Rare, of course, but I have a girl problem.
*watches everyone run away*

I'll try to make this as short as I can without leaving out anything.

About 4.5 years ago (when I was 16), my girlfriend moved to Tenessee. (I live in Illinois.) She'd broken up with me before she left, solely for this reason. So long story short, she got pregnant, married the biggest ***hole in history, and is now going through a divorce. And when I say ***hole, I don't mean just a little. He had sex with her best friend right in front of her, fought with her (literally), treated her like ****, etc. etc. So now, she's trying to move back up here. She came up here to visit for a while, and she's clearly still interested in me. We kissed a couple times, held hands, etc. But I'm not sure I'm still interested in her. I enjoy being with her, but I just don't feel anything for her anymore. And yet when I'm away from her (like these last two days), I miss her like I did when we were going out and we were apart. (We lived in different towns.) But right now, I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
But I put that aside for now. There are more serious things to consider.
1.) She has a 2-year-old son. I don't like children.
2.) I'm Christian. She's Pagan (Wiccan, I assume).
3.) She's still married (though going through divorce). (I suppose I should stop kissing her and stuff. )
4.) She's still fairly immature. Not horribly immature or anything, but enough.
5.) At the moment, I'm more interested in someone else.

But I feel so bad for her. She's been through hell since she moved, to the point that she tried to comitt suicide a number of times. And right now, she doesn't seem to have anywhere to go, and no money. (She has temporary places to stay, but nothing permanent.)

So... yeah. I don't know what to do about any of this.

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For a healty meal, eat mashed potatoes, peas, and catloaf.
Massassi's cuttin' into my free time, man.
Valuable Life Lesson: Frog + Potato Gun = Blindness
Worship Examples - Christians' love for God should be seen and heard, not merely talked about. It is through actions that one is determined to be Christian, not through words. Words (and thoughts, as well) deceive even one's own self, but the heart speaks truth.

[This message has been edited by GhostOfYoda (edited August 29, 2004).]

NO!

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"Just remember -- No matter how bad things get, Northern Minnesota will always be there"
-- Garrison Keeler

What?

You are getting yourself into more trouble then you can even think of here. A child is a HUGE responsibily and there is no point of sending your life through hell also just because "you feel sorry for her". If you want to help her in some way, do that, but DONT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP.

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"Just remember -- No matter how bad things get, Northern Minnesota will always be there"
-- Garrison Keeler

I dont think rebuilding your relationship with her is a good idea if it is out of sympathy, especially if you are interested in someone else.

By the way, dont take my advice, I am not good with this relationship thing, just seemed like the right thing to say though

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ZGPC

Stay away

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

Decide for yourself, but don't get back with her out of sympathy. Already said, but it can not be emphasized enough.

You guys are jumping to conclusions. I never once said I was considering getting back together with her because I felt sorry for her.
In fact, I distinctly remember... ah, yes... here it is:
My problem is, for the most part, letting her down easy. I'm not so good with things like that.
I think I still feel something for her, but I'm trying to fight it at the same time.

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For a healty meal, eat mashed potatoes, peas, and catloaf.
Massassi's cuttin' into my free time, man.
Valuable Life Lesson: Frog + Potato Gun = Blindness
Worship Examples - Christians' love for God should be seen and heard, not merely talked about. It is through actions that one is determined to be Christian, not through words. Words (and thoughts, as well) deceive even one's own self, but the heart speaks truth.

[This message has been edited by DogSRoOL (edited August 28, 2004).]

I think you answered your own question.

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"If there's one thing I've learned it's this - you just can't shake hands with a fist" - David Allen Coe

[Stop quoting the whole original post! We know what you're talking about! -Vinny]

Ok apparently you miss her, cuz she's your friend and you haven't seen her in a while. Dont ever get with someone because you feel bad for them. That's just asking for misery.

Be her friend, be there for her, but you all apparently have too many differences now to do anything. You dont like kids, and she has one, you are more interested in someone else, etc.

