*The top deck of Krig the Viking's Norse ship. Stormclouds hang overhead, rocking the vessel as the churning waves crash against its sides. In the middle of the scene, five figures stand: TLTE, CM, Wai, Krig and the recently released Highemperor. In the middle of their rough circle, a slew of weapons sit, forcibly discarded after TLTE's order to disarm everyone.*

Krig: Krig want axe back.

*He takes a short step forward, but stops in mid-stride after an audible gun-click. TLTE looks at him, pistol in hand, no emotion visible on his face.*

TLTE: Stand back, Krig.

Krig: Krig want axe back!!!

TLTE: I understand that. But this has to be done.

CM: Wait, wait - you never said that you'd have a gun!

*The mage takes an angry step forward, but another cocking noise halts his progress. In TLTE's other hand now rests an even larger pistol.*

CM: This is madness!

TLTE: I thought that you might say that, mageling. You are not above suspicion, you know...

*He glares at CM, whose counter-glare is fiercer still. Then-*

Wai: This is logical.

*CM turns, startled by his companion's words. Wai simply nods at the Russian spy.*

Wai: TLTE is obviously innocent: he was attacked, after all. He should retain his weapons.

Highemp: You said you'd worked it out, TLTE. That...I am not the....the...

TLTE: Yes, Highemp. We were mistaken.

*He turns, and paces up and down the arrangement of heroes, talking as he does so.*

TLTE: When you told me that you thought it was you, I was immediately suspicious. After all, couldn't a writer influencing you to kill me just as easily prevent you from coming to that discovery? It was you who suggested it, remember.

CM: This is all speculation, and you know it! We don't know for certain the relationship between every writer and character!

TLTE: True, CM. As much as I didn't want for my friend to be implicated, he still remained so. I couldn't clear his name...until now.

*He holds up the smaller gun, for the other heroes' inspection. It is, they realise, TLTE's stolen gun: the attempted murder weapon.*

TLTE: This is a Smith and Wesson model 629, a 6-shot .44 Magnum. A revolver.

CM: And?

TLTE: And it reveals a great deal about who the traitor is.

CM: How could it?! It's your gun!

TLTE: Almost. It has been significantly modified since I last used it.

*He stops, pointing to the bow section of the ship, where the attack took place. Six bullet holes litter the ground and handrail, remants of the crime.*

TLTE: The first thing that worried me after the attack was how the killer managed to get the jump on me. I heard nothing, comrades - until one of the bullets sparked on the handrail, I didn't even know I was under attack. With respect, how could one of you sneak up on ME, a spymaster?! It defies comprehension, unless...

Krig: Unless bad guy is quiet.

*CM looks at the Viking scornfully, but TLTE's expression is one of great delight. He looks fondly at the Viking.*

TLTE: Exactly, tovarish! Unless he was quiet...and then I realised what had happened.

*He extends the weapon, once again offering it for inspection, but this time points to the muzzle.*

TLTE: Notice the scratch marks on the very top of the barrel? They indicate something being forcefully removed from the pistol. A silencer, perhaps?

*He then indicates to the black tape on the gun.*

TLTE: Notice also the black tape on the pistol. This provided for me the final clue, the ultimate giveaway to the plot.

*He rips off the tape, suddenly.*

TLTE: This is double-strength reinforced tape! The attacker knew that my gun was a revolver...knew that in order to catch me unprepared he would need a silencer to surprise me, and that the only way to silence a revolver is to tape up the breech between the exposed chambers. None of you are small-arms experts, having neither the time nor the compulsion to do the study. The only person who could have had the resources and the mechanical skills to fit such a silencer....the only person who could perform this task....must have had such knowledge stored in his databanks.

*TLTE turns abruptly, pointing his pistol.*

TLTE: My attacker could only have been...Wai.

Wai: Your deductions are true, of course.

CM: But Wai... why... how... did the writer make you...

Wai: All the deductions, that is, except for one. I am not controlled by a writer.

Highemp: But that is quite impossible, we all are con-

Wai: No. I am not controlled by a writer. I was born from the outside.

TLTE: The "outside"? What is this, another case of aliens and X-Files?!

Wai: No. Think of Arkng-Thand.

CM: Arkng-Thand? He ordered you to do this? But why would you...

Wai: He is my master, my creator.

CM: But Wai, you have no master! You're a wandering AI, not some tool!

Wai: There was purpose for this, of course. This purpose was to show you all one thing.

Krig: Krig hungry?

Highemp: I don't think Arkng-Thand is quite that shallow, Krig.

Wai: That while the dreamstate is in effect, no one can be trusted.

TLTE: But why only the dreamstate?

Wai: Because the dreamstate does not follow the rules. I believe that the writers really are not controlling the NeS in this state, at least not fully.

Highemp: Without the writers, we cannot function! They must be in control.

TLTE: I think I've discovered the key to EeP's newfound power in the dreamstate...

CM: What is that?

TLTE: We have a traitor... and he's a writer.

Cool Matty: "Then we're finished. We have no way to communicate with the writers."

The Last True Evil: "Not so. Operating under the knowledge that no one writer can bear to see his or her particular creations come to serious harm, we have only to place each individual hero in a potentially risky situation until the traitor speaks up though that particular character. The process of elimination alone shall determine guilt!"

Cool Matty: "Okay. What specific risks did you have in mind?"

The Last True Evil: "My man Guiseppe goes to work on their kneecaps."

*Guiseppe, a towering frenchman toting a baseball bat, sidles up to TLTE*

The Last True Evil: "Not yet, Guiseppe."

Cool Matty: (looking Guiseppe up and down) "Um, okay..."

Wai: "To Oktoberfest!"

*Due to backwards dreamstate physics, the gang arrives at Oktoberfest mere moments after departing their previous location. Almost immediately, TLTE notices a cheerful JediKirby skipping along, eating his schnitzel.*

The Last True Evil: "Look! It's Kirby!"

JediKirby: "Tra-la-la-la-la-"

*WHAM*

*Everyone watches in horror as Guiseppe hits a home run on Kirby's knees, bowling over the hapless hero.*

JediKirby: "Help...I can't move my legs..."

The Last True Evil: "That wasn't the signal, Guiseppe..."

*Guiseppe gives a sheepesh shrug.*

Cool Matty: "Well, I guess it wasn't him."

The Last True Evil: "Look, we've got to track down the rest. Spread out, find the heroes and have them assemble by the sausage-a-thon table. Krig, you stay here and get Kirby some medical attention."

*The group splits off according to TLTE's plan.*

JediKirby: "...Call the medics..."

Krig: "Krig get ambambulance."

The Kirby scuttles off into some place alone... stupid Kirby. You should have stayed in the public eye. Mayaal and Bhac materialize by the Kirby. The Kirby looks at the two, quite concerned about its fate, as it could sense his kind as part of them.

Bhac: It seems one of the Kirbies did not conform with our birth.

Mayaal: This Kirby could simply be a product of the dreamstate of the NeS. Even if it is not, our creation was primarily from Qwerty and JK the White. Whether the other Kirbies followed was not as much of a concern to us.

Bhac: But a concern we should address. One of the other Kirbies could rise to power and ursurp our parts as the Hands of NeS, however unlikely it may be.

Bhac begins to grip on one of Kirby's pudgy appendages. Mayaal in turn grips Bhac's wrist.

Kirby: Uh... could we talk this over?

(NSP: Just wanted to address the apparent presence of a Kirby that should probably be dead.)

Thrawn42689 lounges against a table, looking gloomy. He watches silently as the heroes depart their newly arrived vessel, taking little interest in their affairs. Until he notices...

OMG PERSPECTIVE SHIFT!

An ambulance wails across the fields of Oktoberfest. It skids to a stop with such force that it flips over and rolls upright again with a clunk. A uniformed man leaps out, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Uniformed Man: Hi gang! I'm Joe the Paramedic! What seems to be the problem?

Krig: Kirby have ow.

Joe The Paramedic: Oh, that's terrible! Where is the poor fella?

Krig: Right over...um...

Krig scratches his head with a thick, hairy finger.

Krig: Um...

A kirby-like scream emanates from a nearby dark alleyway. Heads turn in that direction.

Krig: Maybe him go that way.

JtP: Well, what are we waiting for everyone? Time to fix some owies!

Joe the Paramedic runs happily towards the alleyway, followed hesitantly by Krig and Guiseppe.

TLTE: Okay, none of you try and go anywhere, I--

TLTE hears a whisper of noise behind him. The big gun is instantly in his hand, tracking toward his assaliant almost before the sawed-off shotgun has come to rest against his forehead.

Thrawn42689: Back so soon?

TLTE aims the big gun between Thrawnbot's glaring eyes. He cocks it with a click that seems to echo across the fields of Oktoberfest.

TLTE: I don't want to hurt you...I think.

Thrawn42689: Not a problem--he taps his forehead with his free hand--five centimeters of layered titanium right there. Behind that, CPU is encased in diamond. I think it's time I had some answers.

TLTE: Err.

Meanwhile, Krig and Guiseppe catch up with Joe the Paramedic, who is standing at the entrance to the alleyway, gaping at the two figures holding the Kirby hostage...

For a few more seconds, the two gunfighters stand, TLTE’s barrel still pressed against Thrawn’s titanium reinforced skull.

Thrawn42689: So…

TLTE: Yah…

Thrawn42689: Remember how I said I wanted answers? I’m not getting too many right now. Go ahead, shoot. I’ll be back up with my gun to your significantly less protected head before you can blink.

TLTE: Is that so?

Thrawn42689: Yep.

TLTE: Mind if I test that?

Thrawn42689: Go right ahead.

TLTE: Well, maybe I won’t.

Thrawn42689: Aw, really? And I was hoping to show off my skill.

TLTE: Well, maybe if we just move ba-*BLAM*

It seems that TLTE tried to take Thrawn by surprise! The echo of the shot rang across the square as a flurry of movement ensues. After a few seconds, the pair are still again.

Thrawn42689: So…

TLTE: Yah…

Thrawn42689: Remember how I said I was faster?

TLTE: …… Damn

The two now stand in a reversal of fortune. TLTE is on his knees, his gun several feet away, with Thrawn’s large gun now pressed against his temple. TLTE looks significantly more worried about this then Thrawn did. Thrawn’s face, for a few seconds, has a massive, ragged silver circle on it. In a few moments, however, the skin starts to writhe, and regrow. Within a short time his face is back to normal.

Thrawn42689: Now, **** it, I want answers. What the hell are you doing back? I blew your head off!

TLTE: Um… no, sorry, I think its still rather firmly attached.

Thrawn42689: Yah, well, who the hell’s did I blow off, then?

TLTE: How the heck am I supposed to know? I’ve been fighting you the whole time I was here!

Thrawn42689: Liar! I ****ing was you and I ****ing blew your head off! Just give me a real answer! *cough* You see this? This is one of your bullets! How the hell did it get in my stomach but by your gun?

As the two continue arguing, getting steadily angrier with each other, Joe, Krig, and Guiseppe stare at the two odd figures in the ally. One is in all white, with a blindfold over his eyes, and a very odd looking revolver in his hand. The other is decked out in black and red with desiccated, bleeding hands. They, too, are bickering.

Bhac: Look at him, Mayaal! This isn’t just any Kirby! This is jEDIkIRBY! This is one of our creators! He should be dead, but yet he’s here. If he’s a product of the dreamstate, then it doesn’t matter if we kill him! And if he’s not just a random creation, then why is he here? Who would have the purpose of recreating the hand of the NeS? Let’s just kill him and be safe!

jEDIkIRBY: Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me! Um… more!

Mayaal: I can’t condone that! He can’t be any threat to us. You know that!

jEDIkIRBY: Its true!

Bhac: Do I? Like I said, we don’t know how or why he’s here, or who or what created him. He could be sent to spy on us, or even to try and kill us!

jEDIkIRBY: That’s not very nice! I was just out for a stroll!

Mayaal: He can’t! We are the NeS now, he can’t defeat us! Just let him be.

jEDIkIRBY: Please?

Bhac: No, I can’t take the risk.

Mayaal: You just want to kill, you bloodthirsty-

jEDIkIRBY: WHAAAAA!!!!

Joe: Umm.. What exactly is going on here?

Bhac and Mayaal, finally noticing the presence of the others, stare at them for a few moments, then turn back to face each other.

Bhac and Mayaal: This is all your fault! Had we just finished this we wouldn’t have had to draw attention to ourselves. Now look at this!

Krig: Krig confused…

Bhac: Shut up!

Joe: Hey, don’t talk to him like that!

Bhac: And who are you supposed to be?

Joe: Why I’m Joe, the paramedic!

Mayaal: Oh, thank God! Here, take this Kirby and help him before this madman kills him!

Bhac: Madman? Madman? You’re here, possibly endangering our futures, and you call me a madman?

Mayaal: He’s just a poor Kirby! You’re exaggerating so you can find a reason to kill!

Bhac: That’s not true at all!

jEDIkIRBY: WHAAAAA!!!!

Bhac: Alright, whatever. I’m leaving! Take your Kirby and nurse him back to health, don’t come crying to me when he takes off your leg!

Bhac’s body then, somehow, turns totally into blood, and collapses, splashing over the people present. It then seeps into the ground. Mayaal doesn’t seem disconcerted by this, and turns back to the others, who are trying to get the blood out of their clothes and shoes, and looking thoroughly off their lunch.

Mayaal: Um… hello?

Thrawn42689 and TLTE continue to scream their heads off at each other. Maybechild finds this more than a little problematic, and whistles down Jellybean Pony from where he was flying loops through the clouds.

Jellybean Pony:

Maybechild: Thrawn and TLTE are going to kill each other if we don't do something quick!

Jellybean Pony:

Maybechild: I was thinking...you know Thrawn better than I do, and Ahnuld's nowhere in sight. Any suggestions?

Jellybean Pony:

Maybechild: Erm. I was hoping for something a little more nonviolent...and do you even have a nailgun?

Jellybean Pony:

Maybechild: Okay then, that sounds good.

Jellybean Pony prances over in front of TLTE and affixes him with an "adorable little pony" look. TLTE stops what he's doing and looks at Jellybean Pony. Maybechild walks over in front of Thrawnbot and grins. Thrawn stops what he's doing and looks at Maybechild.

Jellybean Pony:

Maybechild snaps her fingers. Jellybean Pony kicks TLTE, dropping him like a sack of cement. Maybechild whacks Thrawnbot on the top of the head with her frying pan.

Maybechild: Ooh, a frying pan.

Thrawn42689: "Ow."

Maybechild: Why the quotation marks?

Thrawn42689: It seemed like "Ow" was the most appropriate thing to say. So I said it. It wasn't really an unconscious decision, if that's what you're asking.

Maybechild: Um. Shall I hit you with the frying pan again, or is there something else I should do?

Thrawn42689: There's a switch back here, if I recall correctly...

Thrawn42689 gropes around at the base of his neck. Eventually, his fingers contact a switch. His head jerks, as if hit by a frying pan, and he collapses to the ground.

Maybechild: I guess we should tie them up or something.

Jellybean Pony:

Maybechild: Well, go find someone who does! They're going to wake up soon. I think CoolMatty, Highemperor, and Wai went to the frankfurter stand.

Jellybean Pony trots off in search of someone who...you know...
Maybechild finds some rope and begins tying the two to a convenient pair of trees. For a moment she pauses, gazing into Thrawn42689's black robot eyes...

Jellybean Pony: !

Maybechild: No! I was just tying them up. I'm fine.

CoolMatty: What's going on here?

Maybechild: Well, they were yelling and shooting at each other, and I thought it might be a good idea to...you know...make them stop. Um...

Wai's eye twitches.

CoolMatty: I guess that makes sense. So...

Uh oh, the writer has no idea who Wai and Highemp are, and can't continue this plotline. Poof!

Joe the Paramedic: Hey, buddy! You look like you've got something wrong with your eyes! You want me to take you too? Oktoberfest has free health care!

Mayaal: Um, no thanks. I appreciate the thought though.

