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☖ Forums → Discussion Forum → Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris
2006-01-24, 7:29 PM #41
When Chuck Norris shaves, he doesn't use a razor, he round houses himself in the face because the only that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

In most men, one testicle is larger than the other, but with Chuck Norris, both of his testicles are larger than the other one.
2006-01-24, 8:05 PM #42
Who is greater

Chuck Norris, or God?






TRICK QUESTION

Chuck Norris IS God

lol
"Oh my god. That just made me want to start cutting" - Aglar
"Why do people from ALL OVER NORTH AMERICA keep asking about CATS?" - Steven, 4/1/2009
2006-01-24, 9:36 PM #43
My dad looks exactly like Chuck Norris, honest.

When I was little I thought they were the same. Couldn't tell me otherwise.
2006-01-24, 9:57 PM #44
You thought your dad was chuck norris? Rofl!!
"it is time to get a credit card to complete my financial independance" — Tibby, Aug. 2009
2006-01-24, 10:08 PM #45
There...is only ONE Chuck Norris. You have been warned.
In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03
2006-01-24, 10:16 PM #46
Originally posted by Bill:
Chuck Norris is the only person in the history of Tae Kwon Do to be promoted to an 8th degree black belt.


Well, the first westerner to recieve an 8th degree black belt. There were other 8th degree black belts in Tae Kwon Do before him. Thats still mighty impressive though.
Life is beautiful.
2006-01-24, 10:17 PM #47
Quote:
I think it's funny that almost all the Chuck Norris 'facts' are stolen from the Vin Diesel ones. And the Vin Diesel ones came first.

*makes rude noise to indicate incorrectness on your part*
First off, the Chuck Norris ones are, for the most part, unique to Chuck Norris (IE have something to do with roundhouse kicks). The Vin Diesel ones aren't even originally about Vin Diesel. They're stolen from the Bill Brasky sketches from SNL (Biil Brasky's penis has a toenail on the end of it, etc).
And so, in honor:
T'BILL BRASKY!

-Or, as the survivors of the Titanic still lovingly call him, "Iceberg".
2006-01-24, 10:24 PM #48
Chuck Norris can divide by zero!!
2006-01-24, 11:14 PM #49
Chuck Norris beat the **** out of Nailface.
2006-01-24, 11:51 PM #50
Originally posted by Freelancer:
You thought your dad was chuck norris? Rofl!!


Yup. He looked exactly like him, except my dad has long hair now and no longer a beard.
2006-01-25, 12:22 AM #51
[QUOTE=Rogue Leader]Well, the first westerner to recieve an 8th degree black belt. There were other 8th degree black belts in Tae Kwon Do before him. Thats still mighty impressive though.[/QUOTE]
I don't know about that. As far as I know, no one else has ever recieved in on record. They say he's the first one.
>>untie shoes
2006-01-25, 4:34 AM #52
[QUOTE=Glyde Bane]I think it's funny that almost all the Chuck Norris 'facts' are stolen from the Vin Diesel ones. And the Vin Diesel ones came first.[/QUOTE]

[http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c334/darth_alran/churchsign.jpg]
Welcome to the douchebag club. We'd give you some cookies, but some douche ate all of them. -Rob
2006-01-25, 10:48 AM #53
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
2006-01-25, 10:51 AM #54
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
2006-01-25, 11:07 AM #55
Chuck Norris did not write his autobiography. Instead, he round house kicked reams of paper in a local Office Depot untill it wrote itself.

This new form of writing has been dubbed by some to be even more amazing and mystical than Ernest Hemmingway's use of absinthe, and Jack Kerouac's stream of consciousness extended prose style of writing put together.

(Thats one I did)
2006-01-25, 11:39 AM #56
Originally posted by Rob:
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.



Brilliant!
Pissed Off?
2006-01-25, 1:59 PM #57
See. Feel. Chuck Norris. Well..you can't really see him.
In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03
2006-01-25, 5:04 PM #58
*Walker lifts a handful of dirt to his mouth and tastes it* A plane crashed here.

-! ? !! ?? !?!?
2006-01-25, 5:08 PM #59
Speaking of Texas Walker Ranger, did every episode seriously ended with Chuck doing a roundhouse kick to the main antagonist in slow motion?
2006-01-25, 5:37 PM #60
Originally posted by Ubuu:
See. Feel. Chuck Norris. Well..you can't really see him.


If you do, it's too late.
Pissed Off?
2006-01-25, 5:49 PM #61
Originally posted by Ubuu:
Chuck Norris has counted to inifity [sic]. Twice.


