(To follow up on the rest of the radio project, click here.)

Narrator: In a motel room in the city of London, England, a man sits on his bed assembling a small device. The man is former Soviet Agent The Last True Evil and the device is a nuclear detonator which, when completed, will surely be the end of this great city.

(sound of a door being kicked off its hinges)

Krig: Krig see Last True Evil!

MZZT: Alright, commie, drop it!

(sound of gun cocking)

TLTE: You really think you can stop me?

MZZT: The Soviet Union collapsed over a decade ago. You're nothing but leftovers.

Krig: Krig think leftovers delicious.

TLTE: I see. And is my arch-nemesis Gebohq present?

MZZT: Geb couldn't make it, so we're on special assignment to bust you up.

TLTE: Quite.

MZZT: So get ready to get busted...up.

TLTE: And who, prey tell, is the third member of your self-righteous posse?

MZZT: Third member?

Krig: Posse?

Kirby: Hi guys! I'm here to help!

MZZT: Kirby? What are you doing here?

Kirby: Hi guys, I'm here to help!

MZZT: You're not supposed to be on this mission! You're wrecking it!

Kirby: No, I'm helping!

Narrator: Seizing the moment of indecision, The Last True Evil pounces, punching MZZT and knocking the gun out of his hand!

(sound of a punch. The gun and the nuclear device clatter to the floor. As MZZT and TLTE struggle

TLTE: (struggling) I will not be stopped!

MZZT: (struggling) Krig! I'll hold him off! Get the detonator!

Krig: (sound of crunching metal and eating/gulpingas Krig eats the device)

MZZT: (struggling) ...or eat it.

TLTE: You'll pay for that!

Kirby: Don't worry guys, I'm on the case!

(sound of Kirby absorption)

Narrator: With a deep breath, Kirby inhales The Last True Evil. Everyone in the room is temporarily blinded by a bright flash of light. When their vision returns, Kirby and the Mega ZZT'er find themselves staring down the twin barrels of The Last True Evil's firearms.

MZZT: What have you done with Kirby?

TLTEKirby:(evil laugh) I'm afraid that your little friend's heriocs have gone horribly wrong.

Mzzt: Wrong for us or wrong for you?

TLTEKirby: For you. I'm afraid that when your adorable pink friend attempted to absorb me he failed to take into account my indominable Russian will.

Mzzt: What have you done to Kirby?!

TLTEKirby: As they say, in Soviet Russia, I absorb you!

Mzzt: Dear God!

TLTEKirby: It gets better. You see, my original plan called for a worldwide nuclear holocaust - quite pedestrian, but then that is what one would expect of single mind in a single body. But two minds - one composed of the blackest black and the other irrevocably corrupted to evil - occupying the same body? Well, we shall soon see what that comes up with! But first, my dear heroes, you die. (sound of TLTE's two pistols cocking)

MZZT: Let's beat it! Out the window, out the window!

(sound of running then shattering glass + a few gunshots)

Narrator: Making a truely heroic getaway, Krig the Viking and The Mega ZZT'er leap out the hotel window and run for their lives.

MZZT: (running)We've got to get back to the Hall of Heroes. Who knows what the terrible consequences could result from Kirby inadvertantly combining himself with The Last True Evil? Gebohq and the others have got to be warned!

Krig: (running) Krig hungry.

MZZT: (running)(annoyed) ...and you're hungry. Because that's another good reason on top of all that stuff I just said.

Narrator: Back in the hotel room, The Last True Evil begins to formulate a new plan.

Kirby: What should we pillage and destroy first?

TLTE: Not so fast, comrade.

Kirby: Why? What's wrong with you?

TLTE: Nothing. But perhaps a moment's reflection is in order...

Kirby: Now wait a minute. We need to keep up a brave face here, and we – that is, you – don't look at all evil!

TLTE: Apologies, tovarish. It's just that I don't know you very well, and being evil with someone is a very intimate thing. I was just thinking that you and I could talk a little and spend some time learning about each other.

(A long silence from Kirby)

TLTE: Shall I begin with the story of my conception?

Kirby: ...No.

TLTE: My mother was a concubine, my father none other than Rasputin himself. It was a chance encounter in one of old Vladivostok's back-alleys...

Kirby: I'm going to watch TV while I ignore you.

(sound of TV being switched on to Oprah)

TLTE: ...It was in the dark corner of a Russian tavern where they met...

(sound of shattering glass [TLTE smashes the TV set with a single punch])

TLTE: Why did you just demolish our television?

Kirby: Oprah Winfrey enrages me.

TLTE: Pay attention when I'm speaking to you.

Kirby: Sorry. Please continue with you gripping and highly topical story.

TLTE: Very well then. So there we were, in downtown St. Petersburg, armed with only – hey, you're being sarcastic!

Kirby: Look, I'm all for this emotional sharing, but listening to you talk gives me ants in the pants.

TLTE: They're my pants too, you know.

Kirby: Yes. What's your point?

TLTE: We haven't been co-possessing this body for very long, but so far you haven't spared me any consideration. It's all “I'm Kirby, let's do what I want to do! Yippie!”

Kirby: I can see where this is going, and I'm asking you to stop.

TLTE: All I ask is a little politeness, a little please and thank you. Perhaps a 'what were your plans for the day, The Last True Evil?'

Kirby: Now I'm begging you to stop.

TLTE: Something – anything – to show me that you care.

Narrator: Suddenly, the door is kicked off it's hinges and two armed secret agents burst into the room.

(sound of door being kicked open)

Agent #1: Area secure! We've found him!

Agent #2: Sir, are you alright?

TLTEKirby: I'm under quite a lot of stress right now, and I'll thank you not to increase it by waving loaded firearms around.

(long pause)

Agent #1: Area secure! We've found him!

Agent #2: Sir, are you alright?

Kirby: Who are these strange men?

TLTE: Most likely KGB operatives on a special mission to retrieve me, The Last True Evil, back to Russia so I may begin my next bid for world domination.

Kirby: Sounds good. Let's go.

TLTE: The old me would have in an instant, eager to combat the forces of good. However, the new me knows that true fulfillment doesn't come from secret assassinations and the looming threat of nuclear war; it comes from the companionship of being with someone who loves you.

Kirby: ...What?

TLTE: I think that perhaps I should call Losien.

