*Meanwhile, somewhere in a dark forest, a hand like a claw shot up through the loose dirt. The hand, caked in dark mud, fondled about searching for a hold of something, anything with which to pull. Finally, it grasped the root of a gnarled, old tree. Ever so slowly, the hand began to pull. As it did, and arm was revealed attached to it, then an elbow and a shoulder. With a triumphant grunt, the head of the great hero Sarn_Cadrill appeared from beneath the dirt.

Sarn pulled himself out of the dirt slowly, muttering to himself about never taking advice from a hero trainer again. His clothing was streaked with dirt and sweat and was very rumpled. Calmly he stood and tried to brush off some of the dirt.

Sarn: That was my best shirt too... If I ever see that so called hero trainer again...

Suddenly, Sarn notices a light flashing through the trees.

Sarn: Now what in the world is that?

Sarn runs towards the light. The camera jerks and bounces along behind him, Blair Witch style. Abruptly Sarn runs out of the trees into a clearing. A fire flickers in the center of the clearing and a group of kids sit around the fire telling stories and roasting marshmellows.

Sarn: Anyone need rescuing here?

Kid #1: Of course not. Do we look like we need rescuing?

Sarn: Well, I suppose not. But I am, after all I hero. That's what I do, is rescue people, you know. *Sarn smiles smugly at this and folds his arms across his chest*

Kid #1: Well no one needs rescuing here.

Kid #2: Say, what's a hero doing out here in the middle of nowhere anyway? And with your clothing so dirty, besides?

Sarn: Well uhh... I was just... uhh... rescuing someone! Yeah that's it.

Kid #1: Who'd you rescue?

Sarn: Uhhm.... He was... errm. She was a princess. Princess of... uh... Well that's unimportant. The important thing is I rescued her.

Kid #1: ...Then where is she now?

Sarn: Oh, well uhh.. She's... gone off to find us some... uhh... food.

Kid #2: You let the princess go off by herself to find food? You should have built her a fire then done that yourself, you unchivalrous whelp.

Sarn: Hey now. You should be nice to your elders, young man.

Kid #3: I'll tell you what I think. I bet there wasn't even a princess. I think he made that story up to cover up what he's really doing out here.

Sarn: You're suggesting I would... fabricate a story about a princess?

Kid #3: Well I sure don't see her anywhere, old man.

Kid #2: Still I suppose he could be telling the truth. We'll just have to wait and see if a princess comes back any time soon.

Kid #1: *thoughtfully* Is she hot, old man?

Sarn: That's Mr. Cadrill to you, young buck. And uhh... yeah, she's really hot. But I didn't rescue her for that... I rescued her because of her large... uhh... IQ. Yeah. Nothing better than a woman with a brain. And dont you kids forget it!

Kid #2: Supposing the princess has laid down to take a nap. I'm certainly feeling tired, and we've only been talking to this guy for a few minutes. Imagine how she must have felt.

Kid #3: Good point. Supposing there even is a princess, she'd probably want to stay as far away from Mr. Capdill as she can.

Sarn: That's Cadrill, you bad-mannored child.

Kid #1: Who cares? Let's go find her. He said she's hot!

Kid #3: Yeah, but what does he know? He's probably never even seen a princess before.

Kid #1: Oh, and like you have?

Kid #3: Well... Ok, let's go after her. Stay here, Mr. Canfill.

Sarn: Uhh... Ok. That's a good idea. I hope you find her!

The group of kids run off into the forest, calling out after the princess. Sarn smiles smugly to himself.

Sarn: That's one way to get rid of some obnoxious kids. Now then, off to find Geb. Wonder what he's up to these days...

------------------
Think Them Skimpy thoughts!!!

*cough NSP: The above post was actually written by me, Sarn_Cadrill.

I'm at Craig's house and his browser cookies automatically filled in his username and password and I forgot to change it.

------------------
Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

NSP: (Dude...are you at the Massassi BBQ?)

------------------
Schism.

NSP Uh, yeah, technically... Though it's really just Craig and me here. Not really a BBQ...

------------------
Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

*In the Main Room of the Hall of Heroes, the credits of Die Hard 4 are rolling on the giant screen. The gaggle of heroes hangs around and discusses the movie intellectually.*

Otter: "*sniff*... that was beautiful!"

Maybechild: "You didn't even watch the whole thing!"

Otter: "I know true art when I see it!"

*Just then, the door opens and Geb and Losien stumble in, all charred and beat up and stuff. A couple of the heroes spare them a disinterested glance or two.*

Geb: "Hey, everybody."

Sem: "Hey Geb. Where were you? You missed a good movie!"

*Geb collapses on the floor in exhaustion. He lays there for a moment, still, as the other heroes look at him in astonishment. Janitor Bob begins spraying him with Windex and trying to keep the floor upon which he's fallen clean.*

Losien: "I'm sorry we're not in a better mood, Semievil, but a very brave man and possibly the love of my life has just died, sacrificing himself for our safety."

Mick MacLongname: "What? I'm not dead!"

Losien: "What? I wasn't talking about you..."

Mick: "You said the love of your life! That's me, right?"

Losien: "Well, um, I think we should just be, um, friends? Ok?"

Mick: "What? This sucks! Who is he? Who is it who stole you away from me?"

Losien: "Uh... TLTE."

Mick: "TLTE?? Our dread enemy? He's tried to kill us uncountable times! He's sheer evil! It's in his name! He's nothing but a --"

*Just then, Mick's tirade is cut short by a well-placed blow to the back of the head by Semievil. Sem shrugs.*

Sem: "He was just gonna keep on like that. It woulda got boring."

*Just then, Geb wakes up again. Brushing the incessantly cleaning J-Bob away, he staggers to his feet and makes his way to the nearest couch, where he sits down.*

Geb: "It was horrible. Kirbies everywhere... fighting. Killing. So many of them..."

Maybechild: "What happened?"

Geb: "JediKirby -- he became evil, and really big and fat, and there was something about time travel -- I didn't understand the whole thing. But then he exploded into a bunch of little kirbies, and all of them were attacking, and I fought ferociously, but--"

Maybechild: "Wait, wait -- you fought them?"

Geb: "Well, uh... yeah. I did pretty good, if I do say so myself."

*There is a moment of silence in the Hall of Heroes. Then, abruptly, everyone bursts out laughing.*

Geb: "What? Why is everyone laughing?"

Maybe: "You're --heehee-- not very good at telling --pshaw haw-- lies, Geb."

Otter: "Yeah, you should at least make them believable!"

Geb: "But I really did fight them! I killed a whole bunch of them!"

*The laughter swells, and several heroes begin rolling on the floor in humourous convulsions.*

Geb: "Losien! You were there! You saw me fighting!"

Los: "Well, Geb, it is a little, um, out of character for you. Actually, I'm not sure I can believe it myself..."

Geb: "But you saw it! With your own eyes!"

