Just stumbled across this:
http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/digital/fact-vs-fiction/we-ask-10-sci-fi-authors-to-write-star-wars-episode-vii#slide-1

I'm almost hesitant to read it because it may make anything that is actually written for the script pale in comparison.

When the alien walked by in that video did anyone else immediately exclaim: pity the gelf!

I read them... they are pretty bad. They sound more like fan fics than actual Star Wars plots.

While browsing the Wookieepedia article about a book I read as a kid, "Tales from Jabba's Palace", I learned that there is a genre of music in the EU called "jizz".

Hmm.

As far as I recall you should already have learned that from said book. There's a nice story about the band in Jabba's palace.

In my innocence of youth, the word didn't stick.

I thought they sounded like the usual SW EU drivel (not counting that one of them actually was a plot from one of the lower-end SW EU works). So you know, like bad... fan fics.

Related:

Thanks for making me choke on my coffee. Dafuq? Hahaha. Wookieepedia troll?

"She's got that jizz."

Not a (Wookieepedia) troll. The term is also in the Star Wars Encyclopedia (according to Wikipedia). I haven't checked Trollopedia, let alone Jizzopedia.

The only thing better than jizz wailers are jizz whalers, whose noble profession has provided the cosmetics and fragrance industry with prized cetacean cum for centuries.

I learned a new word today.

And then this happened.

Non-trilogy stand-alone Star Wars movies? What? I guess Disney is trying to follow the Marvel formula?
http://starwars.com/news/gareth-edwards-and-gary-whitta-onboard-for-star-wars-stand-alone-film.html

as it should have.

I think it was shortly after they bought Star Wars that they announced that they wanted to release a new movie every year.

John Boyega and Daisy Ridley posted some new pictures and videos:
http://www.starwars-union.de/nachrichten/14031/rss/

I really hope they go for a distinct visual theme for the new trilogy. The original Star Wars (especially ANH) had an endearing sort of rustic quality to it. Droids and vehicles had a certain junky feel to them. In the prequals, the screen was invariably clogged with a nauseating and ugly rainbow of neon colors. I particularly dislike seeing more than two lightsaber colors on the screen at once. More so if the people wielding them are little kids. Constantly turning their backs to their opponent and dancing around. YAWN

In fact, I think it would be cool if they tried no force, no sabers for the first round. At Nar Shaddaa. (And make the main character Kyle Katarn.)

:'-)

So this film would take place before Kyle found a lightsaber in his garage?

Also: I've never agreed more with a comment in my life.

Well, I already hate gbk's avatar almost as much as I hate Alan.

SOLD.

Since Disney plans to put out a non-trilogy film every year, there's no reason in my mind not to have a Dark Forces movie. After all, putting out such a movie would be an incredible springboard for marketing a Dark Forces 1.5 game. What did Kyle do between the destruction of the Arc Hammer and the beginning of Jedi Knight? I'm guessing the Arc Hammer was destroyed sometime between ANH and TESB, and JK is supposed to start a year after RotJ. Having introduced a new generation to the world of Kyle Katarn, Disney could make a game to go along with the movie.

They could also make another movie, also taking place between Dark Forces and Jedi Knight, that targeted towards women. It would be a romance between Kyle and Jan. In that movie, we'd also get to meet Jan's girlfriends. Those characters would form the basis for a new TV show, called "Sex and..." wait, what's this? Wookieepedia says Kyle proposed to Jan several times between JK and JK2? But she said no every time, fearing that "each day together could be their last?" That makes absolutely no sense. In "Team America: World Police", Gary only has to promise Lisa that he "will never die". After doing this, she makes love to him.

Maybe the moral is that any EU tie-in will need some massive retconning in order to get rid of various absurdities. For example, who knew that Kyle, and not R2D2, stole they death star plans? Were they a different set of plans?

Maybe it would be better to go far back enough in time, so that nothing has been written to be contradicted. We could have a 10-year old Kyle played by a 10-year old Jake Lloyd type person, and have him race swoops and interact with another CGI mentally retarded blackface alien. Or how about a 10-year old Scarlacc. I would love to see a movie about the Scarlacc's childhood.

And speaking of the Arc Hammer, that Al MacDonald comic totally rips off Lucasarts for inventing hammer-shaped space stations.

I at least thought the Arc Hammer was cool looking.