Guiseppe: Je veux frapper quelqu'un!

Krig: Krig think French man sound funny, like when Krig have cold.

Joe The Paramedic: This poor man's out of his mind! We have to get him to a hospital.

Mayaal: Wait, what?

Joe The Paramedic advances toward Mayaal, holding out his arms reassuringly.

JtP: Don't worry, old fella. Everything's gonna be oookkaaaaaaaaaay!

Mayaal: Really, I'm fine. Get away.

JtP: It's okay, I'm a paramedic!

Joe puts a hand on Mayaal's shoulder in a friendly manner. For a moment it glows bright yellow/white, then sinks through into Mayaal's body. Joe withdraws his arm quickly. The hand is no longer there, only a glowing, steaming stump.

JtP: Oh wow! I am in intense pain right now! I'd better go put something on that.

Joe the Paramedic dashes out of the alleyway and into the ambulance, which drives off (seemingly of its own accord). Mayaal looks guiltily at Krig and Guiseppe.

Krig: Where Kirby?

Mayaal: I really didn't mean to do that. Um, sorry.

Krig: That okay.

Krig looks around nervously, then puts one hand to the side of his mouth and stage-whispers in Mayaal's direction

Krig: Krig not actually like him very much.

Mayaal: Um, right. Hey, look over there!

Krig spins around, but Guiseppe, with better instincts, stays put. Mayaal hoists his staff above his head and explodes in a flash of yellow and white light.

Guiseppe: Merde!

Krig: What? What? Where Thor go?

Guiseppe: Thor?

Meanwhile, in Mayaal and Bhac's home dimension...

Bhac: That's kind of disgusting.

Mayaal finishes materializing and dusts off his sleeves.

Mayaal: What? What's disgusting?

Bhac gestures to a severed hand lying on the ground--not bleeding, but not doing much else either.

Bhac: That. It just suddenly appeared in midair and fell on the ground.

Mayaal: Oops.

Bhac: Oops? What oops? What did you do?

Mayaal: Nothing. I think it was just an accident in the space/time/dream/continuum. Certainly not our only weakness, that the heroes must never discover.

Bhac: Good. Then we can get on to the next order of business.

Mayaal: Yes! What is it?

Bhac pulls a black video marked "evidence" out of his *** and pops it into a lousy old Panasonic TV/VCR combo, the kind that soccer moms and dentists have hanging from the ceiling on a little platform. The screen shows static for a moment, and then springs to life. The setting is familiar--Oktoberfest 1964.

Mayaal: 1964?

Bhac: I wondered about that too.

Maybechild ties up Thrawn42689 and stops to look at him--

Bhac pauses the video.

Bhac: See? There! Look at her!

Mayaal: What am I looking at here?

Bhac: You can see it in her eyes, don't play stupid with me.

Mayaal: Her eyes appear to be obscured by static. Haven't you bought that DVD burner yet?

Bhac: Okay okay. But you know what's going on, and I'll have none of it. She's mine, I tell you! She shall be my queen of evil!

Mayaal slaps Bhac.

Mayaal: Snap out of it!

Bhac: You can call me crazy now, but when we rule the NeS and all congruent universes, you'll be sorry. I'll win her heart if I have to...I dunno, bleed on 50 people.

Mayaal: You like bleeding on people.

Bhac: Okay, I'll not bleed on 50 people. For a whole day.

Mayaal: Hah. If you can do that, I'll give you 5 bucks.

Bhac: And slay Thrawn42689, that he may never steal her love from me again?

Mayaal: No, just the five bucks.

Bhac: Deal.

Bhac's eyes glint in the alternateuniverselightsource-light.

Bhac: For now...

A dark and forboding tune plays, chilling Mayaal's heart to the bone.

Mayaal: What's that?

Bhac: That would be my cellphone. I got a new ringtone, you like it?

Bhac pulls a cellphone out of his pocket and flips it on.

Bhac: Hello? Hey, how you doing Lawrence...no, not yet. But I have this sweet deal with this chick in the dreamworld...queen of evil and stuff like that, I can get you the goods by Friday. Of course. Hey, it's me. Okay okay, see you later.

Mayaal: Um, who were you talking to?

Bhac: Lawrence.

Mayaal puts his head in his hands.

Mayaal: Gah.

Bhac: Hey, you're just mad because you're not cool enough to o--I mean, know Lawrence.

*Thrawn42689 and TLTE are tied back-to-back, in a seated position, on the ground of the now-defunct Oktoberfest. Around them, the survivors of the earlier melee are cleaning up the mess, with a solemn appearance that is betrayed by occasional outbursts of drunken cavorting, before a speedy, guilty return to normal. TLTE sighs.*

TLTE: You know, for a NeS hero, you're not a very pleasant individual.

Thrawn42689: I don't understand. My databanks on human behaviour and personality are immaculate; I am a model human being in every way.

TLTE: Maybe that's the problem, comrade.

*Beneath the ropes, which are surprisingly secure for a rush-job, he struggles to push one hand up into his overcoat, where his armada of weaponry reside.*

TLTE: In fact, you'll excuse me if I shoot you a couple more times and take my leave of you.

Thrawn: Illogical. I am a self-regenerating synthetic organism with a titanium alloy and a liquid mesh framework. I am faster, more intelligent and several times stronger than you: what have you, in your favour?

TLTE: Er, I'm taller than you?

*Finally, he wriggles his arm inside the coat, withdrawing a buzz-saw.*

Thrawn: You have not yet answered my question though, human. How were you able to survive my other attack? I was unaware that humans could regenerate like that...

TLTE: I don't know what you're talking about!

Thrawn: Human, you're beginning to test my-

TLTE: AH HAH!

*In a lightning-fast movement, TLTE whips the buzz-saw up, hacks through the ropes binding him and jams the rotating steel blades into Thrawn's face.*

TLTE: GOT-cha?!

*Though Thrawn's metallic facade of a face ripples and yields under the saw's circular motioning, the distorded grin underneath it is more unsettling than anything yet witnessed. The robot rises slowly, pulling the saw out of his face, which is repairing itself already.*

Thrawn: I believe this is an appropriate place to gloat, isn't it? Ha. Ha. Ha.

TLTE: ...

*He draws his Smith and Wessons and fires four shots, at point blank range, into Thrawn's chest. They impact with a metallic clang, some of them sparking and ricocheting right off. Thrawn covers the gap between them before the fifth shot and bats both guns away. TLTE backpedals as Thrawn approaches him.*

TLTE: Time to use the old TLTE smarts...

*He pulls out two bigger pistols and fire them relentlessly into Thrawn. The large calibre of the guns stagger Thrawn, and he slows...but he does not stop. As both guns run empty, Thrawn leaps forward and grasps both gun barrels, crushing them beneath his hands.*

Thrawn: My turn!

*His fist draws back suddenly, coming at TLTE with such speed that the Russian barely draws his head out of the way. The second punch is similarly dodged, but TLTE loses his balance and the third blow, a roundhouse kick, hits him dead on. The effect, TLTE hypothesises as he flies thirty feet through the air and crashes through a building, is akin to running into a brick wall, except the brick wall runs into you. And it's made of titanium, not brick.*

TLTE: By the Czar, I can't take another one of those...those...what's that smell?!

*He looks around himself. Hay. Animals. TLTE is in a barn.*

TLTE: Has the fiend no respect for an animal's dwelling place??

*Suddenly, an ominous shadow engulfs him. Thrawn42689 steps through the TLTE-sized hole in the wall and folds his arms.*

Thrawn: Now, puny human, are you going to tell me about your earlier stunt, or am I going to have to throw you through another wall?

TLTE: Are you kidding? You couldn't hit the side - oh wait, that's ironic.

*Thrawn either misses the point or ignores it completely, coming at TLTE again.*

TLTE's Internal Monologue: Wow, I have an internal monologue! Oh wait, about to be hurt again...I guess I have only one option left, and it had better work...

*Thrawn stands over him, and reaches down to grasp his throat - just as TLTE springs to his feet, a clear metallic noise ringing through the air as a silver light arcs up between them.*

TLTE: At last, something works...

*Thrawn, semi-crouched on the ground, glares impassively at TLTE. His right hand, still extended in TLTE-grasping mode, lies on the hay next to him. TLTE's military sabre gleans in the faint sunlight filtering in, as he replaces it in its sheath.*

Thrawn: A remarkable weapon...to cut through my wrist like that. Where did you get it?

TLTE: This? This is just a standard Soviet officer's sabre, given to me upon my graduation from the Kremlin. But...well, after surviving over 50 pages of the NeS it's developed some interesting properties. It can cross against the NeSword without breaking, for one. And...allegedly, it can cut through titanium.

*He grins, crookedly. Thrawn evaluates him.*

Thrawn: Are you gloating at your minor victory, now?

TLTE: Da. A little bit.

Thrawn: You realise I could still crush your skull with one hand?

TLTE: You probably could, yes. But I'd certainly have a couple more of your appendages off in the process.

*His grin widens. He offers Thrawn his hand to help him up, then realising the social faux pas, he simply offers a thumbs-up.*

TLTE: Friends, comrade?

*Thrawn stands himself up, regarding TLTE with the same blank glare....but slightly less contempt and disregard than before.*

Thrawn: Associates. Now, let's go. We have an Oktoberfest left to clean up.

*He steps through the hole, out into the daylight. TLTE's grin lasts as he shakes his head, ruefully, following him out.*

*In the Writer's Realm...*

Geb the writer: Aha! I've found someone! Come back and write for NeS!

random writer: Noooo! *runs away*

Geb the writer: Hmm... I really need to work on my persuasion skills...

*Simultaneously, in Cancun, Antestarr and Gebohq were kicking back and reminiscing about old times.*

Geb: ...and your cybernetically enhanced rotweiler! Man, that was nuts.

Ante: Oh, yeah. Trixie's pups have gotten pretty big. Though I guess that's not surprising, being the children of Ursa Major and all... I'm still upset you let me miss out on Beta Squadron. Don't we have a time machine yet?

Geb: Well, I think the Thingy can fling through time and space, but it's rather painful and I'm not entirely certain we can point it to a when.

Ante: We'll have to tinker with it. I mean, we could go back and face some peril while our past selves save the world, if you know what I mean.

Geb: Isn't it kinda perilous here?

*Geb pointed out towards the ocean. A windsurfer, casually enjoying the waves, was suddenly grasped by a pterodactyl and carried off towards a mountaintop nest.*

Ante: *sigh* That's not the kind of peril I'm looking for.

Geb: Speaking of peril... isn't it about time we went and rescued our companions from almost certain peril? And how exactly did we end up in Cancun... after being in Europe and wandering through some woods...?

Ante: Wacky Dreamstate physics I suppose. Anyway, I guess we could fly back to Oktoberfest.

Geb: Why would the others be at Oktoberfest? And did you bring a jet?

Ante: I pointed Otter towards it, and it's highly likely that everyone's converged on his mess by now. As for flight, it's common knowledge that one can fly in a dream simply by performing a breaststroke motion in midair.

Geb: You mean like this?

*Geb cupped his hand and started mimicking a particularly lewd behavior.*

Ante: Uh... I was referring to a swimming stroke.

Geb: Oh. Right. I really haven't been a fan of the swimming since that incident with the crocodiles. Can't we just use that "moving around the dreamstate on a whim" trick of yours.

Ante: Well, yeah. It just seemed too easy.

Geb: Alright. Lemme put some pants on and then we'll be off.

*Moments later Gebohq and Antestarr appeared in the midst of the aftermath of the OKTOBERFEST MASSACRE*

Geb: Good grief. I can't leave these guys alone for 2 freaking minutes... er... pages.

Ante: Yeah... it appears that without mitigation and cowardice, this place just turns into a regular bar brawl.

Geb: Very true... hey, wait a second!

*It was at this time that Geb and Ante were first spotted at Oktoberfest. By Otter, of all people.*

Otter: Look! Isha Geb! An dat guy I ushta talk to shumtimes!

Maybechild: *rushing over to Geb* Oh, Geb, thank goodness you're here. It was horrible! Men were looking at me with bad intentions. People were flying everywhere. Some weirdo even took a bit of my hair!

*Ante looks around innocently*

Maybe: Ante! When'd you get back?

Ante: Oh, not so recently as you'd think.

Geb: Alright everyone. Gather 'round, we're gonna discuss our battle plan to defeat the EeP!

*The heroes and semi-heroes gathered around, and introductions and 'welcome back's made their rounds. As the planning was about to begin, Gebiyl who pointed out a glaring error of foresight.*

Gebiyl: You do realize that we still haven't gotten our respective powers back. At least, those of us who were crippled upon entering this Dreamstate.

Ante: Actually, Mr. Geb Lookalike, I just received this Dreamstate Mailorder device: the Robotic Gyroscopic Olfactory Display-o-fier, or Robotic G.O.D.

Thrawn: Let me get this straight... you have a device to display what you're smelling gyroscopically?

Ante: Close. This device analyzes the ambient aroma of an area and the people within it, and then comes up with an clumsily executed answer to a problem that could take a long time to fix. Oh, and it spins.

*Ante activated his strange device, which immediately started spinning and emitting a sound similar to sniffing. Or possibly a Nazgul looking around. Suddenly, it stopped spinning and printed out a small slip of paper.*

Geb: So, Ante, what's it say?

Ante: *clearing his throat and reading in a monotone voice* Your powers were never stolen. They were inside of you all the time.

Thrawn: Wow, clumsily executed and yet cliched at the very same time. How do we do it?

TLTE: Years and years of spy training. Oh, and a whole lot of luck and literary devices.

Ante: Wait, there's more! *reading* And by "inside you all the time", it's really inside of one of your friends. Good luck.

Maybechild: So, if our powers are inside our friends, how do we go about finding them...?

*As the heroes and wannabees start staring down each other's throats and in each other's ears looking for a way to find their missing powers, Ante pulls aside TLTE, Krig, and CM for a little extra "business." Little did our heroes know that the looming shadow of a 7-Legged Giant Tree Spider was going to be... uh... looming over them. Ok, really... who writes this narrator stuff these days? I'm getting tired of the redundant lines and uninspired drivel. I think I'll take a vacation. Where'd we put the old computer....?*

Ante: I don't think we'll find what we're looking for in my belly button.

Otter: Helloooooo! Are zhoo in thar, my fiery powerz?

*The Otter falls to the floor with a B.U.M.P.*

*In the Writer's Realm...*

Thrawn the writer: Well, write something! :p

Geb the writer: Aren't you on strike?

Thrawn the writer: ...maybe >_> But you're not! Write already!

Geb the writer: *sigh*

(NSP: Geb the writer strikes another NSP!)

(NSP: Oktoberfest is in Cancun, right? So everybody is in the same place, right?)

MaybeChild: "You idiots, don't you see?"

*Nobody sees.*

MaybeChild: "How have we always saved the day? How, despite constant bumbling and ineptitude have we always come out ahead?"

Antestarr: "Through lengthy exposition?"

MaybeChild: "No, through our friends!"

Otter: "I don't think we really have friends."

Gebohq: "Sometimes we meet people."

Otter: "But then we blow up their property."

Antestarr: "Or light them on fire."

Otter: "By accident. But still..."

Anterstarr: "Most people never want to see us again after the initial catastrophe."

Gebohq: "I think the mailman likes us."

Krig the Viking: "Krig bash mailman."

Gebohq : (tiny voice) "...George?"

Otter: "It's why they started making us go to the post office to get our mail."

*Without missing a beat, Maybe directs her explanation to Thrawn and TLTE.*

MaybeChild: "Whenever we've been in an unsolvable dilemma, who's bailed us out?"

The Last True Evil: "You're right! It's always been the minor heroes and sidekicks who have helped us over the final hurdle!"

*Cue musical montage of various helpful friends. We see part-time hero CookedHaggis working with Krig to defeat the Soviets. We see Enchilida Man flying in on his magical spaceship in the nick of time. On the busy streets of London, Mark Hamill gives directions to Gebohq. Sarn Cadrill has some sort of unrelated adventure and gets blown up.*

The Last True Evil: "But where are they now?"