As the NeS heroes laugh in Geb's face, the mystery remains -- how was Geb able to put up such fierce resistance? Does he have mysterious powers that he just never discovered because he spent all his time running away? Is he, perhaps, a True Hero? The world may never know -- never, that is, unless they continue to tune into the Neverending Story! And then they will know! So stay tuned dear readers! Eventually all questions will be answered! So there!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Meanwhile, Sarn still staggered about in the forest, attempting to find his way to his good friend, Geb.

Sarn: Bah, it's no fair. Everything looks different once you're above ground.

Sarn continues to mutter to himself, as he picks his way through the dense underbrush. Suddenly, a giant beast leaps from behind a tree. The beast has long razor sharp teeth, and is covered in fur. It growls ferociously.

Sarn: ...Aunt Sally?

Beast: ?

Sarn: No, wait... You're not Aunt Sally. She's got more hair then you. What do you want?

Beast: Surrender your pitiful life, human. You are not fit to lick the ground where I tread.

Sarn: We'll you're not very friendly now are you?

Beast: ...Umm. No. I'm a ferocious beast, I'm supposed to be nasty and rude. It's in the script if you'd bother to read it now and again.

Sarn: Ha. Why would I do that? It spoils all the surprise. For instance, had I read the script I would know right now whether or not I would defeat you in battle.

Beast: Yes, and had you read the script, you would have been expecting... this!

Suddenly, an fist appears up out of a small shrub near where Sarn is standing. Out steps a short, muscular man, who proceeds to thump Sarn a good one on the back of his head. Sarn falls to the ground unconcious.

Beast: Excellent job, Gogan.

Gogan: ... Why'd you even have me do that? You're the one that's supposed to be the big, ferocious, mighty beast, aren't you?

Beast: Well, yes... But I must reserve my strength. After all, I may have to fight someone actually worthy of the competition eventually. Someone who wouldn't fall for the old "have a thug hide in a small brush and thump you on the head when you're not looking" trick.

Gogan: I see. Well, Ok then. Who do I get to thump next?

The beast puts on as thoughtful an expression as a beast is capable of.

Beast: Well, we'll just have to wait and see, now won't we. Now help me drag this lout to my lair.

Gogan: Why? Can't we just kill him or something and be done with it?

Beast: Of course not. If we kill him then he will not be able to escape, and it wouldn't be a very good story if he didn't have to escape from the lair of a ferocious beast, now would it?

Gogan: Oh, ok... But you'd better let me thump the next guy extra hard for this.

Oh no. What will happen to the Brave Sarn_Cadrill? Will he be able to escape the Beast's lair? And for that matter, who is this Beast and his unsightly companion Gogan? Tune in next time to find out!

------------------
Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

*back in the past we continue the story of Rob*

Jim7: WTF...

Rob: where am i... what is that glowing orb thing on the table?

Jim7: You are in my tent ... the orb thingy is what i was about to use to drag you here... but i haven't used it... how did you get here?

Rob: i saw something shiny in a box and pushed a button...

Jim7: time travel?

Rob: huh?... oh oh... i remember somehting about a time machine

Jim7: i knew it... you are from the future... you are the wrong rob you must be sent back to your time

Rob: will it hurt?

Jim7: i'm not sure...

Rob: i don't like hurting

just then Jim7 hits Rob with the baseball bat of tiem and Rob is returned to the future


*OMQ so Rob isn't stuck in the plot u-turn... Will Rob ever remember this? Will he hold a grudge? Will there ever be something more exciting than the current crap going on in the NeS? Find out next time on the next exciting episode of Antiques Roadshow!!!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

(NSP: We abuse time-travel more than Star Trek :P)

*Location: Jim7's secret base. Time: The present.*

Jim7: "With Vinny dead, I'm free to continue on with my evil plans. Whatever they may be."

*In a blinding flash of baseball, Rob appears!*

Jim7: "Rob? How did you get here?"

Rob: "You smacked me with the baseball bat of time."

Jim: "Really?"

Rob: "It hurt like a mofo."

Jim7: "Cool."

Rob: "No, not exactly. If you recall, I don't like hurting."

Jim7: "Is that a quote? Who said that?"

Rob: "I did."

Jim7: "Oh yeah. It's all coming back to me now."

Rob: "I hate you."

Jim7: "That was a pretty good swing, eh?"

Rob: "Oh, I'll show you a good swing..."

Jim7: "Is that a threat?"

*Before Rob can shoot his mouth off, however, a familiar figure climbs in through the window.*

Kyle: "Jim! I've finally found you!"

*Kyle rushes towards Jim and locks him in an embrace.*

Jim7: "Okay, what the hell?"

Kyle: "I've finally found my estranged brother, that's what's the hell, Jimbo!"

Jim7: "Get off of me!"

*Taken aback, Kyle breaks off the hug.*

Kyle: "What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see me?"

Jim7: "Absolutely not! You invade my secret lair and my personal space, and then refer to me by that detestable nickname...I think I'll have to do away with you."

Kyle: (shocked) "But...we're reunited..."

Jim7: "Yes, well, not for long. Jack!"

*Jack enters.*

Jack: "Yes, boss?"

Jim7: "Dispose of this miscreant."

Jack: "Rewind his betamax?"

Jim7: "Just do it now or you're fired."

Jack: "So Kyle, it seems we meet again, only this time -"

Jim7: "Yeah, you can actually skip this part and get to the shooting."

Jack: (shrugs) "Okay then..."

*From out of nowhere, a full bookcase comes flying through the air and connects with Jack's head, momentarily blinding everyone. When their vision returns, Jack is gone.*

Rob: "Darn, I missed. You got any other crap lying around that I can use as a weapon?"

Jim7: (sputtering) "Freaking...hell..."

Kyle: "Did he just get killed again?"

Jim7: (grating) "No. He was blasted into the future by the Complete Encyclopedia Set of Time."

Rob: "Hey, this'll do."

*Rob hefts a beer keg over his head.*

Jim7: "Not the Beer of Time!"

Rob: "Ah-ha! Vengeance!"

*Rob launches the keg. Not being all that coordinated, it sails over Jim7's head and collides with the far wall. Beer begins leaking across the floor.*

Kyle: "I really think we should talk."

*Jim7 snags the Croquet Wicket of Time and runs at Rob.*

Jim7: "Dieeeeeeeee!"

Kyle: "I mean, we're brothers. We're family."

Rob: "Let's see how you like being bounced around space and time! Because let me tell you, it's neither entertaining nor convienent!"

Kyle: "We can't go on hating..."

Jim7: "Be careful! That's my Matching China Set of Time!"

Kyle: "We need to reconcile. What do you say, brother?"

*The floor is covered in a watery sheen as the Beer of Time seeps over it. Caught in the expanding puddle, Jim7, Kyle7 and Rob are transported to another time...*

------------------
Schism.

*In Dr. Dor's closet lab of madness, a shadow-puppet battle is raging. Dr. Dor is giggling madly -- not a full-blow mad scientist laugh, but more of a not-quite-all-there giggle. All manner of dramatic events are occuring. Krig the Viking decides that this is the time, and stands up and prepares to speak.*

Krig: "Krig need go peepee. Krig go now."

*With that, Krig opens the door and strides away as only a midgetish Viking can.*

Dr. Dor: "Now where is my little garden gnome off to?"

Maeve: "He's going to the bathroom with -- oh, no!"

Dr. Dor: "What is it? What's wrong, girl?"

Maeve: "He's got the beer!"

*With a drunken leap, Maeve heads for the closet door. Unfortunately, since the little Viking closed the door on his way out, she slams into it rather violently, resulting in a nasty black eye.*

Maeve: "Owch."

Dr. Dor: "I say -- a black eye actually caused by running into a door! Remarkable!"

*Meanwhile, outside of Big Ben, a side door opens and Krig steps out, by this time hopping from foot to foot frantically. A surprised passer-by gets in his way and is subjected to a rather rude axe-smashing. He is sent flying into the Thames with a startled bleat and a wet splashing noise. Krig hops his way to a nearby bush, and soon tinkling sounds can be heard. Just then, a man with a camera slung over his shoulder comes by, and starts filming Krig. Krig frowns at him.*

Krig: "Go 'way. Krig busy."

Phil the former UGO driver and now a roving Cameraman of some kind for TLTTelevisionExec: "Sorry. Orders."

Krig: "Krig not go with watching. Watchy man leave before Krig not be happy no more."

Phil: "Sorry. I was told to film any and all NeS Heroes I might come across."

Krig: "Gggrrrrrrrrrrrgh...."

*The situation is getting tense, when a third party happens upon the scene. It's a London police officer, dressed in his bobby hat and whirling his little club thingy.*

Bobby: "I say, what's going on 'ere now?"

Krig: "Krig take leak. Watchy man film. Krig not like watchy man."

Bobby: "I say, I'm pretty sure that sort of thing's against the law, 'ere! I'm going to 'ave to take you two down to the lockup, I am!"

Phil: "Wait -- what he means to say is, um... uh..."

Bobby: "I'm truly sorry, but it's to the lockup you'll go, now, hup, left, right, left..."

Phil: "A coffee break! That's it, we're on a coffee break! Please don't arrest me! My boss won't like it!"

*The London Cop frowns at them. Star wipe to a dirty jail cell in Scotland Yard.*

Krig: "Watchy man not good at excuses."

Phil: "Oh, shut up."

Butch: "Hey, fancy meeting you here!..."

Oh no! Our beloved Viking is locked up in jail with Phil and their old pal Butch! What will become of them? And what will become of Sarn? Will he be eaten? What will he taste like? Stay tuned to find out!


*Outside of Big Ben. The side-door opens, and Maeve stumbles out.*

Maeve: "Krig? Kriggy old buddy? Where'd ya go? Please bring back your delicious, delicious beer? Hello?"

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

B.U.M.P! yeah! you heard me! B.U.M.P!
B.U.M.P! dang you, B.U.M.P!
just B.U.M.P already!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

(NSP: I've wanted to do this for a while, and I still haven't gotten around to working up the story post I'd want, so you all will get this instead. Thanks to maevie for helping me out.)

Summer of '99
(sung to "Summer of '69")

I saw my first NeS thread
Started the ISB in time
Wrote it till my fingers bled
It was the summer of '99

Me and some other fools
Took a stand and we tried real hard
Galvy quit and Ares got real bored
I really thought we'd never get far

Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's rewriting my posts
And that's when I met you

Going by some silly nick
You told me that you'd write forever
Oh and when you hit submit
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '99

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no?

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I write that NeS thread
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

Going by that silly nick
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you hit submit
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '99

------------------
Check out the following stories over at the Interactive Story Board:
The Never-ending Story Thread or visit the new webcomic version!
The Vision Cycle series
Featured Story: Image-native Kicks

Quest into new worlds or question the deep parts (and not so deep parts) of life at Merlin's Citadel!

* MZZT the Hero wakes up with a groan. *

[Hero] MZZT: Uggh... Where am I? The last thing I can remember is being in that horrid jail cell... with Kirg... and these weird Kirbys lifting the roof off... geez, I think TLTE slipped some weird stuff into the food...

* MZZT looks around. He is in a dumpster in an alley in London, aparantly deposited by some one. In his hand is a letter that reads: *



[Hero] MZZT: *Grumble*, I'll bet...

* Hero MZZT looks up and sees the HoH and Big Ben, so he hops out of the dumpster and trudges toward it. *

Later, at the HoH, in the Game Room...

* Geb pokes his head in to find MZZT playing Super Smash Brothers on the N64. *

[Hero] Geb: What'cha doing, Mega?

[Hero] MZZT: Just letting off a little steam...

* Geb sees MZZT playing as Pikachu, against 3 computer Kirbys. *

[Hero] Geb: Hey! That's kinda like what I did... Wait, huh? I thought Kirby was your favorite character.

[Hero] MZZT: Well, he WAS...

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited July 09, 2003).]

Big "The" Fry, the Not-hero, falls through the roof.

Big: Hey, is that Super Smash Bros?? Oh man, I can't get enough it. Who's up for a little 3 on 1?

MZZT: Where did you come from?

Big: The shrink... it doesn't seem to be working, though.

Geb: Mega! You're getting pummeled by Samus... pay attention.

Big *takes a whiff* Yow! Geez, has somebody been hanging in a dumpster reading letters from pink marshmallows or what!?
*shrugs and walks out the door, continuing on his quest for the Holy Mail.

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

[Hero] MZZT: What are you talking about?!? I took a shower!

TV: GAMESET!

[Hero] MZZT: ... @#$%.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction

One might ask about the Legion of Spooky, and why they have been so quiet--

random audience member: Not really.

Well that's your loss, because it just HAPPENS to be that the villians within are some of the most dangerous foes known to our heroes.

random audience member: Some danger they are! Have they done anything within the last ten pages?

Look, just work with it, OK? They're bound to be up to something. So deep within the Legion of Spooky, built upon the very grounds of the Arena™...

Darkside: WRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Gettleburger's keyboarding teacher: Oh give it a rest already!

Darkside: It has been too long since we have feasted on mortal souls! Master Gates! What new plot are we to execute?

Bill Gates: Keeping Microsoft running in the market. I have a business to run, you know.

Darkside: Hmm... Norman!

The First Fake Evil: I told you not to call me that!

Darkside: You had promised us victory over the heroes of NeS for bringing you back from the certain hell you were in since your last failure. You must have a plot in action, yes?

TFFE: Uh... no.

Darkside: Isn't ANYONE plotting some evil? Burby? Farr? Shadowlord? "They?" TotallyEvil?

*Each villian looked equally at a loss for evil plots.*

RAM: See? They're nobodies now. The NeS are dealing with real threats like financial issues, getting in trouble with the government, and each other.

Hush you. Back at the Legion of Spooky...

Morris the Cat: I'm hungry! Somebody feed me.

Darkside: As are we. Hungry for the death of those infernal heroes--

Morris the Cat: You talk too much. Get food now!

Darkside: Grrr... *grumble*

*Darkside floats to a nearby refridgerator and gets out a vat of Jell-o, which he places down for Morris to eat.*

Darkside: If only we could find a way to defeat them...

Morris: *while eating Jell-o* If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Darkside: Don't be stupid! Joining them... wait... YES! They'd never expect it! Good kitty!

*Darkside pats Morris on the head*

Morris: Don't touch me.

Darkside: I'll have to discuss this with the others, call up The Last True Television Executive, bake some pumpkin pie...

What's this? An EVIL plot brewing? Could it be?

RAM: Bah. It'll never catch on. I'll bet you anything that the next two pages continue around playing Super Smash Bros.

Wanna bet? Come on! Put a dollar down! I dare you!

RAM: I'll pay a HUNDRED, but you got to prance around in a tu-tu if I'm right.

Deal! You're going to lose SO bad! I'm the Narrator! I'll make SURE this evil plot not only gets off the ground, but it'll become one of the biggest events in NeS, EVER!

RAM: Uh-huh. We'll see.

So stick around to find out what'll happen in the next installment of the Never-ending Story Thread!

Big, while walking outside the building, suddenly perks up at a familiar scent.

Big: *sniff sniff* Hmm... I know that smell. It's that... that smelly smell... that smells... smelly.

*ponders*

A-ha! I have come to the conclusion that it is the scent of evil being plotted! Or perhaps pumpkin pie... *gasp* ... or maybe even both! I've got to warn the others!

Homeless Man: What are you talking about? you don't know any "others".

Big: Oh, yes that's true. Well, then I suppose I must find some others, or seek the evil out myself. There is only one place that is so vile and dank that evil plans AND pumpkin pie can be concocted at the same time... the Legion of Spooky!

Homeless Man #2: What are you talking about? Darkside and the others would slaughter you.

Big: What-

Homeless Man #1: Oh, good show, Homeless Man #2.

Big: But I-

Homeless Man #2: Why thank you, Homeless Man #1. It was quite a good come-back now wasn't it?

Big: Grrr...

Big draws his yellow lightsaber and minces the homeless men.

Big: Now, to find the Legion of Spooky... I may not know, but my heart will guide me to my destiny...

Big spins around on his toes with his eyes shut, pointing outwards with his hand. Stopping, he opens his eyes and finds his hand pointing directly at a nearby door.

Big: A-ha! My destiny lies beyond the door!

Big leaps at the door and turns the knob. At first he pushes a little, but the door does not open. Pushing as hard as he can, he cannot budge the door.

Big: Alas! My own destiny is denied to me.

Homeless Man #3: Try pulling.

Big: *pulls open the door* Shut up. *walks in*

MZZT: *turns his head* Hiya, Big.

TV: GAMESET!

MZZT: @#$&.

Big: &$#@!

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

*meanwhile back at Jim7's secret evil base*

Jim7: Rob put down the shotgun of time!!

Rob: No you hurt me!!

Jim7: Well the pillow of time was lost at the airport and I only had the baseball bat and if you and the past you met then the NeS would be erased from existence... or swallowed by a plothole within a plothole.

Rob: Big deal!

Jim7: No if that happened the hurting would have been even worse than the baseball bat of time.

Rob: Oh, OK...

KK7: Hey, remember me?

Jim7: Yes I do... now go away... I am no longer interested in killing you.

KK7: ???

Jim7: Tony see that Kyle makes it to his car.

Tony escorts Kyle out of the room

Jim7: Now Rob I need you to do something for me.

Rob: What? Will it hurt?

Jim7: Not if you don't screw up.

Rob: ok...

Jim7: I need you to deliver a letter to the Legion of Spooky.

Jim7 writes letter.

Hey Darkside you owe me $5 pay me before Friday or I will have to send one of my boys to collect the money or to deflate your tires if you know what I mean.

Rob: Where is the Legion of Spooky?

Jim7: Follow the smell of pumpkin pie.

Rob leaves

WILL JIM7 GET THE $5 DARKSIDE OWES HIM? WILL ROB EXPERIENCE MORE HURTING? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE SOPRANOS!!! (please don't sue us)

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Big the Fry exists the HoH, and immediately smells the dank scent of evil pumpkin pie.

Big: I'll follow my nose, wherever I go. Orange, lemon, cherry... *shakes his head Gah! This smell of pie is making me woozy and strange. I must keep my head about my mission!

Big follows the smell all the way to Union Station, which has appeared in London of its own free will and for the sake of the story.
Suddenly, a nearby telephone booth starts to ring... (cue x-files theme) Big immediately realizes the importance of this "call" so he picks up the reciever and is sucked out of the Matrix.

Neo: Hey!!! That call was for me! *bangs his fist on the glass, and is then riddled full of holes by Agent Smith.

***

Once on Xion, Big picks up the pumpkin pie scent even stronger... he follows the scent all the way to a very conspicuous looking Matrix plug. Plugging himself in, he is rushed back into the Matrix and he finds himself on a path directly outside of someone's secret hideout, easily smelling the pumpkin pie.

Big: Could this be it? *runs his hand over the door, sniffing the air* No, it couldn't... I smell pumpkin pie strong here, but the evil-plot-smell is still as vacant and faint as it has been since I started my quest.

All of a sudden, four Dark Jedi Ninja Samurai Swordsmen jump out of nowhere, and, lightsabers drawn, they begin attacking Big!!!!

DJNSS #1: Banzai!! Place your bets!! You rubbish!!

DJNSS #2: Let me shake your hand.

DJNSS #3: Aaa hahahahaha!!!

DJNSS #4: How did your movie career take off? *cold, hard staring*

Big stares dumbfounded at them, lightsaber drawn. All of a sudden... POOF! The dark jedi ninja samurai swordsmen are gone, and in their place are the cast from "Banzai", TV's quirkiest game show! Aaand in order from DJNSS #1-4, they are: Mr. Banzai, Mr. Shake Hands Man, Chippy Chappy, and Lady One Question.

Big: Ummm... do you guys smell pumpkin pie?

Mr. Banzai: Ohh yes! A little moon will show the stride when it makes the midnight tide...

Mr. Shake Hands Man: Find the route to take the boot; the other you take is not a mistake...

Chippy Chappy: Select a berry for the chewing, the wrong one will be your undoing.

Lady One Question: How did your movie career take off? *cold hard staring

Big: I-I don't have a movie career.

Lady One Question *throws hands up in the air in submission* Well, that is it. He's the wrong guy!

Mr. Shake Hands Man: Oops! Hehe, just forget everything we said, okay? We were looking for some actor who was delivering a letter to Darkside. My apologies.

Rob: *from backstage* I'm not an actor.

The Banzai cast stares strangely at him, then all of a sudden POOF! They were removed from the plot.
But what they had told Big was still in his brain. he now knew how to get to the Legion of Spooky!



------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

...and the clouds parted, and a massive hand came down out of the heavens, and one single finger stretched out, spearing downwards towards the NeS complex, and with a B.U.M.P! that shook the very foundations, the writers were awakened to fill the internet with the random babbling and rantings of insanity that so many had come to know as...NeS.

thank you, thank you very much. I may actually make some sort of semi-interesting post soon...maybe. for now, I shall squander my literary skills on that most hallowed of traditions.

B.U.M.P! yea, for though I walk through the valley of Writer's Blocks, I will not fear, for I have...B.U.M.P!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

(NSP: An issue concerning this thread. Please reply via neswriters@hotmail.com and NOT through a post on the thread. Thank you.

I originally posted this question to the other forum administrators and moderators:



And Kedri was kind enough to reply with this:



Forunately, I've been saving the pages anyway, but I wanted the input of all you writers (and readers) about what page number you feel this should be stopped and continued into a new thread, or if you had any other thoughts. This does not mean NeS will end at all. Again, please e-mail the responses at neswriters@hotmail.com and NOT via a post on this thread.)

Between A.T.L.O. and C.V.N.Q., there is an acronym. An acronym that never quits. Call 02.21.13.16.!! and it shall answer. It can be seen when the drive is slow on the road to something yet unseen. It is good though. It lifts the spirit up at the most unexpected times. It moves one to continue forth for reasons unknown. It is a sign of things to come.

It is the B.U.M.P.!

RAM: This phone number is bogus! There aren't any exclamation marks to dial!

...*ahem* The random audience member is suddenly struck down by a giant ice comet.

RAM: What?

hmm...italics, smiting of RAM's...ARG! Geb has out B.U.M.P'ed me! must plan my counter-B.U.M.P!
grr! fear my B.U.M.P! wraa!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

[Hero] MZZT finally stops playing SSB.

MZZT: I sence something... I sence... pie... pumpkin pie!

MZZT stands up and begins walking toward the HoH elevator as he ponders the pie.

MZZT: *stops suddenly* It is surely a sign of great evil! I must warn the others! *turns to his right*

MZZT places a piece of paper on the HoH bulletin board and scribbles on it.

MZZT: *nods* That will do. *continues walking*

MZZT gets into the HoH elevator and takes it down into the basement garage. He hops into a Sygnus Missile Boat, equipped with four laser cannons, two ion cannons, 16 concussion missles, a tractor beam system, and an afterburner system!

MZZT: Woohoo!

MZZT takes off and goes through the garage door.

MZZT: Bah, I keep forgetting to open it. Oh well.

MZZT speeds off to find the source of the evil pumpkin pies.

(Author's note: I have more to post, but I can't right now, I'll post the rest a little later.)

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction

(Author's Note: Geb, we can always pester Pommy and ubuu and whoever else to finish Z2, the new forums thing. )

When we last left [Hero] MZZT... aw, darn it! Just read it for yourself, will 'ya?

MZZT: Wow, I haven't flown one of these things in a while... *sideswipes a lightpost* Ooh! Sorry! ...

MZZT: Hmmm... as I get closer to the Arena... I feel the presence of the Pies... it is growing stronger. I do not like pumpkins. I do not like pies. It's impossible... who could be baking pumpkin pies in the Arena? It's been closed down for [p]ages!

MZZT finally reaches the Arena(TM). Did I mention it was night-time? Of course I didn't, it was supposed to be a surprise. Er ok, it's night-time, and the Arena is completely dark and silent. But it still smells like pumpkin pie.

MZZT: Alright, time to go in...

MZZT dismounts his Missle Boat and enters the Arena. He gapes in awe at the stadium appearance, and remembers reading about the brave heroes before him who had fought in this place... Gebohq, Galvatron, Ares...

DarkSide: Hey! You! What're YOU doing here.

MZZT: *Sees about 100 villians* Carp... maybe I shouldn't have daydreamed...

DarkSide: We have you now! Take THIS!!!!

DarkSide brings out a well conceiled |>|_||\/||>|<1|\| |>13 0|= |)00|\/| (|2)!!!!111 and throws it at MZZT.

MZZT: *Slow motion, dreamylike* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo.... *tries to dodge*

The pie goes SPLAT right on MZZT's face.

DarkSide: MUHAHAHAHAH!!! YES!!!! FINALLY!!! I have defeated one of the so-called heroes!! A JEDI hero no less! Soon I will have Gebohq lying at my feet, BEGGING not to be pied! But will I show mercy? NOOOO--

MZZT: Bah. I hate pie. *Pulls the pie pan off his face the begins trying to get the mess off his face*

DarkSide: WHA?!?! That pie contained my patent-pending Pretty Inventive Execution GAS!!! You should be dead!!!

MZZT: Well as you can see I'm NOT. Now gimme a napkin!!!

DarkSide: Er... *hands MZZT a napkin.*

Morris the Cat: DarkSide! I wanted a PIEGAS-less pie!

DarkSide: I gave you one!

Morris the Cat: Yeah, the WRONG one! You're lucky I have a strong stomach! *farts* Erm 'scuse me. That GAS is potent.

DarkSide: ... Oh... *looks back at MZZT* oops.

MZZT: Ha! *Uses Force Teleport and disappears with a neat little "Ping!"*

DarkSide: Bah... nothing to fear though... so the heroes will know about my little pies... they will suspect nothing... then we will side with them and try to kill them at the same time and make them totally confused!!! MUAHAHHAHAH!!!

Outside...

MZZT appears with a little "Pong!"

MZZT: I know my fellow heroes soon enough... they'll get here... but in the meantime I think I'll hide and thus give the other heroes a trump card to play...

MZZT climbs into his Missle Boat. He quickly manuevers it up to the top of the dome-shaped arena and hides it in the shadow of the statue of Gebohq that had been recently built on top of it for the Arena's planned renovation. MZZT climbs out and sits on the statue's sneaker.

MZZT: When you try to spring a trap DarkSide, I'll be waiting...

(Author's note: Don't do anything with my char please, I want him to do something cool when the time is right... I'll let the other writers write about the Arena until then--what? No, of course I'm not lazy! )

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction

Gebohq: "Eighty-Thousand dollars?!"

Police Clerk: "Pounds."

MaybeChild: "We'll pay."

*It seems that Geb, Maybe and the gang have come to bust their fellows out of jail, NeS style.*

Gebohq: "But we're good guys. We're on your team."

Police Clerk: "Excuse me?"

Gebohq: "Yeah, we're heroes too. We fight crime."

Police Clerk: "Sir, are you trying to bribe me?"

Gebohq: "I don't know. Are you trying to be bribed?"

*MaybeChild puts away her pen and hands over a cheque for 80,000 pounds.*

MaybeChild: "There."

Police Clerk: "Very well. Their court date is in a week."

*Maybe and Geb sit down on a bench as they wait for the heroic prisoners to be released.*

Gebohq: "You know, I'm getting tired of all this..."

MaybeChild: "Cleaning up after other people?"

Gebohq: "The hustle and the bustle; constantly rushing around, only to hand over all of our money."

MaybeChild: "Look, it's them."

*Krig, Phil and Butch are escorted into the reception area by a detective.*

Detective: "Here they are, then."

Gebohq: "We should be taking the money, not doling it out to some second-rate corporate lackey..."

MaybeChild: "Uh, we only want Krig. You can keep the other two."

Detective: "Party of three to be released on bail, court date pending. Those are the orders, missy."

Gebohq: "A wild and unruly group of vagabonds, dispensing swashbuckling justice as we see fit!"

MaybeChild: (sigh) "Fine, we'll take all of them. Let's go."

Phil: "Oh, my incarceration is finally over! I'll never infringe upon a local bylaw again!"

*Phil falls to his knees and begins to happily kiss the ground.*

Butch: "Just admit you lost, punk. Because you won't like it if I have to sort you out."

*Butch cracks his knuckles for emphasis.*

Gebohq: "Answerable to no man! Always on the run, but never afraid to stand and fight!"

MaybeChild: "Okay, what's the problem now?"

Krig: "Big man cheat at hopscotch."

Butch: "I was on the line!"

Phil: (between smooches)"Sweet, sweet freedom!"

*MaybeChild rubs her forehead; a headache is forming.*

MaybeChild: "For God's sake, can't we just go home?"

Gebohq: "Yes, that's right! It's a pirate's life for me!"

*Everybody stops and looks at Geb.*

Butch: "Pardon?"

Gebohq: (a capella)

I've travelled across the globe,
Seen all there is to see.
Fought in many battles,
Made a hero out of me.

But in all my far-flung journies,
there's nowhere I'd rather be;
My one and only occupation,
It's a pirate's life for me.

MaybeChild: "Geb. What are you talking about?"

Gebohq: (with music/ a tempo)

Oh, it's a pirate's life for me!
Sailing for loot on the deep blue sea
Searching for adventure,
Pillaging for treasure,
It's a pirate's life for me!

*Geb leaps up on to the Police Clerk's desk*

Gebohq:

I am a grotty captain,
with a parrot mounted fast.
Hero of naval battles,
I command the cannons' blast!

Approach me with great caution,
'cause I'll throw you overboard!
Or tell you tales of my wooden leg,
to protect my treasure hoard


Krig:

Krig a mighty pirate,
cruising through deep fog.
Not want to be a Viking,
Pirates make own grog!

Not care to combat evil,
it time to choose own gig.
Without a doubt, much fun in boat,
It a Pirate's life for Krig!

*Krig hefts a tankard of grog in the air as Ford prances into Scotland Yard.*

Ford:

Dancing on the foredeck,
in my fancy pantaloons.
Engarde ye filthy, scurvy dogs,
and anti-pirate goons!

I come for the adventure,
wooden legs and parrots for all!
pearched upon the crows-nest,
having many a close call!

*Through the music, Maybe calls to the detective.*

MaybeChild: "Can't you do something about this?"

Detective: "Well, I suppose madam. If you insist."
(sung)
The policeman's life is drab and dull,
filled with rotten chores.
Not for me, I dare say!
Shall we flee from the shores?

I long to smell the fresh sea air,
feel the sun upon my skin.
A rakish bunch of sea corsairs!
Let me pull the rigging in!

Gebohq:

Yes, it's a pirate's life for me!
Sailing for loot on the deep blue sea
Searching for adventure,
Pillaging for treasure,
It's a pirate's life for me!

You can count your gold!

Detective:

You can rot in the hold!

Janitor Bob:

You can swab the deck!

Krig:

And a grog! And a grog!

Ford:

You can frolick as you please!

Gonkm249:

Gonk.

Gebohq:

It's a pirate's life -

All:

It's a pirate's life -

All & Geb:

It's a pirate's life for me!

*Just as the last note fades away, Butch runs in and plays the outro on his flute.*

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 18, 2003).]

(NSP: I get the feeling I've heard that song before...anybody recognize it?)

Geb's response: Pirates of the Carribean! Nothing like a good NeS musical interlude...

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 18, 2003).]

And the heroes left the movie theatre, and there was much rejoicing...

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

[This message has been edited by Big_Fry (edited July 18, 2003).]

*Back at the Hall of Heroes, Lt. Randy wanders past the bulletien board, glancing at it as he does.*

Lt. Randy: "Holy Guacamole! Wow! That's a pretty important announcement!"

Galvatron (walking by): "What is?"

Lt. Randy: "Here! Look at this note on the board!"

Galvatron: "Where?"

Lt. Randy: "Right there!"

Galvatron: "Oh! I see it! Wow, why didn't I see that before?"

Lt. Randy: "Free cookies and kool-aid at the local London Krazy Dayz celebration! Let's go!"

The two heroes rush off to downtown London for free cookies and kool-aid, leaving MZZT's dire warning of doom hanging unnoticed and ignored upon the board. Whatever will happen now? Is there really free cookies and juice? I don't know about you, but I'm going to find out!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

*back at the HoH again... Jim7 walks in*

Jim7: darn everyone is gone...

Jim7 sits a box on the floor with a sign that says "do not open"

Jim7: now let's see if my theory about their intelligence is correct...

JIM7 IN THE HALL OF HEROES? WHAT WAS IN THE BOX? ARE OUR HEROES DUMB ENOUGH TO OPEN THE BOX? (don't answer that) FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE!!!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

stepping out of the restroom to the ivory accompaniment of flushing, Galrek looks around confusedly.
"who's making Pumpkin Pie?"
Maeve:"I dunno."
Galrek:"second question...where'd everybody go? did they finally defeat the kirbies?"
Maeve:"what kirbies? all I know is that first krig runs off with all the beer, then everyone goes off to post his bail. there's no beer left anywhere!"
Galrek stops in his purposeless wandering across the room and staggers.
"no beer? none at all? NO! I was thirsty! I finally decide on what to drink after 10 years and there is no beer left?! that shall not be!"
Maeve:"no beer...I've looked thoroughly, but what's worse is, I'm starting to become sober. I don't think I'm fit to drive out and get more beer at thi-"
Maeve is interrupted as Galrek's brow furroughs and a loud crash is hear outside. the two hurry outside to see a beer truck folded around a lightpole, the driver running off screaming as flames lick the hood.
Galrek:"what an interesting um...coincidence...we need beer, and that beer will explode if we don't remove it from the truck. we should save the beer."
running out, maeve and Galrek unload the truck and return inside, where they quickly get themselves thoroughly smashed.
Maeve:"I wunner how that beer tuck crasheded..."
Galrek smiles and peers owlishly at Maeve, then with a bit of effort, manages to slur out a sentence or two.
"I kin make coinci...coinci...I kin make it so things that just haben to haben, haben toooo meee. uzefulll...no?"
smiling drunkenly, Galrek slumps over to the side and makes a pass for the nearest full beer bottle, which happens to be sitting in maeve's lap. unable to see clearly, and with the overall coordination of a man, he misses.
"oopz...zorrie.."

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

*In the Hall of Heroes...*

Otter: "I say we open it. It's a clear-cut case of reverse psychology."

CookedHaggis: "Now look here, man -"

Otter: "A clear-cut case, I tell you!"

CookedHaggis: "Will you let me finish?"

Otter: "Objection!"

CookedHaggis: "What is the problem with you?"

Otter: "I want to relive my old courtroom days. It's a lawyer's life for me."

CookedHaggis: "I'm fairly certain you've never been to law school."

Otter: (sung) You can poll the jury! You can raise a fury!"

CookedHaggis: "You obviously have no interest in what I've got to say. Therefore, I shall take up our discussion with Kyle."

Otter: "Go ahead. I'm off to the courthouse!"

*Otter leaves, and Haggis begins speaking to a sullen Kyle7.*

CookedHaggis: "Right then. Now, the box has been marked "do not open", which is clearly intended to manipulate us into opening the box, and unleashing whatever destructive forces are contained within. You see, whoever placed the box in it's current position knew precisely how certain gullible members of our ragtag organization would react to a given set of orders - knew that they would feel an unnatural compulsion to do the opposite of what they were told."

Kyle: "I just found my long-lost brother, only to have him disown me. Do you really think I care about some box you found?"

CookedHaggis: "...Ergo, the box should not be opened. Oh, buck up, chap - there are greater things in life than family. Mystery boxes, for example..."

Kyle: "Interesting as you box explanation is, I could really use someone to talk to right now. Would you take the time to listen to my story?"

CookedHaggis: "Is it about boxes?"

*Suddenly, Sarn_Cadrill comes running into the HoH.*

Sarn: "Hey guys, you won't believe the adventure I just had! There was a princess, and some kind of monster that tried to eat me or something, and before that I had to deal with these obnoxious kids - hey, is that a box?"

*To the horror of CookedHaggis, Sarn grabs the box and tears open its flaps. Naturally, a devestating explosion is released.*

CookedHaggis: "My God! Is everyone alright?"

Kyle: (coughing) "I'll be okay...and thanks for caring."

*The entire room is heavily charred, as are the heroes. Kyle approaches Sarn's comatose body and tentatively prods it with his foot as Maybe arrives with the whole pirate crew.*

Gebohq: "It's a pirate's life for - sweet God, what have you people done?"

CookedHaggis: "Some wise character decided to leave us with a booby-trapped box."

MaybeChild: "Is Sarn alright?"

Kyle: (shakes head) "He's dead, Jim - er, Sran. Sarn. MaybeChild. "

Butch: "I'll summon medical assistance!"

*Butch rushes to a nearby telephone, and dials the British equivalent of 911. The heroes wait in trepidition as the wailing sirens of the speeding emergency vechiles get louder...*

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 20, 2003).]

just then Jim7 walks in...

Jim7: he's not hurt the explosion was actually kinda half-fake

everyone: HUH?

Jim7: it just shoots out somke smoke make a loud bang noise and gasses the person who opened it... he will wake up in a few hours

CH: but why?

Jim7: It was a test... you failed...

just then Yoda walks in

Yoda: Ready you are not

Jim7: GO AWAY!!!

Jim7 kicks Yoda out the window.

Yoda: while flying out the window Hurt Yoda you did

Jim7: I hate when he talks like that...

Jim7 leaves

Geb: Yeah that Yoda guy does talk funny... wait a minute... did he just say we failed his test?

Maybe: yes...

Geb: ok... I was never good at tests anyway...

WILL... AHH SCREW IT

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

maeve and Galrek, who have slept through this whole box-explodey business, slowly come out of their drunken slumber.

Maeve: ow...head. I feel like I' been drun ever sssince I met you people

RAM: uh...you have

Maeve: wha on earf wazzat????

another RAM: random audience member

Maeve: rannum..au..I don' wanna know. k, 'nough of thisss hangover

maeve slowly gets up, standing stiff and straight. there is a low noise reminiscent of the sound custard makes as it flows through one's oesophagus. maeve blinks, then goes about straightening herself up, removing the various objects that have become embedded in her hair.

Maeve: aah, much better. ok, so what's going on guys? am I part of the team now?

Geb: uuh..what just happened?

Maeve: I sobered up. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years

Geb: ok then. so, you want to be a hero do you?

Maeve: ah, is that what you guys do? I was starting to wonder

Geb: what do you mean? I think it's perfectly obvious what we do, we are the greatest heroes in all the land!

Maeve: I'll uh..take your word for it

Geb: you think you could do better?

Maeve: well, it seems to me that the only reason any of you are still here is that you have astonisingly good luck

Geb: good luck??! we're constantly having our lives threatened! risking life and limb to save the world and NeS from total destruction!

Maeve: uh huh...

Geb: grrrr

Maeve: ok ok, whatever. look, I was perfectly happy as I was, I was going to get my degree in socialising and go on to be a party organiser. that all came to an end when I got locked up for almost a decade and lost contact with everyone I know and love. if you guys don't adopt me... I'm stranded, I have no idea where I am or what's going on *sniff*

Geb: um...oh...crap. uh...don't cry...

Maeve: so I can stay with you guys? learn to be a hero?

Geb: yeah, sure. just no more crying, k?

Maeve: *showing absolutely no signs of ever beign upset* sure! so, what's on the hero to-do list for today?

Geb: well, it's not usually that organised, we just take things as they c-

of course, it is at this moment that the rumbling begins. the ground starts to shake, and everyone looks around in fear. Gebohq is gathering his strength to geb it, when the floor suddenly caves in, and everyone lands in a huge heap on the floor below. as everyone composes themselves and looks around to see if they've lost any limbs, the rumbling starts up again. this time Geb spares no time composing himself, and disappears in a flash of rubbley-dust.

Maeve: he's um, quite a hero

will Maeve become a true Hero? will she ever have the speed and cowardice of the great and wonderful Gebohq? what exactly is making everything rumble? hopefully someone will be along soon to answer your queries, if you get tired of waiting, please fill out a complaint form and send it to ... uh ... someone

------------------
Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[This message has been edited by mavispoo (edited July 22, 2003).]

deep inside the cold dark depths of the fridge in the kitchen of the HoH a bottle filled with yellow liquid appears in a flash of green light... on the bottle is a label that says "Urine: Do Not Drink".



------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

(NSP: My second attempt to post... the forums no longer like me :* The first post was entirely different from this... and you'll never know how it went buahahhaha)

MZZT the Hero gets tired of waiting on top of Teh Legion of Sp00kay.

MZZT: Dang it, I'm getting tired of waiting on top of Teh Legion of Sp00kay... hey, did I just hear an echo? Oh well..

