You can't do that. As you've just explained to the cable company, you need to tighten your belt.



You don't have a rifle.



You see your prized potato peeler on the couch. It has an ivory handle and has been in your family since before the war. It would be under your hat if you hadn't taken your hat off the couch and put it on your head. If you had taken your hat off the couch and put it on your head and then the potato peeler was under your hat, well, that would be something else entirely.

>>pick up potato peeler

You pick up the fork. You're still a bit disoriented from that fall.

>>insert fork into throat

>>Save game

It doesn't look like there's anyone here whose throat you can insert the fork into. You put down the potato peeler. Er, the fork.



There's no saving this game now.

>>pick up fork

You pick up the fork. It weighs approximately one fork.

>>untie shoes

>>destroy fork

>>spoon the fork

You jab ineffectually at the knots in your shoelaces with the fork. You keep this up for quite some time, but to no avail.



You look around for Gebohq, but you don't see him.

You don't have the tools to do that.

You put the fork down.



You lie back down on the floor and hold the fork tenderly.

Your nose bleeds.

>>Blow nose on shirt

>> Search for phone.

>>find container to collect my own blood

>>Fumble around helplessly and accomplish nothing

You're not wearing a shirt. You blow your nose on your robe. Oh, you think. That's where it was.



You can't see it from this spot on the floor.



Your robe seems to be working just fine for that.



You flail out in all directions. Your foot strikes an end table and the phone falls off of it. Having thus located the phone, you feel you've accomplished something, and are disappointed.

>>Check who is in the contact list on the phone

>> Get up. Pick up fork. Use oven to heat the fork. Use hot fork to cauterize our bleeding nose.

>>destroy phone

The contact list on the phone, like the contact lists on most people's phones, is long enough that it defies easy summary. It is, however, almost entirely a list of first names.



You get up, walk into your kitchen, and use your oven to heat the phone. It quickly ceases to resemble its pre-oven form.



You have no idea how to do that.

>>untie shoes

>>Write a text message on the phone, saying "Why haven't we had sex yet?". Send to all contacts.

>> Exit through window.

hang on guys, i got dis


>>untie shoes

>>check pockets for money

>>destroy shoes

>>walk to nearest electrical outlet

>>insert fork into electrical outlet

>> Solve P versus NP. Submit proof to Clay Mathematics Institute.

>> Given available information, deduce the location of MH370.

This command is too long. Try writing a shorter command.



You turn off the oven, open the oven door, reach in, and attempt to send a text message. You burn your finger. Some lessons have to be learned the hard way.



This room has no windows.



You don't have dis.

You consider putting your shoes in the oven to burn the laces off, but then remember the lesson of the phone.

You look out the window. A school bus drives by.



You don't have any pockets.

You consider putting your shoes in the oven to burn the shoes off, but then remember the lesson of the phone.

You look out the window. A school bus drives by.



You find the electrical outlet that powers your microwave oven. The other socket is unused.

You don't have a fork.



You attempt to solve P versus NP, but you reach a step that requires you to untie your shoes and you are unable to continue.

You don't want to think about MH370. You're terrified of planes. Planes killed your father.

>> Flashback to death of father.

>>watch cnn

You remember it vividly. Two planes, standing in the living room of your childhood home, brandishing machetes.



Your crippling fear of planes prevents you from turning on the TV. Well, that, and there's no TV in this room.

>>destroy tv

You examine the alleged TV and discover it's your oven. You don't know how to destroy that. So far, it seems like you barely even know how to use it.

>> Check if earpiece is still in place, and try to contact Anderson

>> Eat phone.

>> Exit through door.

>>Start screaming inarticulately.

>>load shotgun

You are still wearing your Bluetooth® brand earpiece, for some reason. However, either your phone is no longer working after being exposed to extreme heat, or Pamela Anderson is still not returning your calls.



You don't have a fork.

You try to leave the kitchen through the door, but it's sturdier than you expected.



"Cabbages!" you announce to no one in particular. This has no effect, so you do not continue.



Load shotgun into what?

>>destroy earpiece