Most of those are from Bill Brasky/Vin Diesel. The lack of SNL recognition here saddens me.

Chuck Norris invented the "Nun Chuck" so that his hands wouldn't get jealous of his feet.

Rob, is the only one allowed to speak of Chuck Norris facts. He is good.

Actually, thats one I made and submitted.

Chuck Norris:

- Can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved

- Is the reason cars were invented: So people could have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

- Doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

- Is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

- Counted to infinity - twice.



Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

[QUOTE=Unknown User]Chuck Norris:
- Is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.[/QUOTE]

Those were pretty good.

It's a shame how Steven Seagal owns Chuck Norris.

Steven Segal owns nothing. The only people he can beat up are polluters, who, as we know from Captain Planet, are notoriously weak.

What? Steven Seagall got shot and killed by Steve Buscemi. "Take that ya fat ****!"

"Another one to cross off my ****in' list!"

He's also defeated the Yakuza, Mafia, Chinese Mafia, Russian Mafia and a few global terrorists with massive sattelites.

Plus he has awesome jackets, so you both lose.

Chuck Norris has single handedly defeated Vietnam like 7 times.

Can Seagal even GROW facial hair?

Steve Buscemi is underrated (did you make a reference to Billy Madison?)!

Its a reference to a wikkid flash cartoon.

He defeated that many people with Goatees that facial hair no longer dares to move closer to him in any direction. This is why David Badiel is always on the exact opposite spot of the earth from Segal.

i for one am quite sick of this lame chuck norris fad.



edit: also, my fifth grade teacher dated chuck norris before he became famous, and according to her he's actually quite a pansy and fairly bad at martial arts.

...He's an 8th degree black belt. For christ's sake, if he's bad at martial arts who's good.

Yeah, well my dad could beat up your dad!

Then everyone else in the world must really suck because he has won many a world titles in his prime.

Dude, I am a 1st Degree Black Belt. Even in an AMERICAN school my black belt test was the one of the hardest experiences of my life so far (I wouldn't put it at insanely tough compared to a lot of things, but challenging nonetheless).

Chuck has trained in Korea (IIRC) (they beat you there, the worst I ever got was whacks with sword. Especially painful on the bottom of the feet) for many many times longer than me, in HARDCORE schools, not McDojo pansy *** places.

To believe that he has poor martial arts skills is ridiculous.

However, you CAN be a killing machine and be a pansy. Chuck may be a pansy, but that is how he gets the ladies, because they like flowers.

Oh so your teacher must of known something everyone else in the world didn't. I mean seriously, how would she know that? Did she tell him to use some martial arts on her or something? And when he refused to do it call him a pansy?

Im just pretty tired of the Chuck Norris sayings. Its like none of you heard the things about Vin Diesel.

See the great thing is most of the Vin ones are gneeric and I could say them about Chuck or the Rock or anyone.

Only Chuck can roundhouse kick. Vin Diesel is just lame.

I've already debunked that claim, damnit.

Vin Diesel plays DND and he's bald! He has more going for him than Chuck.

Agreed.

I'm having a hard time envisioning a game of DND with Vin Diesel.

Oh wait, there we go.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN I ROLLED A 3? GHAWHHH!"

She was a second degree blackbelt herself. And as far as Norris's "world titles", all the ones he won were non-contact. = he's a pansy-***, flashy film star. And again, I don't know what the allure is with this sort of thing, it's as ridiculously annoying as the Vin Diesel crap.


[INSERT MOVIE STAR] is so awesome that he can pull off [AMAZING FEAT]

HAHAHA GUYS THATS HILARIOUS

Only problem is he has black belts in not only Taekwondo, but Tang Soo Do, Shinto-Ryu Karate, and Brazilian jujutsu. Those are not easy things to obtain.

Mmkay? He competed in non contact comps, this is true. But you're completely ignoring everything else except for his mediocre acting and the fact that he didn't dominate (though he did compete) in full contact competition which is lame anyway because it is never full contact anymore.

Let's also ignore the fact that he was in the Air Force. Yeah, not normally making someone hardcore except for he was in Security Forces, which has some hard *** training going on. Yeah, he never saw combat, but that isn't even the point.

The dude worked his *** off for his whole life and nobody disagrees with that but you throw everything out because of your fifth grade teacher? Muddled thinking man.

Hey!
Hey.
It's [insert movie star] is so awesome that he can pull off [Bill Brasky quote].
Jackass.

-Actually, it's [insert random hobo] is so awesome that he can pull off [your mom's pants]

You all are fighting over a man whos real succes ended a while ago. I hope you realize that.

You are about to die. Nice know you.

Roudhouse_kick_related_deaths ++;

You know that expression where someone moves their hand over the top of their head while making a whizzing sound, as if to suggest something??

I was just thinking about that....

Actually i was refering to the two fighting about how great chuck norris really is (questioning his abilities, belts, training)

so how about you read what I said again and shut up.

Actually, everything I've come up with says he retired udefeated as Professional Full-Contact Middleweight Champion, so I guess you and your 5th grade teacher are wrong.

Not only that, but he's a blackbelt in BJJ, an art where it literally takes years to earn rank.

Heck, if you study under the Gracies, it'll take you over a year just to advance beyond white belt. It typically takes over 10 years to get a black belt from a Gracie or one or the people they directly trained. And believe me when I say, its hard training. I have a lot of respect for ANYONE who can get a black belt in BJJ from one of the Gracies.

Got us a case of vaginal sand here. Chill out mb.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Got us a case of vaginal sand here. Chill out mb.[/QUOTE]

Sablovaginitis. Oooh thats gotta hurt.

The only problem I have with this argument is that people keep referring to Chuck as a killing machine. He's not. He's an incredibly skilled martial artist, but he isn't some sort of warlord.

Hmm....





Perhaps he should be..?

You had better hope, for your family's sake, that chuck norris never reads that.

Too bad he reads the internet in its entirity twice a day.