A blind old man with a walking stick wanders in, crashes into walls, doors, and various other paraphernalia strewn about the Neverending Story, and finds Gebohq.

"Smellyfishhead!" he cries hoarsely. "Ubishmal abavacunt Fvir Mishmein'Leem! Etcum batara ve szad mookay!"

"Um, what?" Gebohq asks quizzily.

[Sorry,] the author's voice comes down out of the sky. [I accidentally wrote his language in Old Jikeemian. Here's the English translation.]

"Geebohq!" the old man cries hoarsely. "Ey am de Dark Lancer! I shallenge you to ay doo-el!"

------------------
An optimist is someone who stomps on the floor and calls it tap dancing.

Geb: Uh-oh, another duel. Better thikn of something quick. Er.... *to Dark Lancer* Hey man, I gotta tell you, duels aren't in my contract anymore. Yeah, you gotta talk to, um...Semievil over there

*Semievil only having caught on to the words "duel" and his own name, sits up from his current drunken stupor and staggers his way over to the old man/Dark Lancer.*

Sem: I can take ya on ol' man.

Geb: Why does this sem all too familiar? Oh well.. *attempts to sneak away*

*Meanwhile, Darth Vader stepped into the bar where our heroes are currently at. Vader takes a step towards where he sees the majority of our heroes, decides that they can wait and uses the Force to gravitate a beer towards him. Grabbing a straw, he sips teh beer through his mask and uses the Force to change the channels on the TV.*

Vader: The Force is a powerful ally indeed...

Will Darth Vader get off his lazy *** and finish our heroes off? Will the newcomer *yay, a newcomer* Dark Lancer, prove himself a worthy advesary against the cowardly Gebohq and his friends? Will the "drunk dueling a sober guy" scene plague this story again? Find out int eh next post!

Dark Lancer strikes Gebohq on the leg as he attempts to get out.

"Geebohq! Eescape you vill not!"

"Dang!"

Vader jumps into the fray. "Hul-par... hul-par... hul-par..."

Dark Lancer smashes Vader's helmet in with his stick. "Zere, finally rid of zat obnoxious breathing."

"Why you blind old fool!" Vader yells.

"Who is ze more foolish, ze fool or ze fool who follows ze fool?"

"And stop quoting Obi-wan!"

Vader draws his lightsaber and swings at Dark Lancer.

Dark Lancer nimbly dodges, and says, "Hmm. I vonder vhat veapon I should use. My lightscimitar? No. My lightwheep[whip]? No. My Grade 10 durasteel-alloy long-range hyper-detonation bazooka launcher? No. Ah! I have eet. I shall use... my steeck!"

Dark Lancer swings his stick so hard that Vader's head is cut off.

"Haha, ze Headless Horseless Man you are now, hmm?"

Vader scoops up his head and walks out sullenly...

------------------
An optimist is someone who stomps on the floor and calls it tap dancing.

Sem puts down his drink just long enough to connect what he's seeing to the everquest player directory....

/who all Dark Lancer

Dark Lancer: level 60 zelot <writers of the story> zone: CharacterBarC

Armed with this new information, Sem decides that a strategic advance to the door is prudent. Dark Lancer seeing this attempted escape lunges for Sem with his steeck, and crashes heavily into the abruptly closed door. Seeing the door in the "closed" position, Dark ponders the situation, and considers his options. Opting for the violent and reckless option, Dark smashes the door into little itsie bitsie pieces. As he steps though the door, Sem leaps down from above, Duct-taping his arms firmly to his sides. Finding himself inadequate for the pourpose of removing Sem's specially designed Duct-tape, Dark runs after Sem, a whirling mass of kicks and head-bashes, his steek strapped helplessly to his back, even it being unable to break the bonds of Sem's allmighty Duct-tape. Sem, however, seeing that he has failed to entirely disable Dark, bolts off, barely managing to keep out of range of Dark's wildly swinging feet....

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Dark Lancer cries, "Semievil, you vill be semi-DEAD by ze time ey am done vith you!" He takes out his lightwhip and cuts himself loose.

Then he gives Semievil thirty lashes. "Ahahahaha-hahahaha! Ey am ze man!"

------------------
An optimist is someone who stomps on the floor and calls it tap dancing.

