So, after all this, I'm 99% certain that she wants to go out with me. I decide to make it factual, though, and ask her out this morning. What do I get?

She's actually interested in the other guy. I'm "the best guy she knows" and it "just kills her that she doesn't like me more than a friend", and some additional general "let's just be friends, Mr. Nice Guy" bull****. I think it put me into a state of shock for a couple of hours, because I just said, "Okay." and continued on like nothing happened.

Now, I'm extremely pissed off and crushed. I felt like I've been played for no God damned reason. What the ****, *****? Why, during all that time, did you never say, "I don't want this to go this far" and simply tell me? Why lead me on like that when you're apparently interested in someone else?

I've temporarily (maybe permanently) removed her from my IM list just so that I don't have to talk to her and risk saying something I later regret. I'm fairly certain that this has done some permanent damage to our friendship, assuming that I have any interest in keeping the friendship at all.

Ugh.

On the bright side, her sudden decision to move from St. Louis to KC makes getting a job in St. Louis all the more appealing.

*manhugs*

Women like to have their cake, eat it too, but not have to pay for it. I love being intimate with my close friends, but I get peeved when it goes a little further, and it feels a little more special, and they just want to be friends.

A word of advice: Try to still be there, and be friendly, but build up a bit of a physical wall. Don't take her to bed with you. Don't play the big man in the snuggles. Mutual snuggles are the only thing you should afford her.

If she wants more than that, then you should ask her if she really DOESN'T have feelings?

PS: I had a very very similar situation a few years ago. It was my first real intimate relationship. We spent a whole week in Chicago, holding eachother, kissing eachother's cheeks and necks, holding hands wherever we roamed.

We get back home, and we're in the parking lot, and she says "goodbye." I give her my phone number, and don't hear from her for a year.

When she invites me to her wedding !?

Women suck.

That sucks. It made me think of this, which might make you laugh.


Ok, so it's not all that cheerful. Made me smile, though.

:(, sorry to hear that man.

Women aren't worth it. Don't feel bad.

I'm pretty sure this is a common occurrence among guys... it's happened to me and quite a few of my friends. I had been reeling over it for a while, but I promise you'll forget about it sooner than you think. I can't say she'll come back, but honestly, you wouldn't want to be with a girl that leads people on so easily.

My cousin did the same thing to my best friend (really awkward), and I asked her why she did it. She said she pulled the "I like someone else" card because she just didn't have the guts to tell him "no, I don't like you like that." There really was no other guy, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings. It might not be the same for you, but I think that's how the majority of girls feel.

I hate the Mr. Nice Guy bull****. Really.

it's true

haha pwnd.

but jokes aside, that suxbigtime

You should have went to place bets on the length of said marriage.

"Place your bets here! How long will this last! 6 mos! A year! Two years!?"

The lesson here is not to trust anything a girl does when she's drinking. Girls get drunk and horny and hook up with guys they have no real interest in. This happens because they're evil.

Now, this is not to say that you should trust anything a girl does when she's sober either. You shouldn't do that. But it's doubly true when they're drunk.

No one here has given you any advice on getting the girl. IGNORE THE HELL OUT OF HER. tell me what happens in a couple of days after following my advice.

I'd offer advice but it ends up in "watch porn or something" anyway. $_$

1. Sleep with her
2. Hide the body
3. ???
4. Profit!

99% of the time, if a girl tells you she has a crush on someone, it's not going to be the person she is telling. If you are the person being told, you are most definitely in the friend zone and there is no chance of leaving it.

It wasn't me she was telling; it was a second-hand piece of information.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Unfortunately, this is true. The Friend Zone is a tough spot to be in. You can get out, but if and when it happens you had better hope that things work out perfectly. Otherwise you've severed any chance of this girl having anything to do with you ever again.

http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=1779903

*manhugs*

Hey, don't worry, Wolfy. I mean, you've posted your picture and you're decently handsome. You just need to get out there and talk to more girls (to increase your prospects).

Also, here is picture of me:

Ouch, that sucks Wolfy. Same sorta thing happened to me with a girl I was dating over the course of a couple of months. We go out to a club together and dance and finish off the evening back at her place and everything seems to be going really well and then she damn well emails me that she wasn't entirely over her ex-boyfriend and couldn't carry things on. This guy is an arsehole of immense proportions. The main reason he was an ex was because he slept with her best friend. I saw her with him a couple of days later so at least I know she wasn't fobbing me off for some other reason, but jeez, why go back to such a ********?

Ignore her for a while and she will probably be so strung up about it she will develop feelings for you and you can shag her.

Then do the same thing to her.

Revenge; It stopped being right in kindergarten, but it's SO much fun.

heres an array of points i must bring up:

At least she was comfortable enough around you to sleep in the same bed. Some other guys wouldnt even get a second glance.

Whenever a girl you have a crush on, becomes single, we automatically feel theres a chance you can get with them. Why is that? false hope, forgetting that theres at least another 40 guys in the running, so chances of getting with her are about 40:1.