Just be there for her, be her friend and that's it. Nothing says you cant care for a friend. But as far as making out, knowing that you dont want to invest more and you like someone else, just dont do that to her.

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Lets finish it then, let us be rid of it...I can't carry it for you Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you...Come on!

"Life Is What Happens While You're Busy Making Other Plans..."

"This new diet's liquid and dulling to the senses and it's crude, but it will do..." Dashboard Confessional

Live and Let Live

[This message has been edited by Vincent Valentine (edited August 28, 2004).]

After a long list of reasons why you shouldnt, the first thing you put is "I feel bad for her" and go on about how you want to get together again.

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"Just remember -- No matter how bad things get, Northern Minnesota will always be there"
-- Garrison Keeler

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America, home of the free gift with purchase.

She's had her chance with you, and she dumped you for a jerk. Ask yourself, does she really deserve you putting yourself in so much trouble (with the child and all) for her, after what she's done? If you truly care for her, then be her friend, and help her get her life back in order. But as was mentioned before, you've got a whole list of reasons why you shouldn't get back in a relationship with her.

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WAITER: Here’s your green salad, sir.
ANAKIN: What? You fool, I told you NO CROUTONS! Aaaaaaargh!

In this case you need not worry. "Girl problem" in this context means she has a problem, and you shouldn't. Seriously, she dumped you and now she's come crawling back after she screwed up.

Yeah you can feel sorry for her, but theres no need to feel bad about letting her "down."
If she expects she'll be saved from this self-hell she's given herself by getting back together with you, say no way. It's her responsibility, not yours.

What does the religion thing matter though? That seemed pretty nonsenical. But that's a pretty little issue, just a peeve of mine.

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"We came, we saw, we conquered, we...woke up!"

Also, I'd like to note while this is about the 4 billionth girl problem thread on Massassi, it's probably the first where the problem isn't "I like a girl but have never talked to her and she doesn't know my name!! What should I do??"

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"If there's one thing I've learned it's this - you just can't shake hands with a fist" - David Allen Coe

Nothing in that part about wanting to get back together with her. Hence, that's not the reason.
For that matter, I never actually said for sure I wanted to get back together with her. I said a few statements about what I felt, toward the middle section of the first post. Ultimately, I said I'm not sure how I feel.

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For a healty meal, eat mashed potatoes, peas, and catloaf.
Massassi's cuttin' into my free time, man.
Valuable Life Lesson: Frog + Potato Gun = Blindness
Worship Examples - Christians' love for God should be seen and heard, not merely talked about. It is through actions that one is determined to be Christian, not through words. Words (and thoughts, as well) deceive even one's own self, but the heart speaks truth.

No... I said she dumped me because she had to move out of state. She met the guy after she moved there. I'm not sure how the child works in there, because it's not his. She met him while she was pregnant. (She claims she was raped. But I have doubts because of the way she mentioned something about getting pregnant the other day. I don't know, but it's not my concern.)

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For a healty meal, eat mashed potatoes, peas, and catloaf.
Massassi's cuttin' into my free time, man.
Valuable Life Lesson: Frog + Potato Gun = Blindness
Worship Examples - Christians' love for God should be seen and heard, not merely talked about. It is through actions that one is determined to be Christian, not through words. Words (and thoughts, as well) deceive even one's own self, but the heart speaks truth.

Why let her down at all? Just stop making moves. Be there as a friend if you want, but knock it off with the kissy-kissy crap.

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Roach - Gyring and gimbling in the wabe...
0 of 14.

You've pretty much said that you don't want to get back together with her. you said you're more interested in someone else and listed a whole bunch of reasons not to be with her, so I don't think you really need help answering that question.
By the sounds of it though, immature is a bit of an understatement. She obviously doesn't know what she wants in terms of the future, or she wouldn't be getting a divorce after a couple of years (and btw, way too young for marriage if she's the same age as you!). As has already been said, there's no reason you can't be there for her as a friend and try to help her sort things out. But this means making very strict rules. If you blur the boundaries, you're going to confuse her even more. If you don't want to be with her, stop kissing her!! As for the suicide thing, whilst she's obviously very depressed if she's gone that far (get counselling, etc etc) she's got a child now, and she needs to understand that they come first. Please, even if you don't like children, try to help hers out, and if it looks like she's not going to be able to cope, call social services.

