yup.

I wrote it for a woman I want to go out with. First official song with my new processor. My timing's a bit better than usual because I was forced to map out exactly what I was going to do because of the signature changes. Some of it sounded better in 3/4 than 4/4, so I just decided to use both instead of just one or the other.

I may have overused the word 'beautiful,' but she is dangit!

WARNING: Probably quite sappy.

what do you people use to make these? Fruity loops?

Sounds like that Coldplay song I think it is.

It's called... real instruments. :p


The wha...? I don't even listen to Coldplay. Furthermore, I posted a snippet of this a while back to make sure it was something original.

very beautiful lyrics (lol sorry, but it is, didnt mean to use the word again). Hope all works out with you and that girl. Its such a pretty song, that it's touching (must...not...get...mushy) I give you props on the song, it's good stuff

Plus I like the arrangement you did with the song(as well as the lyrics), I need to learn how to use Fruity Loops and start making songs of my own. Very cool song, thnx for sharing and letting us all hear it

Laura:)

Disclamer: FruityLoops is not involved in my recordings (except when I do game remixes).

Also, what do you mean by arrangement?

Arrangement usually means the song as a whole, how each instrument lends to the feel of the entire song.

I think the vocals are annoying and wavering (cant tell if that's on purpose) and the melody reminded me of a really bad praise and worship song. Or something they'd play on the pop station here.

That guitar solo needs some presence to it. Add at least a token amount of reverb.

And about the 3 minute mark I was just like "Jesus this does not end...." so it really seemed like a sappy praise and worship song because 90% of those dont know when to end either. The girl will probably enjoy it but it's nothing I'd listen to more than once.

/honest opinion

It had an echo on it, unless I bumped something on my processor and turned it off by accident.

Also, what do you mean specifically by wavering vocals? I re-recorded the vocals several times, each time I thought I had it down (honestly, I'm still not completely satisfied with it).

You're on the right pitches, but your voice has a very distinct vibrato which is very annoying, mainly in the first couple verses. After that you dont notice it as much. If you could cut that it would be cool. I wanna hear you sing a Rufus song. Then we can get married.


<.<
>.>

Yup what schming said lol Sorry for not replying earlier I'm out of town right now. But I liked the lyrics, I'm sure if you play it for the girl at your school (if you want her to hear it that is) i'm sure she'd agree. The vocals could use a little work, but the musical arrangement and the lyrics are good

Laura

Sorry, I'm not much of a fan either, starting from the beginning with the shimmery piano. It sounds like a cheesy pop song
You did do a lot of somethingish singing, kind of a male equivalent of the singer from Evanescense (I hate the singer and everything else about that band)

I think you need to pull back a little on everything. Were I a girl, the lyrics wouldn't really impress me much either. It sounds too desperate.

Even though I think it's overblown, you did do allright with the arrangement, even if I think you achieved the wrong end with it. I really liked the guitar solo a lot, it's great as it is.

You need to listen to The Beatles to learn how to do a good love song. As Schming said, this is more like a christian song. IMO, you shouldn't try to make a big beautiful statement. Lay off the bombast and keep it simple.

I'm gonna keep ramblin' on, because I think you are capable of writing a really good love song. This is all my opinion, make of it what you will.

Try to write something that will make her smile while you reveal your feelings. This song is not a smile inducing song.

Instead of going for the big obvious things like "you are so beautiful", go for more personal things like "seeing you makes me smile"

A song like the one you wrote leaves you vulnerable- and not in the good, trusting way; but in the needy way, which is VERY VERY BAD. One of the biggest turnoffs there is.

You also need to know how deep your feelings for her go. Is it infatuation, or do you truly love her? This is important, make sure that it's not something that feels stronger than it is. Otherwise you will be overreaching your sincerity with grandiose statements. Actually, doing that is a warning sign that it really might be infatuation. I'm not trying to dictate your feelings to you, but I've fallen into this trap myself and it's bad, so just watch out.
If you don't like the rest of my advice, please at least follow this part.

Saying personal things like "your smile makes me joyful" is a good way to make sure you are not overstretching beyond your sincerity.

*sees chance to pimp out Damien Rice*

listen to Damien's song 'The Blowers Daughter' which I think is one of the best and simple love songs.

The refrain is "I cant take my eyes off of you" repeated about 80x.

