Alex knew this was bad. It was quite obvious. Never before had the dead.. done anything, actually. But now they were attacking people, everywhere in Badger City. Every person they killed became a zombie. It would only be a matter of time before the zombies would reach his apartment complex, so he immediately loaded up his car with food, water, blankets, and a toaster. He had his .357 magnum revolver his dad gave him.. he knew for sure it would prove useful.

As Alex reached the border of the town, still cramped with people, it was an easy move to pass all of the oversized vehicle, and reach the border in relatively an hour, until he was stopped. By a military tank. There were numerous soldiers setting up barricades, and locking the populace into Badger City. Suddenly, gunshots and yelling began, and Alex turned to see...

His grandmother who had been zombiefied throwing dead kittens at him.

Alex jumped out of his car and threw the toaster at his grandmother. He hit dead on. Secretly, he had always wanted to hit his grandmother with that toaster. She had given it to him thinking he was getting married. Even in her zombied state, he still figured she thought he was married. Her logic? How could someone of his age *not* be married? His life was lonely and he had put in many hour of practice and it finally paid off. One of the kittens was not dead, so he placed it in his pocket. He figured it would come into use at some point.

He did so because he remembered reading somewhere that it might be dangerous to go alone. The sign he had read it on showed two hands holding a kitten with the phrase, "take this" underneath.

Alex looked around him, confused. The soldiers were dropping like flies as pieces of rotting flesh flew throughout the air. He picked up an M4 and began to charge the blockade...

Alex then took some drugs, in hopes that he wouldn't be so freaked out about the zombies. However, they didn't seem to be working the way he was expecting...

(They did, however, get rid of some of the exclaimation marks in the subject line of the thread...

EDIT: Or WOULD if he could... grrr...)

The pills had a berserk affect on Alex; not a thing was remembered.
Alex began to hear voices.
"He's waking." "I can't believe it."
Alex woke to the sight of two men and a woman. One of the men was apparently a doctor, not Dr Mcninja or anything, but Alex wasn't complaining. The other man was black and appeared to be military. This guy reminds me of the black dude from Halo, thought Alex. The woman had brown hair was wearing a simple t-shirt, and jeans, yet had an aura of authority surrounding her. Oh crap I wasn't dreaming

"Alex," started the doctor, "Do you know where you are?"
"Cut the crap, doc." Interrupted the military man, "Alex, the way you took on those zombies was amazing! You were tearing those guys apart with your bare hands! So, are you a Marine?" Alex gave a puzzling look, "...An army boy?"

All of a sudden, Alex remembered it all. I kicked ***! He stood on his hospital bed everyone was staring at him, his eyes with a fierce glow, "No... I play video games..."

The military man exclaimed: "Video games! You mean like that VR crap that is supposed to make people like Snake? Stop lying, you ****ing ****! You must be a spy for the soviets!"
Doctor: "Hubert, please, stop yelling, hes not a spy. I am!"
Hubert: "Shut the **** up Mr. I-Have-A-PhD!"
Doctor: "Well I did go to college, and had a job at black mesa..."

[That last sentence was a work of art. Excellent timing.]
Doctor: " I had escaped with calhoun and now im just trying to live with this mess that Freeman guy made. If i ever get my hands on..."

"Doc! Theres something outside!":Mr.Halo exclaimed as if it were the last image he ever saw.

It was whole army of zombies. atleast 1000

The zombies milled about aimlessly, as zombies are want to do. They smelled food, somewhere, but lacking the cognitive facilities of the common ant, they relied upon chance to seize upon it. It was still a mystery, how beings incapable of digestion and lacking the ability to taste would so crave the savor of human flesh, but once they knew it was nearby, nothing could stop them. Except, of course, for a five foot chain link fence.
The nearest zombies piled against it, and reached through it towards their hapless prey. Snipers on the hospital roof began taking shots, but really, they shouldn't have. The zombies were still three dozen yards away. As they fell, their brains - the only organ in their decaying body that still functioned, thanks to the salloleum virus - splattered across their moaning companions. The dead zombies quickly formed a ramp over the low fence, and the horde began to flow over. The fence buckled under the weight of the zombies stumbling over it's top and a great hole opened in it.
A thousand mobile dead poured through the gap and staggered dumbly towards the smell of food, ready to tear human flesh in a rush to fill their useless stomachs.

As Alex saw this terrible mass of human flesh, he suddenly recalled the kitten in his pocket.

He knew that only the kitten could save them from this horror, so he took the kitten out, and hucked it at the zombies.

