We ordered a new graphics card just for this game.

Now I torment myself reading the manual

You know, I actually wasn't all that excited about this game? Now the more I hear about it the more I want to be out and about in Cyrodiil with my thief.

Any accessories like horns, markings and the like? sorry if I'm being picky >_>

Well Argonians have horns instead of hairs.

But nothing like tatoos, marks, etc.

Angelina Jolie looking lass I made.

Holy crap, nice healthy glow. What brand tanning lotion does she use?

StandInFront Of2Torches 2000 Lotion

I remember that quest being really easy. Remember to drink potions and stuff during combat. I always get too wrapped up and forget I can instantly regenerate most of my health with them.

Wow, that arena garb looks 10000000X better on females than it does on males.

Tofu, thanks for the tip, but I meant I need help finding the guy.

How can I not respond in kind?
*ahem*

I remember vividly being locked behind those bars in the imperial city... I had been so hungry; I stole a carrot from a table in the Merchant's Inn. They threw me in the pokey; I thought... this is it. You are going to die in here, Jarl. If not from starvation, then certainly from that Dark Elf's incessant yammering. I can't recall how many times I had told him my name was Jarl Rig, but he just kept calling me "Breton".

Racist.

The warmest, most perfect day of my life was when the Emperor entered my cell and freed me. I ran freely through the dungeon after him and his noble blades. When the captain was slaughtered, I took up her fine katana and slew my attackers. Rodents, mostly. Oh, the pain of parting from the blade I had come to care for as though it were my lover... Handing it over to that bladesman as the Emperor's blood seeped into my felt shoes...

I stole out of the sewers like a ghost, firm set on finding this Weynon Priory... and yet, here I find a magnificent ruin. I entered... and then did I discover a power that had been within me... I don't know why I never noticed before, but suddenly my magicka surged, and I realized my true destiny as a powerful sorcerer!

Oh, there was bloodshed. Or rather, there would have been, if not for the cauterization. They burned. Every bandit, every rat, every orc and wolf and deer and daedra I encountered felt the flame of destructive power cutting through him!

Here's a word of warning to any fellow Breton boys: the Imperial Legion is an entire army of horndogs who have a taste for you. Like the legendary samurai, and their homosexual escapades with the kabuki boys... all I feel comfortable saying is that I’m not proud of how I got money in those early days, nor how I got from town to town so quickly.

Soon, I was in fine Bruma, having lost my way in my magical studies. I had become a ranger, a rogue, a hunter of deer and treasure. I still occasionally dabbled in alchemy, but I had lost the art... and there I encountered the Mage’s Guild.

That silly woman, attempting to level up her conjuring by summoning a scamp to walk across the room constantly... I knew why the others resented her, but I loved her for taking me in. Stealing her books was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Not literally, though. Born under the sign of the Tower, I merely waved my hand and the locks stopping my penetration of her feeble security were unhinged.

It was then I first realized the true extent of the darkness within me. Like the famed Son of the Suns, I had begun to stray yet again. Not from the path of sorcery, no, I was dead set on that. No... I had strayed from the light.

I made haste to Weynon Priory, to help the rightful heir of the Empire take his place on the throne, or whatever it is the emperor sits on.

Some time later, I encountered a gate to another dimension. A plane they called Oblivion. The city watch needed me to destroy the gate so they could enter the city. I traveled though, and encountered a hellish nightmare place, filled with daedric creatures.

I soon met a man on my travels who told me of his mission to destroy the gate from inside. We journeyed through the tortured landscape till we came upon a strange saurian creature. He rushed forth to engage it as I fell back to aim with my silver arrow. I aimed careful and let my missile fly true... but he stepped in the way, screamed as it slid into his body, and collapsed. The daedra charged past him and attacked me, but I slew it with fiery lances of death, and then rushed to my companion's side.

I don't precisely recall, but I seem to remember him trying to whisper something to me... and then he was gone. I had slain a comrade. And yet, despite the fact I was more alone than ever, I felt that my trespass on the sanctity of life had not gone unnoticed...

