Previously, in the story-world of the Never-ending Story (NeS) Thread Squared...

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MAIN PLOT: Memory Lane

The main protagonists, better known as the NeS heroes, are journeying down the quasi-real Memory Lane, a relatively unformed and misty place where memories of the NeS appear before them. While their bodies remain in the den of the Haunted Hall of Heroes, their minds travel down Memory Lane with the assistance of a screen projector displaying the contents of their scrapbook of their early adventures.

(PLEASE NOTE: Instances where a memory references a page number of the NeS, it usually if not always refers to the page of the ORIGINAL Neverending Story Thread, as this thread is technically its sequel. For an overview of the NeS in its entirety, see here.)

Though this is an entertaining romp on its own, there are dire stakes involved. Villains are attempting to reach the lost spirit of the NeS and consume it, thus erasing the NeS from having ever existed. This erasure is also known as being Twice-Forgotten. Segments of the story in all bold text are generally indicative of being Twice-Forgotten.

The heroes are aware of the villainous trio, Darkside, Tsolo, and the Illusionist, but what they don't know is that Michael McFarlane is the true mastermind. Currently, Michael is in possession of the Holy Hand Remote, which allows him a great advantage in finding the lost spirit of the NeS while the other heroes are distracted by the other villains, and Tsolo has been particularly tasked with breaking the will of an isolated Losien as part of Michael's desire for revenge against wrongs he perceives to have been committed against him.

[quote=Cast of Heroes]Losien Simon - She is currently the main character and leader of the NeS would-be-heroes, a role which she is just now becoming accustomed to acting in confidence. Extremely beautiful yet severely lacking in self-esteem - though it seems she has developed some new confidence as a side effect of her temporary possession by Darkside. By the tropes that are natural law in the story-world of the NeS, all hope of success relies on her; although it has been recently revealed that much of her family's power comes from l33t hacks! She aims to prove herself worthy of her main character mantle and not let down either her brother, Gebohq, the former main character who is not around to help her. She is accompanied by Soriel's lustful blade, Fred, and his equally lustful cape, Carletta, both of whom only she can hear. She is currently trapped within Tsolo's power, attempting alone to withstand his attempts to break her confidence and will and to fight.

Al Ciao - Formerly a normal-ish looking fellow with a Charlie Brown-style shirt, jeans, and spiky neon orange hair, he is now an ectoplasmic bullet-ridden normal-ish looking fellow with a Charlie Brown-style shirt, jeans, and spiky neon orange hair, having been shot to death by his ex-girlfriend. Formerly a powerplayer known as Highemperor, he exorcised that aspect from himself, and that now independent personality left the NeSiverse for more epic venues. Prior to this current quest, Al was briefly the incompentent ruler of Hell, a.k.a. Canada. Darkside secretly brought out his darker nature, which turned out to be the uncontrollable desire to impregnate every eligible female he can. Due to this, and Darkside's manipulation, Al has married a now-feminine Darkside to successfully father their child.

The Last True Evil: Destined as the Ultimate Villain of the NeS, the former Soviet spy seems to be flying in the face of fate. Now Losien's fiancee and father-figure to Amal, TLTE fights for the possibly-futile hope of his redemption. Resourceful and a Romantic in his own harsh way, he has a personal history with Michael MacFarlane, the latest of which includes an attempt by Michael to turn TLTE twice-forgotten. Currently under a powerful story trope that renders him Losien's damsel in distress, The Last True Evil is driven to help the heroes while not destroying Losien's position as main character and his hope for lasting redemption.

Rachel Pi - Incarnation of April Fools and a servant of the NeS, Rachel is both fated as Gebohq's true love and keeper of conflict within the NeS. Rachel is currently continuing to challenge the authority of Losien, both to test that Losien is strong enough to succeed in the quest and to fulfill her own selfish desire to see Losien fail for having taken Gebohq's place in his former role and his heart. Currently, she aims to keep an eye out for imbalance in the current conflict as well as the Mop of Righteous Fury, the talismanic weapon of Janitor Bob, which has the power to break through Losien's hacks, should that become necessary.

Amal - Once "raised" in solitude by the eminent scholar, Master Thand, Amal had only the company of books provided by Thand until found and adopted by The Last True Evil (TLTE). Since then, Amal has quickly grown up into a wise and discerning young man under TLTE's tutelage, promising to become a hero the likes of which would surpass Losien and Gebohq. Amal aims to do all he can for his current caretakers, Losien and TLTE, as well as keep an eye on the likes Al Ciao.

Soriel - A no-nonsense, bloodthirsty swordsman, currently wounded by the combined forces of Darkside and Tsolo in their previous encounter. Soriel tags along mostly in hopes of satiating his hunger for battle and securing his existence as a living character (since villains have difficulty living in story worlds such as the NeS). He gave his talking, and perverted, sword and cape to Losien as she is the main character in more need of them than himself whilst injured. Instead he is continuing his old ambition to learn of the NeS and secretly harbours desires to attain the role of NeS's paramount scholar.

The Otter - A half-posh, half-punk, all-drunk, womanizing British NeS veteran, the Otter seems to be around only because he is too drunk to take himself anywhere else for the time being. He is currently attempting to collect himself after the recent memories, as well as his keener perception of their situation remaining unheard, launching him into depression.

Maeve (Maevie) - An old college friend of some of the NeS veterans, she can relate to the Otter with both her British heritage and her drinking. However, she normally selects not to relate to the Otter when she can help it. She seems to stick around so that she doesn't become a Forgotten character once again. Maeve also harbors an as-of-yet unresolved love/hate relationship with Losien.

Apple - An assassin-for-hire capable of becoming invisible to varying degrees depending on her load. She is generally selfish and eager for challenges. Lovely African-American woman with several locks of her hair dyed red. Pregnant, and rapidly gestating. It is uncertain who the father is. (See Sub Plot (2), below.)[/quote]

[quote=Cast of Villains] Michael MacFarlane - A Twice-Forgotten character and current mastermind of the villains, Michael is a former NeS hero turned shade of his former self. Currently, he hides in the shadows. Once working for Darkside and Tsolo, he overthrew him and made them work for him instead. He conspired to kidnap and Twice-Forget TLTE, but the weight of TLTE's destiny rescued him from oblivion. He also randomly removes various memories from the NeS Pages that are revealed only to the Writers and the Readers, not to our heroes. He has also, for reasons yet unknown, purposefully removed Arkng Thand from the earliest pages of the NeS as revealed through regular Forgotten Memories. People forget Michael as soon as he leaves them. Michael is currently using the other villains to distract the NeS heroes while he searches for the lost spirit of the NeS so that he may have it consumed and forgotten.

Darkside - A Legion-like spectre of malevolence, formerly amalgamated with Tsolo into Knowsoul before Michael took over. Former lawyer, and composite entity of all the greatest villains in NeStian fantastic history (although really, what's the difference between the two?). He recently began drawing out the darker natures of the heroes on Memory Lane. Now working for Michael McLongname.

Tsolo - A Grim-Reaper-esque construct, the Avatar of Loss. Formerly amalgamated with Darkside into Knowsoul. His purpose is to erase Forgotten characters from history, and is under Michael's orders to break Losien's spirit.

The Illusionist - No one is quite clear on who he/she is, given their mysterious powers of illusion and shapeshifting. Works for Michael McLongname, though like everyone else, the Illusionist forgets that every time he leaves, only remembering the orders.[/quote]


SECONDARY PLOT: War in London

A war between Heaven and Hell has broken out above London. Seraphim, member of Hero Force One, renounced heaven despite orders from her superior Serapharch, and subdued her former boss. Heaven retaliated by sending their hosts to London, where the Hovercarrier of Hero Force One is stationed. Acidspitter, former member of Hero Force One, current Devil of Hell (aka Canada), and estranged boyfriend of Seraphim, unleashed his demonic hordes to defend his lover and old team.

Although currently only Hero Force One, Al Ciao's teenage daughter Iriana Emp, and inactive NeS heroes MZZT and Geb are in London, more NeS heroes are soon to converge upon the battlefield, coming from the Haunted House of Heroes where Young has just given birth to Evil Geb's child Chance.

[quote=Haunted Hall of Heroes Cast, Soon Coming to London] Antestarr - An inactive NeS hero, former NeScholar, former apprentice to Master Thand, master of weapons and the invention thereof. He was not along ago on hte verge of dying- due to the severe physical stresses of overusing his Hyper-Time Modulator - until his ex-lover Nyneve turned him into an immortal, newly-young, vampire-like NeSferatu that feeds on the bloodink of characters. He is currently sorting out his life priorities.

Krig the Viking - Berserker Viking, berserker lawyer, berserker chaser of butterflies...well, you get the idea. Surprisingly competent at times, seemingly by accident, but perhaps there is more to him than has always seemed. Was recently killed by who appears to be the former NeS heroine Voodoo Snowflakes, at which point he was taken to Valhalla. He has recently returned to life and made his way to the Haunted House of Heroes. Former king of Switzerland; his father Krog has taken over in his absence. As always, he wishes only for the simple things in life: shinies, lobbing the heads of enemies with his axe, and the like.

Subaru - Antestarr's current romantic interest. Friend to the mageling Cool Matty and his wife Mimiru, who are inactive NeS heroes. She has discovered some blue-glowing telekinetic and healing powers, which she can focus into swords. Has just learned that Antestarr is a NeSferatu and is trying to adjust accordingly.

Evil Geb - Shattered Geb, Gebiyl, Evil G...these are all aliases of the same man, though he is partial to the latter. He is Gebohq from an alternate future a thousand years from now, which became its own alternate reality, known as the Shattered NeS. Once the ruler, he was deposed and came to the primary plane of the NeSiverse. Husband to Young and father to her new baby, Chance, Evil G mostly desires to entertain himself and protect his wife and child when the end comes...

Emperor Pi - The secret Chinese Emperor who lives in a floating palace above China. He has a great many concubines who have given him many children, one of which is Rachel Pi. However nobody is certain which concubine is Rachel's mother as they have no many children. He is old, likes things quiet and drinks tea. He is also a martial arts master. [/quote]

[quote=NeS Heroes already in London]Gebohq - Former main character, elder brother of current Main Character Losien. Characterized by a juxtaposition of laziness and cowardice with compassion and a strong sense of right and wrong.

MZZT - The tech expert for the NeS heroes. Has invented the Thingy(TM) (a painful teleportation portal) and the NeS hero watches.

Iriana Emp - Al Ciao's estranged daughter, and of the deceased Atlantean princess Alole. She just turned 16 and was emancipated, receiving a locket from her father, as well as a briefcase chock full of Canadian soul tokens - which have just cubed in value, thanks to Acidspitter, making her probably the richest Londoner in history. Not technically an NeS hero, simply a bystander in recent events.
Note: The source of ancient Atlantis' prosperity and fame, its banana cream Oreo knockoffs, were Twice-Forgotten by Michael McLongname; and therefore history has been re-remembered such that Atlantis is a little-known village that sank into the ocean 12,000 years ago. [/quote]

[quote=Hero Force One]Seraphim - Once an angel of light, she is now considered fallen. She still wears a clingy, dress of transparent light that barely - barely - conceals her most intimate spots. Capable of superstrength, flight, and various angelicky powers of healing and so forth, her primary trait seems to be her penchant for massive property damage.

Acidspitter - Real name Louis, Surname unrevealed. A 19 year old man in punkish attire - chains, leather, purple mohawk, his name tells you everything you need to know about his power set. Initially attracted to Seraphim because her angelic body wouldn't dissolve if he gave her tongue, he corrupted her even as she tamed him. Then he became an incubus, and their relationship got strained before the big fight. He is currently the moody ruler of Hell, "Mister Nine", but has managed to make Hell the richest country in the world once again.

Other Members of Hero Force One - The Morpheus-lookalike dual-katana-wielding magician, Dr. R. Deep . His apprentice, the teenager Magick Snowflakes . Judge , the British telekinetic woman whose most impressive power is her cleavage. Qhobeg , one of the seemingly endless number of Gebohq clones. The Company Kid , the wererat Benjamin Mahir, old pal of The Otter, who doesn't believe in the story and generally wants to be left alone. [/quote]


SUB PLOT (1): Gambling with Their Souls

Though this has by and large been forgotten by now, during his brief tenure as ruler of Hell, Al Ciao was forced by bureaucratic to make a fiendish bet. Should Gebohq, Losien's brother and Main Character at the time the bet was made, be instrumental in defeating the villains who seek to destroy the NeS at the Source, then the souls of all the other heroes (including Al Ciao's) would be released from Hell's ownership. (Geb owns his own soul; or at least, Hell doesn't.) But if not, then Geb's soul would be forfeit as well.

Of course, there are several complications that could arise from this, namely:
(A) Al Ciao is no longer the ruler of Hell. Does that make the bet null and void? If so, then how shall the heroes recover the deeds to their souls?
(B) The bet specified that Geb would instrumental to stopping Knowsoul. At the time, this amalgamation of Darkside and Tsolo was the chief villain. (They have now been separated into their component entities, and made subservient to Michael Mc Longname.) Again, does this render the bet null and void? Or does it mean that they failed the bet, since technically, Michael McLongname stopped Knowsoul, even though he too is seeking to destroy the Source?
(C) Geb is no longer the Main Character and is not even with the heroes. Is there any way for the heroes NOT to fail?


SUB PLOT (2): Who's the Daddy?

