(Just have to get in a quick one-liner here. )

Michael: Final answer?

( )

(NSP: I can always count on Losien to bring the romantic, semi-serious and semi-actual comedic style into NeS without the semi-evil and semi-Geb style random-esque no-plot no-direction whack comedy what seems rampant as the Black Plague was in 1666 (or whenever). And to TLTE--NeS writers often ruthlessly cut down each other to progress what we call "comedy" (and what others may call 911 for), so please don't be offended by what happened--it means we like ya! Honestly--jsut look at what happened to Janitor Bob when he first joined Also, when you start writing up your "hero" version of TLTE, I'm sure, to be the opposite of your writer version (like Krig has done physically with his characters), he'll be having the ladies swooning over hero TLTE and giving ethan hawk-esque Phantom Master a run for his boyish charms. Anywhos, just a little spin-off not-terribly story related (yes there is a difference between story and plot. Just don't ask me what it is) for you to read...)

What is it with these "newbies" coming into the Neverending Story Thread? I remember back in the good ol' days when we had quality writers like galvatron, Enchilada Man, and Miss Fire. Now I'm stuck with a janitor, a Communist, and some bum named "Mick". And I still can't get rid of that Geb guy for the--what's this now? What do you mean "they insist on using "out of character" instead of "non-story reply"? I will not give up my faithful sidekick, NSP! I'd leave if it wasn't for the fact that I don't really exist. Yeah yeah, page 22. Yippie, woot, yey, and all that good rot. Read the next thrilling post of the Neverending Story Thread to uh...find out what happens next. And stuff...

(NSP/ooc: btw, another small and nearly insignificant thing to point out: The Neverending Story is what the writer's write, and what the heroes exist in, produced by Ares (referred to as NeS, which is also the name of a man in the writer's realm somehow connected with the story, knows all its details, and began Nesianity. The Neverending Story Thread is what this whole thing is considered, and should only be used by the Narrator, who is beyond and is part of all the realms. Somehow. Yes, how such a comedy got so complicated is beyond me, but its fun, because none of us really stress out over the details *thank God for plot holes* That is, except for those like me with too much free thinking time...)

------------------
~Geb

NSP:[/b]Of course, Janitor Bob is usually stupid and ignorant in both realms...

And I thought ooc meant Out of Context. I'll use NSP now. It has a better... ring to it.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(NSP or ooc: (which I never knew what it meant..lol) Well..Geb...I'm sorry I always bring in the semi-actual, semi-serious parts...lol..I don't know why. I think that's more of what kind of writing I like to do. I...and everyone else, will just have to face the fact that I'm not really that funny. :-) Hope you don't mind that I throw in these semi-actual, semi-serious, semi-romance things. I can't help it. I just read the post before...and post whatever comes to mind. Is that OK? :-) If not..let me know, and I'll try to change...well, I'll try anyways.)

NSP: Your post is fine, Losien.

Also, TLTE, and Mike, it would help me if you would specify whether you're talking about the writer, or the actual hero. This is usually done by saying: Mike the Writer:

Or TLTETW:

Geb, the narrator, seems rather crotchety today. Soon he's going to start rambling about the great depression.

Also, correct me if I'm wrong Geb or Sem, but from what I've seen, all posts are accepted. You cannot ruin the story, so don't worry about it. Somebody could write about how Janitor Bob the Writer turned into a Three-Headed Monkey, then I would be a three-headed monkey for the next couple of posts.

That's the great thing about NES. Except of course, for one post story killers, where we immediatelly send Morris after you.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(NSP: Janitor Bob..:-) you know, it's alright to tell me the truth once in a while. Geb has told me (haven't you?) a million times that all posts are accepted...and that it doesn't matter if you think they're "stupid" because..that's the point...but I don't know...I can't stop this feeling inside that I get...because I don't want to mess up the story...if that makes sense. Although...it probably doesn't, because you just got done telling me I can't ruin the story. Oh well..I don't know. Maybe it would be better if someone did change me into a 3 headed monkey. I'd be a lot cuter..that's for sure. Monkeys are really cute. ;-))

(NSP: Um, I still can't figure out the whole writer/hero thing.)

NSP: Maybe, It'd be better if I futiley try to explain it also.

There is this story. It's called the Neverending Story. And in this story there are heroes. They do some amazing stuff and get killed a lot, but always come back, because of plot holes. However, there are people writing the Neverending Story.

They, coincedentally, are called writers. They control what hapens in the Neverending Story. However, 'crazy and zany' things happen to the writers themselves. {ie, large explosive car chases with futuristic cars, devestating floods, blinding gunfights, etc)

Plot Hole Alert!: What happened to the Microsoft Secret Plans o' World Domination that Losien had?

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(NSP: I see. Apparently I'm in the writers' world, then. That was confusing me for a second.)

(NSP: Really sorry about the plot hole thing with the Microsoft Secret Plans Of World Domination. *looks around, shuffling through papers* I must've lost it. OK...actually, I don't really know where to go w/ that...and so someone else can do it. It's not that I'm lazy and don't want to write..really...it's just that I have no idea what you guys want to be done with that. So...yeah...but it's my fault...I forgot all about that.)

(How about a non- non story reply for once, eh?)

*In the Penal Prison of Haxor, Otter hangs... pinned to the wall by Butch's vengeful steel grip. Otter now must rely on his superior diplomatic skills to get out of his situation*

Otter: *urk*

Butch: You were da fool who told Mrs. Brooks about the Oatmeal thing!

Otter: *gag*

Butch: What was that about my mother?

Otter: *uuuk*

Butch: Oh, yeah! Well, so's your old man!

Otter: *choke*

Butch: One more word outta you, shrimp and I'm gunna...

Otter: *hack*

*Before Butch can render Otter's face converse, the door to the opposing cell swings open... revealing a man... or a beast... so wild... so untamed... that just the sight of his hairstyle is enough to send little kids screaming off the playground. Fortunately, he is a good guy*

Mr. T: I pity the foo' who picks on da Otter-man.

*Mr. T, with a few karate moves, causes Butch to let go of Otter, and grab a peice of paper and a pencil to get Mr. T's autograph. Unfortunately, Mr. T is not able to give Butch his autograph, mainly because Mr. T 'laughs in the face of literacy'.

Otter: Thanks... *cough* a lot. What are you in for?

Mr. T: Improper Grammatical usage.

Butch: Dang. You too?
---------------------

*Meanwhile, in the CyberArena, our heroes valientaly fight the Spooky Taco and Dart Wader in a final battle so epic, so noble, so stirring, so awe-inspiring, that most of the Writers can't think of anything to write about it*

*As the heroes Losien and LT Evil sensitively discuss relationships by the Popcorn stand, the other heroes continue to blow things up*

*The Spooky Taco is still unintentionally levitating in the air, through Ante's Yoda Powers. The Taco attempts to smite Ante with bolts of force destruction, but misses while Ante charges around the Arena with Force Speed on.*
------------------

*In the Spooky Taco office, Ante still has Overglow high in the air, pressed against the bookshelf. Overglow attempts a few punches and kicks at Ante, but Ante dodges them quickly and easily.*

*From across the room lordvader looks at Overglow. Overglow looks back at him with a pleading look in his eyes*

Overglow: PLEES...

*lordvader felt no sympathy towards overglow. This was mainly because it was humanly impossible to feel any sympathy towards him. However he couldn't very well let the NES writers reign over the spooky taco, so he put up his dukes and charged past Bob the writer and towards Ante the writer*
-------------------
*Dart Wader stared at the Spooky Taco. He almost felt sorry for it. Being another heiniously evil villian, the Taco and Wader almost felt a certain kind of 'bond' between eachother.*

Dart Wader: Aw gotta save dat Tocow!

*Dart ignites his saber and charges... or waddles quickly... towards the distracted Ante*

*Who will win this battle between good and evil? Good? or Evil? The only way to find out is to tune in to one of my personal favorites... (drumroll) THE NEVERENDING STORY THREAD!!*

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(Note: I've been away a few days, and I'm really glad with all the replies that hit me when I opened the thread up again. This really is the only story I've joined where the writers never quit, thanks guys...

