http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html

"The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. "

"The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it's in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. "

"In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his ****ing teeth. "


omg read this.

yeah, that's going to be *such* a turn-on for all the teenage girls that worship the series

Alternate Twilight ending:

This is something people like? I am confused.

I have never read any of the books, but I do hope Stephenie Meyer keeps writing so years from now someone can tell me what happens when a Werewolf and a Half-Vampire have kids.

I haven't read/watched any of the Twilight books/movies yet. The previews for the movies look very teeny-bopperish & that makes me want to avoid them. However, I feel like I'm being left out because everyone in the ****ing world seems to like this stuff. I may end up giving in to the dark-side.

Is this real? Someone actually wrote this ****? It's got to be a prank, but I'm not willing to actually read Twilight to find out.

I'm sorry, to watch or read Twilight you need the following: Cluster B personality disorder, vagina, fat or 40 year old divorcee.

Emon wins the thread.


I'm surprised robot chicken hasn't done a parody of exactly that picture.

Wow. A thread in which both Emon AND Jon'C post things I find amusing and emphatically agree with.

I quit.

tee hee, my name is bella swan (a.k.a. stephenie meyer, mary sue.) i am a perfectly average teenage girl fitting a perfectly average physical description (identical to the author who invented me!) with a somewhat below-average academic record (identical to the author who invented me!) attending John Doe High School, U.S.. Even though i'm, like, totally average i have, like, 5 guys all interested in me all the time! my boyfriend is a super-strong super-smart super-rich immortal marble adonis with no obvious source of income who sparkles in the sunlight like the diamonds stephenie meyer's husband won't buy her. oh yeah, i'm really clumsy sometimes. and my boyfriend only hits me because i make him.

some day i will get married because that is all a mormon woman can aspire to. and then i'll get turned into a vampire and i will be the strongest and smartest vampire ever with the greatest vampire powers, because i am an author insertion fantasy. and i will get to have a super strong, smart and immortal daughter (of course! boys are icky!) and i won't even have to raise her or anything!

God I miss Angel. *sniff* Good times.

Yeah.

You know, on paper Buffy and Angel sound about as corny as this. Except for the facts that Buffy and Angel were really well-written and usually well-acted.

I know a guy who likes Twilight, and I looked that up. It's scarily accurate.

Then Eric from True Blood shows up and kills everyone.

then all the characters from the underworld movies (including the ones who have been killed) all show up and have a huge party until the independence day aliens show up and shoot them all with their giant city destroying laser just before randy quaid rams his F-18 into it destroying the ship

Buffy also has a personality and a life outside Angel.

I drive through Forks every summer to go camping on the coast. A few years ago it was a nice redneck town full of stores that sold chainsaws and guns. Now every single store has a sign saying TWILIGHT STUFF HERE. There is a store dedicated to twilight. The hotels have signs saying TWILIGHT ROOMS AVAILABLE. Last summer the author was doing a booksigning the day I was driving through. Stopped by the grocery store to buy some food. I have never seen so many teenage girls in one area before. It was like every middle and high school in Washington converged on one town.

I'm not entirely sure what the plot of Twilight is, but a while ago I spotted someone wearing a t-shirt that said "And then Buffy staked Edward, The End."

Awesome. There's actually a youtube video about that

Her grades were apparently very strong actually (Bella, that is).



Only 2 guys actually had interest in her from the beginning, one of which supposedly only liked her because of the whole imprinting baloney, the other which falls in love with someone else by the second book. Edward had no physical attraction to her for a great deal of time at the beginning, instead just wanting to suck the everliving daylights out of her. Even protecting her was more of a selfish act than anything, as he knew if she was injured he couldn't control his instincts to feed on her.



It's implied that Edward's "father", Carlisle, has amassed said fortune over the course of the hundreds of years he's been alive. He also has an actual job, as a doctor.



She's neither the strongest (despite her early newborn strength, which is explained), nor the smartest. She has an interesting, and yes very convenient power, but it's not particularly the best.

The child is ridiculous though. Although I wonder as to her actual immortality as she is actually living, not "dead" like the vampires. Perhaps just a vastly extended lifespan. Still dumb though.

does this mean CM actually read the books?

is CM actually a 14 year old girl?

Yes I actually read them. Sue me.

expect to hear from my lawyer then

Why am I not even a little surprised?

Somehow I'm not shocked that someone around here defends these books.

actually, I'm pretty surprised

Of all the people here to have read the books and actually defend them, I'm not surprised it's CM.

I read them. The thing that kept me going through the series was the fact it was a different take on the vampire myth. Since I'm a pretty quick reader (Each book only took me a few solid hours of reading), it wasn't torture. Of course, I didn't mind the books as much. But that first movie was horrible.

I watched the first movie out of curiosity. What seemed really strange was how little chemistry there seemed to be between Bella and Edward and how Bella didn't actually have a personality, presumably because all the tweens are supposed to put their own personality on her.

Oh, don't get me wrong, the movie was awful.

I bet if there was a fifth movie and it introduced Frankenstein's monster, Bella would have some sort of relationship with it. She's a bit of a monster whore.

actually all the boys in the school liked her in the first one since she was the new girl.

Twilight is for F*GS.
End of.
It makes me so f*cking angry

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Ruthy hates homosexuals, you heard it here first.

Bad luck Drizzt.

actually i'm sure his thoughts on that subject were already known

We actually just watched the second Twilight movie with my wife. We thought it was rather silly. To say the least.

I saw the second Twlight movie because my roommate wanted to see it. I thought it was fairly terrible, but I don't knock the fans because the obsession they have is very akin to Star Wars, Harry Potter, which in regards to the former I was once guilty of.