During my time being banned last week, I came to the realization that my contributions to the world of Massassi could be improved. Due to that, I am officially announcing my candidacy for the Presidency of The Massassi Temple. I will be reviewing applications for the spot of my Vice President. You may apply in this thread.

Allow me to outline several of my ideas for ways to improve Massassi:

First of all, I will immediately ban landfish. He is a blight that cannot be allowed to exist any further.


Pictured: landfish

His nonsense cannot be allowed to continue. I will remove him immediately, and possibly drive to his home (which is conveniently in the same state as mine) and kill him. The second part of this measure will be decided based on public opinion.

After killing landfish, I will immediately buy a heater and begin my assault on Finland.


Pictured: Finland

Finland will burn and all will be happy in the rest of the world, knowing that they are gone. After Finland has finished (no pun intended) burning, I will travel to Hollywood and recruit Renny Harlin to my cause. He will take his place as the True King of Finland.

These are just a few of the things I will be doing. I will require a few cabinet positions to be filled. First and foremost, I will need Michael Macfarlane to be my Attorney General. This is largely a useless position, as I'm only offering it to him so he will trust me. After I have gained his trust, he and I will travel to Florida where I will kill him in "self defense".


Pictured: Michael Macfarlane

He's gotta go, people. Don't tell him about the part where I said I'm going to kill him.

I will promote saberopus to the position of High Queen of Nova Scotia. I feel like he will be happy there. The end of Die Hard 3 takes place there. That's pretty cool.

Now, on to more pressing business. From here on out, I will be the racism police. It's a well known fact that my ability to detect racism is far more attuned than anyone else on this message board. I will have some help in this matter, though, from the likes of stat and Alan. They understand the criteria for proper detection of racism, and I think they will do a great job. (I also plan to murder stat once I gain his trust and he lets down his guard. Unfortunately he is a giant guido and can probably use his helmet of hair gel to deflect many attacks, and his skin has a thick shell of bronzer, which is nearly impossible to penetrate. This will be tricky. He is also impervious to sexually transmitted diseases.)


Pictured: stat

Ok, now that we've cleared all of that up, I think it's important to establish that I will immediately unban Wookie06 and SF_Goldg_01. Unfortunately for a few of you, I will be banning (in addition to landfish) the following members: gbk.


Pictured: gbk

Once all of that is over, I think you will all find that I make a fantastic President. Everyone will be given (as long as you voted for me [poll will be public]) a free pie coupon that can be redeemed at any local pie store. Pie is pretty awesome. You will love it.

So here's the real question: Will you vote for me?

Here's the other real question: Who wants to be my running mate?

I'll be your running mate.

THIS THREAD IS NOW ABOUT MY 3000TH POST.

how about this guys, he looks legit>>>

Antony, we have had our differences, but our hearts are in the right place, just like our weiners will be in the same place once we get our jungle fever on at the end of summer and both get with that nubian princess I mentioned earlier.

Choose me.

i never knew gbk was a sea captain

He's all about the seamen.

I AM SORRY, ANTONY, I WILL NOT VOTE FOR YOU BECAUSE I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT.

I'll be your running mate. I'm rarely here, and even when I am, I almost never post, unless it's to tell Couchman to shut the hell up. With me as your running mate, you're guaranteed the young vote because the kids today love Zloc_Vergo. I obviously won't get in your way, probably will visit even less because by the time you're in office I'll be back at school, and definitely understand racism as a middle class Caucasian male from the Midwest.

Choose me, I'm Zloc.

Edit - Also, I'm not Tibby, which I think is a major plus.

Zloc_Vergo is full of ****, I've honestly never even seen him before, who are you, I've literally NEVER seen you post.

Antony, we were made to be together, we can bring order to Massassi. I was the ONLY one who missed you during your ban, those 7 days were a lifetime for me. I have never been so under-entertained in my life.

ANTONY / ALAN '12 [/SIZE]

I like all of what you're saying here.



I really like what you're saying here.

How do we know you aren't a secret Kenyan Muslim socialist? Going to need to see the long form birth certificate.

PIMP WALRUS 2012

vote for me
because no matter what happens, you always know where i stand

I'm a twelve year old who has more history here than you do.

Anyone who asks for a birth certificate will be added to the kill list.

**** TIBBY 2012

Tibby will not be on the kill list. He will be strapped to an inclined table with his feet up where he will be waterboarded periodically by Jon`C for my entertainment.

dot

Antony. How can you support Zloc, he admitted he doesn't even post that much, he won't be here when you need him. I am always here, I am white pasty virgin nerd (no sun), I never leave this seat. You've seen how thick my glasses are. I am your humble servant, choose me. Let me serve you.

All of the things you have just listed are reasons why you will never be worthy to stand by my side.

I don't see anyone being nearly as persuasive as me.

There must be a place by your side for me, even if I'm just the Salacious Crumb to your Jabba the Hutt

The Benevolent Dictatorship of Massassi led by the kind and caring Cool Matty rejects your proposal.

mutiny

I will be your running mate, but only so that I can be in the right position to stab you in the back to prevent my own banning.

Actually, I think I will run against you for the position of President. The people need strong moral leadership, not a womanizing, racist pig with a bizarre bacon fetish and an insatiable lust for Russian scat porn.

what the people need is a sea captain

So now it's gbk vs Antony for president. Vote for the lesser of two evils. Funny how art imitates life.

HEY LOOK EVERYONE SARN IS ATTEMPTING TO MAKE A SUBTLE JAB AT PEOPLE HE DOESN'T LIKE BY REFERENCING OTHER THREADS

Get out you xenophobic ****

OR A PIMP WALRUS

damn straight!

wow. over-react much?

(actually, I like Antony and gbk just fine, thanks.)

the slogan's a first draft, i'm open to change

I've had to amend my Presidential campaign poster because I've suspended my POTUS campaign to focus more closely on issues related to Massassi. That, and because I've gone sober since then.

I thought you were like... 15 by now.

and you're not eligible for the position of POTUS due to age

I officially submit my application to be your VP and hope to take over in the event of your untimely death... i mean hope you pick me