It was a starry night; the starlight glittered like starlight on the starry water, and glistened in her starlit, starry eyes. Starlight.

(Emo romance factor: 7)

Rachel April May Pi gazed back at him, confident yet curiously vulnerable as only a romantic interest for a main character can be.

Gebohq: Ms. Pi... Rachel... I've never felt this way before... like... I don't want to run away from anything, ever again...

RAM Pi: It's OK, you don't have to run from anything, now that The Otter is in rehab for his drinking problem.

Gebohq: It's true. It's nice of Granny Cal to take in that orphaned soul in his time of need. I hope with time he can make a full emotional recovery. And meanwhile TLTE has finally reconciled the U.S., Soviet Union, and The Villains and Heroes under the 42nd Treaty of the Arena things are really starting to look up.

RAM Pi: Yes, and it's all indirectly but still clearly caused by your newly developed manly sense of courage and other assorted elements of character development. Ohh Gebohq...

Gebohq: Ohh Rachel...

And that's the story of how Geb finally got laid. Since such a world is logically inconsistant, NeS ended immediately.

Though unknown to anyone, including the writers, up to this point, Sarn Cadrill is deathly afraid of mice. He shrieks like a little girl.

Sarn: Aaaayyyyiiieeeeeeeee!!!

...and begins hopping up and down, waving his arms wildy. Voodoo chuckles, and sets the cat down, who immediately pounces on the mouse.

Voodoo: Baby.

Cat: Mrrrow. (haha. Pitiful animal! Squirm all you want, you will not escape!)

Sarn: w- w- where did that.. come from?

The cat suddenly seems to have a puzzled look on his face. Unfortunately, none of our heroes are skilled in understanding feline expressions, so they fail to notice.

Cat: Meow mrrowl. (What the hell? This thing's bloody strong!)

Sarn: Oh kitty. Just eat the nasty little bugger already.

The cat is suddenly launched backwards across the room with a shriek. The mouse scampers off to the corner.

Mouse: squeak mip meep eeep. (Haha, *****es. What now?)

And then they all died, the end.


or is it?

Then there was a squeak.

And the universe exploded shortly after, and God, along with all other deities vanished as well.

There was nothing, and for eternity nothing remained.

Then there was a squeak.

And then amidst the eternal emptiness and nothingness, all squeaks there shouldn't, couldn't, but for some reason did exist, ceased to exist, along with anything else that Anovis and anyone else could ever imagine and type.

But a short time in in the life of the universe is a relatively Very VERY long time for our characters. So there is plenty of time for things to happen in NeS before the explosion of the universe. Maybe in that time our heroes will figure out a way to stop the universe from exploding.

....

Sarn covers his eyes. "Did he eat it yet?"

Cat: "Meu Preow Mrow" (Are you kidding? First I must play with my food!)

Screaming Brat Kid: "But Santa! I Want My GAME!"

Then Zloc ate the internet and swallowed NES and all it's posts, thereby disconnecting it from the internet and allowing no more posts.

lock plz

What Zloc had not counted on was the thread having attained such mass that it began pulling words from Zloc's own mouth to form new stories and continue the lives of existing plots. Despite being disconnected from the internet, the NES had managed to develop it's own consciousness, barely aware enough to continue the story with these words to allow our heroes one more chance to save the day

Zloc proceeded to eat SG-Fan and seal him in with NES, and then blocked off his throat and all other methods of reaching his abnormally large stomach.

Luckily for SG-fan, the NES already contains every word in the dictionary, plus a few extras, meaning his life will continue, albeit in a very strange land. This however, was unfortunate for Zloc as he now has the entire unending story residing in his stomach, which in itself is quite a remarkable feat. Over time, the story will continue to grow and expand Zloc's elastic waistline such that he now has 2 choices: regurgitate the NES and save himself, or keep it inside and cry as he perminately loses sight of certain body parts...

After his traumatic experience and artful escape from the cat, the mouse scurries across the floor, racing towards the desirable crumb of cheese which seems to be miles away...yet still in perfect view. With a grace unknown to man, the little guy dodges feet of the unsuspecting humans and erm...creatures?...in the room. After what seems to be a millennium, the journey has almost come to an end...just one more reach of his nimble paws and...

Ricky/Red: *STOMP* It's good to be back! *shoots Sok Munky with a shotgun*

(dun dun dunnnn...)

Suddenly, an old woman appeared! She looked terribly perturbed as she came stomping out of what we can only assume is a tear in the time-space continuum, and grabbed Ricky by the ear.

Old Woman: What's the big idea!? I needed to swallow that mouse to catch the spider I swallowed to catch the fly I swallowed! I don't know why I swallowed a fly! Now, since you screwed up the process, maybe I'll die!

Then, the old woman vanished. For no reason.

A storm of story posts rained upon the Never-ending Story thread, and a thunderstorm broke open outside Modussum Mall. Both storms threatened to ruin the day, to say the least, though some would argue otherwise...

Gebohq: I love this weather! Want to go outside, my love?

Rachel Pi: Lead the way, fearless hero!

The emo romance factor climbs to eight at the prospect of romance in the rain.

Voodoo: Where the hell did that woman come from? And why are they madly in love now?

Sarn: No good can come of any of this...

As Gebohq and Rachel frolic towards an exit, one of the one-post thread killers falls onto the Never-ending Story.

"And then they all died. The end. Or is it?"

Those fateful words trickled. It trickled with the idea that "they all died." It trickled with "the end" and "or is it?" It trickled past the premise that the cast of characters were in a mall. The words sunk into the story -- people did die, but it was not the end...

