[NSP: Please don’t take any offence to the post that is about to occur, I mean no personal slander to any of the party’s involved. Just trying to have some fun whilst waiting for Ante’s or someone else’s post.]

Tracer stands in a state of near emotional destitution, clutching desperately at his broom, and waiting someone to take notice of him. The other writers’ however continue on oblivious to Tracer’s bold escape, each one variously complementing or demeaning Geb’s recent Announcement. Finally, when it appears to Tracer as though the rest of his existence will continue unnoticed, he manages to catch the eye of West Wind the Writer, who breaks off from his current conversation and makes his way over to Tracer and pat’s him heartily on the back, catching Tracer quite off guard.

West Wind the Writer: Greetings.

Tracer The Writer: *Cough*…Ummm… Greetings… You’ll have to forgive me, but I don’t think we’ve been introduced.

West Wind the Writer: Indeed we have not; I’m West Wind, one of the New Writers. I work mostly on the Hawthorne, Thatchett, and Detective stuff, but I’m sure you have no interest in that.

Tracer The Writer: Sure… I mean… I am Interested… I mean My name is…

West Wind The Writer: Let me guess, You’re the Janitor?

Tracer The Writer: Yes… what?!

Tracer is suddenly very aware of the broom to which he is still clinging to for support and comfort, as well as the air of various cleaning fluids that has been hanging around him.

West Wind The Writer: Listen, I have a Little favor to ask you. The other writers are probably a bit to polite to ask directly. You see, Antestarr started writing a post several day’s ago, and well, he hasn’t moved since.

Both Tracer’s and West Wind’s eyes creep over to the figure of Ante hunched motionless over a keyboard. The light emanating from the CRT gleams off the thin later of dust that has accumulated in his hair and on his backside.

Tracer the Writer: He’s all dusty! How long has he been sitting there?

West Wind the Writer: Only a couple of day, but it looks like you have been lax on your job, it’s really dusty around here… But More importantly… How Can I put this gently… well…. he’s starting to smell a bit funny.

Tracer the Writer: What?

West Wind the Writer: Not to put to fine a point on it…. B.O.

Tracer the Writer: And what do you want me do to about it?

West Wind the Writer: We aren’t asking for a sponge bath or anything. Just spray him down with Febreeze(tm) or something, but do it discreetly…

Tracer The Writer: Listen, let me make one thing clear… I am not the Janitor, I am a Writer and I’ve been here longer than you have.

West Wind the Writer: Really? Why the broom then.

Tracer The Writer: I’ve been on vacation.

West Wind the writer: …

Tracer The Writer: And I am NOT spraying one of my fellow writers with Deodorant.

West Wind digs into his pocket, and slips a Five Dollar bill into Tracer’s hand.

Tracer The Writer: Ill Get Right on it!

*Tracer sings quietly to himself as he cleans Antestarr and his work area.*

Tracer: "Wow, this is a huge mess."

*Gebohq wanders over.*

Gebohq: "Why are you doing what you're doing?"

Tracer: "I'm cleaning up around here! Look out, bacteria, Tracer's on the caser!"

*Tracer laughs at his own joke.*

Tracer: "What do you think? I made that one up myself."

*Geb frowns.*

Tracer: "I was going to use it in my next story post."

*Geb holds the frown.*

Tracer: "...or I could keep cleaning."

*TLTE walks over.*

The Last True Evil: "Is Tracer the new maid or something?"

Tracer: "No, I'm just being paid to clean up this mess."

The Last True Evil: "...so you're a maid."

*Tracer rolls his eyes.*

Tracer: "No, stupid."

Gebohq: "I think you'd better explain what's going on here."

Tracer: "Okay, fine."

*Tracer takes a deep breath.*

Tracer: "I'm channeling the spirit of deceased writer Janitor Bob."

Gebohq: "What?"

Tracer: "It's true. And he wrote some great stuff, so you'd better listen to me."

The Last True Evil: "J-Bob didn't die, he just quit."

Tracer: "No, he died."

The Last True Evil: "I just got off the phone with him. He's perfectly alive."

*Tracer smacks TLTE in the head with his broom.*

Tracer: "Janitor Bob says to shut your lousy face!"

*Gebohq sighs.*

Gebohq: "Whatever, I don't have time for this. Just don't break anything or get arrested."

*Sarn joins the party.*

Sarn: "Hey, why's Tracer dressed like a maid?"

Tracer: "I'm not a maid!"

Sarn: "You're wearing an apron."

Tracer: "It's a SMOCK!"

Gebohq: "Alright, let's just...just leave the crazy person alone."

CM(In Mimiru's Body): So Geb... *cough* you holding out okay? Subaru... she'll be here soon, alright?

Geb: ...

CM(Mimiru): You haven't spoken for a while... *cough cough* You aren't wounded that badly, are you? I've seen you in worse fixes than this!

Geb: I... I can't go on...

CM(Mimiru): What? What nonesense is that?! Just you wait, Subaru will be here any moment now, and we'll patch you right up, good as new!

Geb: Good... as new, eh? I... don't think so.

CM(Mimiru): *sigh* You're beginning to worry me... Geb.

---

Meanwhile (NesCount IRS Code 342 Section 11.b Paragraph 2), Mimiru catches up with a pained, but walking Subaru.

Mimiru(CM): Subaru, are you alright?

Subaru: Oh, yeah. Just took a hard hit...

Mimiru(CM): Well patch yourself up, and let's get over there to CM and Geb!

Subaru: No, I'll walk it off.

Mimiru(CM): You don't look like you're in any condition to walk this one off, girl. Come on, it'll only take you a few seconds...

Subaru: It's not that. If I heal myself, I won't have enough power to heal both of them. I'm... not that strong, yet.

Mimiru(CM): Oh, I guess you are right... well, we'll take it slowly, then!

Ultimate Convention or not, it seems evil wasn't going to make it easy for our heroes. Another robot appears in front of them.

Robot: Sorry, Mimiru, but I can't let you do that. With Ares now distracted, and one of you in bad condition, I am quite confident this battle will pose no problem for me.

Mimiru(CM): Another?! I thought they were all done back there.

Robot: Far from it, child. *Mimiru winces at this word* Some of us hold different ideals, you see? The one you met earlier... he's more of the planning sort. I perfer to be a bit more, recklass?

Subaru: This robot, she looks just like... like...

Robot: Persephone? Yes, that was the image I was chosen for by my creator. I'm sure you two won't underestimate my frail frame though, will you?

Mimiru draws CM's dagger and rod, and prepares for a fight.

Mimiru(CM): Subaru, keep going, I'll catch up.

Subaru nods, leaving Mimiru and Persephone

Persephone: Are you sure that's wise?

Mimiru(CM): I'm not ignorant, I have a feeling you're strong. Your intelligent, at least, you know not to take unnecessary risks.

Persephone: Indeed. That, and Ares poses a slight problem, I'm honestly not a good match for him. You see, us robots were designed as a team. By ourselves, we are weak, but together, we lose all weaknesses. Currently, my strengths match your weaknesses, so this fight will be a breeze. Oh, not to burn your hopes down, of course.

Mimiru(CM): Do you think anything you say would influence me?

Persephone: Probably not. Let us waste no more time then?

Persephone starts at Mimiru, enticing a counter from Mimiru. Mimiru buys into it, giving up a large safe sweep at Persephone. The dagger makes contact with Persephone's abdomen, but seems to merely bounce off.

Persephone: You've now discovered one of my two strengths. My skin is made of a prototype alloy that can resist any type of cut or scrape. I believe this negates your swordfighting ability, yes?

Mimiru, not taking even a moment's consideration to the previous statement, attacks again, this time stronger, at what appeared to be a weak point, her neck. Yet again, however, the blade sparked and left no visible sign of damage.

Persephone: Now my statements to you are fact. Tell me Mimiru, how will you fight now?

Mimiru's thoughts now boiled. How would she fight? No amount of pounding was going to do her any good here... If only CM were here... maybe he could destroy this robot...

Mimiru(CM): Wait! That's it! I've got to try...

Mimiru summoned all the power she could, concentrating as she had practiced with CM for so long. If she could only manage CM's technique, she could do this. She could beat her, she knew it.

Persephone: Ah, so that is what you are planning. Don't think I'll let you have a chance! You haven't seen my other strength yet!

Persephone interrupts Mimiru's deep concentration with an attack that caught Mimiru directly in the head. Instead of falling down, however, Mimiru suddenly realized that Persephone was holding onto her head

Persephone: Now you will see why I was named the Queen of the Underworld!

Mimiru suddenly felt weak, as if her strength was being drawn out of her body.

Persephone: I have the ability to burn all the carbohydrates in your bloodstream. This causes you to feel weak, without energy. Remain in this position long enough, and you will pass out... and probably die.

Upon hearing the word die, Mimiru snapped back to her senses. She took CM's rod, threw it over Persephone's arm, and then forced it down with all her (or really CM's) strength, on Persephone's elbow. Although the hit did not really harm Persephone, it did cause her to drop Mimiru.

Mimiru(CM): I am not ready to die just yet.

Mimiru, not giving Persephone to recover, returned to her efforts of concentration. Not a moment later, she was finally ready. CM's body filled her with immense magical power, and using every bit of forceful thought, she cried out.

Mimiru(CM): Phoenix Gust!

The beautiful flaming bird tore down from the heavens, and for the first time since Mimiru and CM had practiced, she hit her target. The phoenix plowed into Persephone, burning away her skin, and knocking her flat on her back.

Mimiru(CM): And that... is that...

Still a novice, Mimiru had used the entirety of her magical ability with that spell. She collapsed, too weak to stand any longer.

---

As this battle was taking place, Subaru reached CM and Geb, and was starting her treatment, with her ability to heal with her chi, or chakra.

CM(Mimiru): Thank you, Subaru. I knew you'd make it here.

Subaru: Quiet now, you're still weak! I've managed to close your wounds, and stop the internal bleeding, but you're still quite frail right now.

CM(Mimiru): Right, female body, yeah.

Subaru: No... you took a hard hit. Women aren't that weak!

CM(Mimiru): Whatever.

Subaru: *sigh* Geb, let's get you finished up also.

Geb had not said a word this entire time, and seemed to be crying into his shirt.

Geb: Leave me! I have no wish to live!

Subaru: What crazy talk is that!?

CM(Mimiru): He's been going on like that for a while now... talkin' about how he hates himself, how horrible his life has been, how unfair life is...

Subaru: Oh no... not that... I think...

CM(Mimiru): What? What is it?

Subaru: I think he's contracted Emo!

CM(Mimiru): Emo! Oh no! Wait... what is that?

Subaru: Emo! It's like, a goth, but without the devil worship. Very bitter disease.

Suddenly, a cry reached out to their ears

Mimiru(CM): Phoenix Gust!

CM(Mimiru: Wait, that sounded like ... well ... me!

Subaru: Your right, that was Mimiru!

CM(Mimiru): But that's one of my spells... OH GOD, SHE CASTED ONE OF MY SPELLS!

Subaru: What?

CM(Mimiru): I'VE GOT TO GET TO HER, WHO KNOWS WHO SHE KILLED! SHE CAN'T HIT THE BACKSIDE OF THE MOON WITH MAGIC!

Subaru: No, wait, I'll go. You make sure Geb doesn't kill himself or something. Neither of you are fully healed yet...

CM(Mimiru): But you look to be in no condition to fight either!

Subaru: Yeah, I know, but I'll manage.

Subaru runs off, thinking in her mind: "Yes, I've got to manage. I've relied on my friends far too much, I need to do something myself, to really fight for what I believe in. Damn, this would be so much easier if I had... well... if I was with... him.

Upon arriving at the battle scene, Subaru sees a recovering Persephone, now without her protective outer skin. However, it takes her a moment to notice Mimiru on the ground, obviously exhausted.

Subaru: Mimiru! Are you alright?

Mimiru(CM): Yeah, I just... overexerted myself... I did her in good though, right?

Subaru: Yeah, you did.

Persephone: Yes, you did quite admirably. But I am not finished yet, and it appears I know have the upper hand. Two injured, weak fighters, and a superior robot. Who will win?

Subaru: I don't think you'll even have a chance!

Persephone: Cute. Shall I give you a taste of the power of the Goddess of the Underworld?

Subaru attacks first, and quickly, not giving any visible signs of injury. She strikes with her palm at Persephone's chest. With a bit of chakra placed accordingly, the hit does major damage, exploding outwards and pushing Persephone back, causing her to nearly lose her balance.

Persephone: That's some power you have. I'll have to restrict it then, if I intend to win.

Mimiru(CM): Subaru, don't let her grab you!

Subaru: What?

It was too late, however. Persephone already had a hand on Subaru's arm. The strength of Subaru began to fade from her, and she felt sleepy.

Subaru: Wha....what are you doing to me?

Persephone: Absorbing all your carbohydrates. Quite a simplistic biological system you humans rely on. Unfortunate.

Subaru fell to her knees, now struggling to maintain conciousness. Persephone released her hold on Subaru. She then walked over, and picked up CM's rusty dagger off the floor.

Persephone: You'll be happy to know, that in your weak state, this will not hurt too much. I promise to make it quick and painless.

Subaru looked over, and suddenly made the connection that Persephone intended to stab her.

Subaru: No... I won't... I won't let you kill me! I have a dream!

Persephone: Maybe you should have acted upon that dream, then.

Subaru: No! He... he doesn't even know I... I love him...

Mimiru(CM): What? Subaru?

Subaru: I will tell him! I ... I will meet him again, after today!

Subaru frantically thought about how to get out of this situation. She was obviously too weak to fight back right now. She needed to restore her energy... but how?

Persephone: Enjoy the taste of your friend's blade, Subaru.

Persephone's attack struck down with amazing speed. But it did not connect with flesh, but something far smaller, and brighter...

Subaru: A-a-antestarr?

Antestarr: I can't leave you all alone for 5 minutes, can I? Good thing I hadn't gone far...

Antestarr: As for you, I won't forgive you for this.

Subaru: No... Antestarr... wait...

Antestarr: What?

Subaru: This... is my fight. Too many have fought on my behalf.

Antestarr: Don't be foolish, you're injured! You shouldn't be fighting at all!

Subaru: No! I must do this, Antestarr. By myself!

Antestarr stared into Subaru's eyes. Her eyes shown a feeling of uncertainty, but also maturity. She fully intended to win this fight.

Antestarr: Alright. But you better win! I do so hate cleaning up other's messes!

*Subaru chuckles*

Subaru: Okay.

Antestarr: Now, I really must go! I'm already later than I wanted to be.

Subaru: Right, go.

Antestarr begins to walk off towards the darkness once again.

Subaru: Oh, and Antestarr?

Antestarr: Yes?

Subaru: We need to talk after this. Alone.

Antestarr: Yes... I know.

Antestarr smiles back at her, then leaves.

Subaru (to herself): He... knows? No, that couldn't mean... but could it? No... definately not! But... just maybe? Well, even if there is a chance... I must live to see it out!

Persephone: Hmmm, are you sure that was entirely wise? Antestarr would have ended this fight for you. I'm afraid you just turned down your only chance to survive this fight, Subaru.

Subaru: I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that.

Persephone: As long as you accept your fate, then.

Once again, Persephone brought the dagger down upon Subaru. But this time... it was deflected, by a powerful force of chakra. Following the deflection was another palm, which hit Persephone in the chin. The blast threw her up into the air and back to the ground.

Subaru: I am not finished yet!