Losien, the reason I didn't cut in and say 'wait, I don't want my character to be the individualist' is because, honestly, I didn't know where I could stand in this thread. I've been a part of stories where first impressions last forever and you can't go back and change them, no matter how loudly you scream, where to say 'your post just doesn't work for me' is considered the height of rudeness... Never mind, now I know that I can, and that means that this is the thread for me. Incidentally, I now know I have the longest abbreviation in history, which I will use from now on; TLTETHNTW, or The Last True Evil The Hero, Not The Writer.)

*Nightfall. Somewhere, on a park bench, Michael and Losien sit, consoling TLTE, who is weeping loudly.*

TLTETHNTW: I...I'm sorry...I have little to no people skills (sob)..I'm a standard superhero, I just don't (honks into tissue) know how to...get along normally!

*Michael keeps rolling his eyes and trying to catch Losien's attention to go, but Losien consoles him.*

Losien: It's not your fault, you were born like this-

TLTETHNTW: ...there's no excuse...in the modern world we live in today (sniffle), the percentage of sweet, sensitive males are growing rapidly...I'm no use anymore. I'm like the Cold War, yesterday's news...

Losien: That's not true...I'm sure you could settle down nicely with a lovely girl...

*TLTETHNTW gets off the bench and walks forward a few paces.*

TLTETHNTW: I'm...going for some vodka. Bye...

*He walks off down the street. Losien watches him for a while, then turns to Michael.*

Michael: What's that look supposed to mean?

Losien: I think you should go after him. Talk to him.

Michael: Whoa, wait a second...this Russian jerk nearly got me killed five seconds after we met! If you hadn't intervened, I would be playing a harp right now! Why should I go talk to him? You communicate better with him...

Losien: If you talk to him, I'll...(she leans over and whispers in his ear).

*Michael's eyes widen.*

Michael: Back in 5.

*He flies off at blistering speed, leaving a cartoon-esque cloud of dust behind him.*

!5 MINUTES LATER!

*Michael catches up with TLTETHNTW in a burnt-out Massassi building. TLTETHNTW is rooting through the place for records of Gebohq.*

Michael: TLTETHNTW man, you've got to come back and act all normal! Losien said if I made things all hunky dory with you she'd-

TLTETHNTW: It really doesn't matter to you, does it?

*Michael stares at him.*

TLTETHNTW: You two have commonalities in your imperfections...sure, you're OK most of the time, but you can be selfish and greedy a lot. And her...like you, good for a while, but she can be cold. Very cold. You two deserve each other.

Michael: Look, if you knew what she was going to do, you'd be happy for-

TLTETHNTW: For what? For you? No. Not now. Not ever.

*TLTETHNTW grabs a document labelled "GEBOHQ: TOP SECRET" and walks out.*

Michael: Godsakes...

*He follows him out and grabs him on the shoulder. TLTETHNTW swings around and punches him square in the face, knocking him flat.*

Michael: What the hell is wrong with you? It could be much worse...she could have slapped you or something-

TLTETHNTW: I'm used to being slapped, Michael! Don't you get it??? What the two of you did to me was unexpected...and devastating. I'll never forget it. What you two did to me...is unforgivable.

*Michael gets to his feet again and moves toward him, but TLTETHNTW clenches his fists.*

TLTETHNTW: Don't bother. I'll find Gebohq myself.

*He starts to walk away, then turns.*

TLTETHNTW: Do you know what 'tovarish' means in Russian? It's like a step up from friend. A life-mate. Someone you can count on through everything and everyone. Gebohq is my tovarish. I thought I found two more. I was wrong...

*He turns and walks off into the blinding moonlight.*

TLTETHNTW: (Over his shoulder) Give Losien my love...

(So there you are. A semi-serious post, to make the comedy a little more palatable. All yours, writers...)

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited July 15, 2001).]

NSP: LT evil, that last post was fine, but seemed to be in the writers realms, as there was a Massassi building, park bench, etc.

There isn't these in the cyber arena.

I'll explain where people are to make it more clear

IN THE WRITERS REALM

Bob the writer, Geb the Writer, Krig the Writer, and Ante the Writer are fighting the Spooky Taco writers.

Sem is Downloading Hacker Booter in the Massassi Office. Maybe is cleaning up the office.

Masseto the Writer, Randy the Writer, and Cooked Haggis the Writer are valiently attempting to buy donuts.

Losien the Writer, Micheal the Writer and LT evil the Writer are having an emotional-feelings-moment... or at least were.

Otter the writer is in prison.

THE HEROES REALM

Randy, Cooked, Geb, Janitor Bob, Masseto, Sem, Maybe, and Ante are fighting the Spooky Taco in the Cyber Arena.

Losien and LT evil are in the Cyber arena also, but are discussing relationships instead of fighting.

Hope that helps.


[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited July 15, 2001).]

(I don't really know what I'm supposed to post about...but I figured I should try and post an actual "non-nonstory post" for once)

(Losien is sitting by herself while Michael is still talking w/ TLTE)

LosienTW: (Shivers) It's getting late. Michael's still not back. Maybe I should go look for him and TLTE.

(Losien decides to wait a little longer to see if Michael returns)

LosienTW: He said he'd be back in 5. (Losien looks at her watch...that she doesn't really have) I know it's been more than 10 minutes, at least!

(Losien begins to drift away into a deep sleep. Minutes later Michael returns shaking Losien.)

MichaelTW: Losien! Wake up! Wake up! (Talking at the speed of light) TLTE was in a burnt-out Massassi building. He was looking through files on Gebohq and he took one labeled "Top Secret." I don't know what he's going to do with it but he was in such a hurry to leave. We have to go soon.

LosienTW: (yawns and stretches her arms) Did you say something?

MichaelTW: (frustrated that Losien wasn't listening) I said...TLTE was in a burnt-out Massassi building. He was looking through files on Gebohq and he took one labeled "Top Secret." I don't know what he's going to do with it but he was in such a hurry to leave. We have to go soon...as in NOW!

LosienTW: (stares blankly at Michael) So...what you're saying...is that..TLTE was in a burnt-out Massassi building. He was looking through files on Gebohq and he took one labeled "Top Secret." You don't know what he's going to do with it but he was in such a hurry to leave...and that we have to go soon...as in NOW!

MichaelTW: That's exactly what I was saying.

LosienTW: Well...then...what are we still doing here? Let's go. Eh...where are we going anyways?

MichaelTW: We have to find TLTE before he gets to Gebohq. He things we hate him. He doesn't trust us...and he said that we're "cold."

LosienTW: Well, it is getting a little chilly. Anyways...which way are we going?

MichaelTW: Just follow me.

(LosienTW and MichealTW begin walking. LosienTW starts getting tired.)

MichaelTW: Come on. We can't stop now.

LosienTW: Are we there yet?

MichaelTW: Not yet. Almost.

(an hour goes by)

LosienTW: Are we there yet?

MichaelTW: Not yet. Almost.

LosienTW: Didn't you say that about an hour ago?

MichaelTW: Yes...but this time...we really are almost there.

LosienTW: I'm going to fall asleep pretty soon. My legs are killing me.

MichaelTW: Sing a song, dance...do something to keep yourself awake.

LosienTW: (in the worst out-of-tune voice ever..begins singing..) "There is just one moon and a golden sun, and a smile means friendship to everyone...la la la, lalala, la la la, lalala, la la, la la la la la...It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all.."

MichaelTW: (massages his forehead with his index fingers) I just got an extremely bad headache.

LosienTW: Oh..is it the song? I'm sorry. I'll stop.

MichaelTW: Thanks. I think that's what it was.

LosienTW: (stops for a while...thinks..and begins singing..) "Dre-e-e-e-eam, Dream Dream Dre-eam, Dre-e-e-e-eam, Dream Dream Dream, When I want you....in my arms...when I need you, and all your charms...whenever I want you all I have to do is Dre-e-e-eam, Dream Dream Dre-eam.."

MichaelTW: (Fed up w/ Losien's singing) What was that? I thought I heard something!

LosienTW: (Stops singing immediately) I don't hear anything.

MichaelTW: Shhh! We should be quiet...just incase that sound comes up again.

LosienTW: OK.

MichaelTW: (thinking to himself: Why didn't I say that earlier?) Keep listening for anything.

LosienTW: OK...but can I ask you a question?

MichaelTW: Sure. (w/ a smile on his face, thinking Losien is going to "pop the question")

LosienTW: Are we there yet?