Wanting to talk to you about some guys she likes doesnt mean one of them is you, unless the converstaion commences whilst drunk and significant advances have already been made upon you (ie, inviting you out to the next city to get her nipples pierced and going for drinks later)

She's just one girl. While you may feel crap for a time, and you may not believe it now, but you will face this situation many more times in your young life. Some will end badly, some may end with sexing and relationships.

And some points to make you feel better:

1. She's probably a beetch, and from what you just said, she sounds a bit manipulative, so good riddens.

2. In a few weeks time you may randomly meet someone new, some better.

3. I'm experiencing something rather similar, if not worse. And I'm coping fine, by sleeping more, drinking alone, and playing violent games and music.

4. There's more important things than women, even if you hate being single. Its widely known taht drinking and hanging out with buddies is MUCH more fun than a night in with a girl (well it can be)

5. Relationships, even with a girl you really like, may not last, and even if it did, it wont be fun all the time.

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

I have way more fun hanging out with my girlfriend than with any of my other friends. So yeah, relationships are the best thing ever>.>

Greenboy snuggles with his girlfriend's little sister.

I should note that one of the reasons it's so especially crushing is that she and I had been friends since before middle school - almost 10 years now. I just thought she would have considered my feelings a bit more than she did.

Haha, that is exactly the same situation I'm in. That did make me laugh, good one.

like I said, probably a b*tch.

So why would you wanna be with her?

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Wow, I'm really sorry Kirby.

And for you Wolfy, don't let it get you down. I've been in a similar situation once and it all works out in the end, and you usually find someone better than what you had.

:downs:

You are kidding, right? You could spend the next 20 years wallowing in agony, and she couldn't care less. Your feelings are the farthest thing from her mind.
Not only do nice guys finish last, but they usually get their tires slashed a few times along the way. Take this for the life lesson that it is and move on.

Well, you need a life to know a life lesson.

No, my girlfriend likes me because I am nice

To defend the girls out there: guys do this as well. I had a huge crush on my best friend, he broke up with his gf, we cuddled/made-out and then nothing. I finally brought it up and he said he didn't like me that way. Then he proceeded to tell me about how hot all my other friends are. (We're still friends, actually. And my innate female senses tell me he likes me. I probably have the chance to do what he did to me...but I won't.)

As for the "Nice Guy" thing...I have a bit of an issue with that. I know a lot of guys that have liked me more than a friend, when that's all I saw them as. If I told them right out that I didn't like them that way, all of a sudden I was the bad guy and I didn't like "nice guys." I've heard the stupid "nice guy" speech so many times. Not to judge, but I've found the guys that usually call themselves "nice guys" are just the opposite. (I had to rant about that.)
...

Oh yeah, so as for the girl...maybe instead of ignoring her, just talk to her about how you feel? I mean, ignoring her works great too - especially if she's moving...but you've known her for 10 years? Seriously...just try talking to her. After all the hurt my friend put me through, I would have regretted not being friends with him any more. He's still my best friend. Sure, after that whole fiasco, we didn't talk much and it actually really did help that he goes to school in California...so the distance kind of helped our friendship.

I'm rambling. Basically all I'm saying is: talk to her about how you are feeling. (Girls love that stuff.)

thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou

I wanted to say something and didn't want to start something. a) Just because a girl may like nice guys doesn't mean she wants to date every nice guy around, and b) Yeah, some girls go for jerks, and some guys for high maintenence, manipulative women. Yes, there is another kind. (I also agree that at least half of the "nice guys" out there really aren't)

And I deleted my earlier post about this but a friend of mine lead me on because he was trying to use me to get over his crush on my best friend. Didn't work and we're still pretty good friends, but you know, it happens to both genders.

Now that I have that out though, I really am sorry, and I hope things get better, whether you guys patch things up and become friends again (with the least amount of awkwardness possible) or if that's not what you guys decide to do, you find someone who actually deserves you.

My take, generally, on the "nice guy" routine - the whole ":gonk: girls only like *******s" routine grates on my nerves. I only mentioned the "Mr. Nice Guy" because that's what it was - "blah blah you're a nice guy blah blah, etc., etc." All I wanted was an indication early on into the evening that she didn't feel that way about me - is that really that much to ask?

The problem is, every time I try to think of a way to present the way I feel about what happened, it always ends up with her being the villain (because, honestly, I really can't see anything I have to apologize for here ). I realize that I would probably regret completely cutting all ties to her, which is why I haven't simply told her to **** off and burned all the bridges. But if I did try and talk to her now, I think I'd only end up making the situation worse, if only for the fact of mutual friends (who I've not involved in this matter at all).

So, my decision is to, until I can figure out a way to not turn it into a personal attack on her, to avoid instigating any communication with her.

smart

Agreed...that is the smarter move. Just give it a couple days/weeks/how-ever-long-you-want and let all your emotions die down a bit. You don't want to say something that you probably will regret.