Note: This thread is not for pacifists. It is merely a casual discussion about how you would fight if you had to.

Well, there's always a risk of having my bike stolen and today it looked like someone was trying to take my bike and have a fun ride. Well, turns out the guys were just checking out my awesome disk brake mechanism on my bike and simple left after I glared at them, but what if they decided to take it? I asked professional opinion on the IRC and so far got some useful advice.



So what would you do if you had to defend yourself/property/loved ones/etc? Would you blast them to pieces with hollow-point rounds? Or would you try to talk to them in a professional manner?

I'd yell, chase the ****ers down, and call the police while doing it. I'd also make sure to provide a detailed description and direction of travel as well as a good description of my bike.

IF I caught up to them or found them before the police got there, I'd demand the bike back and inform them of the impending arrival of the police. This could go on all day until the police caught up with them, or they did something stupid.

My friend and I are developing midget-wheelchair defense techniques using his knowledge of Aikido and BJJ. I can use my short arms to my advantage and cover more area than a long armed person can reaching down at an awkward angle. I sparred a couple of his friends and they had no idea how to approach me, but now they're figuring out ways so we're developing methods of using the wheelchair to create distance and break holds.

It's so fun, and I sort of kind of hope I get mugged/raped sometime soon so I can see how effective it really is against someone who doesn't care. My friend isn't exactly an expert, but they've worked really well so far.

That said, when is a defense technique really that useful? It's not like muggers try to grapple with you to get your wallet. They just threaten you with weapons.

KICK HIM IN THE NARDS!

KICK HIM IN THE NARDS!



...

Wolfman got nards.

well other than being punched square in the face once (turns out that hurts a bit) i have almost no experience with fighting. i will avoid fighting at MOST costs. if i am forced to fight, i would treat it like i am fighting for my life. eyes throat and nuts would be the first things i would go for. but like i said given the chance i will almost always opt to walk away/try to diffuse the situation.

I would probably run yelling like a sissy.

Like this. Pre-oiled.

towels are useful. Also, the end made me cringe in pain and pun.

That's just classic...

"Keep an eye out for ya, Stingray!"
"Yeah...see ya!"

Here's another brilliant one:


"You got a lot of guts Oscar!"

Punch em in the throat, kick em in the balls.

And since I see the point of this thread is more about the fight itself, not avoiding the fight: I wouldn't fight unless I thought my life depended on it, and if I thought that, I'd just shoot him. A lot.

Kirby, can I suggest a mounted video camera so you can post you beating up this dude on the internet and make him feel like a wuss on a national level.... that is is anyone ever tried to rape you.

How would you talk to them in a professional manner if you are not working in the capacity of some kind of job? Professional != polite.

Why would anyone want to rape jedikirby?

well...point was you talk to them in a manner as you would in a professional work place
my bad

some people have weird fetishes

I am totally rape-worthy.



Aikido isn't really about "beating" someone. It's more about throwing the attacker off balance and getting away. All of its techniques are intended to not hurt the attacker. Aikido literally means to be at harmony with life.

oh , it would still be funny!

But how exactly do you plan on getting away?

Ahh fighting... I have a word or two about this.

I was once in a big fight, 6 vs me. I lost. Terribly. Knocked out, face and neck covered in blood. Broken nose, broken rib. I didn't stop fightng until I was unconcious. Funny thing is, I broke my rib not because of them, but because I was thrown on to a pile of boxes filled with beer bottles. Strangely enough none of them broke or cut me. The guys were beating me while I was unconcious, according to a bystander, and then a guy jumped in and beat them all.

Thats the worse fight I have in memory.

When the odds are agaisnt you, fighting changes entirely. I really can't give any advice that works entirely. You got to practice. The best way to practice would be with a group of friends, simulating atleast 3 on 1 fights. Most of the time 1 on 1 fights just won't happen. If you're winning, a friend of your opponent will most likely jump in. Wouldn't you do the same for your friend?

Honestly. Get an instructor and practice. Hit you're selves for real, but don't go over board to the point of causing serious injury. Fighting isn't nice. Its bloody, its crude, and its about coming out on top whatever the method.

A gun is nice to, but I wouldn't kill someone over a bike.

3:00

damnit gold ninja posted me.

Knives are better than guns.

Although, you know what happens to people who carry knives?

They get shot.

Hm.

Nah, just don't pull a knife on someone unless you're willing to kill them. Why would we be getting into a fight anyway? Fighting is stupid.

I've never been in a fight.

One time in the 6th grade a kid was whipping me with a thin tree branch, so I kicked him in the leg, so he knocked me down a gave me a concussion. Other than that any fights have been consensual sparring matches for fun. Also one time I got punched square in the nose out of nowhere. But..I don't think that counts.

Your mission is start a fight with a complete stranger, and lose.

Some, all or none of the above, depending on the specific situation.

I think it's much more effective to maneuver yourself such that the dangerous situation never emerges.

Well, it's at least as easy or moreso than fighting.

shotgun and a shovel

"sorry officer i didn't hear any gunshots... i was watching [warmoviehere] with the volume up to "it's like you're really there" levels"

"that bit of disturbed soil there? my dogs dug a big hole in the yard and i had to level it out today"

but seriously... if someone was trying to steal my bike then well... they would be in my backyard which has a 6' privacy fence around it and a locked gate as well as a no tresspassing sign... it's open season on their ***


and



blowjobjitsu?

The secret is to apply wrist control:

Is it supposed to be that derrick comedy video? I love that one.

It's fixed. I forgot to put just the YouTube ID between the tags. Brad was too lazy to parse it out from the URL. :downs:

The only figthing technique that you'll need.

This

In my wheelchair. If someone got me out of my chair, I'm pretty much done for.

holy ****

My list of confrontations isn't particularly big or succesful.
I got attacked by two guys once as a teenager. It kicked off so fast I didn't see it coming and the best I managed was rugby tackling one of them only for the other to start putting the boot in. After that it was curl-up-in-a-little-ball time.

I got assaulted by a chav in a pub once. Once again I didn't really expect things to escalate as fast as they did. His sovereign ring split my lip open like a curtain and it took 8 stitches to put it back together. I didn't even retaliate, initially thinking he'd just bloodied my nose I just shouted at him and then the doormen threw him out.

And one time a couple of teens on bicycles tried to stop me under a railway bridge near where I lived to get my phone/wallet. This time I'd kept my wits about me, was aware of them trying to creep up on me quite early and I got to the other side near some housing before they managed to block me. Then I just kept my distance and got progressively louder trying to draw attention and they gave up and rode off.

I think being aware of your surroundings, keeping a sensible distance and trying to draw help or running is your best bet.
Otherwise, if there was no way of avoiding it, I'm afraid I'd probably hit first and hard. I'd rather not be the sucker that has to go to hospital again.

I've never really been in a fight...like ever.

Although a mountain once broke my fall.