(NSP: I know this was a pretty repetitive post...I didn't know what else to write...but it's a non-nonstory post..yeah! LOL)

LTE, for over-stepping the bounds of abv. lth., w. sntnc. u. t. b. nwn. a. "Mini-T" hncfrth.

Frthrmr, gtn w/ th stry. nd. use fwr. vuls. =D

On with the story.

STW, downloading the booter, is interrupted by a chime-sound.

Voice: "Semi"

STW kind of creeped out) "Somebody call?"

STW goes back to downloading, and the chime comes again.

Voice: "Semi!"

STW: "Who is that!?"

Voice: "It's the NES, Semi."

STW: "Right.... Where are ya? Whaddaya want? I been good!"

NES: "I want you to build, an ARC!"

STW: "Right.... What's an arc?"

NES: "Get some wood! Build it 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits!"

STW: "Right.... What's a cubit?"

NES: "Well, let's see, a cubit.... I used to know what that was.... Well don't worry about it Semi, when you get that done, go out into the world and collect all of the threads in the world, and put them into the arc!"

STW: "Right! Who is this really? What's goin on? How come you want me to do all these wierd things?"

NES: "I'm going to destroy the board!"

STW: "Right... Am I on candid camera? How you gonna do it?"

NES: "I'm gonna ping the server 1000 times and bring it right down!"

STW: "Right... Listen to this, you'll save bandwidth: Ping the server fourty times from two computers, and wait for the requests to back up."

NES: "Right!"

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

(Oh, so the thing with Massassi is in the Writer's Realm, huh? Right, I got it...my character is actually pretty similar in both places, now I think of it. And speaking about my character, I finally have some direction with which way he's going. Losien gave me an idea with the structure of her last post.)

*TLTETWNTH shuffles down the street, moaning and sobbing loudly.

Suddenly, he looks around. There is no one around.

He straightens up.

Brushes some lint off his shoulder..

And starts to laugh.

Not just a giggle. A full, "I've-won-the-lottery" spasmodic chuckle.*

TLTETWNTH: (Holding his wrist watch up to his face) White Stolitchka, this is Brown Husky. Come in...

*On the digital face, a ghostly image of a middle-aged Russian materialises.*

Command: Ahh...how goes the situation, TLTETWNTH?

TLTETWNTH: I've recovered the documents about Gebohq. Heading toward his current location now.

Command: Good, comrade...I've just received a brief from HQ. Our paratroopers are standing by to invade the Writer's Realm. We only need your signal that Gebohq is dead before moving in.

TLTETWNTH: Our paratroopers are ready? But...I thought our armies were divided and in total disarray!

Command: Not so, tovarish. We only needed funding...but now, our new 'benefactor' has plugged that hold for us.

TLTETWNTH: Who?

*Command leans closer to his screen, enlarging his face on the watch.*

Command: (Hushed tone) Microsoft.

TLTETWNTH: No!

Command: Their motives remain a mystery, but it's made us a very wealthy army...

TLTETWNTH: Hold on, I hear a car coming...

Command: Ah yes, your partner...Agent Krozhdonovy, as you requested.

*TLTETWNTH can see the blood-red Lambourghini pulling into his field of vision. A strikingly beautiful raven-haired woman is behind the wheel.*

Command: I must go now. Good luck, the fate of Mother Russia rests on your shoulders...

TLTETWNTH: Spasibo, comrade.

*The image fades away, just as Agent Nikki Krozhdovony pulls up to a screech next to TLTETWNTH.*

Nikki: Good evening, Agent 226.

TLTETWNTH: Likewise, Agent 498.

*He leaps into the car and holds her closely.*

Nikki: This could qualify as sexual harassment, Agent 226-

TLTETWNTH: That would only be true if you didn't enjoy it, comrade.

*She laughs, gunning the engine. TLTETWNTH loosens his grip on her and puts on his shades.*

Nikki: A standard assassination, then?

TLTETWNTH: Nothing standard about it, Nikki. This man was my friend...a long time ago.

*He pulls out the top-secret document on Gebohq.*

Nikki: So you are...opposed to his imminent demise?

*TLTETWNTH stares at Gebohq's picture for a long time, waiting for some emotion to surface; remorse, nostalgia, happiness, even envy. But nothing surfaces. His psychological training has been too effective.*

TLTETWNTH: It means nothing to me.

*He pulls out a sniper rifle from under his seat, loading it efficiently.*

Nikki: And what of these two friends you picked up?

TLTETWNTH: (Laughing) They fell for the standard emotionally-sensitive ruse. "I'm no good with women; I'm just an old-fashioned superhero!"

Nikki: You really couldn't be further from the truth, could you?

TLTETWNTH: Exactly. Not so much old-fashioned hero, than new-age villain...

Nikki: Will you kill them, too?

*TLTETWNTH thinks about it.*

TLTETWNTH: I'll come back for them.

*This isn't really an answer, but Nikki nods and speeds off down the road...*

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited July 15, 2001).]

Michael the writer: Okay, we're here.

Losien the writer: I don't see anything. Just a burnt-out building.

Michael: Um, yeah. TLTE was inside a burnt-out building.

Losien: Oh, that's right. We'd been walking so long I'd forgotten where we were going.

(Inside the building)

Michael: Not bad.

(Losien looks at him quizzically)

Michael: (TPB reference) I'm not saying I'd like to make it my summer home, but the decor is actually quite lovely.

(Walks to filing cabinet. Opens G and leafs through files.)

Michael: (muttering) Garnet, Gary, Garrett, Geoffries... there's no Gebohq!

Losien: You sure? Look a little farther.

Michael: Alright, Ghent, Giggs, Gregersen... nope. TLTE must have taken it.

Losien: Well...

Michael: (stands bolt upright) Something's not right.

Losien: What?

Michael: I don't know what it is, but I need you to take me to Gebohq right now.

LosienTW: Well, you see...I'm not really entirely sure where Geb is right.

MichaelTW: That's just great. What are we going to do?

LosienTW: We can go get something to eat..

(Looks over at Michael for approval of her suggestion)

MichaelTW: Is that all you ever think of?

LosienTW: Not all the time...but a lot of it.

MichaelTW: Don't you understand...that TLTE is going to do something...and it involves Geb. His life could be in danger right now.

LosienTW: You mean...you think he wants to kill my brother?

MichaelTW: That's what I've been saying all along. Why else would he take Geb's file...unless he was trying to locate him?

LosienTW: But...we have to save him! Eh...how are we going to do that?

MichaelTW: Well, do you have any idea where he is?

LosienTW: No. (Thinks about how she'll miss Geb so much, begins crying softly. Opens her purse taking out a tissue...and noticing her walkie-talkie) I got it!

MichaelTW: Got what?

LosienTW: This walkie-talkie. Geb and I used to play around on these all the time when we were little. I carried mine everywhere. We used to play all these tricks on people and...

MichaelTW: Anyways...what good will that do us?

LosienTW: Well, maybe Geb still carries his around. You never know.

MichaelTW: Well...you can give it a try.

LosienTW: (Speaking into the walkie-talkie) SuperShoes...do you copy? This is Los...your sis. Do you copy?

(Michael and Losien wait around in silence for a few minutes)

LosienTW: Hmm...nothing.

(Losien begins getting upset again...Michael embraces her in a big hug...neither of them notice she's holding the talk button down)

MichaelTW: Shh...it's OK. We're going to find him...and he'll be OK.

LosienTW: But what if he's not?

MichaelTW: Well...we'll at least have each other.

(Michael and Losien share that "awkward moment of silence" and Losien puts down the walkie-talkie. Silence is broken right as they were going to go for the kiss)

Voice From Walkie-Talkie: Heeee---llloooo? Is anyone there?!

LosienTW: SuperShoes...is that you?

GebTW: Call me Geb...or Bro...SuperShoes is really old.

LosienTW: I'm so glad you still have this. What are you up to?

GebTW: Well, actually...I'm in the middle of fighting off the Spooky Taco writers...so...is this important?

LosienTW: Oh no, I just wanted to see how you're doing.

MichaelTW: (Grabbing the walkie-talkie) This is Michael. This is REALLY important. (Talking at the speed of light.)TLTE was in a burnt-out Massassi building. He was looking through files on you and he took one labeled "Top Secret." I don't know what he's going to do with it but he was in such a hurry to leave. We have to do something soon. I think he's on his way to find you. I don't think his intentions are very good.

GebTW: So...you're telling me...that TLTE was in a burnt-out Massassi building. He was looking through files on me and he took one labeled "Top Secret." You don't know what he's going to do with it but he was in such a hurry to leave. We have to do something soon. You think he's on his way to find me...and that you don't think his intentions are very good?

MichaelTW: That's exactly what I said. What are we going to do?

GebTW: Well...I'm not sure. Why don't you guys come out and meet up with me...we'll decide then. My batteries are dying.

(Behind GebTW, a blood red Lambourghini pulls up and stops with a loud screech.)

MichaelTW: What was that?

GebTW: (Turns around) It's some gugg (static)

MichaelTW: Geb, I'm losing you...

(Silence from the walkie-talkie)

(NSP: Geb thinks from the lack of advancement in story for the heroes, that the battle against the spooky taco should end soon. Now if only I oculd think of a good way...and woot! Props for the new guys, hehe.)

------------------
~Geb

Okay, Geb, I'll end the Battle soon, maybe tommorow. That's what I was thinking too.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(Great minds think alike. :-))

Al and Zelma(from THE OLD PEOPLE STRIKE BACK) trudge in and complain that their families never call them anymore, have accidents and leave.

------------------
The Soft Parade has now begun
Listen to the engines hum
People out to have some fun
A cobra on my left
Leopard on my right

(My God, this whole writer/hero thing is complex. Are the two meant to be in parallel the whole time? I.E. The hero is doing battle, therefore so is the writer.

I'm going to assume that the last post, in which Gebohq was captured, was OK with Geb. Of course, there's a good chance it isn't, so just ignore this post if it's a problem.)

*GebohqTW, still quite stunned, is dragged kicking and trying to scream through his duct-tape gag to a darkened corner of the battlefield, as the Spooky Taco and NeS writers continue to do battle.*

TLTETWNTH: Greetings, Gebohq. Remember your old Rusky comrade?

*GebohqTW's eyes widen.*

GebohqTW: Mmf? (You?)

TLTETWNTH: Da, old friend. Sorry things had to come to this...oh, wait! No I'm not!

*He throws his head back and laughs maniacally and completely unnecessarily.*

GebohqTW: Mff rummi MM m fubbn mub! (You really ARE a villain now!)

TLTETWNTH: But of course. I'm the prototype of a new Soviet psychological conditioning program...the "Sociopaths of Tomorrow" centre. Guaranteed to turn even the sweetest cherub (like I was) into your worst nightmare...

GebohqTW: Mmi mmr mmf fibbneppn mff? (Why are you kidnapping me?)

TLTETWNTH: Oh, silly, silly Gebohq! I'm not here to kidnap you!

*He pulls out a revolver.*

TLTETWNTH: I'm here to kill you.

*Gebohq tries, unsuccessfully, to gasp through the gag.*

GebohqTW: Mmt mmi? (But why?)

TLTETWNTH: The friend you knew, Gebohq, is dead. Soviet conditioning killed him. I am the new TLTE, and I'm here to stay. But...enough chitter-chatter.

*TLTETWNTH opens the revolver, revealing six empty chambers. He slides in one round, and grins.*

TLTETWNTH: I'm sure you're familiar with this game from my country...

*Suddenly, he slaps the revolver, spinning it around rapidly. With a quick jerk of his wrist, he snaps the revolver back in and points it at GebohqTW's head.*

TLTETWNTH: Spasibo.

*He pulls the trigger.*

!CLICK!

*Slightly disappointed, TLTETWNTH forces a smile.*

TLTETWNTH: You're still as lucky as I remember you...but don't worry, I have a feeling it will run out soon-

*Suddenly, the Lambourghini speeds up next to Gebohq and TLTE. Nikki beckons to get in.*

Nikki: New orders. We have the target, let's go!

*TLTETWNTH stares at her, then leers at GebohqTW.*

TLTETWNTH: We'll finish later, da?

*He throws the tied-up Gebohq into the car, then leaps in himself. Seconds later, they are speeding off toward the Russian staging base of operations...*

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited July 16, 2001).]

(NSP: Well, what to do? Geb's been kidnapped, Michael and Losien have no idea where he was or what happened. Ah, no worries. It's impossible to ruin the Neverending Story.)

NSP: Can you not Write about the Spooky Taco battle or the Writers in the Spooky Taco office. Thanks. I'm working on that right now.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

Shoot. I spent almost an hour typing up a reply, but then forgot to save it. I'll do the finale tommorow. Just work on other parts for now.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*The Prison. Otter the Writer (hey, that rhymes!) Sits on the bed patiently, waiting for his dear friends who would never forget about him to come bail him out. Meanwhile, Butch and Mr. T have found some chalk and are playing hopscotch.*

Butch:"Hop...hop...hop...ha! I win!"

Mr. T:"You stepped onna line, foo'!"

Butch:"I didn' step on no line! I won fair an' square!"

Mr. T:"I saw you step onna line, foo'! You gonna be questionin' me?"

*Butch flips out a switchblade*

Butch:"I didn' step on no line, y'hear me?!"

Otter the Writer:"Quiet! Someone's coming!"

*Butch and Mr. T quickly erase the chalk on the floor, as the sound of shoes comes closer. Masseto the Writer, Randy the Writer, and Cooked Haggis the Writer appear outside of the bars, as a guard opens the cell door.*

Otter the Writer:"Masseto, Randy, you've come to free me!"

*The guard shoves Randy, Masseto, and Cooked the Writers into the cell and slams shut the door.*

Otter the Writer:"Dagnabit!"

Randy the Writer:"I get top bunk!"

*Randy jumps to get into the top bunk, and runs into Butch's stomach.*

Butch:"Top bunk is mine!"

Mr. T:"Hey, foo'! I won the hopscotch game! I get top bunk!"

*Butch flips out his switchblade*

Butch:"I didn' step on no line, y'hear me?!"

*As Butch and Mr. T go over the finer points of hopscotch, Otter the Writer speaks to his fellow writers*

Otter the Writer:"What're you guys in for?"

Masseto the Writer:"Uh, well, we were buying donuts in order to help get you out of jail..."

Randy the Writer:"I wanted assorted, but nooooooooo..."

Masseto the Writer:"Anyway, we were looking through the donuts..."

Cooked the Writer:"I still say we should have went with chocolate."

Masseto the Writer:"And then these cops came and arrested us."

Otter the Writer:"Just like that? For no reason?"

Masseto the Writer:"Uh...."

*An awkward silence reigns for a short eternity*

Randy the Writer:"Well there were no bathrooms nearby and I really had to go! What was I supposed to do?!"

How will our intrepid writers escape this fiasco? Will it be through ingenuity, cunning, and daring? Or plain old stupid luck? Will our Heroes in the Heroes' World/Realm/Place ever defeat the Spooky Taco? Or will they be doomed to wait, forever battling that evil denzien of Hell, whilst the high and mighty Janitor Bob laughs and taunts the world with the false promise of a satisfying conclusion of the Spooky Taco/Video Game story arc? My, but that was a long sentence! Tune in next time, and don't forget to give all your money to the Church of NES!

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

*In the Heroes realm, the battle with the Spooky Taco continues to drag on... and on... and on...*

*TLTETH (The last true evil the hero, as opposed to The last true evil the writer, and The Last True Evil Not the Writer) had gotten so bored that he, thirsting for some PvP action, had attacked Geb. Geb now lays in a catatonic state behind the bleachers. Attempting to revenge Geb, Mike and Losien chase after TLTETH with conc rifles.*

*Randomly, for now reason at all except for plot convenience, the heroes had found themselves un-yodified*

*Dart Wader gave a lisp of disgust at all this nonsense. Antestarr was so engulfed in levetating the Spooky Taco, that he didn't notice Dart Wader sneaking... er... clumping, up behind him. Dart Wader ignited his speech-impidement Saber with a hithhh. He clumsily swung it through the air and into Ante. Ante's arm 3DO "humorously" flies off, and he respawns at the other end of the arena. The Spooky Taco was now free to continue to release it's unholy power upon the horror stricken citizens of the Interactive Story Board.*
------------------

*In the Spooky Taco writer's office the battle drags on also. Lordvader grabs Ante, who drops Overglow. He then casually tossed Ante across the room, who spun to a halt on a smooth coffee table.*

Janitor Bob the writer: Hey... wait a minute. I just realized something. With Geb gone, this is Three against Four! That's not fair.

Wuss (pointing at Rabid): Yeah, but one of us is just a platypus.

Janitor Bob the Writer: Well, true, but-

Overglow: Kant staup mee STOOPIDHEDS!

lordvader: Enough of this pointless banter. Enough of this playing around. It's time that we settle this.

*The heroes nod. Janitor Bob runs up to Fight Wuss. Ante is left to deal with lordvader and Overglow. Rabid Platypus leaps visciously at Krig's jugular. Krig catches the platypus right before it can latch on to Krig's neck*

No Australian animals were harmed in the making of this story. Well, at least not any cute ones

Janitor Bob the Writer (throwing an uppercut at Wuss, but missing): You shoulda stuck to Toaster threads!

Wuss (taunting): Yeah. Well, they don't call me WUSS for nothing.
-----------------------

*In the Massassi NES writer's office, Sem, pausing in his ark building (?!?), finds Hacker-Booter, hacks through the firewall, initiates the download, waits several minutes, Un-zips the file, and hits the Install button*

Installation Wizard: A copy of this program was already found on your system. Proceed?

*Cursing, Sem exits the wizard and opens the already installed Hacker-Booter. He searches for the Good Guys Versus the Spooky Taco game.*
---------------

*In the CyberArena (tm), Ante sneaks, crawling through the shallow water-flagged mud, sneaks up to the Spooky Taco.*

*He searches his inventory for something that might help him*

Ante: Hmm... wax lips... american flag... prosthetic head... Singularity Gun... rubber-chicken-with-a-pulley-in-the-middle... SINGULARITY GUN!*

*Ante pulls out his Singularity Gun, which is easily the size of a Battleship Gun. Looking at all the pretty flashing lights, he notices one says: Charging Complete*

*Letting out an audible: Wahoo!, Ante readies the gun*

----------
*Ante the Writer, running up from behind, pushes lordvader. lordvader trips and falls over Overglow, knocking them both down. Ante walks up to them and takes out a long coil of rope.*

Ante: I'm afraid, I'm going to have to restrain you too. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourselves.

---------------

Ante (to the Spooky Taco): It's time... *Ante disables the safety*... you met... *Ante raises the gun, and the crosshairs are filled with the looming bulk of the Taco*... your destiny. *Ante slowly... dileberately... mercilessly... pulls the trigger*

*Immediatelly, a quantum signal is sent down the Spiral loops of the Madula Oblongater, activating the Flux Degenerating mechanism, powering the Random Sci-Fi Word and Technological name generator, which in turn closed the Heat Clamtromantric Combustion Valve, which produced a final and audible: Click*

*Ante looks at the gun more closely and notices that the Energy Capsule is missing*

Ante: Aw, Crud.

*The click from the gun alerts the Spooky Taco, who turns and stares at Ante.*

Ante: Aw, Crud.

-------------

*Ante seperates the coil of rope, and the coil of rope separates. Into numerous small little pieces. On closer examination the rope says: Majic Rope™. For the aspiring Magician.*

Ante: Aw, crud.

*Overglow, gets up and looks at Ante with wild eyes. He reaches into his pocket, and then slowly pulls out a shiny, chrome, Magnum*

Overglow: Mabee I shud blo yor brians owt uv teh hed! LOLOL.

Ante: Aw, crud.
-----------

*Janitor Bob, trips over a patch of level ground in the Cyber Arena™*

*Groaning and rolling, over, he notices a Cylinder full of swirling mystical energies. While on first inspection, the Cylinder just looks like a canister of Hyperactive Windex. Bob looks at it closer. It says: Pure Energy™. Surgeon Generals Warning: Do not Ingest*

*Bob eyes the Spooky Taco, and starts calculating his Quadratics.*
------------------

*Across the room, Janitor Bob misses a large swing at Wuss, and runs into the Bookshelf. After the bookshelf wobbles, a large thick, Family-Bible sized, book lands in Bob's arm. It's titled: Warner's Grammer. 4th edition*
------------------

*Janitor Bob lobs the Energy Canister through the air.*
-----------------

*Sem selects the Spooky Taco in Hacker Booter and pushes: Kick*
-------------------

*Bob the Writer flings the Book at Overglow as hard as he can*
-------------------

*The energy Canister hits the Taco and explodes. A large Blue Orb o' Energy™ slowly expands out from the Taco, hydrogen bomb style. Our heroes only escape the blast by diving into nearby plot holes.*
------------------

*A message comes up on Hacker Booter which says: Spooky Taco, succsessfully kicked*
------------------

*The Book hits Overglow with tremendous speed. Overglow's gun flies through the air, and lands in Ante's pocket. Overglow himself falls to the ground with a satisfying 'thud'.
A large lump the size of baseball throbs on his head*

Janitor Bob: Well, THAT succsessfully punctuated his participle!

Ante: Well done. Krig, you call the HEMP squad. We have our culprit.
--------------------

*Our heroes step out of the plot holes and watch as the fragments of Lettuce and Taco shell rain down upon the arena. A particularly large tomato chunk lands on Dart Wader, pinning him. Bob sighs.

Janitor Bob: It's times like this... that really show what TRUE happiness is.

*Now what?*


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited July 18, 2001).]

STW, stares at his computer screen, mesmerized. A mystical swirl holds center screen.

STW: ooooo aaaaa ooooo aaaaa

Suddenly the screen speaks: "Semi!"

STW: "Here I am!"

Screen: "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is hallowed ground!"

STW: "But... I'm wearing sneakers!"

Screen: "Do not question the power of the NES!!!"

STW: "eep! okies"

NES: "I am the thread of your characters: Geb, Semi and Krig."

STW: "What about Maybe and Ares and Otter?"

NES: "What IS it with you? Have you built the arc yet? No? Then SHADDAP!!! Now where was I? Oh yes, in order to get the posts to fill the arc, you must lead them out of bondage on the message board, and away from the one-post thread enders who are oppressing them. Come, I will send you to The Spooky Taco, to lead the posts out of Massassi!"

STW: "This sounds hard..."

Suddenly the message board is pinged twice.

STW: "Right right, buildin the arc, freein the threads, piece of cake, right right!"

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

BobTW: Hey, why is Sem staring at his computer screen like that?

MaybeTW: He's been staring like that for the past hour now.

AnteTW: And there isn't a single nude picture of Laetitia Casta on there. Wierd...

------------------
~Geb

(Did someone mention toaster threads??? Oh look, it's Wuss! He may remember me by my toaster alias, Absolver...*much cackling*)

*TLTETH, LosienTH and MichaelTH leap back and forth among the bleachers, firing relentlesly at each other. Losien and Michael blast again and again with their concussion rifles, while TLTE flips backward and forward, spinning and returning fire with his dual silenced 9mm's. As they fight, one can barely hear Gebohq gurgling behind them, lying in a comatose state.*

Geb: Urrgghhlll....(drools a bit and falls unconscious)

*Suddenly, TLTETH fires rapidly and scores a hit on LosienTH's shoulder. She shrieks and tumbles to the ground.*

MichaelTH: NOOOO!!!

*He leaps up into the air and lands three flying bicycle-kicks to TLTETH's head, Matrix-style. TLTE staggers, then kicks Michael twice, one sending him flying vertically up, the other launching him into the bleachers thirty feet away.*

TLTETH: Ignorant husky dog! Did you seriously believe that a mere man like yourself could defeat the pride and joy of Mother Russia?

*He rushes over to Michael, who, supporting himself on one hand, delivers two brutal kicks to TLTE's chest. TLTE falls backwards, over the bleachers, into the main arena.*

Michael: Well...yes.

*He somersaults over the bleachers, standing over TLTE's broken, still form.*

Michael: We could have been friends...

*Suddenly, TLTETH leaps up and grabs Michael's throat. Michael's eyes bulge, and he punches at TLTE, but his grip is like steel, and he will not release him.*

TLTETH: Far too late for that...

!MEANWHILE!

*LosienTH regains consciousness, and gazes out at the stadium. She panics immediately-Michael has turned a dull shade of blue, and is dangerously close to asphyxiation.*

LosienTH: Too weak to....save him...need a...weapon...

*Her eyes suddenly fall on Gebohq. He still hasn't recovered from TLTE's surprise attack. LosienTH rustles around in the bottomless pockets of Geb and pulls out a .50 caliber sniper rifle.*

LosienTH: Now I'll fix you...you sneaky Russian!

!BACK IN THE ARENA!

*TLTETH is laughing maniacally, as the last of MichaelTH's strength leaves him, when he is hit in the back of the head with a .50 caliber sniper rifle. TLTE doesn't completely release his grip, but it is loosened enough for Michael to breathe in, regain some strength, and knee him in the groin.*

TLTE: ...

*He staggers forward, past MichaelTH. Losien leaps down, tentatively testing out her wounded shoulder.*

MichaelTH: You saved my life!

*He gives her a huge hug. Losien squeals in pain.*

Michael: Oh, right. The shoulder. (sheepishly) Sorry.

TLTETH: Yo! Lovebirdies!

*They both turn, synchronising their glares at TLTE, who strikes a kung-fu pose.*

TLTETH: What is the Americanism? Uh..Oh yeah; "Let's boogie".

*They leap at each other...*

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited July 19, 2001).]

*The Last True Evil the Writer rushes through the Silicon Valley airport, past Zelma and Ed, past the Jerky Vending Machine, and to the Ticket Office, important Documents in hand*

*While other countries were working on maintaining their Economy and their Quality of life, Russia had been working on controversial secret scientific experiments. Besides the obligatory experiments involving Dinosaur DNA and the experiments dealing with cryogenically frozen alien embryos, they had also experimented in the field of cloning. After cloning multiple sheep, the Russians, unfettered by “silly predispositions of ‘morality’” had decided to clone humans. They had successfully cloned several Homo Sapiens, before they had to shut the operations down due to FDA regulations. Each time the Russians cloned, they subtly changing the personality of the subjects, thus creating iterations including, The Last True Evil the Writer, The Last True Evil Not the Writer, The Last True Evil the Hero, the Last True Evil the Life Insurance Salesman, The Last True Evil the Ketchup Packet Distribution Technician, etc. Yes, LT evil was a clone. The Russians had found that clones were great in Espionage because in that field, the only person that you could trust was- yourself. At this moment both LT Evil the Writer and LT Evil not the Writer were both Russians spies.*

*And right now LT Evil the Writer had in his possession Gebohq’s secret files, The Microsoft Secret Plans o’ World Domination (which he had picked out of Losien’s pocket right before he got slapped), and the Secret Toyota repair manual to boot. For many years the Russians had been far behind the American’s in the Interactive Story Department. Ever since The Kasparov Toasters, the Russian Interactive Story Industry had been on the downslide. But with Gebohq’s secret files, the Soviets could figure out the key to a the Successful Interactive Story thread, and once again have Interactive Story boards that were feared and admired by enemy and ally alike.*

*TLTETW had been commanded by his leader, Audrey Iosoffechekov’Golvokovichesegeyakatovo Popov (or simply, ‘Ivan’) to return to Russia with these documents. TLTENTW would take care of disposing with the witnesses. As he was about to do with Gebohq*

*At the front desk LT evil checks out tickets 7 different flights on 7 different airlines with 7 different aliases (LT evil, LT evil the Writer, The Last True Evil , The Last True Evil the Writer, TLTE, TLTETW, and The Last True Evil Was Here) He checks out one ticket for Communist Soviet Russian Secret Intelligence Airlines under the name of ‘Ms. Fire’.*

*A bored front desk employee, with a Nametag that says: Martha, scans the tickets that TLTETW had purchased.*

Martha: I’m very sorry, Ms. Fire, but the incoming flight from Communist Soviet Russian Secret Intelligence Airlines, has been delayed due to a 17% chance of light afternoon showers at O’hare.

TLTETW (cursing): Aw, Rodina!

Martha: I’m sorry, ma’am.

TLTETW (out of character): Oh, well, I’m sure they’re just stallin’. Heh. Get it. Russian Airline. Stallin’. Stalin. HA HA HA!! Whew, I just crack myself up.

Martha: Yes, ma’am. Now if you’ll just sit in that seat far away from me, and wait for your airline please.

*Will, TLTETW escape with the important documents? Or will the inconveniences of Modern Air Travel save the day? Is everybody confused about which TLTE is which? The answer lies somewhere in this familiar place in the future…*


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(NSP: Janitor Bob..great post..:-)...and I forgot to tell you I really liked the last one too (honestly...:-)) Now...if only I could think of something. *sigh*)

(LoL that was terrific, Bob! I'd post about your character, if I had the slightest clue what the hell was going on...ah well.)

*Meanwhile, in an elitist appartment block on the Upper East Side of New York, two clean-cut, man-and-woman thirtysomething FBI agents knock politely but firmly on one of the doors. Eventually, a well-dressed man smoking a pipe answers the door.*

Man: (Thick British accent) Eh...Good evening...

Woman: (No-nonsense American accent) Are you Sir Last True Evil the Successful Billionaire, Jazz Pianist and acclaimed Author?

LTE: SLTETSBJPAAA will do.

*The man steps closer to TLTE and flashes a badge.*

Man: Sir, I'm Agent Gruff. This is my partner, agent Hazy. We're FBI. We need to ask you a few questions.

SLTETSBJPAAA: It's about my 'brothers', isn't it?

*The Agents nod sternly.*

SLTETSBJPAAA: Do come in, won't you?

*Minutes later, the three are assembled around the fireplace. SLTETSBBJPAAA is staring reflectively into the dancing flames. The two Agents, seated in plush chairs, are eyeing him intently.*

SLTETSBJPAAA: Which one of them is in trouble then?

Agent Hazy: The ones you call TLTETW, TLTENTW and TLTETH. They're caught up in a Russian plot to overthrow the Interactive Story Industry in their favour.

SLTETSBJPAAA: Oh, them...I would have thought TLTETIGT would be giving you the most trouble.

Agent Gruff: TLTETIGT?

SLTETSBJPAAA: The Last True Evil The Insane, Godless Terrorist...don't worry, he'll pop up.

Agent Hazy: Sir, with all due respect, what do you know about these LTE's?

*SLTETSBJPAAA sighs, puffs a billow of smoke into the air, discards his pipe and talks, still staring into the fireplace.*

SLTETSBJPAAA: They work for the Russian government. They've been spies since their creation. When they were making us, the Russians bought a few hundred of us for their latest 'psychological training programs'.

*He pauses.*

SLTETSBJPAAA: They were the only survivors.

Agent Hazy: My God...

Agent Gruff: SLTETSBJPAAA, how many LTE's are there?

*He shrugs.*

SLTETSBJPAAA: Thousands? Hundreds of thousands? Maybe more...does it really matter?

*The Agents gape at him.*

Agent Hazy: Where are they all?

SLTETSBJPAAA: Hidden...waiting...waiting for the Return.

Agent Gruff: Return? Of what?

SLTETSBJPAAA: Him. The One. The Original. The Last True Evil.

Agent Hazy: The man whose DNA created all of you?

SLTETSBJPAAA: Yes. It is prophesised that His Return will raise a great army of LTE's to take over the world.

Agent Gruff: You mean that...out there...a massive army of LTE's wait for their original copy to arrive, signalling their rise to rule the world?

SLTETSBJPAAA: Precisely, old boy.

Agent Hazy: Good God.

Agent Gruff: Where is he? The original, I mean...

SLTETSBJPAAA: It is prophesised that he lies, frozen, in the Himalayas, thawing for untold decades...but soon! Soon he will return, and our Rise will begin...

Agent Hazy: SLTE...when will he return?

SLTETSBJPAAA: It is prophesised that he will return....in three days.

Agent Hazy: Good God.

Agent Gruff: Put out an APB, Hazy. Arrest any LTE's on sight. We're going to the Himalayas to stop this world domination from happening.

SLTETSBJPAAA: What about me, old boy?

Agent Hazy: SLTETSBJPAAA, you are under arrest.

SLTETSBJPAAA: For what?

Agent Hazy: For being a Last True Evil.

*She drags him off.*

SLTETSBJPAAA: STOP! YOU CAN'T WIN! IN THREE DAYS, THIS WILL ALL BE CHANGED! YOU WILL ALL BE OUR SLAVES! WAHHH HA HA HA HA HA *cough cough* HAAAAA!

Agent Gruff: We might already be too late to stop them...

Agent Hazy: (Outside) Good God.