Apple (see above) was injected with the DNA of Highemperor/Al Ciao by the recurring demonic villain High Imp, and subsequently also injected with the DNA of Losien by Evil Geb. She is rapidly gestating, already showing, and no one knows for certain which of the two will be her baby's "father".

Evil Geb explained to Apple that the actions she takes and the traits she displays will determine this. If she acts selfless and heroic, then the "father" will be Losien. If arrogant and controlling, then the former aspect of Al Ciao, Highemperor, will be the father.

Losien has pledged to be the "father", so that a noble and virtuous child may come into the world. Al Ciao, on the other hand, desperately wants the baby to be his, due to the fact that Darkside brought out his rampant desires to impregnate every woman he sees.

Of course, given some very vague, unresolved hints about just who this baby is, it may be likely that the baby will swing towards Al Ciao's traits... [/shameless Writer plug]

Further complicating things is the fact that Al's ex-girlfriend Mia is also pregnant. This one is most definitely his child, and it is only High Imp's attempt to thwart fate that led to Apple's predicament. (Due to the fact that the child of Highemperor and a red-headed woman was prophesied.)

Tsolo: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...

Tsolo stands before the congregation of heroes with Al Ciao and Lady DarkSide stood at the front. Somehow everyone has gotten their best clothes; sharp, handsome suits and lovely dresses - except Otter who still wears his Steampunk-wino suit.

The Otter: Heeeeeey.

Tsolo: ...and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. ...

The Last True Evil: That seems ironic...

Tsolo is stood with his wings spread wide, barring vision behind him, and the stage appears to be a church complete with dramatic stained glassed windows. Al Ciao, in his white tuxedo, has a face of sheer rapture. Lady DarkSide appears bored.

Soriel: You know, I'm sure we seem to have missed something here...

Tsolo: If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

There is a moment of silence. Then suddenly -

Apple: I object!!
Rachel: ... What? Seriously?

Apple: That man owes me some answers!

Apple thrusts a finger at Al Ciao.

Lady DarkSide: Great... one of your ex-girlfriends.

Al Ciao: No, we were never dating.

Lady DarkSide: Correction then. Ex-floosies.
Apple: What does Rosebud mean? And why did you say it before you died?

Maeve: He died?

The Otter: Uh, like a million times now.

Al Ciao: Uh, I didn't say that.

Apple: Yes you did, we all saw it in that Twice-Forgotten memory.

Al Ciao: A what?

Apple: Doesn't matter. In any case, you did say it. So what does it mean?

Al Ciao: I have no idea. Can I get married now?

Apple, who looks very strange in a pink frilly dress, is ushered back to her chair by Rachel and Maeve after a lot of grumbling.

Al Ciao: Okay, baby?

Lady DarkSide: If you ever call me "baby" again, I'll remove your spleen and make you eat it.

Al Ciao: Aww, you know how to say all of the right things.

------

Meanwhile Losien is on her knees and complaining.

Losien: Why am I all alone with all of this freaky crap?

Tsolo before her grins a bright, while smile amidst the darkness.

------

Rachel: What the Hell's he grinning at?

Maeve: Well, the idea of Al Ciao marrying DarkSide is pretty funny to me too!

The Illusionist (as a sexy bridesmaid): When is this thing over anyway?

Soriel: Why are you still here?

The Illusionist (as sexy bridesmaid): No idea.

Tsolo: Through marriage, Rosebud Emp --

Lady DarkSide: Wait, what? Who?

Al Ciao: Crapcakes.
Apple: NO WAY!

The Otter: Huh... and he always said his name was Prince... then King... really he just kept his name hidden all this time!

Maeve: HAHAHAHA! This is amazing!

Rachel rolls on the floor in fits of laughter.

Rachel: His... name... is... ROSEBUD!!

The Otter: I need a camera! I NEED a camera!!

Even the hard-nosed Soriel can't help but break into a smile.

The Last True Evil: He managed to keep that secret well.

Al Ciao: Actually I kind of forgot. Nobody ever called me that.

Lady DarkSide: Probably because you'd have had them beheaded back when anyone did know it.

Apple: I don't believe this.

Al Ciao: Wait, why does my... true name -

Fits of laughter erupt from everyone else in the room.

Al Ciao: ... matter to you.

Apple: Because... because... The name is significant to my backstory and when Citizen Rex was reported to have said it before his - your - death it was meant to be a plot reveal for my characterisation.

Soriel: We'll have none of that fourth-wall breaking round here.

Al Ciao: So, why is the name important to you?

Apple mumbles something.

Al Ciao: What?

Apple: It's my name too... [/SIZE]

Al Ciao: What?

Apple: Grrrr, it's MY NAME TOO!! My name is Rosebud!
The laughter in the church escalates, Rachel actually begins to cry and The Otter clutches his now aching stomach.

Al Ciao, otherwise known as Rosebud Emp, and Apple, otherwise also known as Rosebud, stand in disgrace. Until Al Ciao peaks -

Al Ciao: Wait, does this somehow improve my chances of being the daddy!!!!!?

------

Losien: Why do I feel like I'm missing out on something.

------

Al Ciao the Writer: You did not just rename my character to something stoopid!

Britt the Writer:

Meanwhile, on a pirate ship...

Voodoo Snowflakes: Forward, Number One!

Pirate Captain: You know, I'm the captain right?

Voodoo Snowflakes: Maybe one day, son. One day.

Voodoo Snowflakes, possessed by the space captain Sran Cadpill, pats the taller, uglier and much scarier pirate captain on the shoulder as though he were a young boy - and she wasn't a petite, blonde woman who was about as big as the guy's head.

Pirate Captain: Can you at least control your damned animal?

Voodoo Snowflakes: Sorry, good man, the kangaroo followed me here. Apparently I make a great English breakfast.

Pirate Captain: Speaking of which, we're finally nearing England. We'll head into London and drop you off at Canary Wharf.

Voodoo Snowflakes: I thought that wasn't open to commercial travel?

Pirate Captain: Current circumstances mean that shouldn't be a problem.

Voodoo Snowflakes: Ah! I detect the menace behind your tone, Number One! Trouble's afoot in London, right!?
Pirate Captain: You could say that, yeah.

Voodoo Snowflakes: Excellent! My space-time ocular observation probe and identifier is working soundly.

Pirate Captain: Your what?
Voodoo Snowflakes pulls out her device.

Pirate Captain: Isn't that a spoon?

Voodoo Snowflakes: A clever disguise, right!? It's my space-time ocular observation probe and identifier! The abbreviation is STOOP-ID.

The Pirate Captain slams his large palm into his face.

------

Evil G: [/B] AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!!
Subaru: Are you being serious?

Evil G: Not really, but I do think everyone should take a look at this message.

Antestarr: You know it's the middle of the night, right?

Subaru: You're a frickin' vampire!

Antestarr:

Evil G: Are you really still being all emo about that? What do you get to the acceptance phase?

Subaru: Just wait 'til he rips his shirt off and flashes his oh-so-shiny skin.

Antestarr: You know I wouldn't do that, Subaru.

Subaru: ...

Antestarr: Because this is the skin of a KILLER!!

Evil G: You know, I think there's a stake or two left over from the last time Van Helsing came running through here on one of his vampire hunts.

Krig: Krig think we not hurt friend Antestarr.

Evil G: Chill, little man. I was just joking.

Krig: Krig not small! Krig stout.

Evil G: Uh, right.

Antestarr: What the Hell did you all wake us up for anyway? I've got anguish duties - uh, I mean patrol duties.

Subaru: Patrolling for your other girlfriend?
Evil G: I wonder which of you would win the melodramatic award for this story arc?
Subaru: I wonder if you'll live 'til the end of this story arc.

Evil G: Whatever Trevor.
Krig: Trevor? Who Trevor?

Evil G: Krig, please stop thinking I feel my own IQ being sapped.

Krig: ... Uh, what IQ mean?

Evil G: Exactly. There's been some kind of alarm on our systems.

Subaru: This place has systems?

Antestarr: Sure. We've got all kinds of advanced tech here that no one ever uses. We even had Gebohq in stasis once.

Evil G: Seriously?

Antestarr: He got better.

Evil G: Right... well the alarm is saying that's there's a big fight going on above London.

Subaru: A fight? That's it?

Evil G: [/B] Did I say fight? I meant war.

Subaru: Whoa!

Evil G: And there's a few Characters out there too.
Subaru: What do you mean?
Evil G: Like... our people. Hero types I think.

Subaru: You're no hero. You're a villain. Why are you even considering helping with this?

Evil G: Boredom?

Antestarr: Alright, let's go.

Evil G: Wait!

Antestarr: What?

Evil G: We should totally take Emperor Pi with us.

Subaru: Why!? He has to stay here and wait for Rachel!

Evil G: He's an old dude and... Chinese!!!

Subaru & Antestarr: ... huh?

Evil G: So he must be a KUNG FU MASTER!

Subaru & Antestarr:

Krig: Krig think Meanie Geb being racist.

Evil G: Okay fine, whatever. But I'm still right. And we know he has those mystical powers!

Subaru: We do?

Evil G: He lives in a flying city!

Antestarr: Right. Fine. If he wants to come, we'll take him. What's the worst that could happen.

Krig: Krig think Antestarr jinx us.

Antestarr: How do we get there?

Subaru: I have a jet.

Evil G: You do?

Subaru: Well, Mimiru does. But what Mimiru has, Subaru has.

Evil G & Antestarr: ...

Subaru: Okay, I know how that sounded...

Antestarr: Hey, it's all good!

Subaru: You would say that, now that we all know you're a cheating pervert!

Antestarr: So I get forcibly bitten whilst dying and I'm chastised. You, on the other hand, get to engage in a lesbian relationship with a married woman and that's fine?

Antestarr: I am NOT in a les-

Evil G: Okay, seriously, he's winding you up to annoy you. Now if you two have finished having your latest spat, can we go?

MZZT: They're all still unconscious and safe, Gebohq.

MZZT, technological whiz for the NeS Heroes, peers through the portal he generated to connect the Haunted Hall of Heroes in the Eighth Dimension with the former Hall of Heroes located within Big Ben in the city of London. Which would have meant instantaneous travel from the HHH to London for our idiot heroes that completely forgot about the portal -

----------

Evil G: Heeeeeeey!


----------

- MZZT and our former Main Character, Gebohq, have been keeping an eye on the unconscious Main Cast whose bodies are trapped in a trance-like state to allow their minds to enter Memory Lane in front of a projector-like device.

Gebohq: I feel like this current story arc is full of holes.

MZZT: Shhh! You'll only attract their attention and we'll wind up with my papers flying everywhere.

Suddenly the whole of Big Ben shudders.

Gebohq: What the Hell was that!?

MZZT: I have no idea. Let's look outside.
Gebohq: You have some advanced cameras on this thing?

MZZT: Not quite.

He pushes a button and one of the large clock-faces opens up to reveal the city of London before them.

Gebohq: Cool.

Outside they see a war-torn scene of fires, explosions and rage. Angels and demons ravage London as they attack and maim one another without considering the poor, unfortunate cockneys.

Gebohq: Did someone change the name of London to Tokyo at some point? I mean seriously, how many times?
MZZT: Well... this could be a problem. If one of them hits Big Ben they might hit my totally awesome portal machine -

Gebohq: Great, you're bothered about the machine and not us!?

MZZT: Well if they hit us, we'll only be dead.
Gebohq: ... and the machine?

MZZT: Well it's a distortion of space-time... we could be trapped beyond time forever. Probably it would take the whole of London with it.

Gebohq: Why did you build it!?

MZZT: Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Suddenly two angels come speeding towards the open clock-face.

Gebohq: Somebody jinxed us.

MZZT: Close the door... window... thingy!

They struggle and fight with the clock-face as it seems to closely crawl to a close. But, with a final clunk, it shuts and the two of them breathe a sigh of relief and exchange nervous chuckles. The glass of the clock-face smashes as the two angels burst through it like it was... well glass, idiots.

MZZT: Quiet you.

Gebohq: Fuq.

One angel kicks the other off of her and she hops to her feet with a heroic pose.

Gebohq: Seraphim!

Seraphim: NeS Heroes? What're you doing here?

Gebohq: Pretty sure that's my line. Why are you fighting another angel?

Angel Warrior: Because she's a heretic!

MZZT: Wow. She's a Fallen Angel!

Gebohq: ... is it me or did she just get even more attractive?

MZZT: I couldn't agree more.

Seraphim, unmoved by the boys' proclamations, beat her broad wings, which was impressive within such a confined space, before shooting up and smashing through the ceiling. The Angel flew after her.

Gebohq and MZZT stand underneath the hole and stare upwards into the Rotatin' Chikin' Shack where they see the two angels crash into the indestructible ceiling and flutter uneasily away from their view.

MZZT: This day just got weirder.

Up above, a young woman's face appears at the top of the whole. A face that looks suspiciously like someone they both knew.

Iriana Emp: I say, down there! Aren't you friends of my father?

Gebohq: And weirder still...

Michael McLongname sits back tiredly in a Barca-lounger, conjured from the mists of Memory Lane. This particular Barcalounger is snatched from the memories of Losien, for in the house she grew up, her older brother Geb was perpetually in that lounge chair, from whence he learned his laziness. Michael is tiredly curling and uncurling his fingers, trying to stretch the kinks out of them.

Michael: Wow. Operating a remote control is sooooooo tiring.