After destroying the Oblivion gate and imbuing my silver bow with the sigil stone's armor disintegrating energy, I entered Kvatch with the city guard to retake the chapel and then the keep. It was a brief, violent battle, and we were soon inside the chapel, and I was face to face with the heir to the imperial throne.

The only thing I could say to him was "wait here", then I wandered over to a bedroll on the ground and passed out.

I awoke to a behooded figure, who told me of his knowledge of my murder. I tried to stammer an explanation, but I could only shudder in fear and awe as he passed into my hand a virgin blade of woe, a weightless dagger that he explained needed to enter an old man and end his life. And then the figure disappeared as quickly as he had appeared, and his vaguely shimmering form left the chapel.

While in the chapel, I met a beautiful woman whose name I daren’t repeat, it causes me too much pain. She was a dark skinned guard of the city Kvatch, and she was going to follow me and the captain and several guards as well as a few Imperial legionnaires (who I swear to this day were whispering about me as they walked close behind) into the city to retake the keep. She… didn’t make it.

I helped the Kvatch guard retake the keep, but at what price? Young love, struck down before it could be explored was the major casualty. We also lost… well, everyone. Only myself and the captain remained. He gave me his armor and retired from the guard.

I left Kvatch a hero, but I didn’t feel it. I was no hero. Inside I could feel a tug… a tug away from the heir, and the empire, and everything… a tug towards the path of sorcery.

I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I’ve stolen. I’ve stolen a lot. That carrot that put me in jail was only the beginning. I find myself wandering into shops, chatting up shopkeepers, just to see what they have… then I break into their houses at night and steal whatever strikes my fancy.

I don’t know why I do it. I don’t need the money, or the food. I rarely use the items. I fear I may have developed severe kleptomania. I even stole a caliper in front of a guard, just so I could be put in prison. Please don’t read too much into that, it was only so I could get to know a criminal who knew the whereabouts of some gold.

Ahhh… of all the towns I have visited, the best has got to be… Anvil. There, I discovered yet another facet of my inner self.

I was in the Mage’s Guild, practicing my flash bolt technique on some bookcases, when I suddenly found myself deep in conversation with the most entrancing Argonian girl. She was telling me how much her mother would love me.

At this point, I figured either she was way too excited about meeting me and was skipping ahead to the “meet-the-parents” stage of the relationship, or else she had something far kinkier in mind.

Neither, as it turned out, she was just interested in collecting customers for her mother’s shop. But despite the fact I was just another unwitting mark, I could tell, somehow, that she loved me. On a scale of 1-100, she felt 100 towards me. Her mother liked me too, but I knew that if I were to get involved with either of them, it could ruin their mother-daughter relationship. But that was when I learned…

I’m a sucker for Argonian gals.

I love ‘em! I fear I’m developing a fetish, in fact. Hell, I’ve been stocking up on books about them… I have a favorite… it’s a play called “The Lusty Argonian Maid”, which I’ve never seen in production and I only have a excerpt from, but it’s fantastically entertaining. Let’s just say the title explains it all, like that classic play of attempted assassination: “Snakes on a Plane of Oblivion”. Yes, I have fallen for an entire species of females, and it is ridiculous how much I will do to try to impress them.

To be honest, I feel that my new found enthusiasm has spurred me back into the relatively monastic order of the Mage’s Guild. I am now working hard at my skills, attempting to reach the next level of power. If I am both mighty and sexy, than no female of any race shall be able to resist me!

On that note, I feel I must bid you farewell. My presence is required at the Arcane University, where a certain Argonian librarian is eager to show me what she’s learned. About this book, I mean. Yeah. I already figured it out (Green Emperor Way Where Tower Touches Sky) but I don’t really know what it means, and it’s not on the map, so she can probably help me out.

-I was only doing my duty in the lollercaust.

Wow... like... write a book or something.

Easily. Take your hands off the keyboard.

HAH.

Dark Brotherhood kicks much ***!

That mission where you kill all the people in the house?

It made me feel like a cheap slasher movie.

At the end, I got the elf girl to kill the drunk. Then when she wasn't looking I stabbed her in the back and she went over a railing!

The best Dark Brotherhood mission is infiltraiting back into the prison to kill the dark elf that taunted you at the beginning.