*Groggily, Geb opens his eyes. He finds himself in a dank, dusty, stuffy room, with a lit lightbulb hanging down on a bare copper wire. The Last True Evil Not the Writer, paces, sharpening a gleaming knife. A crude cigar clamped between his teeth emits a kind of green smog previously only associated with San Fransico. Geb the Writer lies on a hard table, with chemical lasers wedged between his legs, his finger, his toes, and his ears. One move and the lasers might cause severe pain and emotional anguish*

LT evil Not the Writer: Don't try anything sudden.

Geb the Writer: I wouldn't worry about that.

LT evil Not the Writer: Heh. Da.

Geb the Writer: It was alot funnier when something like this happened to one of the characters I have written about.

LT evil Not the Writer: It always is. It always is.

Geb the Writer: You know... these lasers are not good for the wood finish on this table.

LT evil Not the Writer: Wood finish does not concern me, Comrade Geb.

Geb the Writer: Do you expect me to die?

LT evil Not the Writer(laughing): No, Mr. Geb. I expect you to escape in a violent implausible action sequence!

Geb the Writer: Well, I could use a little help then.

LT evil Not the Writer: No, comrade. I have learned not to place to much on my expectations.

Geb the Writer: But... you are going to try to kill me, huh?

LT evil Not the Writer: Da. Of course.

Geb the Writer: How?

LT evil Not the Writer: Something appropriatelly slow and painful.

LT evil Not the Writer(eyeing the cigar): Second hand smoke inhalation?

LT evil Not the Writer: Close. You are are a writer, are you not?

Geb the Writer: Uh... no?

LT evil Not the Writer: Well, not for very long. Since you are a writer, I thought that your death should be something appropriate, Da?

Geb the Writer: Nyet!

LT evil Not the Writer: So I decided I would give you... *TLTETW holds up a printed up edition of the Never Ending Story Thread.* Death... by... paper cuts!

Geb the Writer: I knew I should have taken that job as a Teen Pop music Star instead...
-----------------

*Meanwhile, Mike and Losien the Writers are panicking.*

Losien the Writer: I can't believe this... he betrayed us! Who could have ever expected...

Mike the Writer: Maybe the fact that he was called 'The Last True Evil' should have tipped us off to his unloyal nature.

Losien the Writer: Good point.

Mike the Writer: We've got to stop the Last True Evil the Writer from delivering the documents to Russia!

Losien the Writer: Huh... where'd you hear about this?

*Mike the Writer holds up a small thin pamphlet with diagonal black and yellow lines*

Mike the Writer: The NES Cliff Notes!

Losien the Writer: Does this 'cliff notes'... tell how TLTETW is going to get to Russia?

Mike the Writer: Nope, these are the abriged cliff notes.

Losien: Ah... well... he's probably most likely at the Silicon Valley Airport-

*Mike, laughing, shakes his head condenscendingly.*

Mike the Writer: Losien... Losien... Losien... That's just what he WANT'S you to think. This guy is a professional. He isn't going to do something as predictable as going to the airport. He's most likely at the Silicon Valley Shipping Port, stowing away on some barge, getting ready to sail over to Russia.

Losien: Uh... isn't Silicon Valley inland?

Mike the Writer: That's not important!

*Mike hails a Taxi and he and Losien both get in the back seat. Mike, taking the male dominative role, gives the driver money and tells him to go to the Silicon Valley Shipping Port, and step on it.*
----------------

*Maybe the Writer, types up a very long, profound, gripping, and side-splittingly hilarious post, that she had been working on for several consecutive days. Just as she is about to hit the 'Submit Reply' button, the computer blinks off.*
-----------------

*Meanwhile, the Last True Evil Not the Writer raises the Never Ending Story paper high above his head*

TLTENTW: SO LONG, COMRADE GEBOHQ!

*Suddenly, the lasers surrounding Geb the Writer, disappear. At the same time, the light shuts off, plunging the room into complete and utter blackness*

TLTENTW: Curse those Rolling Blackouts!

*Taking his chance, Geb leaps off the table and starts to sprint forward. He immeadiately runs into a metal cabinet and fall down.*

TLTENTW: I can't see a thing! Ach! I knew I should have worn my 'Glow-in-the-Dark Buzz Lightyear T-Shirt' today!

*Straining his ear for the sound of Geb, TLTENTW hears a rustling in the distance. Swinging his Klobb around, he fires in the direction of the sound*

Sound: MEOW!!

TLTENTW: Okay, that wasn't him...

*Will Losien and Mike the Writers, stop the transfer of Documents to Russia? Will Maybe the Writer retype her tragically lost post? Will Geb escape under the cover darkness? Will George Bush use the blackouts as an excuse to drill for oil in the Northern Alaskan terratories, thus destroying the habitats of millions of innocent endearing Penguins, despite the fact that Penquins live in Antarctica, not in Alaska? Find out next time, on The Never Ending Story Thread- The Directors Cut*

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*Butch, Mr T, Masseto the writer, Randy the writer and CookedHaggis the writer are still in prison thanks to a lack of interest by the writers*

Mr T: "I pity the foo' who doesn't bust me outta prison."

Otter the writer: "So the cops flung you in jail for peeing in the street? That's harsh."

Masseto the writer: "..Uh...well not exactly the street precisely...er...more sort of on the copper's leg..."

OTW: "His leg?"

MTW: "We were drunk!"

Cooked and Randy the writers: "We?"

MTW: "Well it would've been "we" if I hadn't been the only one to try the new "whiskey" doughnut..."

OTW: "Whiskey?"

RTW: "Part of their new scheme to get around alcohol licensing laws."

OTW: "Oh."

*The writers sit around looking bored*

MTW: "No digital TV? And they call this a prison, rats wouldn't live here!"

Butch: "Well y'all better ge' used to it, I don' wan' no whinin' from ye..."

OTW: "It's alright, by my calculations we'll be out of here by the end of this post."

RTW: "How do you figure that?"

OTW: "Well otherwise there'd be no point in this post- we'd just end up back where we started without advancing the plot or having an excuse for an action sequence."

RTW: "Oh."

--------------------------------------------

*In the mean time (oooh, look at that, I managed to avoid using "meanwhile"), Geb is franticly trying to recall scenes from various James Bond flicks to see what to do in this situation. Unfortunately, due to Geb's rather...selective..viewing habits, the only scenes he can remember tend to involve two people of the opposite sex...*

TLTENTW: "You won't be able to get out of here alive Mr. Geb!"

GTW: "Actually, judging by the rest of the story, I think I will...*he thinks*...that was just a ploy so that you could find out where I was hiding wasn't it?"

TLTENTW: "No, but thanks for the idea. Muahahahaha..."

GTW: "It's just that...."

TLTENTW: "Quiet, I'm in the middle of my evil laughter..."

(While we're all complimenting everybody else on how well they write, I'd just like to take the time to say that every post on this past page sucked horribly, and was the opposite of funny, except for those written by Janitor Bob, Michael MacFarlane, Gebohq, Losien, The Last True Evil, Semievil, and Cooked Haggis. Thank you.)


*Krig calmly walks through the polygonal chaos reigning in the CyberArena™, oblivious to the smashings and crashings resulting from the titanic battle between TLTETH and Michael MacLongname.*

Krig:"Krig hungry. Krig want food."

*Krig walks over to the nearest wall of the CyberArena™, and begins gnawing on a large, glowing red button set into the wall that says "QUIT GAME".*

Krig:"Grrrr..."

*TLTETH and Michael MacLongname engage in some highly choreographed Kung Fu Fighting, throwing in the odd gratuitous explosion just for fun. Losien keeps shooting at TLTETH, and hits Michael MacLongname every time.*

Losien:"Oh no! I'm sorry Michael! I was aiming at TLTETH! I didn't mean to shoot you in your pinky toe, your left ear, or your right nostril!"

Micheal MacLongname (in mid-kung fu move):"That's all right honey! Just aim better next time!"

*Krig, finding that it is impossible to gnaw on something with a polygonal mouth that does not open, switches to bashing his head against the big red button labeled "QUIT GAME". Antestarr strolls up behind him, looking on curiously.*

Ante:"Hey, you sure you should be doing that?"

Krig:"Krig... *wham* smash... *wham* smash...*wham*"

*Suddenly, as a result of Krig smashing his head on the large red button, the button slides in, and the game winks out of existance. Replacing the CyberArena™, our heroes now stand in a vast inky blackness.*

Geb:"Ah! It's dark! It's too dark! The darkness! Get it away from me! Ah!"