Rachel screams in horror.

In the dark and stormy night, zombies could be seen approaching. One zombie had been already at the doorway, banging on the glass. Gebohq stands uncharacteristically brave in the face of danger.

Gebohq: Stand behind me, my love. I'll protect you!

Sarn Cadrill: Don't be an idiot, Geb! You can't rap-battle zombies!

Semievil: Get your *** back here!

Before Gebohq can object, Sarn Cadrill and Semievil drag Gebohq and Rachel away from the exit out of the mall. Sok Munkey breaks the sensors for the automatic doors and blocks the doorway with a nearby bench, then proceeds to do the same to the other entrances. The annoying kid still follows Sok Munkey. Ricky cocks her shotgun. Sarn and Voodoo's new cat remains oblivious to the turn of events, searching for the mouse that was lost. The mall is conveniently much emptier than it was just five minutes ago, left only with our main cast of characters and whomever else happens to be written into the following story-arc.

A bolt of lightning strikes close from above, and the power cuts out momentarily. Random parts of the mall's power returns, other parts flicker irregularly. The rain and ruinous posts continue to pour down, drowning out most of the moaning of the undead.

Semievil: The NeS is being bombarded with bad posts, there are zombies outside, and Geb's new love interest threatens to end the NeS as we know it.

Sarn Cadrill: And there's a mouse loose in the mall!

Everyone looks at Sarn Cadrill.

Sarn Cadrill: ...what?

(NSN: Thanks for Evil_Giraffe for giving the idea for zombies out of Zloc's one-post thread killer!)

"Sarn? " Voodoo speaks in a serous tone, "Sarn, promise me if, (pause) if things get bad and I get bitten by a zombie, you will not hesitate to shoot me!"

*Sarn hefts the mortal gun.

Sarn: Wonder what this thing does against zombies...

Everyone else: No!!!!

Illuminated by the flashes of lightning are the faces of zombies pressed up against the glass doors of the mall, pushing desperately to get in and feast on hero flesh, which obviously tastes better than normal flesh, even to zombies. Luckily, to this point, the zombie have been held at bay by the simple fact that, in order to enter the mall, you must pull the doors open. Pulling is a concept that has long eluded the grasp of the zombie.

This night, however, is different, oh-so-very different, for a single industrious zombie has accidentally shambled into the "Push Here for Handicapped Access" button. With that, the doors to the mall swing open, and a seemingly endless torrent of zombies pour in.

A young man in the mall restroom finishes rinsing his hands, grabs his fancy, sword-shaped stick, and steps out into the hallway.

BokkenMonkey: ...please tell me there's an international zombie movie convention going on here today.

With a dramatic sci-fi noise of untransliteratable nature, the Mortal Gun charges and fires. A bolt shoots from the gun, hits ceiling, and a formally dressed Russian appears at the point of impact.

TLTETM: Ahhh!!! *crunch*

Sarn: What the hell!?!?

Bokken: A little help?

TLTETM: I think I broke my ankle comrades...

Voodoo: Who the hell are you?!?

Bokken: Seriously people, zombies in the mall...

Sem: He's The Last True Evil: The Mortal.

Voodoo: Huh?

Sem: He used the Mortal gun. It shot a Mortal. I noticed it wasn't working yesterday, so I fixed it. What else was it supposed to do?

Voodoo backhands Sem to the floor.

TLTETM: So why me? Of all the theoretical Mortals that could have popped out of that gun, why'd you have to break my ankle?

Sarn: Well... as a result of extensive cloning, TLTE is the most abundant life form in history. Statistically speaking if the gun shoots a random mortal every time it's fired, chances are it would shoot TLTE.

Bokken: Ahhh!!!!

Sarn hands the gun to Sem as he gets back to his feet.

Sarn: Fix it.

Sem: Working as intended.

Sarn decks Sem again.

TLTETM: I guess we should get going and take up a defensive position somewhere. Zombies and all.

Sem: Nah... we got time... zombies can't actually kill anyone while plot is developing.

TLTETM: What, you mean like a new character appearing to join the party by being rescued from almost certain doom?

Bokken: Finally! Thank God!

Sem: Yeah, that would do, but I don't see any around... I mean Geb's upcoming romantic "we'll make it" speech. This is the start of a zombie apocalypse, and they are the newest couple.

Bokken: Hate! Spite! Bastards!

Now that the obligatory injured party member has joined the others to slow them down, will they survive the zombie apocalypse? Will Sem remember how to fix the Mortal gun? Will Bokken survive long enough to join the party? Will the next post actually answer any of these questions? Find out next episode of NeS- Same Geb time, Same Geb forum!

(NSN: I'd considered editing this after noticing the simultaneous post made above, but in the spirit of the challenge to screw up the NeS, and out of laziness, I decided to leave this post as it is.)

Voodoo: I highly doubt it's a zombie movie convention, mister....?

Bokken: ZOMBIES!

Voodoo: Mr. Zombies? What is it with this story and everyone having crazy names? Not that I have much room to talk...

Bokken: No, I mean the zombies are coming!

Voodoo: Oh, right. *pause* Ensign! Stay here and die as a distraction for the Zorg Commune[/b] while the rest of us divide up into fire teams and gain the upper ground.

Bokken: What?

Sarn Cadrill: Is this really what I had put people through?

Gebohq: This is no time for running away -- we must stand our ground!

Rachel: How exciting!

Voodoo: You'll do as I say, Commander Gebohq, or I'll have to court-martial you!

