Thank you, I'm here all week!

That's what she said!

I've had a couple of girls thank me. It's

I turned a lesbian

Izzy used to be a muff diver, huh? Interesting...

Haha, no it was before that.

At university I was in an improvised comedy society. We did "Whose Line" style gigs throughout the year. At the start of my final year of uni we got a fresh intake of youth into the group. In my role as social secretary I organised a night out for everyone to get acquainted with one another.

So we went to some bars, did some shots, played some very distasteful drinking games and generally got wrecked.

We get to Durham's crappiest nightclub, and the young quiet girl with the disproportionately massive boobies for her slender frame throws herself at me and sticks her tongue down my throat. Needless to say this caught me off guard - I'd just come out of a relationship that went down like the friggin' Hindenburg and was too busy making sure everyone was having a laugh to really be paying attention to 18 year-olds giving me the eye.

So, one thing leads to another - well, actually she takes me by the hand and leads me out of the club and says quite matter of factly: "your place or mine then?"

Well as a fourth year I've chosen to live in cheapsville miles out of town in a nice house, not in the centre of town with all the noise and squalor so I say "I take it you're in a college? Let's go to yours: it can only be closer". (I knew she was a fresher, and they all live in digs in their first years)

So, arm in arm we strike a quick pace back to her place, which turns out to be St Mary's College.

At this point in the story I should probably expand upon some salient points that were in plain sight to me, but I was too drunk to notice:

(1) This girl had rather short hair
(2) This girl also seemed to be quite fond of berets
(3) Her taste in fashion was ... well it was quite "boyish" if you know what I mean

Now these facts alone can denote nothing other than a bit of tomboyism, and I hadn't given them a second thought, in fact I'd barely registered them - let's face it, she was pretty much dragging me to bed so I was just making sure I put one foot in front of the other until she'd led me there. The reason that these facts should have rung alarm bells in my mind is that St Mary's College was at that time an all girls college.

Now let me dispel a common myth. Despite this being the only all girls college in the uni did not mean it was literally attended only by those girls who like other girls, it took a large portion of girls who were rejected from other colleges, and a lot who didn't bother to specify a preference. Not that those facts stopped most people from generally believing that it was "lesbian city".

However.

It can be said that via observational evidence from friends I had who attended Mary's that there was a larger proportion of lesbians per female college member than most if not all colleges.

So.

I have a tomboyish girl leading me back to "lesbian city" and I don't bat an eyelid. None of these things cross my mind at all. In fact the only thing that crosses my mind is "woohoo! I can cross Mary's off the list of places I've woken up".

Anyway, I shall gloss over the gory details of what happened once we got back to her room, although I will tell you she said "bloody hell you've done that before!" or words to that effect...

Skip to next morning - I wake up in a cold damp room (Mary's was in a shabby state as it happens) next to a girl whose name I just couldn't remember despite my best efforts so I start to glance around the floor for clues (folders, essays, anything that might give me her name) and I notice a pamphlet on her floor near her bed:

LGBT Society

(in case the acronym isn't as international as I hope it stands Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans-gender)

So I pick up the pamphlet, roll over and ask the nameless girl:

"Oh, I take it you're 'B' then?" (as in bisexual)

"Well, I was 'L' until last night."

" "

I high-fived myself in my mind.

It's your penis, isn't it.

Martyn just jumped the shark.
For all of Massassi.

Tee hee

Oh, and just to finish off the story:

We met up the following night, and I brought her back to my place, then the next morning she suggested I come with her to a pub I loved to watch her in a FOLK BAND.

At this point I realised what I was getting myself into, and resolved to put a stop to it. Luckily, she then started calling and texting non-stop for a couple of days which was reason enough to take advantage of the fact that my mobile contract ran out and I got a new number.

Which I didn't pass on to her.

THEN...

I went to a friend's birthday party a day or two later, where there was this stunning girl with really nice legs who I'd seen around, but hardly spoken to. We had a nice night, I enjoyed my mate's party went home and thought nothing of it.

Two nights later The Hindenburg relationship came to a head (Hindenburg had been cheating on me with one of my best friends which is why it all fell apart) - Hindenburg's birthday was upon us (which meant nothing to me any more), BUT the friend of mine who'd done the dirty on me was now getting the same treatment from her (it turned out she was moral garbage on legs having turned 21) and we resolved to go to the pub and drink until we made up.

Bromance was flowing in the air, we got trashed, hugged a lot and made up. It felt great as this had split my closest friendship group into horrid little fragments and now we were all reconciled. We then decided we'd try and catch up with Hindenburg's group in our now-famous crappy little nightclub to pretty much say "**** you, we're mates and you're scum" but they weren't there. Who was there was a group of girls pretty much the same as those from the birthday party including the nice girl with nice legs .

So, drunken dancing ensued for some time, until Tracy (a friend from my course and awesome lass) said to me bold as brass "do you like Izzy?"

I said "yes, she's lovely"

She shot back, "excellent, stay there"

She scythed through the small crowd of dancing girls, pulled Izzy out, whispered in her ear something I'll never know, and pretty much shoved her into my arms.

And that's how, in the immediate aftermath of the Lesbian Debacle I met my wife to be, who is now carrying a feisty little chap in her belly

The End.

Hooray for sluts and cheating and drinking and carousing!

I never knew Martyn was such a James Bond. o_o

His name containing a "y" instead of an "i" should've been your first clue. That in itself reeks of sophistication.

Tibby: I don't get it

Steven: What's carousing? It sounds fun!

Geb: Why thank you!

Mentat: Indeed sir, all of us 'y' carriers are rockcellent chaps.

(also Mentat - what happened with your work? your blog is down)

I think Tibby misunderstood what the term "jumped the shark" means

I wonder what he thinks it means? Have I done a good thing?

Awesome post right here. I'm going to go out right now and jump the shark for all you dogs and cats!

Martyn, I suppose the real question is not whether you had sex with a lifetime lesbian, but whether you were good enough for her to have done it again.

The joke is that that's so awesome nothing else could possibly top it.

orly?

Well I didn't know there would be a second episode!

I'm currently preparing for an administrative hearing. My former employer filed an appeal in an attempt to prevent me from receiving unemployment insurance. They're trying to show that calling in sick with the flu is a form of misconduct. I don't think that they have a case but I'm going to be prepared nonetheless. The entire situation has left a nasty taste in my mouth & I just don't think that I want to work for anyone ever again. I'm attempting to take advantage of the situation & go back to school since apparently being unemployed increases your chances of receiving grants for education. My wife & I are also in the early stages of opening our own restaurant. She's been a manager for 2-3 restaurants but this business is new to me so I've been reading books on the subject. Thanks for asking.

Tibby - yeah jumping the shark means a specific moment in what was a good television show that marks the show going completely downhill. It's a negative term

Right so I...
Fuh..., I'm sorry I messed that up and derailed the thread.
Continue.

Thread has jumped shark!

She wouldn't stop pestering me for more!! That's why I didn't give her my new mobile number when I (most conveniently) got a new contract...

Anyway, by the time she figured out I'd changed my number, I'd left improv to concentrate on my final year project and started seeing izzy, who was much more fun :-)