MZZT gets in his Missile Boat and fires his afterburners, taking off quickly and heading toward the HoH. As MZZT flies away, a loud crash is heard from Teh Legion of Sp00kay.

MZZT: Oops... *Looks back* Geb's not gonna like this...

Yes, the statue of Geb which had sat on top of Teh Legend of Sp00kay toppled.

DarkSide: *From within Teh Legion of Sp00kay.* It's about time that demolitionist got here! I HATED that statue...

Back at the HoH

MZZT emerges from the elevator and sees a non-hero in the HoH.

Butch: Uh, can I help you sir?

MZZT: AUGH!!! What are YOU doing here, the script says Geb and the other heroes were supposed to dump you an hour ago!

Butch: Well, uh, I thought I'd tag along and help them since they paid my bail and... Hey! I don't have to take this from you punk!

INSANE IRC CAMERA VIEW ACTIVATED

ChanServ sets mode: +h Butch

MZZT was kicked by Butch (Butch)

Butch: That'll teach him.

MZZT has joined #nes

Butch: Back for more, punk?

ChanServ sets mode: +oq MZZT

Butch: Uh... oops...

MZZT sets mode: +b Butch!butch@nowhere.com

Butch: Er... sorry?

Butch was kicked by MZZT (Welcome to my world.)

INSANE IRC CAMERA VIEW DEACTIVATED

MZZT is holding a cracked 2-by-4 and is looking at a broken window.

MZZT: *Grinning* Have a nice day.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction

Back in the broom closet now serving as Dr. Dor's laboratory, Dr. Dor continues to giggle at the fight between the shadow puppets.

The bookwormish puppet seemed to get the upper hand, repeatedly smashing the drunken puppet over the head with its book. however, this only heartens the stuporous shadow's anger. giving a silent bellow of rage, it smashes its b33r bottle and stabs the bookish one repeatedly, until it slumps in a pool of of its own shadow essense.

Ford awakes with a start.

Ford: Wstfgl!? where'd my b33r go!?! You took it, didnt you, Mr. I-look-really-smart-in-my-nifty-labcoat!

Dr.D: *looks down admiringly* It is rather fetching isnt it?

just then, AmyGreen comes through the door.

Amy: Gahh! what're you lot doing in the bathroom!

Dr.D: Dear, the sign clearly says "Laboratory", not "Lavratory".

Amy: Oh...well in that case, hello!

Ford: Riight.

a loud rumbling begins, shaking the floor. one of Dr.D's plushiebats falls on his head, winking out of existance with a small *Blip*

Dr.D: Excellent idea, Myzo. now why didnt i think of that. now to find the.. *trails off mumbling incoherently*

Amy: Ford! i havent seen you in ages! you look like you've really grown up! *tracig a finger on Ford's shirt* what are all these symbols?

Ford: Need b33r!

Amy: I take that back...you havent changed a bit. *sneers with disgust*

Dr.D: *From the depths of a seemingly bottomless trunk* Aha! Here we are!

Dr. Dor comes back with something that resembles an inflatable hammer, only there are a few consoles and lots of buttons on it. he pushes a few of these, the whole thing glows for a moment, and returns to normal.

Dr.D: Perfect!

Dr. Dormouse, grinning like the cheshire cat cames at ford with the hammer thing, and whacks him across the face with a loud *FWUMP*

Ford: OW! Geeze Dor...i dont remember it hurting that much last time.

Dr.D: Time wounds all heals, my boy.

Ford: What?

Dr.D: It's irrelevent, buck. the point is you're back to your sober and oddly dressed self.

Amy: Wait...what?

Dr.D: well isnt it obvious? I simply used this Disembolishe..*Amy's eyes glaze over and nods appropriately* and we now have Ford back to his, ehrm, "normal" state.

Amy: i see...well arent you guys curious as to what that noise was?

Ford: i suppose so. you look a bit familiar...do i know you from somewhere?

Amy: Later, dear.

they open the door to reveal the the main room of the hall of heros, sitting happily in the basement.

Amy: Dear god!

its about time they got Ford back to normal. with all the beer the other Ford drank he was giving ME a hangover. well you know what the questions are. you've been asking them yourself. me, i've got to find some ibuprofen...*you hear the narrator fade out, singing softly to himself: "i am downright amazed, at what i can destroy with just a hammer"*

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Democrats: Like Bill Clinton, we think with our genitals. Republicans: Like Richard Nixon, we don't bother thinking.

Meanwhile, at the Krazy Dayz celebration...

Lt. Randy: MMmmmm...cookies and kool-aid.

Galv: Hey Randy, isn't that Darkside and the First Fake Evil over there?

Lt. Randy: Selling pies at a concession stand? Can't be... HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL! It is them!

Galvatron and Lt. Randy quickly switch to "hero mode" and dash over to the concession stand.

Lt. Randy: Hold it right there! You must be crazy to think you can get away with this!

Darkside: Oh we are crazy... for selling pumpkin pies at such INSANELY LOW PRICES!

Galv: I know you're out to harvest souls or something. Randy, check the pies for poison!

Randy: What the-- ME? But I could die! Why don't you?

Galv: *to Randy* You're making us look bad...

Grudgingly, Randy swipes a pie and eyes the pie suspiciously before nibbling on a piece. His suspicion soon turned into delight as he wharfed down the rest of the pie.

TFFE: See? No evil plans. Just trying to sell some pie.

Lt. Randy suddenly starts choking. Galvatron looks over with some worry.

Lt. Randy: *ack*... wrong... way down... throat... *cough*

TFFE: You should eat slower next time.

Darkside: Perhaps we could stop by over to the Hall of Heroes. Make amends, and bring free pie as a peace offering.

Galv: I dunno... this might be an evil plot of yours.

Randy: The guys back at the HoH could use some food, as we're kind of low. And this pie is **** good.

Galv: If they do cause trouble, it's not like we couldn't stop them anyway.

Darkside: Excellent.

Darkside and TFEE smile broadly.

Lt. Randy: Uh....please don't do that. Your grin injects the fear of Hell into me, and you *to TFFE* ...you need to brush your teeth more often.

TFFE: British dental plan.

Lt. Randy: Good point...

(NSP: oi!)

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Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

In the realm of the writers...

[Writer] Ford: ZZT, make a NeS post!

[Writer] MZZT: k *Makes this post*

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction

sneaking into the realm of writers, ShadeTW slips past sleeping writers and dozing narrators, fully intent on getting to one of the precious keyboard of posting. as he crawls into the room however, he is ambushed by the one thing no one could expect.
Shade:"**** ...writer's block...owwie."
Writer's Block:"..."

this post brought to you by...uhm...boredom! that's right! the cure to fun, boredom!...err...wait a second...

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In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

The writer's block smacks Geb the writer as well, beating him to a bloody pulp. The writer's block then begins stalking the other writers...

GtW: Ow, the pain...