Wow, I think you snatched more than just Geb's Barcalounger out of Losien's memory.

Michael: I'm sure I don't know what you mean.

The Twice-Forgotten Shade cranes his neck behind him to see Tsolo conducting an evil wedding to disguise his isolation of Losien.

Michael: That idiot! I told him to isolate ALL the heroes!

Well, that kind of thing tends to happen when people forget your orders as soon as you leave.

Michael: I haven't left! I'm right here!

Out of sight, out of mind.

Michael:

-----

Tsolo: ...to have and to hold, till death do you part?

Amal: Isn't Al already dead?

Al Rosebud Ciao: I do.

Tsolo: And do you, Darra K. Sayid, take Rosebud Emp--

Other Heroes: *snort*

Tsolo: --to be your unlawfully wedded husband, to--

Darkside: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Tsolo: Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you unholy husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Al: Pucker up!

Darkside: Kiss me and die.

Al: I'm already dead

Soriel: Wait. If Rosebud--

Other Heroes: *guffaw*

Al:

Soriel: --is already dead, how can he have, er, fertilized Mrs. Rosebud Emp nee Sayid?

Al: My Writer assures me it's been taken care of.

Soriel raises his eyebrow skeptically.

Rachel: To be fair, Soriel, you're an anime inspired character, and I'm pretty sure anime is infamous for stories in which ghost lovers are fertile.

-----

Britt the Writer: So, wait, how exactly has it been taken care of?

Al Ciao the Writer: Well, in the Twilight series, Edward's an undead vampire who's still able to impregnate a living woman.

Britt the Writer: So how does that relate to the NeS :armscrossed:

Al Ciao the Writer scrolls up on his computer screen.

[quote=Britt the Writer]Subaru: Just wait 'til he rips his shirt off and flashes his oh-so-shiny skin. [/quote]
Britt the Writer:

-----

The scene: London in chaos.

The plot: All out war between Heaven and Hell.

The time: Now.

Celestial fire and hellfire spit across the sky, but there's not that much difference between them, in that they both hurt and they both cause a lot of collateral destruction. Not that it makes too much difference to London, which is still ravaged from Helebon's brief dominion over Britain. In fact, Britain is still officially known on the books as the Dominion of Bleeding Eyes.

In Big Ben, however, a relatively less dangerous event is taking place.

MZZT: Who are you? You do look kinda familiar.

Geb: She's Al's daughter.

MZZT: o_O What.

Iriana: Uncle Geb! You remember me!

She climbs gingerly down the wreckage from the hole in the Chikin Chateau's floor, aka the Big Ben Hall of Heroes' ceiling, and gives Geb a hug, which he returns somewhat awkwardly.

Geb: I haven't seen you in ages. I know I visited occasionally to keep an eye on you while, um, your Dad was gone. But you remember me that well?

Iriana: Well, Daddy dragged me into some melodramatic tripe 8 or 9 years ago, where he shattered the story, which then was subsidized into an alternate universe, and I saw a lot of your alternate future self.

MZZT: What.

Geb pales.

Geb: Evil Geb?!

Iriana: Well, he really prefers "Evil G", but y'all are always my Unca Gebby!

Geb: What are you doing here anyway? There's a war going on!

Iriana rolls her eyes.

Iriana: I'm not a CHILD, Uncle Geb. And remember I'm an Atlantean princess too!

MZZT: What.

Geb: Atlantis? Never heard of it.

Iriana pouts.

Iriana: I've told you like a MILLION times. It was this little old village 12,000 years ago that sank into the ocean.

Geb: How does a tiny village rate a princess? And what does your being a princess have to do with anything?

Iriana: It makes me automatically competent!

Geb: Um, don't you mean just a damsel?

Al's daughter swats him.

Iriana: This is the modern era. I'm a kickass princess! Like She-Ra, Princess of Power!

MZZT finally finds his voice.

MZZT: Do you have a magic sword that transforms you into an avatar of war?

Iriana: Well, no.

MZZT: Do you have a unicorn steed?

Iriana: No, but...

MZZT: Then how the hell are you a kickass princess?

Iriana pulls out her briefcase from Hammerspace and opens it, revealing shiny soul tokens in gold and silver denominations. Geb & MZZT's eyes boggle.

Iriana: I'm stinkin', filthy rich. Now that's the greatest superpower of them all.

Outside the shattered Big Ben clockface, currently unnoticed by our inactive NeS heroes due to the shinies, a private jet looking for a place to land, crashes into the battered Hero Force One Hovercarrier, the nose piercing the hull. The boarding hatch is inside the hull, and Antestarr kicks it open.

Ante: I thought you said you could fly this thing!

Evil Geb: Sure! Never promised anything about landing.

Subaru: *groan* Mimiru's gonna KILL me...

Emperor Pi: Ugh... Why couldn't we have taken one of my flying gondolas? Much slower and gentler. I could use some tea about now.

Evil Geb: Why did we bring him again?

Antestarr: Cuz he's a kung fu MASTER!

Subaru: He's NOT a--

Emperor Pi: Way to give it away, Ante-san.

Evil Geb & Subaru:

Ante:

Evil Geb: But, but...why are you totally giving in to racial stereotyping?

Emperor Pi: I don't have a say in the matter. Glitter-skin here invoked the trope, and naturally the NeS flowed into it, like a wheelbarrow into a rut.

Ante: I do NOT have sparkly--

At that moment, Seraphim crashes through the ceiling above them, fightng yet another angel. The angel is a higher-ranking seraph, and is glowing with celestial light...which reflects off Ante's skin, making him blindingly bright.

Ante: Damnit!

Britt the Writer: Ooooooooooooh. They were all meant to be isolated from each other!? Not just Losien. I get it now.

Gebohq the Writer: ...

Britt the Writer: Urm... derp?

----------

On Memory Lane, at the illustrious wedding of (Lady) DarkSide and Al (Rosebud) Ciao the heroes, bar Losien, are enjoying the after-party. Particularly thee free booze and the buffet.

Picking tiny sausages for her plate Rachel meets the new groom.

Rachel: So, Al. Question for you.

Al Ciao: Sure, shoot.

Rachel: What's to stop your new bride turning back into a man?

Al Ciao: ...

Rachel: Well?

Al Ciao:

----------

Behind the wings of the two-sided Tsolo, Losien scrambles away from the menacing figure. Initially she had to endure a tormenting monologue from the fiend that sounded an awful lot like marriage vows, reminding her of her love The Last True Evil and how she had recently been somewhat unfaithful to him.

Losien: Somewhat? I had sex with... a woman!

Maeve: And it was goooooooood.

Losien: Holy crapcakes! Maeve! How'd you get here?

Maeve: What? Aren't you happy to see me? Just you and me. Alone.
Losien: Look, Maeve. What happened between us was... a mistake.

Maeve: Did it feel like a mistake at the time?
Losien: Well no. But I was still under the influence from my dark side.

Maeve: So you'd deny a part of yourself? For what?

Losien: For... him.

Maeve: Can't you have both?

Maeve smiles a dark, wicked smile.

Losien: No. I love TLTE. I made a commitment to him and him alone. He is my one.

Maeve steps to one side and from the shadows one of the Mysterious Figures surrounding her steps forward.

The Last True Evil (Mysterious Figure): Dorogoy... You have... destroyed me.

----------

Al Ciao: So, my love -

(Lady) DarkSide: Don't call me that.

Al Ciao: Um... right. I was thinking... maybe... you could... y'know. Have hair?

(Lady) DarkSide: But I like being bald!

Al Ciao: Well, I know. And it suits you! But, I was thinking, if you could be a bit more... feminine.

(Lady) DarkSide: You didn't mind before.

Al Ciao: I know! And bald is totally cool! But I was... just... concerned about... like, our future. Or something.

(Lady) DarkSide: Okay, fine. Whatever.

DarkSide changes her appearance again, now appearing to have incredibly long dark hair that curls all the way to the floor at her feet.

Al Ciao: Whoa!!? I didn't mean that long!

(Lady) DarkSide: ...

Al Ciao: You know what. Doesn't matter. It's fine. It's cool like this. Totally awesome.

----------

Losien: TLTE! I'm so sorry! My love, it wasn't me. It wasn't me in control.

She runs over to him and clutches his coat lapels.

The Last True Evil (Mysterious Figure): But it was your innermost desire. It was you. A part of you.

Losien looks downcast and rests her head upon his chest.

Losien: That's not fair. I'm not perfect, no one is. I was exploited. Used. You were once a villain, do you remember?

She looks up at him.

Losien: You might have killed me once. I do not hold that against you, you were a different man.

The Last True Evil (Mysterious Figure): But I chose the righteous path, for you.

Losien: And my choice was taken from me!

She pulls away from him in anger. Anger that he refused to understand her.

Apple(Mysterious Figure): And what about me?
Losien: Uh... Apple?

Apple (Mysterious Figure): That's right. The new kid. The one you barely acknowledge save for one thing.

----------

Maeve: So, who do you think will get married next?

There is a moment of silence that passes between Rachel and Maeve as they stand at the buffet table.

Rachel: Was that a proposition? You know I'm not gay, right?

Maeve: How do you know 'til you've tried?

Rachel: You're like The Otter on overdrive, you know that? Are all British people like this?

Maeve: I bloody wish.

----------

Apple, having emerged from the group of Mysterious Figures, rubs a hand over her pregnant stomach.

Losien: The baby.

Apple(Mysterious Figure): The baby?

Losien: Well, I don't know if it's mine yet. It might be Al's.

Apple(Mysterious Figure): This isn't some DNA result. It's your choice! You can make this child your own!

Losien: I... don't think I'm ready for that.
Apple(Mysterious Figure): So you'll allow the child to become Highemperor's? Remember this isn't the goofy Al Ciao you know and... tolerate. Highemperor, the Powergamer.

Losien: ...

Apple(Mysterious Figure): Are you going to take responsibility as a hero or allow darker forces of the NeS to reign?

Losien: ...

Apple(Mysterious Figure): What kind of hero are you? A coward? What would your brother do?

The Last True Evil(Mysterious Figure): Now he is a coward.

Apple(Mysterious Figure): But even he would accept and deal with this, wouldn't he? What does that make her?

Rachel(Mysterious Figure): Gebohq was a true Main Character. She's nothing but a shadow of him.

----------

The Otter: How was it being a bridesmaid?

The Last True Evil: ...

The Otter: You really are pretty in pink, you know? Suits you! It goes with your eyes!

The Last True Evil: ...

The Otter: You and the other girls. It was really difficult to choose the prettiest!

The Last True Evil: One day. I will kill you for this.

The Otter:

*Meanwhile MZZT and Geb continue to chill in their secret hero hideout which is not really that secret anymore because it's got some kind of revolving restaurant built into the top but whatever.*

MZZT: Wow so apparently England's been burning this whole time.

Gebohq: I guess I forgot.

MZZT: Yeah me too.

*A long, awkward pause follows as the two heroes and the rich princess stare at eachother.*

Gebohq: So, like...why did we come here again?

MZZT: I forget.

Irania: You guys are wierd.

*Geb shrugs.*

Gebohq: Meh. I'm not the main character anymore.

Irania: You mean you're not here to gather the NeS heroes, end the war, and restore peace to the countryside?

Gebohq: Nope. There's already another hero thing that does that thing, and stuff...and stuff...

MZZT: Plus they have some kind of flying hovership-mobile.

*The trio looks out the window at the imposing Hero Force One hovership hanging in the sky.*

Gebohq: ...So all things considered I think it's best that we leave the heroing to the professionals and the slacking to the guys like me.

*Exasperated by his lack of initiative, Irania tries to think of a new tack to convince Geb to take up the fight. MZZT checks the Hall of Heroes mailbox.*

MZZT: Hey Geb, looks like you got a letter!

Gebohq: Sweet!

*Gebohq grabs the envelope and tears it open.*

Gebohq: "Dear Sir or Madam, I wish to inform you that you have been selected to interview for the job of Associate Professor (Law) at the prestigious Cambridge University." Now *this* is what I'm talking about!

Irania: So you're just going to ignore the inter-dimensional war and go for a job interview?!

Gebohq: Yep. As a guy who is no longer the main character, epic battles of death no longer interest me. Now, I wonder if any of my business casual outfits are still here...

*Geb wanders off to explore the HoH and look for his fancy clothes. Irania calls after him.*

Irania: What even qualifies you to be a law professor anyway?

MZZT: Well, as heroes we often inadvertantly caused a lot of property damage, and since Geb was our fearless leader he was the one who had to go to court when people sued.

Irania: Really.

MZZT: Yeah, he's actually quite knowledgeable when it comes to legal issues. Of course, most of this stuff would have been glossed over or skipped entirely by the writers because it's not very exciting, but I remember those times well...

*The Law and Order theme song strikes up as a montage of all the greatest "Gebohq Court Appearance" moments flashes past.*

Irania: Unbelievable.

MZZT: Hey, so I heard you're a princess. That must be exciting.

In the HoH; London;

Iriana: Yes, that's right. I am a Princess of... somewhere. I don't know much about the place. It sank apparently.

MZZT: Oh. Well that blows. So, why are you still a Princess when there's nowhere you can be Princess of?

Iriana: No idea but it meant I had to spend most of my life on a poxy little island with a bunch of slaves to act upon my every whim.

MZZT: Uh... yeah. Sounds horrific.

Iriana: T'was. But now I am free of my confines and plan to...