Sem, picking up a shred of duct-tape, looks forlornly at it. Turning to Dark, he sets his shoulders squarely and reels up to his full hieght <4 times since page 3!> Then, SHAZZAM!!! Out of the black night, with a horrible vengance comes Ursus Major!!! In his great teeth is clamped Sem's Dog-jaw shaman weapon, ripped from the very bones of the great uber-dog Trixie. Obtaining his great, and powerful weapon thus, Sem flies into a passionate berzerker frenzy, begining with a roar that levels not only all nearby structures, but also the terrain for 10 miles around. Thus having deprived his foe of cover, he lunges forward and liquifies Dark with a single, mighty blow. Sem then picks up a glob of dark and heaves it 12 miles away to the nearest medical facility.
Dark, waking up after 15 months in a coma, but thanks to the wonders of reconstructive surgury, not much the worse for wear: "Mental note: When removing Duct-Tape, excercise great caution so as not to damage it."
He slips back into unconsiousness for a few hours.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Materializing out of wherever she disappeared to, Maybe walks up to Sem and grasps his hand.
Maybe: Sweet... Pure mastery of the whole Mighty Marvo bit, man.
Sem: what mighty marvo bit? that was all me, dood.
MC: riiiight.... Well, at any rate, I'm back, and I'm a better spellsinger this time!
Sem: Does this mean it actually WORKS when you try to cast?

Maybe baps Sem for the snyde comment....

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

Old Man:"I FEEL--HAPPY!"

*BONK!*

------------------
---------------
"...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
-Jefferson Airplane
"White Rabbit"

Sem rubs his head and looks at the old man quizically.
Then Sem examines his newly created plain.
Then Sem looks at the cute, small, furry creature which has taken hold of his manipulative appendage.
Finding that the adrenaline in his system has rendered him incapable of moving forward in thought, Sem simply sits down and rocks back and forth.

Suddenly, accross the blast center from him, and opponent appears. It is the great Otter!(tm)(c).
Otter: "Weapon?"
Sem: "Maces, no shields"
Otter: "Ready?"
Sem, glancing at his restricted rightmost appendage: "Wait! No fair. We fight left handed!"
Otter: "No prob, I'm ambidextrous"
Sem: "You wet rat!"
Otter: "Begin!"
Sem, seeing himself to have severely limited options weilds the mace underhanded in his left hand, flipping it up to block Otter's attacks. Noticing his severe disadvantage, Sem lifts Maybe off the ground and carries her around in his right arm for the remaining duration of the fight. Disarming his foe(smashing the Otter's mace into bits with a headbash) he places Maybe on the ground and sits an arm length away, looking concernedly at his trapped arm.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Finally letting go of Sem's hand (and somewhat miffed at being considered "furry"), Maybe slings her duar around and starts strumming a few bars of "In a Rainbow" by Sweetwater.
Sem: AAAH!!! Where'd the colors come from???
Maybe: Hey, at least it's a harmless song. Would you rather I played "The Thing That Should Not Be"?
Sem: *ponders* ...no......
Maybe: Well then.
Maybe changes key and starts playing "Eleanor Rigby". After the line "ah, look at all the lonely people," Sem looks at her in distress.
Sem: Uh, Maybe, do you feel that?
Maybe: feel what?
Sem: The ground!

They look up to see Otter, Geb, and various others running ahead of a vast mob (a la the running of the bulls). The mob is comprised entirely of people without friends.

Maybe: $h!t!!!

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

Geb: I always wanted to be liked by teh public, but not like this!

Ante: Yeah, there isn't one good looking chick in the crowd anyways.

Los: Oh boy! Friends I can relate with!

*enter Dark Lancer, who appears very revived.*

DL: Note to self: avoid duct tape at the receieving end...now, let's look at my list here. Ah, add Se..mi..e..vil.. to my list of "people to eliminate" there. Now time to do what I came here for...

*Dark Lancer yanks Gebohq from the screaming mob after him and his friends into a hiding place*

Geb: Thanks man I really--oh, guess I was too quick to speak, eh?

DL: Its all for fun now.

*Gebohq and Dark Lancer duel in teh dark shadows. The mob of lonely people continue to head for the other fighters.*

Sem: Quick! We need to build something.

Maybe: Seriously, you made this wasteland ratehr dull, seeing how its been cleared for 10 miles 'round and all.

Sem: I know what to build. Hurry, I'll need a lot of christmas lights and the duct tape.

*In a fast-foreward action, the fighters build out of duct tape, lights, and other assorted parts a singles bar. The mob immediately hurries into it.*

Maybe: *phew* that was close

Otter: Hey, a new bar! Who's up for a drink?