Kirby: This is unbelievable! I want out!

TLTE: Though it could be complicated - she is the sister of my arch-nemesis, Gebohq.

Kirby: It's going to get complicated if you don't start talking some sense!

Agent#1: Area secure -

Agent #2: I know. You've said that three times.

Agent #1: Sorry. I was just going to keep repeating it until the situation made sense.

TLTEKirby: Not to worry, comrades. I am ready to depart.

Agent #1: Very good, sir.

Narrator: Elsewhere in the city, god of war and all around bad-boy Ares enters a gun shop.

(sound of door opening and chime)

Al: Welcome to Al's Firearm Emporium.

Ares: Hello, Al. I'm in the market for some heavy-duty hardware. What can you set me up with?

Al: Well, we've got this line of semi-automatic pistols -

Ares: Al, Al, don't waste my time.

Al: What about a nice shotgun?

Ares: Al. Here's the situation: I've come into your place of business looking to make a purchase. Money is no object. Am I adequately communicating myself to you?

Al: I think so.

Ares: Now Al: What is the largest, most-expensive item available for purchase?

(at this point Al is supposed to be nervous due to the whole sugar dumpling thing)

Al: Uh, it's out back.

Ares: Then lead us out back, Al.

(sound of footsteps and door opening)

Al: Now it's nothing fancy to look at but it is the most powerful and versatile weapon we carry.

(sound of a puppy panting)

Narrator: Sitting in front of Ares is a puppy: the cutest, softest and most adorable puppy in the universe. It stares up at Ares with soft brown eyes that just radiate love, its tongue hanging out in a manner that is oh so disgustingly cute. Al carefully opens the cage, pulls out the puppy and aims it at a nearby tree.

Ares: Is this a joke?

Al: No sir! I swear! It's the deadliest weapon ever created!

Narrator: Ares grabs Al by his shirt collar and violently shakes him.

(some type of 'shuffling' sound effect)

Ares: Al. In about two seconds I am going to lose my temper, upon which time I will kill you.

Al: No no, please! I'll show you! I'll show you! Sugar dumpling, attack!

(sound of Sugar Dumpling lasers followed by a massive explosion)

Narrator: A beam of light, wreathed in green flames, shoots from sugar dumpling's eyes, reducing the tree to ashes. The shockwave flips over cars, uproots other trees and causes cracks in the earth to splinter out from ground zero.

(sound of car alarms in the background. Al's responses are frightened and slightly laboured as he is still being dangled above the ground by Ares)

Ares: Can I give it a different name? Like 'killer' or 'spike'? I mean, even 'Amanda' inspires more fear than 'sugar dumpling'.

Al: The only name it responds to is 'sugar dumpling'.

Ares: Fine, fine, Al. I'll take it.

(pause)

Al: ...Sir?

Ares: Al. Is it not obvious what I'm doing?

Al: But -

Ares: I am plotting. Plotting the death and destruction I am going to wreak with this adorable puppy.

Al: Paper or plastic? <- we should have one scared/nervous take of this line and one sales-pitchy

(elsewhere, we hear the sound of a car rolling to a stop and a car door opening)

TLTEKirby: Thank you, comrades. Now wait here for my return.

(sound of elevator doors opening and of the elevator running [a ding sound and some elevator music])

TLTE: I must confess, I am a bit nervous.

Kirby: Look, we're in their base. Are you sure you don't want to kill the heroes in a wild orgy of destruction?

TLTE: For the last time, no.

Kirby: Alright, but I still say we're making a huge mistake.

TLTE: Be silent and let me do the talking.

Kirby: Yeah, whatever.

TLTE: I am quite serious. This mission requires good people skills, and we look quite insane when we converse.

Kirby: Fine, I'll keep a sock in it. But I'd better get a chance to do some serious damage real soon...

TLTE: You will, my friend, you will.

(the elevator humming stops and the doors slide open. There is also a little 'bing' sound)

Narrator: The elevator doors open to reveal the Hall of Heroes lounge, and the gang's all here: Gebohq and Galvatron shooting pool, Maybechild watching TV and Losien reading the London Times.

TLTEKirby: Greetings.

Galvatron: Dear God! It's The Last True Evil! In our base!

Gebohq: How did you get past our laser security net?

Galvatron: Right here! With us!

MaybeChild: We don't have a laser security net. You spent the money on a pool table instead, remember?

Gebohq: Okay, but don't we have armed guards or something?

Galvatron: In the Hall of Heroes! Our home!

Gebohq: Yeah you can actually stop that now, Galv.

Galvatron: Where we live!

(metallic clang sound followed by robotic fzzt sound)

Narrator: Gebohq cracks Galvatron across the head with his pool cue, correcting the error but leaving Galv with a large dent in his casing.

Gebohq: So, what's it going to be, Last True Evil? One final explosive showdown so destructive it could prove to be the end of us all?

Kirby: Yes!

TLTE: No!

Gebohq: Okay?

TLTE: What I mean is that I wish to speak with Losien.

Losien: Oh, hi Last True Evil.

TLTEKirby: Ah, Losien. It has been a long time.

(sound of ruffling a coat)

TLTE: I have something for you.

Narrator: The Last True Evil reaches into the deep pockets of his trench coat. Gebohq screams and the heroes dive for cover.

(as this line is read we hear Geb yell 'Get down' )

TLTE: For you, my dear.

Losien: Aw, a rose. That's so sweet. (pause) Why is everybody hiding?

Gebohq: (muffled) Is it safe?

Losien: Of course it's safe, silly! The Last True Evil was just being a sweetie. You are so cute.

Gebohq: Oh. Well, I'll just get back to my game. If further heroics won't be nessecary.

TLTEKirby: (embarrassed Russian mumbling) ...I was wondering if maybe, you know, I could have dinner. With you.

Losien: Of course! When?

TLTEKirby: Is now a good time?

Losien: Absolutely. Let's go.

TLTEKirby: Excellent.

Narrator: Arms linked, The Last True Evil and Losien exit the Hall of Heroes.

(sound of receding footsteps. Sound of a door being thrown open and running)

MZZT: (panting) Geb! Maybe! Everyone! It's an emergency!

Gebohq: The only emergency is how badly I'm getting smoked at the billiard-table. Can you believe this?

MZZT: (panting) No, it's serious. Remember our mission to stop The Last True Evil's nuclear doomsday plot?