In all fairness, I know this woman far better than you guys. She's not your average woman. She's not the type likely to play gamesI wrote the lyrics specifically for her, appealing to what I know she wants to hear. The arrangement appeals to the type of thing she likes. I couldn't have possibly been any more personal with it. And because of that, if you're looking for a love song that will be effective on just any woman, this isn't it.

I think you may be confusing me sounding desperate with looking for a permanent relationship (which she is, too). Like in the chorus: "I will never let you go."

No. I love her. She's just so rare and unique. I can honestly say I've never felt so strong for someone before, ever. There's very few times when she's not on my mind. I occasionally have trouble sleeping at night. I even find myself driving by her house late at night with no purpose other than to simply check & see if everything's ok. You might take a look at Wolfy's thread "What Style of Loving are you" for a bit more detail on this. I was subtlely describing my feelings for her in it.
These just aren't things that I've done in past relationships. The stuff in the song isn't just me being poetic. It actually happens. (I.E. last two lines of 1st verse)

Well, if you're sure then. It's good that you know her well, because by saying she was someone you wanted to ask out, it means that you possibly might not know her well.

Heck, I even know a lot of her eating habbits well. I remember the first time I spoke with her, I had this feeling like I was talking to someone of importance or something. It wasn't until quite a few months later that I realized how I felt about her, and gotten almost twice as strong in the last couple months.

A-HEM.

:p

Ahem what? I don't actually stop, if that's what you think.

Well throwing my two cents in here, but I hope everything works out good, I'm a sucker for a happy ending Good luck

Laura:)

PS also how do you know her eating habits, do u watch her during lunch? (dont get me wrong, I'm really just curious, I think u are one of the nicer guys on this board and u got brownie pt.s for writing a song about the girl u like. so it's really just a question) Anywho just being curious k

No, I just actually pay attention when she talks to me. (Most guys don't listen and remember simple things like that.) I know she doesn't like to touch raw meat, and that she doesn't like to eat meat off the bone (although she eats a tiny bit off anyway). Well, she's not in school. She's 25. um... there's no piano at the beginning. It's guitar.

Oh... well, it sounded kind of like a piano probably. I don't remember.

Nice save, dry gear.

You sound like a man singing a boy's song. Nice guitar solo.

Sweet song if for someone in your life; but keep it that way, because there's too much of this music available for the public.

This is a good thing. Especially for a 21 year old.

I liked the song. What I meant is that it did not blow my mind, which you may not even have cared to do.

Apathy: The best defense

Well if you are 21 and she's 25 it's a good age gap, are u considering telling her your feelings? I mean there is always the chance of rejection, but if you never do it, then u'll never know if she feels the same way.

Plus I didnt understand why u go by her house to check if she's ok, is she in a bad neighborhood? Anyways love is a great feeling and well from what you say about knowing little details about her it seems like you really are in love. Its when u get to that point when u are willing to give your all for that person, know silly little habits of theirs as well as flaws and yet you love that most about them that u can tell it's love. Like the way you know about how she doesnt like to touch raw meat and little things like that. Anyways I wish u luck,gotta keep us all updated (if u want that is) but I'm curious to know how it all turns out. good luck

Laura

This is getting creepier... I had assumed both of you were in high school...

I think it'd be awesome with someone else singing it.

????

REQUEST DENIED

....can I do that? or is it one of those things...?

No. I'm just more protective of her than I've been with other women. Plus there've been a couple times where guys have made some pretty offensive physical passes at her, and it really really pisses me off. She's just so sweet and innocent, I hate for anything to happen to her, so maybe I worry more than I should. Do I suck that much? Or did you mean like have someone else sing it to her while we dance or something like that?

_

Holy carp, SillyC is right!

It's true. That's just kind of weird.

Or is it really that you subconsciously dont trust her and want to make sure she's not playing the field?

I'm not actually together with her, but if I were, I know for a fact I could trust her, probably more than anyone I've ever met. She's just... very mature all the way around, very dependable, etc. She doesn't gossip like most women, and stays true to anything she says.

I could go on forever about her. She's just incredible.

With this carp, I smite thee!

!!! you dare to carp in my presence!!!

that wasn't a carp

this is a carp

Are you blind? That's a shrimp!

(Off topic: haha how'd this turn into a thread about fish? :p )

Laura