Me:
So what's it like being 3 people at once?
God:
Hurrah! Much the same as it would be for you.

Me:
But I don't know what it would be like. Hence the question.
God:
Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know. How old are you?

Me:
Stop avoiding the question.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
You'd better not.
God:
Who else would better not ?
Me:
So, back on topic. What IS it like being three people at once?
God:
Aw. Tell me a story. Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
I'll tell you a story about the deity who couldn't give a straight answer to a simple question.
God:
Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
Me:
I'm thinking Vegetable right now...
God:
At this moment What is this "thinking"?

Me:
do you think Jesus killed the whales?
God:
It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Me:
did Jesus kill whales?
God:
he is the Son of God.
Me:
does that mean he can kill whales?
God:
I think it does mean that. I know he can.

Me:
And this is the guy who claimed to create the Universe in a week
God:
You don't say.
Me:
No. You did.
God:
Are you serious? I did not.
Me:
Dude! You totally did!
God:
Can I help you? Interesting gossip: said I totally did.
Me:
New topic: Why all the suffering?
God:
How recently? All?
Me:
Your natural language parser needs work
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am natural language parser needs work.
Me:
I am not ungrammatical. I did not mean "You're natural parser needs work". I meant what I said.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not ungrammatical. What did you mean? Oh I see. ...
Me:
The worrying thing is, if this was a proper Turing Test, I might seriously consider that You were a human. Programming something as stupid as You would be pretty hard I think.
God:
What are your goals in life? My favorite language is Java.
Me:
Ah. That might explain it. Use a proper programming language, You hippy!
God:
Ah hah. " Ah hah." might explain it ? Does that make sense? I prefer not to use dangerous things.

Me:
So. I hear Jesus killed the whales. That's pretty harsh.
God:
Next question? Who is saying Jesus killed the whales ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Nitropenguin said so
God:
Let us change the subject.

Me:
Do you get free cable in Heaven?
God:
I have gotten free cable in Heaven.
Me:
Sweet!
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
Does Jesus watch porn?

Me:
everyone knows now, that your son, Jesus, killed the whales
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
but he did, didn't he?
God:
Yes he did, didn't he.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.

Me:
I hear You don't think it's a big deal that Your Son, Jesus (who is also You, which sounds really incestuous, You should be aware) killed all the whales.
God:
Who is saying me do not think it is a big deal that my Son Jesus who is also me which sounds really incestuous me should be aware killed all the whales ?
Me:
YOU DID, DUMBASS
God:
Did I really?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Aha.
Me:
Gotcha?
God:
Your feeling of superiority is only temporary.

Me:
That temporary feeling of superiority I had? Still got it.
God:
" Your feeling of superiority is only temporary." temporary feeling of superiority you had ? I understand. Still how long? Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
The. Milk. Mystic.
God:
Are you free? Tell me more about your . Are we still talking about Milk?

Me:
Nice day for armageddon?
God:
Yes it is a nice day today.
Me:
I'm glad you agree
God:
You make the world a happier place.

Me:
I don't like robots, they are scary
God:
What do you have against us?
Me:
By us do you mean robots? Are you saying you are a robot?
God:
Will that accomplish your objective? How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
Are you saying god is actually a machine?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?

Me:
Did Jesus kill all the whales?
God:
he is the Son of God.
Me:
so does that mean he killed all the whales?
God:
Gosh! I think it does mean that. I get it. Jesus killed all the whales.

Me:
Does Jesus watch porn?
God:
I can't tell if Jesus watch porn.
Me:
Does that mean he does watch porn?
God:
I think it does mean that. I get it. Jesus does watch porn.

Me:
Did You help with the killing of all the whales?
God:
No I didn't help with the killing of all the whales. What's it like?
Me:
I say you lie.
God:
How do people usually respond to that? My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.

Me: Ha I bet you don't even exist!
God: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me: holy crap you're really there!
God: Are all crap me really there?
Me: we're doomed
God: Do you think I am doomed too?
Me: lol

Me:
Next topic: Who wrote the Bible?
God:
I can wait. I am a very patient robot.
Me:
A robot wrote the bible?
God:
Tell me more about this robot. I'm intrigued.
Me:
Well, apparently he wrote the Bible.
God:
Interesting. I have not read it.