What is inifity?
2006-01-25, 6:44 PM #62
Originally posted by Bill:
I don't know about that. As far as I know, no one else has ever recieved in on record. They say he's the first one.


I don't know who said that, but this article has several links down at the bottom to people who hold 8th or 9th dan rankings in Tae Kwon Do, and they all recieved their rankings before Chuck Norris. Chucks website even states that he was the first person in the western hemisphere to recieve the ranking, not the first person ever.
Life is beautiful.
2006-01-25, 8:19 PM #63
[QUOTE=Rogue Leader]I don't know who said that, but this article has several links down at the bottom to people who hold 8th or 9th dan rankings in Tae Kwon Do, and they all recieved their rankings before Chuck Norris. Chucks website even states that he was the first person in the western hemisphere to recieve the ranking, not the first person ever.[/QUOTE]


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris#Trivia

"Chuck Norris became the first person from the Western Hemisphere in 4,500 years to earn an 8th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. He is considered a "Grand Master" in this discipline."

IN OTHER WORDS. In the 4,500 years of this particular martial arts tradition has been around, he was the first from the western hemisphere to achieve level 8. That must have taken alot of grinding!
2006-01-25, 9:26 PM #64
There is a line of fine print in the declaration of independence that reads, "All men are created equal with one exception. Chuck Norris is equal to 350,000 men." Thomas Jefferson had no choice but to add this line when Chuck Norris single-handedly and accidentally won the American Revolution while doing light calisthenics. He then ripped out Jefferson's throat for not writing it earlier, and replaced all the signatures on the declaration with his own.
2006-01-25, 9:53 PM #65
Man, what is with it with this Chuck Norris non sense lately? People in Guild Wars kept cracking jokes about it in the random arena districts all the time. Gets annoying after a while.
The cake is a lie... THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!!
2006-01-25, 10:03 PM #66
Chuck Norris knows that you have said this and is now preparing to kill you. You will not see it coming, but it will involve recieving a round house boot to the face.
Pissed Off?
2006-01-25, 10:23 PM #67
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.





Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
"Well ain't that a merry jelly." - FastGamerr

"You can actually see the waves of me not caring in the air." - fishstickz
2006-01-25, 10:28 PM #68
That JFK one is a lie.



He doesn't need a time machine to travel back on time.
Pissed Off?
2006-01-25, 10:38 PM #69
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is unable to send his roundhouse kicks across the fabric of time, however he IS able to perform this action across parallel dimentions and once, just for fun, roundhouse kicked his own ***.
In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03
2006-01-26, 12:32 AM #70
Angels sang out in an immaculate chorus.
Down from the heavens... descended Chuck Norris.

-Etc.
2006-01-26, 1:32 AM #71
"A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay."
2006-01-26, 7:30 AM #72
[http://www.sorrowind.net/imagecorner/134/9.gif]
The period after Chuck Norris regained consciousness is generally termed "The Dark Ages".



And from the holy scriptures of Chuck Norris: "And the Lord did speake, and He sayeth: "And Lo, I sende My only begotten Son to attone for Thy sinne in his Death. And Lo, I also sende my goode Frynde Chuck Norris to kicke the Bejeezus outte of the Godless Heathenes and Terroristes who do notte Believe in My Son, and who shalt snuff it."
Yeah, you stay here and take life seriously. I'll go and have some fun.
2006-01-26, 8:53 AM #73
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and kill.
>>untie shoes
2006-01-26, 10:08 AM #74
Originally posted by Bill:
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and kill.

That's an OLD OLD Vin Diesel one. The only ones still funny from the Chuck Norris ones are the ones that are inherently for Chuck Norris
D E A T H
2006-01-26, 10:41 AM #75
When Chuck Norris took his first step, earth began revolving, creating seasons and days.

(yay for failed attemps at creating a CN quote :()
Was cheated out of lions by happydud
Was cheated out of marriage by sugarless
2006-01-26, 11:52 AM #76
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
2006-01-26, 11:59 AM #77
Doublepost!

Chuck Norris does not have to mow his lawn. He simply stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
2006-01-26, 12:01 PM #78
Originally posted by Rob:
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.


LOL!
woot!
2006-01-26, 12:02 PM #79
MIND YOU THESE ARE ALL FACTS:


Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
I <3 Massassi
2006-01-26, 12:06 PM #80
Originally posted by KnightRider2000:
Me like.

[http://www.igophoto.net/evcatalyst/images/__conanlever.gif]



Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife
I <3 Massassi
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