Sem: Oh not so fast there, I'm still gonna duel you.

Krig: What's the big shiny ball in the sky?

Otter: That would be the Death Star

Sem: I knew we forgot something...oh look, the Rebel base in the Massassi Temple is right past our arena.

*The fighters stand in a lack of action. A ghostly image of obi-won kenobi stands besides them*

Obi-won: The laziness is strong with these fighters...

*B.U.M.P.!*

*The fighters start to show concern as they wonder what just happened.*

*B.U.M.P.!*

*They feel the ground shake beneath them with each disturbing er...disturbance.*

Geb: Um, do I want to know what's making that noise?

Sem: No. Never. I pray you never find out.

*B.U.M.P.!*
*B.U.M.P.!*

Ante: I think this would be a good time to head for the Massassi Temple now...

Sem: Quick, everyone in the landspeeder!

Geb: (having been in it long before Sem said anything) Faster faster faster-faster.

*Everyone is in the landspeeder now except for R2/theOtter, who treads along EXTREMELY slowly, just like R2.*

*From behind the corner of the new singles bar, a towering T-Rex roars at the sitting victims in the landspeeder.*

Sem: I'm ditchin' him.

*Sem puts the petal to the metal as Gebohq yells "sorry!' to the Otter, who is now in the reach of the T-Rex.*

Otter: This could be bad...

Maybe: *in the landspeeder* Why didn't we just fight the thing?

*The others looked at her momentarily, then laughed their heads off. Their laughing abruptly ceases as they find a second T-Rex running after them*

Geb: Oh great, his wife tagged along for the kill. How uplifting.

What will happen to our cowardly heroes in the landspeeder? What will theOtter's fate be? What will happen to all those poor people in the singles bar? Oh yeah, and that other little problem with the Death Star blowing up the planet also. Details details...

(The Viking Returns!)

Krig/Chewie:"Graaarghh rowwrg?"

Geb/Han:"Uh, I'm pretty sure we're at the part where the Death Star is about to blow up Yavin 4 moon, Kr--Chewie."

*A bunch of x and y-wings take off from the Massassi Temple*

Geb/Han:"Yep. And since Luke--Sem--isn't in his x-wing, we have no hope of surviving at all."

Sem/Luke:"We have even less chance if you don't keep driving!"

Geb/Han:"Oh, oops."

*Geb floors the landspeeder and the female T-Rex chomps the ground where they had just been."

Sem/Luke:"Whew, that was close."

Ante/Threepio:"Hey, where the h--I mean--oh my, where did Artoo go? I can't see the little-- I mean-- him!"

Otter/Artoo, inside T-Rex's stomach:"Uh... beep beep beep."

Geb:"No time for that now, Goldenrod! We gotta get to the Massassi Temple so we can get Sem into his X-Wing and blow up the Death Star before we all die!"

Krig, pointing ahead:"Mroorahrg!"

Geb:"What tree?"

*crunch*

Did our erstwhile heroes survive this horrible crash? Can they get to the Massassi Temple in time to save the plot and their lives? How exactly did they get to Yavin 4 in the first place? And how did two T-Rexes get to Yavin 4? All these questions and more in the next Never Ending Story

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited October 13, 2000).]

(NSP: At some point, Sem had written that they had transported from teh death star to a different place (he says he infered it anyways...I'm still looking for it hehe), and since Yavin 4 was the closest thing I could thikn of, that's why I decided they should be there. AS for teh T-rex's: it is a well known fact *audience: *coughBScoughBScoughBS!* that they court in singles bars, and naturally feel comfortable in them. They will um...cross plot holes even to get to one. Yeah...oh, and sorry for not putting another story post here, I just can't think exactly where to go right now. Oh, I just realized Krig joined back. YAH! Oh, so you know, SoD still really hasn't progressed, but Antestarr says he's trying to finish it up by this week, so I should have the rest up by next week. And I'm trying to leave post 400 for Antestarr too, so ya know. and yay some more, Krig's back!)

*Meanwhile, at the Massassi writer's office...*

Geb: So what should happen next?

Sem: I dunno

Ante: Isn't that why we had them on teh TV? So we didn't have to write what happened to them? We'd just simply flip the channel if things got boring?

Geb: Yeah, well it'd help if we had the remote. It's int eh TV program now, and if they find it, we'll have to start writing up things for them to do again.

Maybe: Why don't we just turn the channels manually?

*Everyone gives her a blank and confused expression.*

Maybe: *sigh* nevermind...

Ante: I still don't get why you asked "what should we write next?" if we don't even write for it.

Geb: Because we really DO write for it, its just in our own writings, we say we don't.

Ante: This is one of those annoying Star Trek paradoxes, isn't it?

Krig: Krig's head hurts.

Geb: Yeah, well my point is if we don't "write" something, thigns will get ratehr slow again.

Sem: How about we just roll that short film of monkeys reinacting the Civil War?

Geb: ....sounds good to me.

*Audience starts to see the Civil War staged before them. Meanwhile, back on Yavin 4...*

Geb: I feel that the audience isn't watching us anymore.

Sem: Yeah, and all the better too.

*The fighters find themselves down to their boxers and underwear as they had tried to "lighten the load" of their landspeeder to keep the T-Rex from catching up. Unfortunately, its right in front of them.*

Everyone in speeder:"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

*Geb slams on the brakes. Everyone whips forward and whacks their heads on the dashboard or the seat in front of them.*

Krig/Chewie:"Mrrrowrggh!*

Geb/Han:"Uh, I don't think asking him not to eat us will help..."

*The T-Rex rears back to chomp on the speeder, then suddenly stops."

T-Rex:"Rooooooooaaaaaaaaarrrrrrghh!!"

*The T-Rex shakes violently, then procedes to puke on the landspeeder and everyone in it.*

Everyone in speeder:"EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

Otter/R2, covered in barf:"Hey, guys! I guess I didn't agree with him..."

Krig/Chewie:"Murrrgh"

Geb/Han:"Krig--er, Chewie says that you smell."

Otter/R2:"We ALL smell! We're covered in Rex puke!"

Sem/Luke:"Perhaps we should get away from here while the T-Rex is still sick..."

Geb/Han:"Yeah, come on, let's get outta here!"

*The Crew sits there in the landspeeder while the T-Rex stops retching and gets up off the ground.*

Maybe:"Uhhh, Geb, you're driving."

Geb:"Oh, Sithspit, right!"

*Geb floors the speeder and they all take off towards the Massassi Temple. The T-Rex ignores them and heads back to the single's bar, hoping to get a tastier meal.*

Will our intrepid heroes make it to the Temple in time to get Sem into an X-Wing so he can destroy the Death Star in time to save Yavin 4? If you don't know, then I'm not telling you! Haha!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

Back in the singles bar, Dark Lancer is watching monkeys reenact the Civil War on the holovision. Bored, the blind old man stands up, bumps into the sick T-rex, causing him to get thrown up on, and stumbles outside.

Right in front of him, a landspeeder full of people stripped down to their underwear pulls up.

Krig/Chewie: Dagnabbit! I mean - mrroagh!

Sem/Luke: What did he say? I mean, besides "dagnabbit".

Geb/Han: He said that we've been traveling in circles.

Maybe: No, duh.

Otter/R2: Beep-de-beep beep bleep BEEP!

Dark Lancer climbs into the landspeeder, thinking it is a taxi. "To ze Mazzazzi Temple!" he cries.

Geb/Han: No questions asked, huh?

Dark Lancer/Ben: Let's just zay Ey'd like to avoid any... Eemperial entanglements.

Geb/Han: That's gonna cost ya something extra, old fool. Ten thousand, all in advance.

Dark Lancer/Ben: Who is ze more foolish, ze fool or ze fool zat follows ze fool? Two thousand now, fifteen when we reach Alderaan - Blast eet, not Alderaan, ze Mazzazzi Temple; I am ze last Jedi Master in ze galaxy, yet my staff cannot give me ze right bloody screept!

Maybe: What's that smell?

------------------
An optimist is someone who stomps on the floor and calls it tap dancing.

Storm-trooper on deathstar: "Man, this lazer is taking a rediculously long time to fire."
Emperor: "<zzzz>huh?"
Storm-trooper: "<zzzz>
Emperor: "oh. <zzzz>"
Dart Wader: "Whad couwd powwibly be wong wid dis waser-bweam? Id ouwd do hawe fiwewed by now. Owe, hewe is de pwobwem"
Wader dislodges a polmegranite from the opening labeled "Waser Fiwewing Mwechanwisim", and tries to fire the laser again, aiming for the Temple.
Meanwhile, down on de pwanet, Geb is driving the speeder at break-neck speed through the forest, and runs smack into a convieniently placed mirror. The mirror shatters, and a small shard flies through the forest and comes to rest on the top of the massasi temple, just as the laser hits, sending it ricocheting back towards the deathstar, destroying it's "weapwons wechanwisims"

Back on the planet, a bad-luck imp suddenly appears.
Bad-luck imp, to Geb: "I curse you, with seven years of bad luck!"
Geb: "I wasn't driving!"<grabbing Krig>"It was him!"
Bad luck imp: "My bad. Ok, Chewie, I place a curse of seven years bad luck on you!"
The imp leaves
Geb, looking around to see everyone staring at him but Krig, who just had an unfortunate incident with a pinecone: "What!?!?!?"

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

NSP: All I have to say is I don't think the DMV is gonna let me keep my driver's lisense after reading this...

*Back wherever we left the real cast of Star Wars*

Real Chewie:"Mrrrg"
Real Han:"What do you mean you don't feel so lucky anymore?"

*Down on Yavin 4*

Krig/Chewie:*swallows pine cone*"Krig drive now? Murrgh!"

*Krig grabs the wheel and, before anyone can do anything about it, floors the speeder.*

Geb/Han:"What have I done??"

*Krig pulls up in front of the Massassi Temple without putting a scratch on the speeder.

Krig/Chewie:"Krig get driving training with Ares's Viper--er--Murrghrflg."

Maybe/Leia:"Quick, Sem-er-Luke, get in there and get in your x-wing!"

What will befall our intrepid heroes? Will they defeat the Bad Guys and go on to ESB? Or will they be stuck in ANH for ever? Stick around and find out!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

(NSP: Woohoo! Krig has stolen the 500th post on this story too! Hahaha!)

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

Yeah, well, I've gotten the 501st!

------------------
The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, but the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.

Whohoo! 1 post away from SoD!!!
B.U.M.P.
Benevolent Upward Mobility Post!! whohoo!

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Meanwhile, back at the temple...

Maybe/Leia: *looks at Geb/Han* Uh, does this mean I have to eventually kiss you, you Nerf-herder?

Geb/Han: *studly voice* Well, now that you mention it. . .

Maybe/Leia: What? I can't hear you through my hair. . .

Geb/Han nods his head exaggeratedly, with a huge $h!t-faced grin.

Maybe/Leia: Ack! I'd just as soon kiss a wookie!

Krig/Chewie jumps on Maybe/Leia and lays a big wet one right on her lips.

Maybe/Leia: GAAHHH!!! I TAKE IT BACK!!!! *sputter, cough, sputter sputter*

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited October 17, 2000).]

Hmmm, I'd read the rest of the story, but somehow I don't think I'd have any idea what was going on anyway...

------------------

I would read it too, but its a lot..... well....

nm

HAH! It is now official! We have surpassed SoD!
And I feel like such a looser posting at 4:05 in the morning when I have to get up at 6, but I can't sleep! <sob> I go try again now.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

*Sem settles down into the cockpit of an X-wing in the deserted hanger of the Massassi Temple.*

Sem/Luke:"Where is everybody?"

Geb/Han:"They all took off to blow up the Death Star, remember?"

Sem/Luke:"Oh, right."

Maybe/Leia:"Too bad there was only this pile o' junk left..."

*The camera pans back to show a practically falling apart X-Wing. In the background, Krig and Ante are trying to shove Otter into the little droid socket of the X-Wing.*

Sem/Luke:"Hey, guys, are you sure this thing's even got life support?"

Geb/Han, uncomfortably:"Uhhhh, yeah, I checked it out myself!"

Sem/Luke:"Ok, if you say so!"

Geb/Han:"Ok, everybody get clear! Sem--er, Luke, you're clear to lift off!"

*Everybody backs off and stands looking at the X-Wing. Faint moans come from the droid socket, where Otter's legs are the only part of him visible. The x-wing continues to sit on the ground.*

Geb/Han:"Maybe it needs gas..."

What will happen now? What will happen now? What will happen now? What will happen now?