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/end boob rant

There is not easy way of letting her down. You just have to tell her that you don't feel the same way she does. Also, it sounds like she might use suicide to get you to be with her. Don't let her manipulate you like that if she does it.

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The easiest way to kill a soldier is to make his commanding officer a politician.

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited August 28, 2004).]

1. cut the kissing stuff, do it slowly if you have to, or right now if you can, but that needs to stop first before anythign elce.
2. Help her find job/perminate residence.. not your apartment
3. Support her emotionally, but persue the other girl prominatelly

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IMPORTANT NOTICE PLEASE READ

Employees dying on the job are falling to fall down. THIS PRACTICE MUST STOP, as it becomes impossible to distinguish between death and the natural movement of the staff.

Any employee found dead in an upright position will be dropped from the payroll.

Well, if you're a christian you shouldn't. The bible says that Christians and pagens shouldn't marry.

...and it also says that you shouldn't speak. Ok, maybe it doesn't. But I'm saying it. Stop talking, it's not working out for you.

Meanwhile, Dogsrool, pity is seldom a good reason to start a relationship.

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I live in the weak, and the wounded.

[@ Obi] For such a devout Christian, you sure like forgetting your capital 'B' and 'C', I suspect 'G' too.

I think there are far better reasons than Biblical rules for why continuing the kissing is a bad idea. Everyone seems to have the right idea though, help her out but don't let her manipulate you.

[This message has been edited by DeTRiTiC-iQ (edited August 28, 2004).]

I think that she needs to rethink her life right now. Right now, the most importent thing is her child, and she needs to get back onto her feet, and to be steady again, long before she starts dating, again.

What I think you need to do is offer your friendship, and support to her. Maybe lend her some cash, but tell her that you're just going to have to be friends until she's back on her feet, and going strong again. After that, you guys can explore your relationship on a different level. But really, she needs a friend more than she needs a lover, right now. I believe your best bet would be to offer this to her.

And about religious differences: The bottom line with christianity is to love. If you love someone, go with it. I would hope that God, or Jesus, or Alah or Mother Earth or whatever would want it that way.

JediKirby

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jEDIkIRBY - Putting the Romance back into Necromancer.
Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council

Live on, Adam.

What does her religion matter?

Christian and Wiccan are both good religions...

*shrugs*

And I don't see why religion would stop a couple from loving one another. (Even though that isn't the case here)

But yeah, screw her, I agree with Flexor.

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º<) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º<)

Bad wording...

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Snail racing: (500 posts per line)

---------@%

The Massassi JO/JA Single Player contest info (I don't know why I have this still in my sig)

Dating a non-Christian was one of the worst experiences of my life - she was Wiccan. All it did was draw me away from God. Basically, what I believe is that Christians need to date other Christians so that they can both grow together towards God, and eventually bring up a Christian family.

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"Windows [n.]
A thirty-two bit extension and GUI shell to a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor and sold by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition."

Don't blame your lack of religious fortitude on other people or religions. No one can make you step away from God besides you.

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The easiest way to kill a soldier is to make his commanding officer a politician.

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited August 28, 2004).]

1 question: Is it your kid, or someone elses? If its yours, then you are obligated ethically, but if it isn't yours, then to hell with both of them. Chances are, she just wants to leech.

I know how this goes, b/c i've seen other people f*** up their lives by faling for this: She tries to get back to you just so you will start feeling sorry with her and will start giving her money and financial support. Don't fall for this s***. If she threatens suicide, let the state worry about it, b/c she is obviously out of her f***ing mind. It isn't your problem. She probably wouldn't do it (she's using the threat as leverage) but even if she would do it and leave her kid with nothing then she is an utter waste of carbon.