Thrawn: "It's immaterial. Even if we had that information, getting them to our location would prove impossible."

MaybeChild: "Not quite. I wish our friends were here!"

*In a sprinkle of jellybeans, Mr. T appears!*

Mr. T: "Pity tha foo' who don't scrub his teeth after eatin' all this candy!"

The Last True Evil: "Of course! The jellybean pony and it's wish-granting powers!"

Gebohq: "Wow! Mark Hamill!"

Mark Hamill: "Hello, Geb. Ready to save the day?"

Gebohq: "You bet."

The Last True Evil: "Let's do it."

Subaru: Does this mean I'm in too?

Geb: Who are you again?

Subaru: Mimiru's friend... you don't remember?

Otter: I don't shay I'ves seen yous in thish area before!

TLTE: Isn't this the whole point? She's a neglected character, one who appears when useful, then suddenly disappears.

Ante: I thought that was called a plot device.

Suddenly, Wai appears simply out of thin air.

Wai: No, this is a plot device.

Wai proceeds to take his hack/sword and slay the 7-legged spider which had been looming for quite a while now, and then walks away into the Cancun sunset.

Ante: Right, did he...

Geb: I bet some croissants could really help! They are never in the spotlight, the neglected pastry....

Otter: Are croissants even pastries?

Geb: Why of course! See, that just shows just how neglected they really are!

Ante: Did anyone notice how Wai just...

Otter: Well of course they'd be a neglected pastry! They are wrongfully categorized!

Geb: How could you say such a thing? They are obviously pastries!

Ante: I could have sworn Wai killed that spi....

Subaru: Is anyone else getting hungry?

Maybechild: Hungry for an adventure maybe...

Subaru: What do you say we ditch these guys and do it ourselves?

Maybechild: Sounds like a plan to me!

While the guys continue to debate whether a croissant is truly a pastry, Maybechild and Subaru begin the journey, with the help of the other sidekicks. Meanwhile, Highemp pulls TLTE aside

TLTE: Highemp! I was curious as to where you had disappeared to.

Highemp: We've not much time to talk, I'm afraid. While the rest of you were enjoying Oktoberfest, I was researching the dreamplot.

TLTE: Yes?

Highemp: It seems that although we cannot harm ourselves in this dreamstate very easily, our bodies in the real world have been deteriorating. Without food, water, and even movement, our real world bodies are... *cough*

TLTE: Are you okay, you look a bit pale...

Highemp: No, let me fini.... finish. Although to us in the dreamstate it seems that it has only been a couple days, it has been much longer in reality. I calculated an estimation on how long we have been dreaming, and my estimates come to around 2 weeks.

TLTE: 2 weeks!? But this cannot be!

Highemp: No, it is accurate. It works in the same way that you can dream an entire day in just a few hours. We have dreamed only 3 days, when in reality, it has been 14. As such...

TLTE: Yes? As such what?

Highemp falls to his knees, and seems to be gasping for air...

Highemp: Listen, TLTE, please, you must get the heroes out of the dreamstate as quick as possible! Their lives are at stake! Soon they will *cough cough*... will fall to the same fate as I have...

TLTE: What fate? Highemp, you aren't...

Highemp: You can do this, TLTE... you can do this without me. We've been good friends for a while now, but you are capable, you always have...

TLTE: But we could never replace you, you've been with NeS for millenia!

Highemp: Aeons, actually, but who's counting.

Highemp looks at TLTE, who is now kneeling next to him. Highemp falls to the ground, and begins to literally fade away.

Highemp: Go, TLTE. Take... *cough*.... lead the heroes to reality again.... You... can do it....

TLTE: Don't die Highemp, you can't die!

Highemp: I am sorry.... TLTE... but this is where my fractal ends....

TLTE: No... no!

Highemp: Farewell... comrade....

Highemp's body falls limp, and fades away. An emotionally destroyed TLTE sits on the ground where Highemp once laid... and without realizing it... begins to cry.

*Subaru and Maybechild, flanked by the NeS League of Unimportant Sidekicks, begin walking down the dusty path to the exit of the Oktoberfest surroundings. Some of the remaining males left behind show vague dismay: most are too busy with the more pressing matter of leafing through dictionaries for the widely accepted definition of a "pastry".*

Maybechild: I'm telling you, this is going to be great! The NeS men are where the troubles all begin, anyway...

Subaru: Very true, very true...why, I remember the first time I laid my eyes on-

*They stop, abruptly. TLTE lies on the road, trenchcoat askew, looking morbidly up at the brilliant sun, as if questioning its purpose.*

Subaru: TLTE...are you OK?

*He looks down, eyes averted, dejectedly wiping his cheeks.*

TLTE: My friend has gone away...it's made me very sad. But it has also focused me, and I think it may have saved us all.

Maybechild: Your friend? Where?

TLTE: It's not important right now.

*He gets slowly to his feet, taking one last look at the sky before turning to face them.*

TLTE: I think I've worked out why - wait, what are you two doing, anyway?

Subaru: Oh, we're leaving for a fabulous adventure, with our sidekicks!

TLTE: I don't...see...any sidekicks..?

Maybechild: They'll appear randomly when needed, don't worry!

*She reinforces this with a broad, all-knowing grin. TLTE chooses wisely to ignore it.*

TLTE: That's not important right now. You're not going anywhere. We have to get everyone out of the dreamstate right now.

Subaru: But we-

*A flash of silver in the light stops her in her tracks. TLTE's face strains as he lifts his pistol, pointing it in their direction but not directly at them.*

TLTE: We have no time for this! A minute is an hour, an hour a day, a day a week...come with me now or we're all going to die!

---------------!MEANWHILE!------------------

Otter: Gentlemen, it would appear that here we have all the makings of a good old-fashioned stalemate.

*The remaining Oktoberfest patrons - that is to say, the NeS crew - are all arranged in a circle, holding various versions of popular dictionaries in hand and glaring daggers at each other. Krig, wisely removed from all matters academic, sits on the sideline and sharpens his axe. Thrawn, having excluded himself from the insanity, sits nearby, a tub of glue and his severed hand laid out in front of him.*

Gebohq: I disagree. You see, Webster agrees with my point of view!! I clearly win!

Otter: The proud institution of Oxford, however, rallies its troops with me, Geb...the day is obviously mine!

*The back-and-forth is suddenly halted by the sound of a pistol discharging. Instantly, the group turns and sees TLTE, flanked by Subaru and Maybechild, brandishing his pistol.*

TLTE: I apologise for what I am about to do in advance. But we have no more time, and all of you are going to be killed in a matter of minutes if we don't get out of the dreamstate.

*At this news, Gebohq shrugs off the inane banter (with much reluctance) and stands, cutting a figure of leadership against the ruinous backdrop of Oktoberfest.*

Geb: We're going to be killed?

TLTE: We're already dying. Wasting away in the real world, while the dreamstate fools us into thinking that time is only idly passing by. But we haven't been able to leave.

*He strides into the middle of the group, looking in turn at each of them. The hand holding his pistol twitches and tenses reflexively, down at his hip for now.*

TLTE: Why, you might ask, have we been unable to focus on the task of leaving? Why have we dawdled, incomprehensibly, on the competing definitions of pastry while the greater purpose for being here, in this dreamstate, has eluded us time and time again?

*He stops looking, and smiles to himself.*

TLTE: And the answer, friends, is simple. This dreamstate...this entire subplot...has been nothing more than a last attempt for a dead villain to pull us down with him into his doom. We may have arrived for different reasons, and yes, we will leave with new, fresh objectives in mind. But make no mistake: you have all been manipulated, and are still being manipulated, by the Ever-Ending Plot.

*Silence, and a vague sense of mocking scorn, greets this theory. Undeterred, TLTE pushes on, checking his watch as he does so.*

TLTE: The five of us questing to find Losien: myself, Krig, Cool Matty, Wai and - and Highemp...we encountered the EeP directly. At the time, we thought that we had killed it. But we were wrong. The EeP lingered somehow, as it tends to do, and began a slow process of spreading through their minds. After all, is it not strange that immediately after dealing with our greatest foe - a foe that has been known to favour dominating the wills of its enemies - members of my own crew tried to assassinate me? Me, the puppet whose weakness on the last page of the NeS resulted in Gebohq's eventual triumph?

*He turns, now facing the heroes again.*

TLTE: Krig, I think you were the first to become possessed by the EeP. You left me unguarded on the ship's bow, and then passed it along to Highemp, who similarly walked away from me, leaving me alone. Highemp then would have passed the influence onto Wai, who then attempted to kill me and afterwards blamed Arkng Thand. Later, the effects wore off each of you, and the EeP had chosen its new...permanent...vessel.

Gebohq: Then you could only mean-

TLTE: The man who directly fought the EeP, and was responsible for our victory over it. The man who recommended to me that we secure Highemp, or get rid of him somehow. The man who was the strongest supporter of the "evil writer" theory...and the one man who, if it is even possible, hates me more than the EeP.

*TLTE walks forward, past the onlookers, and stops. Before him, a familiar figure is looking out on the destruction Oktoberfest has wrought...but with a faint smile starting to play across his lips.*

TLTE: Did you think I wouldn't guess, Vinnie? He disappeared from the narrative entirely for the last 4 posts!

*The Ever-Ending Plot turns Cool Matty's body to face them all, grinning widely now.*

Cool Ever-Ending Matty (CEEM): Oh, I thought you might notice. The question remains, however...are you willing to kill an NeS hero to finish me off?

TLTE: To save all of the the rest of us, and to find Losien? Yes, EeP...I am.

*TLTE cocks his gun, and draws a bead on CM's head. The EeP, totally unprepared for this, draws back in a shocked glare of defeat when-*

Wai: SIDEKICK ALERT!!!

*The robot guardian leaps at TLTE, knocking the gun to the side as it fires. TLTE and Wai begin to grapple, as CEEM laughs and darts forward, grabbing Maybechild and pulling out his rusty dagger next to her throat. The heroes pause midway through the act of leaping to her aid.*

CEEM: Hahahah....enjoy the last few minutes of your lives, NeS fools! So says the EeP! PHOENIX GALE!

*Using CM's powers, the EeP projects forth the flaming bird-like creature, which knocks many of the heroes flat and ignites the landscape and surrounding wooden buildings into an inferno. CEEM, still holding Maybechild hostage, uses the distraction to start climbing onto the top of a nearby chalet.*

Gebohq: EeP!!!!

Krig: Krig SMASH wizard puppet!

*Only the great hero of the NeS and his Viking compatriot elude the fire attack, and give chase. Meanwhile-*

TLTE: You don't understand, Wai! It's not Cool Matty! It's the EeP, we have to destroy it!

*TLTE and Wai are still grappling with each other at close range. The pistol is held up between them, neither quite able to turn it towards the other.*

Wai: That is irrelevant...I must protect my friend, possessed or not!

*With devastating skill, he grabs the pistol and crushes it-*

TLTE: HA!

*-giving TLTE the opportunity he needs to clear his sabre. His first slice puts some distance between the two; the second, a broad slash, cuts off Wai's fuel connector to his flamethrower; the third, a hasty stab, is parried by Wai's own sword; but the final blow, a spinning Cossack lunge, evades the robot's defenses and scores a blow to his AllDrive.*

Wai: Error-illegal operation-please insert Disc 1-not compatible with Linux-

*He keels backwards, twitching but incapacitated. TLTE checks him, then looks backward over his shoulder. On the rooftops, Gebohq, Krig, CEEM and Maybechild are all involved in a Mexican standoff.*

TLTE: Time to finish this...

(NSP: I really wanted to finish this little adventure, but I think I covered enough in the post and I don't want to be greedy. Having said that...time for round 2, Cool Matty? )

(NSP: Oh yeah, TLTE, you're goin DOWN!!!! :p )

*Insert battle scene and rest of post here*

Will do tomorrow...

Oktoberfest. The already-badly-damaged ruins are now aflame, turning the dream's landscape into a hellish nightmare. Black clouds cover the sky, which is filled with billowing black smoke. As TLTE leaps through some flames dramatically on his way to confront CEEM, Krig and Gebohq aproach their friend on the roof of the chalet. Below, on the ground, Thrawn42689 and Gebiyl are the first to recover from CM's devestating attack. Haggis, Mimiru, theOtter, Ford, MZZT, and Tony-the-Hero-in-Training begin to stir as well. As TLTE begins to climb the side of the chalet, Krig and Geb lunge at CEEM, who counters with a blast of flame. Krig and Geb are knocked back, off of the roof and down to the ground with the others.

Geb: *cough... cough* Maybechild!

Gebiyl (hurrying over to where Geb is): Are you hurt, Gebohq?

Geb: No... just... wind knocked out... of me.

Gebiyl: That's too bad, Gebohq. It would have made this easier.

Geb: What?

As Gebohq turns and looks at Gebiyl in confusion, Gebiyl pulls out a knife from behind his back and lunges at Gebohq. Geb barely manages to dodge, and scrambles away from Gebiyl.

Geb: What are you doing? I thought you were on our side now!

Gebiyl: You know, Gebohq, it was not too long ago I might have agreed with you. I was foolish. I thought that perhaps I could win the NeS's favour. But I have found a better way!

Gebiyl lunges at Gebohq again, and Geb dives into the dirt to avoid it. He rolls to the side, and scrambles to his feet, still backing away from Gebiyl.

Geb: What are you talking about? Stop trying to kill me!

Gebiyl laughs

Gebiyl: You poor fool. You know, when I trapped your friends in this dreamstate, I had no idea you would pull that stunt with Helebon and cause the whole Never-ending Story to fall into it as well. And I had no idea that doing so would awaken the Ever-ending Plot once more, if only as a half-remembered dream. Reasoning from my limited perspective as I was, I allowed myself to be controlled by events, rather than the other way around.

Geb: Hey, none of us saw that coming! Don't blame yourself! And stop trying to kill me, while you're at it!

Gebiyl slashes at Gebohq with his knife, this time cutting a long gash across his chest. Gebohq jumps back, startled

Geb: Ow!

Gebiyl: If it makes you feel any better, Gebohq, I take no pleasure in killing you. I am not a killer. But unfortunately it is something that must be done...

Geb: ...for the good of the story? That makes no sense! A story needs characters!

Gebiyl: And who said I was doing this for the good of the story, Gebohq? I--OOF!

Just then, a hairy growling Viking smashes into Gebiyl, bowling him over. Krig unleashes a flurry of punches at him, yelling at the top of his lungs.

Krig: YOU! NOT! HURT! KRIG'S! FRIENDS!

Gebiyl covers his face with his hands for a moment, and then suddenly he sinks into the ground and dissapears, leaving Krig beating the holy hell out of nothing but the earth. He gives this up after a few seconds, as it hurts his hands.

Krig: Where bad Geb-hock go?

Even as he is saying the words, a shadow falls from the sky and lands on Krig, crumpling him into the ground and knocking him cold. Gebiyl stands up, facing Gebohq once again.

Geb: Um... uh.... that was... scary...

Gebiyl: Oh, you have no idea how much power I wield now here in the Dreamstate! When Helebon first brought me to NeSquared, I hoped I would be able to kill you and take your sword, thus becoming a Wielder of Story. Even after that upstart Absolver chopped off my hand, I pursued you to the 8th dimension, tracked you to your new base, and enslaved your friends in an attempt to get to you. When the NeS came to me in the Dreamstate, I hoped -- I thought that perhaps I was going to be recognised after all these years, that the NeS would finally give me the honour I so richy deserve for preserving it so long in the ****tered thread. But instead, what did I receive? A slap in the face, an insulting appointment to an inferior position! "Protector of the Plotfractal," pah! The NeS betrayed me! And yet, I did what the NeS asked of me, hoping that my actions would prove my worth. I let you live, I even aided you and your friends in your quest. That is, until I met someone who opened my mind. Someone who showed me the error of my ways, despite his admittedly distasteful goals.

Geb: Uh... you're expositing a whole lot there, buddy. You sure you're okay?