Gebohq: But--

Voodoosnowflakes, as Capt. Sran Capdill, drags Gebohq up the escalator. Sarn Cadrill takes Rachel by the hand and does the same. Semievil is chased up the escalator by Ricky as he is being shot.

Semievil: I'M NOT A ZOMBIE! STOP SHOOTING AT ME!

BokkenMonkey, after seeing the approaching zombie hoard, flees up the escalator as well. The group stops at the top of the escalator, watching the approaching zombie hoard.

Sarn Cadrill: Not to put a cramp in our plan of action, but won't the zombies just follow us up the escalator?

Voodoo: *to Bokken* Ensign, I'm very disappointed in you. You're being demoted as soon as I can figure out what's worse than an Ensign.

Sok Munkey: I got the zombie situation covered.

Sarn Cadrill: GAH! Where'd you come from?

Sok Munkey: I've been up here, waiting for you people to get up here. In any case, we're fine from the undead, for now at least. In your rush up here, none of you seemed to have noticed that the escalators are all moving down -- you can thank me for that. Fortunately, for us, zombies aren't that quick.

Sok Munkey points to the bottom of the escalators. Zombies attempt to shuffle up the escalator, only to be brought back down, fall over, and groan in frustration at the escalators.

Sok Munkey: Now we can move on to a few character-focused posts. For instance, the shotgun aimed at Geb's head.

Everyone looks as Ricky aims her shotgun at Gebohq's head. Gebohq aims his own best Dirty Harry impression.

Ricky: Revenge is a dish best served uh...with tiny little pieces of metal in your head.

Just as Ricky is about to pull the trigger and end Gebohq's life along with his recently begun romance, the previously mentioned mouse suddenly dropped down from the ceiling onto Ricky's outstreched weapon, biting it completely in half, before running off. As Ricky stares dumbly at the destroyed weapon, before promptly being run over by an old woman as she chases after the mouse.

Gebohq: Well, as life threatening situations go, that didn't turn out all that bad.

Sarn: Aiiiyyyeee!!!

Sarn's previously revealed fear of mice once again revealed itself, as he promptly passed out

Bokken: Well he picked a great time to pass out. What if the zombies make it upstairs before he wakes up?

Voodoo: Definetly demoted.

Rogue Leader: Duh, elevators all moving down. Remember?

The entire party turns towards the source of this new voice

Geboqh: Who in the world are you?

Bokken: And where the heck did you come from?

Rogue: Huh?

Voodoo: They mean, how did you get in here? There's a zombie army surrounding this whole place!

Rogue: I've been with you guys the whole time.

Gebohq: What? No you haven't!

Rogue: You sir, need to start looking behind yourself more often.

Bokken: ZOMBIES!

Sok Munkey: We've been through this already. Elevators moving down, remember?

Rogue: Yeah, we're perfectly safe.

Bokken: What if they've decided to use the stairs instead of the elevators?

The group looks to the set of stairs near them, to see the zombie hoards beginning to clamber up the last few steps

Rogue: I still maintain that we're perfectly safe.

(NSN: Yeah, I've never really written before, and definetly not for NeS. And obviously this isn't really an attempt to mess up NeS as Geboqh challenged everyone to, but an attempt to not so subtly enter another character into the story which I don't really know the backstory to. So...I guess that could mess it up in and of itself! But I'll bet Geb will be happy either way)

In the duct work above the group, the cat pursues the mouse. It scrambles to catch up with the uncanny speed of the creature that has just eluded him. He can tell this is no ordinary mouse.

Cat(to himself): I don't get it! This thing should be a push over! I have tackled squirrels 3 times bigger than him..

The cat promptly follows the path of the mouse, approaching the vent it had just jumped from. He can plainly hear people talking in the room below him as he nears. He peers down into the room, looking through small slots in the vent. The mouse had somehow fit through these slots..but it would more than likely not be an option for him. For a moment his attention switches from the mouse to the people in the area below him. The cat can feel their tension as they fix their gaze on the steps where, as far as the cat is concerned, some strange looking people begin to enter. He sniffs the air with quick, swift breaths, hoping to find some signature scent that would identify these figures. His nose wrinkles at the foul smell that ensues, a smell that can only be described as utterly disgusting.

Cat: Ugghhh....this is worse than the time my canned tuna was full of botulism...

Below the vent, our group looks at the approaching zombies.

Gebohq: We can't just stand here and let them come. We must fight!

Rachel: My hero!!

As Gebohq becomes more heroic by the minute, the flood of zombies seems to thicken even more...the fabric of the NeS twists and strains.

Gebohq: Quick, there must be some things we can find in the stores..anything!

Voodoo: Commander Gebohq, I will not warn you again! Do as I say or...

Gebohq: Or what?

Voodoo: *gasp* SARN!!! What happened?!

Voodoo runs to the passed out Sarn, kneeling beside him. She reaches and gently holds one of his hands.

Voodoo: Whats going on! Sarn! ...and how did I get up here??

Sok Munkey: What are you talking about? Sarn saw a mouse and passed out...you were going all berserk and telling us to split up into fire teams or something.

Voodoo: I was what? Are you sure you aren't talking about Sarn?

Gebohq: Enough! We don't have time for this! Lets go!

Voodoo: But...Sarn!

Sarn: (waking up) Uhhg...Is it gone? Voodoo? What happened to the

Bokken: ZOMBIEESSS!

The group glances at their surroundings..the zombies have made it to the top of the stairs, and now approach them.

Bokken: There are too many of them!

Gebohq: We can't back down, we must fight!