He was in a nearby cave west of Bruma I think.

That made me happy.

I made pretend like I was going to let him out. Then I punched him in the face with my knife.

I told him he was going to die there, just like he told me.

Found the guy. Turns out I had to bribe the city guard to start my quest.

Edit: Anyone know if theres an eyepatch in the game? or a mod that adds one?

I knew this game was missing something. Eyepatches. RPG - eyepatches = pseudo-RPG.

I didnt know that was the elf from the beginning, but then I wasnt paying much attention to him at the beginning. I didnt even recognize that I was in the same dungeon. In the middle of the mission a guard spotted me, so I just had to run like hell, grab a key, kill him, then run out of there like hell. Took me awhile to evade the guards, but I eventually did, and I didnt forfeit any bonus because I didnt kill any guards.

I was practicing my spellcasting in Wyenill(sp..don't care) and I accidentally hit a guard. I ran like hell for hours until they finally stopped chasing me. Now I'm an outlaw hiding out in the wilderness. I'm hungry and scared and don't even know where to go to clear my name.

This oughta be interesting.

Well actually, now I'm just bored as hell.

The only way to clear your name that I know of, unless you are in the theives guild, is to pay your fine... or go to jail. I'd suggest stashing any stolen goods you have somewhere before you go get arrested.

Haha, I just opened my former cell's door, saw him look at me, and bowed him right through the door. Then I proceeded to make my way back through the sewers. Never seen, never heard.

I could have taken the Imperial Prison key laying on a table at the end of the hall, and gotten out the front door, but I thought that was idiotic. Guards see a dude dressed in black come out of the prison hall and don't do **** but smile and nod.

Kind of like the Prince's guards from Holy Grail.

I just completed my second trip to oblivion (i've only done quest ones).

Those Storm giant things (or whatever) are really nasty. I think i'm going to regret levelling up...

Did you know if you held Z you can drag things around like phys-wise?

I almost wish I could give someone a poison apple like that.

I wish you could:
-put apple on floor
-shoot arrow through apple
-pick up arrow-in-apple
-fire apple at mouth of target
-watch them choke to death

I kind of wish there was an easier way to use poisoned apples.

I couldn't get anyone to eat the poisoned apple. After waiting for 10 minutes I just got up and stabbed the orc.

Don't know if this has been discussed here already so if it has my bad. Also sorry to those listening me gripe about it in the chat nonstop.

I have a problem with the game. Just outside the sewer, whenever I run past a loading zone or two the game crashes to desktop. I either get a memory read error or a generic send report to mircosoft thing. I'm not sure why I would be doing this. I have a nice defragged HDD and 2 gigs of Ram.

I have a AMD 64 4000+ and a 7900GTX to go along with it.

This crash with some funky graphics are pissing me off. I get rainbow artifacts and junk when looking off into the distance. I have the updated drivers and directx and everything. Fresh install of windows (and game) as well. Any ideas?

Oh and no it isn't a sound card issue. I have played it with it off and with it on. Same crash.

Played with the sound card disabled or with the volume set to off? :p

You're not overclocking anything, right?

Do you have HDR and AA turned on?

hah sound card off and with the sound disabled in the .ini file. Nothing is overclocked. I'm starting to think I'm gonna have to wait till they patch it along with all the other poor souls on the official hardware issue forum.

I have done it with and without both HDR and AA. Every screen resolution...screwed with the distances. etc etc

Er you can't active HDR and AA at the same time anyways.

Yeah, HDR and AA are mutually exclusive.

Farcry lets you activate AA and HDR at the same time.

It doesn't turn out so great...

Yeah, I know. I meant I tried it with HDR, and without HDR. With AA and without AA. Tried it with nothing. Tried it with a million different settings. This is the error I seem to be getting (when looking at a debugger):

000004E0: MemoryProblem (100169432 bytes) Initial Pass: Global Memory Free: 1384902656 Heap Free: 6149256 Physical Heap Free: -1


Some sort of memory problem that really makes no sense to me. Any ideas?

You may have bad memory?

Try Memcheck, or running with someone else's memory in your box, and vice versa.

Yeah already done that and it found no problems. I'm tapped out.