The kitten began ripping the zombies apart, moving and tearing faster, until it was a furious ball of enraged cat.

Soon, every zombie within a thousand foot radius of the hospital was dead, however, there still were many more to come. The kitten ran away.

And then a portal opened up and headcrabs spewed out,

And Gman mysteriously appeared for a second, then vanished.

The headcrabs started zombiefieng the roof snipers.

As the snipers clatered to the ground amist the groans and wales of newborn zombies hell was breaking loss in the facility.

12 Alien grunts came out of the portal... Then it collapsed.

Alex was suddenly transported away to a small shack in the middle of he a desert.

Much to Alex's chagrin, there were no video games in the blistering hot desert. Only the telltale wailing of vultures stimulated him the way videos games once had. He lay on his back and stare, in total amazement, at the birds circling over him. The motion remind him of a targeting reticle, but he couldn’t get it to move. It frustrated him that he was staring at the sky, as if his controller was broken, or worse. He was a noob at this game and couldn’t go where he wanted to go.

His thoughts soon drifted from video games to a realm of strange abstract events and fantasies from his life only hours before. The total ownage of zombies, the fierce kitten, the strange feeling that he should go to Toshi Station and pick up some power converters. . .

But of course there was no Toshi station, as hours of wandering taght him. He saw an osprey VTOL fly overhead and some odd alien thingy "Fly" after it.

Turning his attention away from the unfamiliar denizens of the skies and his sad lack of power converters, Alex took a moment to evaluate his own condition. He found that if he concentrated hard, he could almost imagine himself beginning to feel more and more dehydrated out in this desert. His concentration was broken by the sudden realization that he actually was feeling more and more dehydrated, and this breaking of his concentration made him feel perfectly fine once more. He continued on his way.

And continued....And continued....and continued...
And continued....And continued....and continued...
And continued....And continued....and continued...

Until he started hearing gun fire in the distance. He found that kitten on his way. Thing looked really thirsty.

And the kitten went RAWR.

And spat out a load of .257 bullets.
Which did no good because he had a .357.

He continued on his way.

And he left Badger City, continuing on his was to find some video games.

He stumbled upon the dump where all the old ET games were buried by atari.

He decided to pass it up, because obviously those games sucked horribly.

Alex heard a noise behind, him, and he turned to see a zombie 2 feet away.

Hmm.
Alex noticed the large pit right behind the Zombie and instantly knew what he must do.

"THIS IS SPARTA!!" screamed Alex as he kicked the zombie into the pit.

Man I am SO awesome! he thought as the zombie plummeted, I can't wait to tell my all my friends what I just did!

Alex wondered why he thought that. He then stumbles across an abondoned humvee.

As he approached the humvee, he haplessly stepped on a bear trap which broke his right leg like a twig. He assumed he would instantly pass out due to the pain, but he had no such luck.

It turned out that it was actually just a twig that was in his leg that snapped and the pain was all made up. Then he stepped on an oddly placed rake and got smaked in the [MAN ZONE]. He then passed out.

When Alex woke up from unsettled dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous hamster.

No, that's wrong.

When Alex woke up, he found himself lying exactly where he had been when he had passed out. There were no zombies about, the rake was lying at his feet, and the bear trap was still clamped tightly on his ankle. In short, everything was as it had been.

"My balls hurt," he said to no one in particular. Certainly not to the rake. We're no longer on speaking terms.

He tried to get up, but quickly ascertained that he'd be going nowhere so long as he was wearing the bear trap as an anklet.

Suddenly, he noticed long ropes streched accross trees, which has dynamite on each side.

Why he "suddenly" noticed them he couldn't say. He blamed the rake. IN any case, it didn't much change his situation. Alex attempts to pry the trap open, to free his ankle.

"I could really use some friends," he said. A zombie shuffles his way, arms stretched out as if he wanted a hug.

"Hmm. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I was meant to be a zombie. And what nice hair it has..."

Before Alex could consider the cost of un-life insurance, a rather live-looking woman with blonde hair wearing jeans and a black tank-top bursts into the scene and throws a box of cereal at the zombie. The zombie immediately claws into the box, muttering graaiiiiiiiiins...

"What the--" Alex said.

"It's a vegetarian zombie," the woman said. "Note its luxorious hair. I'm with 4A."

"What?"

"The Arbor Abuse Awareness Association. My name is Alex." The woman extends her hand.

"Alex... Rovais?"

"What? No. Adam. Alex Adam. What's yours?"

"Alex Robin..." the guy said.

"Well, we certainly can't have two Alexes around. What's your middle name?"