Gebohq: Oh yeah. How'd it go with that?

MaybeChild: I'd say reasonably well, seeing as how we haven't been vapourized in a nuclear firestorm.

MZZT: Krig disabled the remote detonator -

MaybeChild: How did he do that?

MZZT: He ate it. Anyway, Kirby decided to tag along and the he ate The Last True Evil!

Gebohq: No, he was just here.

MZZT: What?

Gebohq: Yeah. He's taking Losien out to dinner. What I'm more concerned about is why people are apparently eating everything. It might seem like a good solution to your problems, but it'll just come back to haunt you.

MaybeChild: How could The Last True Evil be here if he was eaten?

Krig: Evidence suggest Last True Evil's body now shared by Kirby and Last True Evil, retaining abilities of each. Last True Evil drop ominious threat regarding future plans then we jump out window.

MZZT: ...that was the single most coherent thought I have ever heard you construct.

Krig: Krig hungry.

Gebohq: Well, problem solved! Great job everyone!

MaybeChild: What are you talking about? You've got to do something!

Gebohq: About what? He asked her out, and she said yes. It's not a crime.

MaybeChild: Were'nt you listening to Krig? Something weird happened with The Last True Evil, but he's still the biggest threat the world has ever seen.

Gebohq: I think it's okay.

MaybeChild: But he always tries to kill us!

Gebohq: Maybe -

MaybeChild: Always!

Galvatron: Perhaps we'd best warm up to the idea that The Last True Evil has hung up his world domination hat and decided to settle down.

MZZT: I'm with Maybe here. We've got to do something, blast it!

(sound of a fist hitting a table)

Gebohq: (defensive) Don't hit the pool table.

MaybeChild: Well, something's up and we'd better figure out a plan to defend against whatever large-scale attack The Last True Evil is planning.

Gebohq: Do you really think the world is in need of our heroic actions?

MaybeChild: Yes. We'll need weapons, supplies -

Gebohq: Why are we worrying about this again?

MaybeChild: That's it. Let's go.

Narrator: Maybe grabs Gebohq's wrist and drags him into the Hall of Heroes' main control room.

(control room background sounds fade in: the electronic hum of and occasional beeps and boops of computers. Also footsteps of Maybe and Geb)

Gebohq: You know, you used to be a lot less stressed out.

MaybeChild: Yeah, well I also used to not do all the work around here. You run around without a care in the world and leave me to solve whatever problem you're currently ignoring. And then when I'm done you take all the credit!

Gebohq: Look Maybe, being a hero isn't about the rewards – it's about knowing you made a difference in the lives of others.

MaybeChild: You aren't even listening to me!

Gebohq: Who?

MaybeChild: Oh, I've had it. (sound of buttons being angrily pushed) The Last True Evil is up to no good and you, fearless leader, are going to stop him.

Narrator: Maybe activates The Thingy, the heroes' space/time teleportation device.

(sound of a portal opening)

Gebohq: Uh, I'm not going in there.

MaybeChild: Yes. You. Are!

Narrator: Geb puts up a brief struggle, but is quickly shoved through The Thingy by MaybeChild.

(sounds of grappling [no punches] and thingy teleportion)

Gebohq: (receeding into the distance) YEAAARGH! It hurts like the craziness!

MaybeChild: And don't come back 'till you've saved the free world!

(Fade in to a classy restaurant. Lounge music plays in the background behind the hubbub of people talking and glasses clinking together.)

TLTEKirby: Oh Losien, you have such beautiful eyes.

Losien: Thanks.

TLTEKirby: Oh Losien, I love you...

Losien: ...you love me?

TLTEKirby: No, that's not what I mean -

Losien: Then what do you mean?

Narrator: Fortunately for The Last True Evil, the waiter interrupts.

Waiter: And what will we be having this evening?

TLTEKirby: I'll have the special.

Waiter: And for the lady?

Losien: I guess I'll have the same.

Waiter: Two specials. Very good.

Narrator: Scooping up their menus, the waiter heads to the kitchen.

TLTE (Kirby): And I'll have a deadly knife attack!

Narrator: Kirby temporarily seizes motor control from The Last True Evil and launches his knife (sound of a blade wooshing through the air and wetly impacting with the waiter) at the hapless waiter, who falls to the floor and expires. (sound of a body crashing to the floor and a quiet death gasp from the waiter. At this point all the background noises (music, chatter, etc.) cease and there is a collective gasp from the other patrons)

TLTE (kirby): You will die and I will kill you!

TLTE: Stop it! You're ruining my date!

(long pause)

Losien: Um...why did you kill that man?

TLTE: Excuse me, my dear. I need to use the restroom.

Narrator: TLTEKirby pushes himself from the table and walks to the mens room. (sound of footsteps and an opening door) Once inside he turns the faucet and splashes cold water on his face. (sound of turning tap and running water for a few seconds, then sound of tap turning off).

TLTE: Kirby, you know this is a special night for me. Losien and I first met when I saved her from a terrible car accident, and ever since then we've had a sort of quasi-romantic relationship. Now, she's never admitted to this and I don't know if she even feels the same way, but I think that she could be just what I need to help me though this transitional phase in my life.

Kirby: You know what else might help you through this transitional phase? Going on a psychotic rampage, baby!

TLTE: Will you stop -

Kirby: Oh yeah!

TLTE: No more! We are through!

Narrator: Summoning all of his Siberian-born, Siberian-bred courage, TLTE stuffs his hand down his throat and pulls Kirby out of his essence, sucker-punching him and slamming the creature into the wall. (sounds of Kirby absorption, a punch, shattering glass and a solid smack against the wall)

TLTE: Now, I am going to go back in there and finish my nice dinner. You, on the other hand, are going to go back to the hotel and keep busy until I return.

Kirby: (groans in pain) But there's nothing to do at the hotel!

TLTE: Then maybe you shouldn't have smashed the television!

Kirby: But -

TLTE: I mean it! No explosions, no killing, no wanton mayhem and destruction!

Narrator: With that The Last True Evil stomps out of the restroom and back to his table. (all the restaurant sounds are back)

Losien: Last True Evil -

TLTE: Look, Losien, I don't have to be bulimic to see that I've been giving you the wrong impression.

Losien: What?

TLTE: You know, bulimic. Someone who reads minds?