I'm feeling that jizz.

That would be the most epic thing ever.

Do you really think that Kyle Katarn is going to have any place in anything? Much less his own movie? The Arc Hammer, Kyle and Jan's romance [targeted at women, yeeesh], 10 year old Kyle? Nobody except some of us dorks with a deep history in this tiny corner of SW could possibly care. And most of us don't even, at this point.

Also, damn you for suggesting a "Jake Lloyd type person" and a SW film starring a child at all.

Though, as I approach the end of your post, I feel like maybe you're being silly and I'm just missing it... 10 year old Sarlacc...

Now I don't know what to think

Hey, I was just trying to give Disney some ideas. That doesn't mean they are good ones. And it won't be my fault if Disney makes another movie about a little kid. The blame for that would fall on the shoulders of `ol George, for setting the precedent. Nevertheless, something tells me that no matter how bad Disney screws things up, it couldn't be as bad as what Lucas did with the prequels. Just like Obama is afraid of being perceived as "weak" on the terrists, Disney probably won't turn star wars into a musical.

Anyway, I thought the preferred style of posting `round these parts was to play the idiot almost seriously enough to fool the reader. The more people that miss the joke the better, since greater confusion only gives you the upper hand in the inevitable protracted debate to follow.

In all seriousness, well, I guess I would personally would like to see an actual, serious Dark Forces movie (not what I wrote in that post). Maybe it would be best if they went back and forth in time, to talk about the origins of the Valley of the Jedi. It could kind of be like Lord of the Rings in that way. In any event, to make it any good, they'd have to add a bunch of new backstory. I don't want to just see the games depicted. I suppose there are those three Dark Forces book that were written in the `90s (I haven't read them).

Also, I didn't really care for the story of Jedi Outcast. The ending felt weak, and it seemed like a much less ambitious multimedia project. I liked the days when Lucasarts did things in-house, and brought on all sorts of artists and writers to make a comprehensive experience. I mean, the in-game cutscenes in JO just seem lame compared to the FMV cutscenes of JK.

I never played Jedi Academy, so I actually don't even know how they wrapped up the series.

Also, one more post and I'm there.

Also: I wouldn't mind seeing a 10-year-old Sarlacc. Yes, Kevin J. Anderson wrote a story in "Tales from Jabba's Palace" about its origins. What I want to know is why it it looks like a vagina, and what it does if any sand gets inside it. (Or a Jizz Wailer. Did Max Rebo ride Jabba's barge that day?)

Edit: since I don't want to increase my post count, I'm just going to write all future posts inside this one as an edit. Bookmark this page.

Edit: yes, this means you'll have to see that cringe-worthy first paragraph every time.

Despite playing through JO multiple times, I hated the story and all attempts at trying to bring romance in (the lame animations didn't help). And while JA's story was the same old EU drivel, I still maintain that it was still nice enough that all chronologically post-JA works just suck arse.

As for non-trilogy SW films, I guess they can't go worse than The Clone Wars (2008) did. OHHH TEMPTING FATE THE FORCE.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4HXoH2HLH8

Did I just see Chewbacca commit suicide against the stage floor by bashing in her own head?

If Kyle Katarn ever shows up on a movie screen I'm coming after you with a rubber hose.

I thought the storyline in Jedi Outcast was pretty good up until they revealed that Jan wasn't actually dead. When you thought she had been killed it raised the stakes in a good way and also made you wonder if Kyle was going to turn to the dark side.

Anyway no Jedi Knight film could ever compare to editing the game's FMV clips together.



what does this mean

also GBK what the hell is wrong with you

Blame CoolMatty.

I'm thinking that was directed toward me. Though I'm not sure about the rubber hose part... sounds like sex offender material.

37 years since Star Wars (IV: A New Hope) premiered in movie theatres.

And what a better way to commemorate it than the mixture of 2009 graphics and editing with a 1997 video game engine?

http://www.moddb.com/mods/todoa/videos/todoa-extermination-spoiler-warning

http://www.wired.com/2014/06/lupita-nyongo-gwendoline-christie-star-wars/

http://youtu.be/yqrZVUb0q64?t=1m54s

P.S.: I was just watching some `ol JK FMV on youtube. Can somebody tell me how Kyle survived being hit by TIE Bomber ion cannon fire?

Trick question. TIE Bombers don't have ion cannons.