MZZT: ...to what?

Iriana: Actually I have no idea. I'll figure that part out later. Maybe reclaim my Kingdom.

MZZT: Shouldn't that be Queendom?

Iriana: True! I won't be having a male dominated lineage. Queendom it is!

Iriana sips on a cup of tea from a delicate china cup that apparently appeared from the ether.

Iriana: And you can be my first vassal.

MZZT: Erm. I'm not sure that's-

Iriana: I could make Gebohq my vassal... but I think he'd be better suited as a stable boy.

MZZT: I think he just got a new job already.

Iriana: I will also need a minister of the interior. Whatever one of those is.

MZZT: Did you just... ignore me?

Iriana: And some knights! Or are those the same as vassals?

MZZT: ...

Iriana: And I think someone should pay homage to me. Whatever homage is.

MZZT: Can I just go with Geb to his interview?

Iriana: No you may not.

MZZT: Right, so now you hear me? Selective hearing much?

Gebohq appears in his "fancy clothes".

MZZT: Is that a Link cosplay costume?

Gebohq: Yes! How does it look? I think green is really my colour.

MZZT: I've changed my mind, Princess. I'll be your vassal.

Iriana: I already know you're my vassal! Here's some tea. It's got mint in it.

Suddenly a blast of holy energy bursts through the wall and demolishes the opposite wall as it blasts its way toward some demon on the other side of Big Ben. Apparently flying around the gigantic clock was too much to ask of the angel in question.

MZZT and Gebohq cower for their lives. Iriana sips more tea.

Iriana: I suppose I'll need to find a Prince so that I can have a land to be a Princess of. Or a King. Actually King would be better. He already has a Kingdom, rather than sitting around waiting for his dad to pop his clogs.

In the Massassi writers' offices, Britt suddenly discovers that he can no longer hear the blaring of the video game Skyrim coming from Al Ciao the Writer's PC speakers. He roves the aisles between cubicles curiously, and is heartened to the loud pecking and smacking of keys. At last, another writer is producing a post! As he darkens the entry of Al's cubicle, a broad - one might say foolish - grin paints his face as he watches Al pounding furiously away.

Britt the Writer: Heyyyyyyy, Alllll, whatcha doin'?

Al keeps typing madly. His eyes do not leave the screen, nor his fingers break stride, as he answers.

Al the Writer: Gotten energized to work on 4 old stories that I haven't touched in way too long.

Britt's heart thuds to his stomach in disappointment. Suppressing a sigh, he tries a different approach.

Britt the Writer: I noticed that no one *AHEM* has posted after me in a while!

Al answers distractedly, his fingers never pausing nor his gaze straying from the screen.

Al the Writer: This is true. Tsk, tsk, Geb and Tracer shouldn't be so lazy.

Britt the Writer: .......

*Geb and MZZT are hiding underneath a table in the ruined Hall of Heroes!*

Geb: You know, I'm really not liking it here anymore.

*A barrage of rockets flies overhead, headed towards the Hero Force One Hovercarrier.*

Geb: Do you want to leave? I want to leave.

*The sounds of gunfire and random screaming echoes from the streets below.*

MZZT: I think I would enjoy that!

Irania: Onward, loyal subjects!

MZZT: Yes, your highnessness!

*MZZT scampers up and holds the door open for his princess. Geb watches his friend in dismay.*

Geb: MZZT, buddy, we've known each other for a long time so I'm going to be honest with you here: she's not really royalty.

*MZZT gasps.*

Irania: Silence!

MZZT: Geb, you'll anger her majesty the princess!

Geb: Big deal. What's she going to do?

Irania: That's it! Off with his head!

MZZT: Gebby, no!

*An awkward silence follows.*

Irania: ...there seems to be no guillotine present.

Geb: See?

Irania: It doesn't matter! I'll chop your head off at a later date. When you're least expecting it.

*Terrified for his friend, MZZT's voice is barely a whisper.*

MZZT: Gebby...

Geb: Anyway, it's job interview time. Resumes ahoy!

*A bird flies in through one of the gaping holes in the wall and lands on the table next to the trio. Geb reaches out, plucks a feather from the bird, and fixes it in his green cap which completes the Link costume he owns for some reason.*

Geb: Onward!

Irania: Onward!

NSP: I'm going back to China and I have no idea when I'll next be able to post. I really wanted to make one before I went off the edge of the map though.

----------

In the Writer's Realm;

Britt the Writer is stood atop of a small boat, striking a dramatic sailory pose as he sails across the water.

Britt the Writer: Back to the jungles of China I go!

Gebohq the Writer: Dude, you totally flooded our HQ!

Tracer the Writer: I think there're crocodiles in here...

Britt the Writer: Off the edge of the map!

Britt the Writer's boat smashes through one of the windows and plunges down his own make-shift waterfall. Tracer and Gebohq the Writers are left staring at a very angry crocodile.

Tracer the Writer: Wait, where's Al Ciao the Writer?

The crocodile burps.

----------

On Memory Lane;

Soriel: I feel like we're missing something.

Rachel: Al Ciao just got married to Darkside. I'd say we're missing a lot.

Soriel: That's not what I meant.

Soriel: ...

Soriel: But you do make a valid point.

Rachel: We're so messed up by this story world that we just accept some of the most disturbing shi-

Al Ciao: It's not disturbing! It's love!!!

Soriel & Rachel:

----------

Memory Lane, Behind the Veil;

The Otter (Mysterious Figure): And how you've betrayed me. Let me down. Taken me for granted and never allowed me to develop or grow. I loved you once, you know?

Losien: You did?

The Otter (Mysterious Figure): Well, to be fair, I've loved every woman the NeS has offered thus far, but yes!

Soriel (Mysterious Figure): You took my possessions from me, left me weak and useless and you still failed to stop Tsolo. You held such power only to find yourself useless and let the rest of us down, left for dead somewhere. Forgotten and trapped.

Losien: ...

Al Ciao (Mysterious Figure): You forced me to change. To tone myself down. To be a fraction of what I was, of what I could be.

Losien: You were powerplaying!

Al Ciao (Mysterious Figure): What gave you the right to decide whether that's right or wrong? You're barely even a true hero. You're nothing compared to the old days of the NeS.

Amal: And what about me? You toyed with my heart, left me confused and I'm supposed to just forget what I felt for you when Uncle TLTE wasn't here? It's too hard. I can't do that, I shouldn't have to do that!

Losien: I can't help that! It's not my fault!

Amal: It's not your fault? What kind of Main Character are you!? Take responsibility!

Losien stares at her friends, her heroes, her team. All those she had been with just a short time ago as allies were now standing before her with dark faces of hatred and disgust. But there was one shadow left.

It steps forward.

Losien (Mysterious Figure): Every hero must eventually face... themselves.

Losien (Mysterious Figure) draws a blade, just like Fred teh Uber Blade but it is coloured red. Losien's own hand nudges something on the ground as she tries to drag herself away.

Fred, teh Uber Blade: Pick me up, you dumb broad. [/SIZE][/COLOR]

Losien's hand grasps the hilt.

Fred, teh Uber Blade: Oh yeah, baby. Just like that. [/SIZE][/COLOR]

Losien: SILENCE BLADE! I'm trying to have an epic moment here!!!

B.U.M.P.!

Losien: Bad Fred!

Fred, teh Uber Blade:

In the Massassi Offices of the Writers' Realm there is the sound of cannon fire, followed by the sound of splintering wood and shattered glass.

Tracer the Writer: Why is he firing cannonballs from his office!?

Al Ciao the Writer: He thinks he's in the Chinese jungle!

Tracer the Writer: I really don't think that answered my question.

From within Britt the Writers' Office come the sounds of fighting and screaming.

Tracer the Writer: I think we should take the day off. Wait, weren't you eaten by a crocodile.

Al Ciao the Writer: Yes.

Tracer looks behind them to see the majority of Al Ciao is still within the crocodile, only his head and shoulders have managed to wriggle free. For some reason the crocodile hasn't clamped down its massive jaws yet.

Tracer the Writer: I'm going to take that day off now.

Al Ciao the Writer: Great!!

Tracer the Writer: By myself...

Al Ciao the Writer: Awwww...

----------

In London Gebohq skips into his new work place, still wearing his Link costume and he is now playing the ocarina. Badly.

Iriana Emp: So... is he my Fool?

MZZT: I think he's everyone's fool.

-----------

Back in Losien's own personal space;

Fred, Teh Uber Blade: OMG, WAIT!!

Losien: What!? What is it!?

Fred, Teh Uber Blade: She's holding another me right?

Losien: Right...

Fred, Teh Uber Blade: Then please put me down.

Losien: What? Why? Do you have some plan?

Fred, Teh Uber Blade: There's absolutely no way I'm going to "cross blades" with another dude sword. Especially not myself!

Losien: Why didn't I keep my brother's NeSword?

In the rugged snowy wastes of...some random mountain range somewhere...an intrepid postal service truck navigates sharp turns and narrow cliffside roads. The driver will perhaps be familiar to some longtime viewers.

Random Audience Member #1: Ooooh, oooooh, I know! It's Jim Seven!

Random Audience Member #2: Naw, you eejit, Jim drives a go kart.

Random Audience Member #1: Yeah, but he was called away from that go kart a couple pages ago, for some unimportant reason which I can't recall. Farr's driving the go kart now!

Random Audience Member #3: You're both crazy. It's clearly Galvatron.

Random Audience Member #2: Nuh-uh. It's a random bystander that got popped off in the Arena a thousand and one pages ago!

Anyway... the postal truck gradually winds up the road to a lonely cabin near the peak. The driver is murmuring encouragement to himself.

Driver: Excelsior! Ever onward, ever upward!

Random Audience #1: Aha! It's Stan Lee!

Finally the truck pulls up in front of the cabin. Out of the truck pops--

Random Audience Member #1: Stan Lee!

Random Audience Member #2: Random Bystander!

Random Audience Member #3: Galvatron!

--Phil the former UGO driver.

RAM's:

The UGO-driver-cum-postman gets out, carrying a large package, saying "This side up" on opposite sides. Each side has an arrow pointing a different way; of course, with the way Phil is holding out, neither arrow is pointing up at the moment. Going to the cabin door, he knocks, and the door soon creaks open, revealing--

Random Audience Member #1: Farr!

Random Audience Member #2: Random Audience Member #3!

Random Audience Member #3: Burby-- wait, what?

--The Last True Evil the Boromir Rip-off. Long thought dead, he is too good of an old, albeit now defunct, running joke to truly die. Now forgotten, he lives on this mountaintop, away from the affairs of Twin Suns and Tsolo and the other Forgotten.

TLTE the Boromir Rip-off: Greetings, tovarish. Haven't seen you since last Christmas.

Phil: Well, you know your dear maiden aunt loves sending you these knitted sweaters every year.

TLTE the Boromir: How true. Still, it's awfully benevolent of a postman, to come all this way upwards for that. I doubt that truck is much in the way of mobility.

Random Audience Member #1: You have GOT to be kidding me.

Random Audience Member #2: That is sooooooo lame.

Random Audience Member #3: I want my money back.

Erm... we don't charge for admission.

Random Audience Member #3: WHAT?! But I gave $50 to... Dammit!

He runs off, chasing after the random swindler. Much luck may he have.

Somewhere...

Phil the UGO Driver: You see... the real reason I'm so dedicated to delivering you the mail is... I am your father!!!

TLTE The Boromir Rip-Off: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, aren't I a clone?

Phil the UGO Driver: Yes... that's because I am actually... the father of THE LAST TRUE EVIL!!!!

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

TLTE the Boromir Rip-Off: Wait, isn't The Last True Evil a clone of The Original Last True Evil?

Phil the UGO Driver: How do you remember this trivia from a billion pages ag-- Right, you're a TLTE clone yourself.

TLTE the Boromir Rip-Off: Eh, I have a cousin who specializes in family history. Some long appellation I can't recall - involves being an award winning novelist and jazz pianist.

Phil the UGO Driver: Yes, well... I am actually... RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER #3's father!!!!

Boromir the Last True Evil Rip-Off: Wait, what?

Phil the UGO Driver: No really...Random Audience Member #3 is actually the Original Last True Evil incognito.

The Last True Evil the Boromir Rip-Off: Sure he is. What makes you think that?

Phil the UGO Driver: He told me so!

TLTETBRO: And you believed him?

Phil: He's my son! He wouldn't lie!

TLTETBRO: If he's the original Russian super secret agent, then yes, yes he would.

Phil: Maybe...but he was roarin' drunk at the time.

TLTETBRO: ...which lends even less credulity to his claim.

Phil: Well, why doncha ask him now!

A spotlight shines down on the audience, revealing...an empty chair.

Random Audience Member #1: Sorry, he left to get back $50 a dude swindled from him.

TLTETBRO: Perhaps it's just me, but it doesn't seem like a Russian secret agent would be scammed so easily.

Phil: But...but...

TLTETBRO's very outdated Hero watch beeps.

TLTETBRO: Whoa! I'm being called to action! Again! After so long!

He runs into the cabin, puts on one of his aunt's knitted sweaters, and comes back out. He checks his compass, then slowly trudges off down the mountain.

Phil the UGO Driver: Er...what's the mission?

TLTETBRO: A Hobbit is in need of a last-minute rescue.

Phil the UGO Driver: So, um, you're ambling very slowly?