Losien: No, I think you mean -

TLTE: I just like you, Losien.

Losien: You do?

TLTE: I do. I really do. When you first met me I was just a self-opinionated jerk, a caviler with a sexist attitude. As time passed I did manage to lose those traits but became increasingly evil, which I don't suppose went down too well in the female popularity stakes.

Losien: You figured that our all by yourself?

(they both laugh)

TLTE: Yes...and now, well, I'd just like some company. Someone to help me become a better human being. Could you be that person?

Losien: I...I guess I could try.

Narrator: The Last True Evil smiles – not the smirk reserved for gunning down an enemy nor the smug grin worn when gloating over doomsday plots, it is the sappy smile of the hopelessly in love.

TLTE: What do you say we get out of here and go for a walk?

Losien: Sure.

(sound of getting up from the table and walking away)

Narrator: Back in the restroom, Kirby recovers from his scuffle as the restaurant manager walks in.

Manager: You'll be paying for this damage!

Kirby: No, somehow I think -

(sound of Kirby absorption)

ManagerKirby and Kirby: - We'll be paying for it.

Narrator: Ares recklessly speeds though the streets of London, intent on deploying Sugar Dumpling at the Hall of Heroes and killing Gebohq once and for all.

(ambient street sounds and sound of car speeding (engine shifting gears))

British Pedestrian: Watch it!

Ares: Watch it yourself, jerk!

British Pedestrian: Bloody tourists...

(sound of tires screeching and door opening + shutting)

Narrator: Ares steps on the brake and brings his car to a halt.

Ares: That's it! Your life is over!

British Pedestrian: Is that so?

Ares: Sugar Dumpling: attack!

(pause)

British Pedestrian: Come again?

Narrator: Despite having spoken the magic words, no lasers erupt from Ares' new pet.

Ares: Sugar Dumpling?

Narrator: Ares looks around, but his puppy is nowhere to be seen.

British Pedestrian: What are you calling me?

Ares: Not you, my dog. Sugar Dumpling is the name of my dog.

British Pedestrian: I don't see a dog.

Ares: (restrained fury) I am going to find my pet dog and then I am going to return here and destroy you.

British Pedestrian: With your dog?

Narrator: Ares angrily stomps off in search of Sugar Dumpling. Nearby, The Last True Evil and Losien stroll through a park.

TLTE: My Cousin Vinnie. What an epic.

Losien: Personally, I prefer movies with a bit more oomph, you know?

TLTE: Ah! Attack of the Oomphs. Now there was a movie that...never existed.

Narrator: Losien and The Last True Evil laugh, and Losien spots a park bench.

Losien: Let's sit down.

TLTE: You know...maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.

Losien: No, stay a little longer. This is nice.

TLTE: Really?

Losien: Yeah. It's nice to be taken out by a real gentleman.

TLTE: I don't know if I'm much of a gentleman, Losien.

Losien: I think you are.

Narrator: Suddenly, a portal opens in front of the two fledgling lovers and roughly deposits Gebohq on the ground in front of them.

(sound of a thingy portal and a thud as Geb falls to the grass)

Gebohq: I swear, when I get back – The Last True Evil?! Put her down!

Losien: No, it's okay Geb -

Gebohq: MaybeChild told me all about this!

(sound of foot in face)

Losien: Stop it! We're only on our first date! He held my hand!

Gebohq: He probably infected you with a deadly virus!

Losien: Geb -

Gebohq: Don't worry – I'll beat the antidote out of him!

TLTE: (groans)

(sounds of punching continue until marked as stopping)

Gebohq: Where's your secret antidote? Where is it?

TLTE: (getting wailed on) Look...behind you...

Gebohq: (still dealing out the beats) No, I don't think we'll be falling for that one!

(punches stop)

Narrator: Behind Gebohq, a terrible monstrosity looms. With one great sweep of it's gargantuan arm the KirbyNaut swats both Gebohq and The Last True Evil into a park bench, which explodes into a thousand splinters.

(sound of Kirby punch, bodies sailing through the air and wood breaking)

KirbyNaut: Two points.

Gebohq: What the what?

TLTE: It's Kirby...

Gebohq: He's ginormous!

TLTE: He must have absorbed a sizeable chunk of the city's population to gain this much power.

KirbyNaut: And you're next.

(slow sound of Kirby absorbtion)

Losien: Hiiii-ya!

Narrator: Losien launches a powerful flying kick at the KirbyNaut, slicing clean through its pink exterior.

TLTE: Losien! You saved us!

Gebohq: Um, is it dead?

Narrator: In answer to Gebohq's question, the KirbyNaut dissolves into it's component Kirbys, leaving our heroes to deal with hundreds of individual monsters.

Gebohq: You should go, Losien. We can handle this.

TLTE: We're the professionals.

Losien: But I can't just leave you two!

TLTE: Then, my lady, brace yourself.

Gebohq: Yeah, this could get - hey look, a puppy! Here boy!

Losien: Geb – this is not the time!

(sound of Sugar Dumpling eagerly trotting over to Geb/panting and such. Background noises of the Kirby fight)

Gebohq: What's your name, boy? 'Sugar Dumpling'. Huh. ('sugar dumpling' is somewhat slowly read off of the collar) This deadly battle is no place for a cute little doggy like you.

Sugar Dumpling: Arf arf?

Narrator: At this moment, Ares, hot on his pet's trail runs into the part and spots Gebohq handling his puppy. <- this may not be nessecary

Ares: Hey, that dog belongs to me! Give it over!

Gebohq: What?

Ares: Sugar Dumpling: attack!

(sound of sugar dumpling lasers)

Narrator: Death rays randomly shoot from the Sugar Dumpling's eyes, vapourizing the Kirbys with theirmolten plasma death. Horrified, Gebohq drops the dog, which happily trots off into the night.

Gebohq: Holy God, get it away!

Ares: Hey, come back here, Sugar Dumpling!

(sound of running)

Ares: When I find that dog, you are a dead man, Gebohq. Get me? A dead man.

Narrator: Gebohq turns to survey the smouldering wreckage of the park: charred pink bodies – all that remain of the KirbyNaut and the Kirby army – litter the public space.

Gebohq: Another job well done.

Losien: Wait, what's happening?