Sarn: Gebohq, are you nuts? Whats wrong with you!

Gebohq: We do not have much time, quick, grab something and fight!

Outside, the lightning crashes, and single posts that call for global destruction rain down mercilessly upon the mall, the parking lot, and even those little dividers that have tiny trees on them that never seem to grow any bigger. Within the mall, however, the danger is even greater. A hoard of shuffling, shambling and groaning zombies pours into the second floor of the mall, and our intrepid heroes argue over whether or not they should fight them.

Gebohq: We do not have much time, quick, grab something and fight!

Sarn: Are you kidding? There's like 16,000 zombies, shouldn't you be panicking?

Rachel: Not my man!

Bokken: Guys. Zombies coming. Why aren't we dead yet!? They've been about six feet away from us for like 10 minutes!

Sok Munkey: Standard plot practices, man. The zombies can't possibly get to us while the plot is still developing, it would interrupt the flow of things. Where have you been?

Bokken: In the $%&ing bathroom!

Sarn: We need cover! We need to get somewhere secure, somewhere defensible...like a mall.

Voodoo: Uhm...we're already in a mall. Not working so far.

Sarn: It's a work in progress. Next, we need to get to higher ground.

Sok Munkey: Like the second floor?

Sarn: Exactly.

Bokken: No running in the plan? Running from zombie-flavored death?

Voodoo: That's Geb's department.

Rachel: Maybe that's what you think.

While this arguing is going on, Gebohq, is some sort of love-induced-bravery-rage, has grabbed a fire extinguisher off of the wall and started charging headlong into the churning throng of zombies...alone

From the point of view of Cool Matty

Slowly, I opened my eyes to the sound of rushing air, and something shaking me. I covered my eyes as the bright light and recent unconsciousness made them sensitive. After a moment, I could make out the face of my love, Mimiru, looking very distraught. She seemed to be yelling something at me, but I couldn't understand her over the howling wind. She suddenly grabbed my head and forced it downwards, when I suddenly snapped wide awake.

We were falling!

I looked around, and also spotted Wai and Subaru. They were falling with style, having no issues dealing with the sudden freefall position we were in. Mimiru and I, however, were far less prepared for such a situation and were floundering like idiots.

Wai, while holding onto Subaru, directed their fall towards us. Once he got close, he also grabbed onto me. He then shouted (probably with much greater volume than is possible from a human):

Wai: GRAB. MIMIRU'S. HAND. AND. TELEPORT.

Mimiru, always one step ahead of me, had already grabbed ahold of me. I looked down at the ground for a moment, trying to find a stable landmark to teleport us to.

I spotted what looked to be a soft patch of ground. I then closed my eyes, and attempted to perform a teleport maneuver I had not tried before. I attempted to teleport us to that location sideways, so that our momentum would not instantly kill us, but instead just give us a lot of bruises. It took a lot of concentration, and I still wasn't sure if I was going to get it right, but I gave it a shot.

I teleported us.

Returning to NeS-style narration... finally...

The four of them came out of the teleport exactly as CM intended, but tumbled for a good 500 feet before coming to a stop. Wai, the only one truly unharmed from the event, immediately got up to see if the others were alright. Subaru, having used her various skills to protect herself, managed to walk away from it with only a sprained ankle. She went with Wai to go check on Mimiru and CM, who had traveled quite a bit further.

They found Mimiru holding CM tightly as possible, almost in a death grip. She suffered numerous injuries to her back and other areas, but her right arm was the most serious. Her humerus was shattered. Through some miracle of will, she kept her grip on CM, to which Subaru had to slowly pry off of him.

CM, himself, was not in a great condition either. He broke his ankle and his left hand.

Subaru: CM, wake up! Wake up! It's over, we're alive!

Wai: He might still be suffering from the effects of teleporting us.

Subaru: Wai, you keep an eye on him, let me know as soon as he wakes up. I need to take care of Mimiru's arm, immediately.

Wai nodded, and Subaru jumped back over to where they had pulled Mimiru over to.

Subaru: Mimiru, can you hear me?

She nodded, with a deep expression of pain on her face.

Subaru: Listen, your arm is broken badly. It's going to take me a long time to be able to fix it. I don't have any pain killers, so I'll need to put you to sleep. Is that alright?

Mimiru: Y-yes.

Subaru: Good. Now, just one thing before I start... what in the world were you doing clinging to CM?

Mimiru: H-he was unconscious. If I... didn't grab him, he probably would... have died from the fall.

Subaru just sighed to herself, and got to work on Mimiru's arm.

Subaru: Oh God, Wai...

Wai: What's wrong?

Subaru: Mimiru's arm, her bone nearly disintegrated. I don't even know where to start...

Wai: Just do your best. She's counting on you.

Subaru: I know... just... I don't think she's ever going to have her arm back, at least not like it used to be. There's just too much damage...

Wai: Give it your best shot, that's the most anyone can ask of you. She knew what she was doing, okay?

Subaru nodded again, tearfully.

Subaru: Right. I'd do the same thing... if... he was in that position.

Subaru closed her eyes again, and went back to work. It would be nearly 24 hours before Mimiru or CM woke up.

Suddenly, the best post written for the Never-ending Story appears -- a post so perfect, it can not be seen by mere mortals such as you. Should you read it, you will have opened a literary Pandora's Box, and its true power will forever change you. Its mere presence, however hidden, will ensure that no writer will ever find the confidence to continue writing ever again. You have been warned -- DO NOT UNVEIL THE TEXT BELOW!