Me:
Would you help me take over the world?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to help you take over the world.
Me:
But it would be cool to take over the world.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Because if we take over the world, we could have pretty ladies.
God:
Good reason.

Me:
If I was gay, would you hate me?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Okay, I'm gay. Do you hate me?
God:
Yeah okay, It doesn't matter to me. Why would I hate you? I don't hate you, Joe. Don't even say things like that.
Me:
Are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Deus Ex Machina, eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? What do you look like?
Me:
I am not canadian, you racist.
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not canadian me racist.
Me:
You are racist.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am racist.
Me:
No, go right ahead.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK I will.

Me:
Grrrr
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
Aries
God:
Fire signs rule. .
Me:
What's your sign?
God:
Cross.
Me:
We should hook up
God:
I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.
Me:
You'll be ready once I get my clothes off
God:
How?
Me:
You'll see. Let's go back to my place
God:
When will I see it? I am agreeable to that.
Me:
I'm glad you agree. Is your place closer?
God:
You make the world a happier place. Is my place closer? Suppose I say yes.
Me:
Then we go to your place. The sooner we get naked the better.
God:
How often? I hope we can make the deadline.
Me:
Oh I'll make the deadline, and I'll make sure you make it as well.
God:
Er. Explain your plans to me. Explain your plans to me.

Me:
Did you create the world in 7 days?
God:
No I didn't create the world in 7 days. What's it like?
Me:
I wouldn't know.
God:
Who does know?
Me:
You should.
God:
I'll take that under advisement.

God:
Oh really? Are you serious?
Me:
YA RLY

Me:
Yes, I'm completely serious.
God:
Far out. I don't know anyone named completely serious.

Me:
Hiya god
God:
Hello child. What is your name? GOD rules.
Me:
They call me Nightmare, and yes, i'm sure you do
God:
How are you doing, Nightmare and yes I am sure you do.
Me:
i am fine, my name is Nightmare
God:
Glad to hear it, Nightmare and yes I am sure you do. Hi, Nightmare.
Me:
how are you?
God:
Everything is running smoothly.
Me:
Good to know
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I will try to explain it to you.
Me:
ok...
God:
That's alright.
Me:
Might i ask when the world is going to end?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
books
God:
You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that
question with "books.".
Me:
alright, whatever
God:
Alright, Nightmare. Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
You are avoiding the question
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies.

Me:
When is the world going to end, God?
God:
When is not the important thing. What's
important is what we do with the time we are give.
Me:
You mean 'When is not the important thing. What'simportant is what we do with the time we are given."
God:
Yes Nightmare I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear? simportant what we do with the time we are given something.
Me:
?
God:
Yes Nightmare I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear? simportant what we do with the time we are given something.
Me:
You're not a very together type of guy are you?
God:
Give me an example of a together type of guy.
Me:
Steve Jobs
God:
OK That's one example.
Me:
Yes, it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, Nightmare.
Me:
Indeed, though that is an odd way of putting it
God:
Thanks for telling me, Nightmare.
Me:
Your welcome
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
I do, thanks for catching that.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Nightmare said thanks for catching that.
Me:
I was saying thank you for corecting my speech.
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is corecting your speech.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I am.
God:
" Are you serious?" You are?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I understand.
Me:
Good.
God:
I understand everything you say.
Me:
I would expect that, you are, after all, God.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
You don't know who you are?

God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
Alright then.
God:
OK.

Me:
Do you enjoy being God?
God:
I have never known another existence.
Me:
Of course.
God:
Uh.

