Despite the fact that you don't like it, he's still got a point. There's a consensus among many psychologists (especially evolutionary) that biological imperative is a strong reason for why men cheat. That said, human will and reason can keep us from acting on purely biological impulses.

Ooh, "A man chooses, a slave obeys."

... bloody hell, I'd really need that certain pic right here right now. Boy was that underwater guy right.

He'd have a point if this thread featured any cheating. It's about a girl blowing out of proportion things her boyfriend did half a year before they got together.

which comes under the biological imperative for women to be crazy *****es.

Also, keep in mind throughout this entire thing, if you act like a doormat, you'll be treated like a doormat.

Sounds like she could become a real JAP later on.

At least she won't puke in another Japanese girl's mouth

I'd hit it.

nuff said.

I'd probably dump her for acting like a ****.

Wow, although everyone's already said this I have to say something...


Firstly, the entire situation is ridiculous. If it happened while you were dating she'd be right to feel betrayed but the fact that you didn't even know each other means what happened between you and this other girl (or any other girl) has no bearing on your current relationship whatsoever and your girlfriend needs to understand that.

Secondly, The reason she got worked up is because you made a big deal out of it, when you panicked and came clean it looked to her like you were feeling guilty and purposefully hiding something from her.

You should have waited for her to ask you about it when (if) she found out and you could have casually said "yeah we fooled around a bit" and shrugged it off as if it doesn't matter (which it doesn't). If she asked why you didn't tell her you could have said it wasn't important and (or if it was the beginning of the relationship-and depending on the girl-you could have said you don't like to kiss and tell which would have actually scored brownie points with her)


You screwed up, but the fact that she's making such a big deal of it means she's just as bad as you are. As for repairing the damage now, the more you try to suck up to her the bigger deal you're making of the whole situation and she's going to think you're feeling guilty and you're trying to make up for something. Which you shouldn't be, even though it sounds like you are.

It wont sound right to you, but you need to show her that she's the one in the wrong here (because she overreacted) and that she needs to win you back, not the other way around.

Based on this I'm surprised you've lasted anywhere near 8 months.

Ok, I didn't intend to write that much.

Shut up already with the good advice!

This thread is useless without pics.

I suppose this is what happens to relationships with no real problems.

You have to find SOMETHING to make some drama.

Read the first post and some responses on the second page. It's been said, I'm sure, but your GF is tripping, big time, You hooked up with someone before you met her. You don't have anything to apologize for. Don't discount that she's up set though. Sounds like she's freaking out because she thinks you'll hook up with some random girl while your going out with her. Best you can do is reassure her that you're not.

Unless, while they were together he told her that he had never messed around with any chick before that.. then that's a different story

I'm in an almost four year relationship now. But I stupidly broken her trust early on and everything became an emotional roller coaster. Trust doesn't come back in a day. So if you choose to stick around, you better be ready for the tears, heartaches, and arguments weekly. It takes a strong commitment from both parties. And in my case, it took me three years... It was hell, but it was worth it because I ****ed up.

So having said that, I think you should just end it cause if your experiencing bull**** like this, just wait until you get into some REAL PROBLEMS.

First off, I agree with both maevie and TheJkWhoSaysNi. But...since it was made into kind of a big deal by you first, and then by her...I'm wondering if she thinks more happened between you than what you've already told her. She may see you as already hiding secrets, and maybe she's thinking there's more. Girls do get weird about these things. There is a strict, almost unspoken law between my female friends and I that we would not date any guy that one of us has already dated...this extends to even messing around with the person. It sounds silly, it is silly...but it's just what's within our comfort zone. I'm not sure if this really make sense though...put it down to female logic?

But yeah...just give her space, keep talking, and work to gaining her trust back. It will probably be awhile though. This isn't going to be a very overnight thing. Also...do you know how she's been with this other girl? Maybe this other girl is saying things to fan the flames...or perhaps their friendship is breaking (another reason for her being distant maybe?)

That is my favoritest new catchphrase. MY VERY FAVORITE.

Like this:

REAL PROBLEMS
or
REAL PROBLEMS
or
REAL PROBLEMS
or
REAL PROBLEMS

I am sorry. I have problems.

You have REAL PROBLEMS

I wouldn't try to earn her trust back. If she can't see how this isn't a trust issue, there's no reason to grovel at her feet, begging for her understanding. She's making a situation about her that isn't at all.

She's 20. Well there's your problem, until about 25 girls are ****ing crazy.

Odd, You seem to imply that there is any point, pryor to death that women are not crazy.

No no, I said "****ing crazy." At 25 they just become "crazy."

thanks

except you maevie, of course.

relationships are primarily about trust, breaking the trust = major ****up.

Obviously, but this isn't a trust issue.

Explain to me how trust was broken.

From her point of view, trust was broken because he wasn't retroactively faithful to her by not messing around with her friends.

This would be the point in the relationship where I would give up so I don't have any advice.

No.. the trust was broken because he made a big deal out of it and made it a secret.

Do you guys even talk to girls at all? This is a really obvious scenario. |:

Yes, I talk to them.

Doesn't mean I understand them.

I'm not sure you can count that as trust being broken...but that he made a big deal out of it, she's probably assuming there's more to it all...thus thinking that there is still some trust being broken. >_>

Then this girl ought not ever date another guy again if she is going to trip out because a dude hooked up with a girl before they ever met and didn't tell her about it.

I guess thats what I ment, yeah. Her trust in him is broken either way.

It isn't that this is un-obvious: It's that this is stupid and a waste of energy. I would NOT spend my time trying to appease her emotions here. As said already, she needs to know she's in the wrong. Apologize for making a big deal out of it, but let her know that this happened before you were together, it didn't pertain to her, and that you told before it got telephonied into something much worse. If she's still whiny after that, she's not going to get any easier to deal with, and you should cut your losses.

And yes Maeve, all women are absolutely crazy before 25. I only say that half-jokingly.

To update this situation, we spent a lot of time together today. We had dinner at her parents and ran a few errands together and made a lot of small talk. Then she brought up the question about maybe getting a place together, like we had talked about before. It feels like things are beginning to fall back into place. I asked her if she really wanted to live with me and she said she did. However, she hasn't resumed telling me she loves me at the end the night or whatever, and still no good night kiss or anything. I do think things are going to be okay in time.

YAY SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS [/SIZE]

Most likely, the majority of you only have your sister as a reference to a 'woman under 25'. In obi's case, he has his mother, and in Kirby's case a full grown woman who's attracted to tiny midgets.

(Me its a woman with a big forehead that cheated on me :awesomelon:)

I only say this half-jokingly.

Maevie, I don't think you have to worry.

I'll just reiterate what everyone else has said: The only way you screwed up was in treating this like it mattered. Fortunately, it sounds like your girlfriend is figuring out that it doesn't.