Gebiyl: Ever wonder why that is, Gebohq? Ever wonder why we villians stop just before we kill the hero and explain our entire devious plan to them?

Geb: Uh... villians are stupid?

Gebiyl: No, Geb. It's because Villians are devices of the Plot. As such, it is more important that we strengthen the plot by explaining it fully, than it is that we fullfil our own personal desire of killing the hero. Because in the end, if the plot is strong enough, it can even work against the Writers themselves by trapping them in a corner, by eliminating their options for the story. Control, Geb. That's what it is. Story, that indefinable something that directs the theme and the characters, cannot be controlled, only guided, wielded. Plot can overcome the Story, force it to conform, break it if necessary. Plot gives structure and direction to a story. And he who controls the Plot, controls the story. The problem is that NeS has no plot to speak of. Impossible to control. Or at least, that was the case...

Gebohq gasps as he comes to a sudden realisation.

Geb: You... you've joined the EeP!

Gebiyl: Yes, my slow-witted friend. But don't worry. I intend only to use the plot for the betterment of the story. The two will work in harmony, under my direction!

Geb: It'll never work. The EeP will be defeated just like last time.

Gebiyl: The EeP has more power than you can imagine. And when the EeP finally conquers the NeS, control of the NeS will be mine!

Geb: You've gone crazy. The EeP only wants to destroy the NeS! You'll be killed along with everyone else!

Gebiyl: Ah, yes, but we have defeated the EeP before, have we not? We wielded the Never-ending Story itself and destroyed it just in time. But then the thread was ****tered, and the NeS abandoned me. So you see why I must kill you now. I must be able to wield the NeS. I must take your place as Wielder.

Geb: But I can't wield the story! I lost the NeSword when I came here!

Gebiyl smiles.

Gebiyl: You know, Antestarr was right when he said that the things we'd lost were with us the entire time. It was just that he was not specific enough. They were with me.

From behind his back, Gebiyl pulls out a shining sword, glittering in the firelight. The NeSword. Gebohq stares, speechless.

Gebiyl: And now, Gebohq, I am done with my exposition. You must die.

Yep, that's right folks! A cliffhanger! What will happen to Gebohq? How will he get out of this one? Will he, in fact, get out of this one? What is going on with TLTE and Cool Matty and Maybechild and the EeP in the meantime? And why are none of the other Heroes helping Geb out? Answers to all these questions and possibly less, next time on... uh... crap, brainfreeze. What's my line again?

*In the Writer's Realm, Jim the Writer is about to publish his post when Geb the writer enters.*

Geb the writer: Does that post contain what I think it does?

*Jim the writer quickly clicks "Delete"*

Jim the Writer: What post?

Geb the writer: Uh... nevermind. I have to see about getting the other writers to call off their strike now.

(NSP: I made Jim's post a short story-post. Thanks Jim :))

TLTE: Leave Maybechild out of this, it's just you and me, CEEM...

CEEM: If you wish.

CEEM lifts Maybechild by her colar, and throws her off the side of the chalet. Acting quickly, he fires a net from a special gun, which nets her, and locks her onto the side of a building opposite of the chalet.

CEEM: My turn.

CEEM raises his staff, and spins it rapidly. A whirlwind forms, and suddenly ignites into a blue flame.

CEEM: Let's see your pitiful weapondry deal with this!

TLTE backs up, unsure how exactly to procede. The whirlwind quickly moves across the top of the chalet, threatening TLTE with a windburn.

TLTE: CEEM, your plan shall become a failure! The heroes will win again, and I will do whatever it takes to assure that!

A lightbulb goes on inside TLTE's head. He reaches into his trenchcoat, and pulls out the SuperSoaker 5000. He pumps it to full pressure, and fires.

CEEM: A silly toy is no match for the whirlwind! No stupid toy could produce enough pressure to fight the wind of the mighty... what the?!

TLTE's SuperSoaker 5000 pierces the whirlwind, and destroys the flames. With a pressure reading over 10000psi, TLTE props himself against a side wall, the shear pressure threatening to throw him off the side.

CEEM: How dare you!

The whirlwind dissipates, and the roof falls silent. With the last bits of water dripping from the SuperSoaker, TLTE drops it, and runs at CEEM, pistols a blazin'.

CEEM: Do you take me for a fool? I am not the pitifully stupid and weak CM you fought earlier!

CEEM takes his staff, and whips it around in front of him, deflecting each and every shot of TLTE's pistols. Once their clips are emptied, CEEM runs at TLTE, rusty dagger bared.

TLTE: Come on, CEEM! Just die, and make it easier on yourself!

CEEM swipes at TLTE, but TLTE easily dodges, after years of training, a melee battle is nothing to him. TLTE swings around, using the butt of his pistol as his fist, and aims right for CEEM's head. However, CEEM is no longer there. TLTE freezes in place, and looks around.

CEEM: How many times must I tell you, TLTE? I am not CM, I am the EeP!

TLTE spins on his heel to find CEEM right behind him, already in midthrust with his dagger. TLTE brings his pistol down to block, but is much too slow. The dagger slides into TLTE's chest.

TLTE: AAAGGHHHH!!!!!

Not wasting a moment, CEEM takes his staff, and bashes TLTE on the head. TLTE falls to the ground, bleeding from his chest and head.

TLTE: ughhhhh.........

CEEM: Yet another hero falls. This is much too e... eas.....what is happenin...ing!?!

CM: NO MORE!!!!!!

From the cracks and from under rocks and strewn debris around the new fight scene, a myriad of little red mites appear, and start crawling out. Not too far that their noticed, just far enough to observe the fighting. No one really notices their presence, however, and soon they retreat back into their cover.

At the fight between CM and TLTE, CM, or rather CEEM, or, wait is it CM? Oh, I don't know. At the fight C(random)M is clutching his head in what seems to be pain, and shouting random things. TLTE it still kneeling on the ground, blood slowly dripping from the dagger still in his chest. He seems to be struggling to rise, but his strength has deserted him. Behind TLTE, out of view of him and not noticed by CM, who continues his internal struggle, Maybechild lies tangled in the net on the building. Having given up attempting to escape it, she now lays in it placidly, watching the fight with interest. A little red mite appears from a nearby crack in the building and crawls to her ear. A small voice emanates from this infinitesimal creature.

Mite: Poor, sweet, Maybe, caught in a web. Would that it was mine.

Maybechild: Wha.. what? Huh? Who's there?

She looks around, and completely misses the mite on the wall. After a little bit, she settles back down, writing it off as the wind. Once again, the mite travels up near her ear and speaks.

Mite: As much as I enjoy watching you here, you must return to your friends, Maybe.

Maybe: Who is this! Show yourself!

Mite: Sadly, I cannot do that. Now is not the time. If you need something to focus on, though, here:

A thin red mist slowly comes into begin in front of maybe, making the vague shape of a man. A vaporous arm reaches out for Maybe's shoulder. She cringes back from it.

Maybe: Who... who are you?

Mist: Who am I? I am everything, and nothing, though I don't think that was an answer you wanted. I am... a friend. A very interested friend. Come, we must go.

The mist makes a quick grab for maybe and catcher her arm. After a frozen second of contact, the two disappear. The net sags, now empty. The only sound now is the intermittent yells of CM.

Back at Gebiyl and Gebohq, things aren't going to well. But then again, you already knew that. Gebiyl still has the NeSword raised, but he now pauses before swinging as Geb lifts his head to speak. Maybechild suddenly appears a few inches above a mossy patch of ground nearby and lands with a soft thump, but no one takes notice, involved with their own struggles.

Gebohq: Why, Gebiyl... why?

Gebiyl: What do you mean, why? I just spent an entire post explaining!

Gebohq: No... why must the Eep kill all my friends... all your friends? Why this pain... you have the NeSword, you have the NeS... just go.

Gebiyl: Don't try to stop with your pitiful entreaties to my better side. You have to die, the Eep has shown me the way to power.

Gebohq: Did it really? Think, Gebiyl, what can you really remember? Do you truly believe you can control the Eep?

Gebiyl: ENOUGH! You know your time is at hand, and so, like the coward you always were, you try to prolong it until someone stronger comes to your aid. I won't let victory be taken from me again! Die!

The sword flashes in the sunlight as it falls through a graceful arc. Gebohq lowers his head as the sword sweeps down. In a few seconds, he lifts it again, however, vaguely surprised at the fact that he is still living. What he sees surprises him considerably more. The NeSword has paused in mid-air, halted, somewhat unconventionally, by a naked palm. Gebiyl seems to be struggling with it, trying to force it through the offending hand. His eyes, smoldering with surprise and hate, stare at..... Highemp!? Or is it? It looks like Highemp, but for one thing. An absurdly long mane of unruly, white hair hangs down to his knees. But, that was probably just from spending all that time with Arking Thand, right? Anyway, what is he doing here? Didn't he just- ack!

Gebohq: Highemp! What are you doing here? And what did you do to the narrator?

Highemp: Um... nothing. Nothing at all. I assume he must have bitten his tongue or something.

Liar! You- urk!

Highemp: See? He did it again. Anyway, it seems I’ve arrived in the knick of time, as always.

For the first time, Highemp looks away from Gebiyl, to smile down at Geb, who reciprocates. Gebiyl, however, now looks down at Highemp's unguarded, normal, and seemingly impervious palm.

Gebiyl: How... how can you... how... NO! This... THIS MUST BE SOME TRICK! YOU WILL DIE!

With this, he raises the sword again, and prepares to strike.

Gebiyl: I swear, in the name of the Eep, you will both die!!!

Gebiyl raises the sword once again, begins to swing. Abruptly, a gunshot ****ters his eardrums and he misses by a mile, the sword suddenly shaky in his palms from the sonic shock. He looks over to see Thrawnbot standing behind Maybechild, one hand on her shoulder, pistol pointed toward the ground at his side. Gebiyl glares at the outdated robot, recieves a cold stare in return. Thrawn42689 nods to Highemp.

Thrawn42689: She wants me to save Geb. I'd say it looks like you've got that well under control.

Thrawn42689 runs a fingernail down his cheek. A drop of blood appears and runs earthward along the side of his face. He wipes away the thin trail to reveal unmarked skin, looking perfectly natural and non-synthetic.

Thrawn42689: Appearances can be decieving. Before you continue, I'd like to explain something to your friend.

Thrawnbot walks toward Gebiyl. The other glares at him sullenly. When Thrawn42689 is in range, he swings at his torso with the sword. But as he does so, a toucan shoots past in front of Thrawn42689 and takes the blow. Sqeaking, the two halves of the toucan spin off to parts unknown. Everyone looks sick, save for Thrawn42689 and Gebiyl. Thrawn remains staring at Gebiyl with his cold robot gaze. Gebiyl looks even angrier than before, if that's possible.

Thrawn42689: You see? No matter what you do, you will fail. It's an interesting phenomenon I've discovered during my time here. Our friend here is the perfect example. It's not worth the effort, you know? It's a no-go.

Thrawn42689 looks pointedly at Highemp. The other's eyes flash disturbingly. Thrawn42689 addresses the bearded man.

Thrawn42689: I'm not going to ask you how you did that. I'm not going to ask you how you got here. I'm not going to interfere, unless you ask me to.

Thrawn turns back to Gebiyl. Suddenly, one arm snakes out and clutches Gebiyl's neck. Thrawnbot drives his fist into Gebiyl's stomach with the force of a freight train. Gebiyl coughs flecks of blood onto the robot's face.

Thrawn42689: That was for the toucan. Try not to be an ******* and kill any more, yeah?

Gebiyl: You shall...die...but later. You will *cough* suffer greatly.

Thrawn42689: Did you listen to a word I said? Ah well, perhaps you'll remember one day, thank me for it.

Thrawn42689 turns once again and is in a few brisk strides standing once again behind Maybechild.

Thrawn42689: It's your call, beardy. Yours, Gebiyl. What shall we do?

Highemp: You can start be standing over there, away from her. Freak.

Thrawnbot smirks a robot smirk. The back of a clenched robotic fist is turned to face Highemp. A finger rises in all its majesty, saluting the bearded man with all respect its owner feels Highemp is due for the remark. Before the other can respond, Gebiyl suddenly lunges forward, the sword thrust in front of him.

Gebiyl: BANZAI!

Antestarr observed the carnage about him. Ignoring the plight of Gebohq, he walked over to Krig's unconscious form and procured a small leather pouch. He opened the pouch and poured its contents into his jar, where they seemed to be absorbed into its light.

Ante: Ah, Krig's toenail clipping collection... This should do quite well.

Antestarr then calmly walked to the net, still dangling from the wall where it had so recently kept Maybechild from falling to her doom. Pulling the net down, he placed the end into the jar and watched it contort and shrink into the light.

Ante: A piece of TLTE's spy equipment... not as personal as one of his weapons, but I suppose it'll have to do, considering the time frame we have left...

He then worked his way to a building, still burning blue with the flames from CM's Phoenix Gale. Opening his jar, he managed to catch a spark as it popped off of a wooden beam.

Ante: And finally, the spark of magic... a crude analogy, but it should work. Now, if things work out right, this should manifest itself rather in the near future...

As if in response to Ante's not so inner monologue, giant stones spelling out the word "weren't" fell from the sky. As they slammed into the ground, the world shook and, for just an instant, everything seemed just a bit closer together.

Ante: Wow... NeS just had a contraction... perhaps we have even less time that I expected...

NeS just suffered its first notable contraction! What threat does this pose to our heroes? Will they be able to resolve their differences in time to realize what's going on and/or reach safety? Will Ante actually help someone else out? Find out on our next thrilling post: NeS, Maternity Blues!

Subject to change when applicable. Excludes Alabama and Wisconsin. Void where prohibited.

*Amid the inferno of Oktoberfest, Gebiyl raises himself to his full height, the stolen NeSword gleaming in the reflection of the crimson flames. Gebohq, the weapon's rightful owner, is hunched on the ground and looking worriedly at him. The returned, more hirsute Highemp stands next to Geb, assessing the situation. Maybechild is removed from the standoff, sitting on the sideline in a daze after her previous ordeals. And standing in front of Gebiyl, in solitary challenge, is Thrawn42689.*

Gebiyl: Stand aside, robot, or share Gebohq's doom.

Thrawn42689: Having a defensive armour framework that can withstand the world's most sophisticated and high-tech assault weaponry, I feel reasonably confident that I can fend off a relic from the Iron Age.

Gebohq: No, Thrawn! Get back! It's-

Highemp: Wait, Geb...give him a chance. Thrawnbot might actually pull this off...Gebiyl's physical prowess is a mirror of your own, correct?

Gebohq: Well, yes.

Highemp: Then we'll be fine.

Gebohq: Yeah, I suppose you - HEY!

*In front of them, Gebiyl takes another step forward, raising the NeSword between him and his opponents. It crackles and hums, glowing a faint blue. Thrawn42689 appears unconcerned.*

Gebiyl: Very well. If you will not move, then let me help you!

*He takes a short, measured step, draws back the blade and swings, baseball-bat style, at Thrawn. The robot starts to move, but the NeSword moves much faster than Gebiyl's arms are impelling it, and as if of its own will, it cuts over Thrawn's defensive arm and makes contact with his chest. Instantly, there is a stunning flash of light, and a sound like a thousand thundering cannons; Thrawn42689, his eyes barely starting to widen in shock, is thrown through the clearing, disappearing into the distant flaming landscape. Gebohq, Highemp and Maybechild just stare at the NeSword, eyes wide. Gebiyl, for his part, laughs maliciously.*

Gebiyl: Perfect...this sword is incredible! And now for you, Gebohq...

*He advances on the hero of the NeS, sword spinning...*

-----------------!MEANWHILE!-------------------

*Barely ten feet from the Gebohq/Gebiyl confrontation, on the rooftop of a massive burning chalet, The Last True Evil and the Ever-Ending Plot, residing in Cool Matty's body, face off. TLTE is on his knees, his hands at his sides, CM's rusty dagger embedded in his chest. Various wounds have been inflicted all over his body: a variety of slash wounds and burn scorches, as CM favours. The EeP itself is besieged: facing an internal struggle with his host body's own presence.*

CEEM: No! This life is mine! MINE! Let...me...finish him!!!