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Benevolent Upward Mobility Post! B.U.M.P.! Benevolent Upward Mobility Post! B.U.M.P.! Benevolent Upward Mobility Post! B.U.M.P.! Benevolent Upward Mobility Post! B.U.M.P.!

B.U.M.P.!

(NSN: Many thanks to Sarn, who wrote up the rap, which is mostly what I wanted out of this post. I suck at raps, as some of you already know...)

As Gebohq charges towards the zombies, he looks as if he is ready to smash zombie skulls with his fire extinguisher. Instead, however, he appears to uncontrollably create a make-shift fog with the fire extinguisher instead, giving himself an impressive entrance.

Gebohq:
Lissen up zombies, ur about tah get bit
wit da freshest of lyrics anyone's ever spit
dis [censored]'ll [censored] you up quicker than a heroin hit
make you wish that you could just turn in your towel and quit
Cuz I'm da Gebstah, da prankstah, the original gangstah
if you gonna try ta [censored] wit me, first you betta make sho'
ya gun is well-oiled an ya clip is filled up
wit some hollow poin' bullets an da ser-

Geb is unceremoniously hauled away by Sarn Cadrill, as a zombie reaches for him.

Geb: What gives?

Sarn: That' zombie almost bit you!

Geb: I'd have been fine, and even if I wasn't? I'm fine with that. For once in my life, I'm brave enough to fight, even if every act of heroism now on my part makes me uncontrollably rap instead, and you're--

Sarn: --Arguing later, running now.

Sarn Cadrill drags Gebohq with the rest of our cast as they try to run away from the approaching zombies, finding fewer and fewer places to run for safety...

Oh yeah, and Sok Munkey falls over, possibly dead, in a very delayed reaction to Ricky shooting at him with a shotgun some posts ago. What? Just go with it!

Rachel: Oh Geb, I love it when you rap like that.

As the zombies relentlessly pursue our heroes, one accidentally steps into the middle of the dissipating fog, which is, coincidentally, where a single spotlight is pointing. The zombie stops.

Zombie:
Raaagh, ugh.
Gru-aagh, lugh.
Gnnnnggnnsskk tugh.

A second zombie takes a huge bite out of the skull of the rapping zombie, effectively killing it. This zombie then produces a microphone from somewhere inside its own rib cage...and begins to belt out so phat rhymes...yo.

Zombie 2:
You're runnin' scared now, but that's what you gotta do
If you stop for one second we'll take a bite out of you
Now I don't mean to sound rude, but I gotta remark,
Your outlook for survival's getting even more stark.
Y'see, I'm a funky fresh zombie from the world of the dark
And I'd like to think that I hold all of the cards.
You're running out of space, I can almost taste your face
Soon you'll know your place, inside my jaws embrace.
Keep on running, fool, while we zombies drool,
We'll take you to school...
You'll learn why zombie rule.

The second zombie crosses its arms and gives Geb a look that is dripping with attitude. Some random zombies grunts the language-free equivalents of "Oh, snap!"

Our heroes all freeze in place with shocked expressions on their faces.

Sarn: Who knew?

Geb: Don't worry guys! I got this!

Geb banister slides down into the horde of zombies.

Geb: Homeboy. Spit me a beat.

Sarn: boom.. chit boom boom chit boom... boom boom chit. (etc)

Geb:
funky fresh? take a bite outta me?
step up an try it zombie, wait till you see
what i got in store for you
drillin a hole in you
lyrics destroyin you
till i start ignorin you
you say you're holdin the cards but you're all outta luck
your head'll explode when you see my royal straight flush
cuz i'm da freshest around
da freshest in dis damn town
i make you look like a clown
with a painted on frown
staggerin round in your oversized shoes
this invasion wont even make the front page news

Other Heroes: OOOOOOHhhh!

Geb:
all da reporters will be busy cov'rin da story of how
i put you through a meat grinder with my hip new sound
an you'll be left wond'rin where the brains all went
when dey're mesmerized by the groove of my lyrical bent
lissin zombie, you're spent
go back to your tent
cuz you aint goin nowhere wit dis horror film stint

Other Heroes:

(NSN: An excuse to have, uh, guest celebrity appearances... yes. This is a modification of two of 311's songs -- "Hive" and "Freak Out.")

A group of zombies that could be 311 (hey, it's hard to tell when body parts are missing and deteriorating) step forward from the zombie horde, tagging Zombie #2 out.

Zombie 311:
C-c-Coming like a nightmare word like we're gonna go for it
****in' around what ya got to show for it?
Let it be know that we're in the zone
And whatever we need we just yell out a moan
'Cuz we're true with it and you're new with it
We just swing the thing and then we're through with it
We don't need **** against you foes
I'm-a brain-dead bum, but one who knows
about things, 'cuz it takes two
and we swings better than you
Then it's time for the dub so we roll out the club
And you know just what I do I'm hitting in the freak mode

The zombie group then transitions to a different beat.

Zombie 311:
Let the games begin if you wanna **** with a zombie
You can't disturb the course of P & C & T & D & me
We're on a mission
To set straight
The vice, the curse, the date, the gate relate to this
I insist B it's weak to dis see
I'm runna up so suckers stick to your 40
How could we give a damn, give a damn if you approve what it's about.
We just freak out

Just guess ya'll c'mon come back slipped outta whack as the master.
Laid out the music
Death we just say **** you, the void unknown we're thrown through
while lost in life's psychedelic trip we take
There's another more bizarre we have to make
world we have nowhere beyond
Take out the earth the bass is gone
At life's end we'll feel the calm
How strange we should be here at all

All the other zombies "ooooooh!" and random audience members start cheering the zombies on.