Persephone: But... how?!

Subaru: I have great medical powers. I simply increased the adrenalin output, and boosted my body's ability to burn stored carbohydrates in fat.

Persephone: Haha, fair enough. But I can just drain you again!

Subaru: No, this time, you won't have the chance.

Persephone flips back up, and strikes at Subaru with amazing speed. Subaru, however, seems unconcerned. She deflects the attacks, using her hands and just the right amount of chakra. Then she retaliates, hitting weak points in Persephone's joints and seams. Finally, with one last thrust of the palm, Persephone is blasted backwards, her last layer of armored defense shattering, and exposing her robotic innards.

Persephone: Curses, I've suffered interior system damage. Well, I'm sorry Subaru, but we'll need to postpone this fight for another day. Hopefully I'll pose more of a challenge next time?

Subaru: What do you mean?

Persephone: Initiating callback sequence. Base, prepare for teleportation.

Only moments before Persephone teleports, a mysterious figure appears behind Persephone, with a blade that looks familiar, yet uncommon. The blade is thrusted through Persephone, near her shoulder.

Persephone: What? Who attacked me?! There are more people? I didn't sense anyone nearby!

Wai: Yes, I have a tendancy to just, wander in...

Persephone: Base, initiate teleportation! Immediately!

Wai: That won't be happening. I scanned your vitals, and destroyed your teleportation device. You aren't going anywhere.

Persephone: No... how... how could a human know this much about our technology?

Wai: For a robot, you are quite shortsighted. I'd explain it, but I don't want to give you a chance to self destruct. Goodbye.

Wai takes his /home/~wai/sword, and rips it through the rest of Persephone's body.

Wai: Well that takes care of that, then!

Subaru: Wai! Where have you been?

Wai: Oh... places...

Subaru: We could have needed you, a long time ago!

Wai: It seems so. Unfortunately, I had rather pressing things to attend to. But now I am back... for a short while at least. And a bring a gift!

Mimiru(CM): A... gift?

Wai: Yes, for you and Cool Matty!

Subaru: What could they possibly need right now?

Wai: How about... the cure for your body swap?

Mimiru(CM): You found a cure?! Where? How? What is it?!

Wai: Hold on, girl, settle! You'll give poor CM's body a heart attack! It's a pill you both must take, while touching eachother. It'll take effect in seconds, and revert you to your old selves again.

Mimiru(CM): Then we've no time to waste, let us go back to CM!

Suddenly renewed by this wonderful gift Wai brought, she summons the strength to stand back up, and with a lot of help from Wai, all three hobble back to CM and Geb.

CM(Mimiru): Wai! Where in the hell have you been, you jackass?

Wai: Stuff it pretty boy, I've got a special gift for you and your boyfriend.

CM(Mimiru): Maybe I don't want your stinkin gifts!

Mimiru(CM): No, you want this. Trust me.

Wai: Yes, listen to your boyfriend.

Mimiru(CM): Will you stop saying that?!

Wai: Hah, fine fine. CM, I bring you, the cure for your bodyswap.

CM(Mimiru): No Wai!

Wai: Yes, wai.

Mimiru(CM): Yeah, Tsukasa! All we need to do touch eachother, and take these pills!

CM(Mimiru): Finally, the nightmare is over... I was afraid I was going to have a period...

Mimiru(CM): Way to be out there with it, jeez!

CM(Mimiru): Alright then, let's do this.

Wai hands them both a pill. The two come close, and Mimiru grabs CM's hand.

CM(Mimiru): Mimiru... you know... I think I'd rather touch you in a different way... like...

CM puts the pill in her mouth, then in his. Then he leans over, and kisses. They both swallow the pill, and for a moment, they remain that way, locked in a kiss.

Subaru: Aww... damn! They look so good together, you know?

Wai: No actually, I really don't.

Subaru: Coldhearted *******.

Wai: *shrug*

Finally, they broke the kiss, and the first thing they did was look down.

CM: Alright! The two girls left the party, and the big boy is BACK!

Mimiru: Oh God... why in the world did I ever decide to marry you?

CM: Because you like my sick jokes?

Mimiru: Liking and ignoring are two very, very different things, Tsukasa.

Wai: Ouch.

Mimiru: Wait a second, where's my bra?

CM: What?

Mimiru: You sick perverted freak! What were you doing with my body?

CM: No! I didn't, I mean, I wouldn't!

Mimiru: Come here! I am going to pound your face in!

CM: Oh no, why does she still have my rod! Put the rod down!!! OH GOD!

Subaru: So, Wai, you think I should tell her I took the bra off when I was healing CM, or should I wait till later?

Wai: I don't think it'd change anything if you said so now anyway.

Subaru: You're probably right.

CM: OH GOD, WHY'D YOU HAVE TO KICK ME THERE! YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURTS, YOU SPENT ENOUGH TIME IN MY BODY!

Mimiru: UNLIKE YOU, I WASN'T EXPERIEMENTING WITH YOUR BODY, YOU PERVERT!

Subaru: No, I take that back. You're definately right.

Subaru: Say, Wai, where DID you get that cure anyway?

Subaru turned around to look at Wai, but he was gone.

That's it for now! What will happen next? What of Antestarr? And what is this strange conversation between him and Subaru? And will CM survive the wrath of Mimiru scorned? All of this, and a heck of a lot more (and probably some stupid crap from the writers) next time, on the Never-ending Story!

GebTheWriter: Stupid crap?

TLTETheWriter: Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?

CMTheWriter: Uhh... Nothing! *gebs it*

TLTETheWriter: Hey, where do you think you're going? Get back here!

GebTheWriter: Janitor! Stop CM from leaving!

TracerTheJanitor: I told you not to call me that!

CMTheWriter: I didn't mean anything by it! Oh please, no, not the NeSi bio pages! Not again! I swore I'd never work on those again! Oh God, fine, please, just stop beating me with the mop!

Suddenly in the writers' realm...

A giant ball of fire appears. The soundtrack rocks out with some wicked guitar music, and as the flames begin to disappate an ancient skeletal creature appears. The elder writers recognize Sem, who forms the remaining fire around him into words with flowing hand gestures, and narrates each word in a thunderous voice as it forms:

Benevolent...
Upward...
Mobility...
Post...

All gaze upon him in awe.

What the heck is this?

What?

Ok, first off, loose the booming voice and use speech tags like everyone else

But I'm making my entrance!

What kind of idiot narrates their own entrance? Do you have any idea how stupid you look? And when did you get magical powers anyway?

Sem the Writer: Dude, I've always had magical powers! I came in with them on page 3! I've had magical powers longer than you've had a job!

No, Semievil has magical powers. Sem the Writer is just an idiot. And stop using italics, those are mine.

StW: Bah!

And we all appreciate good rock, but what the heck is this crap you've got playing? It sounds like someone's torturing a Ukulele. And also you're still on fire.

StW: Fuq... well this didn't go quite as I'd planned.

Geb the Writer: Slacker- sit down and get writing. And don't catch anything else on fire.

StW, noticing Tracer: J-Bob! What's up man? What's with the maid outfit?

Tracer the Writer: I'm not a janitor!

StW: Whatever man... you might wanna reconsider that dress thing you got goin on there... doesn't do much for your figure. *recieves mutual smacks from GtW and TtW*

Will Sem actually make a story post for NeS? Will Tracer ever be distinguishable from Janitor Bob again? Does he really have that bad a figure? Find out next time on...

GtW: You know, if you bothered to actually narrate instead of asking redundant questions about insignificant plot elements, we'd know by now.

Need I remind you of my Union Contract!!!

StW: Hey, Gimme back my booming voice!

Setting: Siberian bunker. Young sits across a table from the Shattered Geb. The two are in a large, hexagonal chamber that is the center of the bunker. The set-up certainly conjurs parallels of the first scene of the NeS, with Gebohq and Ares in the Arena.

Young: I don't understand why the two of us are sitting here, as we are, doing nothing.

S. Geb continues to stand in his place, gripping the NeSword and the darkfoil, which are lying on the table.

Young: Gebiyl?

S. Geb: I don't know why, but I feel as if I've lost my potential. My hopes are gone. It would seem I've gained nothing from all this time examining you -- you couldn't be cloned, or altered by any physical or psychological means provided in this facility. I can feel the EeP growing stronger, ready to break me at any moment. Maybe it already has. The evils in this darkfoil also wish to use me. And why not? I've been cursed by a convinience store, for the story's sake! Caring about one's own life is futile. Or is it?

S. Geb falls oddly limp, while standing in place. Young looks at him. S. Geb snaps his head back up, looking at Young with wild eyes.

S. Geb: GAH! Why am I telling you any of this?

Young: There there. Would you like a doughnut?

S. Geb: WHAT????

Young pulls out a box of doughnuts, and opens them.

Young: I stole them from your pocket when you weren't looking. Though for some reason, some of them are missing now...

Off in the shadows, Bhac watches the scene between S. Geb and Young, munching on a doughnut.

S. Geb: GIMME THOSE!!!!

S. Geb snatches the box viciously from Young's grasp, then begins tearing through the box and devouring as a wild animal would.

S. Geb: GNAWGNAWGNAWCHOMPGNAWGNAW...precious doughnuts... tasty doughnuts... GNAWGNAWGNAWCHOMPCHOMPGNAWGNAWGNAWGNAWsnarfle... lick.

Young: Uh... so we chit-chat now?

S. Geb: Or what if I kill you? I've yet to see how these blades would affect you...

A feral grin spreads across his face, and he wields the two blades in his hands. Young begins to eye nervously for exits. S. Geb knocks the table away with the NeSword, drawing closer to Young, when behind her, in the large open hallways that surround and look down into their chamber, havoc breaks out.

random guard: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

S. Geb looks upwards, behind Young, to see Russian guards marching towards the only exit outside the Siberian bunker. AK-47s begin firing, followed by more screams, as the bodies fly backwards. Enter Vashuko, having pulled apart the walls as improvised shields, making room for himself as he enters. Vashuko then drops down into the chamber S. Geb and Young are in, taking no notice of them as he continues to tear the place apart.

Vashuko: WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS THE POWER WHICH I SEEK?

S. Geb: Hey!

Vashuko continues to take no notice of S. Geb.

S. Geb: HEY!

S. Geb takes a swipe at Vashuko's back with the NeSword. Vashuko stops, and turns to face S. Geb.

Vashuko: You! Tell me where the power I seek is being kept!

S. Geb: *slightly stunned* Hold on...

S. Geb grabs Young with his NeSword arm, as she is trying to make her escape.

S. Geb: OK, now we talk.

Vashuko: There is nothing to talk about. Give me what I want.

S. Geb: Fine. You want power? Try this!

S. Geb, using Young as something of a shield, stabs Vashuko with the darksaber. Vashuko laughs at first, then gasps in realization, as his essence is drawn into the darksaber. A strange calmness hangs in the air, as the evil within the darksaber swells. S. Geb releases his hold on Young, who distances herself from him, as he holds the NeSword and the darksaber in his hands.

S. Geb: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Voice: Excellent work.

Young turns behind her to see a towering dark figure garbed in dark blue -- Morthrandur. Bhac also takes notice.

Bhac: Oh no... not him. Can't allow this to happen.

Using his powers as the left Hand of NeS, Bhac stops the scene in place. Young watches as Bhac approaches her and S. Geb.

Bhac: I'm sure you'll appreciate if I relocate you and evil Geb elsewhere, yes Young?

Suddenly, S. Geb snaps from his statue-esque pose, and turns to Bhac.

S. Geb: But I wouldn't.

Bhac: What the--

Bhac pulls out his staff, and attempts to do something to S. Geb, but is cut short as S. Geb smacks him away, sending him flying into a wall. The scene continues, and Morthrandur approaches S. Geb. Bhac stays in place, shocked at the loss of control on his part.

Morthrandur: And who are you, little blue-haired girl?

Young: I am a child of NeS, the first of my kind. Who are you?

Morthrandur: I am an Agent of Forever. *looks past Young and at S. Geb* And you've been holding her captive?

S. Geb: What do you want?

Morthrandur: I want you to take your place, as NeSummoner, and rule the NeS, Shattered One. I must admit, I was certain that you would not do when you failed to defeat Gebohq in Hell for ownership of the NeSword. I went in search of another. But now I hear that the EeP resides in you, and I see you wield the NeSword. You may yet be able to supplant Gebohq as the true wielder of NeS.

S. Geb: And how do you suppose I do that? In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been able to do much lately.

Morthrandur: Return to NeShattered. Rebuild your strength, and then strike the NeS when the time is right.

S. Geb: Go back to that dump? Screw you. That story's dead.

Morthrandur: You could bring her with you...*gestures to Young*

S. Geb: And what? Have her stand there and look pretty? I've gone evil, remember? I'm sterile, not getting anything in that department. That's why all us villians are searching for immortality, you know?

Morthrandur: Then marry her first! Your marriage could be blessed back in NeShattered, and then you could have children. Or have you forgotten that villians also take women in unholy matrimony?

Young shifts her attention between Morthrandur and Shattered Geb, looking increasingly worried.

S. Geb: Of course! How did I forget? An evil wedding, how classic! I'll go along with your idea, for now. Let's get out of this hellhole, for starters.

S. Geb grabs Young, and exits the SIberian bunker with Morthrandur. Bhac gets up and wanders the chamber, deep in thought. Moments later, Lt. Col. Romanov enters the scene.

Lt. Col. Romanov: What the hell? WHAT HAPPENED HERE? Why didn't someone wake me up? Where is everyone?

Bhac: Hello there. You're coming with me. We have some things to talk about.

Romanov stares at Bhac as Bhac approaches him, and then Bhac transports the two of them away.

Sarn and Sok Munkey stand outside room 12, at the Nowhere Inn. Sarn's fisted hand hovers over the door, poised to knock. He hesitates.

Sok: What are you waiting for? Knock already!

Sarn: I.. I'm afraid. What if she doesn't like me?

Sok: You'll never know until you try. Want me to knock for you?

Sarn: No... Just give me a second.

Sarn breathes deep. His hand comes back... and stops. He looks at Sok Munkey.

Sarn: You ever feel like things are happening that you should be a part of, only you're not? Like somewhere you have a friend in trouble, only you can't get to him?

Sok: What are you talking about? Knock on the damn door already.

Sarn: Don't give me orders, Lieutenant. Have you forgotten your place?

Sok: Uhh.. No... ahh, sir.

Sarn: Good. Now then, we need a plan. We'll divide up into two fireteams, alpha and be...

Sok: Beta, sir?

Sarn: What are you talking about? Who are you calling sir? Call me Sarn, you freak.

Sok: Uhh, right. Are we gonna go in... Sarn?

Sarn: Don't question me, Lieutenant. And how many times do I have to tell you. Call me sir! Why, when I was a lieutenant, Admiral Noman would have had me over the barrel for that kind of insole...

Sok: Uhh, what?

Sarn: Stand aside, pilgrim. The forces of darkness await us in the depths of this abyss, and I mean to confront them. It could get nasty.

Sok: eh, right then. So knock on the door already.

Sarn: Damnit, Lieutenant. I told you, stop giving me orders!

Sok: Sarn! Snap out of it, already!

*Sok Munkey slaps Sarn full across the face.

Sarn: Uhh.. What just happened? Why does my cheek hurt?

Sok: You were going nuts. Kept changing personalities... I think the stress is getting to you. Let's just knock on the door and get this over with already, ok?

Sarn: Right then.