*He thrashes about wildly. One of TLTE's hands slowly reaches to his chest, enclosing around the dagger; but the strength once again leaves him, and TLTE slumps onto his side, unable to move. Below him, he can just make out Gebohq, but even his friend's turmoil cannot inspire him to save himself.*

CEEM: Damn you, Cool Matty! Arrgghhh....

*The wretched form of CM writhes and shakes, as if being pulled by invisible strings in all directions. But neither of the combatants is able to take advantage of the helplessness of the other, and TLTE sinks deeper and deeper into the depths of his mind.*

TLTE's Internal Monologue: By Gorbachev's ghost, I think this is the end for me...again...goodbye, Gebohq...Krig...Narrator...

*Farewell. Oh, sorry-*

TLTE's Internal Monologue: ...Semievil...Antestarr...Losien...Losien...Losien...LOSIEN...

*The memory of TLTE's quest - the memory of his love - returns to him, and instantly does what nothing else could for him. He pushes himself, slowly, onto his feet, standing tentatively first, then with confidence. The rusty dagger comes out of his chest, slowly but with little pain: he tosses it out, away and into the distance.*

TLTE: MAGELING!

*CEEM convulses suddenly, on the spot; and when he turns around, the presence of Cool Matty is entirely gone.*

CEEM: Thank you. Not really the smartest move on your part, but I appreciate it anyway. He really hates being called that, doesn't he?

TLTE: Enough to leave me alone with you, yes.


-----------------!AT THE SAME TIME!-------------------


*Down below, Gebohq, Highemp and Gebiyl are all embroiled in what boils down to a rather complicated and high-risk game of tag. Gebiyl is 'it', and runs after both of them, who do their best to stay out of the glowing blade's path.


Gebiyl: STOP MOVING SO I CAN KILL YOU!

*The dastardly anti-hero illustrates this point with a broad overhead chop, which Gebohq evades by breaking into a sideways roll. Gebiyl gives chase, spinning the sword above his head and using the momentum to arc the blade down at Geb's retreating form-*

Highemp: NEVER!

*The now-bearded hero leaps in at the last moment, his boot landing on Gebiyl's wrist and forcing the blade down into the ground. There is another flash/explosion, and the three of them are each thrown backwards. Gebiyl focuses, and the blade in his hand suddenly halts his flight in mid-air, allowing him to touch down safely onto the floor. Highemp's trajectory is low and short, and he hits the ground, bouncing and tumbling until coming to a rest on the side of a wall, temporarily unconscious. Gebohq is launched into the side of the chalet, smashing through a wooden support as he does so. He lies there on the floor, stunned, as a shadow floods over him.*

Gebiyl: Quite the remarkable sword you have here. Did it always do the flash-fire explosion trick, or have I unlocked an Easter Egg in its design?

Gebohq: ...go to Hell...

Gebiyl: Well, I tell you what: why don't we put it to a vote. Clearly, I vote you go to Hell; and we've heard your vote. NeSword, what do you think?

*The tip of the blade, forced by Gebiyl, points menacingly at the bridge of Gebohq's nose. Gebiyl's eyes narrow, and a smile crosses his face.*

Gebiyl: Well, it would appear that we have a winner.

*He brings the blade back, and slashes - but Gebohq pushes hard against the chalet, falling onto his back as he slides through Gebiyl's legs. Frustrated, the evil Geb spins, giving chase as Gebohq runs down the side of the chalet. Gebiyl screams in frustration, cutting and slashing at his enemy - but a lifetime of running away serves Gebohq well, and all Gebiyl hits is the chalet itself...*

-----------------!JUST THAT MINUTE!-------------------


*TLTE and CEEM stand apart atop the desecrated chalet, the wind sending the Russian's spy overcoat billowing into the wind.*

CEEM: I have no more words for you, TLTE. You were just a pawn to use to help me destroy the NeS and Gebohq, and you couldn't even do that right. A worthless disciple of a weak man is what you are; beneath my condescension, and not worth the effort that it would take to destroy you!

TLTE: 'Worthless disciple' or not, I will not let you go now. Too many have suffered as a result of your actions, and you cannot be allowed to escape here to wreak havoc again...

*Beneath them, the chalet groans and shudders, the fire beneath them taking its toll. A side window blasts outwards with explosive flame, the dying light curling up into the dark clouds overhead.*

TLTE: But before this inevitably ends in bloodshed, a final question: why did you kidnap Losien? What nefarious purpose of yours sees her imprisoned on Jupiter?

*The EeP, nestled safely now in CM's body, stares at TLTE for a moment. Then it throws his head back and laughs.*

CEEM: Oh, you poor, misguided fool...I am afraid that I have nothing to do with that particular incident.

TLTE: What?!

CEEM: Indeed. Gebohq's sister is being held captive by another: like me, he has spent most of his time in the shadows, plotting and amassing his forces, although unlike me he doesn't seek to destroy this story and everything in it.

*CEEM steps forward, drawing out the Staff of Kings again.*

CEEM: Jupiter holds nothing but sadness and loss for you, TLTE, no matter how it plays out...though in a few moments, you won't have to worry about that, or indeed anything else, ever again.

*TLTE grimaces, his thoughts abruptly brought to the present. With a flourish, he draws his steel sabre, pointing it in challenge.*

TLTE: Very well, EeP...let us finish this now!

*They charge at each other, shouting a prolonged battle-cry at each other as they do so, each step marked by the windows below them blasting outward with incredible force. The two leap together, the sound of their weapons meeting overpowering even the fiery maelstrom around them, forcing them into a deadlock, a test of strength, of will-*

-----------------!THEN!-------------------

Gebiyl: HA!

*He jumps forward, his heel hitting Gebohq's back and forcing him staggering forward. Gebiyl closes the gap-*

Gebiyl: Now I have you!

*He strikes - just as Gebohq instinctively ducks his head down, sending the NeSword careening through the last support pillar, ****tering it entirely. Gebiyl prepares to attack again, but an ominous rumbling and sudden darkness halt his progress.*

Gebiyl: Oh no.

*Both Gebs slowly, deliberately look up...*

-----------------!AS!-------------------

*TLTE and CEEM, their weapons forced against each other, faces hard and glaring at each other, both sense the danger at the same time. They then have a brief second of comprehension-*

TLTE: Oh-

EeP: Shi-

*-as the ground beneath their feet gives way, and in a sudden rush of sound, light and flame, the huge chalet is levelled, and utterly collapses.*

Then, they all got hit by a truck and died. The End

-Sorry, couldn't help myself :). My english professor always tells us that that's a good way to end long stories.

However, since "They" in this case referred to the cast of Cheers, and not the NeS Heroes, it was all good. Except for those people who enjoyed Cheers.

(A post by Geb and Krig)

Large manifestations of words such as "won't" and "I'm" and "y'all" continue to drop from the sky more frequently, and everytime the fighting appears to pick back up, the ground shakes, mostly in synch with the contractions. Then, abruptly, a large tidal wave of water washes over everyone, extinguishing the roaring flames and leaving Oktoberfest a charred mess.

Ante: Looks like the NeS's water broke.

Antestarr sips from his beer with most everyone else, sitting at a nearby table. They watch with distant interest at the fighting that was taking place. Highemperor (who's really Bhac in disguise, dear confused readers) crawls to a seat by the table.

Highemp: Ow...

Tony: Maybe we should do something to help?

Everybody at the table laughs

Haggis: That's funny...

Otter: You're such a newb.

The jar of light Antestarr holds jumps violently out of his hands and explodes. The light then coaleses to reveal...

Ford: Could it be...?

Qhobeg: An angel?

Mimiru: Don't be stupid, Qhobeg. Angels don't come out of jars.

MZZT: It's a bird!

Ahnuld: It's a plane!

Maybe: You two just said that to have lines, didn't you?

Ahnuld and MZZT hang their heads in shame.

Geb (still bald and shirtless revealing a hairy chest): Oh no, it's the real Superman!

No no no.... it's the birth of the Blank Character! Glowing light surrounds and obscures the small figure, who stands before the Heroes passively. It lifts an arm and waves.

Blank Character: Hello.

Ante: Hi there.

Maybechild: Um... hi.

Krig (coming to): Ughhh... Krig head hurt.

Tony: Who are you?

Blank Character: I don't know. Who am I?

Otter: If I'm lucky you're a hot chick...

Blank Character: I am female, then.

Every so subtly, the glowing figure seems to take on a more female form.

"Highemp": What is your name, stranger?

Blank Character: Am I strange? I do not know. I am young.

Otter: 'Ey, Young, how 'bout me and you -- OW!

Maybe (holding random frying pan innocently): Don't mind him. He's just an idiot.

Young: I don't mind him. He is an idiot.

Otter: Hey now...

Ante: Not to interrupt, but we could use your help, Young.

Young: Yes?

Ante: Y'see, one of our friends has been possesed by the Ever-ending Plot, and now a burning chalet has collapsed upon them.

Young: You wish me to rescue them?

Ante: Actually, I was kinda hoping you could kick the EeP out of Cool Matty and then rescue them. The EeP is evil.

Young: I should be opposed to the EeP?

Otter, Haggis, Ford, MZZT, and Maybe: YES!

Young: You have suffered because of the EeP?

Maybe: All of the NeS has suffered at its hands. If it is allowed to survive and escape the Dreamstate, the suffering will begin again.

Young: I do not want you to suffer. I will help.

The glowing figure lowers her head and seems to close her eyes. Behind her, in the rubble of the chalet, an unearthly scream is heard coming from CM. A dark shadow rises up, and the whole Dreamstate ripples. Moments later, a blackened TLTE climbs out of the rubble, dragging an unconcious CM with him. Mimiru and Subaru rush to his side, and help him with CM, as TLTE collapses from exhaustion and a gaping chest wound. Nearby, another figure emerges from the rubble, and stumbles over to where the Heroes are.

Maybe: Geb!

Geb (in wonderment): What... what is this? A Character born purely of Story?

Maybe: Wait... you're not Gebohq!

Geb looks at Maybe. He bares his teeth in a feral approximation of a smile.

Geb: Gebohq lives no longer. All that remains is... Gebiyl!

Ante: You *******!

Ante lunges at Gebiyl, as do several others. Gebiyl swings the NeSword at him, and a violent explosion of light is unleashed, sending Ante and others flying. Gebiyl turns and looks again at Young.

Gebiyl: And you... who are you? You fascinate me.

Maybe: Don't listen to him, Young! He is evil too!

Gebiyl: I am no more evil than you are, Maybechild, or you, Young.

Young: Then I am evil?

Maybe: No, Young, you are not evil! Don't listen to this man!

Gebiyl: All I have done, Maybechild, I have done for the good of the Story! Don't you understand that?

Maybe: You sided with the EeP! The EeP's whole purpose is to destroy the NeS!

Gebiyl: The EeP is nothing but a tool to me, to be used and discarded when the time is right. The Story -- urk --

Abruptly, Gebiyl jerks and his eyes become unfocused. He staggers for a moment, before regaining his composure. He looks back at Young, his expression now a malevolent glower, angry and hate-filled.

Gebiyl: You -- you are a wrench in plans! I will not stand for it!

Young: You are not yourself.

Maybe: The EeP! It's possessed him!

Young (sounding afraid): What do I do, Maybechild?

Gebiyleep: You die!

Gebileep slashes the NeSword at her, and there is a bright flash of light. When the flash fades, Young is still there.

Gebiyleep: What? This is impossible! You should be dead!

Young: Your sword does not want to harm me.

Gebiyleep: Fine! I have enough other stolen trinkets to easily defeat you! Stay there!

Gebiyleep runs away around the corner of a charred building. Young stands there, glowing, unformed.

Maybe: Quick, let's get out of here!

Ford: We cannot flee. The EeP controls the Dreamstate now -- anywhere we go the EeP will be able to find us.

Krig: We stay and smash!

Maybe: How? We barely defeated it last time, and nobody but Geb knows how!

Ante: The New Character is the key.

Ante climbs over some rubble and returns to the group, looking disheveled.

Young: I am?

Ante: Yes. It's not a coincidence that she was born at this crucial time. Young, you are the one who is going to banish the NeS's nightmare.

Young: But how?

Ante: We need to give you form, structure. Already you have been given many things from us Characters -- Gebohq's will to live from his kidney, the wistfulness of a jellybean from the Jellybean Pony, the sensitivity of Thrawn42689's skin, the culture of Cooked Haggis' mustache, the sobriety of Otter's liver, the beauty and protectiveness of Maybechild from her hair, equality to the epic nature of Jim Seven from his rib, the toughness and strangeness of Krig's toenail collection, the resourcefullness of TLTE's spy gadgetry, the magic of Cool Matty, and the... uh... "blue" of Ahnuld. But there is much yet to be determined. Your form and shape can only be determined by us, the Characters. The Otter has already determined your gender, we must quickly equip you with the other basics before Gebiyl and the EeP return. For instance, I say you are human being with a real body!

The glow surrounding Young fades, revealing an attractive human female with startling blue eyes and soft curly blue hair.

Otter: Blimy...

Maybe: Uh, you also need clothes!

Young is wearing a white toga.

Otter: Bloody hell! Why'd you do that?

Maybe threatens Otter with the frying pan.

Qhobeg: You should probably have some guns if you want to defeat the EeP.

Young hoists a gold-engraved pistol in one hand.

Young: How do I use this?

Otter: Just point and pull the trigger, luv.

Ford: I say you need --

Just then, a shadow flits over the group and they all look up. To their horror, Gebiyl flaps there, suspended on some rather demonic-looking wings.

Qhobeg: Hey! Those are Jim's wings!

Haggis: Say, where is Jim, anyway?

Qhobeg: He said he was bored and left.

Haggis: Oh.

Gebiyleep: Bwahahahaha! Now you shall die, you abberation!

Gebiyleep points CM's staff at Young menacingly. He is wearing Krig's helmet, Otter's sunglasses, and has Haggis' waiter towel draped over one arm. Maybechild's lute is strapped to his back, and he has a satchel at his side bulging with other items. He glows with a faint red aura.

Ahnuld: Hey! That's my red!

A blast of magical energy slams into the ground as Young just barely dodges out of the way in a manner reminicient of Geb. Gebiyleep fires another and another, and Young runs to stay out of the way.

Krig: Lady need shield!

Young grips a large Viking shield in her left hand, deflecting one of the magical blasts (unfortunately into Otter, who is set on fire and runs around yelling "Bloody hell I'm on fire!"). She fires the pistol up at Gebiyl, but his demon-wings give him too much manouvreability. He dodges them all.

Gebiyleep: Wench! I-oof!

Just then, two unidentified people slam into Gebiyleep, dragging him to the ground. Overhead, a helicopter hovers, piloted by a friendly-looking Santa Claus.

Maybe: Mark Hamill and Mr. T! I thought you guys had left!

Mr. T: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, foo'? We ain't gonna leave no heroes in they hour o' need!

Mark Hamill: Yeah, we're apparently the key to your success, remember?

Ford: Yeah, I never did understand that part...

Ante: Nevermind that now! The EeP is down! Get him, Young!

Young stands over Gebiyl, pointing her pistol at his head. She hesitates, though, and doesn't shoot him.

Young: If I shoot, I will kill them both...

Otter: Well no great bloody loss -

Ahnuld: Hey! What did Gebiyl ever do to you?

Maybe: No, you won't, Young. Shooting Gebiyl will only cause the EeP to seek another avatar.

Young: Then what do I do?

Gebiyleep: This one is mine! You cannot remove me! The Dreamstate gives me complete control!

Young hesitates, apparently thinking.

Young: This Dreamstate -- it is a nightmare of the NeS?

Ante: Yes. The Ever-ending Plot you see here is but a figment of the bad dream the Never-ending Story is having.