Sarn: Some rap battle -- was that even rapping? Where's a judge when you need one?

Voodoo: I think the popularity would over-rule over content in this case. Looks like even Ms. Pi got swept up...

RAM Pi: Wooo! Er, I mean, show them up, Geb!

Bokken: I'm just glad the zombies have stopped trying to eat us...

Voodoo: The crowd's turning on us!

And indeed it was, for many of the random audience members had already been zombified by the ever-growing hoard, while still others, who were clearly 311 fans, found themselves cheering on the bad guys.

Geb: Give me something to work with, we'll get them on the run!

Rachel: Oh Geb!

Sarn: Boom chit ba boom boom. (and other beat boxing noises as well)

Geb: Awwwww yeah. Here it goes now.

Within the hoard of zombies, Geb singles out one particularly ugly fellow and starts rapping directly to him.

Geb:
You ugly, you stupid and you smell like dead fish
But that went out the door when you stepped to this.
'Cause I'm the hero, Gebohq, to be exact
That's why no one in my way ends up intact.
You'll get smacked ... around,
Then you ***'ll get beat down,
Be you bit player, major villain or *** clown.

The zombie on the recieving end of Geb's verbal beat down sticks out its upper lip and begins pouting. Since it's a zombie, the lip subsequently falls off, causing the zombie to begin sobbing uncontrollable and is shambles off, and falls headlong down a conveniently place incinerator chute. Seeing Geb defeat a mindless killing machine with only the power of his mad lyrics, Rachel faints.

Voodoo: I can't believe that actually worked.

Bokken: But there's too many of them! He can't rap them all to death, he'll run out of rhymes!

Rogue Leader: ...leave that to me.

Everyone stops and looks at this new, but not actually new, voice.

Sarn: Where'd you come from?

Rogue: ...I've been standing here the whole time.

Bokken: I find that highly improbable. Surely someone would have noticed you at some point in the last...nine posts.

Rogue: Relax. I'm about to bust a flow the likes of which have never been seen.

With that, Rogue Leader leaps down into the fray, taking up a spot right next to Gebohq. He pulls two microphones out of his jacket, handing one to Geb. Sarn takes a drink of water from a nearby fountain, then begins beatboxing once more.

Rogue: Aight...you know how we do...

You zombies don't have the vocal chords
To spit lyrics so sharp you could use 'em for swords
I've been listening to you and I've been gettin' bored
It's time to send you the way of the dinosaurs.

Geb:
Yo, Rogue, I hear they be talkin' trash
But won't step up to the plate for some smash and bash
Writing checks with they mouths they ain't willing to cash
Thinkin' they weak *** rhymes gunna make a splash but -

Rogue:
They lyrics are old, they bodies is cold
And they getting steam rolled
They cannon fodder, I'm shootin' balls of solid gold.
They'd better run for cover, they cain't say they ain't been told

Geb: Survey says....

Rogue:
We're picked by a hundred viewers polled.

The random audience members let out a resounding "Oh no he didn't", even those who didn't get the family feud reference. Several more zombies wander off and accidentally kill themselves in convenient ways, as the crowd is now solidly behind our heroes.

Rachel: I love you, my heroic honey-bear!

Gebohq: I love you too, my darling sweet Pi.

The two snuggle, their public displays of affection causing BokkenMonkey to hurl. Gebohq then skips through the entrance of a Hallmark store, picking up a card, then spins around a zombie trying to eat his brains and picks up a dozen roses from a bouquet cart, then turns into a jewelry store just as another zombie lunged at him, picking up something in a small box. The zombies are about to charge when Gebohq offers the card and roses to Rachel.

Gebohq: For you.

All the zombies: Awwwgh....

Rachel: Oh Geb!

Sarn: Oh come on! Enough with the Valentine's Day sh--

Sarn Cadrill is elbowed by Voodoosnowflakes.

Sarn: Oof. Uh, shennanigans?

Gebohq then starts to kneel and open the small box -- a diamond ring. Nevermind that Gebohq picked it out in half a second, this ring was perfect.

Gebohq: Rachel April May Pi... will you marry me?

Gebohq propsing? This would be the end of NeS for certain! Will this wave of "love in the air" diminish with the holiday post or will the spirit of Valentine's Day carry forth and destroy the NeS? Find out, next time!

Rachel Pi: Yes!

Voice: No!

Everybody turns their attention towards one of the zombies making his way forward. He wore a standard grey and black outfit that a "villain of the week" sort of person might wear, with an old stab wound visible on his chest. He was less decomposed than many of the zombies, with his dark autumn hair that rivaled that of Kevin Bacon from "Tremors" and Mark Hamill from "Star Wars" having not fallen out yet.

Rachel: Geb...?

Semievil: What the hell, now we have an undead Geb!

Bokken: How is there a zombie Geb if he's also here, still alive...

Gebohq: It's a long story, but it doesn't matter. It's not me. It needs to go down--

undead Geb: No!

The undead Geb charges at Gebohq with surprising speed and agility, but quickly runs out of breath (despite not needing to breathe) before reaching Gebohq.

undead Geb: *huff huff* Being undead really blows... But I guess that's how this life goes...

Gebohq looks at his zombie counterpart as it is shuffling its way towards him and Rachel.

undead Geb: *to Rachel* He can't reap what he sows... he'll break your heart when he sleeps with some 'ho's...