No matter how you look at it, there is one word to describve a chick/b**** like this: POISON.




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I have found that you can transform your character solely by the power of belief: as you believe yourself to be, so you shall become over time.

[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited August 28, 2004).]

yeah really, thats a big bullcrap excuse. 'I dated a wiccan and grew apart from god'. That pisses me off.

/runs to whopissedyouoff.com

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º<) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º<)

The Bible also says that you should stone adulterors(sp?) and fornicators, and that slaves are okay. Don't get me wrong, I'm a devout Catholic, but there are some things in the Bible that just shouldn't be seen as right.

- Back on topic -
Just stay good friends with her. If you don't want a relationship of that level with her, don't make one, sympathy is no reason to try to love somebody, but that's only my opinion.

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*Takes out his blaster and fires shots at the wall, the blastmarks leave the words "S-TROOPER WUZ 'ERE!!!"

Do you think a strait girl having a relationship with me (Being bi) would slowly shape her into a bisexual herself?

JediKirby

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jEDIkIRBY - Putting the Romance back into Necromancer.
Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council

Live on, Adam.

A man can only hope

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º<) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º<)

probably not.

to get into a relationship with you, she would have to know you are like that and be okay with that sort of thing.

Nothing against you personally, but chicks tend to steer clear of guys that take it both ways.



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I have found that you can transform your character solely by the power of belief: as you believe yourself to be, so you shall become over time.

Are you kidding!? Women love assuming that bisexual guys are completelly different than other guys because we're somehow more feminine.

Wait, am I trying to prove one of page's relationship based opinions wrong? Hah! *walks off*

JediKirby

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jEDIkIRBY - Putting the Romance back into Necromancer.
Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council

Live on, Adam.

haha that's great lol

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Lets finish it then, let us be rid of it...I can't carry it for you Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you...Come on!

"Life Is What Happens While You're Busy Making Other Plans..."

"This new diet's liquid and dulling to the senses and it's crude, but it will do..." Dashboard Confessional

Live and Let Live

I agree basically with what Kirby first said, and with Flex. Be there for her, be the best friend you can for her at this piss-poor time in her life, but stay well clear of getting involved anymore than that.

Oh, and off topic ever so slightly, I definitely thing that differing religions is no excuse to avoid a relationship - you can only learn more about another way of life, you don't have to choose it, but you'll learn to respect it and maybe even appreciate its good qualities.

Oh, and get it on with the other girl ASAP. We're all rootin' for ya!

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If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.

Well.. If I had the chance to be back with a past love.. I would in a heart beat, I mean.. I am not a religious person, Why should that be one thing to consider? Does that mean she acts differently like she did before you went out with her? If you still care, be a friend but be honest as to how you feel.. Leaving that part out is very dangerous.. Not being honest about your feelings.. You dont like kids? Your a crazy person.. Very crazy indeed.. I love kids..

But meh.. Still your crazy! Yeah having a kid is alot of responsibility.. But so is having a animal as a pet or a nephuew/neice.. Being a brother/sister to a younger sibling is a responsibility of its own.. I dont think she would bury the burden of taking care of a child on your shoulders.. To her that would be your choice to make, she is in grievence of a divorce.. She needs a friend yes, moral support yes..

Making out or holding hands is nothing like having sex.. So dont feel ashamed.. But we only act on human nature.. So that can never be avioded.. My advice would be to follow twisted's.. Be a friend more then anything, but be honest to yourself and to her on your feelings..

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-- [url="mailto:Jatso_jk1@hotmail.com"]mailto:Jatso_jk1@hotmail.com[/url]Jatso_jk1@hotmail.com</A>--The Bounty Hunters Arc Forum--Firehound Inc.--

I don't blame her for it, I blame myself for making the mistake of doing it. All I was trying to say is that I wish I hadn't done it because for me, personally, it was a mistake.

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"Windows [n.]
A thirty-two bit extension and GUI shell to a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor and sold by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition."