*In the dark recesses far far away from our heroes...*

Morris the cat: Yes, dem foos think they can just forget about me. They'll see otherwise...

*A loud thud can be heard*

Morris: Ow! Whoever said that cats can see in the dark wasn't a cat, that's for sure. Now to stop at the nearest meat-packeging plant to get a snack before visiting Geb and his friends.

*Meanwhile (NeS usage count: 697, give or take a few hundred. 65% of statistics are made up on the spot anyways...), inside a bar in a parallel universe...*

Ares' clone: *finishing his drink* Why doesn't anybody believe that I invented the Internet? The Lord will strike you down fer such lack of faith...

Benard the pigeon: *mechanical chirp*

Are's clone: You're right, my fine feathered friend. We shouldn't be on the sidelines like this, let's get back in the action--hey, what the hell?--I mean *in very monotone voice* what the hell?

[begin "The Sixth Day" rip-off]

*Ares' clone turns his attention to teh TV that's in the bar, tuned into the PPV's ongoing special coverage of Gebohq and the other fighters. He notices Burby and two Nazi's on the screen, with...himself on the screen? It had to be the original Ares, but then he noticed the Bible in the hand...*

(on TV)

Burby: Just tell me where I can find the Lost Ark of the covenant Ares!

Ares: (in monotone voice, reading from a Bible) Those that are enemies of teh Lord shall fear his wrath. Repent now, adn thou shall be saved...

(back at the bar)

Ares' clone: There's another me! But I'm the real Ares!..er..the real clone I mean..man, this is too confusing. Well, whoever did this is going to pay. They messed with the wrong clone.

[/end "The Sixth Day" rip-off]

*Off in a lab someplace, the real Ares stands in fustration.*

Ares: (speaking to a scientist) Idiot! You messed the cloning again!

Scientist: But sir, when you said you wanted another, we assumed that you couldn't have meant your car--

Ares: Why not?!!

Scientist: Because it's not alive and--

Ares: Don't say that ever again! (walks up to his beloved Mercades and pets its hood) Don't listen to the mean aweful man, you'll always be my one true love...

*Meanwhile, back with the fighters (random audience menber: finally!) Randy and the others stare into the darkness ahead of them.*

Randy: Uh...well lead us on Geb!
Geb: I'm not stupid! There'll be some monster waiting to eat me whole. Send Krig in!
Krig: Krig afraid of the dark.
Maybe: Oh honestly! Afraid of what lies ahead...you're all such big babies...

*Maybechild walks into the dark tunnel, with the others simply watching in anticipation*

Otter: Think anything will happen?
Ante: Well, I would think if anything good is ahead, it'll be guarded by something bad--

*Just then, Maybechild runs screaming and arms flailing*

Maybe: AHHHHH!!!! It's David Bowie and a sex-crazed fat teenage-boy!

Will our heroes be able to defeat this new threat and move on to see what's ahead? Will Are's clone go take his rightful place and replace the clone with himself with Benard? What does Moris have planned for the fighters? I don't know about you, but I'm about to pee my pants if I don't find out in the next episode of.. THE NEVERENDING STORY!

NSP: Aaand I'm spent. For now at least. Now it's someone elses turn! Tag, you're it!

NSP: Stupid evil double posts, wish they'd all go to hell and die, slow and painfully, and catch a rare strain of the ebola virus...

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 21, 2000).]

*The reader notices a sign hung on the door to the Neverending Story Thread office. It read:*

"Out for boozin', snoozin' and scorin'. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all that good stuff--hey babe, I'm comin' already, let me just finish this sign.

-Geb"

Sem pokes his head out through the TV screen, which the foolish writers left on, and looks around. Realizing the coast is clear, he hops out, and looks around. Inside 5 minutes he's stolen all the cokes from the fridge, and has located the spare remote and extra batteries in a duct-tapped file cabinet in his writer's office. He flipps through the channels trying to find a safe show for his friends to rest on, and comes across a documentary on housecats. Taking his cue from the TV, he begins to bat the remote around like a cat toy on the floor and winds up smashing it into bits against a wall.
Krig: REAAAAREHHHR!!!!
Maybe: me-choo!(goes into a sneezing fit)
Geb: (a pitiously wailed "meow") row!
Sem, not even looking up, is still playing with the batteries on the floor.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Geb: *meows in a wailing voice* translated: Maaaaaaan, being a cat is so boring! Not to mention coughing up hairballs is a pain.

Maybe: Uh...I think we'll have bigger problems than that Geb.

Otter: What? We'll run out of milk?

Maybe: No. Him.

*Camera spins to show the all-encompassing Morris.*

Otter: Oh.

*Morris waddles over to Sem, who is still batting with the remote control. As Sem sees Morris approach, Sem hisses, pulling his ears back. Morris simply uses his immense weight to push Sem out of the way, then grabs the remote like some fat Muppet.*

Morris: YES! I have the all-mighty remote!

Sem: But there's no batteries in it! Take that!

*Morris vomits up some batteries, and puts them in the remote*

Sem: Damn.

Morris: Now watch this!

*Morris presses the button.*

Oh dear, it's Morris, the lub-of-lard-for-a-cat! What has he done to our fateful heroes with the remote? Why are the posts so badly written? Why did the writer ever come back from snoozing and scoring? Find out in the next post! What do you mean "What if we don't?" Do you question my authority? I, the narrator? How dare you! Go back to the sludge hole from whence you came! Go on! You're presence here disgusts me...don't cry now. I hate it when people cry...jsut read teh next post and feel better.

*There is a flash of static, and suddenly the world is replaced by a series of wide, vertical, multicoloured stripes.*

Geb:"What the..."

*Suddenly, a peircing shreik fills the air! The overwhelming test beep shatters all glass for miles around, grating on the minds of our heroes like the sound of a dentist's drill! Our heroes clasp their ears in agony, collapsing to the ground, writhing in pain!*

Everybody:"Aaaaaaaiiiiiieeeeee!!!"

*Suddenly, the remote, clutched in Morris's flubbery paw, shatters into a million sparkling pieces! The batteries fly away, only to be destroyed by the incredibly high pitched sonic shrieking!*

Lt. Randy(eyes bulging out in pain):"Oh, no! We'll be trapped in this infernal place forever!!"

Geb(clutching bleeding ears):"Did anyone hear what he just said?"

Otter:"No, I don't want to dance!"

Sem:"What are you talking about? My pants are just fine!"

Maybe:"A lime? No thanks, I'm not hungry right now!"

Krig:"Cow? Krig no see cow!"

Will our indubitable heroes survive this ordeal with intact eardrums? Will they survive at all? Will other writers wake up and realize this story still exists? And whatever happened to the Enchilada Man, anyhow? These questions and more not answered in the next post!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

(NSP: Hehe, gotta love the emergency broadcasting. Think if there actually was one they'd use it? I don't think so...depends on what they constitute as an emergency I suppose...)

NSP: And is it jsut me, or has the Interactive Story Board become jsut a tad more popular?...ok, so this is just a sad excuse to keep NeS up while I round up the local writers to jump back in (such as Sem, Maybe, Otter and Ante).

[subliminal message]Turn the TV/NeS plot to the Spice channel[/subliminal message]

Who said that? Bad writer! Bad, evil, naughty writer! No cookies for you... (yes, it's 1 in the morning. I'm afraid of me too)

-Geb

*Suddenly, the emergency broadcast system blips out of existance, replaced by the soothing music of an early morning television program beginning.*

Krig:"Ahhh, Krig like."

Otter:"What'd he say? Somebody stop those bells from ringing! I can't hear a thing!"

Ante, looking around, very pale:"Do you guys know where we are?"

Geb:"Where?"

Ante:"I think... I think we're in *voice drops to a whisper* Barney the Dinosaur land!"

Dramatic music: "Duhn Duhn DUHN!"

Oh horror of horrors! Will our heroes escape alive? Or will they be smothered and sickened by the overwhelming happiness and stupidity of the frolicking purple dinosaur? Stay Tuned!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

Maybe: Ow, my ears! My ears are bleeding--ohh....psychodelic colors....OW! They're still bleeding...

Morris: OK, enough torture for you all. Let's move on now...

*With his stubby paws, Morris flipps teh channels, and the background of the fighters changes appropriately. Morris stops with a background of a game show with Ben Stein in it--replaced of course, with Ares' fake clone, and in the booths, Losien, Antestarr, and Krig. The others, including Morris, sit in the audience, watching.

Geb: *in the audience* I'm thinking this channel is strangly fitting for some reason. And whoa! Deja-vu with being in the audience again...

*Geb reaches over for a nacho, but Morris bats his claws at Geb's reaching hand.*

What will happen next? What relevance does this gameshow has to our fighters? And will the bad writers of the world ever be punished? Find out, after these commercials!

Voice: Feeling itchy at those important times, guys?

*Random guy playing a computer game stops to itch his private parts and then throws his fist up at the screen afterwards.*

Voice: Then you need *flash of light* GOLD BOND MALE ITCHING POWDER! It's teh only thing to keep you itch-free, all day long!

*goes to blue screen, with product name, picture, and legalities.*

voice: Buy now! Call our toll-free number at 1-555-ITCH-BE-GONE. Shipping and handling not included, sorry no COD's, offer while supplies last....

NSP: more commercials in the following post perhaps, with more story afterwards?

NSP: Urgh! I jsut realized the last post said we were on the channel with barney on it! Stupid plot holes! Not to be confused with pot holes...got any ideas how to write around it? I'd preferably would like to stay with Stein. We can get back to teh scary dinosaur later if we wish. But we need a good write-around....

{NSP: Hey, Scott, I'm back! Hey everybody, didja miss me? Don't answer that...}

*movie announcer voice*
"In a world that hates and fears them. . ."
*Maybe's ears prick up*
Maybe: X-Men!!!!
Sem: Oh dear God, NO!!!

*at sight of Hugh Jackman striding purposefully through Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, Maybe takes a flying leap into the scene, leaving the rest of her stunned team and Ben Stein staring helplessly after her*

Sem: *shakes head* I'll be right back. *jumps into X-Men scene* Maybe! MC! Where'd you go? Ni!

Maybe (distantly): IT!

*Sem follows direction of voice and finds Maybe pokin' around in Cerebro's main computer*

Sem: *grabs Maybe's arm* Come on. . .

*Maybe, who's eyes are suddenly a strange shade of yellow, follows mutely back to the set of Ben Stein's Money*

Krig: *sniff* Maybe?

MaybeChild: ......

Krig (more insistently): Maybe?

[If any of you have actually seen the X-Men movie, could you post next? If not, that's cool, just continue anyway ]


------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

Suddenly, a mystical swirl attacks the TV, rendering all 3 shows in to 1

Barney, Magneto, and Cyclops are all contestants on Win Ben Stein's Money!!!!

Geb has taken the place of Jimmy Kimmel, and Otter has taken over for Ben Stein.

Geb: First category, we'll let Barney pick.
(hinges from one of the cabinets in the scenery fly out and attack Geb, leaving him in a screaming heap on the floor until he shouts): ALLRIGHT! Magneto can pick!

Magneto: I'd like St. Jhon's Jhon

Geb: How many times do the Gospels mention Jesus going to the bathroom?

Magneto: 37! er! no, wait!

Barney: Jesus doesn't go to the bathroom, he spreads the word of joy and love, like I do! Come, follow me!

A microphone suddenly flies from it's stand, like a harpoon from a cannon and buries itself in Barney's side, causing him to emit numerous un-Christ-like expletives.
Otter, as the purple blob is being dragged off stage by the mic cord: Join us, after this commercial break, when I attempt to defend my money by taking the place of our least fortunate contestant!

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

in ttyhe next round cyclops and magneto get in a fight allowing teh host to take every question

------------------
WHY?! Because Vengy said so!
icq# 70155666
[url="mailto:avenger216@massassi.com"]mailto:avenger216@massassi.com[/url]avenger216@massassi.com</A>
avenger216, massassi's favorite and only heterosexual super-genius who can knot spell or hasn't no good grammar.
no massassians were harmed in the making of this post, err well not many.
Vengys deposit of random crap

*Enter another commercial break*

*An Acrocrombie & Fitch-appearing man (complete without shirt), is seen with sunglasses on. He is seen walking onto a beach-side porch, approaching an equally attractive young woman, wearing only a bikini. She stands up, holds him close, and they look out onto the sunset. They begin to kiss passionatly when the screen turns black and a voice speaks, with numbers and words to match what he says*

Voice: Now at a new low APR. The new Honda Civic.

*end commercial*

(Sweet! I just saw X-men again today! I watched it only hours ago!)

*Just then, the rest of the X-men flicker into existance. The whole set of Win Ben Stein's Money turns a sort of flickery, staticky colour.*

Morris the Cat:"Hmm, it looks like the TV's trying to pick up two channels at once."

Wolverine:"What the... where'd that big hairy Sabretooth guy go?"

Krig:"Krig not know. Krig stuck in bad place. Place all flashy. Maybe not Maybe."

Wolverine:"Maybe not maybe? What the h*** are you talking about?"

"Krig points at Maybechild."

Krig:"*sniff sniff* Maybe smell funny."

Wolverine:"*sniff sniff* You're right, she does. In fact..."

*Wolverine snikts out his claws, and slashes at Maybe. Geb, Otter, Sem, Ante, and others jump on Wolverine, to stop him from killing the person they think is their friend. Meanwhile, Maybe gets up, and morphs into a security guard, then wades into the pile of heroes, apparently to stop them from fighting, but in reality to just hurt them a lot.*

Krig:"Why everybody jump on cool hairy guy? Nobody like cool hairy people. Hmpf."

Could this be the end of our heroes? Or will other mildly amusing/gutsplittingly hilarious events occur? Stay tuned!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

(NSP: Krig, I love you man! Fellow X-Men fans unite!)

Suddenly, the REAL MaybeChild walks onto the set, muttering about not being able to find Hugh Jackman, when she sees the brawl taking place.

Sem: (looking up from the pile of attackers) Ni!

Geb: (looking up as well) Maybe! But-- I thought-- er....

Wolverine (from the bottom of the pile): Erk... some welcoming committee...

Maybe: NOOOO!!!

Maybe takes a flying leap and shoves everybody off of Wolverine with one fell swoop. Sem, Gebby, and Ante land in a heap on top of Otter, who still thinks he's Ben Stein. Randy lands on his @$$ on top of Losien, and Krig stands there looking helplessly confused.

Krig: Smart man hurt?

Wolverine: I'll be fine, kid. (Spots MaybeChild) Either I'm seein' double or. . . *sniff* you must be the "Maybe" this guy was talking about.

Maybe: Ye-- Hey! *jerks back, seeing two Cyclopses behind Wolverine* Why two of YOU? Why not Gambit? *pouts*

Suddenly, one Cyclops turns into Morris the Cat and laughs menacingly. He approaches Magneto and purrs.

Magneto: Good work, Morris. You have turned the adventurers against the X-Men. I can use this. . .

Maybe: No you cant!!!! *Seizes Holy Hand Remote and points it at Magneto* Take that!

Suddenly, the scene changes to an estate outside of New York City. Cyclops and Wolverine are nowhere to be seen, but Maybe is suddenly wearing green and yellow spandex with a bomber jacket and gloves and has a white streak in her (dashingly beautiful ) red hair; Geb is wearing blue spandex and a ruby quartz visor; Sem is wearing red and black and has turned blue, with three fingers and three toes and a tail; Otter has become big, blue, and furry; Ante has sprouted angelic wings; Losien is wearing all white and her hair has turned white; Krig suddenly has adamantium claws and is wearing yellow spandex; and Randy, the newcomer, is wearing a yellow trench coat and gloves with shorts and a t-shirt (always thought that was an odd outfit) and is chewing gum. A tv theme song starts to play, and at first none recognize it, save for MaybeChild.

Maybe: Whoops...

Sem: You didn't...

Randy: I'm JUBILEE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Maybe: (to Sem) Sorry, Nightcrawler. Looks like ah landed y'all in the X-Men...

Ante: Why do I have to be Archangel? Can't I be Gambit?

Maybe: Wait! Ah think ah see the swamp-rat himself comin' along now!

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 09, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 09, 2001).]

*A slender, redish haired young man with red eyes, wearing a trenchcoat approaches. He shuffles a deck of cards in one hand with rather impressive dexterity*

Masetto: Why you be callin' Gambit "Swamp-Rat" cher?

*Maybe puts her hand on her hip and tilts her head*

Maybe: Well maybe ya'd look better if ya used a comb!

Masetto: So you're sayin' Gambit look good with messy hair huh? *winks* I accept your compliment cher.

*The others look at him suspiciously*

Masetto: What'd Gambit do!? Don't you like 'he Cajun no more?

WHO IS THIS STRANGE PERSON WHO JUST ENTERED OUR STORY? IS HE TRUST WORTHY? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT MORE!

Geez, I posted "Nostradamos.. Scary Stuff here" two years ago as GA Farrant.. And yet here it remains!

------------------
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow,
Let her be

Masetto: Hi, Mabey

Mabey: Yo


WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HEROES? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!!!

------------------
-------KOP_Squall-------
Lions Rule

------------------
-------KOP_Squall-------
Lions Rule

(NSP- new sig... what y'all think?)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

(Hehe, sweet sig man)

*Krig, not having to do a lot of acting to pull off the part of a short, hairy, bestial hero, grins and growls at Morris. Morris leaps at the party, and Krig jumps at him, meeting in mid-air. Krig begins pounding on Morris, like an insane weasle. Morris swipes at him with one paw, and Krig goes flying into a wall, shattering the brick wall.*

*Morris strides slowly over to Maybe.*

Morris:"Give me the Holy Hand Remote and I won't have to hurt you!"

Maybe:"If you touch me, I'll absorb all your powers!"

Morris:"I'm covered in fur! You can't touch my skin!"

Maybe:"Uh-oh..."

*Morris leaps at Maybe with a frightening speed, much incredibly faster than a creature of his size should be able to move. Maybe loses her grip on the Holy Hand Remote (who wouldn't, if Morris the Cat landed on ya?), and the Remote goes flying... into the hands of Magneto.*

Magneto:"What have we here? Some sort of dimensional time-slider? You all are travelling through the dimensions hoping to find "Earth Prime", is that it?"

Geb:"Uh, no, you've been watching too much 'Sliders'. That's just a TV remote. Of no importance. Please give it back."

Morris:"Don't do it! They're tricking you!"

Magneto:"Tricking me, eh? Well, we'll have to put a stop to that! Morris, destroy them."

*Morris pounces on the collection of heroes with a pants-soiling ferocity. Losien slips out of the brawl, and her eyes gloss over and turn white.*

*Thunder rumbles in the distance.*

Magneto:"Uh-oh. I'd better deal with you personally!"

*Magneto raises his hands, and behind him thousands of pieces of sharp looking metal float upwards.*

Crimeny! What will happen next? Will I continue to say the same thing after every post? Do we really need a narrator? The answer to all those questions is a resounding "YES"! Well, except the first one, which isn't really a yes-or-no question.

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

*Meanwhile, up in the air, Ante/Archangel is having a little too much fun...

Ante: *flying* WHEEEEEEEE!!

Geb: Get down from there! We have to kick *** now!

Ante: But I don't wanna! You're just bitter cuz I have wings!

Geb: Yeah, well I don't get periods either--

Randy: I resent that! *adjusts his breasts*

Geb: --and you'll have to get down sometime.

Ante: You're bitter! Bitter bitter bi-tter!

Geb: *In song* I'm not bitter, oh so bitter...

Ante: OH! A statue!

*Ante perches on a nearby statue of some famous politician, reminisant of a city pidgeon. Geb meanwhile walks up to Randy.*

Geb: You know, I would have never thought a guy could look so sexy.

Randy: *under his breath* Shut up...I'm having a hard time as it is keeping myself from being turned on by by own body.

Geb: Hey, maybe you can try seducing Magneto or something.

*Randy gives Geb a cold and disgusted look*

Randy: You're just sick man. Utterly sick.

*Off on the other side of the standoff between Magneto and Losien/Storm...*

Otter: *adjusting his newfound glasses* Perhaps if we calculate the cotangent of the angle and the magnitude of the parallel force, and then compensate for the coefficient of friction...

Sem: Stop acting like your'e smart and just punch Magneto into Abu Dabi.

Otter: Uh...you first.

Sem: OhhoHO no! I said it first, YOU go.

Otter: No way! Send Gambit in!

Masetto: Leave me outta this man! Send the hot plate over to Krig--er--Wolverine...um, and dem troublemakers best not bet against my luck.

Krig: Krig no wish death wish.

Masetto: I'm not going in there man!

Maybe: *off to the side* Not even for me?

Masetto: Damnit woman, you just had to lay down the guilt on me, didn't you?

Maybe: Get in there, NOW!

Masetto: *sigh* (starts walking towards Magneto and Losien)

Maybe: *love sigh* I love that crazy Cajun!

Masetto: *walking back, much more joyous* Oh darn! Storm beat me to it!

Losien: I didn't mean to do it...

Maybe: But how...

Losien: Well, I just brought lightning down, and I guess it magnetized all the metal in an unpredictable fashion. It all stuck onto him like a big metal hairball. I hope he's alright.

*Magneto, growling in anger, steps into view, brushing off the metal that is still trying to stick to him.*

Sem: Eep.

Maybe: Uhh...plan anyone?

*snoring* Zzzzz...uh-huh? OH! Uh...what will our frantic fighters do now? Um...what are you looking at me for? The next post isn't written on my forehead or anything...

----------------------------
"Game over man! Game over!" Hudson - Aliens

~Gebohq

(Camera pan to narrator)
And it came to pass, that unto them was brought, an artifact of unequaled power, that being the Holy Helmet of Halibut!
(pan back to action)
Krig suddenly finds himself wearing a shiny new helmet, with fish engraved on the outside of it. As Magneto runs by, the helmet begins to hum softly, and glow like a RainbowBrite action figure, spewing masses of halibut in the general direction of Magneto. Faced with this new, and threatening threat, he charges Krig, who finds, much to his dismay that the helmet is on backwards. But as Magneto draws near, the helmet gets caught up in the magnetic field surrounding him, and flies towards him, with Krig flailing behind like a windsock behind the concord. Perciving his peril to be more perilous than he had anticipated, Magneto panics and runs away, with Krig flying after him. In a heroic effort to rescue Krig, Sem leaps out and grabs him as he flies by, only to find himself being dragged along too. Likewise Geb, Randy, and Otter grab on, and find themselves in the same prediciment, and finally Ante flies down and spreads out his wings, creating barely enough resistance to stop Magneto from getting away because of his attraction to Krig (Krig the writer: HEY!) err.... rather the unbreakable bond between Krig and Magneto (Krig the writer throws Sem the writer's computer out the window, and ends his posting, at least until he gets his spare set up.)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

*Dashed to tiny bits on the concrete, Sem the writer's computer could be found outside the Forum office building. Quietly, a modem connection could be heard from it, and it's screen flickered weakly with the Scandisk blue screen, not finding any errors. A voice could be heard from it's speakers, crackling.*

"Hello, this is Jonny Cochrane --oh, this is coming through the fax. Hold on..."

*On the fax, it reads "Invloved in crashes. Attempted murder via thrown out the window. Must sue immediately."

(Yeah, it was a cheap post, and we don't even have to go anywhere with it. I jsut thought it'd be good until we can think of something better at least)

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE STORY.....

*Ante, having managed to slow Magneto long enough for Maybe to fly over and pluck "The Helmet" off of Krig's head, using her incredible strength. She then tosses it to Masetto*

Maybe: Here Shugah! Charge it yah energy and destroy the thang!
Masetto: I on it chere!

*Masetto charges the helmet with kinetic energy and throws it as far away from him as possible before it explodes*

Otter: NO! You intelectually challenged individual! Do you not see that by destroying such an artifact, you bring down God's fury upon you!?

Masetto: You sayin' that a helmet that send forth halbits is an instrumen' o God? Tch, now dis Cajun has heard alot o crazy----

*The helmet explodes into a thousand pieces. Suddenly, dark clouds swirl about in the sky above Masetto, with a small hole in the eye of the storm. From the dark and swirling mass of clouds, the solitary light shown down through the eye, down onto Masetto.*

Masetto: *gulp* uh....
Geb: Holy!
Maybe: Dang!
Otter: I told you!
Ante: Uh oh, the boss...
Krig: Huh? Where helmet go?
Randy: Odd weather today...
Magneto: O S***! It's Saturday! I tell you its so hard to be an Orthodox Jew and a mutant supervillan AT THE SAME TIME!

*The light swirls about Masetto*

God: SWAMP RAT!
Masetto: WHY do EVERYONE call de Cajun THA'!?
Maybe: (giggles) Why don't ya' ask Him for a comb whil' He's 'ere?
God: YOU HAVE--------------------------

(Back in Reality)

UPS Man: Is there a Mr. Evil here? I have a package for Semi Evil.

*The writers all look to Sem. Masetto glares at first the UPS Man and then Sem, finding it hard to concentrate with all the racket going on*

Sem: Oh good! My replacement computer has arrived! Thank you so much for getting here so quickly!
UPS Man: Sign here...*Sem signs*...Okay, your package is downstairs by the front steps, have a good day.

*Masetto goes to hit the keys before he loses his train of thought*

Otter: So Sem, what kind of computer is it?
Sem: Its a pentium II with 440 Megs and 2.4 Gigabyte harddrive space, just like the old one....

*Masetto stares blankly at the flashing cursor... and lost his train of thought!*

Sem: (continued)...however this one has 24 more RAM and has a 20x CD-ROM drive and--
Masetto: I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!!!! AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Geb: Hey Mase, its okay... *starts toward him*
Masetto: *With wicked grin on his face*... You're right Geb... I'll be right back

*Masetto scurries out the door, while Sem continues to tell Otter about the specifications of his computer for another minute or so. Maybe then says as soon as he is done...*

Maybe: You know Sem, you shouldn't have been talking when Masetto was trying to concentrate... he needs silence when working, remember?

*Masetto enters the room, with Sem's package in his arms*

Sem: Oh! Thanks Masett--Ni!

*Masetto runs over to the window and chucks the package out of it, and smiles as he watches the machine smash against the pavement below. Krig laughs quietly to himself*


WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY!? WILL SEM EVER GET HIS COMPUTER? WILL MASETTO REGAIN HIS CONCENTRATION? WILL THIS POST EVER END? (hehe, sorry about the epic length of the post guys... hehe... I couldn't help myself!) STAY TUNED TO THE NES TO FIND OUT!

* Randy walks into the NSP office *

Randy: You'll never believe what I just saw. There I was minding my own busness, checking the mail when suddenly a large UPS package falls from the sky and crashes into the sidewalk nearly killing...

* Randy's voice trails off as he reads some lines on the flatscreen monitor covering a portion of one wall *

Randy: WHAT?!?! How on earth did I end up being "cast" as Jubilee?!?!

Maybe: Well... (trying to come up with a good reason) ...we ran out of other characters.

Geb: Serves you right for not comming in sooner, you nerd.

Randy: <sigh> Yeah, I guess your right...<under his breath>...this time.

* Randy then notices Sem staring into space as if his brain were abruptly taken from his body and hurled from the building *

Randy: Hey Sem, what's wrong.

Sem: ........

Randy: Uhhh...

* With that Sem breaks down and sobs deeply *

Losien: Masetto <points to Masetto> flung Sem's new computer out the window...

Randy: Hence the UPS box taking a deep dive into a shallow pool.

Ante: Exactly.

* Randy sighs and seats himself at his workstation and begins typing... *

Randy: Let's see...

< Back to the story >

God: You have destroyed an artifact that was a importaint plot device.

Ante: Ooooohhhh... Busted.

God: Silence!

Ante: Yes Sir! Sorry Sir!

God: Forgiven...now, Masetto, because this is a story and not REAL life, I will leave you with a warning. Quit destroying plot devices given to you by the writers of this story.

* Exit God, light, clouds, Host of Heaven, etc... *

* Masetto stands speechless *

Randy/Jubilee Tugging at hi..err..her shorts)<To herself> Why do these Marvel artists have too be so loose? <To Masetto> I think you got off easy.

Geb: No, yah think?!?

Maybe: Awww... you didn't get that comb.

Masetto: Shut up!

< /\ Similar names... coincidence? \/ >

Magneto: Can we get on with this?

* Just then a PLASTIC Halbut helmet appears, reversed as before, on Krigs head. *

Krig: AAAHHHRRRGGGG!!! KRIG NO LIKE DARK!!!

Randy/Jubilee(looking skyward): Thank you...

Ante: Here we go again.

< Back in reality >

* Randy searches the internet for info on Jubilee. Geb leans over Randy's shoulder...*

Geb: Ohh... so Randy's got a new girl friend?

Randy: Shut up, I'm trying to get into character, and since I've never really seen any of the X-men comics, shows, or movie I figured that Marvel.com would be a likely place to look.

Geb: Fair enough... Chicky.

Randy: Grrr...

< Back in the story >

* Krig, unable to free himself from his plastic prison begins to feverishly race about hoping to remove the helmit *

Magneto: I have you now...

Randy/Jubilee: Take this!

* Randy produces a pink sphereoid and tosses it at Magneto, who then steps upon it, squshing it into a gummy puddle allowing it to stick to his boot. *

Magneto: <curses> Do you know how much this whole costume cost. Now I'll never get back my deposit.

* As Magneto proceeds to carefully remove the chewing gum from his previously spotless boot he hears the sound of a thousand pounding hooves. Looking up he beholds the image of a fear-crazed Wolverine, blinded by the plastic headgear, racing toward him with incredible speed. *

Mageto: Ohhh sh......

* Krig/Wolverine and Magneto collide with the force of a freight train hitting a Honda Civic filled with packaging peanuts. *

Magneto: Owchie...

Maybe: Rand..err..I mean Jubilee, I have a question.

Randy/Jubilee: Yes?

Maybe: Why didn't you use any of your mutant powers?

Randy: I had to use Kr..Wolverine's racing about in some way. Otherwise he would have had to hit a wall.

Geb: Ok...?

Randy: Besides, it wouldn't have been as funny if I tried to roast him in his own juices.

Morris: Ahem!! Have you forgotten me?

* Randy buttons the trench coat in order to preserve some remaining pride. *

Sem: Right...on to buisness...

* After this commercial break *

<Office people in their morning commute>

* Phone rings *

Lady: Don't get that Frank!

* Frank answers the phone *

Frank: Baxter! It's Baxter!!

* Cat proceeds to meow in a hypnotically alluring melody as the announcer praises the wonders of the brand of cat food while in the background one can faintly hear Morris the cat screaming "WOOHOO!!!" *

< How will our heroes get out of this interesting pickle? Will Randy ever return to his original gender?(better sooner than later before Sem, Geb, Otter, and Ante come on to him ) What does Morris, the evil cat from hell, have in store for the X-me..err..our heroes? Tune in again...>


[This message has been edited by Randy (edited January 19, 2001).]

<Back in Reality>

* Randy slides back from his computer awaiting the other writers input. *

[NSP: Randy, you're Jubilee because you're the newcomer, and Jubilee is the last addition to the team on the animated show. Sucks to be you, man *eg* (we love you anyway )]

A bit away from the action for a while, Masetto/Gambit approaches Maybe/Rogue.

Masetto/Gambit: So, chere, what're you gonna do after we take ca' o' Magneto?

Maybe/Rogue: *glares* Takin' a long, hot bath. And NO YOU CAN'T JOIN ME!

<in the real world>

Sem the writer: *snaps out of his trance* You know, MC, we didn't get Mase into the story so you two could have your little kodak moments!

Maybe the writer: Who's we? And I know that. yeesh, cut me some slack. Just because your computer is dead doesn't mean you have to take it out on the rest of us.

Sem considers this, and proceeds to tackle Maybe quite savagely, causing Geb and Ante to start taking bets while Masetto and Krig start trying to pry Sem and Maybe apart.

<back in the story>

Morris: MEOW!!!

Geb: Do you guys get the strange feeling that Morris is mad? *everyone nods in agreement* I think we need to do something about that...

Ante: Way to go, fearless leader...

Before anyone can move, the earth starts rumbling and a great fissure opens in the ground, separating our heroes from Morris the Cat. From within this giant crevice, rises the most foul beings ever encountered in the history of the world... the BLUE MEANIES!!!

As Ante takes to the sky carrying Randy, Maybe flies Masetto and Krig to safety, and Losien lifts herself and Geb on the wind, Otter and Sem are left standing to face the onslaught of blueness.

Otter: oh dear...

Blue Meanie: Are you two Bluish? Why are you not in your ranks?

Sem: Uhhh... later dood... *transports himself far, far away from the fluffy blue invaders*

[NSP: Sorry, y'all wanted a post, this was the best I could come up with]

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

<NSP: Maybe, I thoroughly understand the reasons and intentions in my currently...being female. Don't feel sorry(and I bet you don't ) I'm just playing with the fact that it would be most surprising to discover that you are "magically" in a different gender. With that said...>

* Otter suddenly comes to the realization that he is alone. *

Otter: Gee.. Thanks guys.

Blue Meanie: You there! Why are you not in your uniform?

Otter: Uhhh....

* Suddenly in despiration, a song, a single song begins to caress the neurons and synapsies of otters brain...that song, "Blue" by Eifle86 ( <- spelling?). The hypnotic melody rolls over the blue hordes of destruction and they begin to bob and sway with the tune. Within minutes, the blue army is at Otters feet "worshiping" him as a bluish deity... *

Otter: Now this is more like it.

Blue Meanies(In unison): What is thy bidding, oh crusty blue cheesiness?

Otter: Uhh... jump up and down!

* With that the Meanies begin to furiously bounce up and down as if they were of one mind. The combined weight of the Meanies causes the very earth to tremble underneath them. *

Otter: Ok...stop jumping. You have satisfied my command.

* The meanies stop and stand still as before. Otter thinks, "Ya know, this has some use..." *

* Otter spins to face Morris, points to him and cries out at the top of his lungs... *

Otter: ATTACK!!!!!!!

* The blue sea of fur ripples and flows across the gorge toward the puzzled cat. *

Morris: Uhhh...

< More after this commercial break... >

* Several scenes of very happy elderly couples show throughout the first part of the commercial. At the end, in small text read the words "Viagra" and it's chemical name and other health disclamers. *

<Will Morris escape the Blue meanies? Did Otter go too far in his selection of a musical number? Why the heck do we have Viagra commercials during a "kids" cartoon? These and more in our next thrilling installment...>

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited January 19, 2001).]

*As the sea of blue ripples away into the distance, bearing Morris the Cat with it, our fearless heroes regroup around the Otter.*

Otter (sarcastically):"Hey, thanks for the help, guys!"

Krig:"Otter welcome."

Geb:"Well, that should hold Morris for a while, although I fear that even the terrifying blueness will not hold him for long. For now, we must decide on a course of action."

Krig:"Krig hungry. Krig want food. We get food."

Ante:"Hey, come to think of it, we haven't eaten since... well, for a long time! We really should get some food."

*Just then, a horribly bruised and beaten Magneto stands up, with horror movie music playing in the background.*

Maybe:"Oh, no, I thought we'd destroyed that fiend!"

Magneto:"You have destroyed my outer shell, but you have not destroyed me! Continually, you underestimate my power! That is the last mistake you shall ever make!"

*Magneto's eyes begin glowing an erie red. His face begins to melt, falling away, revealing the vile BURBY 00 at the controls of a robotic Magneto body!*

Burby00:"You shall all pay dearly for your insolence! I, Burby00, shall tear you apart, molecule by molecule! The world shall tremble at the name of BURBY 00!"

Randy:"Hey, wait a minute, you're not Magneto at all, are you?!"

Burby00:"SILENCE, insolent fool! I shall destroy you for that!"

Randy:"Ok, go ahead."

Burby00:"I will unleash upon you the full force of the worst pain imaginable! You will beg to be put to death quickly, but I will not grant you this! For you, a death that takes a thousand years to complete will be heaven!"

Randy:"Yeah, ok, get on with it."

Burby00:"You will rot for eternity! With my own special blend of acids, I will burn your eyes out, slowly! Your skin will be removed by the most skilled of surgeons! You will be subjected to months and months of the most excruciating--"

Randy:"You're just waiting for me to make a daring escape, aren't you?"

Burby00, looking embaressed:"Yes. I'm sorry, the Pay-per-View people put me up to it! If I had my way, you'd be dead already!"

Sem:"I don't mean to interrupt, but Morris the Cat is returning, and it looks like he's just eaten all of the Blue Meanies..."

Otter:"Uh-oh. I don't think we want to mess with a 200 pound cat with indegestion..."

Randy:"We'll see ya later, Burby00. We have to go right now."

Burby00, with evil expression:"Oh, you can count on it, Randy. And when we meet again, I will be sure to have the weapons necessary to destroy you and your friends..."

Don't worry, dear viewers! The Never Ending Story will return! Don't ask me when or how, or even how long they can scrounge up new material, but they will! Until then, keep your head on your shoulders. Use duct tape if necessary.

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

(NSP: Aaand I'm back! Now ifonly I had a plan before writing this...)

*Inside the Massassi offices...*

Geb: Good one Krig, bringing Burby in like that kept us from having to open another plot hole. Now we only need to get Darkside and "They" back into the picture, and perhaps some other forgotten bad guys...

Ante: BLARG! I can't think of any more ideas! The anime women keep distracting me...

Otter: You always say that!

Randy: So does anybody know where to take this story now?

*They all sit in silence, their attept to think of ideas is visibly evident as they hit their heads like Winnie-the-Pooh. Geb stares outside his window to see The Admiral's command Center's offices. Taking out his binoculars, Geb peers over into the windows.*

*His vision passes through many windows: One with a lab, with scantily-clad women creating Singleplayer levels for JediKnight and MotS, another with a well-endowed woman reviewing a level, and yet another with men like themselves, writing as they did, surrounded by women in bikinis.*

Geb: *to himself* Perhaps I should apply there...

*Geb takes a closer look with his binoculars to find that the writers are writing a story called "Massassi Wars", and that below in the streets, their story is drawing crowds of people. Smiling with an evil thought in his head, Geb turns around to the other writers*

Geb: I have an idea! Let's have our heroes be the bad guys! And they can be fighting against a rebellion in the Massassi Empire, and they call themselves the TACCers...

Krig: This sound familiar

Geb: Hush you! Got any better ideas?

*Meanwhile, in the realm of our heroes...*

Geb: Ack! Why am I wearing a stormtrooper outfit! I don't want to be a bad guy! Get it off!

Maybe: This new change feels awefully funny.

Krig: Krig smell plagerism.

Maybe: What did you say?

Krig: Er...Krig smell something fishy.

*Maybe rolls her eyes, swearing that she heard Krig say a big word.*

Oh no! Will our writers succumb to plagerism! Will our heroes turn evil? If you keep clapping your hands, the writers might feel your attention and turn to their own demented ideas. Money usually helps too...
----------------------

"Your father was a hampster and your mother smelt of elderberries!" -Monty Python and the Holy Grail

~Geb

Dum-dum-DUUUUUUUUM!

*Silence falls upon the story*

*clears throat* Dum-DUM-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

*The silence continues.*

*to the writers* Pssst! Hey you! Yes, you guys. This is where you write our heroes out of the clutches of plagerism and laziness. Oh right, I forgot who I was talking to...

<NSP: Since we are in a television we can do this...>

<In reality...>

* As our writers search themselves for ideas, Randy's eyes fall upon a small plastic case near the television. *

Randy: Hmmm......

* Randy races to his computer and begins to type furiously as the others watch the flatscreen carefully. *

< In story... >

* As our heros run from Morris they notice someone approaching the television in which they are trapped, The teenage individual produces a disc from a case and places it inside the gray box marked Playstation. *

Sem: What tha???

Ante: It's..it's..Final Fantasy VII!!!

* The screen flickers and our heros find themselves upon a grassy plain surrounded by mountains and forests... *

Geb: Wow...

Krig: Ooooo...pretty.

* It is then that our heros notice that their cloths and forms have changed. Geb spies the massive sword in his hands and realizes that he is Cloud Strife. Ante tugs at his cape and finds that He is Vincent Valentine. Sem eyes the spear in his possesion and says, "Heh, Cid Highwinds the name, piloting is my game." Krig finds that his right arm is replaced with a large gun. "Krig is Barret" he says. Losien notices the staff in her hand and the dress she wears. "Aeris Gainsborough here. " she says. Maybe notes her fingerless gloves and shapely form and says, "I'm Tifa!! Woohoo, I'm a girl, thanks Randy the writer!!! By the way, where is Randy?" "Down here..." comes a voice. All look to find a large, red-furred, lion-like creature. "..I'm Red XIII." says Randy. A teenage girl walks up looking sheepish. "Darn. I'm Yuffy." says Masetto. Masetto's spirits lift when he finds that Otter is worse off then he. "I'M CAIT SITH!!! AHHHHHHHRRRGGGG, RANDY!!!!" cries Otter. *

Maybe: I don't know, I think you look kinda cute. In a furry stuffed animal way.

Otter: Shut up!

Geb: <snort> It's not..<choke>..that..<snicker>..bad.

Otter: You to!!

* Maybe walks over and hugs Otter *

Maybe: Just like a teddy bear.

Otter: Uhh...I see your point Geb.

Geb: Hey, that's not what I ment!

Maybe: Keep your shirt on Geb, I'm just making him feel better about himself.

Otter: ..and you suceeded with flying colors.

Maybe: Hush you.

Randy: I suggest that we find out who and or where is Sephiroth and complete the game in order to return to the outer realms.

Krig: Krig head hurt.

Randy: <sigh> We beat bad man and go home.

Krig: Ohh..Krig like plan. Krig get to bash bad man.

All(but Krig): <sigh>

Geb: Anyway, Ran..err..Red's right. Let's get this over with.

* And with that our heros begin on their long trek for justice... *

< What will our heros endure? Where are their enemies now, if anywhere, and what are they plotting? Tune in next time for our next exciting issue of The Neverending Story. >

*Darkside, malingering within Semievil's head, watched the proceedings through Sem's eyes. He'd seen many strange things, but his time was not now. His time was next Friday... on next Friday, he would unleash a storm of power so furious, none would be able to even gaze upon his countenence for fear. Next Friday... Darkside frowned. How long would it take until it became next Friday? It seemed like weeks, indeed years had passed but... had it really been only one day? It had to be more than that! Darkside pondered carefully... no, he was right! In the entire since he had joined the story (and before, when he'd been watching on PayPerView), only one day had passed! At this rate, it would never be next Friday! Darkside frowned. He would overcome this difficulty, if it took him an arm and a leg... or his sanity...*

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

NSP: Ok, well we know this story has REALLY departed from reality, cos there ain't no way I'd be showing that much affection to Otter . But it's ok, cos I have cool gloves

*In the offices*
Maybe, having absolutely no idea what to do as a Final Fantasy character, sits back and starts strumming her guitar, picking out a haunting tune. Masetto, having been squeezed out of the space around the Playstation, walks over, grumbling about his character.

Maybe: Well considering I made Randy Jubilee, luv. . . *snicker*

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 22, 2001).]

*In the realms of Final fantasy, our heroes find themselves at a loss. Well, one hero anyways...*

Geb: So what's up with me always being the leader? To be honest, I haven't a clue what this place is like. Though this sword does rock...

Randy: That'll make it all the more intersting.

Ante: Oh yes, a leader who hasn't a clue what he's doing. Sounds like a real nice death wish for all of us...

Losien: *starting to brush Randy/Red's fur on his back with her hand* That's a good dog, yeees...

Randy: *to audience* And you were all wondering why I'd want to be this character.

Otter: *moving his hands over his new er...curvy body* I think I'm going to start to like this, a whoooole lot...

Maybe: *slapping Otter on the back of the head* Hey hey! This isn't the place to be doing that kind of stuff.

Otter: Well I can do it in private, and you're welcome to join me .

*Maybechild shivers and quickly steps away from TheOtter.*

Geb: Well, anyways, since I don't have a clue what to do, somebody else is going to have to help me out on this, ok?

*Meanwhile, in the Massassi offices, the writers grow bored as Randy plays his Playstation, and a few try to take control of the game by force.*

*A mass of flailing arms, legs, and obsenities can be seen in front of the T.V. Meanwhile, Gebohq slinks to a dark corner to continue writing a story of his own.*

Who will gain control of our heroes and of their fate in the Final Fantasy game? How will our heroes cope with a lost leader? Is it true that Sephiroth doesn't regularly shower? This, and more--

Loading...Please Wait...

Who the hell are you?

I'm the new voice of action. I'm new, I'm quick-to-the-point, and I come fully automated in the Final Fantasy package. So move over, old man!

*gasp* Am I, the narrator, truely pushed aside in the heroes new quest? Do I really go on and on, saying things nobody wants to hear? Am I out-dated, ka-put, bucket-the-kicked...
-------------------------------------------
"Yeah, well the best defense is a good offense. You know who said that? Mel, the cook on 'Alice'" -Unknown

~Geb

[img]cyberfox.8k.com/gshot1.jpg[/img]

* Please forgive the image but I felt that it would better illustrate who is who and show that Otter REALLY got the short end of the stick. *

<Back in the Story...>

Geb: Well, I've never seen this kind of place in my entire life. <Glances at Maybe and Losien> But I...think I can get used to it. Anyway, I have no Idea where we are so someone is going to have to give me a hand. Randy, you got us into this mess and you ARE going to get us OUT.

* Randy looks around, takes a couple of healthy sniffs of the air and says... *

Randy:...Sunscreen...hmmm, we must be near Costa Del Sol.

Geb: Is that good?

Randy: Costa Del Sol is a beach-front resort town on the second continent of this planet. Major commoditie: Tourism. It contains a seaport, an inn, several stores, a bar, and of course the beach. It...

Sem: Shut up and sum it up!!

Randy: Basically fun, sun, and Anime chicks in bikinis.

<Suddenly there is a clap of thunder...>

Losien: Hey, where did Ante get off to?

Krig: OWWWW!!! KRIG FOOT ON FIRE!!!

* As or heros rush to extinguish Krig's foot then notice two flaming streaks leading from where Ante was standing in the direction which Randy indicated the resort town was... *

Masetto: I think we should go that way.

Sem: I don't think I've ever seen Ante run so fast in all my life.

Randy: Well, one thing is for sure, I would hate to be the monster between Costa Del Sol and Ante.

Maybe: Monsters?

* Just then a HUGE, gray snake crawls out from behind a equally huge rock and glares at our heros... *

Losien: Uhh...guys?

Krig: Krig smash!!

Randy: Uhh...if that thing does what I think it's going to do then we're done for.

Geb: What do you suggest we do then?

Randy: RUN!!!

* As ou heros turn tail and run after Ante, we find our "diligent" hero on the beach soaking up the rays...and the scenery as twenty or more Anime chicks (in bikinies) play upon the beach. *

Ante: <whisper> Is this heaven??

* Meanwhile [NSP usage count: 701] our heros marvel at the destruction left in the wake of their compatriot: Ante *

Krig: Look at funny-shaped hole in rock, Ante funny.

Geb: Yeah, his is rather "funny".

Maybe: Yeah, funny in the head.

Otter: Hey, that's my line!

Maybe: Can it "Puff'n'Stuff"!

Masetto: Heh...

* Losien notices several "monsters" that look like overused door mats... *

Losien: I see Randy's assumptions about Ante were right.

* As our heros near Costa Del Sol there is one thought on our hero's minds: How's the food in Costa Del Sol? Tune in next time to find out. *

<NSP: Don't worry about "violating" the Final Fantasy story line. After all we are here to expend our "goofyness" and go out in public as "normal". >