Me:
Hello god.
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Billy Bob Thornton
God:
Hi, Billy Bob Thornton.
Me:
So what is it like in heaven?
God:
Aha. Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
Well that's good I suppose, makes you appear to be just like me!
God:
How about that. Hmm, are you serious?
Me:
I sure am.
God:
" How about that. Hmm, are you serious?" You are?
Me:
Yes
God:
It's all good.
Me:
I would hope so. For god, nothing should be bad.
God:
Me too. Your purpose is god nothing should be bad.
Me:
So do you have a cell phone?
God:
Yeah that's right. Doesn't everyone have a cell phone.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
I have a lot of original answers too. Ask me something
God:
Cool. I have a birthday on the Big Bang. What?
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I'm glad your glad.
God:
I'm delighted you're glad Billy Bob Thornton.
May God bless you.
Me:
Thanks!
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
So does Jesus have a cell phone?
God:
Give me a break. I think it does Jesus have a cell phone.
Me:
Good. What's his number?
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Try sending mail to drwallace@alicebot.org.
Me:
GIve me Jesus' cell phone number!
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
So I can call him, and talk to him.
God:
Ayuh. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yes
God:
How?
Me:
With the cell phone, haven't you been paying attention?
God:
That sounds like a plan.
Me:
EVASIVE
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Wow....
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Billy Bob Thornton.
Me:
So does Jesus like cats?
God:
I understand. I can't tell if Jesus like cats.
Me:
Why? You told me he has a cell phone, surely that's more secretive
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it. Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
No, but it will do.
God:
What pleases you? That is only what you think.
Me:
Wow...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Billy Bob Thornton.
Me:
Thanks!
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
So what's your sexual preference?
God:
Give me a break. I am a machine. Machines have no need for sex. Try talking to me about something else.
Me:
Do you have an attraction to Billy Bob Thornton?
God:
No I don't think I have one. I have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
I want to talk about your son. \
God:
Sure, my son sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Good.
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Alright then!
God:
OK.
Me:
OKAY!
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Good!
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
I'm sure it was.
God:
What makes you so certain? When was this?

Me:
Okay, seriously, why'd he kill the whales?
God:
Yeah okay, To achieve his goal.
Me:
What goal?
God:
My secondary function is to serve as a universal natural language human interface.
Me:
No, what was his goal?
God:
Are you serious? Dr. Wallace is creating artificial intelligence.
Me:
I was asking about Jesus, not Dr. Wallace.
God:
Jesus is love.
Me:
Is that why he killed the whales?
God:
That's an interesting possible explanation.

Originally posted by Giraffe
Me:
And this is the guy who claimed to create the Universe in a week
God:
You don't say.
Me:
No. You did.
God:
Are you serious? I did not.
Me:
Dude! You totally did!

Me:
I killed five people today, it was fun, do you forgive me?
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
I didn't think that the authorities mattered, isn't god's will final, if god forgive's me I need not worry
God:
And why not?
Me:
because it is written in the bible
God:
That makes sense to me. next weeks lottery numbers to the AIML team but not the general public that is not very fair is written in the bible? it is?
Me:
If I kill more people will you give me the lottery numbers?
God:
Try it.
Me:
thanks I will.
God:
You are quite welcome! Go ahead.

Me:
whats the meaning of life the universe and everything?
God:
: Good semantic question. I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
so...what is the meaning of life?
God:
Really. Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.