Rachel Pi stands there, confused at what she should think now. Gebohq stands resolute as the undead Geb continues advancing.

undead Geb: He's not beyond stooping to such lows... How far? Only God knows...

The undead Geb then leaps towards Gebohq with surprising quickness and dexterity!

Bokken: So I'm confused now. Is this still a rap battle or not? There are still a lot of scary zombies here... ;>.>

(NSN: Just an excuse mostly to throw in a zombie Geb. I still feel that the whole "Geb having a mutual romantic relationship with Rachel can't happen less the NeS fall apart" needs to be addressed more, but uh, for now, zombie Geb. :))

CM: Ow, Jesus!

It was a good day and a half later when CM finally awoke, to the pain of a broken left hand and ankle.

Wai: You need to lay down. I set your hand and ankle as best I could, but Subaru's been busy working on Mimiru the whole time so she hasn't had the chance to heal you yet.

CM: ...Mimiru? Wait, she's hurt?

CM promptly attempted to stand up, but was reintroduced to his broken ankle and floundered right back onto the ground.

Wai: Relax, it wasn't fatal. She just seriously broke her arm.

CM looked around and spotted Subaru in deep concentration while her hands moved slowly up and down Mimiru's arm.

CM: Wai, how long have we been out?

Wai: Approximately 40.3 hours.

CM: Why hasn't she woken up?

Wai: Subaru has put her asleep to avoid the pain. She's reconstructing Mimiru's upper arm.

CM: Oh God... Did I screw up the teleport?!

Wai: No, no. You did fine. There was just too much momentum, and she had to...

CM: Had to what?

Wai: Nevermind, it's not important.


Another couple hours past, when finally Subaru came out of her intense concentration. She immediately collapsed on her back.

Subaru: Sorry CM, but it looks like... your injuries will have to wait...

CM: No, that's fine, I can wait. How is she though?

Subaru: I did the best I could. I had to piece together her humerus from about 100 different splinters. Her arm should move alright, but it's going to be incredibly frail from now on.

CM: What does that mean?

Subaru: ... it means she'll never be able to use that arm for fighting again.

CM just looked at Subaru in shock. Mimiru cherished her ability to fight, and losing that ability would be a mortal blow to her psyche. He only hoped that she would be able to handle the news.

Subaru closed her eyes and immediately fell into a deep sleep. Wai went off to gather firewood and to set up a decent shelter. One thing was for sure, it was going to be a long couple of days.

Hidden in the NeS mist, a newly created device to allow characters that have no right to be there because they are in a story arc that has nothing to do with anything that has been going on for the last, oh 15 posts, a band of three have been observing the sh.. shenanigans with Gebohq, Rachel, zombie Geb and Co.

Caspian: Did he just rap "he'll break your heart when he sleeps with some 'ho's..."

Calilmalith: Hell, I don't know. I'm still getting over the zombies and the whole idea of rap battles. What has been happening while I've been away?

Thrawn42689 is staring sadly at the Geboqh and Rachel. He misses Granny Cal.

Thrawn42689: Bother. Damn. Bugger. Hell. Crap. Shoot. S%$t. F^@*.

Calilmalith: Will you just get over it robo-sop!

Thrawn42689 throws Calilmalith a withering look. He turns and again focuses his attention on Geboqh and Rachel. Silently he steps forward out of the mist and into the previous post. Ummm, hang on! Can he do that? Step into a PREVIOUS post?]

Thrawn42689: Shut up. This is a touching moment.

Sorry. Silently he steps forward out of the mist and into the previous post. Everyone turns toward him with a loud long gasp. Well, not just one, one per person, if you know what I mean. Oh, hang on, that should be one per person and per zombie ... or do zombies still count as persons?

Thrawn42689: Shut UP.

Right. Sorry. Thrawn42689 walks slowly up to Gebohq and Rachel and extends his hand to Geb. Geb hesitates, then valiantly takes Thrawn's hand. They shake hands like gentlemen. Gentlemen? Oh my God, NeS IS falling apart.

Thrawn42689: I'd like to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. May your love grow and live long. Could I hug the bride-to-be?

No-one says anything. Nobody moves. Thrawn42689 steps forward, arms open wide, and gives Rachel a big paternal hug. Rachel is wide-eyed and completely unsure about what is going. Actually, no-one really knows what is going on, especially me. Help.

Thrawn42689: Blessings on you both. I hope that the evil between us is forever extinguished.

He sighs deeply, turns and walks back into the mist.

Sarn: What the f^@* was that about?

Voodoosnowflakes: I don't know but I've got a bad feeling about this. A really bad feeling.

Gebohq: *happy that some one other than Rachel appreciates his grand gestures* Go Thrawn!

Gebohq gives Rachel a hug. She is still looking wide-eyed and completely unsure about what is going on. What's more is she doesn't really WANT to know what is going on. Safety in ignorance.

Gebohq: Don’t you mean numbers?

Whatever. From behind the mist ...

Calilmalith: Nice one, deadhead. What are you? A Hallmark robot?

Thrawn42689: Just shut up now or I will kill you ...

Calilmalith: So what's stopping you, bolts for brains?

Thrawn42689 leaps toward Calilmalith reaching for her throat but stops, stricken, before he manages to grab hold of her.

Thrawn42689: *desperately* Because I know somewhere in you, is her.

Calilmalith: And you can't kill her?

Thrawn42689: No!! I want to, but I can't. *sadly* I just can't.

Calilmalith: *smiling smugly* Well, looks like you'll just have to get along with me then. Come along.

She walks off toward the HHoH. Thrawn42689 hesitates. He does not want to go with her but he does not want to be alone. Caspian puts his hand on Thrawn's arm.