Narrator: As Losien speaks a pulsating pink glow forms over the dead Kirbys, which gradually coalesces into a single being... (sound of pulsating hum)

Losien, Geb and TLTE: Kirby! (collective gasps of surprise)

Kirby: Didja miss me?

Gebohq: You idiot! You nearly killed us!

Kirby: It's not my fault. See, when I merged with The Last True Evil I had the good fortune of absorbing all of the traits that made him evil. Greed, anger, a thrist for world domination – they're all a part of me now.

Losien: ..So that means that The Last True Evil really is good.

Kirby: Yes, but I've become just as bad – if not worse – than he used to be. I...I feel compelled to destroy life on this planet. Funny, huh?

TLTE: Not entirely.

(sound of brief grappling/TLTEis thrown back)

Kirby: You know, it's ironic. I'm going to accomplish the very goal you've always fallen just short of, Last True Evil. With all your armies, and your communism and your hilariously retro cold war mentality, you never could get the job done.

Gebohq: What's ironic is eat this!

(incoherent war scream from Geb)

Kirby: (huffing) That isn't...irony...

Narrator: As Gebohq and Kirby struggle with one another, Losien helps The Last True Evil sit up.

Losien: It's no good. He's too strong now...

TLTE: Damn it, I am The Last True Evil! I've got to be able to stop him!

Losien: No, don't – don't think like that. We've come so far.

TLTE: What?

Losien: You're not The Last True Evil anymore. You said you wanted to change, and you are changing. It's only been a short time, but I can see it happening - you're beyond all this violence.

(pause)

TLTE: I love you, Losien. NeS quirkiness be damned.

Losien: No, wait!

(possible sound of an embrace, sound of TLTE getting up and running)

Narrator: Completely occupied with beating the life out of Gebohq, Kirby doesn't notice The Last True Evil charging at him until the ex-Soviet slams full-force into him, knocking Kirby off of Geb. The two struggle for a moment, but Kirby quickly takes the upper hand, plunging his fist into The Last True Evil's chest cavity.

TLTE: (gasp of great pain/wet punch)

Kirby: Well, I'm sorry it had to turn out like this for you, Last True Evil. But at least we got to have a little heart to heart at the end.

TLTE: (yet another painful gasp) How...very..fitting...

Narrator: Kirby staggers back in shock, staring at the hairpin firmly lodged in his heart. The Last True Evil collapses, an oddly content look on his face. As Gebohq and Losien look on, a vague blackness seeps out of Kirby's wound and vanishes into the air.

(sound of running [over to TLTE])

Losien: No!

TLTE: I think...it...worked...

Losien: Help me. Help him.

TLTE: No point...my life is done....

Gebohq: This can't be right. Heroes never die.

Losien: (crying) He was a villain, Geb. He's a hero now, but only in death.

TLTE: ...barely scraped in...but I did...

End. Cue theme music.

Here's what I've got so far. I'd appreciate feedback from the NeS writeres (or anyone else, I guess). It's kind of a lot of text (none of my formatting carried over). I'll try to get this done soon - I'm thinking I'll have some time on Wednesday, but that isn't set in stone or anything. If anyone has good ideas, post 'em.

One of the changes I wanted to work in was to have Krig and Mzzt escape from TLTEKirby in the beginning instead of being knocked out and then return to the HoH to warn the heroes after Losien and TLTE go on their date. This would 1) provide a better reason for MaybeChild to send Gebohq through the Thingy on his mission, 2) give Geb a reason to start beating on TLTE when he emerges though the portal (this makes no sense now - I wrote Geb as being totally cool with the dating thing but TLTE later wrote in a Geb fight scene) and 3) knock Super S51 and Haggis out of the cast (krig and Mzzt could replace them. Alternatively, Mzzt could be changed to Haggis in the beginning).

Gebohq (real life Gebohq, I mean) mentioned that Losien is supposed to be less confident than she comes off as. I'd be inclined to go with TLTE's strong-woman interpretation (he wrote most of the meaningful Losien parts in this storyarc anyways, so it's much less work to change it).

Also, I was thinking that TLTEKirby should be written as though nobody knows he's TLTEKirby (i.e. they all think he's just regular TLTE) until Krig and Mzzt show up at the HoH and explain how Kirby ate TLTE.

In the part where Al sells Ares Sugar Dumpling, Ares is supposed to be lifting Al off the ground by his lapels and threatening him. (I think Geb mentioned these two points to me in an email)

Hah - Just glancing over this now, it seems that I had already started changing the stuff I mentioned in the first paragraph. I must be losing my mind.

Oh, and this also needs an ending, a better description of Kirby eating TLTE and possibly a better intro.

I'll be sure to try and give this a good thorough editing, but I just wanted to touch on the point that I brought up with Tracer before about Losien. If you look at how Losien was written for back on pages 9-20-something, from the writer herself and from the others, she's written to be very lacking in self-esteem. It's what's defined her apart from the others. Having her be confident and being the epitome of females everywhere (as written by guys who nerd out on too much anime anyway) defeats that. If you all want, I can ramble on about this more. While the voice can help convey some of the insecurity/quiet such stuff, it needs to show up in the dialogue too.

I stickied the thread until we get this project rolled on with. I'm gonna edit a link to the discussion forum topic too in your first post, Tracer.

Also, I'll really try to take the time to do a line-by-line deal, but as for my "favorite part" going missing, here's the original post:

http://forums.massassi.net/vb3/showthread.php?t=18360&page=43&pp=40#post250245

It's mostly the part where Ares has Al by the collar and Al is all "uh..." and Ares says something like "What? I'm plotting here!" and he asks if it'll be cash or check. It's a minor point, but still, something I wanted to say.

for starters, awesome job.

second, i don't think the narrator needs to interject quite so often when we'll be having sound effects. we have some talented people here, whose acting seems to be decent, some of the things like

Narrator: An evil smile forms on the Last True Evil's face.

or


Narrator: Bitter tears fall from Losien's face.

can be conveyed through the acting.

and somethings like the sound of a pool cue on galvs head, not really necessary. some dialogue could be added instead. i.e.

Galv: You put a dent in my head!

Gebohq: So, what's it going to be, Last True Evil? One final explosive showdown so destructive it could prove to be the end of us all?

Kirby: Yes!

TLTE: No!

Gebohq: Okay?

Galv: Seriously, that hurt man!

TLTEKirby: What I mean is that I wish to speak with Losien.

Losien: Oh, hi Last True Evil.

Galv: Hello, can a robot get an apology?

Geb: *sound effect again* Shut up.

Galv: okay...

Losien: Oh, hi, Last True Evil.

catch my meaning?

the suddenlys this happened, and such can still be there, but the short narrations dont really flow with the rest. i think that maybe the narrator plays a smaller role in the radio than in the story itself. radio is supposed to be about imagination, not someone telling you what to see.

long action scenes and such the narrator can really shine. i think i've made that point.

you know what, i'm a bit too tired for this right now, but i'll get back to this a little later.

I agree 100% with Ford.

(btw, if you want to hear some example of radio broadcasts, check out Adventures in Odyssey. It's a children's Christian broadcast, so it's a touch corny, but then, so is NeS. You'll find some good examples of properly used sound effects, though. (I reccomend The Search for Whit parts 1-3)

I've made a few changes. The action with MZZT and Krig now more directly ties in with the story later on, and Gebohq has a reason to come out of the portal wailing on TLTE (I'm not sure if TLTE the real person's intent was for Geb to be beating on TLTE because he was smooching with Losien or just because he was a bad guy. I've gone with the bad guy line of reasoning). Here's the rest of my plan (hopefully this weekend):

1. Rejig the narration.
2. Add a short scene where TLTE is running through London to another safe house (right after he escapes through the window).
3. Include that part about Al (you mentioned this to me in email, Geb, but I misunderstood and thought you were talking about something else).
4. Changes to Losien (maybe)

I think that TLTE's Losien dialogue already works really well. I'm reluctant to take out something good and replace it with something potentially less good, and it's also going to mean more work doing rewrites. I don't think it's too big a deal if Losien doesn't match up entirely with her persona in NeS. That said, I do respect your opinions Geb (and everybody) and I'm interested in what you have to say, so if you think it would be better to change it, I can change it.

On that note, what do you guys think of my dialogue? You don't need to do a blow-by-blow analysis of every line - just mention anything that sticks out as clunky or bad (like Ford has done).

A'ight, here's my comments on the current revision. First, the specifics:



I feel like there's a joke being made about London being non-descript, but it's brushed by or something. Also, the next sentence should probably read "The man is a former Soviet agent known asThe Last True Evil." It's certainly not wrong the way it is, but it might help make it clearer that TLTE is called "The Last True Evil."



I'm quite aware that this could be one of those "I'm foreign and I sometimes speak English funny" lines, but I don't think that's what you were going for here. Whatever the case, it sounds awkward, and I think it'd be better as something like "TLTE: As the Americans say, "Catch you later!""



Kirby's line should read "Don't worry guys, I'll get him!" Also, There should probably be some clarification on how the TLTEKirby combination leaves him mostly still looking like TLTE. Something like "Narrator: With a deep breath, Kirby inhales The Last True Evil. A violent flash blinds everyone momentarily, and when they regain their vision, Kirby is no where to be found. The Russian is staggering, but then regains his composure."



Because of my previous suggestion, you might wish to have a line before MZZT's "Kirby?" where TLTEKirby starts to laugh evil-like, to establish Kirby's voice as part of TLTE's now or the like. I'm also debating whether MZZT should say something like "What just happened?" instead of "Gross," mostly because I find "Gross" to be funny.



Some Narrator tags are missing, and there's the inconsistancy with TLTEKirby having left, running down the streets of London and then being in a hotel room. My suggestion would be that, instead of TLTEKirby leaving the hotel scene, TLTEKirby dramatically pulls out a gun and aims it at MZZT and Krig. MZZT then pulls Krig and himself out of the scene, where he says how the situation's gotten horribly worse, and how they need to regroup back to the Hall of Heroes etc. etc. like you have already. That way, TLTEKirby can stay where they are, have the comic parts with watching Oprah and the agents bursting in and such. Something like this:

TLTEKirby: I'm afraid not.

MZZT: Please?

TLTEKirby: Your little Viking friend may have foiled my plans for nuclear winter...

The Last True Evil draws a pistol with deliberate, dramatic grace and points it at the heroes. The part of the Russian agent that is now Kirby only makes him somehow appear more dangerous than before.

TLTEKirby: ...but you will leave now. I will make my return soon enough.

MZZT: Uh...good idea. Come on, Krig!

Sounds of running.

MZZT: We'd better be getting back to the Hall of Heroes. Who knows what the terrible consequences could result from Kirby inadvertantly combining himself with The Last True Evil? Gebohq and the others have got to be warned!

Krig: Krig hungry.

MZZT: (annoyed) ...and you're hungry. Because that's another good reason on top of that stuff I just said.

Narrator: Meanwhile, back at the hotel room, The Last True Evil holsters his pistol back in place.

Kirby: Excellent! Now to stage my evil plot to be rid of those meddling heroes...

Narrator: The Last True Evil looks at himself in a mirror.

Kirby: What's wrong? We need to keep up a brave face, and we – that is, you – don't look at all evil!

Etc. etc.... something like that.



There should be something equivilant of a beat in what TLTE just said. Something as simple as "Kirby: W...What?" should be plenty. Also, I think we should have TLTE say "I think that perhaps I should visit my old nemesis' sister, Losien." It'll help establish Geb's role a little more later on, and I don't think TLTE would have ever considered Losien his nemesis, even if she did fight alongside the heroes.



While I'm happy you worked more of the original post into this draft earlier, one of my favorite parts is still missing here. Basically, it was something like:

Ares: Fine, fine, Al. I'll take it.

Al: Sir?

Ares: What is it? Can't you see I'm plotting the demise of Gebohq and his friends?

Al: Credit or check, sir?

This way, Al can sound scared/choked when he says "sir" and more sales-pitchy when he asks for credit or check.



This part always confused me. Why helicopter some 2 miles from a hotel in London to another part of London? TLTEKirby's line, while possibly just a random observation, seems out of place as well. I'd suggest that they arrive by car, not by helicopter, and maybe add something about traffic in TLTEKirby's line... I dunno.



Ford's the one that actually pointed this out to me. Geb sounds like he's about to make a "this or that" statement, but never states the "that" part. An easy way to fix this would have him simply say "or what?" at the end.