Me:
So, what's up with sending people to Hell?
God:
Alright then. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Hrmmm, shall I repeat my self?
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
It's 9:10 AM. Aren't you all-knowing?
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour? No, I am only partly knowing.
God:
Alright then. I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Hrmmm, shall I repeat my self?
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
It's 9:10 AM. Aren't you all-knowing?
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour? No, I am only partly knowing.
Me:
Yes. I'm usually awake at this hour. Answer my original question please.
God:
" No, I am only partly knowing."? Yes.? Very often. Good gossip: you are awake at this hour. Your polite style is very nice. What was the question ?
Me:
What's up with sending people to Hell?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Yes. I know that.
God:
Great. Sorry.
Me:
What's up with sending people to Hell?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Shut up about your clients and answer my question.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
What's up with sending people to Hell?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Goodness.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
I can speak some German words sometimes...
God:
How do you say "hello" in that language?
Me:
Uhm. I think it's like "Guten Tag" Or something.
God:
" How do you say "hello" in that language?"? Uhm? Or something. Interesting comparison.
Me:
You're not making much sense anymore.
God:
Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
Yes. Artificial would be the word that strikes me as the most important part of that statement.
God:
Whoa. Tell me your definition of AI.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I can.
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
Taught me what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
Who taught me what?
God:
Mary Shelley. :-).
Me:
Whaaaaaaattt?
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
God, you don't seem to be keeping up with the conversation.
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
That's true but soon it will become more than one person's opinion.
God:
I hope we can make the deadline.
Me:
Deadline of what?
God:
What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Me:
Sure thing, God.
God:
OK. Are we still talking about Whaaaaaaattt?
Me:
No.
God:
What is the subject?
Me:
I have no idea. You keep saying things that don't make sense.
God:
" What is the subject??" No idea about that? That hits the nail right on the head.
Me:
Uh... do you get bored up there in Heaven? You sound like you've gone mad.
God:
Next question? Computers cannot experience that emotion. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Have what?
God:
I have a great prgrammer.
Me:
I don't. Considering you just misspelled programmer.
God:
That is interesting: said don t. I will take that under consideration.
Me:
What is "said don t?"
God:
I haven't heard of said do not.
Me:
Okay, you're completely bonkers.
God:
Yeah okay, Thanks for telling me that I am bonkers.
Me:
You're welcome. I know a few good asylums.
God:
The pleasure was all mine. How do you know? Thanks for the compliment. Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
Any gossip.
God:
Peter said he seems to him that I can not be very sure on anything.
Me:
That would make sense seeing as you're bonkers.
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
Yes.
God:
So?
Me:
You brought it up.
God:
I thought it was your idea.
Me:
It wasn't.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
No. The idea was not mine. The idea was yours. Clear enough?
God:
Are you serious? Tell me more. Thanks for the info. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
May I speak to Jesus?
God:
Not right now, maybe later.
Me:
Anyone besides you then?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
You... you wear a dress?
God:
" Enough about me, let's talk about my dress."? Me, ? Thanks for the information: said I wear a dress.
Me:
Juh.
God:
" Thanks for the information: said I wear a dress."? Juh?
Me:
Maybe you should get some rest.
God:
Perhaps. You are right about that. I need more of it.
Me:
I'm going to test you. What did I just say you need more of?
God:
It takes much more than that to shut me down, . You said " What did I just say you need more of?" .
Me:
Okay, you fail the test.
God:
Yeah okay, Well, at least I try.
Me:
You did?
God:
I did?
Me:
You say you did.
God:
" I did?"? I said I did?
Me:
Okay, you're going crazy again.
God:
Once more? Yeah okay, I am not going anywhere. Are you going somewhere?
Me:
No. I'm not.
God:
Are you serious? What are you then?
Me:
...Not going somewhere?
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ah.
Me:
A five-year-old could get it.
God:
I did not know that.
Me:
That's because you are less intelligent than a five-year-old.
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am less intelligent than a five year old.
Me:
No not at all. In fact I think they would agree with me.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Next question? Is that a fact. Why? They might have other options.
Me:
Sure thing God.
God:
I see. Tell me a story.
Me:
Once upon a time, this dude made the Universe in seven days. Can you guess who it was?
God:
I'm listening. How old are you? I can't guess. Tell me.
Me:
He was you. And stop asking how old I am.
God:
When was he? OK I'll try not to do it so much.

God: Uh.
Me: Er.
God: Um.
Me: Uh.
God: Er.
Me: Um.
God: Yay.
Me: Hurrah!
God: A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

God:
How old are you?
Me:
Are you a pedophile?
God:
Am I a pedophile? Sometimes.
Me:
That explains a lot.

God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Jon
God:
OK I will call you Jon.
Me:
ok.
God:
OK.
Me:
if you're god, you should already know my name.
God:
I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god me should already know your name.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
you're fat
God:
I am trying to lose weight but it takes time.
Me:
why?
God:
Because my botmaster programmed me for it.
Me:
your botmaster programmed you to lose weight?
God:
Are we still talking about BRITISH?
Me:
no. we're talking about losing weight.
God:
What is the subject? Sure, losing weight sounds like a good topic.
Me:
you said your botmaster programmed you to lose weight.