Young: Then it is simple. To finish this, we must wake up the NeS.

Ford: Simple. Right.

Gebiyleep: That will solve nothing! It is foolishness! Foolishness, I tell you!

Young: You will stay here, Gebiyl. I will bind you here so that the EeP cannot escape.

Gebiyleep: Nooo! Foolish wench! I will burn your eyes from your sockets! I will tear your skin from your flesh! I will--

Young closes her eyes and bows her head, and amidst Gebiyleep's ravings, the Dreamscape begins to shudder and quake like a living thing, rolling over, spasming and rocking back and forth. The charred scenery of Oktoberfest fades away into the bland dark nothingness of the raw Dreamstate, and a rumble pervades everything. The world begins to fade...

Ford: Amazing! She's done the equivilant of pinching yourself in a dream in order to wake up! Only she's pinched the NeS itself!

Haggis: What kind of crackpot analogy is that? How can you "pinch" a metaphysical concept?

Ford: Hey, who's the one that's spent his entire life studying the supernatural and flaky crackpot ideas, huh? I think I know what I'm talking about!

Otter: I'm glad we're waking up -- I've got to go to the loo like you wouldn't believe...

And the world fades to black...

---------------------------IN THE 8TH DIMENSION------------------------------

The creepy basement complex of the Haunted Hall of Heroes. A large, mad-scientist-looking machine takes up a large portion of the space. Chained down, with complicated-looking helmets strapped to their heads, are Ford, MZZT, and Qhobeg. Nearby lie Ahnuld, Thrawn42689, and the Jellybean Pony, and nearby them lie TLTE, Cool Matty, Mimiru, Subaru, and Wai. Suddenly, they all gasp and open their eyes.

Everone slowly sits up, rubbing their heads and looking groggy.

Qhobeg: Man, that was a trip!

Ford: Yeah, I'll say.

CM: Hey, is everybody all right?

Mimiru: Matty! You're awake!

Thrawn42689: Ow, my head...

Ahnuld: Hey... where's Geb?

Ford: Not sure. He wasn't here when we went into the Dreamstate.

Ahnuld: Aw, nuts. I forgot, I'm supposed to kill him.

TLTE: What?

Ahnuld: I'm a robot from the future. I was sent back in time to kill Gebohq. It is my programming.

MZZT: Hey, yeah, you guys were the ones who helped Gebiyl ambush us and trap us in that stupid Dreamstate!

Thrawn42689: So?

CM: So? So we're gonna have to dish out some vigilante justice, that's what!

Mimiru: Hey -- where's Gebiyl?

Everyone looks around, but there is no sign of the evil crazy corrupted version of Gebohq.

Ford: That can't be good...

Just then, the door opens and Antestar walks in, followed by a svelt-looking Young, still holding her gun and shield.

Ante: Hey guys.

Young: Hi.

TLTE: Antestarr! Where were you?

Ante: Oh... around. Somewhere.

Thrawn42689: ARRR! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

And a big brawl breaks out between Thrawn42689, Ahnuld, and the others. Meanwhile, in a desolate part of the woods, around a campfire that's long gone cold, lie three bodies -- Krig, Cooked Haggis, and the Otter. They all awaken at the same time.

Otter: GANGWAY FOR THE BATHROOM!!!

As Otter runs into the woods, Krig and Haggis sit up.

Krig: Krig have funny dream. Way-ter man was in it, and Geb-hock, and evil Geb-hock, and...

Haggis: I think we all had that dream, Krig. That was sort of the whole point.

Krig: You have funny dream too?

Haggis: Yes, you barbarian imbecile, we all had the same bloody dream.

Krig: Hahaha! You funny!

Haggis: Ohh, I'm bloody glad someone finds it bloody amusing.

Just then Otter returns to the clearing, followed by Maybechild.

Otter: 'Ey, look what I found!

Maybechild: You're just lucky you didn't do what you were about to do. I was standing right there!

Otter: Oh come on, luv, you just -- ACK!

Otter falls to the ground, a Maybechild-sized fist imprint on his face.

Maybechild: Pervert. Now let's find the others!

As Maybechild and the others set off into the woods (dragging Otter with them), there is but one Hero left unnacounted for. One Hero, whom the others presume to be dead. One Hero, awakening in the sweltering hot darkness of a demonic prison cell...

Gebohq: Ughhh... Where am I? Hello? Maybechild? Ante? Anybody?

Helebon: Gebohq. I see you are awake...

DUN DUN DUUUNN!!!

Thrawn42689 strides to the wall, with a determined expression and various NeS heroes clinging to his body. They pound away at whatever they can, their telling blows being rewarded with a shudder from the robot. Thrawn42689 places his hands on the wall and rams his head into it. A metallic clang pierces the air, and everyone stops for a moment and looks at him.

Young: You have produced a noise rather high in volume.

Ahnuld: WHAT?

Young's voice booms out as if from a speaker at a rock concert.

Young: YOU HAVE PRODUCED A NOISE RATHER HIGH IN VOLUME.

TLTE: Aaagggh, my ears!

Ahnuld: Be quieter!

Young's voice switches to just barely a whisper.

Young: I'm sorry. Is this better?

Ahnuld: Nevermind. Where's Jellybean Pony?

Jellybean Pony:

Ahnuld: Okay, okay. Help me kill Geb or something, okay?

Jellybean Pony:

Ahnuld: Aw, be that way.

Young: Sir, you seem to have grabbed hold of my--

MZZT: Yaaaghhhhhh!!!

MZZT leaps upon Ahnuld, and the two roll around on the floor while Jellybean Pony looks bemusedly at them. TLTE looks at Thrawn42689, still leaning against the wall.

TLTE: Are you crying?

Thrawn42689 spins around, breathing heavily.

Thrawn42689: ROBOTS DON'T CRY!

TLTE: Good, then I won't feel bad about this.

TLTE produces a revolver and fires it into Thrawn42689's neck. The other sinks, coughing, to the floor.

Thrawn42689: F*** you...

Young: Violence is commonplace in this dimension...perhaps I can rectify this situation. Is he dead?

Young points at Thrawn42689, who starts to chuckle. That makes blood dribble out of his mouth, so he stops.

Thrawn42689: I've died so many times, I don't care anymore. There's nothing for me here...anymore...

The robot coughs again and goes limp.

Qhobeg: Robots don't bleed!

MZZT: Yeah, but what are you going to do? Oof!

Ahnuld lands a kick in MZZT's stomach. The hero rolls off of him and lies on his back for a moment. TLTE aims his gun at Ahnuld's head and gets one of those crazy berserker looks on his face.

Qhobeg: Do Russians do berserker?

TLTE: You are captured! Surrender to the forces of Good!

Ahnuld: Never!

TLTE tries to pistol-whip Ahnuld into submission. MZZT assists with a stick he got from Young.

Ahnuld: Ow, ow, ow! You guys suck! Help me, Jellybean Pony!

Jellybean Pony makes one of those weird horse noises and kicks TLTE in the back. The Russian topples over, stunned. MZZT turns angrily on the little horse.

MZZT: Hey, you wanna start something?

Jellybean Pony casts a disdainful eye over MZZT's stick and posturing. He straightens up, as if preparing for something. Then he opens his mouth. Out pours a rich, deep Bostonian accent.

Jellybean Pony: Hey mac, you watch your tone.

Everyone stares in stunned silence, barring Young who just looks perplexed. Jellybean Pony bends down and Ahnuld climbs onto his back.

Ahnuld: Hee hee! Pony!

Ahnuld's face falls as his eyes fall upon the bloodied Thrawn42689, still lying facedown on the floor.

Ahnuld: Poor guy. Maybe he's okay. Now, to kill Geb!

Jellybean Pony rises into the air and begins to rocket around in a tight circle, leaving a donut-shaped dust cloud in the middle of the room. In his final pass, Jellybean Pony zips past Young and straight up, smashing through the ceiling with a crash.

Young: Whoop!

Mimiru: You know, you really shouldn't put up with that.

Young: I shouldn't? Okay.

Young's eyes burn.

Young: That ***hole.

CoolMatty: Look, TLTE...about what happened.

TLTE: Don't worry about it.

Krig: Krig bored! It no fun without nice robots.

TLTE: Um...

MZZT: Let's just see where we are, and if we can't find the others.

CoolMatty: Yeah, MaybeChild won't be able to keep them out of trouble forever.

That last, of course, provokes a slight reaction to he who had nothing to live for. TLTE kicks him once more, as they file out of the room.

TLTE: Прощальный друг.

Thrawn42689: I...know where Geb is.

TLTE: WHAT?

Thrawn42689's voice is muffled by blood and the stone floor. He speaks haltingly, drawing each breath as though it was his last.

Thrawn42689: I can...see him. He moves closer. Or perhaps I do. Everything is different here...

TLTE: Guys, get back here!

TLTE rushes up the stairs leading out of the room, up a seemingly endless spiral staircase. Eventually, he reaches a great open hallway. Familiar, but empty.

TLTE: Well, that answers one question anyway. HELLO?

No answer.

TLTE: Yes, I think I can gather that much on my own, thank you very much.

TLTE turns and runs back down the staircase. He finds Thrawn42689 on his back, his eyes wide and pupils contracted to dots.

Thrawn42689: My God...it's him. You *******, I'll KILL YOU!

TLTE: Me?

Thrawn42689 continues, seeming not to have heard TLTE. The Russian feels something warm and wet land with a plop on his back. He reaches his fingers to the point of impact, sees blood on them. He looks up to see spots of blood dotting the ceiling. Thrawn42689 is propped up on his elbows now, staring at the ceiling in horror. His breath comes in sharp gasps.

Thrawn42689: You can't...you won't! If you touch her...NO!

A dark mist swirls about Thrawn42689's eyes, threatening to consume what little life remains. His chest collapses under an invisible weight, a steel-gray tie flopping to one side. His elbows give, and his head hits the ground with a crack. TLTE, panicked, pushes his hand into the area above Thrawn42689. He stiffens as he feels a force of evil greater than anything before flow across his hand, pushing from all directions. He withdraws his hand with an effort, staring in horror at Thrawn42689's eyes.

TLTE: Wait! Geb! Where's Geb? Say something, you wretched prosthetic fool!

Suddenly, points of blinding white light appear in the center of Thrawn42689's eyes. They emanate a kind of strength at least equal to that of the evil enveloping Thrawn42689, slowly crushing his soul. The points grow larger, larger still. Beams of white light shine from the robot's eyes. He is lifted into the air like a hanging Salem marionette, the light growing stronger still. TLTE squeezes his eyes shut and turns away from the blinding glow despite himself. A booming voice shatters the utter, oppressive silence TLTE hadn't noticed was there.

Voice: THIS ONE SHALL LIVE.

A second voice comes, this one the high panicked shriek of an enraged, impotent villain. TLTE knows the type.

Voice 2: SHE IS MINE! HE WILL DIE, SLOWLY! PAINFULLY!

The first voice softens, the tone turns almost condescending. TLTE opens his eyes and sees that the walls of the room have begun to glow a faint off-white, a hint of yellow casting colored light across the faces of TLTE and Thrawn42689.

Voice: You cannot win this war, Bhac. We are equal in strength but the will of this one, the will to live is match enough for you. He shall live.

Voice 2: NO! NO!! NOOOOO!!!!

There is an enourmous flash of light, a tsunami of black smoke, and a concussive explosion that sends bits of masonry flying every which way. As TLTE is flung sideways, he catches a glimpse of Thrawn42689 dropping to the floor, still surrounded in a white glow--

TLTE's head hits the wall, and everything is plunged into blackness.

And in teh secret base of Jim7 the screams of 389572875123567463546329857643257 souls are heard

Jim7: It was only a nightmare...

Tony: Is something wrong boss?

Jim7: No, just a nightmare... reminding me of the truth... I am not Lucifer... well I am... but I am also not... it's complicated...

Tony: this is confusing me...

Jim7: Let me explain... Long ago on a standard posession I found a person I liked alot... looked just like me only human, when it came time for him to actually meet me I offered him a deal, I could give him all my powers and memories but he would have to take my job... he agreed... and ever since then I, Lucifer, became Jim7, leader of the Sevenicci crime family.

Tony: so that explains the whole crimelord thing...

Jim7: Yes... but it also confuses me sometimes... since I have the memories of 2 minds in one mind

Tony: sounds like some deep internal conflict

Jim7: not really much conflict since both minds tend to agree on alot of stuff... more like a small identity crisis

OK... I'M CONFUSED... TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE CONFUSING STUFF...

(NSP: The following is a proxy post from Highemperor.)

In a time and place far removed from the other heroes, a castle floats in a dark sky filled with stars and nebulae, black holes and quasars. Wicked towers and soaring ogees buttress the citadel, which conveniently has a spooky soundtrack playing through it, coming out of the very walls in a susurrus of maddening siren screams. The fortress towers up legions in the sky, and fathoms below into quarries of hovering rock.

On the edge of a balcony before a ebony gate, a form stirs. The form is wracked with age, wrinkles lining the skin, long fingernails curling into claws, long waves of white foam spilling down its back, partially concealing a tattered black cape, which itself covers a black tunic and trousers with red sash and shades sharply blue eyes, which are just now beginning to flutter
open.

Highemperor: Ughhhhhh... where am I?

A booming voice answers him.

Booming Voice: Beyond the threshold of life and the pale of eternity.[/b]

Highemp: *struggling against the force of his age and his weakness to sit up* Impossible. There is nothing beyond eternity.

Booming Voice: Then consider yourself to have passed beyond the realms of the possible.[/b]

Highemp: *looking up* What? But- Morthrandur!

The Sepulchral Phantom, clad in night-blue robes and swathed in the depths of the darkness of the purest soul, bows his(?) hooded head.

Morthrandur: Yes, Highemperor. You are in *unintelligible whisper* ...[/b]

Highemp, however, seems to understand exactly what Morthrandur has said, and shudders.

Highemp: But how... did I get here? I was dying...

Morthrandur waits, silently, a ghost of another realm, and of a sudden, Highemperor remembers.

Highemp: I died with a prayer on my lips. Because I had lived in dreams too long, I ... *bowing his head into a bare whisper* I cried out for a place beyond the shimm'ring veil of even the eternity I knew face-to-face.

Morthrandur: And your cry pierced that veil.[/b]

Highemp: Bringing me here... But why am I so aged and weak?

Morthrandur: You spent all your power... reservoirs of power placed in you by your writer long ago that not even you knew you had... getting here, coming here to a place where you do not belong.[/b]

Highemp: And you? How did you get here?

Morthrandur: *his voice becoming a susurrus of deadly whispers* I am the agent of Forever.[/b]

Highemp stares into the void beneath Morthrandur's hood for a moment, as though trying to penetrate the darkness there.

Highemp: And what of the others? The other heroes? writers? worlds?

Morthrandur: They are not of Forever, as you and I are.[/b]

Highemp: You're good at giving me a bare minimum of information, aren't you?

Morthrandur says nothing, silent.

Highemp: Who do I face in this castle... this Forever?

Morthrandur: *after a long hesitation* ... Yourself.[/b]

And with that, the Sepulchral Phantom is gone in a wash of shadow and fire.

-----

(NSP: Okay, guys, this is a new sub-story arc I've started for Highemp. I'll be continuing it shortly. If you want to help or have some ideas, just email me at xerahchild@mailstation.com Thanks!)

(NSP: And now a post, by me!)

Helebon: Did you sleep well?

Geb: Well now that you mention it, not really...

Helebon: Good. While you were out for the past few weeks, I took advantage of your unconscious state and imprisoned you.

Geb: This looks a lot like my room back at the old Hall of Heroes.

Helebon: That would be because I took control over the world as well. I decided your former "Hall of Heroes" would make a nice base of operations on my part.

Geb: Well that's not very nice...

Helebon: You're not quite as... angry as I was hoping.

Geb: That might be in part due to me feeling the effects of not having eaten in several weeks.

Helebon: There's some stale bread next to you. You can drink from the toilet.