I love it! Your re-working of MZZT and Krig earlier makes this whole scene awesome and funny! My only suggestions would be to remember to edit Krig's line so that TLTE is no longer jumping out the window in Krig's recounting. Something should probably be mentioned again about how Geb doesn't seem concerned that his sister is going out with TLTE.



Needs Narrator or sound effect tag, whichever wanted here.



The last sentence doesn't make sense now. TLTE should probably tell Kirby to simply wait in the bathroom until he (TLTE) can think of what to do with him, or simply tell Kirby to stay out of his way.



It's a bad joke. They had been presumably talking about movies before, and TLTE is just using a movie title as an adjective. Probably best to make it a straight line, or change the line, or nix it all together.



The premises being made here should be rephrased IMO. I'll talk about that later.



Narrator tag needed.

And now for the general notes that I can't really pinpoint and give specific revisions on and such:

OK, so some of the above points I mentioned before, and some might become moot points (looking over the replies made afterwards) and Ford already made mention of the Narrator stuff, which I agree with.

The beginning seems fine to me. The END, however, does need to be better concluded. I wish I could better help in this department.

Note a script note, but do we want to have the actor for Kirby read TLTE's lines after he records them and visa versa for the parts where it's TLTEKirby and they're tlaking to each other? Then maybe it could be mixed so that when they're talking to each other, the one not talking is still quitely echoed in the background, and when they're talking to others, they can be more combined/equal? Not entirely sure how well that'd work.

As for Losien, my major concern simply within this storyarc is that a girl who isn't into villainy takes up an interest in someone who's a villain. Perhaps a scene in the park, right before they kiss, could have some dialogue where Losien tells TLTE that she sees the nice guy in him, and that she feels special being asked out on a date by such an honor-bound, romantic type or the like. This would actually be in her character too, as most of the guys who'd have taken an interest in her would have probably been crude, non-romantic types and the like. Most of the lines could likely appease my preference simply by how the line is read, so it's not too big of a deal.

The part with TLTE and Losien kissing seemed weird. I think my suggestion I just made would help make it work more.

Geb and TLTE fighting together against the KirbyNaut seemed strange in the context of this stand-alone storyarc. Maybe a simple "making a truce against a common enemy" addition would work?

The part where Sugar Dumpling takes out the KirbyNaut thing should probably make note of Geb dodging the attack, or turning Sugar Dumpling away... something to further emphasis the accidential heroics aspect. *shrug*

My last note simply deals with the premise of TLTE's evil in Kirby and visa-versa, particularly the line I pointed out earlier. It's a note that, within the context of this storyarc doesn't really matter (so if you ignore this note I'll understand) but in the whole of NeS I think is pretty important. The idea that TLTE's evil affected Kirby and Kirby's goodness affected TLTE was meant to be less literal -- the transformation was meant to be merely a trigger for TLTE to explore his good side (as especially right now in NeSquared we're discovering that he's meant to be NeS's ultimate villain, that he's doing morally questionable things to keep his love for Losien, etc. etc.) and perhaps show a threatening side of Kirby. The line about "TLTE has no fault" seems to be really misleading, and the literal evil seeping out of Kirby and such.... like I said, if you don't change it, I'm not losing any sleep over it. This is more a point I wanted to make to the NeS writers for the NeS as a whole and less a point for this radio script.

I think that's all I got. I'll try what I can to encourage assigning parts so we can get some recording done, but I'm also trying not to be the "lead" of this project, if only because I really don't have the time to do so. Oy. We'll see how things go.

So like, I was gonna offer my comments on the script, but then Geb said them all, so yeah. Go Geb!

Need any help, Tracer?

Yknow Geb we should really try moving the project forward a stage next week or the week after.

I'm in the middle of exams right now (this whole past month has been pretty brutal). But yeah, if someone wants to do a rewrite, be my guest. (my suggestion would be to work on the ending confrontation or tackle the whole Losien aspect)

Okay, I did some fixing. Sorry for sucking so badly about getting this done in a reasonable amount of time.

I'm pretty happy with the beginning. I think that the story is pretty coherent until Losien and TLTE go for their stroll (though I haven't proof-read what I just posted, so there may be some mistakes). My next big thing is to work on the fight scene, the ending and the whole date with Losien (particularly when she and TLTE kiss). When I finish that the plan is do another proof reading sweep and tighten stuff up (remove the narrator, etc.). I should have kept a running tally of my changes, but here's what I remember:



Heh, yeah. At the time I didn't realize that the entire situation took place in the Hall of Heroes.



I'd like to leave this in, if you don't mind. I think it might work when spoken (even if it is technically wrong).

I made a several other smallish changes. How do you like it now?

(by the way, I intend to get to the date/fight scene in a couple of hours. Just as soon as I'm recovered from this first bout of writing)

Okay, I give up. I wrote a bunch of stuff which sucked. I'm coming back to this tomorrow.

I'm not terribly concerned about stylizing the dialogue -- the voice actors will likely stylize it themselves, altering words for better word flow and such. I'm more concerned with content/character shtuff, and ye olde plot.

Would you mind Tracer if I just went ahead and mod-edited your post with the script? I'll list the stuff I changed in a new post. I figure it'd be easier than posting, then you altering, maybe missing stuff, posting again, etc.

Sure. What kind of stuff do you have?

Mostly stuff I already commented on... >.>

it doesnt. which is part of why i havent done the "audition" for the part of Geb, yet. it just feels akward coming out of my mouth, and sounds worse. perhaps someone else could do it, but to me it feels wrong.

.002 (cents, not dollars :P)

More edits (though I haven't proofread my work yet). The fight scene has been reworked. Hopefully now it's got less "Gebohq punches X. X punches Gebohq" narrator exposition.

Oh and Geb, if you do edit stuff, would you mind posting what you change? It would help my sanity and probably avoid setting of an accidental wikipedia-style editing war.

Great work, Tracer! It's looking awesome. Here's some of my thoughts:

1. There needs to be more exposition for Krig eating nuclear device. Right now it's just sound effects, and I think it will be difficult to convey with sound effects alone. We need something like:

MZZT: "Krig! Disable the nuclear device!"
Krig: *gulp*
MZZT: "...or just, y'know, eat it..."

2. I think there needs to be a clearer explanation of what happened with TLTE and Kirby. Perhaps something like:

TLTEKirby:(evilly laugh) I'm afraid that your little friend's heriocs have gone horribly wrong.