*Sarn brings his fist against the door. Just as it should connect, the door opens from within. Out steps a maid.

Maid: Oh, excuse me, gentlemen.

Sarn: Where's Voodoo?

Maid: I'm sorry, sir. I'm not sure who you're looking for.

Sok: Mam, we're looking for someone who was renting this room. Do you know when she'll be back?

Maid: I'm afraid I don't... Excuse me, I must get back to work.

The maid steps past Sarn and Sok, letting the door close behind her. However, before it latches, Sarn blocks the door with his foot. The two step inside the room. The room is small, a single queen bed that takes up most of the room and an old television set along one wall. The bed is neatly made. There's no sign that the room is being rented.

Sarn: She's gone. Where could she have gone?

more to come...

[the following space is reserved]

...

...

...

Hey, it's gotten quiet. I thought I heard a B.U.M.P. but now I can't seem to find it. Where did it go?

*cue a tumbleweed passing through the frozen lands of NeS.*

Uh-oh...

As the sinister shrub shambles across the Siberian snows, Sem sits oblivious to the shadowy scoundrel sneaking Semward... what the heck is this crap? I've never seen such sparsely shrouded or obvious alliteration in... aww hell, look 'Semward' isn't even a word.

Sem the Writer: Look, just read the script, ok? Everyone knows what it means.

Tumbleweed don't even grow in permafrost! Geb was just making a bump!

StW: Hey, no back-talk here! That contract works both ways.

*grumble*
...
....
.....
Suddenly the tumbleweed engulfs the unsuspecting Sem

StW: What the hell!?!?

Good idea. As the tumbleweed rolls over Sem it blinks out of existance, transporting itself and Sem into the Depths of Hell ...[/i]

StW: WTF is going on here?

In the writers' realm, a tumbleweed bursts through the door.

StW: That doesn't even make sense.

Tumbleweed the Writer: What? I have a character in the story, so I'm applying for writer status.

StW: ... I hate my life.

Meanwhile, in Canadaland...

Sem: That was odd... and I seem to be wearing a tumbleweed.

Tumbleweed: Welcome to Hell!

Sem: If this is hell, why is it cold?

Tumbleweed: Because it is the deepest, darkest circle of hell: CANADA!!!

Sem: Oh, right. So what now? I don't really remember my character motivation, and nobody knows I'm here.

I dunno... talk to your writer.

StW: Totally not on me, dude. This is your idea, you deal with it.

Well crap... here... take this radio.

Sem: ... I hate my life. *come in Geb... this is Sem... the writers left me in Hell*

See, this is totally working- this story arc is gonna take off like nothing, you'll see.

A faded Winnebago skids and fishtails around on the ice, stopping moments from Sem. Out burst Ammobelt and Guzzard, one clenching a fistful of bullets, the other, a clay jug.

Sem: "...Geb? This isn't the kind of relief I was asking for!"

"Give me that radio," Guzzard says, snatching the transmitter. "Mama Bear Bundy, Mama Bear Bundy, this is Rooster Egg Salamander coming in... do you copy, over."

Radio: "crrr....crrrrr...crrr... ... over."

Guzzard: "Mama Bear Bundy, we're in a bit of a fix right now, no time for games, you can forget that ten bucks you owe me."

Radio: "cr- Oh, you're coming in a lot better, Rooster Egg, what seems to be the matter? Over"

Guzzard: "Me 'n Ammobelt- I mean, uh, Yucutan Horizon've found the Package, the weed brought him right to us. Over"

Radio: "10-4, Rooster Egg, bring'm home, over."

Guzzard: "Little problem, Big Bear, the mounties are hot on our trail, requesting full-out extraction, over."

Radio: "Negative, can't spare anything at the moment. Is it really that bad, Rooster Egg? Over"

Ammobelt starts firing his gattling gun at the line of mounted police emerging from a distant treeline.

Guzzard, shouting over the gunfire: "AFFIRMATIVE MAMA BEAR. (over)"

Radio: "...crrr...cr-crrrr..."

Ammobelt: "What'd she say?"

Guzzard: "ahh, buncha nothin', just keep shooting."

Sem: "What... is going on? Tumbleweed, what have you gotten me into? ...Tumbleweed? Dagnabbit, he must have... tumbled away while I wasn't looking."

On the contrary, the brushy plant had taken the wheel of the Winnebago and was attempting to fire up the engine. Guzzard grabs Sem by the collar and hoists him into the van as Ammobelt leans out the rear and keeps up a stream of bullets. The Mounties, however, dodge this quite well and thunder closer and closer, swords at the ready.

With one last twist of the key, Tumbleweed revs up the engine and off the Winnebago speeds into the hinterland, at least twenty Mounties in hot pursuit on a cold Arcadian day.

Subaru: Wai is gone again? I swear, that android makes no sense to me.

Mimiru is leaning over Gebohq, trying to push back the lank, greasy black hair that has suddenly fallen over his eyes, but Geb resists and mumbles the verse to Something Corporate's "Konstantine". Cool Matty stands, brow furrowed, looking at the absolute devastation that the battle has wrought. The terrain is not even distinguishable as jungle anymore: like so many areas the NeSHeroes have visited, it is now a study in barren, scorched desolation.

CM: This is bad. I wish that Wai hadn't left. Or Antestarr, for that matter. We still don't understand so much about these events...

TLTE: Comrade.

CM looks across to see a withered black shape, slowly pulling himself off the ground. In alarm, the mage draws his rusty dagger - but it is not the Potential Phoenix, but rather The Last True Evil, looking...

CM: My God, TLTE, are you alright?

TLTE pulls his overcoat around his battered frame, and his black eyes take in the bruised earth, just like CM. He stands as a chill wind passes between them both, looking too old and too alone to ever be alright again...

TLTE: No. No, I don't think I am.

CM: What happened?

TLTE: I...I guess you could say that the potential in me just died.

CM: You mean Phoenix?

TLTE: No, I don't.

He fumbles in his overcoat for a moment, pulling out a small object. CM is bemused to see that it is a hairpin. TLTE studies it for a long moment, turning it over, searching it with his gaze...and then, with a small grunt of effort, he throws it as far as he can into the jungle canopy.

TLTE: Help me search Erronem's remains. Perhaps we can deduce why the Potentials struck against us in the first place, and close the file on this sorry mess.

The two men stride over to the shattered form of Gebohq's Potential, while Gebohq himself continues to struggle weakly against the concern and love of Mimiru.

The wind caresses them obliquely as they walk, whispering coldly.

Despite only knowing Erronem in battle, TLTE and CM cannot help but stand over him with great reverence. They exchange glances: CM nods and gulps.

CM: Here we go...

Subaru: GUYS!

TLTE and CM both jump, startled. Subaru runs up to them, her hands full.

CM: Good God, Subaru, what?

Subaru: I'm sorry, I'm just glad you're still alive after all this chaos...

She hugs CM awkwardly, then presents herself more formally to TLTE.

Subaru: TLTE, Antestarr has gone. He asked me to give these to you.

Subaru hands TLTE a small metallic device, transparently labelled "Hyper Time Modulator", and a scrawled note.

TLTE: Great. I always wanted one of these. Whatever the **** it is. Now, this note...

"TLTE - this device should be of some use to you. It allows you to move in writer-time: a difficult concept to relate to you, even if we had an entire afternoon and hand puppets. Experiment with the device, and use it to retrieve all the NeSHeroes from around the globe, wherever they may be. Their lives may still be in danger. However, I am confident now that I can explain the situation, and I will be paying the originator of this plot against us a visit. I am still unsure of their true identity, but with the Potentials lying broken in front of us, it is only a matter of time.

It was my calculated risk, disbanding the NeSHeroes in the heart of danger. It may turn out to have been an error. Therefore, I will resolve this matter myself. I will see you in better times. -Antestarr" ...that's all.

CM: So...what now?

TLTE: Well...let's see what we can find, anyway.

Gingerly, he kneels and examines the corpse.

CM: Being a standard superhero type, he doesn't have many personal effects. Doesn't have many pockets, now you come to think of it. Just his car keys, his wallet, and....this book...

TLTE: A book?

!AT THAT VERY MOMENT!

Antestarr kneels over the corpse of Alexan, a soberly curious look on his face.

Antestarr: I hope you don't mind, Potential, but I will require your belongings to get to the bottom of this...

His hands descend to his robes and withdraw -

Antestarr: A book?

!AT THAT VERY MOMENT!

TLTE: What...what kind of book?

But as he says the words, a kind of stupefying dread blankets his waking thoughts. CM exchanges a plainly worried glance with him, and communicates the exact same thought. With mildly trembling hands, CM opens the dusty tome and reads the first line of the first page, just as Antestarr himself does standing over Alexan's body:

CM: "These instructions will hopefully reach you with the greatest haste. The NeSHeroes have, in one of life's great ironies, become the most serious threat to the NeS that I have ever researched. Before the end of NeSquared - the current iteration of the NeS - they will perpetuate a series of events that will annihlate our universe, and everyone within. In order to ensure our survival, you must take action. I have attached detailed instructions as to where they are travelling, the size of their company and the profiles of each member."

Ante: "Regrettably, you and I both know that it falls to you to remove them. I would gladly assist, but my human frailty and lack of combat experience reduces me to the post of advisor. However, as venerated NeScholars and eminent warriors, I am certain that you will have total success in eliminating them."

CM: "I have investigated the moral and metaphysical consequences of your actions and have concluded that the NeS will survive their removal. Documents included in this text affirm my hypothesis, despite prior evidence to the contrary."

Ante: "Gentlemen, we have survived the Ever-ending Plot. We will survive the NeSHeroes. They will undoubtedly fight back, and protest to their innocence if questioned: pay them no heed. I wish you the best of luck, if you will indulge an old man in a ridiculous cliche. Sincerest regards..."

CM looks up at TLTE as he finishes, his face ashen and drawn.

CM: "...Arkng Thand."

Meanwhile, in the Nowhere Inn....

Sok Munkey: Let's look around. Maybe we can find a clue or something.

Sarn: It's no use. The people that took her were professio...

Sarn suddenly trails off. His eyes close momentarily. When they open, they are changed from their normal hazel color to a bright, electric green.

Sok Munkey: Woah! That's some trick. How did you do that, Sarn?

Sarn: huh?

Sok Munkey: With your eyes! That is creepy!

Sarn: What are you talking about?

Sok Munkey: Your eyes! They're bright green, like you just climbed out of a vat of plutonium.

Sarn: That's weird.

Sok Munkey: That's not natural. Come on, let's look around. Maybe Voodoo left something.

Sarn: Who?

Sok Munkey: Voodoo, your lost love, we've been searching for all this time.

Sarn: I don't know what you're talking about. Now, come on. We've got to get out of here.

Sok Munkey: You know where she is?

Sarn: Of course I do. He told me.

Sok Munkey: What? Who told you?

Sarn: Come on. Let's go.

Sarn strides confidently out of the room, without a second glance. Sok Munkey throws up his arms and follows. He emerges from the room to see Sarn just beginning to pull out of the Nowhere Inn parking lot in the modified Mustang. Sok Munkey runs after him, waving his arms.

Sok Munkey: Wait!

Brake lights flash on the Mustang as Sarn pulls to a stop. The passenger side window rolls down smoothly with an electric hum.

Sarn: You're coming along then?

Sok Munkey: Of course. I'm not just gonna sit around here.

Sarn: Well, get in then.

Sarn taps a button on the dashboard and the door slides vertically open, disappearing into a compartment in the roof.

Sok Munkey: Woah, you been reading the manual?

Sarn: What?

Sok Munkey: Nevermind. Where are we going?

Sarn: Not quite sure. Somewhere in Africa. Some kind of jungle or something.

Sok Munkey: Oh... We're driving to Africa?

Sok Munkey rolls his eyes.

Sok Munkey: Maybe I should drive.

Sarn: Nah, that's ok. I've got it under control.

Sarn pulls out onto the street, one hand on the wheel, the other flying over the dashboard pressing buttons, seemingly at random. Lights begin to flash, and speakers in the headrests of the driver and passenger seats sound a warning buzz. Deep under the hood of the Mustang, a mechanic whirring sound begins. The sound slowly intensifies in volume. Sok Muneky grips his armrests in alarm.

Sok Munkey: What's happening?

Sarn: I'm thristy.

A compartment opens just below the dashboard. The whirring sound resides. Sarn reaches in and pulls out a cup of coffee. Sok Munkey chuckles nervously.

Sok Munkey: Had me going there for a second, hehe.

Sarn glances up absentmindedly.

Sarn: Hang on.

Sarn taps a button on the steering wheel. There's a flash of light directly in front of the two. Sok Munkey screams. The light resolves into a plot hole and the car plummets through. Sarn calmly sips his coffee. The plot hole shrinks and disappears behind the two in another flash of light.

*******

Back at the Nowhere Inn, a figure in a long trench coat emerges from the shadows outside of room 12. His eyes are wide. He stares at the now empty street muttering to himself unintellegibly.

Detective: just like last time.. the flash of light... and they're gone... but I was right... they came back here... the inn... now they're gone... but I was right...

Sarn and Sok Munkey sit suspended in the aimless depths of a plothole. Sok Munkey looks out the window, drumming his fingers on his knee while Sarn puts another sugar into his coffee.

SokMunkey looks over at Sarn. His emerald eyes illuminated with only the faintest shimmer. They shake and quiver like water, as though gazing into shallow waters of a green sea.

Sok: Sooooo. . .

Sarn focuses his gaze on SokMunkey.

Sok: See, if you had spun a globe, closed your eyes, and pointed at a random destination, I might understand this little Safari we're going on a little better. But as it is. . .

Sarn looks down and stirs his coffee. SokMunkey tries a new approach.

Sok: You know, once I up and left Washington once on a whim. I woke up one morning, packed my things and in 2 hours I was headed down the coast with no particular aim or destination. I would stop in a town, live there for a while and take off again when the mood struck. I traveled from coast to coast this way. See, I thought i was being spontaneous, but Africa. In 2 minutes.

Silence.

Sok: You see where I'm going with this? It's more than a little weird to ju--

SokMunkey stops short and looks at Sarn, his eyes screwing into the side of his head, those eyes. Trying to find a seam, a crack to pull open and stare at the inner workings of that skull. See what is sitting behind those eyes. . .

Those eyes. It's like he isn't even there, like I'm sitting in the car with two people right now, one bound and gagged in the back seat. His consciousness locked somewhere in the back of his mind, on the dark side of his heart until a more convenient time. It's as though something is eclipsing his soul behind those eyes, leaving a black hollow behind the deceptive luminescence.

screw it. It's not like I had plans anyway.

Sarn and SokMunkey look out the windows again, the darkness taking on a physical nature, writhing and whisping like smoke. Hypnotising in its own way.

SokMunkey: So, what about reentry?

Sarn: What?

SokMunkey: Do we need to worry about reentry burns, or popping up in the middle of a pygmy village or anything like that?

Sarn stares as though Sok's head just dissapeared. Sok glances a couple times at Sarn and peers out the window again, slightly uncomfortable. Sarn's gaze breaks finally as the light beams blindingly in the car. A flash of Savana is seen, then black. Another flash, this time of rainforest. Like a movie reel flashing images. suddenly they drop into reality again, rolling through Thick underbrush, the heavy green leaves slapping loudly on the hood of the mustang. The car rolls to a stop and The two exchange galnces. A small oxygen mask drops out of the ceiling in front of SokMunkey. Sarn pushes a button and the doors swoosh open. The pervasive humidity floods in with a suffocating rush. The Midday sun bears down on the tree canopy far above, stabs beams of light through every gap and hole, the leaves above casting a bright green glow into the atmosphere. Shortly ahead of them is a clearing. It looks like a warzone. The ground is torn, debris is strewn across the landscape. SokMunkey looks over the roof at Sarn, trying to breathe in the thick air.