TLTETBRO: Sure, why not? Last minute rescues always happen at the last minute, regardless of how quickly or slowly the rescuer gets there. The NeS gods signed a pact with hell to borrow some of Canada's weird time.

Phil the UGO Driver: Right, the concept of time is weird in hell, and all that. Need a lift?

TLTETBRO: Sure, beats walking.

Phil the UGO Driver: Hrm, wait, I'm not allowed to take passengers. Oh! But I have a solution to that problem!

**********

On Memory Lane!

Shadow of Fred the Uber Blade: Whoa! I have a good point there. Put me down, too!

Shadow Losien: Oh, come on now! She's putting down her sword!

Losien: I am NOT.

Fred: Oh yes you are!

Shadow Losien: Okay, what if we BOTH put down our swords?

Shadow Fred: Oooooh, yes! Girls wrestling! In mud!

Shadow Losien: SILENCE, BLADE! There is no mud!

Shadow Fred: There should be.

Losien and Shadow Losien put down their Freds. Losien raises her fists.

Losien: Put up them dukes, sister!

Shadow Losien: Nah. How about this!

Shadow Losien pulls a longbow out of Hammerspace, nocks an arrow, pulls back, taking deadly aim at Losien.

Losien: GULP!

The arrow flies through the murky air of Memory Lane, and time goes into slow motion.

Shadow Losien: Seriously? That'll just give her plenty of time to dodge!

Losien: Actually, I'm sorta transfixed, like a deer in the headlights.

Shadow Losien: Oh, right. Thank Bhac for tropes!

As the arrow continues its slow motion flight, a large man wearing a knitted sweater and covered in postage stamps leaps in front of the projectile, shielding Losien! He screams in agony as the arrow pierces his leg, and he falls to the ground. Losien gasps, and kneels to the ground, cradling his prone form.

Losien: But...why? Who are you?

TLTETBRO: I used to be... a Character like you...then I took an arrow...in the knee...

His last words trail off into a fluttering whisper, and his eyes close as his head falls back.

Losien: Oh come off it. Worst that'll happen is you have arthritis in that joint for the rest of your life.

TLTETBRO: Oh, right. Sorry, I'm used to dramatic death scenes.

Behind him comes Phil the UGO Driver in the postal truck.

Phil: You REALLY didn't have to do a tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle.

TLTETBRO: Yes, I did, because DRAMA!

Phil: So wait, where's the Hobbit?

Losien flinches.

Shadow Losien: Why don't you tell them our story, "sister"?

She grins sinisterly, and a flashback forms before their eyes...

Little Los: Mummy, something's wrong with me! I'm... growing hair in...weird places!

Mrs. Geb's Mom: Oh, that's perfectly natural, honey. At a certain age, we ladyfolk start getting hair in unladylike places.

Little Los: But I've never seen hair on your feet...

Mrs. Geb's Mom: Well, that's because I shav-- wait, what? You have hair on your FEET?

Little Los: Oh no, mummy! Is that bad?

Mrs. Geb's Mom: No, but...I suppose it's time to finally tell you.

Little Los: What, what?

Mrs. Geb's Mom: Your father is half-hobbit.

*****

In the Massassi Writer's office!

Geb the Writer: No, no, no, Al. Geb's father is an Everyman! That means generic Caucasian! It's the mother that's a mutt.

Britt the Writer: Sort of a rude way to talk about your mum, don't you think?

Al the Writer: Yeah! I'm gonna call her up and tell her you said that!

Geb the Writer: Wait, no, please! DON'T!

With Geb the Writer/Editor thus distracted, Al the Writer goes back to writing his post.

*****

Losien: My dark secret, revealed.

In London;

Gebohq: I feel like... my past is being... fondled by a hairy gorilla.

MZZT: I know how you feel.

Iriana Emp: Uh... you do?

MZTT: Last year when I was in the jungle --

Iriana Emp: EEK! QUIET!

----------

Elsewhere in London our secondary band of heroes are gazing up at the amazingly epic battle of epic proportions that rages on in the skies above the city.

Subaru: When did London become the new Tokyo anyway?

Antestarr: What?

Subaru: I always though the epic, crazy stuff happened there?

Evil G: No no, that's only when freaky monsters are involved.

Subaru: Uh... right. I just remember a lot of screaming and burning when I was a kid. So how do we convince this lot to stop beating the crap out of each other?

Evil G: We beat them all up ourselves. Then they can't hit each other!

Subaru: Wow... sheer genius...

Evil G: Why thank you!

Antestarr: Maybe we should start with contacting Hero Force One? They seem to be caught up in the middle of all this.

Subaru: Do we really have to? They're *******s.

Antestarr: Would you prefer Geb's plan?

Evil G: That's Evil G to you, fella.

Subaru: Okay. Point taken. How do we contact them?

Antestarr: Well, we do have the jet. We could just fly up there.

Subaru: Through the rampaging demons and angels!?

Antestarr: Uh... well...

Emperor Pi: I believe that option will be imminently moot.

Antestarr: Why?

Emperor Pi: I think that large vessel you want to reach will be dislodged soon.

Antestarr: [/B] What!?

Everyone looks up.

Emperor Pi: And your own... jet is about to be crushed by it.

Subaru: RUN!!

The group make a dash for it as the Hero Force One Helicarrier comes crashing down, destroying not only a large portion of London, but also the jet. The heroes narrowly escape being caught up in the destruction.

Subaru: Mimiru is going to kill me...

As the NeS heroes in Memory Lane continue to be distracted by recent events such as Al's unholy marriage to Darkside, the Twice-Forgotten Michael McLongname continues his search through the nostalgic times of the Never-ending Story with the Holy Hand Remote in hope of finding the lost spirit that drives the NeS before the heroes do.

Michael McLongname: I better find the lost spirit of NeS quick before the others regain their focus...

With that, Michael proceeds to skip ahead to page 36...


Elsewhere, while another group of NeS heroes attempt to deal with the war in London, Gebohq steps into a lecture hall at Cambridge University where his interview to apply as an associate law professor is held. The interviewers -- other highly-esteemed professors -- stare at Gebohq, who is dressed in the traditional attire worn by the protagonist of The Legend of Zelda. They begin to whisper to each other.

professor #1: Is that a guy?

professor #2: Yes, and it's time to pay up our bet.

professor #1: He's wearing a dress!

professor #2: That's a tunic.

professor #3: Also, he's got a beard.

professor #1: Bearded ladies exist!

professor #2: Admit that you lost and pay up already.

professor #3: Are you all sure we got the right person...?

Gebohq, growing concerned with the whispering, clears his throat in a nervous manner.

Gebohq: I would just like to say that I am honored to be considered for a position as an associate professor of law, and that you will find my experience will be as good a teacher for me as I will be for your students.

After handing Professor #2 a dollar, Professor #1 turns his attention to Gebohq.

Professor #1: Yes, very good. We, uh, have some matters to address before this interview can formally begin. To start, we will need to establish your identity.

Gebohq: Uh, of course. Will my hero license do?

Professor #3: Hero license?

Gebohq hands his hero license over to Professor #3, who adjusts his glasses to read it.

Professor #1: Are you Gebohq Joseph Anne-Marie Simon?

Gebohq: Yes...

Professor #2: Brother to Losien Ohqtober Novel Simon?

Gebohq: Yes.

Professor #2 shoots a glare at Professor #1, who crosses his arms.

Professor #3: And you are currently employed as an adviser to Dr. Evil, CEO of Disney?

Gebohq: I, er, am afraid you're thinking of Dr. Geb, who is a clone of me.

The three professors murmur at this revelation.

Professor #2: As you may or may not be aware, we traditionally require that an associate professor have at least a doctorate.

Gebohq: Oh, I do ma'am!

Professor #2: Oh?

Gebohq: In the Application of Underwater Basket-Weaving To Professional Freelance Heroic Duties And Its Ethical Ramifications.

Professor #2: Oh.

Professor #3: Weren't you involved in the Canadian scandal that ensnared hundreds of thousands of people in an alternate dimension under the guise that they would be honored guests to a royal wedding?

Gebohq: You're thinking of my doppelganger. He goes by Evil G these days, I think.

Professor #1: How many like you are there?

Gebohq: Oh geez, let me think. There's Dr. Geb and Evil G, there's the clone Qhobeg serving with Hero Force One, I think there's a clone serving as one of Canada's generals...

Professor #3: No wonder the paperwork is so confusing...

Professor #2: Moving on, how do you believe you are qualified to be an associate professor in law?

Gebohq: Well, as you can see on my resume, I've had to defend for myself and my affiliation of other professional and associate heroes on thirty-one separate accounts in court, of which I hold a flawless record. I'm particularly proud of Gebohq & Co. v. International Parking Corporation regarding the double-parking.

Professor #3: That was you? I must confess a certain admiration, despite your heinous crimes.

Gebohq: The crimes were heinous, and that is something I will always have to live with.

Professor #2: Court cases alone, while impressive, are not the sole qualification for admittance as an associate professor at this university, Mr. Ohq.

Gebohq: Mr. Simon, ma'am -- the paperwork never got that right. And to mention a portion of my doctorate thesis, underwater basket-weaving shares many similarities with law, at least as it relates to professional heroism. In both, it's a matter of keeping track of the threads when under pressure. I have even gone so far as to address the Taxman himself regarding an incorrect accusation of tax evasion.

Professor #1: And you successfully made your case with him?

Gebohq: Yes, though I still had my hero license temporarily suspended.

Professor #1: Fascinating...

Professor #2: You seem very passionate about your current vocation as a professional hero. You must know that, unlike some universities, we do not approve of faculty involvement in professional heroism, adventuring, villainy, or any related industry. We would expect you to be a full-time associate professor, using any free time you may have in purely non-adventurous research even if we may use your former professional status to draw in student attendance and media coverage. We would expect you, at minimum, to take this opportunity as a new career. Are you prepared for that?

Gebohq takes in a deep, anxious breath.

Gebohq: Yes, I am. And the chance to teach would make my sister proud.

The professors, surprised, hum in thought and whisper again to each other in a fashion even I, the Narrator, am not privy to divulge...

*The professors finish their secret professor conference...*

Professor: ...Very well. By the power vested in me I hereby proclaim you a professor in Cambridge university, and subject to all of the rights and responsibilities therein.

Gebohq: Woohoo!

*Geb pumps his fist in the air.*

Professor: To aid you in this grave and solemn duty we would like to introduce you to your new partner on the professor-team...

*The great oak doors creak open and in strides a figure clad in the black robes and curly white wig of a lawyer. He approaches Geb and offers his hand.*

Professor: ...associate professor Couchman.

*Geb and the Couchman shake hands.*

Couchman: Gebohq. Welcome aboard. I've heard so much about you.

Gebohq: Well I've heard nothing about you, professor, but it's a pleasure.

Couchman: Please; call me 'Couchman'.

*Geb smiles.*

Gebohq: You got it, Couchman.

*With that, Couchman leads Geb out of the the Great Hall of Cambridge. Irania and Mzzt tag along behind the pair. A brief musical montage follows in which Geb is fitted for a wig and robe, has his portrait painted to be hung on the faculty wall, receives his complimentary parking space. Eventually the gang winds up in Couchman's spacious office.*

Gebohq: Well Couchbuddy I've got to say that I'm glad to be working with you.

Couchman: Oh yeah! I think you're going to like it here.

Mzzt: Wow Geb, you're really not worried about the raging forces of good and evil that are destroying the world in their epic battle of doom?

Gebohq: Nope! My life is all about faculty lounges and hilarious curly wigs now.

Mzzt: How am I going to explain this to the others?

*Mzzt sits down on one of Couchman's many couches to relax and take this in.*

Within the war-torn landscape of London, Evil Geb takes a moment to glance at a random computer monitor. The monitor displays a live video stream of a gaming charity marathon raising money for the Prevent Cancer Foundation. A decay-filled mass of pus and blood and ink scratch and spill across the edges of a nearby wall, signs of the malignant plot tumor spreading as a cancer within the world of the Never-ending Story (NeS). He thinks about his wife, Young, and his newborn son, Chance.

Evil Geb: If I don't take action now, the NeS will die, and I refuse to be the ruling villain of another dead story.

He brandishes his magic sword.

Evil Geb: Time for an attempt at surgery...

With the swipe of his blade, Evil Geb tears a particular plot-hole in the fabric of the story thread...

Evil Geb: Alright, this is for you readers and writers out there, so pay attention, because I'm only going to break the fourth wall about this once!

For this week, January 6th to January 12th 2013, for every story post made by a unique author, five U.S. dollars ($5) will be donated on your behalf to the Speed Demos Archive's Awesome Games Done Quick 2013 Charity Marathon which is raising money for the Prevent Cancer Foundation.

'But Evil G,' you're whining right now, 'I can't write well! I might mess up the story!'

Good! I want you to try and mess this story up! Good writing just strengthens the Plot - that icky goopy cancer of this story, and I'm insane enough to work with material that would make Twilight fan fiction Pulitzer Prize-worthy. Don't know what's going on? Whatever, just make something up, completely unrelated if necessary.

'Well,' I hear you flammering, 'I don't have the time to write...'

If you don't have time to write a single sentence for supporting charity to fight cancer, I would suggest re-evaluating your life, because as long as it resembles something of a story, you can write as little as you'd like, so long as it's something!

'Uh...' I hear you stupidly saying now, 'I love cancer...?'