Mzzt: For us or for you?

TLTEKirby: For you. You see, when your pudgy pink creature absorbed me, it didn't count on my indominable Russian will! He sought to absorb me, but I have absorbed him! My original plan called for a worldwide nuclear holocaust - quite pedestrian, but then that is what one would expect of single mind in a single body.


3. Somehow the Kirby/TLTE conversations need to be more obviously one guy talking to himself rather than two seperate guys talking. Maybe just have the Narrator explain that he's talking to himself or something. Otherwise it could be taken as two separate people talking back and forth.

4. Geb is unusually calm after TLTE leaves. This needs to be explained -- Perhaps after Losien says: "Of course it's safe, silly! The Last True Evil was just being a sweetie. You are so cute," just have Geb go "Oh. Ok," indicating that Geb has accepted Losien's explanation and is no longer worried about TLTE being evil.

5.

"...then we jump out window." Just for the sake of clarity. I think Geb mentioned this earlier, too.

[QUOTE=Krig the Viking]...TLTEKirby: For you. You see, when your pudgy pink creature absorbed me, it didn't count on my indominable Russian will! He sought to absorb me, but I have absorbed him!...[/QUOTE]

Oh man! This is too easy!

"In Soviet Russia, I absorb HIM!"

"Huh? That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Do you want me to shoot you?"

"No, please."

Wow. An entire power is now at TLTE's disposal for future NeS posts...

EDIT: If some of you want a more serious context, such an ability would certainly be synonnymous with the ability endowed to any antagonist.

Bwahaha, yes, awesome!

I addressed all of your points Krig. Good ideas all(especially the 'in Soviet Russia' joke, Geb. I can't believe I didn't think of that one!). So, as usual, post your thoughts.



Good lord, no.

I'm not sure what to do about TLTEKirby. I was thinking a normal TLTE voice for all conversations with outsiders and some kind of effect (like an echo or something) applied to Kirby's and TLTE's voices when they're conversing (and TLTE is essentially talking to himself).

Even more changes. The story reads without any plot inconsistancies, and I've gotten to the point where some of my edits are getting a bit inconsequential (like swapping one word for another, etc.). We can always add or remove lines, too (for instance if there's too much narrator, or not enough).

What do you guys think (Baconfish? Geb? Krig?)?



I was thinking we could have some kind of effect on the TLTE and Kirby voices when they talk to one another, maybe an echo, but when TLTEKirby speaks to the outside world it's TLTE's voice.

Awesome awesome. Any further glitches are so minor they can be worked out in the recording process. I think we're ready to start recording, how about you all?

I'm with Krig on this one. Do you want to work out who's who again, Tracer? I seem to remember agreeing with you on the ones you suggested before -- we could at least get them to record their lines while we figure out the other parts, yes?

Was it Krig, Molly, Sajn and Tony?

If so, then yes.

Sajn: Al (second sample), Galvatron, MZZT?
Tony: Waiter, Agent 2
Molly: Losien
Krig: Krig, TLTE, Kirby (in his Geb voice), Narrator

Krig -- Since doing the Narrator, TLTE AND Kirby is a lot, we might consider having SAJN try reading for Kirby.

Parts we still need filled off the top of my head:
Geb
Agent 1
Ares
Maybechild
probably others

We might be able to use myself, Baconfish, and some of the others for the smaller parts. I'll try and get a hold of molly about her part as soon as I can.

I've always imagined Ares with a voice somewhere between Clint Eastwood and a Mafia guy. If ya need me to, I can probably do that.

So anyway, should I get started on recording my parts? This'll be fun...

I sort of imagined him (Ares) as a no-nonsense mafia-type when I edited the dialogue.

And I was thinking there might be some way to alter Molly's voice for MaybeChild if we can't get a second lady actor.

And yes, Kirg, record away.

Question: How do you pronounce "MZZT"? Is it like /mzt/, or more like /em-zee-zee-tee/? I've always said /mzt/, myself.

I don't suppose MZZT himself is around...

Ah, crap. I think you should say either 'The Mega ZZTer' or just 'Mega ZZTer'. I changed that for TLTE but I forgot MZZT.

Ok, so I finished recording the Narrator's lines. That is surprisingly exhausting. Where should I send them, and in what format?

As for MZZT, I just said /em-zee-zee-tee/ and figured it would be clear enough. It's just that one spot, anyway.

There were a couple spots where I changed a word or two around to make it flow better verbally, but nothing too major. I'm going to add TLTE calling MZZT and Krig by their names when they first burst in, so that the listeners can connect the names with the people. Other than that, there's one point where the Narrator narrates TLTE and Losien laughing and then spotting a park bench which I feel could be better accomplished by dialogue. As follows:



I'm really, really looking forward to the finished product, especially if we get some nice high-quality sound-effects. It'll rock.

That depends. When we were discussing this I asked Sajn if he could do the take everybody's samples and combine them. I'll PM Sajn in a minute and try to get him to post here.

I volunteered to put it all together and add sound effects if necessary. I enjoy sound editing. I'll be recording my lines in a bit. Also, I don't remember doing a Kirby voice so I'm not sure what Geb wants me to do for that. Also, not all the parts are taken, so maybe for now we can have 'second choices' voice some of the cast for now so we can assemble this.

That may not be nessecary...when Geb posted that thread Krig hadn't made his return and I wasn't sure if you were still interested (since I let the project languish for so long). *shrug* I guess we'll see what's left over after the main lines get recorded.

My thinking on Kirby was to have him be kind of eager/chipper in the begining and then eager/evil (like he's got just as much enthusiasm as before, except now it's put towards mayhem and destruction). Geb can post his thoughts.

And feel free to change wordings slightly, like Krig was saying.

And I failed at spelling 'Krig' twice.

I asked you SAJN because I went into a lapse of idiocy and didn't think that you never tried out, only that you're awesome voice-acting is only second to Krig's. If you don't wanna do it, we'll figure something out, assuming Krig doesn't pwn and just do both like suggested before.

EDIT: And ditto on what Tracer said.

So I'm sending this stuff to SAJN, right? Do you want them in raw .wav format, or should I convert them to .mp3? Should I e-mail them or post them somewhere or what?

I prefer .mp3, but .wav is just as good. It doesn't matter to me.

Do you have an e-mail address or something I could send them to?