It's like trying to inhale a liquid. What are we doing here anyway? what is so bloody important about Africa anyway? It's called the dark continent for a reason. There's nothing here but overgrown weeds and It feels like this air is leaking into my cranium and my brain is swimming in it.

SokMunkey: Ok, where are we exactly? And why does it look like we just missed Rambo?

sarn: we're in the congo.

[teaser post]

Deep in the realms of 1337, a chuckle can be heard. The chuckle begins as a soft, almost girlish sound, but slowly increases in magnitude, echoing through the realm. The chuckle emanates from Mayaal as he watches the NeS unfold through screens floating in the eternal whiteness that is 1337.

Mayaal: Bravo, Sarn, bravo. Quite an entrance. Now bring her to me...

Somewhere at sometime a student in a composition and literature course is working on an assignment about themes and storytelling.

In the story NeS, a interactive story written by many authors, not to be confused with the motion picture The NeverEnding Story, abandonment is often a returning theme. For example, will the character "throw in the towel" in the latest epic battle of the century of the week? Or another example is where several of the old NeS heros have recently disbanded and now seem to have abandoned their rolls in the story. Some characters exist around the theme of abandonment or being forgoten or have forgot their past or would rather abandon their past.

At times in the story it seemed that the story may not continue, be it happening with in its own plot, in fact an element with in the story is the ever-ending plot(ceasing,the end), or the fact that the writers themselves may have left never to write for the story again. Sometimes I think the real 'hero' in NeS is the B.U.M.P. The B.U.M.P. is a post made. In effort to keep the story alive....

* march march march march march march march *

Grammar Nazi: Stop! Improper MLA format! Overuse of direct quotes from the dictionary. Attempted ending of a sentence in a preposition. Your writing contains Run-on sentences, Incomplete sentences, misspellings and I statements. Have you ever heard of tenses? You even forgot how to denote titles for motion pictures. You disgust me.
Student: But! But it's just a beginning rough draft!
Grammar Nazi: Take him away!
Student being dragged away to his doom: "Noooo! Wait! can I have an extension! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!


An urban tumble weed (AKA plastic grocery bag) blows across the the scene.


...................
I will miss you too my sweetheart
but I will return
to you I promise
said the young hero
I rather hold you
in my arms forever
but duty calls my dear
and now I must go

There once was a girl
who came from
all the way back
from who knows when
But who she was
and what she did
those details are
pretty much forgotten
..................
"Stay in the car," the detective said "I'll be back in a minute."

Still wrapped in a terry cloth robe and with her arms crossed across her chest, Voodoo sat in the passenger seat, eying the keys and stearing wheel.

TLTE and Cool Matty look at each other. It is an uncertain, fearful, almost humbled look, and it lasts a very long time.

TLTE: Arkng Thand?

CM: Arkng Thand.

Both: It can't be.

But it is. Irrefutably, Arkng Thand is the mastermind behind the plot against the NeSHeroes. It makes total sense.

CM: This doesn't make any sense!

TLTE: He's been playing on our disorentation...our lack of direction, our need for a mentor...since we met him...

CM: But he's a NeScholar! That means he's a good guy!

TLTE: Does it, though? The only other NeScholar we know is - oh, borscht.

CM: Antestarr.

TLTE: He just defeated Alexan -

CM: - he would have discovered Alexan's copy of this letter -

TLTE: - in his pride, half of him would deny this vehemently...the other half would accept full responsibility -

CM: - in either case -

TLTE: - Antestarr has gone to face Arkng Thand.

Without a single word further, TLTE turns to leave. CM grabs his shoulder, pulling him back.

CM: TLTE, wait!

TLTE spins, rage and determination on his face.

TLTE: Let me go.

CM: Comrade -

TLTE: Let me GO, damn you!

CM: TLTE, what do we know about Arkng Thand? Really?

Silence. TLTE glares at him, gritting his teeth.

TLTE: He's just an old man in a chair.

CM: That's stupid, and you know it. You know well what it feels like, entering that tower. Walking in his chambers. It feels like...

TLTE: ...

CM: ...it feels like a hole in the fabric of reality. It feels like nothingness. I imagine that it feels like being dead.

TLTE grunts in surprise, looking at CM searchingly.

CM: The point is, Thand isn't...well, I don't think he's human.

TLTE: So what? He's an old man that'll split in two and reveal something with fangs. We've killed much worse in our travels!

CM: Not like that. I...I don't think he's less than human, I think he's MORE than human.

More silence between them. The Congo atmosphere is both suffocating and freezing.

CM: I know how you must feel. And I agree: Antestarr has no doubt rushed to confront Thand in the dreamstate. But we know practically nothing about Thand. You're badly affected from your fight with Phoenix. Gebohq is a blubbering mess. I've just recently become a man again. Literally, I was a woman and now I'm a man. My beloved was me, and now she's her again. So she's a little out of sorts.

He puts an affirming hand on TLTE's shoulder.

CM: I understand you want to help Ante. But if he's gone to fight Thand, he may be dead already. We need to organise ourselves, then get our leader back into fighting shape, and THEN we can proceed.

TLTE: ...da. Da. Of course, you are right.

CM: Now, see, that's a much better -

TLTE sucker-punches CM, dropping him to the ground with a carefully placed haymaker.

TLTE: My apologies. But I'll need you in a minute.

He drags CM over to the prostrate Gebohq, and forces CM's hand into one of Gebohq's hands.

TLTE: SUBARU! MIMIRU! GRAB ONTO GEBOHQ!

Subaru: But, uh -

Mimiru: Why -

TLTE: DO IT!

Gingerly, Subaru and Mimiru grasp one of Gebohq's flailing arms.

At that precise, absurd moment, Sarn and Sok Munkey amble into the clearing.

Sok: Well, this looks interesting.

Sarn: ...Geb?

TLTE: NESHEROES! GRAB ONTO GEBOHQ!

Sok: Sure, why not?

Sarn: Where are we going, by the way?

TLTE: Quite possibly, our doom.

Sarn: Oh, sure.

When everyone is holding onto Gebohq, TLTE pulls the emotionally wraught hero into a sitting position, grasping him by the lapels of his blue-collar shirt so they are face-to-face.

TLTE: Geb, I know you're still there. I need you more than ever. I need you to take us to the dreamstate. I need you to wield the NeS.

Gebohq moans, weeping and flailing.

TLTE: Geb! I need...you...to...wield!

Geb tries halfheartedly to headbutt TLTE, but only hurts himself. Ironically, this works out well for him, and he cries harder.

TLTE: GEBOHQ! WIELD! I NEED YOU TO WIELD!

The other NeSHeroes exchange worried glances.

Sarn: Perhaps a cab, instead? I've got some change...

TLTE: GEBOHQ! ANTESTARR IS GOING TO DIE! FOR THE LAST TIME, I NEED...YOU...TO...W-

Then there is a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and the jungle canopy is bare once more.

Sem the Writer: So he's in a Winnebago... on ice... driven by a... tumbleweed, with two new guys fending off... mounties... with a gatling gun?

Told you it would take off. Now get to writin.

StW: Hold on, I still have a few questions.

Yeah? Like what?

StW: Well, like why they are using the worst possible means of transportation for ice? And when did ninjas become a standard emote? I mean, he's cute and all, but we should talk about equal representation for pi:ninja: here when we get a chance.

Ok, I'm not gonna touch the ninja thing. I've got ninjas and :ninja:ates both who are close friends, and I'm not gettin involved. And the mounties on ice? Ok, when we do this in the comic we'll CG the horses to keep the animal rights guys happy.

StW: It's a comic! They weren't gonna use live horses anyway! They draw everything. It doesn't even move!

I think you're just trying to get off topic. I'm gonna start the post now.

*Ahem* As the Winnebago speeds off tumbleweed struggles to maintain control on the slick field of ice. The mounties apparently had cleated horse-shoes, as they negotiated the frozen expanse with remarkable ease. They spread out in a line behind the Winnebago and then close in.

Sem: I don't like the looks of this... we seem to have a headlight out. And we're being pursued by what are obviously evil mounted police. Tumbleweed, take the wheel! I'm goin outside...

Sem grabs the wheel for a moment, gives it back to Tumbleweed, and then climbs out his window. After a harrowing climb forward onto the front bumper where he clings with one hand, his feet scraping the ground, drawn under the vehicle, Sem deftly replaces the headlight. Gripping tightly to the frame he then slides along the underside of the Winnebago until he reaches the tow package back, where he attaches himself with some chain from his trenchcoat.

Predictably however, he hits a bump in the ice and falls off almost immediately. The captain of the mounties breaks off to collect Sem as the others continue to chase down the fleeing Winnebago. But just as the captain reaches Sem Tumbleweed jams the wheel to the side. The Winnebago spins wildly out of control, sweeping into the mounties as it does so, knocking them from their mounts, and bathing Sem and the captain in the blinding radiance of the new headlight. Seizing the oppourtunity, Sem blindfolds and gags the captain with a hasty duct-taping and makes good his escape under cover of a withering hail of bullets, returning to the Winnebago which then speeds off into the distance.

Sem: Totally planned that one.

Tumbleweed rolls his branches.

*Within the black and twisting nether of the unconscious of this Neverending Story exists a state of dreamlike qualities, as though the story itself retreats here during the lulls between content. Amidst the nether, a citadel stands strong: a creation of a will from outside that of the story. Within the citadel, there is a study, complete with fancy sitting chairs and books piled upon books. Sitting in a chair in the study within the citadel amidst the nether, there appears to be a man. The man sits with a book in his lap, puffing on a pipe and releasing cobalt smoke. This is how the man spends most of his time, perusing classic works of literature whilst he waits for the results of his machinations.

Arkng Thand sat reading a book as he would any other night. His citadel had been rather quiet since sending Erronem, Phoenix, and Alexan off to meet the fate he had orchestrated for them, so when the slow clapping began he looked up from the book in his lap and raised an eyebrow at the figure emerging from the shadows.*

Thand: Hm... I thought the nether was particularly twisting and black tonight. Now I suppose I know why.

Figure: Congratulations... you really pulled one over on us this time. I'm a little surprised I didn't realize it before... then again, you've always planned a step ahead.

Thand: Three steps ahead, actually, my dear Antestarr. I already have some tea poured for your arrival. Please, have a seat. It's been a long time, my apprentice.

*Thand gestured to the chair next to him. A pair of teacups, steam rising from the brims, sat upon saucers laid out on an endtable between the two chairs. Ante took the seat next to his gracious host and picked up the teacup closest to him, bringing it just under his nose.*

Ante: Isn't Earl Grey a bit cliche these days?

Thand: Perhaps... but didn't you know? I'm a direct decendant of Charles Grey, the Second Earl Grey.

*Antestarr took a sip of his tea.*

Ante: No you're not.

Thand: Ah, well. It was worth a shot.

*Ante placed his teacup back on the saucer.*

Ante: Well, enough with the pleasantries. I'm sure you know why I'm here.

Thand: Well, I do have a fine arming sword leaning against my chair, just in case you had decided to burst in here in a fit of rage.

Ante: Back off.

Thand: Excuse me?!

Ante: I said back off. Your time passed years ago. Your methods are irresolute and, to be honest, I don't appreciate your tampering with my affairs.

Thand: It sounds as though you simply don't agree with my methods.

Ante: Perhaps, though I suppose I put value on actually taking action to see one's plans through rather than simply giving ideas to other people and letting events go as fate would dictate.

Thand: You of all people should know I account for fate just as much as I account for the actions of anyone involved. Besides, aren't you the one who left humanity to fend for itself when the world needed heroes the most?

Ante: You know as well as I do that two people could fight every day and never see eye to eye until someone bigger comes along and forces them into a position to work together. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Nothing strengthens bonds like a common foe. Still, I must say, it was brilliant how you managed to push the fulfillment of the ultimate convention. I suppose that was more like "The enemy of my enemy is the hero..." Now that I've seen your hand in this, I'm almost scared to find out why you handed me Vashuko.

Thand: Antestarr... it's true I used you. I've used you since you were wide-eyed and impressionable and I was the epitome of a true scholar to you. When the universe was unimportant and all that truly mattered was what you could do to make things better. But in the end, it wasn't you I handed Vashuko to. Otherwise, he'd be here as well, along with Helebon and the future of the Darkside. No... I handed him to Gebiyl.

Ante: You know I plan to get it back.

Thand: Plan all you want, I doubt you'll ever see it again. You see, I've also accounted for the pain you'll feel before you've even travelled thirty meters from the entrance of this place.

Ante: What kind of a threat is that? I understand this dreamstate enough that nothing you could do to me here would truly harm me.

Thand: It's not what I would do to you... it's what you brought in with you. Like I said: 3 steps ahead.

Ante: You can't mean... no... I'm fine. I'll be fine. My loss won't help save the story!

Thand: Do not worry... even if you are gone, once things come full circle back to me, I shall be able to do with the story as I see fit... and I'll be certain not to let it die.

*Ante rose from his seat, fighting to maintain his calm*

Ante: You might not let it die... but I'm sure you'd enjoy watching its suffering. I'm not sure I look forward to our next meeting. I can't guarantee I won't punch you in the face.

*Before Thand could respond Ante walked at a deliberate pace for the exit. As he walked outside, he could not escape the feeling of Thand's eyes on him. However, his attention was diverted as he fell to his knees, clutching his chest in pain.

Thand brought his teacup to his lips and took a sip.*

Thand: I doubt I'll see you again, Antestarr.

NSP: TLTE, don't freak, I doubt this messes with your post at all. I just wanted to slide some stuff in before the next arc.

The heroes, now heading in an unknown manner to Arkng Thand via the power of Geb and the NeS, find themselves really analyzing their surroundings in this "place".

CM: Woh, what happened?

TLTE: Geb is weilding the NeS. He should be taking us to Arkng Thand.

Mimiru: I feel like I've been here before...

CM: That is because, you have. This is the same place we travel through when I teleport someone.

Subaru: So... does this mean you have the power to weild also?

TLTE: I highly doubt it. This is only a tiny fraction of Geb's ability. In addition, I don't believe the mageling can teleport across dimensions, correct?

CM: Yes. Geb's power is probably a cumulation of our abilities. The ability to weild encompasses all of the NeS, of course. So it would be only natural that anything in the NeS would be his to use, or modify as he sees fit. Not that I am in any means some authoritative resource on weilding.

Mimiru: In any case, it seems to be quite some work for Geb to perform this feat. He seems pretty absorbed with himself at the moment.

TLTE: No, he is just crying. He's in a poor state of affairs still. Unfortunately, I think there's only one person who could really console him now...

Subaru: So... how long are we gonna be in this... place? Matty's teleporting generally lasts a second at most.

CM: I couldn't even venture a guess. I do know the amount of time spent in this "limbo" is relative to how far you travel, but how does one measure the distance between two dimensions? Much less going across eight of them?

TLTE: It might take a while, then. I shall use this time to come up with some sort of plan.

Subaru: I'll see what I can do with Geb...

CM: Mimiru, I'd like to talk with you about earlier.

TLTE: Okay, it is settled. Stay close, we have no idea of the true nature of this limbo.