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

Sem gets out of the X-wing and stands in front of it.
Sem, to X-wing: "You will start your engine NOW!!!!!!"
Ending the word 'now' in an earthshattering roar, Sem stands back as the engine promptly starts right up..... and the rest of the X-wing simply falls apart from the force of the sound. All the others are laying flat on the ground, thier heads pointed directly away from the blast center.
Maybe: "You know, I'm thinkin.... that roar of yours is a useful skill.... but mebbe it just needs to be used more in it's place.... I mean.... it's good... but devastating."
Krig, getting up: "Just say it, it sucks!"
Sem bellows at Krig, knocking him back down
Krig: "But it sucks in a good way!"
Dark makes a gesture with his hand, and gets up.
Sem begins to roar again, but this time goes into a coughing fit instead. Becoming frustrated he takes 2 empty fuel canisters and begins bashing them together to make noise.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited October 19, 2000).]

NSP: Um...didn't the death star blow up b/c of the mirror-reflection of lazer beam thing? Perhaps someone can tell em whene death star numero two-oh came in?

It didn't blow up, only it blew up it's own laser

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Sem: (in midst of rebuilding X-Wing) Almost finished....there! Ain't she a ba-yout?

*The X-wing, now entirly covered in duct tape, stood in all its glory.*

Geb: Um, not that duct tape isn't teh solution to all problems, but you sure that thing is safe to fly? Not that I care or anything. After all, you're the one flying it.

Sem: Sure it is! Just needs a bit of pick-up and some weapons and she's ready to blow up anything.

Maybe: How about this? (holds up a bubble gun)

Ante: Now's not the time for your passafism Maybe--er, Princess Leia.

Maybe: Hey! I think it could be used as a darn good weapon if ya put your head to it. Besides, you see anythign else here that you could use?

Otter: *trying to draw attention to himself from the X-wing* oh-oh! I can make fireballs from my hands!

Maybe: Hush, I didn't ask you.

Otter: sorry ma'am...

Maybe: That's better. *attaches bubble gun to duct tapeed X-wing* There. Now go up there and blow up the death star. And try to have it blow up around...uhh...9:35 tonight. It'll make a good fireworks show for the kids.

Sem: *grumble* "Blow it up at 9:35" she says. "gotta do it for the kids" she says...

*Maybe proceeds to bap Sem on the head, as Sem promtly crawls into the X-wing for lift-off. As Sem flies away, Geb snaps his fingers, remembering something*

Geb: I knew I forgot something! The Falcon should be here! Let's jump in everyone!

Ante: Man, I'd hate to be Sem right now...

*Meanwhile, in space, Sem/Luke is surrounded by thousands of TIE fighters*

Sem: Eep!

Oh dear! Will our heroes survive the climax of Star Wars? Only the next post will tell!...or maybe it won't and you'll never find out! Bwahahahahahahaha....haha...ha...ha..heh...eh.

(NSP) Bubble gum? Ok, I can't think of anything.... Dark?

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

*Sem yanked back on the control stick, and his duct-tape covered x-wing snapped into a vertical climb. Three blasts from the TIEs punctured the vaccuum where he had been, milimeters from his exhaust ports.*

Random TIE pilot:"There's no way an x-wing should be able to do that!"

*Reaching the top of it's climb, Sem's shiny silver x-wing's tail end whipped up, leaving the nose pointing directly down at the group of x-wings.*

Sem/Luke:"Engaging S-foils..."

*The duct tape covered S-foils flipped open with impossible speed. Sem fired off a few quick blasts, and began his dive towards the TIEs."

Sem/Luke:"Didn't realize that duct tape would actually improve the x-wing's handling... although now that I think about it, I should have!"

Otter/R2:"Beep beep beeeep!"

Sem/Luke:"What do you mean? You're a droid, you don't have to breath!"

Otter/R2:"Bwarrrp wonk weeble!"

Sem/Luke:"Oh, right... just hold your breath then!"

Otter/R2:"Beep."

*Just then, a TIE swoops by and blows Otter's head off.*

Otter/R2:"WAAAAAAAAAAOWWWWWW!"

Sem/Luke:"Don't worry Artoo, bacta fixes all!"

*Sem engages his afterburners and speeds towards the looming Death Star."

* * *
*Meanwhile, in the Millenium Falcon..."

Geb/Han, patting pockets:"Uhhh... anybody know where the keys are?"

Will Otter survive? Will Geb not get off the ground and therefore not get to the Death Star and therefore not be able to save Sem from Darth Vader? Probably not...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

B.U.M.P.

Oh no, now even Gebohq has begun to use the dreaded B.U.M.P.! Will this neverending story finally die? Will Geb ever stop asking "will the neverending story die?" every time it slows down? Unfortunately for you, the answer is probably no, so tune in to the next post, where more unoriginal and unentertaining action takes place! ...Hey, I don't like how my boss is giving me that death look right now...