Wow. You're more of a bad guy than I could ever hope to be.

'I'm too stupid to help!' I hear you admitting. 'Can you help me with whatever I'm having a problem with so I can get a story post up here?'

I can't, no, but the writer making this post can! Just hit him up and he'll be more than happy to help with any questions or the like you have. So get writing, people!

Back on Memory Lane - that ethereal space that is a tangible representation of our characters wandering through their memories - Losien is facing off against her shadow self. A grim expression sets itself on her face, as she raises her sword, Fred Teh Uber Blade, against her worst foe - herself. A trickle of sweat runs its salty finger down her temple, and a light coming from nowhere glints off her blade.

Losien: Make your move.

Shadow Losien grins in a sinister fashion, brandishing Shadow Fred. She unwraps a whip from around her waist and snaps it. She makes a twirling slash with her blade.

Shadow Losien: Bring it.

She leaps forward in a spectacular twisting flip, landing behind Losien just as Losien turns to block the downward curve of her assaulting blade in a resounding CLANG. Shadow Losien, her face etched with hatred, parries as Losien does a spin attack, and their blades lock this time.

Losien's Cell Phone: "Hidden on the pages is the answer to a neverending story..."

Losien: UGH!

She takes a hand from Fred's hilt to fish her cell phone out of her pocket.

Losien: Just a sec, Shadow Losien. Hey bro, I'm right in the middle of--

Geb: Losien! You'll never guess what I just did!

Losien: Don't have time for this right--

Geb: I got a job!

Losien: I'm surprised you tried that, after what happened last time, but really, I can't discuss--

Geb: As a college professor of law!

Losien: Tell me some other-- What?

Geb: Yeah! I'm teaching now! I've retired from herodom now that you're the Main Character!

A warm glow suffuses Losien's entire being. Her big brother, the one she looks up to most in the world, is teaching! And he trusts her enough with Main Charactership that he has taken up another profession. Shadow Losien vanishes into inky ether with a wailing cry.

Geb: And the best part is, I get to wear a hilarious curly wig!

Gebohq the Writer: Epic post?

Britt the Writer: That's EPIC. All caps.

Gebohq the Writer: ...

Britt the Writer: C'mon! This will be an epic post!

Gebohq the Writer: After that really lame "epic post" I won't hold my breath.

Britt the Writer:

Gebohq the Writer: So... what will happen in this epic --

Britt the Writer: EPIC. Caps lock on.

Gebohq the Writer: ... what will happen in this post?

Britt the Writer: EPIC stuff!

Gebohq the Writer: What ep-

Britt the Writer: Ah!

Gebohq the Writer: ... What EPIC stuff!?

Britt the Writer: Oh, you know? EPIC kind of stuff.

Gebohq the Writer: ...

Britt the Writer: Stuff where we stand around and talk about the word EPIC?

Gebohq the Writer: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!?

Britt the Writer:

Al Ciao the Writer: Hey Britt, what're... you... doing?

Britt the Writer: Al! Al! Help... me!

Al Ciao the Writer: Are... those staples?

Britt the Writer: Geb stapled me to the desk until I write something...

Al Ciao the Writer: Why did he staple you to my desk?

Britt the Writer: Geb said Tracer's desk was haunted.

Al Ciao the Writer: ... uh... should I even ask about your own desk? Don't you have a whole office?

Britt the Writer: It's full of creepy jungle creatures. Plus my desk was eaten.

Al Ciao the Writer: By crocodiles? Bears? Monkeys?

Britt the Writer: Uh.... sure.

Al Ciao the Writer: Okay, well don't you worry bud. I'll be back in just a minute.

Britt the Writer: Cheers Al. I knew I could count on you when you eventually returned from the girls' bathroom.

Al Ciao the Writer: Oi!

Britt the Writer: Don't worry, I'll keep your secret. Not like there are any girl writers right now anyway.

Al Ciao the Writer: Then who --?

Britt the Writer: Best not to think about it. Just consider, briefly, where Tracer the Writer has been all this time.

Al Ciao the Writer:

Britt the Writer: I said don't think about it! There's only so much you can see when you're a peeping-Tom in the women's loo.

Al Ciao the Writer: How did you know --

Britt the Writer: I said don't think about it! ... help!?

Al Ciao the Writer whips out a stapler.

Britt the Writer: Wait! What're you doing!?

Al Ciao the Writer: Write, Jungle Boy! Write!

----------

The streets of London are in chaos as angels, demons and superheroes clash in a battle of the ages --

RAM #426: Of the week...

Shut it you.

RAM #426: You can't silence the truth!

A rhino charges down the street and impales RAM #478. Well done rhino.

Rhino: TTYL pal.

RAM #426: The truth will set you freeeeeeee!

RAM #426 is carried out of hear-shot by the rampaging rhino.

Rhino: I wouldn't really say I was rampaging. More --

Does it matter? Just get moving! Now, where were we? Epic battle of the ages!

RAM #426: Weeeeee eeeeeeee.....!
Superheroes of all nations and teams had gathered to support Hero Force One, the ultimate superhero team. All of the remnants of the other Hero Force groups fought as bravely as they could. The famous Coffee Boy threw cups of piping hot coffee at angels, Fat Man sat upon one unsuspecting little angel whilst The Cupboard Master had locked a few of the more powerful angels in several cupboards around London, tucked away in random citizens' flats who were happily watching events unfold on their TVs.

Random London Citizen [/SIZE]#426: Why go outside into all that calamity when I can sit on my couch and eat popcorn?

Shouldn't you be eating... bangers and mash or something?

RLC #426: Well, the truth is...

No way am I going to fall for that. Rhino!

RLC #426: Fuq.

Back on the streets demons rampage --

Demon #426: I wouldn't really say I was rampaging... [/SIZE][/COLOR]

What? God damn it, stop interrupting! What is it with this number?

Then there was the almighty Crash of Ultimate Doom!(TM) as the Hero Force One Helicarrier plummeted to the earth after severe bombardment from a battalion of very angry angels.

The force of the Helicarrier sent dust clouds the size of buildings into the air, concealing the impact site but the rumble could be felt across the whole city and Random London Citizens watching their TVs froze, briefly, in panic.

Subaru, resident NeS Hero, slowly struggles to her feet. The dust clouds her vision and clogs her lungs. After a coughing fit she realises that she's a) alive and b) still in one piece save for a few cuts and bruises where she was flung down the street by the shockwaves of the hit.

Subaru: Lucky me.

Tracer: Yeah. Lucky you.

Subaru: Whoa! What? Who the Hell're you?

Tracer: ... I'm Tracer!

Subaru: Who?

Tracer: ...

Subaru: Oh wait. Now I remember... I thought you were a Writer?

Tracer: Yes, but there is a Character Tracer too! C'mon! Am I really that forgettable?

Subaru: I think it's more a case of... under-use. Why're you here?

Tracer: Couldn't I just be here to help? I am one of the NeS Heroes, you know? I'm on the payroll.

Subaru: There's a payroll?

Tracer: There was. Until someone asked me to manage it.

Subaru:

Tracer:

Subaru: So why are you here?

Tracer: I'm just here to warn you.

Subaru: About what?

Tracer: EPICness.

Subaru: Uh... care you elaborate?

Tracer: No. This is one of those riddles for the future-type-things.

Subaru: Riiiiiiight. So why're you telling me and not someone else like Antestarr?

Tracer: They're all dead.

Subaru: WHAT!?

Tracer: ...

Subaru:

Tracer: HAHA! Totally had you going there. That was amazing.

Subaru:

Tracer: Uh... I was joking? They're alive and well.

Subaru:

Tracer: Well... it's been nice talking to you. I've got to go and be enigmatic again.

Subaru:

Tracer: Oh hey. Here are your friends now.

As the dust cloud begins to clear the figures of the other heroes slowly appear, looking just as well as Subaru herself.

Tracer: See? We good? Oh, by the way, the Helicarrier didn't crash. Bye!

Subaru:

As the dust finally cleared Subaru could see the Hero Force One Helicarrier. It did appear to be surprisingly in tact except for the gaping holes of holiness that the angels had created previously. She strains her eyes and manages to make out a tiny figure underneath the gigantic aircraft.

Nick: This... is.... really... really... really heavy.

Tracer the Writer removes the last of the staples from Britt the Writer.

Britt the Writer: Cheers.

Gebohq the Writer: Well you finally posted. So it's only fair.

Britt the Writer: Hey, by the way, this five dollars to charity thing that you're doing. Does it count if one writer posts multiple times?

Gebohq the Writer: What? Crap!? Quick, staple his hands down!!!!

----------

On Memory Lane our Main Characters, who are almost forgotten by the other emerging plots, are still milling about at the after-party when the priest begins to glow.

Soriel: Is that God's holy light?

Al Ciao: Does he make all of his priests glow like that? Seems a bit of a waste of holy power if you ask me.

The priest, who is the sinister Tsolo, staggers forward a few steps.

Tsolo: Bugger...

Rachel: Bugger? Shouldn't you say something more dramatic than that?

Maeve: Yeah. Something more like "I am undone".

The Otter: Or "It finally ends...".

Rachel: Or how about "Curses!".

Tsolo: ... Fuq you guys...

Tsolo explodes in a dazzling shower of light.

Amal: Wow, so pretty!

Al Ciao: So is this what happens when a priest dies? This is just over-doing it, man. Such a waste.

Apple: I'm not sure if all this holy light is good for my baby.

Al Ciao: I'll protect you from it, my love!

(Lady) DarkSide: Hey!

Al Ciao: Uh... I meant "Mother of My Child" but it seemed too long to say.

(Lady) DarkSide:

Al Ciao: Okay, okay! I'll protect you from it, Mother of My Darling Child!!

Losien: No! I am her father!

Rachel: Wasn't the guy that just exploded the Father?

Soriel: *GROAN* [/I]

Amal: [/B] Losien! You're alive!

Losien: Yes I am!

Maeve: And you're glowing!

Losien: Actually I think that's the glowing remains of Tsolo.

Maeve: Ew.

Losien: I also reached a whole new level of Awesome.

Apple: That's the daddy I want.

Rachel: Can I take a moment to reiterate how weird this idea is?

Losien: Now that Tsolo is defeated and we're freed from his spell, we can kill DarkSide--

(Lady) DarkSide: Hey!

Losien: [/B] -- beat up The Illusionist --

The Illusionist: Heeeeeey!

Losien: --and then thwart the plans of... someone I can't remember.

Michael McFarlane: Heee-- oh wait...

Losien: Now prepare yourself DarkSide!!

Fred, teh Uber Blade: I know that used to be a dude, but wow... I would totally go there. [/SIZE][/COLOR]

Al Ciao: No Losien!

Everyone Else: *GASP*

Soriel: I saw this one coming a mile off...

Al Ciao: I can't let you harm my wife!!

*Meanwhile back on Memory Lane, the Memory Lane heroes are doing a thing...I forget what...*

Otter: Good evening.

*NeS Hero Otter emerges from the shadows of Memory Lane! Dressed in a suit and tie, the dapper hero clears his throat and begins his monologue!*

Otter: Ladies and gentlemen. On this most special night, it is my pleasure to take you on a journey of Christmases past.

*The scene wobbles and we are sucked back in time to Christmas Eve, 1988 as Otter continues to narrate the story.*

*Otter: Gebohq was hard at work on Christmas Eve, forced to work on this national holiday because he was employed by none other than mean old Mr. TLTE.*

Mr. TLTE: Gebohq! I require finance reports immediately!

*Otter: Geb gave the clock a worried glance. The time read 4:50pm, and Geb knew that there was no way he'd be able to finish Mr. TLTE's reports in time to leave.*

Gebohq: But Mr. TLTE, I'll never get the finance data sorted by quitting o'clock!

*Otter: TLTE turned an apoplectic shade of red and he began screaming.*

Mr. TLTE: You'll do what I tell you or you'll be looking for a new job! You think you're so special you can't be replaced?

*Otter: Also Frosty the snowman was there.*

Frosty: But sir, it's Christmas...

Mr. TLTE: I tell you what, if I'm not reading a quarterly financial report within the hour then you can forget the whole thing!

*Otter: And with that TLTE returned to his corner office, slamming the door shut for effect. Geb's heart sank.*

Frosty: Don't worry friend, he can't really cancel Christmas.

Mr. TLTE: Oh yes I can! I have the power!

*The scene fizzles back to Otter in the present.*

Otter: Yes, old Geb worked for a monster. He eventually finished the mercurial Mr. TLTE's reports and returned home that fateful Christmas eve...*[/i]

*Once again we dream-sequence back to 1988!

Gebohq: I'm home!

*Otter: Geb returned home that night to his sister, Losien, and his roommate, Tiny Krig. The three friends rented a house together and lived happily ever after. Although there were some crazy times. Like if Three's Company had a viking.*

Losien: Oh hi Geb.

Tiny Krig: GEBBY!

*Otter: Geb sank into the couch and let out a big sigh.*

Gebohq: What a day.

Losien: Was Mr. TLTE mean today, Geb?

Gebohq: He made me stay late and threatened to cancel Christmas.

Losien: Just this year or forever?

*Otter: Suddenly there came a-knocking at the door.*

Losien: I'll get it!

*Otter: Losien opened the door to reveal none other than Santa Claus standing at their doorway.*

Santa: Hello ma'am. Mighten I come in?

Losien: Why of course Mr. Claus.