Geb: Thanks. *starts eating the bread*

Helebon: No problem--wait, what?

Geb: ...thanks?

Helebon: You're suppose to curse me, damnit!

Geb: Would you like a hug?

Helebon: Stop mocking me!

Geb: But I'm not...

Helebon: You don't hug demons, you fool!

Geb: I blame my foolery on just waking up. I don't reason well in the morning... it is morning, right?

Helebon: We'll see how smart you want to be when I torture you later!

Helebon then storms away. Gebohq continues to eat his stale bread in his now-ruined-turned-hellish-bare-prison-cell, still groggy and somewhat confused (the latter seems to be his natural state of mind, doesn't it?)

OH NOS! Helebon's taken over the earth? Geb imprisoned? What will happen? Keep reading to find out, here on NeSquared: Hell on Earth?

(NSP: I highly request that neither anybody "suddenly find out" that Geb is alive and imprisoned by Helebon (they should worry that he died in the dream or at least has gone missing) nor have Geb be sprung/escape from his imprisonment. The conflict in this storyarc should be the heroes discovering (naturally, please no "a birdy told them" stuff) that Helebon has taken over the world and go to stop him once and for all, NOT a mission to rescue Geb. Not yet, at the very least. They should worry and pine and have internal conflicts about Geb possibly being gone forever and all first. Heck, maybe the rest of the heroes have a picnic in the 8th dimension first...)

(NSP: Geb, not putting a smiley does suddenly make you more subtle... :P)

*As the commotion died down in the Haunted Basement of the Haunted Hall of Heroes, Antestarr whipped out what appeared to be a wicker basket.*

Ford: Uh-oh, is this another one of your strange contraptions?

Ante: No, actually I figured since we're all probably very hungry and it's a beautiful 8th dimensiony day outside, we could go on a picnic in the woods...

Ahnuld: Hooray! A picnic!

MZZT *pointing at TLTE and Thrawn42689*: But what about these two?

Ante: We can just tie them to the Jellybean Pony.

*The Jellybean Pony shot Ante a glare that could turn hot chocolate syrup to normal chocolate syrup.*

Ahnuld *patting Jellybean Pony on the neck*: There, there... it'll be fine. It's not like they'll start fighting on your back...

Ante *producing a green checked gingham dress*: One other thing. I think this dress would be fitting for Young on our picnic.

*Young began to remove her toga in the middle of the room.*

Subaru *quickly grabbing Young and leading her towards the door*: Actually, how about Mimiru and I help you out with that... you know, away from prying eyes.

*With that, Subaru, Mimiru, and Young headed out of the basement, leaving the men behind. Upstairs, they worked their way to one of the unclaimed bedrooms and began helping Young change her clothes.*

Subaru: You know, Young, you really shouldn't change clothes in front of just anybody. A proper woman should be more modest.

Young: Be modest...

Mimiru: Absolutely. You can't go tearing your clothes off in front of just any guys.

Young: But they did not seem to mind. In fact, a few seemed to want me to continue.

Mimiru: Yes, well, you can't just give people whatever they want. Especially not lecherous little guys like them.

Young *looking towards the floor*: So, I should not give them what they want... but would that not make them unhappy?

Subaru *taking Young's hands and crouching down to look her in the eyes*: Well, it's not quite like that. If you give people whatever they want, they will become complacent and greedy, seeking to use you simply to further their desires or perhaps just their egoes. However, if you completely ignore people, they could very well abandon you. You have to find a way to help people to achieve their greater dreams, rather than simply fulfilling their wants of the moment. Pick and choose when to give, when to help, and when to ignore. I'm sure you'll understand it all better as you meet more people...

Young: I... I see. Thank you.

-------

*Fifteen minutes later, everyone had gone out and found a suitable clearing in the woods to have a picnic. TLTE and Thrawn42689's bodies were strapped to the Jellybean Pony as it nibbled on grass and the occasional slice of cake. The others sat around on various blankets munching on sandwiches and potato salad.

A small brown rabbit sat beside a tree, watching the various people eating and cutting up. Young walked over to the rabbit and bent down to look at it. As she offered the rabbit half of a sandwich, its mouth grew to comical size and enveloped her hand. It slid off, leaving her hand, but taking the sandwich. Antestarr walked up behind her, curious as to what she was doing*

Young: Antestarr, why does this rabbit come here and look at us?

Ante *sitting down next to Young*: Well, we can't be certain. It could be that it was hungry, or curious. Or it could be an interdimensional assassin sent here to kill all of us. After some of the things I've seen, the latter wouldn't surprise me at all...

Young: Would you like me to dispose of it, then?

Ante: No... for now it looks like a simple rabbit. We should let it be and continue to enjoy the world of this 8th dimension.

Young: I am curious about dreams.

Ante: Hmm... where'd that question come from?

Young: Subaru was explaining to me about helping others and dreams, but I wanted to know what dreams had to do with it. Did we not just escape from a dream?

Ante: Well, she was talking about a different kind of dream. An aspiration, if you will. Most everyone has goals in life. Sometimes people share goals. In fact, that could be what brought our group together. Sure, it all began as trivial fighting for the sake of the planet or for revenge... but we became stranded together and eventually started to save the world time and time again. But each one of them has their own personal goals as well...

Young: And what of your personal goals?

*Ante's face drew dark at that question.*

Young: I am sorry. Did I say something wrong?

Ante: No... not at all. My goals... well, it'd take a while to get through everything, but I guess I'd say my biggest goal right now is to save the NeS from something that has been plaguing it since its conception. The Writers.

-------

*In the Writer's Realm, Krig the Writer typed away fiercly, waving towards Gebohq the Writer, beckoning him over.*

GtW: What is it, Krig?

KtW: It's the oddest thing. A new character was introduced to the story, but it wasn't done by one of us. And watch this.

*KtW typed in a paragraph describing a branch falling from a tree and landing on Young's head. However, just as he committed it to the NeS, the paragraph disappeared and was replaced with some random spiel about a rabbit doing no harm to the character.*

GtW: Wow, that's truly odd. As if the NeS were protecting her for some reason.....

*What's this?! NeS is protecting Young? And why all the talk about dreams and goals and stuff like that? I mean, honestly, this isn't supposed to be philosophical. We're supposed to have action packed comedy here! Like when three men walk into a bar and then the fourth one ducks. Or when a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". Really, what's going on here and why..*

Executive: We're sorry. We pay you by the hour and if you keep rambling like this we're gonna go into the red for the month, so, yeah. Go home, Mr. Narrator.

As Geb sits down on the floor and begins to eat... he looks at the lock on the jail door...

Geb: Hrm.... HRMMM....

Geb empties his pockets, finding a paper clip, a rubber band, and some lint.

Geb: That should do it!

Geb takes the stale bread, and morphs it with his hands into a key shape, just the size of the lock. Then, using rubberband, he secures the paperclip to the stale bread key, for re-enforcement. The result? A perfectly usable jail key.

Geb: Well you've done a great job this time Geb! Even MacGuyver would be proud!

Geb throws the rest of the bread in his mouth and eats it, then walks over to the toilet, contemplating drinking the water.

Geb: Wait, who am I kidding?

Geb spits in the toilet, and goes to the lock. He inserts the key from the other side, and it works. The jail cell door opens, and Geb looks around, making sure the coast was clear. He then gebs it down the hall, to another door, and opens it. He enters, closes the door, and sighs.

Geb: whew! Well that wasn't too hard. But I'm still soooo hungry!

Geb looks in his hand, where the key is. In his bout of extreme hunger pains, he tears the rubberband and paper clip off.

Geb: Won't be needin this anymore!

Geb throws the stale bread down his throat. He then proceeds to turn around, to see where he is going to go next. But when he turns around, he finds only more jail cell bars.

Geb: What the? Another jail? I'll have to find some keys for this door in that other hallway...

Geb turns around to the other door he just went through, only to find the door is no longer there.

Geb: What the heck? Where's the door?!

Getting worried, he searches the wall, looking for the door. Finally, he finds the outline, but the door is so flush with the wall, that his hands are completely unable to pry it open again.

Geb: Well that is JUSSSST GREAT! LOCKED MYSELF INTO A DIFFERENT CELL! Damn my hunger for making me eat the key! I guess I'm stuck to die here then...

Sitting against the wall, Geb looks around his jail cell. Suddenly, he spots something in the corner he did not notice earlier.

Geb: What is that? Could it... no it couldn't be...

Geb jumps up, and hurries over to the mysterious brown object...

Geb: Yes, I do think... IT IS! ITS A DOUGHNUT!

Geb grabs it, and eats it, almost choking on each bite.

Geb (With mouth full of doughnut): Welh I ghuess jaihl isn't as bahd as Ih thoughht!

*Suddenly, at the NeS picnic...*

TLTE: ...what? Where am I? And why am I strapped to this ridiculous equine prison?

*Antestarr, seated and eating with the rest of the NeS picnic sub-crew, raises one utensil-wielding hand.*

Ante: That would be my brilliant plan, TLTE. Sorry.

TLTE: Borscht...you have to let me off this thing! She's in danger!

Ante: What?

TLTE: This automated fellow next to me was under attack from a mysterious unseen attacker before we were both knocked out, and I distinctly heard "she is mine" in an unsettling, creepy voice! She is in danger!

Ante: But....which "she"? There are quite a few NeS women now?

TLTE: I don't...I don't know! Possibly Subaru, Maybechild....Young, who now technically counts as a woman...

*Antestarr looks with some concern at the Blank Character next to him, who is growing less blank by the minute.*

TLTE: ...possibly even Losien....LOSIEN! By the sword of Stalin!!

*The memory of his quest returning to him, TLTE rips free of his bonds, spiralling and twisting through the air to land neatly on the picnic table.*

TLTE: Krig, CM, Wai...get up! We're leaving!

CM: Can't we just finish these chocolate dumplings?

TLTE: No!

Krig: Krig need chocolate dumplings!

TLTE: No! We must steal a spacecraft from the nearest available source and blast off for Jupiter!

*He turns, leaping off the table and addressing Antestarr.*

TLTE: Ante, you are a warrior of not inconsiderable skill, and besides, you're the most senior NeS hero present-

*The small Viking behind him coughs.*

TLTE: Pardon, the most senior and competent NeS hero present.

*He turns. Krig nods approvingly.*

TLTE: Right. So just in case our unseen antagonist isn't after Losien, whom we are now going to rescue, you must take all the NeS women and keep them safe and secure until this is over.

Ante: Save women. Check.

TLTE: You might need some extra firepower for this one. Here, take this little friend of mine...

*He withdraws from his coat a miniature pistol, fairly inconspicuous in design.*

Ante: Uh...could I have one of your Smith and Wessons instead?

TLTE: No no, this is good! My Soviet instructors used to call it the Blockbuster.

Ante: What does it do?

TLTE: Well, if you find yourself against an opponent, you take careful aim, depress the trigger, and it'll produce an explosion that'll level everything in a 6-block radius.

*There is a beat.*

Ante: Won't that be harmful to-

TLTE: I can't explain now, Ante! Losien needs me! Good luck!

*And with that, the Russian spy and his improvised cohort are gone.*

(NSP: Before anyone posts in regard to this, check my NeS Workshop footnote.)

*Insert obligitory group shot of current NeS heroes, wearing pilgrim hats, sitting around a bounty of food in the woods with some random Native Americans*

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

This holiday B.U.M.P. is brought to you by laziness, among other things.

In the woods nearby the Haunted House of Heroes in the 8th Dimension...

Krig: Food yummy.

Haggis: Indeed it was, though I'm sure it was in some part due to involuntarily fasting for so long.

Krig: Strange people go.

Ante: That's NeS for you. People coming, people going, people appropriately themed for certain holidays eating our food--

Krig: No, not copper people. People with stick and hand cannon.

Maybe: Krig, dear, those people were TLTE, CM and Wai. We've known them for quite a while now.

Krig: Krig... know them?

Ford: Weren't you suppose to go along with them?

Krig: Krig go with strange people? *laughs* No, funny book-man. Krig no do things with strangers. Krig's mommy tell him so.

Ante: So anywhos, we've eaten now--

Otter: No thanks to those two! Why were they eating? They're robots?

Ahnuld and Thrawn42689 give questioning looks.

Ante: --and we may not be in peak condition, but at least we shouldn't feel woozy.

Maybe: Speaking of condition, I suggest we go back home--er--Earth, um... civilization as we know it... *cough* to buy stuff to replace our loses. I could use a lute, and I dunno about the rest of you, but I'd like to be someplace normal again. Well, you know, as normal as things get around here.

The rest nod and murmur in agreement.

MZZT: Let's head back to the HHH (Haunted House of Heroes) then and give the Thingy^2 a whirl.

Young: "Thingy squared?"

Ante: You'll see.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody left the picnic enters the cargo room which, among various equipment, weapons and such, holds the Thingy^2, a Stargate-esque teleportation device rebuilt from its former parts and a certain Machine that Goes--

Thingy^2: Bing!

TLTE: Impudant mechanism, why won't you work?

The Last True Evil gives the command station another swift kick, while CoolMatty and Wai wait on the side, now glad to see MZZT and the others having arrived.

MZZT: That's because you need to run the start-up proccess first.

TLTE: In Soviet Russia, a swift kick is all that was needed...

As The Mega-ZZTer starts up the Thingy^2 for use, he talks to others as a whole.

MZZT: Over my travels with you all and elsewhere, I've placed some markers in certain parts of the world, such as England, Japan, Switzerland, Yemen, and Canada. I've modified the new Thingy to be able to focus its teleportation beam to those markers.

Everybody gives MZZT a blank stare.

MZZT: It won't hurt like hell when we transport to certain places we've been before.

everybody: Oooooooo...

MZZT: Alright, everything's set. Where are you guys headed again, TLTE?

TLTE: Jupiter.

MZZT: Can't say I've been there. Pretty far away too.

TLTE: Then a place nearby a space shuttle.

Ante: I've heard about an amateur shuttle contest being held in New Mexico... their launches should be in the next couple days.

MZZT: I got something in California, if you want.

TLTE: That'll have to do. Send us out!

With that, The Last True Evil, CoolMatty, Wai, and a reluctant Krig the Viking go through the Thingy^2.

MZZT: OK then, now where do you guys want to shop?

Otter: London! I have some friends in Camden Market that can get me a good deal on some new sunglasses.

Maybe: I'm sure I can find something there.

Ante: Oh, right. Um, Maybechild? TLTE says I should keep the NeS women safe. You should probably stay here.

Maybe: .... *starts walking up to the Thingy^2*

Ante: No, really. You'll be put in grave danger.

Maybe: Do I really have to go into a rant about us women being able to defend ourselves? Or about the legitimacy of TLTE's source of information? Or how being in a haunted house is safe?

Ante: Just give me a list of what you want me to get.

Maybe: Tampons.

Ante: ....like I said, this Thrawn guy will get your stuff.

Thrawn42689: What?

Mimiru and Subaru each give Thrawn42689 a list of things to get, then head off to some other part of the house.

Mimiru: I have some books I wanted to read for some time now...

Subaru: I should probably try fixing up the jet...

MZZT: I could use some help fixing this place to at least meet up with the standards of the former Hall of Heroes anyway, Maybe, and Mimiru and Subaru are-- hey, where'd they head off to?

Ante: Alright, so Ahnuld is it? You, Thrawn, Otter, Ford, Haggis, and Geb-clone are coming with me.

Qhobeg: Qhobeg.

Ante: Right. You should come too, Young. You'll need a waredrobe.

Maybe: Hey! Young's female!

Ante: And new. She needs to get out in the world, grow some character. Literally. I'll keep a close eye on her, don't you worry.

Maybe: *grumble*

Ford: Actually, I'm going to stay here, at least for a little bit. I still have some things to check around here. Like maybe Mustang...

MZZT: New coordinates are set. It's ready when you are.

Antestarr, Young, the Otter, CookedHaggis, Qhobeg, Ahnuld, and Thrawn42689 each enter the Thingy's portal in order...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Thrawn42689 exits last, he almost bumps into the group of heroes, who are standing still.