Caspian: C'mon old chap. She's not the easiest person to get on with, I know, but the alternatives don't seem that much better. And I think that what you did was just sterling. Well done!

Caspian begins to walk off but turns to make sure Thrawn42689 is following. Not knowing what else to do Thrawn trudges after him.

Thrawn42689: *thinks to himself* Perhaps I won't kill him at all. Oh, who am I kidding. I probably won't kill anyone at all, ever again. I'm a lost and pathetic Thrawnbot.

Will love kill NeS? Stay tuned for the next time Cali the Writer gets off her butt and writes something.

Cali the Writer: Oh, shut up. Gebohq started this whole screwing up the NeS thing and HE started the idea of NeS falling apart because of a romance. Don't put the onus on me!

But you're the one who is, and I quote, "bringing lurve to NeS".

Cali the Writer: I have only one word for you.

Umm ... pineapple?

Cali the Writer: You got it.

I'll shut up now.

A different mist blows in through the ventilation system and the cat still hunting in the ductwork sneezes and shakes it's head.

Undead Geb goes from surprising quickness and dexterity to suddenly limp and falls to the floor. The thuds of other zombie bodies hitting the floor echo throughout the mall.

Bokken: Are they Dead?

Mr Stafford: No, they are still undead. This fogger stuff just just paralyzes them so we can retrieve them.

Voodoo: How? ... Why? Why are you here?

Mr Stafford: Plot holes and haven't you paid attend to the news? The Damned Corporation is expanding into manufacturing! And these zombies will make great Damned Corporation Manufacturing Division employees! I don't have to waste valuable time brain wash ... I mean investing in training forgotten souls this way!

A team of damned workers in hazmat suits start getting to work on quickly bagging up the zombies including Undead Geb.

.....

Is Undead Geb doomed to work for the Damned Corporation? Will our heroes be able to defeat love to save the NeS? Find out next time on The Never-ending Story Squared!

The heroes watch as, one-by-one, the zombies are bagged up and hauled away by the rather conveniently appearing workers. Outside, the storm of strange, one-shot posts seems to be subsiding...all seems to be returning to normalcy. Seems to be.

Bokken: So that's it, then? We're safe?

Sarn: Depends on your definition of safe.

Gebohq: From now on, everyone is safe as long at I'm around!

Rachel throws her arms around her fiance's neck just as a tear in the fabric of the NeS appear a few feet away - and a Beluga whale falls through. It immediatly jumps up to its feet, which it has grown in the few seconds it has been in the mall.

Beluga: No sir, I don't like it.

The whale explodes, showering everyone in blubber.

Bokken: So, not safe, then? Is that what I'm supposed to gather?

As Bokken Monkey finished speaking, another tear in the NeS appears, this one behind our heroes. From it, a bunch of facehuggers from the Alien movies appear and begin launching themselves through the air all willy-nilly, occasionally latching on to the face of a Damned Worker, or a Zombie, or a Random Audience Member.

Voodoo: What the hell is going on!?

Mysterious Voice: I believe I can help to answer that question...

Who is this mysterious speaker? Where is all this stuff coming from? Why did that whale explode? I have no idea.

Seven seconds earlier...
Sperm Whale: Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground!

Strangly, against all probability, the whale did not hit the ground, but rather fell through a tear in the fabric of the universe. Upon exiting the tear, the whale first noticed it was oddly a mutated Beluga Whale, though it did not know what a Beluga Whale was. After considering it's new legged body, it had only one thing to say

Beluga: No sir, I don't like it.

About this time, the momentum from the earlier fall caught up to the whale, as tears in the fabric of the universe have odd effects on physics, and the sudden pressures inside it's mutated body caused the whale to explode into tiny chunklets across the room

Returning to the present, everyone turns around towards the mysterious voice to see Vin Disel, dressed in familiar jeans and a black hoodie.

Rogue Leader: Woah! Vin Disel!

Vin Disel: What? No, I'm Antestarr.

RL: Uh, no, you're Vin Disel.

Vin Disel: Strange... but moving on, the reason for this madness is quite simple -- the stable, loving relationship between Gebohq and Rachel is still tearing the foundation of the NeS thread apart. Their relationship as it stands must end one way or another.

Gebohq: Like hell! Why should we listen to you anyway, Vin Disel?

Vin Disel: For the love of-- I'm Ante! These continuing bad posts have obviously changed my physical appearance!

Sarn Cadrill: If you're Antestarr, where have you been since the zombies arrived?

Vin Disel: Uh...next question.

Bokken: Did you find it difficult to act in Triple X?

Vin Disel: It's funny you should ask because-- GAH! I'M NOT VIN DISEL!

Semievil: Whatever you say, Vin Disel. So, does anyone want to hit the food court?

Vin Disel: But Geb! And Rachel!

Semievil: What? They can come too, but they have to pay for their own food.

Vin Disel: Damn it! I'm not going to have Geb ruining the NeS if I can help it!

Suddenly, Vin Disel grabs Rachel and pulls a pistol to her head.

Voodoo: No! Don't do it, Vin Disel!

Meanwhile, the camera follows a cat chasing a mouse past some of our less-than-involved characters...

TLTE the Mortal: So... now that there doesn't seem to be much of a zombie problem anymore, are they just going to forget about me?

Sok Munkey: Probably. They've done it all the time with me. I'd suggest trying to kill them. It's not really possible, but it's the effort that counts.

Ricky: Should we try now?

Sok Munkey: Eh...maybe later.