*Fade back to the present...*

Otter: And so Santa Claus told Geb, Losien, and Tiny Krig that he would be taking them on a grand tour of Christmases past, present, and future so that they might learn a valuable lesson.

*Back in '88

Gebohq: Santa, I don't get this. Mr. TLTE is the one who needs to learn the lesson, not us! We're the good guys here.

Santa: Gebohq, I have brought you here so that you might learn the error of your ways and change before it's too late and you die alone and unloved.

Gebohq: Yes, I know how it works -

Santa: This is a very special opportunity, Gebohq. Not many people are so fortunate as to receive a second chance at life.

Gebohq: I KNOW.

Losien: Guys, I think something's wrong with Tiny Krig!

Tiny Krig: Krig not feel so good.

*Otter: For you see, Tiny Krig had eaten one too many Christmas decorations that year and had fallen ill.*

Gebohq: Do something Santa! Use your magical Christmas powers!

The mists of time take us back to the present.

Otter: Fortunately Santa's heart grew three sizes that day and he used his sleigh to transport the sick viking to the nearest hospital where his stomach could be pumped and vomiting induced.

The dream sequence music plays and we emerge in 1988, in a hospital.

Gebohq: Well that explains what happened to the Christmas tree.

Losien: And all the stockings.

Gebohq: And the Christmas lights.

Losien: And the wrapping paper.

Otter: This of course angered the great Santa Claus, who leaned over the hospital bed and berated Tiny Krig.*

Santa: So you think you can just eat Christmas, is that it? Well I'll show you what-for!

*But as the mighty Santa shook his fist at poor old Krig another unstoppable force charged into the hospital room.*

Gebohq: Mr. TLTE!

*Otter: Geb dove under the bed to escape his mean old boss.*

Mr. TLTE: Gebohq! I want more reports! Now, dammit! Or this time I'll cancel Christmas *and* New Year's! And I'll bulldoze your stupid house!

*Otter: Santa looked up from the bedridden viking and his eyes narrowed to little slits.*

Santa: Well I'll be damned...

Otter: And without another word Santa threw a pile-driver of a punch to Mr. TLTE's face, knocking the bad man onto his back.*

Santa: Santa's gonna get you!

Otter: The heroes could only stare, their mouths agape, as Santa delivered a body-slam on Mr. TLTE.

Losien: ...well that was unexpected.

Gebohq: Well I for one learned a valuable lesson today.

Losien: Which is?

Gebohq: That the best policy is to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee.

Frosty: God bless us, everyone!

Fast-forward to the present.

Otter: And so, in this most joyous of holiday seasons, it is my pleasure to wish you a happy Christmas, from all your friends at the Neverending Story!

*Finally Maeve notices Otter off in the corner apparently talking to himself.*

Maeve: Otter! Get over here! There's a fight or something.

Otter: In a minute!

Maeve: Also Christmas was like three weeks ago.

Otter: It was? Why didn't anyone tell me? I was going to do the Christmas story this year!

Maeve: We didn't tell you because your Christmas stories never make any sense.

Otter: My Christmas stories are the greatest stories ever told on and/or during Christmas!

Maeve: And they always end with Santa Claus fighting people.

Al Ciao: Wait, we missed Christmas!?

(Lady) DarkSide: Don't get distracted! You're meant to be protecting me!

Al Ciao: Oh right, yeah!

Losien: Out of my way, Al! Or I'll go through you!

Al Ciao: Ding-dong-merrily on high...

Losien: Uh... Al?

Al Ciao: In heav'n the bells are ringing...

(Lady) DarkSide: AL! SNAP OUT OF IT!

Al Ciao: Huh!? Wha-? Right, yeah! I shall defend my wife to the death!
Losien:

Meanwhile (NeS count: can't remember), Michael McLongname's attention catches a particular memory on page 37...

As Michael recalls this time in Memory Lane, Tracer examines his own scene in the war-torn London aside from the other, groggy heroes.

Tracer: The ashes fall from the sky as my hopes and dreams of my heroism remembered fall from my precarious optimism. Such is the life of an alleyway agent, I suppose, where the dames hardly give a glance as scraps for the hungry in companionship. Alone, like a lone wolf in a pack of lone wolves. Always hungry for the truth and settling for the facts. My reckless drive down a dead-end road towards purpose lost in the fog and dark of reality is all I have. That, and my trusty number two pencil...

Subaru: So...can we help you?

Tracer: Help me? Yes, you can help me... help you. I must confess a secret to you.

Antestarr: What's that?

Tracer: I'm here to hunt NeSferatu.

Antestarr: What?

Tracer then swings towards Antestarr's chest with his pencil, stabbing him.

Antestarr: GAH!

Tracer: Hmm, I expected you to be a lot more dead right about now.

Antestarr: I'm in a lot more pain right about now!

Krig the Viking: You not very good hunter.

Tracer: I'm kind of new to the business.

Antestarr: You're disgusting, you know that? Like... sour wine disgusting. Your character could use some distilling.

The others look at Antestarr with concern.

Antestarr: Improving. His non-edible character could use improving. Because he just stabbed me with a pencil, when he could have at least struggled with the choice to make his character more palatable... I think I'm just going to stop talking now.

Tracer: So... could you give me back my pencil, then? I have clues I need to write down.

Antestarr: I don't know, are you going to attack me with it again?

Tracer: No. Yes. No. Maybe?

*Ante's eyes narrow.*

Tracer: Okay, yes.

Antestarr: I think we'll be keeping sharp objects away from you for a while.

Tracer: The dark skies roiling overhead mirrored the tempestous thoughts racing through my mind. I had found my man, in an alleyway deep withing the heart of the angry city and I knew that from this moment on we were on a crash course. Like the angels and demons fighting up above, only one of us was going to walk away.

*There is a long, uncomfortable pause as everyone looks at Tracer.*

Subaru: Uh, what?

Antestarr: This guy seems crazy and dangerous. Let's leave.

Tracer: Look, I can't help but think that we've gotten off on the wrong foot here.

Antestarr: You tried to murder me with a pencil.

Tracer: So what say we try to move past any prior misunderstandings that may or may not have occured?

*Tracer proffers his hand.*

Antestarr: This seems like a ham-fisted attempt to lure me into a vulnerable position so that you can unleash another surprise attack.

*Another uncomfortable pause follows.*

Tracer: SURPRISE ATTACK!

*Tracer pulls a frying pan out from beneath his billowing trenchcoat and attempts to smash Ante's face. Ante dodges and deftly disarms Tracer, easily anticipating the assault.*

Antestarr: I think we've all had enough of you.

Tracer: Hey, can I have my frying pan back? I need to cook some food later.

On Memory Lane Michaeal McFarlane continues to watch his own history unfold on Page 38;



Michael McFarlane: I wonder whatever happened to Tracer anyway? Is my musing over these memories somehow a potent sign of Tracer's return to the NeS? What does his return mean? Why is he back? Why am I talking to myself? Oh that's right, I left my henchmen behind so now I can only monologue.
Michael McFarlane: ...
Michael McFarlane: That was a pretty dumb move to make in hindsight.
----------

Elsewhere on Memory Lane, still caught in some kind of pseudo-memory of a long forgotten page behind Michael McFarlane our heroes face conflict amongst themselves.

Soriel: Oh the drama...
Maeve: Hey, don't steal my pessimistic, sarcastic, dead-pan lines.
Apple: Not that I really care if Daddy #1 kicks your butt into next week, Al, but maybe you should think this through? Can you really win this?
Al Ciao: I'll have you know I was once the Highemperor! MASTER OF TEH UNIVERSEZ!
Rachel: Used to be. Now you're more like "the wet fart of the universe".
Al Ciao:

Apple: More to the point, you're kind of... dead-ish? I mean I don't even know what your deal is anymore. You died, then became ruler of Hell so you got to be... alive... ish again. But now you're not even the ruler of Hell, so how are you still standing? Look, you still have all of those bullet holes!
(Lady) DarkSide: Hey! I don't see you offering to take his place! I'm a victim here! I need protecting!
Apple: I'm pregnant. Plus I'm sure you're a bad guy.
Al Ciao: Gal. Bad gal.
Apple: Whatever.
(Lady) DarkSide: I'm a damsel in distress!!
Soriel: Uh-oh.
Losien: I've heard enough of this! Time to finish you off-!
Soriel: WAIT!
Losien froze in mid-swing, her muscles tense as Fred Teh Uber Blade is poised above her head in a fatal strike that would cut DarkSide down once and for all.

Losien: Why am I waiting, Soriel?
Soriel: I'm afraid she just invoked the "damsel" clause. In your eagerness and his-
Al Ciao: Her.
Soriel: -Her cunning, she has cleverly role-reversed the situation making you appear to be the villain whilst she is the innocent damsel under the protection of a loving hero.
Al Ciao: I'm the loving hero right?

Rachel: Loving idiot would have been more appropriate.
Soriel: If you strike her down now...
Maeve: Don't you dare say it!
Soriel: ...
Maeve: I'm warning you!
Soriel: ... She would become more powerful than you could possibly imagine!
Maeve: GAH!!!

----------

Gebohq the Writer: GENIUS!

Britt the Writer: I know!!

Tracer the Writer: Are you guys celebrating the, albeit apt, usage of an incredibly over-quoted phrase from Star Wars?
Britt and Gebohq the Writers: :awesome::awesome:

----------

(Lady) DarkSide: How exactly - just so that everyone's clear - would I become more powerful than she could possibly imagine?
Soriel: Well, there's probably many methods. But specifically being the damsel, if she were to kill you you would become a tragic martyr. Undoubtedly Losien would be classified as villain and someone, probably Al Ciao, would lead the heroes on a mission of righteous vengeance against your cold-blooded murderer. There's always the possibility you'd come back too, maybe as an angel or something, given the desire for a physical manifestation for love. If you'd have been a mentor to Al you'd be a ghost, which isn't much fun I'm sure.
TLTE: So... if Losien were a villain I suppose it would be okay if I... slipped up?
Maeve: I think we're all going to conveniently ignore that remark, TLTE.
Rachel: How the Hell do you even know all of this crap, Soriel?
Soriel: My arm's still knackered, remember? I can't use my sword.
Rachel: Yeah but... how do you suddenly know all this stuff? You don't even have any books or anything.
Soriel: I have more time to think.
Rachel:

Losien: So... we have to take her with us?
Soriel: I would guess so. At least until the inevitable betrayal.
Apple: If it's an inevitable betrayal what's wrong with killing her now?
The Otter: I think Soriel's right. Regardless of the doubtless outcome, we're the heroes right? We've got to act like it!
Maeve: How uncharacteristically thoughtful of you.
The Otter: It's been over five minutes since my last drink.
Apple: Well I'm a morally ambiguous assassin with no desire to become a hero. Couldn't I bump her off?
Al Ciao: You're pregnant. I don't think murder would be good for our baby.
Apple: God damn-
Losien: So I should lower the sword?
Soriel: Yes.
Losien: Slowly... towards the goth babe...
Everyone Else:

Losien: ...gently nick the straps of her wedding dress so that it slips down to reveal-
Soriel: You know, you really shouldn't repeat everything Fred is saying to you...

Back at the Haunted House of Heroes all is quiet. The Christmas Party that the ghosts had held went smoothly and uninterrupted by the annoying pet humans that so often occupy rooms of the house.

Ghosts #1, #2 and [/I] #3 are cleaning up the mess.

Ghost #1: It was hilarious when Dave tried to hang himself from the chandelier again. [/SIZE]

Ghost #2: Classic ghost comedy, man! It wasn't as funny when that undead guy tried to do it though. [/SIZE]

Ghost #1: Yeah... kind of brought back a few too many memories for me... [/SIZE]

Ghost #2: Dude... way too much information. A ghost's death is too personal to go sharing like that. Are you still drunk? [/SIZE]

Ghost #3: Uh, guys? [/SIZE]

Ghost #1 and #2 attend [/I] #3's beckon and pile into a room occupied by a bunch of sleeping humans.

Ghost #1: Uh... were they here the entire time?

Ghost #2: I think they're dead...

Ghost #1: Have you seen any new faces around here lately? No? Right then, they can't be dead.

Ghost #2: So what're they doing?

Ghost #1: They must be asleep. [/SIZE]

Ghost #3: Through all that noise we were making? Jesus! We managed to wake even Old Man Crammer from his grave out back! [/SIZE]

Ghost #2: I really think this one must be dead! He's got all these bullet holes... and he smells bad. I think he might be rotting.

Ghost #1: Oh yeah... he must be one of the undead fellas.

Ghost #2: Then why's he here? [/SIZE]

Ghost #3: More importantly, why the Hell wasn't he at our party!? The ungrateful sod.

Ghost #1: We should get a witch in here. See what's happening. Get this bloke sorted out. [/SIZE]

Ghost #3: I think humans use doctors not witches.

Ghost #1: He's undead!

Ghost #3: Good point. Which witch should we call? Granny Weatherspoon?

Ghost #1: What the Hell is wrong with you!? We should call Ms Nymph! [/SIZE]

Ghost #3: You mean the young, sexy witch? [/SIZE]

Ghost #1: Damn straight!

Ghost #2: Dude, you're dead! What could possibly be in it for you? [/SIZE]

Ghost #1: Not for me! For them! If anything can get a rise out of them, it's her! [/SIZE]

Ghost #3: Och! So crass! [/SIZE]

Ghost #2: You really are still drunk, aren't you?