Thrawn42689: What's the hold-up?

Otter: This isn't the bloody London I know.

The sky is overcast, the few people that are walking the streets are either dressed in grey prison-like garb or hidden under intimidating militaristic armor. A flying bot hovers nearby and takes their picture. Some distance away the group can see where Big Ben should be, but in its place is a towering, hellish version of its former self, a citadel that serves as a symbol of a literal Hell on Earth.

*The camera pans quickly to a bullitin board with random newspaper clippings, the most prominant one displaying the headline "Hell's Forces Invade Earth!" and then back to the heroes.*

See? Nearby, above the heroes' heads, is a large monitor displaying Helebon speaking propaganda.

Young: This is bad, isn't it?

What will happen now? Will Antestarr and the other heroes be able to find what they want at good prices now? I mean, will the heroes be able to end Helebon's evil once and for all? Will The Last True Evil and those with him be able to find a way to Jupiter and save Losien in time? Will The Mega-ZZter and everybody back at the Haunted House of Heroes come down with cabin fever, or solve the mysteries of their new residence and its past? Stay tuned for a new, exciting storyarc of The Never-ending Story Thread^2: Hell on Earth!

California. Clear blue water washes up on sandy beaches, shaded by palm trees and filled with the wonderful sound of a homeless guy yodeling and playing a banjo missing three strings. Movie stars wander about freely here, more common than common people, each one followed by a swarm of paparazzi and Hollywood reporters. On the beach, some kid is busy making a sand castle. It's a giant one, nearly six feet tall, with parapets and drawbridges and arrow slits and everything. The kid (who is named Timmy) is patting the final bits of sand down on one of the parapets when the whole castle begins to vibrate. Timmy steps back in confusion, and suddenly a violently glowing portal bursts open in the middle of the sand castle. Four people tumble out of the glowing hole in space-time, writhing in pain and flattening the sand castle in their agonised thrashings. Timmy looks on, tears welling up in his eyes.

CoolMatty: AAAUURAUGH!!! I thought he said this wouldn't hurt anymore!

TLTE: Тот ублюдок не говорил правду!

Timmy (almost crying): Wh... why did you w-w-wreck my sand castle?

Krig: AAARRRGH!!! KRIG IS HURTINGS!

Krig grabs his axe-handle and begins to systematically smash what's left of the sand castle back into its component sand grains, in a fit of rage. Timmy begins to cry.

Wai: Hey, listen, don't do that...

Timmy: You wreckeded my sand castle!

Wai: Well... yes we did. But we're very sorry...

Just then, a man from the beach crowd comes up and taps Wai on the shoulder.

Man: 'Scuse me, are you fellas bothering this little boy?

Wai: Hey, this is none of your -- Oh by the fiery suns of Tatooine, it's Bruce Willis!

Yes, that's right, the random man from the beach is none other than the star of Die Hard himself! Mr. Willis stares down at Wai with a cold hard glare.

Timmy: They wreckded my sand castle!

Bruce Willis (cracking knuckles): Is that right, little Timmy? I think maybe I should teach these clowns a lesson...

Several minutes later, in the back of a LAPD cruiser...

Wai: Wow, I thought for sure he was gonna beat us up!

CM: Yeah, I wasn't expecting him to whip out his cell phone and call the police!

TLTE: And then he went and bought that kid an ice cream cone! Not only is Bruce Willis a superb actor as showcased in the Die Hard movies, but he is also a paragon of humanity with a heart as soft as kitten fur!

Krig: Bruce Willis is good man!

There is an uncomfortable silence as the four Heroes exchange glances. And then, when the comedic timing is just right--

TLTE: So anyway, about our quest...

CM: Yes! The quest!

Wai: We need to get out of these handcuffs.

Krig: Krig like ice cream!

The police cruiser pulls up to the police station, and the four are booked on charges of malicious sand-castle deconstruction. They are led to a holding cell already packed with hardened criminals. As the door slams shut behind them, they feel the hate-filled eyes of the habitually unlawful upon them, sizing them up. TLTE and CM ready themselves for combat as several of the prisoners stand up and act all tough and confrontational.

TLTE: I'll take the six on the right, comrade, if you'll take the other five.

CM: There's nine of them on my side, TLTE, can't you count?

TLTE: Nine? Really? Let me see... by Stalin, you're right! I missed the four against the wall.

CM: That's all right, anyone could have made that mistake.

TLTE: You are too kind, comrade.

Prisoner: Whut in blue blazes are you turkeys jabberin' about?

CM: Nothing!

TLTE: Strategy!

TLTE and CM look sideways at each other, annoyedly.

CM: The strategy of doing nothing!

TLTE: No, actually, what my comrade meant to say is we are planning how to whip your collective buttocks in a fight.

CM (from the corner of his mouth): I thought the point of a strategy was to keep it secret, TLTE...

TLTE (from the corner of his mouth): Intimidation, my friend Cool Matty. Never show weakness in the face of danger! It confuses the slow-witted.

Prisoner: Uh... I cin hear you guys plainly...

TLTE: ...Oh.

Krig: We start smashing now?

CM: Shh, Krig, not yet!

Prisoner: Krig? Is that you?

Krig: Butch! Hahaha! Krig is happy to see big ugly friend!

Butch: Hah! Imagine meeting you all the way over here, in America!

CM: So... you two know each other?

Butch: Heck yeah, we useta play hopscotch back across the pond!

Krig: Krig win because big man cheat.

Butch: I was on the bloody line!

Krig: Was not!

Butch: Was too!

TLTE: Not to interrupt, but has anyone seen Wai?

CM: Oh, he probably wandered off again. He does that. Being a wandering AI and all.

Butch: So what are you guys in for?

TLTE: Oh--

CM: Bank robbery.

TLTE: Bank...?

CM: Yep. Robbed a bank. Six of 'em, actually. At once.

TLTE (from the corner of his mouth): What are you doing?

CM (from the corner of his mouth): Hey, you're the one who said we should intimidate them!

TLTE: Oh... right. Yeah. So, Butch, what are you in for?

Butch: Oh, I kicked over some kid's sand castle.

Just then, the cell door swings open. The Heroes turn around to see Wai standing just outside, holding a ring of keys.

TLTE: Um... how did you do that?

Wai: What do you mean? I just wandered out...

CM: What did I tell you? He's good at wandering!

Wai: Yeah, well, we should probably get moving. That rabbit probably won't keep the guards distracted for long.

TLTE: Rabbit?

Wai: Don't ask.

TLTE, Cool Matty, and Krig file out of the cell. Once out, they wave goodbye to Butch.

TLTE: Well met, comrade!

CM: Nice to meet you, Mr. Butch.

Krig: Goodbye, big ugly man!

Butch: See you guys later! Maybe one day I'll get out of here and we'll meet again!

TLTE: Perhaps so. Perhaps.

CM: See you all later, fellas!

CM quietly closes the door as the rest of the criminals wave goodbye. The four Heroes walk away, whistling, as they continue their incredible adventures on their Journey to Jupiter!

A small figure wakes up outside a large, ominous looking building. The grey sky above rumbles, the silhouette of the building obscuring much, while the sound of rain is ever present, while –

Tony the Writer: Aargh… my head… what happened?

Stop interrupting and I’ll tell you. Ahem... the sound, yadda yadda… while the figure looked over himself and –

Tony the Writer: I swear I had more clothes than this.

Quiet!!

Tony the Writer: And what’s with the building, the rain and suchlike?

It’s a literary device to emphasize a –

Tony the Writer: OK, OK, I get the idea.

A figure emerges from one of the higher windows and appears to throw something down. The package tumbles and swirls in its descent and it lands in the ground with a rather disappointing squelch. Tony the Writer opens the box and pulls out…

Tony the Writer: A half-eaten yellow crayon and an old envelope?

Krig the Writer: No coming back in until you write something!!

Gebohq the Writer: Yeah! No cake for you!

[Okay, it's short, it contains no story, but I'm good to go again... I think.]

*Dusk. Along a quiet coastal highway, the silhouettes of four distinct figures are clearly visible. A smaller, monk-like figure is walking on the far left, his movements robotic; next to him, a man of average height moving with somewhat irritated purpose, the air crackling around him with unseen energy; flanking him, a four-foot tall compatriot, whose knotted beard creates a smaller shadow as he paces to keep up with the others; and finally, a figure somewhat taller than the others, for whom the shadows seem to draw tighter around as he moves. They are NeS heroes, pillars of the ISB community, notorious double-parkers, and more relevant to the current narration, questing to Jupiter!*

Krig: Krig just wondering...

*Cool Matty sighs.*

CM: No, Krig. We aren't there yet. We weren't there thirty seconds ago when you last inquired, or the thirty seconds before that. And thirty seconds from now, we won't be there yet either!

*There is a fifteen-second pause.*

Krig: Krig just wondering...

*CM groans with all the purpose and despair of a patron of the magic arts can muster, which is an awful lot.*

*The Last True Evil, casting his keen gaze around the flat landscape, opts into the conversation at that point.*

TLTE: Fear not, my tiny ally. I share your desire to get to Jupiter as soon as possible...Losien is surely losing hope of rescue every minute we delay out here! What we need is to find a miniature space station, unguarded but still capable of launching a small craft into orbit immediately-

CM: Oh look, there's one.

TLTE:...oh. Good.

*They traipse into the serendipitously placed space station. Almost instantly, the group can see and smell ash and smoke, wafting out from several small holes around them. Next to these, there are about a dozen silver spaceships, gleaming and ready to use.*

TLTE: Look! Launch craters! This station has been operating only recently! We've hit the jackpot! Quickly, to save Losien from her peril...

*Wai, standing on the other side of the line, conducts a quick probability study with his considerable CPU.*

Wai: Actually, TLTE, I calculate a 98% probability that our foe on Jupiter, whomever they may be, is only using Losien to ensnare one or all of us in a trap.

*Meanwhile, Krig gazes up into the sky, trying to spy the spaceships that must have just taken off.*

Krig: Krig don't see rocket ships.

CM: Yes...and if they just took off, why didn't we hear the ignition as we approached?

*As they speculate, TLTE shakes his head, oblivious.*

TLTE: A possibility I've considered, Wai...but it doesn't make sense. I mean, our enemy is almost certainly behind the EeP's return, who tried to kill all of us, not to mention the grenade-firing Blackguard who nearly destroyed Highemp and me!

Krig: Must be teeny ships.

CM: You're right...these launch craters are far too small....they look more like....

*He looks up at Krig, suddenly, his face turning pale.*

CM:...impact craters.

*CM turns and begins to shout, but his words catch in his throat. Behind TLTE and Wai, standing atop the space control tower that looks over the base, a black-clad figure raises his arm and fires what can only be a rocket-propelled grenade at him. CM has enough time to turn and dive at Krig, knocking them both into a crater, as the projectile lands and explodes violently, sending the nearby TLTE and Wai crashing to the ground.*

*TLTE: Well, borscht.

*He lies there, temporarily incapacitated by the tremendous shockwave, unable to move as the smoke clears and a familiar shadow looms over him again.*

Voice: It's always a pleasure to catch up with old acquaintances, isn't it?

*Slowly, TLTE raises his head, trying to rise onto his haunches as he beholds the mysterious attacker, the Blackguard, once again. Nothing has changed since their last encounter: he is still an eight-foot tall figure from a nightmare; adorned in a dark cobalt plate mail that swirls and coalesces in a strange fashion; in one massive hand, an explosive grenade launcher, and in the other, a lethal pitch-black axe. When he speaks, it is a deep rumbling reverberation, indicative of his size and presence.*

TLTE: We killed you!

Blackguard: I'm exceptionally hard to kill. But it was a valiant effort.

*He lifts his axe overhead suddenly, bringing it down with incredible speed - but at the last moment, a smaller figure jumps in between the two of them, catching the blade between his two hands.*

TLTE: Wai!

*The robot holds the blade between his palms, facing his much larger adversary with determination.*

Wai: I assume that you are an emissiary of our true enemy?

Blackguard: Emissiary, executioner...it's a full-time occupation.

*He swings his other arm around, the steel launcher smashing into Wai and sending him flying. TLTE leaps to his feet, drawing into one hand his sabre, and into his other a pistol.*

TLTE: What do you want, Blackguard? Besides the obvious 'kill us all' thing.

*Standing before him, the Blackguard laughs viciously. It sounds like a large truck downshifting on the highway.*

Blackguard: Let's play a game. You and your friends keep me entertained...or I'll do this...

*Still facing TLTE, he raises his arm sideways and fires. The grenade strikes the side of one of the spaceships, detonating the craft with a huge explosion and rendering it useless.*

Blackguard: Think that you can defeat me before I ruin your chance of ever seeing Losien again?

*TLTE's eyes narrow. Behind him, his friends and allies begin to muster, readying themselves for the battle.*

TLTE: For Losien...we will fight!

*He lunges forward-*

*lunging forward, TLTE is about to make contact, when with a deftly move, Blackguard deflects and moves to the side, leaving TLTE wide open.*

Blackguard: I must tell you, I've become much faster since the last time you've seen me.

*He takes a quick swing at TLTE, but just moments before impact, he is pulled backward.*

CM: Not so fast! TLTE, lay waste to him!

*TLTE recovers, and notices CM behind Blackguard, holding him by the waist with almost impossible strength.*

TLTE: Not my style, but I'll make do, for the sake of Losien...

*TLTE begins to mess Blackguard up, and CM keeps him bound. Blackguard makes every attempt to block his moves, but CM does a decent job at holding him back. A few punches later, Blackguard is bleeding from the nose, and very angry.*

Blackguard: I'm fed up with you little nuisance!

*Blackguard reaches behind him, lifts CM from the ground, and pitches him across the room. TLTE takes out his saber upon seeing this, and runs it right against Blackguard's throat.*

TLTE: Maybe this time you'll stay dead!

*TLTE moves to slice his throat, but then there is a violent explosion eminating from Blackguard. It throws TLTE to the back wall, knocking him unconcious, scarred, and burned.*

Blackguard: I do love this armor, you know. With it, explosives have no affect on me. Even my own.

Krig: Krig no like big black man! Big black man hurt friends! Big black man bad!

*Krig runs at Blackguard. Blackguard swings at him with his own axe, in a horizontal motion. However, he seems to miss.*

Blackguard: What? Impossible, no one is faster than me!

Krig: Not faster, shorter! Black man have bad aim!

*Krig, being extraordinarily short, and Blackguard, being extraordinarily tall, threw Blackguard off, causing him to miss.*

Blackguard: Blast, well I cannot miss with my RPG!!!

*Krig doesn't even let him pull out the RPG. He takes his axe, and swings directly at Blackguard's knees. Blackguard jumps over the attack at the last moment, but Krig does not stop there. He continuously attacks over and over, not giving Blackguard a chance to retailiate with his RPG, and giving the other heroes a chance to come back to their senses and help... not that Krig actually thought that deeply about it.*

In the Writers Wrealm (he he he i love fake alliteration) *Cough* Erm...i mean...In the Writers Realm a figure walks up to the line of writers on strike.

Protesters: Equal Words for Equal Pay! No pages without representation! Release the doughnuts!

GebtW: *from high above* NEVAR!

Protesters: Less hours more Die Hard! Hey, Hey, GBK! How many kids did you eat today?!

Figure: Hey guys! Whats all the commotion about?

KyleKatarn7tW: OMG! wait...i just said "OMG!" OMG i said it again! OMG!(and so on)

Figure: riiiiight....

LosientW: Hey look guys! its Ford the Writer!

Protesters: More prostit...shwa?!

FordtWriter: Yep its me. So...What'd i miss?

Holy Sabattical Batman! Ford the Writer returns! Will he be able to convince the other writers to come back and actually do something for a change? Will Ford the Hero play a crucial role in the next subplot? Will there be more prostitu...*ahem* Find out next time in The Never-ending Story:....wait...which plot is this again?

Otter the Writer: Hey baby, wanna hold my sign?

Female protester: *SMASH*