"Chris...hey! I was around here first! Why can't you go by your middle name?"

"Which one?" the woman asked. "There's my given one, "Aran," and there's my confirmation name, "Sam.""

"Samus?"

"What's wrong with you?" said the woman. "Ah hell, nevermind. We'll figure out names later."

The woman tosses the trap that she had been busy getting off of the guy (what, you didn't notice?) and helps him up.

"So, what now?"

Alex felt a lot better now that he was a bit more mobile again.

"Is your leg OK?," asked the female Alex.

"Yeah, seems to be fine," replied Alex. "I think I'll call you Sam. I had a hamster called Sam once you know..."

"Really?" Sam was surprised. "How rather uninventive."

"Rather a hamster than a confirmation name," muttered Alex.

"What?"

"Nothing..."

Alex observed the cereal obsessed zombie for a few moments then returned to the situation in hand. What were they going to do? And what was this A society thing. Sounded all a bit pretentious to him.

"So what was this 4A malarchy thing?" he asked, somewhat confused.

"Oh its a secret society. Membership isn't too cheap. We have been watching this day come for a long time." She nodded wisely.

Alex decided that Sam had a few screws loose and thought perhaps he would say his goodbyes graciously and head off into the distant horizon. Maybe he would take the vegetarian zombie with him as a pet, or a friend, one of the two. He wanted to call the zombie Sam as well.

"Right." He nodded confidently to assure her that she was making perfect sense, wondering how to phrase his next words carefully. "I guess I'll be heading off now then." He paused, remembering to be polite. "Nice to meet you and all that. Thanks for the help."

"Oh don't be silly," she laughed. "I was sent to help you. We have a lot at stake here, of course!" She gave him a friendly jostle. "Right, lets get out of here!"

Sam marched off abruptly leaving Alex little time to protest. One thing was for sure, things were not all as they seemed. He was rather hungry though. What was that Sam had mentioned about steak? He'd better keep up. He couldn't believe a woman would be able to make him chase after like that but then Sam was a feisty one. Quite attractive as well, he decided.

Left behind, zombie Sam muttered his frustrations and devoured the rest of the grain. All he wanted was a hug...


[Woo, first proper ISB post, *humps Gebohq*]

As the pair wandered they found an abandoned barracks [Plot hole- THERE IN A DESERT!] and stockpiles of guns and tanks... And several hundred hungry zombie soldiers!

It seemed only natural to Alex-Chris that the barracks would be abandoned -- After all, I'd have left too once this desert showed up -- but what he couldn't figure out was why the zombies were still here.

"Hey Alex!" he shouted.

"Yeah!" he replied enthusiastically. No! We are not having this conversation again, he thought. "Er, Sam!"

"What's up?" Sam shouted back over her shoulder.

"Do zombies like hot and arid climates?" Alex asked, hoping the answer would be no.

"Oh, they don't really care so much," the Alex who wasn't Chris answered, "so long as it's sunny. For their tans, you see."

Chris did see, and what he saw, he didn't like: A column of well-tanned and equally well-armed zombies advancing toward them.

(Man, I'd forgotten how much fun the ISB can be.)

So, doing what every persone with a mind would do, he got into a tank and [Thank god for fool proof war machines] push the stick marked "steer" forward and put the throttle up and as Sam got in she put certain.. body parts in his face while she was going to the turret shooting thingy.

[Must...Breathe...Life...into...bloated...corpse...]
When she got her hand stuck his face he remarked that it smelt of chickan.
"Well zombies taste like chicken don't they? Seems resona..."
At this point Alex took it upon himself to hurl out the window. As it happens barf attracts zombies.

"You fool!"

[For the love of god can't someone help me here?!?!]

Suddenly for no reason at all a chunk of something-or-other fell from the sky. It hit one of the zombos square on the head with a splat.

As all the zombies darted over to make use of this food Alex took it upon himself to drive the tank over them.

At first, everything was going well. When doesn't it go well when squishing zombies with a tank? Well, when there's too many of them, and they start climbing onto the tank, and reaching ever-closer to Alex...

((I'm going to see if I can't flag down some attention to this thread via my signature.))

When suddenly the earth opened up around them spewing molten rock and ash.

...and out crawled the Tiberium Empire monster. It was huge! Alex darted from the driving controls to the cannon controls and swiveled the tank's turret to face this gargantuan beast.

The monster bellowed, "I'm baAaAaAaAaAck! And NOW I'M NOT SO SHORT!!!"

Before Alex fired his cannon, however, he noticed that Tiberium Empire was more interested in gobbling up the zombies than paying attention to the tank.