*Cooked Haggis lifts the virtual reality helmet off of Geb's head, allowing him to see.*

Geb:"Ah. Yes. I knew that. I was just testing you! Ha! And you failed! Ha!"

Cooked Haggis (in snooty Waiter voice):"I see..."

What will happen now that our heroes are no longer in the virtual reality thingy they were in for so long? Will they continue with their lives as usual? Of course they will, although "their lives as usual" usually means lots of explosions and expensive things being broken. Tune in somtime in the future for updates!

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Read the Bible, it'll scare the hell out of you.

TLTETH, MichaelTH and LosienTH stand in total darkness, within the destroyed VR game.*

MichaelTH: Well, this put a real dampener on our action-packed high-intensity battle.

LosienTH: True, true.

MichaelTH: Still, now we know he's evil, we can beat the stuffing out of him, even in inky blackness.

*The two heroes advance on TLTETH, who calmly reaches into his pocket, expecting to pull out an AK-47. Instead, he pulls out an AK-47-shaped mass of nothing.*

TLTETH: Of course...we need to program in weapons, fighting styles, etc. We're just our normal selves! Which, I suppose, is a contradiction in terms-

*MichaelTH, not listening, leaps into the air with a kung-fu scream, initiating a roundhouse flying kick to TLTETH's temple. Instead, he pulls virtually every muscle in both legs and lands on his head, somehow, knocking himself out.*

LosienTH: Michael! NO!

*She leans over him, then glares up at TLTETH, eyes blazing.*

LosienTH: YOU! You made him knock himself out! You...you did some sneaky Russian mind-trick, I don't know! You must die!

*She runs up to TLTETH and, with a skilled jerk of her wrist, punches him square on the cheek. The blow staggers TLTETH, and breaks four of LosienTH's fingers. LosienTH, a big softie at heart, copes with the immense pain in her hand for 2.8 seconds and passes out.*

TLTETH: Uhhh...

*Rubbing his cheek, TLTETH surveys his work.*

TLTETH: 2 seasoned fighters, both knocked clean out in...(checks watch) just about 30 seconds. A new personal record!

*Calmly, he reaches for where he guesses his headset to be, leaving the three dazed protagonists in his wake...*

!MEANWHILE, IN THE WRITER'S REALM!

*TLTENTW stalks up and down the corridors of the Soviet building, Klobb in hand.*

TLTENTW: (Shouting) This is stupid, Gebohq, even for you...even if you somehow make it past me and my Klobb, this is the Russian staging base! There are over 3,000 troops in this building, probably more on the way.

*Somewhere close, Gebohq's voice drifts back.*

GebohqTW: I will not fight you, TLTENTW...there's still good in you, past the Russian brainwashing....

TLTENTW: Sorry, comrade...the Last True Evil that you knew is dead. The last remnants of him lay in the Himalayas, to be unfrozen in three days to take over the world.

GebohqTW: Say what?

TLTENTW: Da, tovarish. My clone is already half the world away, delivering top-secret documents to the Russian government that will ensure their global domination. From there, a few simple strings are pulled, and the Russian government becomes the LTE government! MWAAAH HA HA HA HAHHHH...

*GebohqTW bursts out of the door next to TLTENTW, and screams melodramatically.*

GebohqTW: NEVERRRRRR!!!

*He tackles TLTENTW to the ground, and they struggle for the gun. Eventually, TLTENTW comes out on top, and points the gun at Gebohq's head.*

TLTENTW: DIE-

*Suddenly, a middle-aged woman bustles through the door Geb charged out.*

Lady: Mr. TLTENTW, sir, you have a call waiting on Line 2-

TLTENTW: (turning his head) Not now, Edna!

*GebohqTW notices the Magnum in TLTENTW's hip holster and pulls it out, cocking it and pointing it at TLTENTW.*

TLTENTW: So...a stand-off, eh? Do you feel lucky?

GebohqTW: Geez, this guy's a walking cliche...

Will TLTETH escape from the combined powers of GebohqTH, LosienTH and MichaelTH? Will the original Last True Evil return and take over the world? Will GebohqTW break through TLTENTW's psychological programming or just shoot the bastard? Will Losien and Michael get married in both realms with an extra degree of sappiness? And why do all my sentences (except for this one) start with "Will" and end in a question mark? At least 1.526 of these questions will be answered in future posts of the NeS!!!

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited July 22, 2001).]

*TLTETW, who is supposed to be halfway across the world, is only at his connecting flight in Seattle.*

*He is yelling at another Airline Employee, who coincedentally is also named Martha. (Wherever there is inconviniance, Martha will be there)*

TLTETW: What do you mean my luggage didn't make the flight?

Martha: I'm sorry, si... (looks at ticket)... er... ma'am, but these things just happen, you know. Here, to apologize for the inconviance I'll give you this claim card. With this card you can get a free bag of peanuts on your next flight. There. Doesn't that make you feel better.

TLTETW: I don't have time for this. I have things to do... places to go... world domination to achieve...

Martha: Well, ma'am, as you know, one of the virtues of any good espionage agent is: patience. If you can't learn that, than all the power in the world doesn't really benifit you...

*TLTETW fingers his Klobb in his pocket, and tries his best to keep his self control*
------------------------

*Meanwhile, at the Silicon Valley Shipping Port, Mike the Writer hunts around for any signs that TLTETW had been there.*

Mike the Writer: Wow. This guy is good. He sure knows how to cover his trail. I can't find anything that even hints that he was here.

Losien the Writer: Well... could that possibly mean that he wasn't here?

Mike the Writer: Quiet! I'm trying to look.
-------------------------

*The trial of Overglow was commenced immeadiatelly. Prominent members of the Massassi Community were selected as jurors. With Judge Dredd presiding, the both sides made their case. Hired for the defense was lawyer, Perry Mason. Fortunately the prosecution countered by hiring as their prosecuting attorney, John Grisham. For a while the defense looked like they were going to win. But they made the fatal mistake of bringing in Ted Kazenzki, Timothy Micveigh, O.J. Simpson and Rabid Platypus as character witness. The Verdict? Overglow was charged with multiple counts of Malicious Hacking, Illegal Possession of an Unregistered Weapon, Gross Grammatical Misusage, and Just Plain Being Annoying. His punishment was being sent to Mrs. Riggs Grammatical Academy to 'diagram' sentences for 30 years. And thanks to the nifty NES time relativity theorem all this only took a portion of a post.*
-----------------

Otter the writer: Well, now that my name has been cleared, can we get out of this place?

*A few hours later*

Otter the Writer: Hmmm... guess not. Stupid Bueracrats.

Randy the Writer: Well, maybe we could get Ares to pay bail...

Masseto the Writer: Well, that would be a good idea, except Ares isn't available, as he is out searching for the guy who dented his car.

Otter the Writer: *sigh* Well, that leaves us no choice. We'll have to escape in a highly dramatic fashion. Okay, does anybody have any items for escape. Sheets? Tools? Explosives.

Cooked Haggis: Well, now that you mention it, I do have a shovel-like apparatus...

Randy the Writer: Really?

*Cooked Haggis reaches into his tux pocket and pulls out an ornamental teaspoon aquired from his resteraunt*

*Otter hands the spoon to Mr. T.*

Otter the Writer: Okay. Get digging.


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

(So I have a hero self now? Sweeeet. )

Michael the Writer: (head snaps up) I've got it!

Losien the Writer: What?

Michael: He didn't come to the Silicon Valley Shipping Port at all!

Losien: (sarcastically) Really?

Michael: Of course not! Why would he have come to the shipping port when Silicon Valley is inland?

Losien: Gee, why didn't I think of that?

Michael: Don't worry about it. We can't all be geniuses.

Losien: That's the truth...

Michael: Come on! We've got to go to the Silicon Valley Airport and catch a flight to Seattle!

Losien: Why? Do you think that's where TLTE went?

Michael: No, but it is the pesto of cities.

Losien: What?

Michael: Never mind. Let's go!

Will Michael's hunch pay off? Will the other writers of the NES find it so madly improbable that they have no choice but to delete his post? I don't know, I haven't read that far yet, moron!

[This message has been edited by Michael MacFarlane (edited July 22, 2001).]