*Ante/C3PO, deciding he no longer wanted to search for the keys, decided to make the others a bit more... uh... motivated.*

Ante: Thats it. Now it's my turn to sing. This one is called "Blurry Eyes", originally performed by L'Arc en Ceil for the intro to DNA^2.

*Guitars and drums start up in the background*

Ante: To o ku no kaze wo mini matou
Anata ni wa todoka nai
Mata shisen ha dokoka mado no mukou
Kawaranai yokan wa tsuzuite iru
Ano hibi sa e kumotte shimau
Meguri kuru toki ni yakusoku o ubaware sou
Kono ryoute sashinobetemo kokoro wa hana te
Meguri kuru toki ni taisetsu na hito wa mou
Furimuita sono hitomi ni chiisana tameiki

*In a panic at the sound of the Japanese language so easily rolling off the lips (vocal hardware?) of Ante, the others frantically search for the keys. Gebohq finally finds them strategically hidden behind the sunshade.*

Geb: OK, OK! You can stop now.

Ante: Fine then. Just be happy I didn't break out into "The Edge of Soul".

Sem: I'm going in!

*Sem's duct-tape X-wing zooms down teh classic death star trench run, waiting to reach the distance needed to teh target. While doing so, r2/theOtter was taking a bacta bath in teh back. Unfortunately for tehm, Dart Wader was closing in on them from behind, flying his TIE fighter closely behind.*

Dart Wader: I hawe yo noo!

Sem: EEP! Time to shoot my weapons!

*Sem pulls teh triggers, and many pretty bubbes fly delicately from his wings, only to float and pop on teh windshield of Wader's TIE fighter.*

Sem: Thees ees NOT good...

*Meanwhile, the Falcon finally takes off, heading towards teh Death Star.*

Geb: Do I want to know what that song you sang translates to Ante--er, threepio?

Ante/threepio: Probably not....um, sir.

Geb: *in melodramatic fashion* then let's save teh Rebellion!

Maybe: oh brother, there he goes with his bad acting...

(NSP: I personally think we should have a saber battle...somehow. Then who knows from here)

*NSP: Geb, you of all people should know how to do a saber battle here. Come on, I've subjected you to "Thumb Wars" before...*

The camera follows one of the rainbowish bubbles down to the surface of the deathstar, near the trench, where lies, the little known deathstar orchestra pit, which was to be the secondary target in the first movie in the event that the trench run went over time.
Standing before a magnificent 150 piece orchestra, hair shocked into a wild frenzy of bubble-soap spikes and twists, is Ares clone!
As our fateful little bubble pops into his hair, he calls the orchestra to attention and begins a powerful rendition of "Flight of the Valkerie" to bring on.....
(camera pans dramatically skyward)
..... Bernard! yes! our faithful little model bird has returned with a great fleet of space-pidgeons.

Dart: "Ahh!! de boids!!! de boids!!!!!"

The fleet of model birds forces Darts TIE down to the surface of the Death Star, where soon after Sem lands dramatically.

Dart, getting out of his ship: "Aww cwat! De pant on de skenewy is stiww wet! An dees wewe good ewil bwoots toow!"

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

(NS: Oh I know HOW to post a saber battle, I just didn't feel like it. The laziness is STRONG within me)

*On the Death Star surface, nearby their ships, Dart Wader and Sem ignite their lightsabers, Sem's shining a blue color similar to Luke' and Dart's glowing a psycadelic rainbow color*

Dart: De fworce is sta-wong wit ye-u. Now oose yur engar and-a stwike me down!

Sem: What?

Dart: Ei seid, De fworce is sta-wong wit ye-u. Now oose yur engar and-a stwike me down!

Sem: WHAT? I can't understand a word you're saying!

Dart: Stoopwid nomskwall, Ei wam spweaking pwefect En-gwish--er--Baiswic Ei mwean.

Sem: My ears are hurting...

*Meanwhile, in the Falcon...*

Geb: I can fly this thing! Let go!
Maybe: No you can't! You've had too much to drink! Give me the controls.
Krig: Mwargh!
Ante: I should be flying here--

*As teh group was fighting for teh controls, the Falcon made a crash landing right next to the saber battle.*

All I have to say is I have no idea where this is going? Would anybody care to tell me?

(NSP: And I'm STILL too lazy to do a saber battle! Hehe)