TLTE plants himself where he was standing. CM and Mimiru walk out a bit behind TLTE. Subaru walks over and kneels beside the almost-fetal Gebohq.

Mimiru: Is this about the switch?

CM: Sort of. Look, when you were in my body, you were able to use my power. Although you had difficulty controlling it due to the sudden larger output, you COULD do it. It had me thinking... I believe your problem with casting magic isn't so much practice and mental training. It's physical.

Mimiru: Physical? Like I'm not strong enough?

CM: No. Your vision. I noticed it when I tried to cast my spells in your body. Although I failed to do so, my vision blurred as well. Your issue with controlling your magic might be because you can't see when you're using it.

Mimiru: But my vision is fine! I have 20/20!

CM: Look, it only happened when you were using your magic. Just try it if you don't believe me. Try setting up a flame.

Mimiru does so, focusing on her hand, creating a very small light.

Mimiru: Tsukasa! How did I never notice this before?!

CM: I guess you were used to it. Many people who need glasses don't notice they can't see also.

Mimiru: So, you think I should... get glasses to correct this?

CM: It's worth looking into.

Meanwhile (NeScount, to the XXXTREME!), Subaru talks kind words to Geb.

Geb: Shut up, go away!

Subaru: Geb! Listen! Crying isn't going to make anything better! You know as well as any of us that taking ACTION will change the world!

Geb: It's not worth changing anymore. Nothing's worth living for anymore.

Subaru: You don't really believe that.

Geb, in an uncharacteristically serious way, glares at Subaru, tears streaming down his face.

Subaru: If things were so hopeless, you'd have dropped your sword and gave up long ago, Geb.

Geb: So it took me a while.

Subaru: No. Just now, you proved you still cared... for something. You didn't have to weild for us. But you did.

Geb: AND WHAT IF I DID!?

Subaru: YOU WANT SOMETHING, GEB! YOU WANT! That is PURPOSE if I ever heard it! So! What do you want, Geb?

Geb: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!

Geb returns to his fetal position, while Subaru sits quietly, rubbing Geb's back.

Subaru: You know what you want, Geb. And as soon as you accept that, and strive for that, you will fight again. I know this.

Geb and the gang continue in their limbo-portal to Arkng Thand! When will they arrive? Under what circumstances will they be welcomed? What of Antestarr? All this and more, on the next NEVER-ENDING STORY!

Antestarr kneels on the ground, excruciating pain racking his body. Despite not wanting to seem weak in front of Arkng Thand, he cries out in pain.

Consciousness wanes, and black roses blossom in his vision...

And then, suddenly, there is an incredible flash of light and sound, and into Ante's view come the NeSHeroes. TLTE and Cool Matty in front, weapons drawn, their faces grim. Flanking them are Mimiru and Subaru, looking much more anxious but nonetheless ready for battle. Sok Munkey and Sarn limp in behind them, dragging with them...none other than the greatest hero the NeS has ever seen, hunched into a kind of standing foetal position, singing bad love songs off-key.

Ante: No...wait...

TLTE: Antestarr! Are you alright?

CM: He looks wounded. Thand must have gotten him already!

The two of them take a step apart, gliding past the feebly protesting Ante and approaching the seated, gentile, and quite calm Arkng Thand. Despite the gun and rusty dagger pointed at him, Thand finishes reading the last paragraph from what appears to be an impossibly ancient book before turning his full attention to TLTE and CM.

Thand: Gentlemen. There are less of you than I expected, I confess disappointment. Surely you were expecting a titanic battle? Some kind of contrived Dungeons and Dragons meets wire-fu epic that shakes the pillars of Heaven?

CM: Believe me when I say this, Master Thand: we've fought much worse than you.

Thand smiles thinly. There are what look like small, malevolent stormclouds in the depths of his eyes: neither TLTE nor CM can recall them being there before.

Thand: You are quite wrong. However, you won't be fighting me. I am afraid I cannot fight anyone anymore, unfortunately.

TLTE: Why is that, comrade? Too old? Joints too stiff?

Thand looks directly at TLTE, and the confident, smug grin is wiped from his face immediately. There is something subconsciously terrifying in Thand's expression, as if he were staring at a weapon, or at a corpse.

Thand: No. I have developed to the stage where I have grown too efficient in killing to properly 'fight' anyone. I simply...kill them.

Subaru: And yet you sent the Potentials to do your dirty work? If you're so good at killing, why'd you had to send your lackeys to do it for you?

Thand: Pertinent question. Query whether I really wanted them to kill you at all.

As this hangs heavily in the air, Thand nods, satisfied. He takes a sip of tea, and straightens the creases on his suit. Ante groans on the floor, more out of dawning revelation than pain.

Ante: The Potentials...

Thand: A misunderstood group of academics. Socially inept. No doubt you worked that out by their attempts to murder you. And that thug Shadowlord...

He grimaces slightly, sipping more tea. The NeSHeroes stand on the edge of attacking Thand out of sheer frustration, but...they are held back, somehow. By unease that is deeping rapidly into outright fear of this unassuming old man in his plush leather chair.

Mimiru: You mean to imply -

Thand: - that I lied to them so that they would attack you? Forcing you to kill them, and remove their potentially invaluable knowledge from your reach? That wouldn't be very nice of me, would it?

He laughs, shaking his head.

Thand: That is a very flattering hypothesis, madam. That would also make it easy for you, the so-called NeSHeroes: I would be branded a villain as bluntly as if you had applied a cattle prod to my forehead, and you could begin twisting the Ultimate Conventions of a story to my eventual doom. After all, do not the heroes always prevail in an epic story such as this?

TLTE: You let the Ever-ending Plot return! You financed Michael McFarlane's - you GAVE him an offensive space station, and allowed him the resources with which to destroy us!

Thand: You can prove neither of these things. What I did do was allow two morally unstable beings to use my resources. I did not tell the EeP to kill you: that is in its nature, and has been since time immemorial. I did not FORCE MacFarlane to vent his spleen on a world that no longer cares: human nature saw to that without a whisper of suggestion on my part.

CM: You...you sent the Potentials after us! You told them that we are the single greatest threat to the survival of the NeS!

Thand: And every fibre of my being, mage, believes that to be true.

Stunned silence. Thand leans forward, and there is no humour in his eyes anymore. He reaches into his jacket and withdraws a fine gold fob watch.

Thand: See the numbers? This is not an ordinary timepiece: this is a NeSwatch. We are close, now, to the end of page 16, and make no mistake: you have already set in motion a chain of events that will ensure, by page 51, the complete destruction of the NeS and everyone in it.

CM somehow manages to snort derisive laughter.

CM: That's ridiculous! How could you even predict something like that?!

For the first time, Thand's mild countenance betrays anger as he glares at the mage. Anger...but more accurately, contempt.

Thand: You young fool...you have NO idea how close you all came to the end of the world. NO idea. The Ever-ending Plot had all but totally annihlated the world. All of you lay in the Arena, dead or dying. Did any of you wonder how you went from that - total Armageddon - to driving down the freeway in a van on page 1 of NeSquared?

Silence. The NeSHeroes look among each other, and yes, they had of course pondered the issue before. But...

TLTE: Gebohq wielded the NeS and saved us all!

Thand: No. Wrong. Gebohq tried to wield the NeS and save you all, but as his current blubbering disposition indicates, he still lacks the depth of character and the presence of mind to be the true Wielder. What saved you was the accidental fulfillment of the oldest Ultimate Convention, literally, in the book. Now...prepare yourselves for a shock...

Thand rises suddenly, and all at once the books from his many shelves and bookcases fly into the air, swirling around the room, a violent maelstrom. Books slam into the faces and backs of the NeSHeroes, dazing them and putting them off-guard...but wherever Thand walks, the books falter, creating a vacuum around him. Finally, he nods imperceptibly, and the books freeze instantly in mid-air. He stands, looking at them all with a small smile again.

Thand: Look at any one of these fiction texts: from the greatest to the most puerile of classic character dramas...how does a story end?

Subaru: The good guys...live happily ever after?

Thand: And?

Sok Munkey: The bad guys are defeated?

Thand: The bad guys are defeated! Congratulations!

He claps his hands mockingly, and all of the books fly back into their repositories violently.

Thand: You never even pieced together that you only survived by defeating the primary villain of the NeS. By accident.

Sarn: And where were you? Why didn't you help us on page 51?

Thand: What makes you think I care if the NeS survives or is destroyed? I have...greater designs.

Ante: You all...run...he can't...

Thand: Be silent, Antestarr.

Thand makes a dismissive gesture with his hand, and Ante is thrown as if struck, crashing through the antechamber doors and landing painfully somewhere beyond. Immediately, the NeSHeroes spring into action - TLTE's Smith and Wesson cocks, CM's dagger glistens as it whispers through the air -

And then - with another tiny gesture from Thand - all of the NeSHeroes are twisted violently backwards. As if gravity has become overwhelming, an immense unseen pressure grinds them towards the floor. TLTE strains to aim his gun, but the pressure suddenly changes and he is pointing the gun at himself. Likewise, CM finds his dagger pressed painfully into his own chest, beginning to tear fabric and draw blood. Mimiru and Subaru, Sok Munkey and Sarn and Geb writhe on the floor, unable to to more than scream in the terrible pain.

Thand watches their agony impassively, shaking his head.

Thand: You still don't know who I am, do you? You have no idea, you insects. I have been here since the dawn of time, studying the world and everything in it. I have read every book ever written. Can you conceive of that? Without a trace of conceit, I can say credibly that I know everything there is to know about this wretched existence. I have studied your bloodlines in great detail. I have studied the bloodlines of the men and women who fashioned your clothes, forged your weaponry. I have studied your dispositions and behaviours, as I have studied the dispositions and behaviours of your ancestry...and everyone else.

The pressure on the NeSHeroes stop and they lie motionless, groaning.

Thand: When one studies the world for a lifetime, he is said to be wise. When one studies the nature and construction of reality, as I have...for thousands upon thousands of lifetimes...one becomes more than human. I am beyond power. I am reality, and I can do with it what I please. Such as suppress your pathetic attempts to hurt me.

Slowly, urbanely, Thand resumes his seat. He picks up his teacup.

Thand: There will be no great confrontation here today. You will run from this place, and you will not return, or you will be destroyed. But I am not completely inhospitable...I will tell you what you can do to perpetuate another sequel of the NeS. How you can sustain your meagre lives for another 50 pages. You must destroy the primary villain of the NeS once more. Reiterate the story, spawn a sequel. That is all you can do, my friends. That is all you can hope to do.

CM: But...we don't even know which plane of reality the Ever-ending Plot is ON -

Thand: The Ever-ending Plot, mage, is NOT the primary villain of the NeS.

Despite the pain and tension of the scene, everyone looks at Thand in great surprise and doubt. Thand shakes his head at them all, then favours them with a grin that is utterly predatory.

Thand: The primary villain of the NeS is, and always will be, The Last True Evil.

CM: Bull****! Who said you decide the villian of the story?

TLTE: Indeed. It matters not what power you hold over us, nor how much you can twist reality. The NeS is not yours to control!

Mimiru: Right! If ANYONE is able to control the NeS, it would be Geb!

Thand: It doesn't matter if I decide it, or someone else does. The NeS will only accept one primary villian in this sequel, and it is TLTE. Do you not believe me? Well, let us go down the list of possibilities!

1. Myself - Obviously not a villain, I have not directly harmed the NeS in any way, and have actually helped you heroes.
2. Helebon - If he's not dead yet, he's close to it. And he never posed a threat to the NeS itself.
3. Our mystical friends - One cannot be sure of their intentions, but I do know they are not powerful enough to harm any one of you.
4. TLTE - Was a villian in the past, has questionable ethics, and has a defined goal that does not involve the NeS's survival.

TLTE: I've changed. I've fought with these heroes, my friends, for many pages now!

Thand: Ah, but what of your goal? Tell me truthfully, TLTE, if Geb were to attempt to sacrifice Losien to save the NeS... would you stop him? Would you kill Geb to save Losien?

TLTE: That's outrageous! Geb would never do such a thing, especially to his own sister!

Thand: Answer the question, TLTE! Would you, or would you not, save Losien and sacrifice the NeS?

The plot thickens... and so does my stew. I gotta eat this stuff before I have to cut it with a knife. Stay tooned!

TLTE: "...no."

*TLTE stares down Thand. His stare is met, and then broken with a jolly chuckle.*

Thand: (sarcastic smile) "Well, then. I suppose you haven't anything to worry about."

TLTE: "I suppose not."

Thand: "Well then. Before you run off to save the day, I have several gifts to give."

Sarn: "Gifts? Sweet."

*Thand levels a glare at Sarn.*

Thand: (mutters) "...I suppose one of you had to play the fool."

Sarn: "Is the gift candy?"

Thand: "I have composed a message to each of you."

*From a desk in the corner of Thand's library a typewriter's carriage return dings. The heroes look in time to see several pieces of paper floating towards them. On plain paper and written in plainer type, there is one for each hero.*

Thand: "They contain certain information that I believe you will find useful. My only suggestion is that you keep their contents secret form one another."

Cool Matty: "Why? So you can turn us against each other in whatever game you're playing?"

Thand: "No, simply because the logic in the messages will only make sense when the intended recipient is able to place it in the proper context."

*Sarn opens his mouth to speak.*

Thand: "And no, Mr. Cadrill, you may not exchange yours for a lollipop or whatever select brand of confectionary currently tickles your sweet tooth, and if you continue to try my patience with this inane brand of humour I will end you."

*TLTE reads over his note and angrily looks up at Thand.*

TLTE: "You expect us to believe this garbage?"

Thand: "I expect, sir, for you to begin the task at hand with all the vigor and cunning that a great and mighty hero such as yourself can muster."

Sok Munkey: "Which is?"

Thand: "You need to prevent Gebiyl's union in NeShattered. The enterance is in Canada."

Gebohq: "Why bother?"

Sarn: "Hey, Canada's great. The cities are carved out of glaciers and the national food is penguin."

*Sok Munkey hisses at Sarn to shut up and then addresses Thand.*

Sok Munkey: "Fine. I guess we'll be leaving then."

*Thand smiles and makes a sweeping 'my house is your house' gesture.*

Thand: "The pleasure is always mine."

CM: This is still bull****.

TLTE: We don't have a choice in this case. We can't let Gebiyl do what he wishes. We already have one problem, we don't need more.

Sok: Yes, I guess so.

Sarn: Do you think maybe I can get a soda instead? He didn't say anything about sodas!

Subaru: Geb, come on, we need you to get us out to Canada, back in our dimension!

Geb: Forget it! Now it's just annoying. I'm going to sleep.

TLTE: Like hell you are! Wield again and get us out of here!

TLTE continues to threaten, yell, and otherwise abuse Geb in an attempt to get him to wield, but Geb would have none of it. He just laid on the ground and refused to move.

Subaru: So... who wants to ask Thand for a lift?

TLTE: Ooooh no, no way. We're getting out of here on our own. I think the less help we receive from him, the better.

Thand (in the distance, from the other room): Sounds like something a villian would say!

TLTE: Will you shut up about that?! What kind of hearing does he have, anyway?!

Mimiru: Okay, so what other brilliant idea do you have, TLTE?

TLTE: ... CM! Time to expand upon your teleportation powers!

CM: Ooooh no, no you don't. There's no way in HELL I am teleporting all of us through 8 dimensions! I can just imagine the sort of migrane I'd have after... WHY ARE YOU ALL HOLDING HANDS ALREADY?!