In London Nick the Demi-God struggles to hold up the Helicarrier. He can see the heroes milling about several metres away.

Nick: Uh... guys... gigantic... heavy... thing... I can't hold it... much longer...

From one of the openings of the Helicarrier emerges a small figure that hops down platform-to-platform more deftly than Super Mario ever could. She lands on the ground near to Nick and beams a bright smile at him.

Nick: Little... girl... you should... run.

Magick Snowflakes: It's okay Nick. I'm here to help you!

Nick: Gee... thanks... :huh:. Maybe you should get a grown-up? Someone... like... Seraphim?

Magick Snowflakes: I'm not that young, you know?

The little Magick Snowflakes holds one arm up and with a squint of effort that crosses her face there is a bright purple glow that emits from her hand. Some kind of magical arcane symbol blazes in the air, glowing with ominous purple light before there's a powerful "CRACK!" sound.

The Helicarrier suddenly volts upwards and away from the two tiny humans and the city of London.

Nick: Holy shi-

As Nick stares after the Helicarrier it continues on and on upwards until it's a speck against the blue sky.

Nick: I hope no-one was left on that thing.

Magick Snowflakes: Nope. I checked. Just a herd of partying rhinos.

Nick:

Magick Snowflakes: I know, they're been a running gag used by one of the Writers for a while now. I think they keep slipping through plot-holes here and there. They've been partying since Christmas, right through New Year.

----------

Still on the Helicarrier as it hurtles out into space;

Rhino #426: We shall not, we shall not be moved!!

----------

Nick: That was... impressive.
Magick Snowflakes: Thank you! Are you going to help us beat up the angels?

Nick: It seems a bit... wrong to kill angels, you know?

Magick Snowflakes: Aren't you the son of Ares?

Nick: Yeah.

Magick Snowflakes: Then it should be fine. They don't even think you and your dad exist.

Nick: Good point. Usurpers!!

Several metres away our NeS heroes are still milling about enjoying a merry conversation whilst the world is destroyed around them.

Evil G: So do you always carry a frying pan in your coat?

Tracer: You never know when the pangs of hunger may strike the soul.

Antestarr: I actually agree with him there.

Everyone else stares at Antestarr.

Antestarr: Aw c'mon!

There's a sudden commotion as something plummets from the sky and lands amidst the heroes. When the smoke clears, and everyone has finished their coughing fits, a figure rises amongst them.

Evil G: Wow, now that is one SEXY figure!

Subaru: Lucky Young isn't here.

Evil G: She'd agree with me.

Seraphim: What are you NeS Heroes doing here!?

Tracer: As the stranger arrives my soul coils with turmoil. The city cries out for sanctity against the fallen angel, her luscious eyes and ruby-red lips. A femme fatale if ever I saw one. I resist the city's cry and stave off my attack with the iron.

Seraphim:

Evil G: Dude, you carry an iron around with you!?

Tracer: You never know when the creases of scorn and anguish might infect your clothes.

Antestarr: Please ignore the crazy guy with the iron. We're here to help!

Seraphim: ...

Antestarr: We're heroes too! We figured it would be prudent to aid you, our fellow heroes in your time of need!

Seraphim:

Antestarr: Actually I was being serious...

Seraphim: ...

Antestarr: Sitrep?

Seraphim:

NSP: This isn't bringing him back, but I couldn't resist the joke...

----------

Somewhere across the cosmos Highemperor is floating around in space after destroying another star with his elbow, or whatever the guy does in his free-time-

Highemperor: I like poker mostly.

- when he feels like someone, out there, is intruding upon his Awesome Factor.

Highemperor: Hey yeah! Is some other Character displaying potential Powerplaying Skillz!?

He turns just in time to see a Helicarrier filled with rhinos smash into his face.

Michael McFarlane: Wow... that was pretty stupid of me. And the Narrator spelt my name wrong.

Hey, everyone was calling you McLongname!

Michael McFarlane: I meant Michael!!

Oh... right. I might have had one too many during lunch break.

Michael McFarlane: You drink on your lunch break!?

Hey! Don't judge me! This is a stressful job!!



Michael McFarlane: Why was I so incompetent as a hero?

Are you trying to say that you're not incompetent now?

Michael McFarlane: Hey! Don't take that tone with me!

Just pointing out that you've left yourself stranded alone so the only person for you to discourse with is me. The Narrator.

Michael McFarlane: Let's just see the rest of that memory.



Michael McFarlane: Rule the world? How juvenile. I'm clearly a much more menacing and cool villain!

Keep telling yourself that. Crazy guy.

Michael McFarlane: Don't make me make you forget me too!... Uh, I said those pronouns the right way around didn't I?

...

----------

Meanwhile, still on Memory Lane;

Apple: So what about this Illusionist chick?

The Illusionist points to herself questioningly.

Soriel: I'd say she's fair game.

Losien brandishes her sword at The Illusionist.

The Illusionist: Aw c'mon! I'm a henchman at best! I'm not even convinced I am a bad guy!

The Last True Evil: You kidnapped me.

The Illusionist: True, true. But we did have fun right!?

The Last True Evil: Well... it was kind of fun.

Losien: What!!?

The Illusionist: Whoa! We meant with Krig and Vikings...

Losien: ...

The Last True Evil: And the whores and semi-naked Valkyries...

Losien: WHAT!?

The Illusionist: Bollocks.

Losien: Which of you should I beat up first!?

The Illusionist: But really, it's not my fault! We just happened to run into the corpse of your Viking friend and then stuff happened- and- and...

Losien: You stole my boyfriend.

The Illusionist: Yes, well...

Losien: So that I forgot him!

The Illusionist: I forgot I did that to be fair.

Losien: And then you had fun and frolics with him!!?

The Illusionist: OMFG! You're going to hurt me now, aren't you?

Losien: Damn straight!!!

The Illusionist: Eep!!!!

The Illusionist transforms in a poof of smoke to become the cutest little kitten in the world, displaying huge, pleading eyes.

Losien: ...

The Illusionist: ...

Losien: I hate kittens.

She punts The Illusionist kitty so hard that she flies through several pages into the future. As she does so the illusion around the group breaks apart and no longer are they at the after-party scenario. Instead they are stood upon a blank page of the NeS waiting to progress.

Apple: Cool.

The Last True Evil: Do you really hate kittens?

----------



Michael McFarlane: I totally rock.

A minute ago you were complaining about how rubbish you used to be.

Michael McFarlane: Quiet you!



Michael McFarlane: How times change, eh? He went from villain to hero and I did the reverse. How is this fair? Damn you TLTE!!!

Suddenly the memory is warped and blurred.

Michael McFarlane: [/B] It is? How? What's happening?

Stop talking to me and pay attention!

A hole appears in the memory as something small flies through it and lands straight in Michael's arms.

Michael McFarlane: What the heck? A... kitten?

The Illusionist: Hey there boss! I completely forgot about you until just this second! How funny is that? The heroes killed Tsolo by the way. Have you got villain insurance by any chance?

In the wartorn city of London, a demigod and a sorceress fight for their lives, back to back. Mystical shields of energy deflect angelic light, immortal arms cross to block demonic flame, and explosions form a magnificent backdrop to the trail of carnage they leave in their wake.

Nick: *ripping the wings off an angel* That's 24 I've gotten!
Magick: *incinerating a demon* 87!

Nick: Dammit! I mean, um, that's 24 angels I've gotten.

Magick: Yeah, I meant demons myself.

Nick:

Magick:

Suddenly Magick's Hero Force One communicator beeps!

Hero Force One Communicator: BEEP!

Magick: Oh hey, my Hero Force One communicator beeped! Gimme a sec.

Nick:

Magick: This is Young Broom, I copy you. Over.

Dr. R. Deep: Young Broom, this is Morpheus Cosplayer. What exactly happened to our Helicarrier? Over.

Magick: Er, I had to jet it into the far reaches of space to save this cute boy who was about to get crushed. Over.

Deep: *facepalm that is somehow seen over an audio communicator* The Serapharch was aboard! He was our only chance to conciliate with the angels!

Magick: ....

Deep: Well?

Magick: *whispering* You didn't say 'Over'.

Deep: *facepalm again* OVER!

Magick: You've really got to teach me that invisible facepalm trick. Over.

Deep: GAH! Now we've got no choice but to force these entities out of our burg. Over and out!

Nick: You really think I'm cute?

Soriel: Wow.

Apple: I don't even swing that way and that was hot.

Maeve: Eh, she was hot before she started punting defenseless animals through mnemonic barriers.

Soriel: No, I mean, she's a villain!

Amal: What.

TLTE:

Losien:

Soriel: Yup. First you showed no mercy to a deadly enemy, ripping him apart, which set you on the line. Then you attacked a damsel in distress and also displayed lewd traits towards her--

Losien: That was Fred!

Rachel: I'm not convinced that "Fred" isn't just a voice in your head.

Soriel: --and finally, you punted a defenseless kitten who had a Cute factor of 12 on Kazorsky's 10-point scale.

A shadowy haze, tinged with red, settles over Losien, similarly to gaining Evil points in a video game.Losien: But... Geb kicked a puppy once!

Al: In the 80s. Games didn't have good and bad choices back then. So he didn't get any Evil points.

Losien: **** the ***** to **** **********!!!

More red-tinged haze settles over her.

Losien: AUGH!

Lady Darkside: Muahahahaha! How it does it feel over on my team?

Soriel: Actually, she's not on your team. You were attacked by a villain, and you even claimed the damsel in distress trope for yourself.

A bluish-white aura glows around Lady Darkside, complete with angelic vocalizing.

Lady Darkside: Goshdarnit! Wait, what the heck? I can't cuss!

Soriel: Good gal damsel, remember?

Al: Lady Lightside, my fair bride! Let us breed happily ever after! And Apple, looks like I'm your baby daddy now

Lady Lightside: Don't call me that! ...Rosebud.

Al's cheeks flush bright red. Everyone snickers.

Apple: Losien might be a villain now, but I'm not sure I want a He-Man cosplayer as my baby daddy?

Everyone:

TLTE: How is the husband of my fellow damsel in distress a He-Man cosplayer?

Apple: He said something about the Masters of the Universe, didn't he?

Everyone: *groan*

Michael McFarlane: Oh fuq, not another one-

----------

Tracer the Writer is tied to the back of an alligator.

Tracer the Writer: Aw c'mon! It's just one of the memories!

Gebohq the Writer: We're not having a second weird Christmas Special from you referenced in a single year!

Tracer the Writer: You're just jealous of my self-inflicted NeS tradition...

Michael McFarlane: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

The Illusionist: Were things always that... frickin' mental back then!?
Michael McFarlane: Not alw-...
The Illusionist: What?
Michael McFarlane: Can you at least turn into some kind of human thing? It's really off-putting talking to a cat...
The Illusionist vanishes and reappears in a poof of smoke, taking on the guise of-

Michael McFarlane: Losien!!?
-That's what I was going to say...

The Illusionist: Well this got your attention didn't it?

On Memory Lane;

Amal: But if Miss Losien has become evil... she can't be our Main Character!!

Rachel: Ha! Yes!! Now my Gebby can reclaim his spot as king of the story!!

----------

In London;

Gebohq: I feel like someone's tugging on my short-and-curlies.

MZZT: EW!

Iriana Emp: What does this mean?

MZZT: You really don't want to know.

Couchman: Besides, wouldn't you like to check out my luxurious couches Princess?

Iriana Emp: Well now that you mention it. I hope you'll be serving tea, my fine gentleman.

----------

Soriel: No. He can't. I believe he's embroiled in some kind of minor sub-plot involving couches...

----------

Gebohq: No wait. It's gone.

Couchman: Might have been my pet ferret. He likes to climb up people's trouser-legs.

MZZT falls over in writhing ball as he fights against the very persistent ferret in his trousers.

---------

Apple: So who is the Main Character? Please don't make it Al...

Al Ciao: Heeeeeeey. I'd make a great Main Character!!

Soriel: Actually Al Ciao would be a good candidate. He has a lot of qualities a Main Character needs and he has been here a long time. Especially if you count his alter-ego.

Rachel: Which we don't. He was a Powergaming bast-

Soriel: Rachel would also be a very good candidate for Main Character. She was essentially the Main Character during Gebohq's incapacity a few story arcs back.

Rachel: Good point! Yeah!

(Lady) LightSide: Boo!

Apple: What about Maeve or The Otter?

Soriel: They're drunks.

The Otter: [/B] Wuzzat?

Maeve: Something about drinking, I think.

The Otter: Cheers to that!!

The two Brits neck another bottle of booze.

Apple: What about this morose fella?

Soriel: TLTE is...

TLTE glares at Soriel.

Soriel: Well TLTE is TLTE. I'm pretty sure destiny has a different path for him.

TLTE: You sound more and more like Thand every day, tovarish...

Soriel: And that's exactly why I can't be the Main Character. I'm the mentor kind of character right now. And Apple you're the new kid with a baby. No way you'd make it as lead role.

Apple: Like I'd want to?

Soriel: That leaves one other very real possibility.

All eyes turn to Amal.

Amal: Or... we could try to make Losien turn good again? Wouldn't that be the more... sensible, logical and easiest solution to the problem?

Soriel: Definitely Main Character material.

TLTE puts a fatherly arm around his "nephew's" shoulders.

Losien: I should totally beat you all into a pulp...

Soriel: