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☖ Forums → Discussion Forum → So lets talk about Jepism
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So lets talk about Jepism
2006-10-03, 1:21 PM #1
Alright, I have decided that it is time that I start my own cult. There will be no non-sense beliefs of old men splitting the seas, no craziness about the elder gods pooping a blue 4 armed man onto the world. Think of Jepism as the new religious form of freedom and pleasure.

No pants. No silly requirements for sex. Welcome to no kids (but baconfaced zloc) under 14. And a lot of alcohol.

Still I welcome any suggestions of laws, rules, events, traditions, ceremonies, rituals, etc.

And remember, its a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake.

Are you in or out?
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:23 PM #2
Say, whatever happened to you using 11 year old AOL speak? I remember when you typed with letters for words.
Bassoon, n. A brazen instrument into which a fool blows out his brains.
2006-10-03, 1:25 PM #3
Originally posted by Emon:
Say, whatever happened to you using 11 year old AOL speak? I remember when you typed with letters for words.


You cannot abide to such blasphemous practices when you are a leader.
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:25 PM #4
I call equivalent of pope!
nope.
2006-10-03, 1:26 PM #5
So what do I get for following the ways of Jepism?
The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
http://forums.theplothole.net
2006-10-03, 1:26 PM #6
Every week that contains 7 days should be considered a holy week.
Think while it's still legal.
2006-10-03, 1:26 PM #7
Quote:
I call equivalent of pope!


We already have a pope, idiot.

...and Pope Johnny The Fifth rose up and sang to his people 'Nee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ed In-put'...
Attachment: 14199/Pope V.jpg (88,652 bytes)
Think while it's still legal.
2006-10-03, 1:28 PM #8
I think this can be easily integrated with the teachings of both Konvar8ism and the church of the orbital clown, making this the perfect religion for me.
Stuff
2006-10-03, 1:31 PM #9
Originally posted by Gebohq:
So what do I get for following the ways of Jepism?

You get free shibies and the right to continue writing NeS!

[QUOTE=Victor Van Dort]Every week that contains 7 days should be considered a holy week.[/QUOTE]
Agreed. I hereby decree all 7 day weeks including a monday and a wednesday as holy week. And in addition, every monday from now on shall become an extra day off work. We shall now have weekends consisting of fridays and saturdays and weekstarts consisting of sundays and mondays.
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:34 PM #10
Call Me Jepman!
ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ
2006-10-03, 1:35 PM #11
It is hereby decreed that we shall honor the only sensible piece in religious history, which is the sacred feminine. As of now, all woman are hereby elevated to the rank of Exalted and thus have the right to chose who shall please them, and attend to them. If you are picked to be a woman's servant, it is honor and exaltation to yet a new level.

Long live the sacred feminine.
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:35 PM #12
Originally posted by JediKirby:
Call Me Jepman!


All male Jepism followers bare the rank of Jepman, though I am THE real Jepman.

*stands up*
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:45 PM #13
Say something about Midgets and BSGs, k?
ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ
2006-10-03, 1:47 PM #14
Midgets must kick their foreheads, dance the chacha and all in the while remain very awesome. They shall be given free food and alcohol, and if so required must be provided support to lift them so they can pee in the toilet standing.

BSG's have Big Super Gums.
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:48 PM #15
Originally posted by Jepman:
You get free shibies and the right to continue writing NeS!


You mean I don't get the right if I'm not following the ways of Jepism?

Your decree of honoring sacred feminine should be interesting.
The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
http://forums.theplothole.net
2006-10-03, 1:49 PM #16
Morning wood should be considered mandatory. If you wake up without your [danecook]'lead singer'[/danecook] you have two options. Option one, you can pray to Jepman for forgiveness or Option two....you're a girl and your going to hell anyway.

The obvious medical reason that your morning sap-spring high rises every morning is simply because every night when we sleep or 'recharge our faith in Jepism' as I like to call it, we replenish our body with millions of tiny Jepmoleculons that help us keep such a dedicated and strong connection to Jepman. So if you wake up without a corked bat, you obviously weren't worthy of recieving your daily dose of Jepmoleculons. If you fail to pray for forgiveness, well..I don't even want to think of the consequences.
Think while it's still legal.
2006-10-03, 1:51 PM #17
Originally posted by Gebohq:
You mean I don't get the right if I'm not following the ways of Jepism?

Your decree of honoring sacred feminine should be interesting.


I have already started by acquiring Sugarless, Mylady, Achelois and Quasila(wtvr:o)'s home addresses through shady means and have sent them all a letter praising their holiness, along with ten thousand dollars each and a box of chocolate.
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:54 PM #18
[QUOTE=Victor Van Dort]you're a girl and your going to hell anyway.[/QUOTE]

BLASPHEMY! [/SIZE]
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 1:59 PM #19
I turn 14 in November.

And Tiberium's already 14. Better ban him now.

**** yes I'm in, my pants are already off.
I had a blog. It sucked.
2006-10-03, 2:17 PM #20
I think we should stone SAJN.

Oh, and I've never worn pants.
ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ
2006-10-03, 2:23 PM #21
Originally posted by Jepman:
I have already started by acquiring Sugarless, Mylady, Achelois and Quasila(wtvr:o)'s home addresses through shady means and have sent them all a letter praising their holiness, along with ten thousand dollars each and a box of chocolate.


You're in moster-sized debt now, aren't you? (and poor quesadilla_red, and Milady -- they don't get their names spelled right...)
The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
http://forums.theplothole.net
2006-10-03, 2:24 PM #22
Truly this is the religion of ultimate suffering.
Hey, Blue? I'm loving the things you do. From the very first time, the fight you fight for will always be mine.
2006-10-03, 2:25 PM #23
I sell used "J-Meters" for 199.99 each. Have your "Jep Auditors" give me a call.
2006-10-03, 3:02 PM #24
To Jep, or not to Jep, that is the question.
2006-10-03, 3:09 PM #25
Haha, I barely make the age limit!

This religion owns.
2006-10-03, 3:21 PM #26
Originally posted by Jepman:
I have already started by acquiring Sugarless, Mylady, Achelois and Quasila(wtvr:o)'s home addresses through shady means and have sent them all a letter praising their holiness, along with ten thousand dollars each and a box of chocolate.

*looks out from a sea of chocolate wrappers*

Long live Jepism!!
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-10-03, 3:28 PM #27
Aren't you diabetic? :P
nope.
2006-10-03, 3:46 PM #28
>.>

<.<
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-10-03, 3:50 PM #29
Actually I have cured her diabetism. That is one of the powers granted to me by the power of ... well... me. You could have it too!
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-10-03, 3:56 PM #30
Originally posted by Jepman:
It is hereby decreed that we shall honor the only sensible piece in religious history, which is the sacred feminine. As of now, all woman are hereby elevated to the rank of Exalted and thus have the right to chose who shall please them, and attend to them. If you are picked to be a woman's servant, it is honor and exaltation to yet a new level.

Long live the sacred feminine.

Yeah, that’s a good idea. Let’s make the half of our species that wins arguments simply by matching the acoustics of a revving angle-grinder and shrieking red herrings between fits of throwing random **** around the house a holy class. While you’re at it, why don’t you make your followers do other equally stupid things, like giving 10% of your earnings to the elderly that cut you off on the highway, or cooking microwavable burritos in the toaster…
omnia mea mecum porto
2006-10-03, 4:02 PM #31
I love this religion.
I had a blog. It sucked.
2006-10-03, 4:08 PM #32
Originally posted by Roach:
Yeah, that’s a good idea. Let’s make the half of our species that wins arguments simply by matching the acoustics of a revving angle-grinder and shrieking red herrings between fits of throwing random **** around the house a holy class. While you’re at it, why don’t you make your followers do other equally stupid things, like giving 10% of your earnings to the elderly that cut you off on the highway, or cooking microwavable burritos in the toaster…

:( way to rain on my parade.
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-10-03, 4:10 PM #33
You need to work on your shrieking.
omnia mea mecum porto
2006-10-03, 4:12 PM #34
Don't forget ONE EYE! He's the mascot of Jepman!

[http://etc.sorrowind.net/smilies/smile.gif]
2006-10-03, 4:14 PM #35
Before my voice dropped sugarless, screaming random things like "You hate me!" seemed to work really well for getting my way. Try that.

(I kid, I kid. I wasn't that pampered.)
I had a blog. It sucked.
2006-10-03, 4:20 PM #36
Originally posted by Roach:
You need to work on your shrieking.

YOU JERK! ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET EXCITED ABOUT MY NEW CULT AND YOU HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT FOR ME. YOU KNOW, THAT IS JUST SO TYPICAL.

(how'd I do?)
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-10-03, 4:22 PM #37
That's very good. It seems that you have a natural ability to whine, yell, and make faulty arguments, almost as if it were built in to your head.
2006-10-03, 4:27 PM #38
I know, it's almost like it's genetic or something...
omnia mea mecum porto
2006-10-03, 4:27 PM #39
you know, Steven, I'm going to ignore everything but that first sentence :D
Fincham: Where are you going?
Me: I have no idea
Fincham: I meant where are you sitting. This wasn't an existential question.
2006-10-03, 4:28 PM #40
sugar, that's great. Like Steven said, you must be a natural. But I'd have stuck a stereotypical screech on the end for good effect.
I had a blog. It sucked.
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