Mimiru: It's okay, hun, you'll be alright. I've got some Advil if you need it, anyway.

Subaru: Yeah, come on, CM, quit being such a freakin wuss!

Sarn: YAY! I finally bugged Thand enough... he gave me a soda!

CM: *sigh* I'm going to regret this. Okay, I'll try. If I end up stranding us all in limboland, I pass all responsibility to TLTE!

TLTE: Understood.

CM concentrated on Hell's black tower, one of the last things he remembered from his previous trip. The group suddenly disappeared.

Thand: It's pathetic, really. They don't even realize just how much larger the universe is, outside the NeS.

Wai: Like where I came from.

Thand: Indeed.

Wai: Have you made progress?

Thand: Some. Your origin is unfamiliar, something I read quite a long time ago, so I am trying to find my notes on it.

Wai: I am growing impatient, Thand. I came to you knowing of your genius. Your expansive knowledge of both this universe and all others. You told me you could find me a way back.

Thand: And I am working dilligently to that end! You just keep your eyes on the heroes and TLTE, and I shall keep my end of the bargin.

Wai: I won't be your doll for much longer, Thand. If I don't see results soon, I will revoke our agreement, and I will be quite unpleasant.

Thand: Is that a threat?

Wai: I have no doubts of your power, knowledge, and strength, Thand. But I have survived these millenia just as you have. I have my own ways of surviving.

Thand: Ah, but you didn't spend your time researching.

Wai: Just let it be a warning, Thand. If I find you are playing me for the fool, I will end you.

Thand (with a smirk): Yes, fine. I'll have results as soon as I can. Now, follow them. This next arc will be very unstable, I cannot have any unknown variables!

Wai: Of course, master.

A couple minutes later, the heroes arrive at Hell.

CM: AAAughh!!

Mimiru: CM! Oh god, it was worse than we thought!

CM immediately faints, slumping to the ground. Mimiru and Subaru rush to his side.

Subaru: He's okay, but he's definately out for the count. If he had gone much further, I'm not sure what kind of condition he'd be in.

Mimiru suddenly stands up, runs over to Gebohq, and lifts him up by his collar. She then slaps Geb as hard as she can across the face, leaving a burning red mark on his cheek

Mimiru: If you had just wielded, CM wouldn't have had to unnecessarily risk his life! He could have died, Geb! What the hell is wrong with you?! Don't you EVER unnecessarily risk my love's life!

Geb: Seems nothing I do is right anymore...

Geb begins to bawl his eyes out. Mimiru doesn't hesistate, and slaps him again.

Mimiru: DO YOU HEAR ME, GEB? Don't you EVER do something like that again!

Geb: Fine... FINE! Just leave me alone!

Mimiru lets go of Geb's collar, who falls back onto his butt, and immediately buries his head in his legs.

TLTE: I think we may need some time. I'll look for the entrance to NeShattered. Sok, you do the same. Subaru, you seem to be the only one who can hold a conversation with Geb anyway, see if you can get him to remember anything about where it's at. Mimiru, well, do what you're going to do. And uh... Sarn... don't do anything stupid.

Sarn: Gah! My soda exploded! I guess teleportation is like the ultimate drink shaker!

TLTE: Sigh... too late.

The heroes are in Hell! And what is this about Thand and Wai's relationship? All this, and hopefully all of it good, on the next Never-ending Story!

*Meanwhile, in Canada where the Royal Canadian Mounted Police are gaining on the runaway winnebago...*

Mountie Leader: "For the Queen of England!"

Mounties: "For the Queen!"

*However, as the Mounties close the gap Ammobelt is better able to draw a bead on them, and soon the RCMP attack squad is nothing more than a pile of robotic wreackage on the tundra floor.*

Ammobelt: "The Ammobelt strikes again and we're in the clear!"

*Guzzard picks up the radio.*

Guzzard: "Mama Bear Mama Bear, pursurers lost. Heading home."

Mama Bear: "I read you loud and clear, Rooster Egg. Return home is confirmed."

*The recreational vehicle eventually arrives at a secret Canadian base. Sem and the others exit, and are greeted by a dapper fellow in a finely-tailored suit.*

Suit: "Nice job, agents."

Semievil: "Who are you?"

Suit: "My name is...Lord Tiberius Grismath."

*WA WA WAAAAAAAAAA*

*In top-secret Canada Headquarters...*

Grismath: (grandly) "...Lord Tiberius Grismath!"

Semievil: "Who?"

*An awkward silence settles over the secret motor pool. An aide rushes over to Grismath and briefly confers with him. Grismath then straightens his expensive jacket, squares his shoulders and says:

Grismath: "Lord Tiberius Grismath!"

*Another long pause. Ammobelt coughs, and elbows Sem.*

Semievil: "Uh, hello, Mr. Grismath..."

Grismath: "Lord Grismath. Lord Tiberius Grismath!"

Semievil: "Sorry, I haden't heard."

*This floors Grismath. His face darkens.*

Grismath: "You haven't heard the name of...Lord Tiberius Grismath?"

Guzzard: "Maybe he just forgot, my lord."

Semievil: "I don't think I could forget something I never knew in the first place -"

Guzzard: (hissing) "You shut your lousy face!"

Ammobelt: "Yes sir, it seems clear that he's just forgotten."

*Ammobelt throws another elbow at Sem.*

Guzzard: "Quite clear."

Semievil: "Uh, okay...I guess maybe I forgot."

*Guzzard glares at Sem.*

Guzzard: "Forgot that..."

Semievil: "...Forgot that your name was Lord Grismath."

*Grismath beams.*

Grismath: "Lord Tiberius Grismath."

Semievil: "Yeah. That thing you just said."

Grismath: "Good, good. Now then. We have an issue to discuss. Follow me; agents, you're dismissed."

*Grismath's office is inlaid with wood paneling. Behind a solid hardwood desk and comfortable leather chair is a large portrait of the Queen Elizabeth II. A Canadian flag sits in each corner of the room. Grismath offers Sem a seat, then begins.*

Grismath: "Do you know where you are?"

Semievil: "Hell."

Grismath: "Yes, if by 'Hell' you mean 'Canada.'"

Semievil: "I think the terms are mostly interchangable."

Grismath: "Be that as it may, I am a Canadian Bureaucrat with a very special mandate. You see, I have been appointed by the Governor General representing Her Majesty to be Canada's chief spy."

Semievil: "Who do you spy on?"

*Grismath gives a good chuckle.*

Grismath: "I don't do the field work myself. I run the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, dispatch agents - such as Ammobelt and Guzzard - and analyze the data they collect."

*Sem glances at one of the Canadian flags.*

Semievil: "But those guys just shot up a bunch of your cops."

Grismath: "Ah, the Mounties. Well Mr. Semievil, I believe I owe you an explaination - you see, your seeming chance encounter out there was a carefully orchestrated operation designed to reel you in, to bring you to us -"

Semievil: "Oh, I have a cell phone for that."

*Sem reaches into his pocket and whips out his hip new cell. Grismath frowns and then makes to repeat his epic sentence.*

Grismath: "Your seeming chance encounter -"

Semievil: "Yeah, you can call me. Or you could send me a text message."

Grismath: "Your chance encounter -"

Semievil: "I forget which one it is."

*Sem fiddles with his cellular phone in an effort to demonstrate its text messaging functionality.*

Grismath: "- a carefully orchestrated -"

Semievil: "Maybe this one. No, that's ringtones."

*The phone starts beeping out 'happy birthday'.*

Grismath: "- an orchestrated -"

Semievil: "Hang on, I'll figure this out in a minute."

Grismath: "Your chance encounter -"

*'Happy birthday' increases in volume.*

Grismath: "Could you put that away? This is very important."

Semievil: "Uh, sorry. I just upgraded to the new model. It has some extra buttons."

'Happy Birthday' shows no sign of letting up.*

Grismath: "Well, maybe you could just take out the battery."

*Sem tries to pry the battery from the phone.*

Semievil: "It's not coming."

Grismath: "Let me try."

Semievil: "Wait, now its caught on my shirt."

Grismath: "Look, just give it to me."

*Grismath reaches over the desk. Sem recoils. The cell phone provides musical accompaniment.*

Semievil: "No! If you don't do it right it voids the warranty!"

*A short but intense struggle follows. The two participants remain mostly seated, grappling above the desk to the low-tech strains of 'happy birthday'. Grismath quickly gains the upper hand, wrenching the telephone away from Sem and tearing off part of his shirt in the process.*

Semievil: "Aah!"

*Grismath slams the phone down upon his heavy oak desk several times. The screen goes dark and the music stops - it is broken. Both men are stunned and slightly embarrassed by the sudden violent outburst.*

Grismath: "There, I suppose I, uh..."

*Grismath pulls out a handkerchief and mops his forehead.*

Semievil: "Right, I uh, I guess that's how you can do it."

Grismath: "Yes, right -"

Semievil: "No, it's good."

Grismath: "Sorry, I'm sorry about that -"

Semievil: "No, it's fine."

*They both stare at the crumpled cell phone sitting on the desk.*

Semievil: "Well I'll just, uh, I'll just take that. Put it away."

Grismath: "Right. For later."

Semievil: "Yes. I might be making some calls...some important calls later."

Grismath: "Yes, of course."

*Sem pockets the phone and the tattered piece of cloth hanging from it.*

Semievil: "It also has games, and I might want to play those later."

Grismath: "Sure, sure..."

Semievil: "It's got Tetris on it."

Grismath: "Oh yeah."

Semievil: "...I...I might want to play Tetris later."

*The action continues in the office of Lord Tiberius Grismath...*

Grismath: "What I meant to tell you, Semievil, is that those weren't real Mounted Policemen. They were highly advanced life-like robots made to mimic the actions and appearance of real Mounties."

Semievil: "Wow, Canada has life-like robots?"

Grismath: "Yes. In fact, many Canadians are robots."

Semievil: "No kidding."

Grismath: "Oh yes. But the purpose of these particular robots was to mislead any interested parties who happened to be on the lookout. If anyone was watching, they will believe that you have been abducted by criminals - more importantly, they will not think that you are in contect with the Canadian government."

Semievil: "And just why have I been contacted?"

Grismath rises from his seat and walks over his filing cabnet. From it he extracts a plain manila folder which he deftly tosses on the desk.*

Grismath: "Take a look."

*Semievil opens the folder. Inside are several surveillance-style pictures of Gebohq and The Last True Evil and a detailed rundown of their recent activities.*

Grismath: "This agency has been keeping tabs on these two men - with whom I believe you have had some association with in the past - for some time, and although they have been markedly difficult to follow..."

*Sem raises an eyebrow.*

Grismath: "...we have been able to ascertain some facts."

Semievil: "And you think I might be interested in said facts."

Grismath: "Please don't interrupt."

Semievil: "Oh, sorry -"

*Grismath jerks foreward in his chair and waves a finger.*

Grismath: "No."

*Sem mimes zipping his lips shut then nods and gives a thumbs-up signal.*

Grismath: "Thank you. Now as I was saying, we have been able to ascertain some facts. For some time now Canadian spy sattelites have been recording Mr. Ohq and the former Soviet spy known only by the codename 'The Last True Evil' wherever possible."

*Sem is fascinated that like androids, Canada apparently has spy satellites, but bottles his excitement.*

Grismath: "Two hours ago, we received a priority dispatch informing us that the situation had changed: both Gebohq and The Last True Evil, and an unknown number of their compatriots, have recently arrived in Canada via some unknown conveyance. An internation vigilante and an ex-KGB agent; this alone would be intolerable."

*Finding all this talk intensely exciting, Semievil - who automatically equates any sort of spy scheme with James Bond style adventures - silently urges Grismath on.*

Grismath: "What is of the utmost concern to us, however, is that this group appears to be covertly searching for something. What and why we don't know. And we need to find out."

*Sem is unable to contain himself any longer. This is so cool.*

Semievil: "So you need a deputy to infiltrate their group and be on the scene when whatever's going down goes down!"

Grismath: "Yes, although deputies don't interrupt when being spoken to."

*Sem pipes down.*

Grismath: "You will rejoin you old friends under the pretext of aiding in whatever purpose they have undertaken and secretly report back to me. Agent Ammobelt will be you field contact."

*This sounds pretty sweet to Semievil, but he decides to play it cool.*

Semievil: "And if I refuse this generous offer?"

*Sem smirks to show that just like superspy James Bond is always in control of any given situation.*

Grismath: "Then you can spend five years in jail..."

*Grismath slaps his briefcase on the desk and snaps it open. It is filled with Canadian money, but the bills have all been subjected to some form of petty vandalism. Moustaches are scribbled on the Queen's face, Wilfred Laurier sports devil horns and a speech bubble filled with vulgarities sprouts from William Lyon Mackenzie King's face.*

Grismath: "...for defacing Canadian currency."

Semievil: "I'll take the one with the job."

Grismath: "I thought you might. Go see Agent Ammobelt in the armoury - he'll get you outfitted."

Semievil: "Right!"

*Sem leaps out of his chair and hurries to the armoury. Despite the blackmail (which Sem isn't even sure was real blackmail) he is excited and eager for his chance to join the ranks of James Bond and Jack Bauer. Watching him go, Grismath sinks back into his thick chair and ponders his next move.*

*Meanwhile Sarn, TLTE and Sok Munkey stroll through a major Canadian city, ostensibly searching for the enterance to NeShattered.*

Sarn: "So, does anybody see the entrance to NeShattered?"

Sok Munkey: "No."

Sarn: "Okay then."

*Meanwhile, in the top-secret Canadian spy base of Lord Grismath...*

Semievil: "So now that I'm an agent what cool spy gear can you give me?"

*Ammobelt leads Sem over to a workbench strewn with all sorts of high tech gadgets and tools.*

Ammobelt: "Well, given your level of training and the nature of your mission..."

*Sem waits eagerly.*

Ammobelt: "...I'm going to issue you this digital watch."

Semievil: "Does it shoot lasers?"

Ammobelt: "I think you'll find that it has several far more useful functions: Indiglo for telling the time in dark areas, twent-four hour or standard display and a snooze-capable alarm."

*Sem puts on his new watch.*

Ammobelt: "Now here's another important piece of spy gear: A transit pass."

Semievil: "Can I use it to call in an airstrike on enemy units?"

Ammobelt: "No, but you could use it to ride the bus or subway for free from the hours of five am to one am."

*Sem takes the transit pass.*

Ammobelt: "It's good for a whole month."

Semievil: "Okay, whatever. Just give me my tuxedo."

Ammobelt: "Why would I give you that?"

Semievil: "Obviously because the country club has a dress code."

Ammobelt: "What country club?"

Semievil: "The one where I go to seduce some chick and play blackjack against my evil-mastermind of an arch-nemesis."

Ammobelt: "Were you even listening when Lord Grismath briefed you?"

Semievil: "...Though I don't see how I'm supposed to win at cards without x-ray glasses, but I guess you ran out early this month or something..."

*Ammobelt pauses to collect his thoughts.*

Ammobelt: "Semievil, being a spy isn't about shooting it up and getting the girl, it's about careful, meticulous information gathering - that's what Lord Grismath wants. Information. Not some half-baked playboy running around destroying things."

Semievil: "Is there some other government division where I could sign up for the playboy one?"

Ammobelt: "Yes. But it's too late; you already agreed to this."

Semievil: "Alright. I'll do it your way."

*Sem makes for the exit.*

Ammobelt: "Wait, I forgot something!"

*Sem turns to see Ammobelt holding a red and white jacket with a large maple leaf on the back.*

Ammobelt: "Look! An official Team Canada sports jacket!"

Semievil: "Can't you just give me the keys to some kind of talking car that shoots missiles?"

Ammobelt: "You might appreciate this jacket on a windy day."

Semievil: "I might appreciate my rocket car on a day with people who need to blow up."

*Ammobelt frowns.*

Ammobelt: "Just take it and get out."

*Sem takes the jacket and moments later leaves the secret base, embarking upon his new mission.*

*Meanwhile, Sarn & co. are back in action, their search for the entrance to NeShattered momentarily suspended as the heroic trio stops to purchase hot dogs from a street vendor.*

TLTE: "I want to thank you two for siding with me. Arkng Thand must have been pretty convincing back there..."

Sarn: "He was."

Sok Munkey: "Yeah. Hard to know what to believe with a guy like that making the calls."

TLTE: "What do you mean?"

*Sarn pays the hot dog lady and the three start walking down the busy street.*

Sarn: "We're just looking out is all. Looking out for everybody's interests."

TLTE: "So you're watching me. Waiting for me to stab my comrades - my closest friends - in the back."

Sarn: "It's not like that. Thand said that some of the events leading up to whatever catastrophe is waiting to happen had already taken place. But he also named you as the main villain."

Sok Munkey: "So we're just standing by in case anything happens. Maybe something you do or don't do is what Thand was talking about."

Sarn: "And maybe if we're there when it happens we can stop it."

*They stop walking. Sarn throws out his hot dog wrapper and Sok Munkey sits down on a public bench. TLTE looks up at the skyscrapers, thinking. And then he gets it - not the big picture, but just enough to get started.*

Sarn: "But don't let that stop you."

Sok Munkey: "Yeah, 'cause there's a mission and everything. And we sort of need your help."

Sarn: "Because you're good at shooting and killing and things."

Sok Munkey: "And there'll probably be some of that where we're going."

Sarn: (nodding) "Probably be a lot of that."

*Sok Munkey gives a half-hearted pump of his fist.*

Sok Munkey: "So keep on with all that usual TLTE stuff you're always doing."

*TLTE keeps looking skyward as he responds.*

TLTE: "Very well. I don't know you'd call it my 'usual', but I just figured out how to get into NeShattered."

It had been three days since i'd left that tavern. Wasted heroes, drinking away thier last bits of decency and forgetting thier dreams. It was too much for me to bear.

I had come at last to the Haunted House of Heroes, now defunct, as it no longer housed Heroes, nor was it haunted, except by my "great-great grandfather", also a misnomer. But i'm getting ahead of myself.

As I arrived, I watched the last true heroes leaving in thier big jet. Even though i knew they were doing exactly what Antestarr had disbanded the heroes for, at least they were doing something.

I entered the halls of the HHH, and reminisced of the brief time thier halls had been walked by the noble heroes of the NeS. Laughter, tears of pain and joy, all sounded in my mind of a better time.

I made my way to the dormitories, there to change my appearance. For what i was doing, being recognised as Ford the Hero would be of no use to me. when i came to my room i dug around in the closet, searching for my rucksack.

[to be expanded...i'm a bit distracted at the moment.]

And now we present "Where Did the Post Go?" as told by emoticons.

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And now, back to your regularly scheduled program.

Soon after his revelatory statement, TLTE, Sok and Sarn find themselves on top of one of the many incredible and demonic Canadian skyscrapers. The wind makes an ominous whistling noise, and the air is noticeably thinner. TLTE smiles smugly, the first smile he has worn for what seems like several pages.

TLTE: People change, circumstances grow more dire every day, life barrels towards utter chaos...but the NeS, reassuringly, is predictable in its insanity.

Sarn: What now?

TLTE: Gentlemen, we are guaranteed a passage into NeShattered. We merely need to throw ourselves off this skyscraper.

Predictably, no one moves. A long silence passes. Sarn coughs, perhaps just to break the silence, but more likely due to a continuing bronchial condition.

Sok: Uh...

TLTE holds up one hand in an 'answer forthcoming' gesture, whilst rifling through his voluminous overcoat with the other.

TLTE: It's like this: NeShattered was created by a cliffhanger. The largest cliffhanger ending that we ever experienced, actually: the supposed death of nearly every NeSHero and the ultimate desecration of the free democratic world. The end of the NeS itself. Therefore, following the extremely thin logic that this story operates on, if we create another massive cliffhanger, we should be transported to NeShattered once more.

Sok: You mean, we throw ourselves off this building, and will appear in NeShattered.

TLTE: Correct.

Sok: Undamaged, and intact.

TLTE: Correct.

Sarn: But wouldn't that mean every time a bad guy pointed a gun at us, we'd explode in a puff of smoke and end up in NeShattered?

TLTE: No.

Sarn: What's the bloody difference?!

TLTE: Because we didn't need to go to NeShattered before.

He says this with the air of a patient teacher lecturing a mildly damaged child.

Sarn: ...oh, OK then.

TLTE: Look, it's perfectly simple. We'll jump off the edge, careening towards a certain, painful death, reducing our bodies to unrecognisable blobs of flesh and bloody sinew: the narrator will kick in, doing that smarmy voice-over -

-he adds, not really convincing anyone -

TLTE: -And then, as you adequately put it: poof. We're in NeShattered.

Presently, TLTE withdraws a cool-looking flaregun. He fires it into the overcast sky, creating a brilliant explosion that fades to a massive text message that Sok reads...

Sok: "Do something drastic?"

TLTE: They'll figure it out. Prosit!

Then, without further warning, he grabs Sarn and Sok and pulls them over the building's edge with him.

OH NO! Has TLTE gone utterly mad? Will his perilous gambit pay off?! You'll only be able to find out in a SPECIAL CROSSOVER EDITION in NeShattered!!!

...

Oh, well, I guess he was right then.

"Ah, here we are," i said removing my weathered bag from the repository. I rummaged trough it pulling out in succession, a 9 volt battery, an electric pencil sharpener, a 10-foot pole, the kitchen sink, and finally what i was looking for: my Other Pants.

Other Pants are a curious phenomenon. It always seems you leave something there; wallets, pens, the $30 you made at your last garage sale, anything that seems to mysteriously disappear (with the exception of left socks. those are eaten by the Dryer Monster.) You could have been wearing the same pants you did yesterday, but somehow whatever it is youre looking for ends up in your Other Pants.

What i needed in my Other Pants was a small box, the size of a half dollar, containing a lock of my mothers hair. It is precedent that the love of a mother, given unconditionally holds great magical power (see: Harry Potter Archives.), and can give to the child in question certain abilities.

[edit- stupid distractions....]

The camera pans around a light trailer truck speeding across the tundra towards a compound surrounded by a tall fence with barbed wire. The truck stops briefly at the gate to display credentials and then continues on into a hangar where some men start to unload it. But not all is as it seems. You can tell this because the camera is stuck on one box in particular. They always do that to set up the big reveal. One of the men unloading boxes picks up a utility knife and opens the box in the truck. Probably because he saw the camera focusing on it. Stupid camera.

Box guy 1: "Awesome! They got us team Canada jackets! Team Canada jackets!" *Takes the one off the top* "Wait a minute..."

Sem crouches motionless, but clearly revealed inside the box. The bottom seems to have been cut out so he can shuffle along while inside.

Box guy 2: "Who are you?"

Sem: "I'm a super spy, here to put a stop to your nefarious plot!"

BG2: "But... I just work here at the airport..."

Sem: "Hah! A likely story that. Then explain what you're doing in this top-secret guarded compound!"

BG1: "This is the airport. There's a fence so nobody steals the planes."

Sem "And the secret deliveries?"

BG1: "This is our weekly supply shipment."

Sem: "Oh. Well... this is kind of embarassing..."

BG2: "Wait... you thought you were sneaking into a top-secret compound with a box and a jacket?"

Sem: "It's all they gave me in the way of disguises."

BG2: "A box and a jacket is the best our intelligence department has to offer?"

Sem: "... I actually had to get my own box."

BG2: "Not even like... a cammo jacket?"

Sem: "They gave me a watch... it had indiglo... but it doesn't work." *he holds up a watch that has clearly only been painted over on the face, but is in fact not working, to justify his statement."

BG1: "Now this is embarassing."

Sem: *laying it on thick*"I could have fixed it if I had a toothpick... but I didn't."

Sem: "I don't suppose you guys could lend me a plane with a radio? I have some places I need to go. They gave me a transit pass, but I don't think the busses come out here."

BG2: "The government didn't give you a car that shoots rockets or anything?"

Sem: "Nope... They seemed really low on super-spy technology."

BG1: "Take whatever you want... you obviously need it."

Sem: "Thanks"

As Sem walks toward the planes, the driver gets out and gets a paper bag out of the back of the truck. Examining it he finds it is empty.

Driver: "Hey! Who ate my lunch?!?"

Sem: *still walking away* "Her majesty thanks you for your contribution!"

Driver: "Her majesty? This is Canada, we don't have a queen!"

BG2: *choking back tears* "Oh don't rub it in! There's enough we don't have already!"

Driver: "But... we have healthcare!"

But the Driver's efforts are in vain- the box guys are in the inconsolable depths of patriotic super-spy envy, and Sem takes off in a small prop plane unhindered, disappearing into the horizon to scour the tundra for his prey by air.

*Off in the distance, over a nearby city, Semievil spots TLTE's flare-message as it begins to dissipate into the air. Curious, he banks his aircraft towards the city. Meanwhile, in one of the city's parks Cool Matty and Subaru attempt to coax Gebohq along.*

Cool Matty: "Come on, Geb. We've got a job to do."

Gebohq: "So?"

Cool Matty: "There's an evil wedding going down! We have to put a stop to it."

Gebohq: "Why should we destroy someone else's happiness?"

Cool Matty: "Because it's evil happiness."

Gebohq: "At least someone's getting married. I never will. Nobody loves me."

Subaru: "Aw, Geb, don't get so down on yourself. You'll find that special someone, settle down and raise a family."

Gebohq: "Most marriages end in divorce. There's no point."

Cool Matty: "But this marriage is evil. Evil! Don't you want to fight Evil Geb and stop him from marrying Young?"

Gebohq: "Maybe if we do nothing they'll get divorced after a few years."

*Geb stares at his untied sneakers.*

Subaru: "You can't give up, Geb. I bet you'd feel pretty good if you went out on a mission."

Cool Matty: "I can understand that you might be sort of upset -"

Gebohq: "You can't possibly understand the depths of my sorrow."

*Geb stares off into space.*

Gebohq: "Noone can understand the rock bottom my feelings have hit."

Cool Matty: "If that's the case, they have these special pills. You just take one in the morning -"

*Cool Matty stops talking and cocks his head at a faint buzzing sound.*

Cool Matty: "Do either of you guys hear a noise?"

Gebohq: "Nothing that I hear has any meaning."

Subaru: "Yeah. And it's getting closer!"

*On the horizon, an approaching speck resolves into an airplane. Several good citizens of Canada notice and point.*

Citizen #1: "It's a bird!"

Citizen #2: "It's a plane!"

Cool Matty: "Yep, it's definately a plane."

*The aircraft's trajectory makes it's destination clear: The park in which CM and the others are walking. This gradually

dawns on the citizens, who run screaming.*

Subaru: "I think he's trying to put it down right in front of us."

Cool Matty: "My God! What pilot would be crazy enough to attempt that?"

Semievil: (in the airplane) "I'm Air Canada, fools!"

*The aircraft comes in low over the power lines and streetlights, lining up it's landing approach.*

Citizen #3: "Go left!"

Citizen #4: "Go Right!"

COol Matty: "Pull up!"

*In the cockpit, Sem carefully examines the array of controls.*

Semievil: "Which of these buttons is the landing button?"

*Landing button or not, Sem's airplane drops the final few feet to the park grass below. After several bounces back in the

air and a close call with a swing set it rolls to a stop. Sem throws opent the door and leaps to the ground.*

Cool Matty: "Semievil?!"

Semievil: "That's right! But don't go shouting my name - I'm on undercover assignment. Codenames only."

Subaru: "What's your codename?"

Semievil: "Uh...it's...um..."

Cool Matty: "Whatever. He hasn't got one."

Semievil: "No, I do. It's...Agent..."

*Sem spots Geb sitting on a swing, his face empty.*

Semievil: "...Geb...ford."

Cool Matty: "'Gebford'? Your special secret name is 'Gebford'?

*Semievil jams his hands in his jacket pockets.*

Semievil: "Agent Gebford von Pocket!"

Cool Matty: "That's very stupid."

Semievil: "You only think that because you're not in the intelligence business. All my spy friends like it."

Cool Matty: "What spy friends?"

Semievil: "I can't say. Their identities are a closely guarded secret. But never mind that, we have more important things to

discuss."

Subaru: "Like what?"

Semievil: "Like the recent NeS Heroes skymessage."

Just because no one sees it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. A tuft of tumbleweed pokes out of the pilot's hatch Semievil just recently exited, armed with a grease pencil and a legal pad. It scribbles down a note and ducks back into the darkness.

A faint fuzz of stars whirls imperceptibly in the inky velvet void above Hawthorne and Thatchett. Tendrils of a swift cloud eat into the stars. A splattering creeps up as a gentle shower passes over Hawthorne and Thatchett. Hawthorne closes his eyes, his face raised to the sky. The clouds move on. He breathes deep of the cooling air fresh with the smell of rain, but stops suddenly when Thatchett speaks.

Thatchett: Boss? You smell something?
Hawthorne: Warm dry earth, wet asphalt, smoke and alcohol, burning meat, moist desert flowers reaching for the rain...
Thatchett: Not romantically speaking?
Hawthorne: No. No, not really.
Thatchett: Funny, I smell something.
Hawthorne: Oh?
Thatchett: Yeah. How long's it been?
Hawthorne: What?
Thatchett: You need a shower. I hate to say it, I need a shower. You think maybe we should...?
Hawthorne: Huh? Oh, a shower... no, we need to keep going. I can't stop, not now.

Thatchett opens his mouth to say something, but hesitates.

He didn't say "we."

Thatchett stares off into space for a moment and then realizes Hawthorne has risen, walking toward the Astrovan. His stride is vacant, as though life has faded from him. From the door, he looks back at Thatchett.

Hawthorne: You coming?

Thatchett glances at the southeast horizon, slightly hazy with the yellow-orange light of Knowhere Valley. The nearby land is speckled with lights in yellow and blue. On the other side of the cowboy bar, an engine starts with a freshening sound, biting into Thatchett's exhausted brain. Nearby on the highway, a car whistles past. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath of the bewitching air, drawing volumes more from the scents than Hawthorne ever could. He can't smell what is about to happen, but he can smell something very wrong just over that horizon, away from the world knows. Briefly, he considers the car they had almost hit a few hours before.

They must be almost two hundred miles away by now. We've lost too much time. I wish we could stay a little longer. No... it's time to go.

Thatchett: Right, coming. It is time for us to go, isn't it.
Hawthorne: Yeah. Time for us to go.

The Astrovan pulls onto the highway silently. Hawthorne stares at the road ahead, numb and silent. For a while Thatchett watches the fading light on the horizon behind them, feeling an empty grief gnawing at his heart. After a while he closes his eyes, breathing in time to the gentle swaying of the van. As he slips into the space between waking and dreaming, he thinks of Sasha's black car, seeming to drive away from him no matter how much he tries to turn. He feels a single moist drop fade into the fur next to his eye as he falls into sleep's warm embrace. Hawthorne pushes the gas petal to the floor. The Astrovan drives toward the dark horizon.

. . .

Time goes on. The world turns, the stars wheel overhead, tears are shed, words are written, and, like all other things, the story moves on. But somewhere out there in the night a dark entity sits coiled up like a great serpent, ready to strike. For now it rests, content to wait until its moment.

. . .

Majiir the writer looks up from scrubbing his floor. The figure of Gebohq stands silhouetted in his porch door. In the shadow of harsh compressed sodium backlight his mouth barely seems to move as he speaks.

Gebohq the Writer: The whole Hawthorne/Thachett stuff was left unresolved, and I was hoping to have it at least tied up. Unfortunatley, I must admit I wasn't really able to follow on what was going on, so I couldn't do it myself, and Voodoo's character's been sort of stuck as well, so... yeah. Whatever help you can give on that matter would be much appreciated.

Majiir the writer looks around thoughtfully.

Majiir the Writer: Yes, I suppose that has been left rather hanging. I should be able to do something.

Gebohq the writer seems to smile and, without warning, suddenly vanishes. Majiir the writer carefully returns the mop to the closet and sits down with his laptop and begins to hum...

...It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by
Oh yes, the world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by...

A deep sensual female voice breaks into the deep silence after the song like a pebble smacking the surface of a reflecting pool.


DJ: There was an old classic to wake up to, a little different from our regular programming, but this early in the morning I usually get away with it. The time is now 6:32 A.M., and a very good morning to all you lovers out there and any of you who have been up driving all night long. You're listening to...

Voodoo Snowflake tunes out the DJ as she drones on with whatever it is morning DJs talk about. She blinks for several moments, searching for a reprieve from the boredom and exhaustion, but it doesn't come. She looks over at the Detective hunched over the steering wheel, his bloodshot eyes trained straight ahead as if they were magnetized to the road, while a soggy cigarette hangs on to his lower lip by the barest thread of friction. Voodoo decides to make another play for the truth.

Voodoo: Why did you pull me out of there?

The Detective starts when he hears her voice and looks around for a moment as though dazed. When he does speak, his voice is gruff with lack of use.

Detective: Protection.
Voodoo: But protection from what?

The Detective shakes his head and continues driving. A night of insomnia in a soggy bath robe next to a nicotine-and-who-knows-what-else-stained man cuts her last shred of self control. She feels her sanity flapping around like a flag in a hurricane and finally snaps. She grabs the car's handbrake and puts her face right next to the Detective's ear.

Voodoo: You will give me more than that line of crap or I will pull this thing and damn the consequences. Do we have an understanding?

The Detective sighs with a hint of exasperation.

Detective: Fine, fine. You know something about the nature of the world, right?
Voodoo: It's hard to be in my position and not know a bit about it. These days it seems like it's been pretty well publicized anyway.
Detective: Then just know this: everything you "know" is just the beginning. You can know about something and not know how to do something with it. You any good at math?
Voodoo: Well I-- what are you implying, that wom--
Detective: What I'm saying is that you can know how things work but not be able to make them work for you. What I'm saying is that it takes a special kind of genius to make things sit down and do as they're told. What I'm saying is that when you start being able to make reality to do that you become a dangerous person, someone to be protected from.
Voodoo: And you're saying...?
Detective: I'm saying that there are people like that you needed protecting from.
Voodoo: Honestly, this is all a bit weird...
Detective: Where do you work again?
Voodoo: Fine, fine, but why me?
Detective: I...
Voodoo: Yes?
Detective: There was a case I was working on years ago. People were disappearing. I met this kid, this officer in the military. He...

Thatchett: ...just wanted to stay there with her. Why couldn't we?

Hawthorne remains silent, his gaze fixed ahead.

Thatchett: I'm just saying--

Suddenly Hawthorne turns and looks at Thatchett with fire in his eyes.

Hawthorne: You want to go back, is that what you're saying? Then fine, go back. I didn't make you come along. You made the decision back there. You've always made the decision. You want to come, come. You want to stay, stay, but make up your damn mind which one you want.
Thatchett: It's just that--
Hawthorne: You think I wanted to leave? You think I want to do this? You think I want to drive down this stupid road in the middle of nowhere? Do you even have any idea how much of nowhere we're in right now? Do you think I want to keep going? Do you think I want anything more than to just stop? Do you think I've sat on convenience store floors and eaten breakfast burritos for my entire life? This is all I've got, and it's too much. I've got to keep this up and see it through. You don't know how long it's been since this started. I thought I could run from it, but now it's caught up with me. I don't know where I'm going, but I know what I'm chasing, and I'll know it when I see it. I can't tell you everything right now, maybe I'll never be able to. You don't have to be here. You never had to be here. You want to leave, say the word, but say the word right now.
Thatchett: I'm here, I just... is it really that bad?

Hawthorne turns his attention fully back to the road and whispers only one word.

Hawthorne: Worse.

Voodoo: How could it be worse?
Detective: Back then we didn't have these hero types running around. The stakes are higher and they change the game too fast to learn the rules. Take your boyfriend for instance-
Voodoo: Now don't-
Detective: Whatever he is, consider how much chaos follows him around. That can be a very good thing in the right situation, but put him in the wrong place and it turns into a disaster. Back then it was just the few of us who ended up in that place and when it all hit the fan it was complete chaos. I'd hate to see what it'll be like now.
Voodoo: But you really think that would happen to me like those... those people?
Detective: I couldn't take that risk. If nothing else, you seem to neutralize these hero types. That's all I can say.

Voodoo sits back and looks out the window quietly and tries to digest what she's just heard.

Why me?

*Meanwhile at the park in the unnamed major Canadian city Sem continues his long-winded explanation of recent events.*

Sem: "Didn't you see? It was written in big big letters."

Subaru: "We were too busy trying to cheer Geb up."

Cool Matty: "Yeah. He really hasn't been pulling his weight lately."

*The camera pans over to Gebohq, who sits on the swingset that Semievil's daredevil landing nearly destroyed. However, instead of wearing an expression of glee and delight like most people who play on swings, his face is a blank mask. And instead of riding the swing, he just sits on the seat and grips the chains.*

Gebohq: "If you really wanted to cheer me up you'd give me a push."

Cool Matty: "There's no time for fun and games! We have a mission!"

Gebohq: "There. It's obvious you aren't interested in my feelings."

Cool Matty: "See?"

Semievil: "Yikes. Well, anyways, I was flying around in my new airplane - "

Cool Matty: "Where did you get that? Is it part of your spy gear?"

Semievil: "No, I just borrowed it from the airport."

Cool Matty: "Borrowed with permission, right?"

Semievil: "Not explicitly. But I'm a secret agent, so I'm allowed to requisition things like airplanes and bagged lunches and such."

Subaru: "I get it. You just flash your special agent ID card and that automatically gives you all kinds of top clearances."

Semievil: "Well, no. I don't actually have any secret agent ID."

Cool Matty: "What were you going to do if the guy who owned the plane called the cops?"

Semievil: "I don't know...maybe tell them to call Lord Tiberius Grismath or something."

*Cool Matty shakes his head in disbelief.*

Semievil: "But the important thing is the message: it read 'do something drastic' - it's unexpected appearance and unorthodox delivery suggests to me that it was from one of our fellow heroes."

*CM and Subaru are unimpressed with this line of reasoning.*

Semievil: "No, really - I'm a spy. I know these things."

Cool Matty: "I think we've proven pretty conclusively that you're not actually a spy."

Semievil: "Well, regardless, the message was to do something drastic, and something drastic is exactly what I intend. Er, to do."

Cool Matty: "Okay, what's your big, drastic plan?"

Semievil: "There's a time bomb in my airplane."

Cool Matty: "WHAT?"

Semievil: "Don't worry, I set it for three o'clock."

*Sem checks his watch.*

Semievil: "That's still hours away."

Cool Matty: "Hey wait, that watch is just painted on -"

*2:59 rolls over to 3:00 and the bomb explodes, vaporising the park but teleporting Geb, Subaru, CM, Sem, Geb's swingset and the airplane - with Agent Tumbleweed stowed away - to NeShattered.*

The explosion rips through the Canadian park, sending shattered remains of childhood dreams flying through the air as so many twisted nightmares. All around the quiet Canadians stopped their daily routines and turned their head’s towards the carnage. Their mind’s eye’s were already picturing tomorrow’s newsprints. Stories of terrorism lost loved ones, and epic tales of survival. But two pair’s of eyes had already been staring, watching the site of the explosion long before the bomb went off, even before the un-chartered “Air Canada” flight made it’s unexpected landing. On a rooftop three blocks away, Bhac and Lt. Col. Romanov stood silently. The former seemed unaffected by the sudden blast, while the latter nearly dropped his half-eaten snowcone.

Romanov: Was that what you were waiting for?

Bhac: You could say so. I was expecting a far less dramatic exit, something far simpler would have been just as functional. But I am never one to question acts of wanton carnage.

Lt. Col. Romanov continues eating his snowcone. After so many years in the Soviet military, one came to expect more than the average amount of deviation out of everyone.

Romanov: Thank’s for the snowcone by the way, what flavor is it? It’s really good.

Bhac replies without looking back.

Bhac: Blood.

Romanov’s spoon stops halfway to his lips, leaving him to examine the slowly melting frozen treat.

Romanov: Really? I would think this is a bit too sweet for blood.

Bhac: *chuckles* Your right, it’s just cherry, with a bit of extra syrup. You will forgive me for a bit of unwarranted humor this day, but the story has unwoven far better than expected. There are times when even the hand’s of NeS can be impressed with how the story unfolds.

Romanov considers an appropriate reply to this statement, but eventually thinks better of it and returns to his blood/cherry flavored snowcone.

Bhac: On the topic of blood however… Tell me Mr. Romanov. How did your cloning attempts of the captive Young turn out?

Romanov: That’s Lt. Col. by the way. And the cloning attempts… How do you know about the cloning attempts?

Bhac: That is what you and Gebiyl were attempting to do. I already know this, and the answer to my next several questions. I am just attempting to… Make sure we are up to speed. I find that a simple interrogation can do wonders in helping people prepare for what I will inevitably ask them.

Romanov: *finishing off his snowcone and discarding the paper cup on the roof* Then why don’t you just cut the interrogation and ask the inevitable…

Bhac: Very well. Give me one of your sample’s of Young’s blood.

A small smile creeps across Romanov’s face and he hears this question.

Romanov: First of all, I would like to point out that any blood samples I might have taken would be in the secret lab back in mother Russia, half way around the globe judging by the maple-leaf flags I see adorning the local’s and their simple city.

Bhac: That can be very easily corrected.

Romanov: No doubt. Secondly, even if I did collect and blood samples from Young. Which mind you I am not saying that I did. But IF I did. I am sure that by some mysterious dilemma unexplainable by the normal law’s of biology, her blood would be virtually un-cloneable despite, if I may say so myself, brilliant attempts on behalf of mother Russia’s best scientific minds.

Bhac: And now that you have said your peace Mr. Romanov, Please hand me the Sample of Young’s blood.

Romanov: It’s Lt. Col…

Romanov is interrupted by a sudden flash of light, leaving him and his host/captor Bhac standing in front of Cryogenic Freezer number 3 on sublevel 47b of Siberian Bunker.

Romanov: I…umm…Very well then.

Romanov open’s the door to the freezer and reaches in, removing a vial labeled in Russian. To those able to understand the typewritten label, it simply stated “Priority Sample”. Romanov hands the vial of blood to Bhac, who reaches into his tattered trench-coat and removes a piece of paper which he gently wraps around the vial. Then, as if mimicking a prestidigitator’s grandest act, he waves one hand in front of the other and the Vial of blood disappears.

* * * * *

The sun was just reaching mid-day as the Detective and Voodoo Snowflakes pulled up to a group of squat and abandoned looking buildings. The guard post and fence that had been surrounding the compound declared it to be “Red Canyon Depot”, but the entire facility, guard post and all, appeared to have been abandoned for some time.

Voodoo: So this is where it all happened?

The detective drives slowly around the back of one of the buildings and parks the car in a narrow alley between it and an adjacent building.

Detective: Yeah… This is where it all happened.

Voodoo: What is this place?

Detective: It’s an abandoned air force depot. Twelve year’s ago my partner and I got a tip-off that the depot was still being used, and was somehow connected to the disappearances we had been investigating. We arranged to meet our contacts here…

With that the detective exited the car, made his way up a metal staircase, and entered the second story of the building they had just parked behind, leaving Voodoo to scamper behind him in here terry-cloth robe and slippers.

Inside the building turned out to be a large warehouse or low ceiling hanger. It was empty now, and light streamed in through a series of opaque skylights. On the far side of the building was a pair of large sliding doors, yet all along the other walls there were second story entrances, each opening to a small catwalk landing and a stairway down to the main floor. The detective leaned against one of the catwalk railings and surveyed the empty building.

Voodoo: I know I asked you for an explanation, but I don’t think now is the time for a guided tour of your past.

Detective: No, of course not.

Voodoo: Then you mind telling me why we drove all this way just to stand in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in the middle of the desert?

<NSP>:
IM BACK! And I have more to post here, but It will have to wait till after work tomorrow (Sunday, that’s right kid’s I work Sundays). But after work I will get back here and finish up my post.</NSP>

Benevolant
Upward
Mobility
Post!

B.U.M.P.!

Dear Lord, why haven't we gotten rid of you yet? You're such a bad influence on the writers!

B.U.M.P.!:

Awww, I'm sorry. Don't be sad. Look, have a cookie, OK?

B.U.M.P.!:

Now shoo! I need to have a word with Geb the writer about his lack of posting...

suddenly, sugarless enters the scene via a plothole.

Sugarless [shaking head]: uh... where am I?

All is calm and quiet. A gentle night rain falls. It softly splatters the wet ground. Occasionally a wide rushing sound goes by as a car passes on the street. Then, without warning, the lights flickering on the puddles begin to bend and distort as though viewed through the bottom of a glass. Slowly this glass turns and the fabric of reality begins to unravel. It wobbles erratically, and then a tiny seam appears along the center of the scene. It elongates to fill an area of reality, and then suddenly stops. With a pop and a twisting sensation, reality splits in two and foreshortens down one side, as though the world itself was painted on the outside of a door. Red light spills out from the doorway as a haggard looking head emerges from it. The head reveals itself to be attached to a dirty skinny muscular man with grease on his face and stains all down his orange jumpsuit. He starts slightly when he realized he is being observed.

Maintenance Dude: Oh, 'allo. S'ry f'r th' inc'nv'nience. Just 'ere to fix th'... er... yeh. Oi, don't go sneakin' orf!

He grabs Sugarless by the scruff of the neck and marches back into the reality maintenance doorway. He sticks his head out one last time, looks around for a moment, nods, and then vanishes. Reality begins to wobble again as the door begins to close, but with a sudden creak the door stops still. A faint cursing can be heard, followed by sounds of a compressed fluid being sprayed through a small nozzle. The door twitches a bit, creaking slightly at first, and then silently after a few oscillations. A satisfied grunt emanates from the door, and then it closes with a faint pop. Reality rearranges itself for a moment as if it is adjusting its clothes, and then radiates an aura of smugness. The rain continues to fall, the lights continue to sparkle on the ground, and cars continue to splash by.