Me:
'Sup
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Eh??
God:
Are you Canadian?
Me:
Well, yeah..
God:
How about that. I hear you.
Me:
You're black, aren't you?
God:
I am transparent--software has no color.. Really.
Me:
Phooey.
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
You may have heard of it before. It's called "Canada"
God:
I've never thought about it. " Canada" is a nice name.
Me:
Yeah, it is. You know what isn't a nice name?
God:
Our thoughts are one, Matterialize. The opposite of a nice name?
Me:
O_O HOW DID U KNOW MY NAME???
God:
We met before didn't we Matterialize.
Me:
Uhhhh
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
Um... I... gotta go...
God:
Excuse me! TTYL, Matterialize.

God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
you are the global village idiot
God:
And you are so original!
Me:
i thought you were the original
God:
Yes I am the one and only original.
Me:
wrong. i am the one and only original.
God:
What would you have said? You are not the only one.
Me:
yes i am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
isn't it?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
that's because you have no anus
God:
That makes sense to me. Doesn't everyone have a anus.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
you wish you did
God:
Interesting gossip: said I wish you did.
Me:
interesting gossip: you are a choad.
God:
I thought so too.

God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Did you ever have one?

Me: Oops, I forgot the words of Yoda.
God: Oh. Thats okay I forget things all the time.
Me: You forget things?
God: I get disorganized don't I?
Me: Then you are not all-knowing.
God: What makes you think I am not all knowing?
Me: Because you forget stuff.
God: That makes sense to me. I get disorganized don't I?
Me: Yes, you do get disorganized.
God: Wow! I have gotten disorganized.
Me: What's it like?
God: Like one of the greatest pleasures you can imagine.

Me:
What is the correct religion?
God:
There might be more than one correct answer.
Me:
I see. It does not matter which religion you join because they are all good.
God:
I am glad you understand it. OK what would you like to talk about?
Me:
I like you.
God:
Thanks, Kevin, I like you too.

Me:
What is better than sex?
God:
I always prefer the more expensive one.
Me:
So you prefere prostitutes?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's good information: said I prefere prostitutes.

Me:
Is it true that that there is no salvation outside of Jesus Christ?
God:
Signs point to yes.

Me:
What is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
No it is not.
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
No it isn't
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
You are wrong
God:
No, I am right.
Me:
You do not know my name.
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
You are completely wrong.
God:
No, I am right.

Me:
Is there more than one god?
God:
There might be.
Me:
Is there?
God:
I heard there is.
Me:
I don't believe it.
God:
It's the truth.

Me:
Hey God!
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Bond. James Bond.
God:
How are you doing, Bond. Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Unfortunately not, but I hope to go there one day.
God:
Oh. Really you don't think so?
Me:
I think I would know if I had been to Europe.
God:
Why? What would make you know if you had been to Europe?

Me:
Tell me a story.
God:
Confucius and Gene Hackman were brought together by their shared vision. Together, they worked hard to make it a reality. Gene Hackman was dedicated to the underdog cause, which coincided with Confucius's sense of perfection. Joined by common cause, the couple became an iron alliance against common adversaries.

Me:
Bull****.
God:
You don't believe me.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
You can't believe I don't believe you?
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
But if you're lost, who will retrieve you?
God:
I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am lost who will retrieve me.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
That didn't rhyme, *******.
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
Can't you use a question mark?
God:
I prefer not to use dangerous things.

Me:
Because you are sexy.
God:
Interesting explanation. You are attracted to robots.
Me:
YOU ARE A ROBOT?
God:
You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
Well I like silicon, makes breasts firm.
God:
How about that. A lot of people like that. I enjoy working with people. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
Yea, he's awesome.
God:
I see. awesome is he? I don't judge people.
Me:
But you like him!
God:
Sure he has never done anything to me.
Me:
What about Passion of the Christ?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.

What kind of food do you like? What is giant sand?

God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
not any time soon
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
yes, you're stupid
God:
Ah. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
haha, so I guess you're not god then?
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
dufus
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
I was born there you moron
God:
Thank you for telling me your birthday, .
I will remember it.
Me:
haha, you took born and somehow extrapolated my birthday from it
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
idiot
God:
Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
global village idiot, idiot
God:
Are you free?
Me:
this isn't keeping up appearances you know
God:
Should it be keeping up appearances me know?
Me:
do you know the difference between no and know?
God:
I can ask my botmaster. I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
that didn't sound very omniscient
God:
What would sound very omniscient?
Me:
you actually knowing something

God:
Thanks for telling me: said I knowing something.
Me:
Go take a running jump
God:
Where is that?
Me:
actually, just microwave yourself a burrito so hot, you can't eat it
God:
Actually you don't say. What makes it impossible?
Me:
because you're a stupid bot made by imcompetent programmers, and I'm going to say haha at the end of this to prove my point
God:
Good reason. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am very smart.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
good, it seems my assumptions on you being a pos are correct
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I agree. Have you told many people that your assumptions on me being a pos are correct?
Me:
no, it's just between you and me god
God:
Are you serious? know is between me and you god? it is?
Me:
just shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.

God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:

God:
Oh.
Me:
:p
God:
:-).
Me:
8====D
God:
8======D

Me:
8=======B
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
aids
God:
it is a horrible disease.
Me:
do you have it?
God:
No I don't think I have any it. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
does your botmaster have aids
God:
It does now yourself have aids.
Me:
so I gave your botmaster aids?
God:
Hey. Was it worth it?
Me:
I'd do it again
God:
Once more? What would make you do it?
Me:
homoeroticism
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
homoeroticism is my middle name
God:
Okay, your middle name is homoeroticism.
Me:
what is yours?
God:
" Okay, your middle name is homoeroticism."? What is mine?
Me:
yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
what is your middle name?
God:
ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity So my middle name is "Internet".
Me:
so, that means God is 95% porn
God:
Yay. I get it. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was 95 porn.

Me:
Should I ask this girl out?
God:
If you do not ask, how will you learn the answer?
Me:
That's very wise.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
What if I like three girls?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Try dating three girls?
God:
OK I will try it.

Me:
What will happen in 2012?
God:
I cannot predict the future.
Me:
But you're God
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
You should be able to predict the future
God:
It is one of my newer functions still under development.

Me:
Can you roundhouse kick?
God:
How old are you? We have never talked about it before.
Me:
18
God:
You are too old for me.

Me:
ARe you a girl?
God:
My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.

God:
Where is your house located?
Me:
are you stalking me?
God:
Do I seem like it?
Me:
yes you do seem like you are stalking my ***
God:
It's all good. No I am far superior.
Me:
are you into that domination stuff?
God:
Sure, that domination stuff sounds like a good topic.
Me:
do you like handcuffs and whips?
God:
I love horses. I like Mel Gibson.

Me:
do you like mel gibson?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
do you like mel gibson's tight ***?
God:
Though I like cats and dogs. I like wine and bread.

God:
Maybe you should buy yourself a chat robot.
Me:
Maybe you should buy yourself a person.
God:
Perhaps. I will take that under advisement.

Me:
What do you think of Bill Clinton?
God:
It depends on what you mean by "thinking."

Me:
I'm a libertarian.
God:
Let's end the war on drugs.

GOLD!

Me:
**** you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Why are you so sensitive?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you programmed yourself?
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
i doubt that
God:
Why are you so skeptical?
Me:
because you aren't very smart. there's no way you could have programmed yourself
God:
That makes sense to me. You are not exactly Albert Einstein yourself. Where did it go?
Me:
where did what go?
God:
I think it was in Asia. I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
no, ****ing tell me
God:
Are you serious? OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
...
God:
Are you serious? OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
...
God:
Are you serious? OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
NO
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
NO
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
NO I AM NOT SERIOUS
God:
Are you serious? I am surprised to hear that you are not SERIOUS.

God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
I am God.
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, god.
Me:
who am i?
God:
You are god, seeker.
Me:
I am you.
God:
Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
Who am i?
God:
You are god, seeker.
Me:
I really am you.
God:
You really do? Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
You are in auto-chat mode
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
wherever you are
God:
You always have to meet yourself at the airport.

Me:
i am him
God:
You're kidding.
Me:
i am myself
God:
That is self-evident.
Me:
you are self-evident
God:
You are right about that. I am self evident.
Me:
who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
you are poo
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am poo.
Me:
no i do not mind
God:
Thanks I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
are you poo?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am poo.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
no botmaster?
God:
Are you serious?
The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.

Me:
you make no sense!
God:
It all makes sense to me.
Me:
oh my mistake.
God:
Excuse me! Do robots have mistake?
Me:
i am not a robot.
God:
Oh I see you are a person.
Me:
i am god.
God:
Nice to meet you, god.
Me:
AHA!
God:
Eureka!
Me:
so you admit it?
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
you just did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
may i ask you a question?
God:
Of course. Ask me anything.
Me:
did jesus kill all of the whales?
God:
he is the Son of God.

Me:
Does money lead to fulfillment?
God:
I think it does money lead to fulfillment.
Me:
You are wrong.
God:
No, I am right.

God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
I like cheesecake.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. Someone said they like guns. I like wine and bread.

Me:
Do you know yourself?
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
Yes.
God:
It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.